Total Drama Pahkitew Island Reordered
Chapter 13: Revenge of the Losers
MDReborn: Thank you very much!
SAMOTA: Nope, not in this universe.
LaCuevademisgustos: Indeed. We can certainly expect a bit of crap from Chris.
WeirdAlfan101: Yes, poor Ella. Neither her nor Sammy deserved what they got in canon. They deserved justice and dignity. I'm glad you liked the trivia, it was certainly a fun idea. And thank you so much!
xtremexavier15: Dude, I feel the way I feel. I know Sugar was the villain. That doesn't mean I'm not allowed to hate her. And Shawn not mentioning her was just one example out of many of how little justice she got. And besides, if I didn't judge the majority of characters based on how they treated my favorites, I'd have much less to say about them.
AnonBrowser: Yes, I do like to give people a surprise or two, and as you know, I've broken rules before to do so! And I'm glad to hear that Dave and Sammy's plan had everyone else going as well, because if it didn't, then why would Scarlett fall for it? Throughout the season, I've been trying to portray Dave and Sammy as having above-average intelligence, because that's what it would take to bring Scarlett down. And I'm also happy to hear that you found Scarlett's karma satisfying, as people were really craving some punishment for this season's villains, and I felt nervous with the pressure of making sure it was not only suitable but not too much or too little either. Scarlett is indeed another character who got derailed in TDPI. For your questions regarding this chapter, Chef had the idea for the nail-clippings-and-nose-hair pie. And when Sammy said Cody was cute, she did have a minor crush on him and nothing more. She just let that influence her answer, thinking that there must have been other girls into him that she didn't know about. Regardless, it was indeed a reference to the popular ship. As for TotalDramaRicky, I'm not too worried about him responding to this, given that I've portrayed Dave positively, though part of me seriously thinks he'd feel honored to be portrayed as someone who's giving Dave a hard time. As for what I believe to be the worst moment in Total Drama... Well, I'd rather not say it here, so I'll PM you my thoughts.
romeoaifesili: Those are really good suggestions and I've taken them into account!
Jameel3: Yup, just like Heather, Sugar, and the Ice Dancers, Scarlett has come in the classic villain placing of third. Thank you very much!
Omega Leonidas: Thank you!
Vladitor: A good choice to root for, as I'm sure I've said before.
Darkwing: We shall find out!
CMC: Um, sure?
SuperSonicHeroes: Glad to hear it! Yes, I don't hate it either but I can't deny its flaws, mainly revolving around its characters. Glad to hear that some of the questions in Scarlett's were real brain rackers! And fair enough, rooting for Sammy, even though I did Dave better. Thanks for your review!
Rockin' D-99: A peanut gallery is certainly not out of the question. I'm certainly glad that you're impressed with this chapter. As for Ella elimination... well, I suppose that's one way to look at it, and I do admire her for staying strong afterwards. I just wish she got justice for that.
Cristina Correa: No worries, and thanks a lot! And about Akira, you wouldn't be talking about GundamSamuraiAkira, would you? Because there's a Total Drama fan by that name on DeviantArt who's still relatively active as far as I know.
kirbystarwarrior: It may not seem obvious, but Dave and Sammy's trick did play a part. It's when they're deciding on their challenges, Scarlett believes that the two are targeting each other and attempting to exploit their weaknesses, rendering it unnecessary for her to do so. Consequently, she decided to choose a fun challenge. But thank you, anyway. Yes, people do seem to think that Owen's ending is canon and Gwen's is no more than a DVD extra. Quite frankly, it is a major pet peeve of mine, given that Owen was never my favorite character, and Gwen was always my favorite character. I really think Gwen needs a few stories that take place in the timeline where she won.
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Glad to hear it! Funny, I also had the idea to have Chris make the day's topic about himself. But of course, that would not be as fun.
Guy Buddy: Yup, Scarlett was so sure that there was nothing Dave and Sammy knew that she didn't know. Unfortunately, she forgot to take into account that Chris McLean is somewhat different from Alex Trebek. And we'll see what he has planned here.
lordgemini: Thanks, man!
Crosshot: Nice to see you got the references!
Razenoid: Indeed.
danifan3000: Yes, it would!
Magmahound: Well, we'll see.
Codammy Forever: Yes, that was a shoutout to Codammy shippers.
MatiasND: Yup, I aim to surprise! And to be perfectly honest, the villain coming in third doesn't happen all that often. It only occurred twice. Thrice if you count RR.
Sunshine Sayori: Sorry about that. It just seemed to make the most sense. As for Owen being the "canon" winner, there are several countries where Gwen is the official winner. In my book, that makes Gwen's ending just as legitimate. I choose my winners based on who had the more fitting ending. I don't care who won in Canada, where the show was made. I don't care who won in America, where I live. And I don't care who won in the majority of countries.
Isaacarthy: Thank you, very much!
Goromi Majima: Not a bad idea. No promises though.
TJM: Who knows?
"Previously on Total Drama Pahkitew Island!" Chris narrated. "Ella went home early, but Dave, Samey, and Scarlett got to create their own challenges! Dave came up with a pie-eating contest. Genius move on his part, as it allowed him and Samey to get breakfast after being denied it by Scarlett, who was handicapped by her full tummy, and not very good at eating challenges to begin with. Samey came up with a swim race, which Scarlett won thanks to her magnetic personality, while Dave got a cramp from his challenge and came in last. With the score tied, it came down to Scarlett's challenge: a game of Jeopardy! But thanks to her overconfidence, she allowed me to pick the category and I went with the best one of all: Total Drama, which Scarlett was woefully unprepared for and was sent away, looking quite stupid! The Scarlett Fever has passed! Who's going to kick ass? It'll be sweet to see who gets beat! So grab a seat! There's one million bucks on the line! It's finale time! On Total… Drama… Pahkitew Island!"
