Total Drama Pahkitew Island Reordered
Chapter 12: Pahk'd With Knowledge
Review Responses
xtremexavier15: A double-elimination? Just wait and see! And I am considering writing a reordered version of Revenge of the Island, so maybe.
charmander1072: What happened to Ella? Well, there are clues as to what happened.
Omega Leonidas: I bet you do!
CMC: Yup.
Lone Wolf: A good guess!
Vladitor: Well, it's definitely possible!
TotalPizza: Thank you very much! Yes, we are definitely getting some different challenges. And don't worry! Chris is not getting off scot-free, this time!
MDReborn: Yeah, I knew people would be surprised and sad for Jasmine. I won't say who's going home or if I'm going to have everyone return for the finale just yet.
WeirdAlfan101: Indeed.
Guest A: I don't care. I've stated before that I am no fan of Izzy. People know that about me.
LaCuevademisgustos: Indeed.
Jameel3: Yes, Scarlett has crossed the line now, hasn't she? And good guesses!
romeoaifesili: Yes, I saw that one, too.
Guest B: We'll see!
AnonBrowser: I knew you'd be disappointed. So sorry, man! Yup, Scarlett stayed back to make sure none of Chris's surprises could catch her off guard. And to make her seem like less of a threat. Like she said, that's why the pawns go first. As for Dave, yeah, he was a bit harsh on Sammy, that's OCD for ya. I know people with OCD, and they can get really defensive when confronted, even when they know they're in the wrong. And yes, Ricky the bully is a reference to notorious Dave-hater TotalDramaRicky. Go make of that what you will. I got the idea for the joke from Shrimpimp, as he had used a similar joke involving Zoey in TDWT what if. As for the double-elimination, you'll see for certain in this chapter. Anyway, thank you for your feedback, your patience, and your faith!
Guy Buddy: Indeed. If Dave and Sammy don't get their act together, they're probably screwed.
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thank you!
lordgemini: I'm glad you liked it so much!
Darkwing: That is a legitimate thing to be concerned about.
Polaron: Thanks for the suggestions.
Vipron: Maybe. Maybe not.
Razenoid: Haven't heard much, but that's because I'm trying to avoid spoiler-tainted information, which is everywhere on the internet.
Aquarius: Chris could disqualify Scarlett, but he's been known to turn a blind eye to cheating as far as the first season when Harold cheated out Courtney.
MatiasND: Well, being finalists in other stories is not an automatic disqualifier for me. Yes, the fruit Scarlett gave to Ella was based on the one in the show.
Sunshine Sayori: Glad you're not too disappointed. Scarlett is certainly in a strong place, but no one's invincible. And thanks!
Magmahound: Thank you very much!
Guest C: Naw, Jasmine figured out that Scarlett was evil. She just didn't see it coming how dangerous she had become during Scarlett Fever, not that it's her fault.
Crosshot: Yeah, some of the recaps in canon were pretty confusing. They made it seem like Chris knew that Sammy was disguised as Amy, and yet, when Sammy was exposed, Chris seemed just as surprised as everyone else. Scarlett has indeed crossed the line by poisoning Ella.
kirbystarwarrior: Yes, both Dave and Sammy have made a few mistakes that will make it difficult for them to trust or forgive each other.
Guest D: Maybe.
Rockin' D-99: I was wondering why you hadn't reviewed (and worried I had done something in this chapter to make you angry). Yes, your prediction was off, but hey, I like to be unpredictable. Glad to hear that Scarlett's become a much better villain than Sugar
"Last time on Total Drama Pahkitew Island!" Chris narrated. "The final five took a simple footrace to new heights! Alliances were being formed, all with the sole purpose of getting Scarlett voted off! While Jasmine forgave Samey for voting off Shawn, Dave did not. Which made the false alliance between them quite tense. However, it didn't matter! As it was a sudden-death round! While it seemed like Jasmine had this one in the bag, Scarlett had control of the island and used it to send Jasmine hurdling down into last place and into the giant pea-shooter of shame! And then, the evil queen gave Snow White a poisoned apple! Today the four will become three! And soon we will see! If maybe, someone else will blast free! Who's going to be our final two? I wanna know, don't you? Let's do! On Total… Drama… Island Pahkitew!"
After the theme song, we cut to the finalists waking up, all of them having slept in different places. Sammy had slept in a nest made out of ferns, right under where the treehouse used to be. Dave had slept on the beach. It was a restless night for both of them as evidenced by their bloodshot eyes. Ella and Scarlett slept more comfortably, the former barely so. Ella had slept in the first aid tent, hooked up to a ventilator. She opened her eyes to see Chris, Chef, and several paramedics she had not seen the previous night. Scarlett slept underground, in her bed, free from insects and the less-than-perfect weather, and with a lush bounty of fruit waiting to be eaten.
As Sammy looked up, she sighed. Jasmine had usually slept above her, perched in the trees protectively like a stone gargoyle.
"Oh, Jasmine…" she moaned. "My guardian angel…"
Confessional: Sammy
"Was I happy to see Jasmine get shot out of the cannon? Of course not! Was I relieved? …Actually, yes. With her gone, this means that I actually have a shot at winning! It would be nice to have her as an alliance member, but not as an opponent. I've come in second place in a lot of competitions, but never first. You know why? Because Amy always pressured me into throwing them so that she could take first place. I know, I'm weak. But Amy's not here! And that, I am happy about!"
End Confessional
Dave awoke from sleeping on the beach. It wasn't as comfortable as he had expected, and he lay down groggily, in too much pain to get up.
WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
The sound of a helicopter made Dave grumble and cover his ears.
"Urgh… Stupid chopper!" he muttered. "What could Chris possibly need it for?" His eyes cracked open to peek at the offensive noise. And then they popped open and Dave sat up straight in alarm. It was not Chris's helicopter. Instead of a green camouflage pattern with a picture of Chris's face on the tail, this one was white with a red cross on the tail. And it was flying away from the island from the direction Dave was sure the first aid tent was in.
"No! No! NO! Ella!" he cried, getting to his feet and rushing towards the first aid tent, not caring how dirty he was. He had been worried about his friend ever since Chef barred him and Sammy from the tent, but this tipped his worry over the edge. After a three-minute run, he ripped open the tent flap to find only Chris and Chef there. The former was holding up a clipboard and filling out some paperwork, while the latter was tending to an empty cot.
"What happened?! Where's Ella?!" Dave cried frantically. Chris and Chef looked at him.
"The medics said she wouldn't be in proper condition for today's challenge." Chris grumbled. "And so, she's been medically evacuated from the competition."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Dave screamed despairingly, falling to his knees.
"I know, right?" said Chris. "I was so looking forward to shooting her out of the cannon! But the stupid lawyers say I can't do that to injured contestants!"
Dave ran out of the tent. Chef cast him a look of pity. He held a little envelope in his hand and an inquisitive look came across him, internally debating on what to do with it.
Dave ran until he was sure he had some privacy. He hugged a tree and began to weep, overcome with grief. He had experienced a taste of grief when Beardo was eliminated. When Sky was eliminated, he had done much of his grieving in advance due to being turned down. His grief for losing Shawn was impeded by his relief that he was spared from elimination. Now, Ella was gone. And there was nothing stopping the dam from bursting. The combined weight of losing Shawn, Sky, Ella, and even Beardo was crushing him. On top of that, Sammy was angry at him and Scarlett was evil. He felt so alone.
"I wanna go home… Lemme quit…" he wept, despite no one being present. Except someone was. It was Chef, holding the envelope from earlier. Sighing in pity, he walked up to Dave.
"Get ahold of yourself, maggot!" he barked. Dave jumped.
"Chef?"
"Here. The singer chick asked me to give ya this." Chef handed Dave the envelope and left. He opened it to reveal a note with pretty handwriting.
"Dear, Prince David.
Things are not looking good for me. If you are reading this note, then I am no longer in the competition. The medics informed me that I have eaten something called a manchineel fruit, which is like a poisonous apple. They say I will be evacuated if I am not better by the next challenge. You must be feeling very lonely. But chin up! With me out, you are just one step closer to winning! So I have some advice for you. Be brave, work hard, believe in yourself, and you might just win! We are all rooting for you! You must win! Do it for me! For Sky! For Shawn! And Beardo!
XOXOXO Ella!"
Dave hugged the letter to his chest, a sense of encouragement building up. He took a deep breath, stood up, and strengthened his resolve. He then ran off to find Sammy.
Meanwhile…
Despite, being underground, Scarlett had heard the whir of the helicopter overhead, correctly deducing that it was carrying Ella away. She smirked in satisfaction as she devoured all the best fruits she could find. A full stomach and a good night's rest were on her side today, as Sammy and Dave were most certainly not in this state. They had no access to shelter and she had pulled any and all plants producing edible substances underground. Today was almost in the bag. There was only one thing left to do to guarantee it…
Confessional: Scarlett
"Now that Ella's gone, there's little to nothing holding back Dave and Samey from trying to tear each other's throats out. However, they still don't trust me, so I'm going to have to push them towards targeting each other instead of me. This may not be easy…"
End Confessional
Scarlett raised the treehouse out of the ground and began to search for her two remaining opponents. It took a while to locate them, but she didn't mind, as it only gave her time to formulate ways to turn them against each other. Much to her surprise and delight, she had located them by the sound of their yelling.
"You disgusting user!" Sammy yelled in Dave's face. "And you call yourself Ella's friend!"
"You hypocrite!" Dave yelled back. "You're the one who betrayed Jasmine!"
"At least I never lead anyone on to selfishly try and get them to go out with me!"
"All I did was invite her to breakfast! And besides, what you did to Shawn was despicable! He saved your life! Twice! And you repay him by stabbing him in the back!"
"He played with my feelings! Like you did with Ella! You're lucky Ella's such a forgiving person, or you'd have been voted off during the monkey challenge!"
"You're lucky to have Jasmine take pity on you and save you from Amy! You can't do anything without her! Speaking of which, you lied to me and Ella! You said you and Jasmine were on bad terms! But you weren't! You're a liar! Just like Scarlett!"
PTOO!
Sammy spat in Dave's face.
"YAAAAARRRGH!" Dave screamed in rage.
SMACK!
Dave slapped Sammy's cheek. Scarlett cringed.
"AAAH!" Sammy yelped. "YOU BASTARD! I HATE YOU MORE THAN I HATE AMY!"
"I HATE YOU MORE THAN I HATE SCARLETT!" Dave retorted.
Smirking, the brainiac left the scene.
Confessional: Scarlett
"Much easier than I thought! (Snickers) Then again, what else could you expect from the most brilliant mind ever seen on Total Drama?"
End Confessional
As soon as Scarlett was no longer in earshot, Dave and Sammy stopped yelling at each other.
"You think she bought it?" Sammy asked, calmly.
"I think so." said Dave, confidently. "I didn't hit you too hard, did I?"