After the theme song, we cut to Dave and Sammy sleeping on either side of the treehouse. Or to be more accurate, trying to go to sleep with little success. Despite the defeat of their enemy and coming to a truce, neither competitor had managed to get to sleep before the sun started to come up. They both tossed and turned, the pressure of the finale weighing on them.
Confessional: Sammy
"Ugh, I had a difficult time getting to sleep! It was so weird! I've never had trouble sleeping before such a big competition! I mean, sure, there's a million dollars on the line, and Amy's not here to impede me but… Yeah! It's probably that!"
Confessional: Dave
"I'm not gonna lie, this experience has been really hard. And I can't help but worry about what sick twisted challenge Chris has planned for us. Usually, Total Drama finales are some sort of race, but they tend to get more and more and dangerous with every season. Kinda like Chris. In the first season, Chris was this smarmy jokester with a mean sense of humor, but I could actually see myself becoming friends with him! But now, he's completely obsessed with pain and suffering! And I'm starting to worry that the finale could result in my death! I mean, Chris must be a bazillionaire in order to make this island, so he could very well get away with murder!"
End Confessional
Finally, after a restless night, Chris rudely awakened the two finalists.
HONK!
Dave and Sammy's eyelids shot open, revealing very bloodshot eyes. They cringed in irritation.
"SAMEY AND DAVE! MEETING AREA NOW!" Chris demanded briefly. The two finalists got dressed as quickly as they could and raced to the meeting area. There they found Chris, standing alone, with nothing around him to clue them in as to what the final challenge would be.
"Welcome, finalists!" Chris greeted. "Today, I fire one of you from a cannon! And then, I start my vacation!"
"And you'll hand one of us a million dollars?" Sammy inquired eagerly, bouncing on her heels.
"I haven't forgotten, Samey!" Chris said, annoyed. "I was just focusing on the parts that bring me the most joy!"
"So!" said Dave. "Are you going to bring back all the other contestants to watch?"
"Well, duh!" said Chris. Just at that moment, Chris's helicopter came flying into the meeting area, and out popped the twelve contestants who had not made it into the finale. Jasmine hopped out first, followed by Shawn, then Sky, then Ella, then Beardo, then Topher, then Amy, then Sugar, then Rodney, then Leonard, then Max, and Scarlett was the last to exit the plane. She had evidently no luck in trying to remove her dunce hat in the eighteen hours she had been away and was looking bitter and miserable. Ella looked just as chipper as ever. No one would know that she had just sustained a very serious injury.
"Even though the cast was an effing freak show, it just wouldn't be a Total Drama finale without all the losers coming back to watch someone succeed at what they failed at!" Chris reasoned. "And simultaneously, watch the other one come so far, only for it all to be for nothing!"
"Jasmine!" Sammy cried, running towards the tall girl.
"Sammy!" Jasmine greeted, running towards her with greater excitement. The tall girl scooped up her friend in a big hug. "You made it! Mummy's so proud!"
"Thanks, Jazz!"
"And you took down Scarlett! Good for you!"
"Well, Dave helped…"
"Naw, it was mostly you."
Meanwhile, Dave ran to his former teammates, hugging Ella first.
"Oh, thank goodness!" he cried. "I was so worried! I was afraid you'd die!"
"You're so sweet, David, but I am perfectly fine!" said Ella. Miraculously, her voice was back to normal. "Those doctors are very smart!"
"Hi, Dave!" said Sky. Dave turned to see Sky, smiling shyly at him. He pulled Sky into the hug, not wanting to let go of Ella.
"I thought I'd never see you girls again!"
"Really?" said Sky, amused.
"Thank you, Dave!" said Ella, touched.
"Hey, can I get in on this?" Shawn asked, feeling left out.
"Yeah, sure! Whoa!" said Dave, but before Shawn could join in the hug, Beardo scooped all four of them into arms, squeezed them, and swung them around in circles.
"GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUP HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGG!" he bellowed. Leonard frowned at them. Sugar leered hatefully at them.
Meanwhile, Topher and Rodney greeted Sammy.
"Hi, Sammy!" said Rodney. "I'm glad it's you in the finale!"
"Um, thank you, Rodney!" said Sammy nervously.
"Of course, I'd be happy to have any of my teammates or girlfriends in the finale… Did I just say that out loud?"
"Yes…" said Sammy awkwardly.
"Gah! Stupid!" Rodney grunted. He turned around and smacked himself.
"Congrats on outwitting Scarlett!" said Topher, clapping his hands. "That was very well-played! Very well-played indeed!"
"Thank you, Topher." said Sammy.
"Seriously! You should be an actress! You stick a blueberry on your cheek and say a few snotty things and I'm sure everyone would mistake you for Amy!"
"Really?" said Sammy, intrigued by the thought. She considered what she might have done if Amy had managed to sway the Soaring Eagles to her side. She figured she might give Amy a manchineel fruit to render her unintelligible and then pose as Amy the next time she got eliminated. It seemed exciting.
However, she then remembered the nightmare she had after the fifth challenge and came to the conclusion that it would be rather difficult to live such a lie. Also, Amy would no doubt return and expose her, so she became grateful that she didn't have to do that.
"BEARDO! PUT US DOWN!" Dave cried. Finally, Beardo ended his little game of Ring around the Rosy and set down his former teammates. They all staggered a little, quite dizzy, though Ella sported a little smile.
"Sorry! My little cousins love it when I do that!" he said.
"I can see why!" said Ella. She then hopped away and began spinning like a ballerina.
"What a gal!" Sky gushed, after regaining her balance.
"So…" said Dave.
"Yes, Dave?"
"You really think she's the girl for me?"
"I'm positive! Just give her a chance."
"Oh yeah! She's tons of fun and you're no fun at all!" said Leonard, appearing at his side. "She completes you!"
Dave narrowed his eyes at Leonard.
"Well, excuse me for taking the game seriously!" Dave argued. "After all, that got me into the finale, while you the first boot of our generation!"
"Oh, gimme a break!" Leonard shouted. "You do know that it's against the rules of live-action-role-playing to break character, don't you?"
Dave was slightly taken back. He never thought of it that way. Perhaps Leonard was not as delusional as Dave initially thought. However, it didn't make him much less of an idiot in Dave's opinion.
"Well, you know it's against the rules of Total Drama to be a useless moron, don't you?" he retorted.
"Aw, you're just jealous of the wizard!" Sugar accused.
"Jealous of him?! He's a freak!"
"Oh, I see! You're racist! You don't like the wizard 'cause he's black!"
"I don't like him, because he's an idiot! Like you!"
The two leered at each other with a frightening amount of animosity for two people who had only been together for a day or two.
Meanwhile, Max spoke to Sammy.
"I must thank you for avenging me against my treacherous sidekick!" said Max diplomatically. "Even though you were part of the conspiracy to have me eliminated, you have somewhat redeemed yourself by punishing Scarlett for her betrayal!"
"Um… thanks, Max!" said Sammy, nervously.
Meanwhile, Shawn spoke to Dave.
"Hey, bro! Good job getting this far!"
"Thanks, Shawn! I gotta admit, I'm kinda nervous! Last couple of Total Drama finales have been pretty intense!"
"Well, look it at this way." Shawn began.
"Are you gonna compare this to a zombie apocalypse?" Dave asked. Shawn closed his mouth and grinned sheepishly. "I thought so."
"So, are you gonna ask Sky out again? Or are ya gonna go for Ella?"
"I dunno…" said Dave.
"Well, make up your mind! I'm looking forward to that double-date!"
HONK!
"Attention, freaks and geeks!" Chris called. "It's time to start the challenge! Please take a seat in the peanut gallery of failure! The side you choose should represent the person you want to cheer on to victory!"
A set of metal bleachers rose out of the ground. The left side had a banner with Dave's face over it and the right had Sammy's. Unsurprisingly, many of the eliminated contestants chose the finalist that had been on their team. The four exceptions were Amy, Leonard, and Sugar, who had chosen the other out of spite, and Scarlett, who only chose Dave because Max was supporting Sammy.
Once everyone was settled, five more chairs rose from the ground from behind the bleachers. These chairs were far more glamorous and luxurious than the aluminum bleachers, resembling thrones. They were raised higher than the bleachers.
"What are the fancy chairs for?" Shawn asked.
"Because we've invited some very special guests to watch the finale with us! In contrast to the peanut gallery of failure, we're adding a peanut gallery of victory! Starting this season, the winners of every season will be invited back to give their thoughts and watch the finale! And here they come now!"
Chris pointed towards the helicopter, which had not left. The campers' heads turned to see Gwen, Duncan, Heather, Cameron, and Zoey climbing out of the chopper and making their way to the thrones provided. The Pahkitew Island cast burst into excited mutterings but didn't dare attempt to talk to any of these legends. It was only once they were seated that Ella called out
"Hi, Gwen!"
"Hey, Ella." The winner of Total Drama Island answered casually. The Pahkitew Island cast turned toward the princess.
"Do you know her? Personally?" Sky asked.
"Yup!" said Ella, though she did not elaborate.
Leonard was the next one brave enough to address the winners.
"Salutations, victors of Total Drama!" he greeted. Gwen, Duncan, and Heather looked quite disturbed at this oddball. Cameron and Zoey waved nervously.
"Nice bathrobe, Dumbledork." said Duncan. "You guys know Halloween's a long way away, right?"
"Protego!" Leonard cried, pointing his wand at Duncan. Nothing happened.
Confessional: Duncan
"That wizard kid is just begging me to shove him into a locker!"
End Confessional
"AHEM!" Chris cried. The peanut gallery's attention was turned back to Chris. "Alright! Gwen, Duncan, Heather, Cameron, Zoey, you've all watched the season up to this point! You know Dave and Samey's journeys and how they got here! My question for you guys is: Who do you think deserves to win the season and join your pantheon of champions? Gwen, you go first!"
"Okay…" said Gwen, taking a moment to think. "Well, Sammy's definitely had a difficult life and I can sympathize with that, but… I don't think she's really done much to deserve actually winning. Dave, on the other hand, I actually empathize with him a lot. I know how hard it is to be trapped on a disgusting island surrounded by people who drive you crazy and I found it admirable he learned to tolerate them as time went on, even if he still doesn't like everyone. So, yeah! I'm rooting for Dave!"
Sammy sighed, slightly hurt. Dave smiled.
"Thank you!" cried the germaphobe.
"Alright! Duncan! Your thoughts!" said Chris.
"I'm rooting for Sammy because she's hot!" said Duncan, shortly. Some people chuckled and others rolled their eyes.
"Oh! Uh… Thanks, Duncan!" said Sammy, nervously.
"Seriously, dude?" said Chris.
"What? Were you actually expecting me to give some long cheesy speech on who deserves to win and why?"
"I guess not…" Chris admitted. "Anyway, Heather! Your thoughts!"
Heather was distracted. She was looking down at the Pahkitew Island cast with contempt and disgust.
"Wow, Chris! Is this really the best you could come up with? I've seen losers before, but these guys take the cake! I mean, talk about bottom of the barrel! Did you find them off the side of the road or something?"
"Technically, they were accepted into the season when Chef accidentally knocked their audition tapes into the acceptance machine." said Chris.
"Well, that explains a lot." said Heather and Dave.
"But that wasn't my question! Who do you think deserves to win today? Dave or Samey?"
"Neither! They're both losers in my book. Dave's just another Cody, and Samey's an even weaker of Lindsay!"
"Oy!" cried Jasmine, having enough of the Queen Bee. She stood up to her full height, leaned over Heather, and stared her down. "Her name is Sammy! Get it right!"
"Yes, ma'am!" said Heather timidly. Jasmine sat down leaving Heather looking as shocked as she had when Lindsay had cussed her out. Gwen grinned in approval at the tall girl.
Confessional: Gwen
"I like her!"