"No, no, it's okay! It needed to look real! Otherwise, she'd get suspicious!" said Sammy massaging her cheek, which had turned pink. "Here, let me help you." She pulled out some wet wipes and cleaned off Dave's cheek.
"Thanks." said Dave.
"Can I see that letter again?" Sammy asked. Dave handed her the letter Ella wrote him. "Wow. Poor Ella. Getting fed a manchineel fruit? Scarlett really is evil!"
"ATTENTION, PUNCHING BAGS!" cried Chris over the intercom. "IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN! FINAL THREE TO THE MEETING AREA! PRONTO! OH YEAH! ELLA HAS BEEN MEDICALLY EVACUATED FROM THE COMPETITION!"
Five minutes later, Sammy, Dave, and Scarlett arrived in the meeting area. Scarlett had an incredibly haughty look on her face. She was also in better health, having deprived her opponents of food and shelter the previous night.
"Children of competition!" Chris greeted. "Your semifinal challenge will be in three parts! And each player gets to create one of those parts!"
The semifinalists' faces lit up with interest and excitement.
"I get to create my own challenge?" Sammy exclaimed.
"You all do! Within reason." said Chris. "The winner of each challenge gets three points. Second place gets two. And last place gets one. After all three challenges, the player with the lowest score gets to see the inside of a cannon! Briefly! The other two get to battle it out in the finale for one million dollars!"
"Sounds simple enough." said Dave.
"Yeah. Thank goodness Ella had to leave this morning, or it would have been less simple. You have five minutes to write down the details of your challenge!" Chris handed out notepads and pens to the campers.
Scarlett immediately began scribbling down the details of her challenge. Sammy took a moment to think over what her challenge would be and then began scribbling. Dave struggled to think of a good challenge. He was tired and hungry.
"Oh my…" he moaned, his stomach grumbling. "What I wouldn't give for an apple pie right now!"
"Yes, a full stomach can certainly be benificial." Scarlett boasted, patting her belly.
The germaphobe leered at the brainiac. Suddenly, inspiration struck Dave. He quickly scribbled his challenge down with a devious smile.
Confessional: Scarlett
"I could focus on exploiting Dave and Samey's weaknesses, but why bother? They're already doing that to each other! So my challenge will simply play to my strengths."
Confessional: Dave
"It's not so much about my skills, it's about Scarlett's weakness. And I know what her weakness is!"
Confessional: Sammy
"It's all about balancing my strengths and Scarlett's weaknesses! Hopefully, this'll work!"
End Confessional
After three minutes, each contestant had handed in their challenge requests. Chris left to look them over and prepare for them. A little while later, he returned.
"We begin our final-three showdown with the challenge chosen by… Dave!" Chris announced.
"Yeah!" Dave cheered. Scarlett and Sammy leered at him, jealously.
"And Dave's challenge is… a pie-eating contest!" Chris announced.
Scarlett blanched. Her eyes popped open in surprise. Dave grinned smugly. Sammy looked intrigued.
Confessional: Dave
"Alright, Miss Einstein! Let's see that full tummy come in handy during an eating contest! If I remember correctly, I won the last eating challenge, while you got your butt kicked!"
End Confessional
Chris led the campers over to a table, where forty freshly cooked pot pies rested.
Sammy sat down on the right side of the table (the left from the viewer's perspective), Scarlett on the left, and Dave in the center.
"You will have five minutes to consume as many pies as your stomach can handle! Whoever eats the most, wins!" Chris explained.
"Um, what kind of pies are these?" Scarlett asked, looking nervous.
"Oh, you know! All the good dessert pies! Apple, peach, pumpkin, blueberry, cherry, banana cream, all the good stuff!" Chris answered. Every single one of the pies had a crust covering, preventing anyone from knowing what kind of pie they were. Scarlett relaxed a little. "However, while eating delicious food is exciting… (YAWN), it didn't seem in keeping with the theme of the show! So, I was forced to add a few… y'know… surprises to the pies!"
The semifinalists groaned.
"Once you choose a pie, you will be forced to finish it before you can start another! So be sure to finish them! Everybody, ready?" Dave and Sammy nodded confidently. Scarlett looked queasy.
HONK!
"GO!" Chris shouted.
The contestants each grabbed a random pie in front of them and, due to the absence of silverware, brought it directly to their mouths. Sammy got pumpkin, Dave got coconut cream, and Scarlett got blackberry. None of these pies had any of Chris's surprises in them, so they were able to finish them on their own time. Dave finished his in twenty seconds, Sammy in twenty-five, at which point Scarlett was only a third of the way complete.
Dave and Sammy moved onto to their next pies, getting apple and lemon meringue respectively. Unfortunately for Sammy, this one had a mousetrap in it.
SNAP!
"MMMMMMMMMMMM!" Sammy screamed in pain, her lips glued shut by the trap. Chris, being the compassionate and caring soul he was, pointed and laughed at Sammy. The cheerleader yanked the trap off, her lips turning purple. She finished off her pie while Dave started a third one.
Scarlett finally finished her first pie and moved on to a second. This one was blueberry. Scarlett bit into it and nearly choked. She barfed up a Madagascar hissing cockroach. She turned green. Nevertheless, she stuck the roach back in her mouth. If she was going to have any chance of catching up to Dave and Sammy, she would need to induce vomiting. She swallowed the roach and-
"BLARGH!" Scarlett heaved all over the table. Naturally, Dave and Sammy's appetites were damaged by this deliberately disgusting move. Adding to Dave's trouble was the fact this his next pie had been spiked with nail clippings and nose hairs.