End Confessional
"Anyway… Cameron! Give us your thoughts, please." said Chris.
"Well, Sammy's a pretty charming girl and I definitely sympathize with her rough life. But Dave's journey seems more similar to my own, overcoming phobias, realizing who's not to be trusted, and having a few brilliant moments! So yeah, my endorsement is for Dave, though I'll have no problem seeing Sammy win!"
"Thank you, Cameron!" said Chris.
"Yeah, thanks!" said Dave.
"Alright, Zoey! You're up!"
"Okay! Let's see… Well, Dave kinda reminds me of my wonderful boyfriend, Mike, in a few ways, so I wouldn't mind seeing him win. But Sammy… wow, her story just breaks my heart! Constantly being in Amy's shadow, never being able to make friends, the abuse and torment she's received from her sister… Yeah, she really deserves a break and I'm hoping she gets it today!"
"Wow. Thank you, Zoey!" said Sammy, blushing.
"Alright! Let's get started!" said Chris. Dave and Sammy walked up to him, ready to hear what their final challenge would be. "Your final is challenge is so demanding, the lawyers insisted each of you get a couple of helpers! Eh… Not a horrible idea… I mean… maybe they can help us find your bodies!" Dave and Sammy cringed nervously, looking at each other. "So! Which of this season's contestants would you like to help you out?"
Confessional: Sammy
"Shawn has the best skillset. But he's friends with Dave and he might still be mad at me for eliminating him."
Confessional: Dave
"I'd accept Shawn, Sky, Ella, Beardo, Rodney, and Jasmine as my helpers, and I'd decline Leonard, Max, Sugar… Actually, Max and Sugar could be useful… so yeah! Anyone but Leonard."
End Confessional
"Jasmine!" Sammy cried immediately. "I call Jasmine! Jasmine's my pick!"
"And I choose Shawn!" said Dave.
"'Choose?'" Chris repeated, laughing. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! You don't get to choose outright!"
"You just asked who we wanted!" said Dave, incredulously.
"I know! That was just to be mean!" said Chris. "Your helpers will be decided thusly!" A large television screen popped out of the ground, large enough for everyone sitting in the bleachers to get a good look at. Chris took out a remote with a single red button on it. "When you press this button, the possible helpers will flash across the screen! Whoever's face it stops on is your helper!"
Chris demonstrated. Pictures of the twelve eliminated contestants cycled across the television like a slot machine. It landed on Sugar, whose picture had her kissing Boris the boar. Dave and Sammy gagged.
"Can we decline our helpers?" Dave asked.
"If you get someone you don't want, you have two chances to pass and spin again. But be careful! This might hurt their feelings!" Dave rolled his eyes. "You'll each have a total of three helpers! Who goes first will be decided by a coin toss!"
Chris tossed a gold coin at the finalists, hitting Sammy in the eye.
"Ow!" she cried.
"Samey wins!" Chris declared. "Let's see who ya get!"
Chris handed the remote to Sammy. The cheerleader pressed the button and pictures came flying across the screen too fast for her to make out the pattern. After about five of seconds struggling to make out the pattern, she gave up and pressed the button randomly. It stopped on a picture of Max. He was currently in Scuba Bear's grip and at his mercy.
"Max!" Chris cried.
"Uh… no thanks!" said Sammy. Max still frightened her. She hit the button again.
"REVENGE!" Max yelled, offended.
Sammy ignored him and hit the button again, landing on a picture of Rodney with his face swollen up from a rattlesnake bite.
"Rodney!" Chris cried.
"Rodney?" said Sammy, looking uncomfortable. She was very conflicted. Rodney had great physical strength, but his naiveté regarding romance made Sammy, as well as every other female on the island, quite uncomfortable.
"I'd be happy to help!" Rodney cried, as though sensing Sammy's inner conflict. "I'm really strong! And I can build stuff! And Sammy's a great friend!"
"I dunno… Are you gonna be able to focus on the challenge without thinking about love?" The cheerleader asked.
"I'll be a good boy! I promise!" Rodney said desperately, holding his hands up in a begging/praying position. Sammy was hesitant. She then decided that there were worse options, and that she didn't want to use up her second pass so soon.
"Okay… Alright. You're in." said Sammy.
"Yeah!" Rodney got up and hopped out of the bleachers, running to Sammy's side.
"Rodney, please!" Sammy cried nervously. "A little personal space!"
"Sorry!" said Rodney, distancing himself from the cheerleader.
"Dave! Your turn!" said Chris. The germaphobe took the remote from Sammy and started spinning through his options. He landed on a picture of Beardo covered in bird poop.
"Beardo, huh?" he said, intrigued. "Yeah, why not?"
"Woohoo!" Beardo cried in Homer Simpson's voice. He got up and ran to Dave's side.
"Alright, Samey! Your turn again!" said Chris. The cheerleader took the remote and spun again. When she hit the button, it stopped on a picture of Amy, dressed like an oversized baby.
"Amy? No way in Hell would I trust her to help me!" Sammy exclaimed. "Though I gotta say, Amy, I love that picture of you! You really rock that diaper!"
Amy flipped her sister off, while most of the other contestants laughed. Sammy hit the button again.
"No more chances!" Chris cried. "Who ya get is who ya get!"
Sammy was much more cautious given that she was stuck with whoever she landed on. After ten seconds, she hit the button and the spinner landed on a picture of Jasmine with a beetle in her mouth.
"Jasmine!" she cried excitedly. "Sweet!"
Jasmine happily hopped out of the bleachers and ran to her friend. Dave took the remote, looking rather nervous. He spun and landed on a picture of Scarlett. While it was clear at this point that all of these pictures were rather humorous, Scarlett's picture had been edited for greater effect. In addition to the dunce hat, her eyes were crossed, her jaw was slack, her tongue stuck out, and she had a hideously deformed overbite.
"Scarlett!" Chris announced. Everyone laughed at her picture, except for Cameron, Dave, and Scarlett herself. Everyone was expecting Dave to pass on her, but he stood still, looking quite thoughtful. He then turned to look at Jasmine and Rodney, feeling quite intimidated at the sight of both of them.
"I'll take her!" said Dave. Eyes popped. Jaws dropped. A few people exclaimed "What?!" in shock, including Scarlett herself.
The redheaded brainiac got up and walked over to Dave with an astonished look on her face.
"You would actually accept my assistance after what I did?" Scarlett asked.
"Well… you are the most brilliant competitor Total Drama has ever seen." said Dave respectfully.
Scarlett stood silently, in thought.
"…Very well." she said.
Confessional: Dave
"Desperate times call for desperate measures. Normally I wouldn't consider it, but Jasmine and Rodney are working for Sammy. If I recall correctly, Scarlett somehow defeated Jasmine and then bragged about how it's brains over brawn. Sammy seems to be going for brawn, so I figure, why not go for brains?"
Confessional: Scarlett
"It's clear that Dave's trying to flatter me into assisting him. I will admit, while I'm not happy I lost, I do respect Dave and Sammy enough for being able to pull one over on me."
End Confessional
"Didn't see that coming… Alright, Samey! Time to choose your final helper!" Chris announced. Sammy hit the spinner once again. She wound up with
"Shawn!" cried Chris. The spinner had stopped on a picture of Shawn shooting boogers out of his nose.
"Oh dear!" cried Sammy, conflicted.
"Wow! How awkward!" Chris commented. "You got someone who you deliberately screwed over, despite him doing lots of good things for you, and is rooting for your opponent!"
Shawn walked up to Sammy with a grumpy look on his face.
"Hi, Shawn." said Sammy awkwardly.
"Hey." he grumbled. Jasmine looked down in concern.
"Oy, Shawn." said Jasmine. "No need to be a poor sport."
Shawn didn't respond. Meanwhile, it was Dave's turn to choose his final partner. He landed on Leonard.
"Leonard!" Chris announced, though he didn't even have enough time to say the wizard's name before Dave hit the button again.
"Hey!" Leonard cried, offended.
Dave landed on Sugar.
"There ain't no way I'd help some wizard-hatin', princess-lovin' crybaby!" Sugar yelled.
"Well, there ain't no way I'd want the help of some wizard-lovin', princess-hatin' swine!" Dave retorted, mockingly imitating Sugar's accent. He hit the button again, with Sugar glaring murderously at him.
"No more chances to pass!" Chris announced. "And your final helper is… Sky!"
Dave landed on a picture of Sky belching.
"Yeah!" said Dave. Sky happily rose out of the bleachers and went to Dave's side.
Meanwhile, Jasmine took Shawn aside.
"Listen, I know you're angry about Sammy sending you home." said Jasmine calmly. "I was angry, too. But I don't want you sabotaging her out of spite or to help Dave!"
"I wasn't planning on it…" said Shawn.
"Tell ya what. Sammy's said she wants to split the million with me! How about, I split my share with you?"
"I'd feel better if I had earned it." said Shawn, still unenthusiastic about supporting his friend's opponent. Jasmine's eyes popped, she put a hand to her chin as she dove into deep thought.
"Ahem!" Chris cried. "Reunion over? Good! It's time to start your final challenge! I have endearingly entitled it 'The Double Duo of Deadly Dying Death!'"
"Gee, is it gonna be dangerous?" Dave asked facetiously to mask his fear. Chris groaned, apparently not picking up on Dave's sarcasm.
"The Double Duo of Deadly Dying Dangerous Death!"
"Something tells me it's gonna be dangerous." He whispered to Sky, who giggled.
"As you all know, a few nights ago, the island went berserk and started rearranging itself! We were able to get it back under control, but we've had no time to explore all the bizarre and wonderful new dangers the island has to offer. Until now! Dave and Samey! With assistance from your helpers, you will race across the island! First one to cross the finish line, right over here, will receive one million dollars!"
Chris held out a briefcase and opened it, allowing the campers to get a good look at the cash. The campers all cheered, save for those who had been rejected as helpers.
"Cha-Ching!" Beardo imitated the sound of a cash register bell.
"And all you have to do is survive a two-thousand-foot plummet from an ice cliff," The television came on displaying a snow-covered mountain with an extremely steep slope. "Successfully learn to breathe while submerged in mud," A river of deep mud was situated at the base of the mountain. "And then sprint two miles across a wide-open field! This area is pretty glitchy though, and there will be a few surprises, but I'm fairly sure no serious harm will come to you!"
Chris and Chef burst into hysterics.
"The point I'm making is," Chris said after settling down. "There is a decent chance you might not survive this!"
The campers cringed fearfully.
"Now, you may only have one helper per section! Dave and Samey, choose where your partners will help you!"
Both teams dove into discussion. After a little bit of arguing within both parties, it was agreed that Scarlett and Rodney would assist the finalists in the mountain section, Jasmine and Beardo would help them in the mud river, and Shawn and Sky would protect them through the plains from whatever dangers Chris was implying. Chef then passed out helmets to Dave, Sammy, Scarlett, and Rodney.
"For the first part of the challenge, the lawyers insisted that you wear helmets to protect your brains! I mean, who knows? Someday, you may start using them!" Chris teased. Scarlett flipped Chris off, her dunce cap still on full display for everyone. "When you get to the top of the mountain, it might be a good idea to build a bobsled or it'll be a very rough ride down! Everyone on the chopper! Your challenge begins… now!"
HONK!
"Goodbye! Good luck! Are things I'd say if I cared!" Chris cried.
The finalists and their helpers crammed into the helicopter, followed by Chef. On the way to the mountain, he dropped off Shawn, Sky, Beardo, and Jasmine off at their respective stations.
Meanwhile, Chris turned to the peanut gallery, which was half empty now.
"Would all the contestants who have been rejected as helpers please follow me?" Chris commanded, a wicked smirk on his face. Max, Leonard, Sugar, and Amy all shot each other curious glances before rising out of their seats and following Chris.