Confessional: Chef
"Yeah, that pie was my idea!" (Snickers)
End Confessional
Nevertheless, Dave was able to finish his pie and eat a cherry pie that had spiked with Juggy Chunks.
At last, the five minutes were up.
"At seven pies, Dave wins!" Chris announced. "That's three points for him! Samey's eaten five, so she gets second place! Two points! And Scarlett's only finished two! So, she gets one point for effort!"
"Yeah! Woohoo!" Dave cheered. He further celebrated by picking up one of the leftover pies and throwing it in Scarlett's face.
SPLUT!
Confessional: Scarlett
"Well played, David. Well played."
End Confessional
"The next challenge comes from Samey!" Chris announced.
"Alright!" Sammy cried.
"So, everyone grab your swimsuits and meet back at the lake!"
Fifteen minutes later, Sammy was in her bikini, Dave in his wetsuit, and Scarlett in her one-piece and creepy black goggles. They met up with Chris at the bay where they had done the Splash-and-Dash.
"Alright! So Samey's challenge is a water race! You have to race from this end of the lake to the other! Which is about a thousand yards!"
"Oh boy." Dave groaned.
"No problem." Scarlett muttered.
Confessional: Sammy
"I came in second in the regional swim meet! And the girl who came in first isn't here! At least, not anymore!"
End Confessional
"The good news is, I didn't add any extra danger to this challenge!" said Chris.
"Why? Because it's already fully stocked?" Dave asked.
"Because it's already full- Hey! Don't ruin my lines!" Chris cried angrily. "Yeah, it's fully stocked with sharks, crocs, electric eels, jellyfish, snapping turtles, and a polar bear!"
The semifinalists looked out at the water and saw shadowy shapes permeating the water's crisp surface.
"The more direct your route to the end, the more danger you'll come across! First one to touch the dock wins! Everybody ready?"
The semifinalists prepared to jump.
HONK!
"GO!" Chris cried, and the three dove into the water. Sammy took an early lead with Dave following close behind her. Scarlett lagged behind, taking measured strokes and surveying her environment.
Just when it looked like Dave was about to pass Sammy, he seized up painfully.
"Yargh! Cramp!" he yelped.
"Should have waited an hour before going swimming!" Scarlett taunted as she backstroked past him.
"D'oooooh!" Dave moaned, sighing in shame at his plan backfiring.
Up ahead, Sammy also seized up. At first, she thought she was having a cramp as well, but she had swum into a cluster of jellyfish.
"Ouch!" she cried. "What the-!" She was able to shake them off before her opponents could catch up to her.
Dave was catching up to Scarlett. Eventually, he passed her once Scarlett decided to take a little detour. At first, Dave thought Scarlett was confused but a minute later, a crocodile surfaced, forcing him to retreat, costing him precious time.
Confessional: Dave
"You spend your entire life taking precautions against germs and viruses, and then a crocodile comes along and makes it seem like it was all for nothing. Man, I've wasted my life!"
End Confessional
"Will Dave survive his encounter with his new reptilian pal?" Chris narrated. "Or are we hurtling towards our first all-female finale? Find out after the break! On Total… Drama… Pahkitew Island!"
After the commercial break, we cut to Dave thrashing through the water in an attempt to escape the crocodile.
"Don't eat me! I love lizards! I love lizards!" Dave cried.
"Crocs aren't lizards!" Scarlett called back.
"Chris! Help me!" Dave cried, a testament to his desperation.
"Help you?!" Chris cried, sounding hurt. He then sighed sadly. "It's like he doesn't even know me!"
"If I die, tell Ricky he sucks!"
Dave's thrashing, unfortunately, attracted a bull shark coming straight towards him. He swam straight for it. The shark was closing in on Dave. Once the shark and croc were the same distance away from him, he stopped. The croc pounced at him. At the last second, Dave ducked underwater and the croc flew over Dave and into the shark's mouth and was swallowed whole.
"Whoa!" Dave muttered. "I mean, just like I planned!" He then turned around to see that he was far behind. Throwing caution to the wind, he dashed recklessly through the center of the lake.
Meanwhile, Sammy was finally approaching the finish line. She had a brief encounter with Scuba Bear but was able to swim underneath him, though this maneuver cost her a lot of stamina. She then came across a final obstacle in the form of two great white sharks. Sammy decided to take a detour, as she thought there were no other options, but Scarlett knew better. The brainiac charged the great whites head-on and the sharks went to greet her. When they were about to pounce on her, they turned away, looking as though they were getting headaches. This left Scarlett an easy route to the finish line.
"Scarlett wins!" Chris announced.
"Yes!" cried the brainiac, climbing onto the dock.
"What?!" cried Sammy climbing up shortly after. "How did you-?! But I'm the athlete here!"
"Sharks fear me!" Scarlett explained.
Confessional: Scarlett
"They don't fear me, but they do fear magnets!" (Holds up a horseshoe magnet) "Okay, technically it's not fear. Charged metals in saltwater create a weak electrical field which disrupts a shark's electroreception senses. You see, saltwater is an ionic solution. It contains particles with... Sharks are afraid of magnets."
End Confessional
"And Second-Amy takes second place!" Chris announced.
"Damn it! I wanted to win my own challenge!" Sammy griped.
"That's the way life goes, Sammy-girl!" said Scarlett solemnly. "The world is a very arbitrary place, isn't it? It's a place where you can believe that that you're the best at something, only for fate to come by and show you that there's always someone better, always something you don't know, and it's that one thing that ends up tripping you in the final leg of the race!" Scarlett became more and more upset as she vented. "Yes, I've learned many things, but the most important thing the world has taught me is the only the strong, the clever, and the ruthless survive! And to avenge myself, I intend to keep fighting! And I intend to win!" She was shouting by the time she finished. Sammy was stunned. She thought she saw Scarlett's black goggles glow red for a moment. Scarlett walked over to the other side of the dock to fume.