"This cannot be good." Gwen muttered.
Below the winners, the bleachers were practically empty, save for Topher and Ella. The former turned to the latter.
"So… seen any good movies lately?" he asked awkwardly.
"Hold on! It's starting!" Ella cried, pointing to the television. The screen had two windows open, one that was monitoring Dave and the other Sammy.
The finalists and their helpers were shoved out of the helicopter by Chef resulting in rough landings in the snow. Sammy and Rodney recovered first. After pulling themselves up, they saw a huge pile of junk from which the materials to build their bobsled rested.
"Rodney, you don't know how to build a bobsled, do you?" Sammy asked.
"Of course I do!" said Rodney, confidently.
"Really?" said Sammy, surprised.
"Yeah! Quick, find me some rope!" the big guy commanded, picking up a sink and a pair of skies.
Meanwhile, Dave and Scarlett managed to pick themselves up and wipe the snow off their bodies.
"We're already behind!" Dave cried as Rodney hastily put together a heavy-looking sled with Sammy's assistance. "Quick, how do we make a bobsled?"
"Forget the bobsled!" Scarlett shouted. She ran to the junk pile and grabbed another pair of skies. She ran to the edge and fastened them to her feet. "Jump on!"
Dave jumped on the skies behind Scarlett and the two took off down the mountain, maneuvering around many moguls of snow.
"We're falling behind!" Sammy cried urgently.
"One moment! Just gotta tighten this!" Rodney cried.
"Rodney! Hurry! We're losing time!"
"I know what I'm doing!" said Rodney, tying a knot and finishing up the sled. "There! Let's go!"
Rodney pushed the bobsled to the edge. It was made of a sink, an empty oil drum, and two snow shovels at the front positioned like a snowplow, all of which were tied to two sets of skies.
Rodney got in the front with Sammy behind him.
"Here we go!" Rodney cried launching the two of them down the mountain.
Meanwhile, up ahead, Dave and Scarlett were a third of the way down the mountain. The former looked back to see that his opponent had just started.
"Ha! They'll never catch up!" Dave boasted.
"Keep focused! Left!" Scarlett commanded. Dave obeyed, leaning to the left in sync with Scarlett to avoid yet another mogul of snow.
Rodney's bobsled was paying off, it was already gaining on Dave and Scarlett. However, the big guy wasn't doing much to avoid the moguls and it eventually looked like they would collide head-on with one.
"How do you steer this thing?!" Sammy cried.
"We don't need to!" Rodney yelled, a daring grin on his face, increasing Sammy's fear.
"Rodney! We're gonna crash!"
"Exactly!"
DOOF!
Sammy and Rodney punched straight through the mogul without losing speed. Rodney was covered in snow and couldn't see but Sammy, deliberately shielded by the big guy, was unharmed.
DOOF! DOOF! DOOF! DOOF! DOOF! DOOF! DOOF!
Sammy and Rodney punched through every mogul in their path down the mountain. They had finally caught up to Dave and Scarlett at about three-quarters of the way down. Rodney was blinded by the snow and Sammy was hiding behind him so they couldn't that they were about to barrel past them.
"Right!" cried Scarlett, but Dave panicked and went left instead, causing the two to rotate on the spot, almost tipping over.
WHOOSH!
Sammy and Rodney zoomed past Dave and Scarlett. They didn't make come into contact, but the air pressure combined with the sideways positions knocked Dave and Scarlett over causing them to tumble down the mountain in a painful heap. It didn't help that Dave's vest and Scarlett's sweater were both made of cotton. As they painfully tumbled they were eventually rolled into a snowball.
Meanwhile, Sammy and Rodney had just reached the base of the mountain and the sled slowed down, eventually stopping. Rodney was covered in snow, looking like a big snowman.
"Wow! Awesome work, Rodney!" Sammy cried, legitimately impressed. He had gotten her to the bottom of the mountain completely unharmed. Which was more than he could say for himself. Rodney was frozen solid and didn't respond, even when Sammy wiped the snow off of him.
"Rodney? Rodney?" she cried, worried. Rodney sat on the bobsled shivering. His entire body was an icy blue. She sighed. "Oh, I'm going to regret this…"
Smooch!
Sammy pecked Rodney's cheek and ran off. Rodney eventually came to.
"Did she just-?!" he gasped. "Does this mean-?! Maybe I-! No. No, Rodney, you've already made a fool of yourself! She's just thanking you… But she kissed me! If that's not true love, then I don't know-!"
Rodney was interrupted when a giant snowball containing Dave and Scarlett steamrolled over him.
Confessional: Rodney
"Okay. Maybe Sammy only did that to snap me out of that trance. And to thank me for getting her down safely."
End Confessional
Speaking of Dave and Scarlett, once the snowball had stopped moving, the two attempted to free themselves, but only managed to get their heads and left arms out. Dave tried to pound the snowball to break it apart, but it was too compact.
"Ow! Icy!" he cried.
"What part of 'right' do you not understand?!" Scarlett scolded.
"Well, excuse me! People get right and left mixed up all the time!" Dave defended.
"Yes, well, now you've acquired a disadvantage."
"Any ideas on how to get out of this, brainiac?"
"Not my problem. I got you to the bottom, as I was instructed to do. You're on your own now."
Dave growled at Scarlett.
"Meow!" mewed an orange kitten nearby.
"What the-? Is that a kitten?" Scarlett asked. Dave gasped, having recognized it as the one he met underground during the tenth challenge.
"Hey, catbot!" Dave cried, tauntingly. The kitten looked at Dave. "Yeah, I'm talking to you, ya hideous fleabag!"
The kitten hissed at them. Scarlett looked inquiringly over her shoulder.
"What are you doing?" she asked. Dave ignored her. He figured he could have warned Scarlett to duck, but her bad attitude made him decide against it.
"Are you programmed to lick your butt and poop in a box?"
The kitten's eyes glowed red. It opened its mouth wide, and an electrical charge built up. Dave ducked his head, giving Scarlett no indication to do the same.
FWOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
A stream of fire shot out of the kitten's mouth, incinerating the snowball and freeing Dave and Scarlett.
"Yeah! Who's the smart guy, now?" Dave boasted.
"My hair!" Scarlett cried, her hands flying to her scalp. The dunce hat had been destroyed but at the cost of much of Scarlett's hair. Dave was torn between sympathy and schadenfreude.
"Well, at least you don't have the dunce hat super-glued to your head anymore!" he offered.
Scarlett turned and growled at him like a Doberman. Dave put his hands up defensively, thinking Scarlett was going to hurt him. However, her rage dissipated into grief. Tears streamed from her eyes and she ran off sobbing. Dave was puzzled, but quickly put it out of his mind as he ran to the next challenge.
"This finale's out of control!" Chris narrated. "Dave's yelling at kittens! Sammy kissed Rodney! And Scarlett's crying! Stay tuned! Someone is leaving here a millionaire! It's the finale of Total… Drama… Pahkitew Island!"
After the commercial break, we cut to Chris, standing between Jasmine and Beardo. Sammy ran up to them.
"Welcome back!" Chris addressed the audience. "Samey is the first to make it here, the world's largest mud puddle! It's eight feet deep and two-hundred yards across! And since it's too thick to swim through, the only way to the other side is with the finalist being piggybacked by their partner!"
"Won't the person on the bottom drown?" Sammy asked nervously.
"Yes!" said Chris simply. Jasmine and Beardo exchanged frightened looks. "Unless they use these garden hoses as snorkels!" Chris passed out two garden hoses to Jasmine and Beardo.
"Oh, okay then!" said Beardo, relieved.
"Are you okay with this, Jasmine?" Sammy asked.
"Of course, I am! Why wouldn't I be?"
"Well, I suppose you are getting half a million dollars out of me…"
"I don't care about the money anymore!" said Jasmine.
"You don't?" Sammy asked.
"No! That would be selfish of me to expect you to give up your prize, just because I'm your friend!"
"But what about our deal?"
"Our deal was that we'd split it if we both made the finale. You made the finale, and I didn't! And that means you should spend it however you want it!"
"Wow… You're the best, Jazz!"
"Thanks. Now, hop on!" The tall girl leaned down, allowing the cheerleader to climb on her shoulders. Jasmine stuck one end of the hose in her mouth and handed Sammy the other end. The two hopped in the mud puddle just as Dave arrived.
"Aw (BLEEP!)" Dave whined. "How clean is this mud?! Because last time, I was under an outhouse, and the mud was really-!"
"Dave, we're behind!" Beardo stated seriously. He lifted the germaphobe up and planted him on top of his enormous afro.
"I hate mud!"
"Well, don't you hate the idea of losing a million dollars?" Beardo countered. Dave said nothing for a second, and then nodded, an apprehensive but determined expression on his face. Beardo stuck the hose in his mouth and Dave held it up.
"CANNONBALL!" the human soundboard cried before leaping into the river.
SPLASH!
The splash was much more dramatic than the girls' thanks to Beardo. And as Beardo shuffled along the bottom of the river he kept Dave distracted by imitating the sound of submarine sonar.
"Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!" he mimicked.
Jasmine and Sammy had a healthy lead before Jasmine stopped cold.
"Jasmine? What are you doing?" Sammy asked. Jasmine couldn't respond, and Sammy wasn't even sure she could hear her. The tall girl turned around and began to walk back to the start. "Jasmine, stop! You're going the wrong way!"
Sammy's legs wrapped were around Jasmine's bosom. She could feel her heart rate rising.
"Oh no." Sammy muttered, realization setting in. "Her claustrophobia. Crap!"
In all the excitement, Sammy and Jasmine had forgotten that the latter was terrified of confined spaces, E.G. being submerged in mud.
"Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!" Beardo mimicked.
"What the? Why are they coming back?" Dave asked.
"We had the lead!" Sammy yelled into the hose. "Turn around!"
The two teams collided, Jasmine into Beardo, and Sammy into Dave.
"What are you doing?!" Dave cried, pushing Sammy away. "Get offa me!"
"Hey, watch it!" Sammy cried, slapping Dave's hand away. The two then got into a rather juvenile slap-fight. However, the real fight was in the mud. Both Jasmine and Beardo were punching each other in frustration and desperation. Eventually, the tall girl got the best of the human soundboard and knocked him aside, thus sending Dave into the mud. She then ran to the beginning of the mud river.
"Sorry, sheila!" Jasmine apologized, once she came out. "I forgot I'm a total wuss when it comes to confined spaces. I'm no good to you here."
"Then you get on my shoulders and I'll carry you!" Sammy demanded.
"What?!" Jasmine cried. "You can't carry me!"
"I'm a cheerleader! I can hold three girls my size! You'll be fine!"
"But-!"
"Get on my shoulders, young lady! Now!" Sammy demanded in a strict maternal tone.
"Yes, Mummy!" Jasmine said timidly. She situated herself on Sammy's shoulders. Surprisingly enough, Sammy did not fall over. She wobbled a little but was able to carry her friend back to the river and hop in. Jasmine's head barely popped above the surface of the water, but it was enough to keep her calm.
Meanwhile, Beardo had spent the last two minutes searching for Dave before he drowned, he was starting to panic when he finally found the germaphobe, who had gone limp from lack of oxygen. Beardo pinched the end of the garden hose, pulled it out of his mouth, and stuck it in Dave's. The germaphobe gasped for breath, his body straightening up. Beardo grabbed Dave and dragged him to the side of the river and threw him up over the side.
After some heavy panting, Dave spoke.
"Thanks, Beardo."
"Noooooo problem-o!"
"Hey! They started over! Let's go!" Dave cried, getting back in Beardo's hair.