"What was that all about?" Dave asked, having shown up.
"I don't know…" said Sammy, severely rattled. "I mean, I'm not talking to you!"
Confessional: Scarlett
"I was on Teen Jeopardy last year. I got every question right. All sixty of them. Neither of my opponents had any time to answer. I was set to win the maximum amount of cash I could, which would be a first for the show. I wagered all my winnings up to the point for the final question, only for the final question to be about Total Drama! I know it's statistically popular, but at the time I believed- and still do- that Total Drama was responsible for the troubled behavior of today's youth! And since I had no intricate knowledge of the show at the time, I failed the question and lost everything! It was humiliating beyond belief!" (Tears start streaming down Scarlett's face)
End Confessional
"Well, well, well!" said Chris. "Both Dave and Scarlett have won and lost a challenge! And Samey's come in second, twice!"
"Story of my life…" Sammy muttered.
"That's four points each! We have a three-way tie! It all comes down to Scarlett's challenge! A trivia game show!"
Scarlett smirked wickedly. Dave and Sammy gulped.
Twenty minutes later, Dave, Sammy, and Scarlett had changed back into their day clothes and converged at an amphitheater with three gameshow stands for the contestants, each with a screen displaying the number zero. Sitting on top of the stands were red buttons and clipboards with several sheets of paper and pens. Sammy was on the left, Scarlett was on the right, and Dave was in the middle. Chris had changed into his suit from Total Drama Action.
"Here's how it works!" Chris announced. "I'll ask a question and if you know the answer, hit the buzzer. Answer immediately and correctly, and you get a point! Answer incorrectly or take too long, you will be penalized by not being allowed to answer the next question! The first person to obtain five points will be the winner! The second person to reach five will be their opponent in the finale!"
Scarlett looked quite confident. Dave and Sammy looked equally nervous.
Confessional: Sammy
"This is not good. Scarlett knows just about everything! I mean, I probably know a few zoology facts and some geography, but what does that compare to Scarlett?"
Confessional: Dave
"I'm actually really good academically speaking. My mom actually moved me up a grade because of this. I get A's and B's regularly. My best subject is history. I just hope I can stay in longer than Sammy because Scarlett is going to dominate if the questions are anything academic!"
Confessional: Scarlett
"I'm the best in my grade, which is saying a lot, considering I've skipped two grades. I know geography, algebra, calculus, world history, biology, geology, physiology, chemistry, you name it!"
End Confessional
"And today's trivia category is…" Chris announced. A drumroll sounded. Scarlett waited eagerly. Sammy and Dave waited anxiously. "Total Drama!"
"Oh, cool!" Sammy cried.
"Alright." said Dave. "I can handle that!"
"…What?" Scarlett asked flatly.
"Let us begin!" said Chris. "The first question is: Who was the first boot of Total Drama Island?"
Dave and Sammy both dove for their buzzers, while Scarlett had to stop and think. Dave's buzzer sounded first.
"It was Ezekiel!" he answered.
"That is correct!" Chris announced. "Dave scores the first point!"
"Yes!" Dave cheered, as the zero on his scoreboard changed to a one.
Confessional: Scarlett
(Pulls out a handkerchief and weeps silently into it)
End Confessional
"Anyway, that was an easy one!" said Chris. "Next question, what was the first couple to form in Total Drama Island?"
A moment went by, as the contestants thought. Scarlett looked significantly more distressed than her opponents. Sammy smiled, snapped her fingers, and hit her buzzer.
"Tyler and Lindsay!" she answered.
"Correct! One point for you!" Chris responded.
"Yay!" the cheerleader cheered.
"Question number three! Whose strategy was it to throw challenges for their team in order to get someone voted off?"
BUZZ!
"Yes, Dave?"
"Scott!" Dave answered.
"Incorrect!" Chris announced. His scoreboard was covered by an X.
"What?! But he tried to throw like every single team challenge he competed in, in Revenge of the Island!" Dave argued.
"True… But the main reason for that was to quote-unquote 'lull the other team into a false sense of security!'"
"He totally wanted several people gone!"
"Yes, but it still wasn't the primary motivation for his strategy." said Chris. "Ladies! Do you know who was throwing challenges just to get someone voted off?"
Sammy had been about to hit her buzzer, but she was also going to say Scott. So she remained silent. Scarlett on the other hand…
BUZZ!
"It was Courtney!" said Scarlett.
"That's correct! Score's one-all!"
"Oh, right! Courtney!" said Sammy.
Confessional: Scarlett
"I only watched the series once, and that was to study the behavior and strategems of the villains. So questions on the villains I can handle!"
End Confessional
"Next question: Which of these couples did not break up: Owen and Izzy, Duncan and Gwen, Scott and Courtney, or Cody and Sierra?"
BUZZ!
"Yes, Samey?"
"Cody and Sierra!" said Sammy.
"That's correct!" said Chris. "After all, in order to break up, you'd actually have to hook up first, am I right?"
"Very true!" said Sammy, Dave nodding in agreement.
"Score is now two-one-one! Dave, your penalty is up, so you can answer this next question!"
"Thank you." said Dave, still believing he was robbed.
"Alright! For this next question, you are all going to have to write down your answers! Everyone who gets it right will get a point! You will not be penalized for getting it wrong, so no pressure. Ahem! Name all the male contestants throughout the entire series, including Pahkitew Island, who have had more than one female contestant crushing on them!"
The Final Jeopardy theme song played as the contestant picked up their pens and wrote down their answers with varying degrees of confidence.
"Alright! Time's up! Pens down!" Chris cried once the music stopped. "Let's see what you came up with! Samey?"
Sammy held her clipboard with a neutral expression. She had written down eight names.
"Alejandro, Trent, Harold, Cody, Duncan, Justin, Dave, and Shawn." Chris read. "Oh no! Sorry! That's not right!"
"Dang it." Sammy grumped.
"Dave?"
With a confident smirk, Dave held up his clipboard. He also had eight names.
"Dave, Shawn, Alejandro, Justin, Duncan, Trent, Mike, Harold." Chris read off. "That is correct!"
"Yes!" Dave cried as his score was increased to two.
"D'oh! It was Mike I was forgetting!" Sammy cried, slapping her forehead.
"Yeah, seriously, Cody?" said Dave.
"Well… I thought he was kinda cute…" said Sammy.
"And Scarlett! Have you written down the same names as Dave?" Chris asked.
With an embarrassed frown, Scarlett held up her clipboard. She had written only four names.
"Dave, Shawn, Justin, Alejandro." Chris read. "Those are all correct, but that's not all of them."
Dave and Sammy snickered quietly.
Confessional: Dave
"After the show, I'm going to get all these guys together and form a Stud Club!"
End Confessional
"And speaking of male contestants, here's our next question!" said Chris. "Who had a hand in eliminating all but one of the male contestants from the competition?"
BUZZ!
"Well, that was fast! Scarlett?"
"Alejandro."
"Correct! Score's two-all!" said Chris. "Yep, whether deliberately orchestrating their elimination or simply voting for them, Alejandro kicked almost every guy off Total Drama World Tour!"
"Alejandro? That's ironic, considering he was such a womanizer." Sammy commented.
"Well, he was on a team of mostly guys." Dave pointed out.
"Hm. True."
Confessional: Sammy
"Okay, unpopular opinion: When it came down to Heather versus Alejandro in Total Drama World Tour, I was actually rooting for Alejandro. I know everyone loved Heather in that season, but she always reminded me too much of Amy to ever root for her. And Alejandro, I found him despicable at first. But when I found out he had an older sibling who... wasn't the best to him... well, you get the idea."
End Confessional
"Bonus question, Scarlett!" Chris announced. "Who was the only male contestant whose elimination Alejandro had nothing to do with?"
"Ezekiel!" Scarlett answered immediately.
"Good job! Scarlett takes the lead!"
"What?!" cried Dave. "No fair!"
"Next question! Which contestant was eliminated and then returned to the competition twice?"
A few seconds went by.
BUZZ!
"Samey!"
"Was it Izzy?"
"That it was!"
"Yay!"
"Score's now three-two-three! Next question! Name the only member of the Toxic Rats to make it to the merge without switching teams!"
"BUZZ!"
"Dave?"
"Jo! I mean, Lightning!"
"Oh, sorry! Too late! You've earned another penalty, Dave!"
"My tongue slipped!"
"Sucks for you!"
BUZZ!
"Samey?"
"Lightning!"
"That is correct! Samey's almost won! Let's keep going! For our next question, you'll also have to write down your answers! Everybody ready?" The contestants readied their pens and clipboards. "Name every contestant who has lost their hair on the show!"
The Final Jeopardy theme played again as the female contestants picked up their pens and wrote down their answers. Dave sulked. Once the music stopped, Chris spoke up.
"Pens down! Time to see what you came with! Samey?"
Sammy held up her clipboard.
"Heather, Ezekiel, Sierra, Alejandro, Staci, Dakota." Chris read off. "That is correct! Samey wins!"
"Yahoo!" Sammy cheered. Triumphant music began playing. Balloons and confetti rained down over the cheerleader. Chef came out wearing his hot pink gameshow dress and placed a graduation cap on Sammy's head.
"So! Samey's secured herself a spot in the finale!" Chris announced. "It all comes down to Dave and Scarlett. Scarlett, what did you write down?"
Scarlett showed her clipboard to Chris, revealing the same answers as Sammy.
"And Scarlett gets her fourth point! That female finale is looking mighty close!"
Dave started sweating. Scarlett decided to take advantage of it.
"You know, I've planned something extra humiliating to whoever loses this challenge!" she whispered sinisterly into his ear.
"Next question! How many alternate personalities does Mike have?"
BUZZ!
"Yes, Scarlett?"
"Five!"
"Incorrect!"
"What?!"
"Dave, do you know?" Chris asked.
"Zero!" Dave answered.
"That is correct! Mike currently has no alternate personalities, as they've all been erased!"
"That was a trick question!" Scarlett griped.
"Should have paid more attention to the way I phrased it!" Chris lectured. "Alright, Dave! This next question is all yours! The question is: Who are the two contestants that were on the same team in all four seasons that they competed in?"
Dave took his time with this one, as Scarlett had been penalized. After about ten seconds, he answered.
"Heather and Gwen!" he stated.
"Correct!" Chris cried.
"Argh, I knew it!" Scarlett growled in frustration.
"It's now down to the final question!" said Chris importantly. "A third clipboard challenge! List the winners of the first five seasons of Total Drama! Go!"
The Final Jeopardy theme played once again, as Dave and Scarlett wrote their answers down. Both looked rather nervous.
"Time! Let's see what you came up with!"
Dave and Scarlett held up their clipboards.
"Alright! Dave has written down Gwen, Duncan, Heather, Cameron, and Zoey! Meanwhile, Scarlett has written down Owen, Duncan, Heather, Cameron, and Mike! One of those lists is correct! The person who made that list going to the finale! And that person is…"
Dave was sweating profusely now. Scarlett was biting her nails. Sammy pumped her fists. It felt like an elimination ceremony. And, in a way, it was.
…
…
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"Dave!" Chris announced. "Scarlett, you're out!"
"WHAT?!" Scarlett screeched, dropping her clipboard to the floor. Her face went blank with shock.
"Yeah!" Dave cried.
"Woohoo! Yeah! We win!" Sammy cried. Chef came out again and placed another graduation cap on Dave's head. He then placed a different type of hat on Scarlett's head, holding it in place.
"Hey! HEY!" Scarlett protested.
"And! As per Scarlett's instructions, the loser of this challenge gets a dunce hat super-glued to their head!" Chris announced.
When Chef pulled away, Dave and Sammy laughed. A comically tall white conical hat with the word "DUNCE" written vertically had just been fused to Scarlett's scalp.
"Good luck getting that off any time this decade!" Chef taunted.
"Looks like that female finale will have to wait!" Chris joked. Dave walked over to Sammy and high-fived her. Scarlett gasped.
"You… you…" she uttered, pointing at the two finalists.
"That's right, dum-dum!" Dave mocked, making an L-sign with his fingers over his forehead. "We tricked you!"
Scarlett turned to Chris.
"Why did you select a popular culture subject as our category?!" she demanded.
"You could have chosen the category!" said Chris smartly. "But you said I could choose whatever category I wanted! So sorry, Scarlett! You're going to the Cannon."
"But- but- we don't have to have an elimination, right? Because Ella's been medically evacuated, right?" Scarlett reasoned desperately. Dave and Sammy scoffed, remembering a certain episode of Total Drama World Tour, where Chris had eliminated someone in spite of a medical evacuation earlier that day.
"Nice try! But we were already planning a double elimination this round before Ella left!" said Chris.
"No! NO! NOOOOO!" Scarlett yelled hysterically. She ran up to Chris and grabbed him by his collar. "I CAN'T LOSE! NOT AGAIN! NOT AGAIN! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE TO GET THIS FAR! THE CHEATING! THE LIES I'VE TOLD! THE PAIN I'VE CAUSED! THE DREAMS I'VE CRUSHED!" Scarlett stopped cold and then muttered, "This isn't helping me…"
Elimination Ceremony
It was only noon. Scarlett's head was poking out of the Cannon, her dunce hat making her look like a missile. Chris, Dave, and Sammy stood by the cannon waiting eagerly for it to be fired. Chris had a tray of a dozen marshmallows, for some reason.
"I know we don't need to hand these out." said Chris. "But today, I feel another special ceremony is in order! Dave? Samey?"
Grinning, the two remaining contestants grabbed up the marshmallows and pelted Scarlett with them.
"You are so eliminated!" Dave taunted.
"You're more eliminated than anyone's ever been eliminated!" Sammy added.
"Even more than that wizard guy!" Dave cried.
"Can we just get this over with?!" Scarlett begged, once the marshmallows stopped hitting her face.
"One second! Chef's grabbing a companion for you to share your flight with!"
"A companion?! Please tell me it's not Max!"
"You'll see!"
Chef showed up carrying a dog kennel big enough for a Doberman. He opened it up and pulled out Amy. In contrast to the last two times she had reappeared, she was in a much better state. She was clean, groomed, and currently dressed in her home cheerleader uniform, which was clean a whistle.
"Amy?!" cried Dave and Scarlett.
"Goodness, Amy, don't you ever give up?!" Sammy cried.
"I didn't come back this time! This ape here grabbed me at the resort and forced me to come back just so he could shoot me out of the cannon again!" Amy explained.
"Hey, we gotta complete the joke of you going home every three episodes!" said Chris. Chef opened the butt of the cannon and prepared to stuff Amy in.
"How the hell have you not been eliminated yet?!" Amy barked at Sammy.
"Because I'm better than you!"
"You wish! Dave, you better kick her ass in the finale or I am going to kick yours!"
"Yeah, I wasn't planning on losing." Dave deadpanned.
Confessional: Dave
"Great. I have Amy's support. Somehow, that makes me feel dirty. That being said, if what Chris said is true, I don't think it was necessary to bring her back just to shoot her from the cannon again. Maybe I just don't know her that well..."
End Confessional
Amy was loaded into the cannon, squished up against Scarlett.
"Scarlett leaving in ten… nine… eight…" Chris began counting down as though it were New Year's Eve.
"Seven… six…" Sammy joined in.
"Five… four…" Dave joined in.
"Three… two… one…"
KABOOM!
Scarlett was sent soaring across the sky with Amy at her side. In celebration Dave and Sammy took off their caps and threw them into the air in celebration, cheering.
Meanwhile, Chris closed out the episode.
"Next stop: The super, big, awesome, and deadly finale! Who's about to become one million dollars richer? Will it be Dave? Or will it be Samey?" Chris grabbed the two finalists and pulled them to his sides. "Find out next time! On the season finale of… Total… Drama… Pahkitew Island!"
Epilogue
Dave and Sammy walked back to the treehouse together.
"Wow! We've done it!" Sammy cried. "We're in the finale!"
"We deserve it! We outwitted Scarlett!"
"Yeah! Who'da thunk it?"
"Ella has been avenged!" Dave declared.
"So has Jasmine!" Sammy added.
"And Shawn and Sky!"
"You know, I honestly didn't think I'd get this far with players like Jasmine or Shawn or Sky in the mix."
"That's the advantage of being an underdog!" said Dave.
"Glad you know your finalists!" said Sammy. "It's a shame Ella couldn't make it though."
"Yeah..." said Dave sadly.
"Can I see that letter again?" Sammy asked. Dave handed her the letter. "Wow. That Ella. What an angel! I wish she was on my team instead of Amy..."
"Yeah, I bet."
"But we don't always get what we want..."
"Ain't that the truth." said Dave, thinking of Sky. "So, you also seem to know your Total Drama stuff! Who was your favorite contestant before us?"
"It was Beth. Not only was she funny, but she was awesome! Standing up to Heather in the first season, and then making it all the way to the finals in the next! What about you?"
"In the first season, either Trent or Courtney. They both seemed the most normal there, but in the next season, they both lost their minds, though Trent's descent was more understandable."
"I see..." said Sammy. "So tell me about this Ricky guy."
"Ugh! Him! Where do I start?!" Dave grumped. "All I can tell you is that, in a nutshell, he hates me. Why? I don't know! Maybe he hates germaphobes. Maybe he also had his eyes on a girl I tried to court. Whatever the reason, his greatest ambition in life is to bring me down any way he can! Part of the reason I signed up for Total Drama was to spite him, as I heard he was also going to audition."
"Wow, that sounds bad." said Sammy. "At least you don't have to live with him..."
Dave and Sammy then exchanged stories about what their bullies did to them. There was a wealth of topics on this particular subject, that they were already in the treehouse by the time they changed subjects.
"And that's why I don't like babies." said Sammy, an hour into their conversation. "Though I do have to admit, seeing Amy dressed as a baby was rather cathartic..."
"Never thought I'd meet a girl who doesn't go gaga for human larvae." Dave commented.
"Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I want drooly, poopy babies being shoved in my face."
"I know, right? Sure they're cute, but I just can't get over how unsanitary they can be."
"Man, how did a bunch of baby-hating scumbags like us get to be Total Drama finalists?" Sammy joked.
"Yeah! Let's hope Ella doesn't find out... Now, kittens on the other hand..."
"Yeah, those are adorable! Personally, I prefer puppies."
The two finalists conversed until the sun went down.
"Well, we should probably get to bed. Tomorrow's a big day!" said Sammy.
"Agreed. G'night, Sammy! And may the best person win!" said Dave. The two shook hands.
Rankings
3. Scarlett
4. Ella
5. Jasmine
6. Shawn
7. Sky
8. Topher
9. Beardo
10. Max
11. Rodney
12. Amy
13. Sugar
14. Leonard
Author's note: Alright! We have our finalists! Those of you who've read TDIRC might seem a bit surprised by the finalists, but in my defense, this does not take place in the same universe as my last fic. I didn't want to have Dave as a finalist, but it was never off the table. At first, I wanted Jasmine as a finalist, but I also wanted a strong male opponent for her, and the only match for her was Shawn, really. And I didn't want a couple as finalists, so unless you guys would be okay with them becoming fierce rivals, rather than lovers, it wasn't going to work. I considered Jasmine versus Dave, as I thought it would be a clever inversion of the canon season, but like I said, Jasmine is quite a bit above Dave. Some of you suggested an all-female finale to balance out the all-male finale in Revenge of the Island. That wasn't too big a priority for me, but I did consider Jasmine versus Scarlett, as a parallel to the season four finale (Single-gender, brains versus brawn, good versus evil). At one point I even considered Max versus Ella, as I had heard a rumor (in a youtube comment) that they were originally the final two, as it would be a battle between exaggerated portrayals of good and evil. A common prediction was Jasmine versus Sammy, but I wasn't interested in a friendship finale. I wanted more of a friendly rivalry. From a narrative and writing perspective, Dave and Sammy seemed to make the most sense. When I first started watching TDPI, they appeared to be the main characters of the canon story, what with Sammy learning to stand up for herself, and Dave learning to tolerate oddballs. These storylines seemed like they had the best potential, and I was sorely disappointed with what we got from them. Besides, I still wanted to hold true to the tradition of one boy and one girl in the finale, and I wanted a representative from each team.
Anyway, as for the episode itself, thank you to Polaron, IGwilledCheeseI, lordgemini, and AnonBrowser for your suggestions for challenges! I had a lot of different ideas for Sammy, including an Easter egg hunt, an ATV race, and cheerleading routines. Scarlett's was easy. Dave's was more plot-constructed than the others'. And Ella ended up getting medically evacuated early in the episode. Tragic, I know, but I didn't have the heart to put her in the Cannon of Shame. Her canon elimination was downright traumatizing for me and the worst moment of TDPI! Second worst overall. It was made even worse that she was never acknowledged any time after that! Take the finale. Shawn is listing off possible helpers and he says everyone's name except for Ella's! It's just unbelievable! However, I will admit, I kinda understand why the writers booted her relatively early, given that her ability to magically control animals would make things too easy for her and her team. I found myself coming up with many contrived reasons for her voice not to work, though none as contrived as Chris disqualifying her out of sheer annoyance!
But Scarlett has been defeated! Waddaya think of that? Like Beardo, Scarlett has also grown on me as a character, thanks to Quiet Waters' fic, The Five Steps To Freedom. It gives Scarlett a reason as to how she went berserk, makes her sympathetic, and even features Sammy as a psychiatrist trying to rehabilitate Scarlett. I highly recommend it. If I ever feature Scarlett in another fic, it'll likely be a more positive interpretation.