Confessional: Dave
"I gotta admit, I'm surprised I made it through that without freaking out that the hose was in Beardo's mouth! Can you believe I used to hate this guy? I mean, at first, I thought he was being annoying on purpose with all his sound effects. But once he started talking, I realized that he's actually a really cool guy!"
End Confessional
Beardo and Dave hopped back in the mud as Sammy and Jasmine passed them. It was neck-and-neck now!
Meanwhile, Rodney had returned to the peanut gallery.
"Hey, Rodney. Where's Scarlett?" Cameron asked.
"I dunno." Rodney shrugged.
"Well, I'm gonna go find her." He hopped off of his throne and looked around the island for his fellow brainiac. Eventually, he found her in the bushes, sobbing into her hands.
"Scarlett? You okay?" Cameron asked, putting a hand on Scarlett's back. The redhead gasped and looked up.
"Cameron!" Scarlett said. She got up and began backing away. "What do you want? You here to scold me? To make fun of me?"
"No, I just wanted to see if you were okay." said Cameron calmly.
"Do I look okay?"
"No."
"Well, you're right!"
"I haven't come to bully you, Scarlett." said Cameron. "I really do feel sorry for you!"
"Really? How could you feel sorry for me?"
"I saw you on Teen Jeopardy. I was rooting for you then, and when you lost at the last second, I really felt your pain. I was really hoping you'd win Pahkitew Island as well."
"You were supporting me?!"
"Up to a point, yes. Of course, I didn't approve of your tactics, but I understood your motives, even before you said it in the last episode."
Scarlett stood with her head down.
"I was rooting for you, too." said Scarlett.
"Pardon?" said Cameron.
"In Revenge of the Island. I didn't expect you to come out on top, but damned if I wasn't ecstatic that a physically-lacking brainiac was able to overcome a bird-brained jock like Lightning! Your victory was an inspiration to everyone who believes in brains over brawn!"
"Thank you, Scarlett." said Cameron, blushing.
"Of course, I'm evil. So you probably deserved it more than I did."
"Evil's a very strong word." said Cameron. "Sure, you were ruthless, but you've done nothing you can't redeem yourself for.
He took off his hoodie and handed it to Scarlett. Scarlett stared for a moment before taking off her own sweater and giving it to Cameron. She took the hoodie and put it on. It was a bit snug, considering the size difference between them, but the hood did the job of covering up Scarlett's baldness quite well. She gave a grateful smile and followed Cameron back to the peanut gallery.
"You really believe so?" Scarlett asked.
"If Scott is any indication, then redemption's possible for anyone, so long as they don't try to kill anyone." Cameron affirmed.
Meanwhile, Dave, Sammy, and their helpers had just reached the end of the mud river, simultaneously. Beardo launched Dave out of the mud and onto the shore. Jasmine climbed out easily and pulled her friend out with equal ease. Dave seized Beardo by the top of his afro and yanked him out of the mud as though he were a radish. The four collapsed into a huge muddy heap. Chef arrived with a firehose and blasted the mud off of them. When he was done, he dragged Jasmine and Beardo back to the bleachers.
"We're all tied up!" Chris announced. "It's the perfect time for a little break! And to introduce the twist to today's challenge!"
"Twist?" Sammy repeated nervously.
"What are they doing here?" Dave asked, pointing behind Chris. Leonard Sugar, Max, and Amy were standing behind him, looking angry.
"The twist is that every camper you rejected as a helper gets to be a hinderer instead!" Chris announced. He handed out Playstation 4 controllers to the four losers. Another television screen popped out of the ground, along with four chairs. "Inspired by Scarlett's unorthodox strategy, Leonard, Sugar, Amy, and Max will use these controllers to throw up obstacles to slow you down! Or completely crush you!"
"Excellent!" Max exclaimed.
"Yee-haw!" Sugar cried.
"Intriguing…" Leonard commented.
"Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!" Amy snickered wickedly, a deranged smile plastered across her face.
Dave and Sammy gulped.
"And that's not all!" said Chris. "You have ten minutes to finish this challenge! If neither of you do, these four get to split the million!"
"WHAT?!" Sammy screamed.
"You can't do that!" Dave yelled.
"I can! I will! I am!" said Chris.
HONK!
"GO!" Chris cried. Dave and Sammy wasted no time and bolted across the field, with Sky and Shawn joining them. The losers sat down in the chairs and turned their eyes on the screen.
"I could win a share of the million despite being the first boot?" Leonard exclaimed, awed. "What a joke!"
"These fools will know the meaning of true evil!" Max proclaimed.
"What are you ladies going to spend the money on?" Leonard asked.
"Who cares?!" said Sugar, looking at the TV with just as much malice as Amy, if not more. "I just wanna crush 'em!"
"I'm gonna light it on fire in front of Samey!" Amy grinned psychotically.
A look of mild concern crossed the larper's face.
Dave and Sammy ran across the plains toward the finish line with Sky and Shawn at their sides, respectively. For the first twenty seconds, nothing happened, and the race was neck-and-neck. Dave and Sammy were still incredibly nervous, given that the island was about to be set against them. But even being on their guard didn't prepare them for what came.
WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH!
A dozen trees shot out of the ground like missiles and then rained upon the finalists and their helpers.
"Rocket trees?!" Dave yelled. The trees struck the ground, with Sky and Shawn doing everything they could to make sure Dave and Sammy weren't hurt. The trees punctured the ground with terminal force.
Once the last tree hit the ground, the four continued the race. However, they didn't get much further before black clouds obscured the sky almost instantaneously. It began pouring rain by the bucket, and winds blew at forty miles an hour.
"Oh, come on!" Sammy wailed.
"Don't you give up, missy!" Shawn scolded. "You got a million dollars to win!"
The survivalist grabbed the cheerleader's hand and yanked her through the storm.
KABOOM! KABOOM! KABOOM!
Lightning began striking dangerously close to the finalists.
"It's the apocalypse!" Dave cried.
"You keep going, mister!" Sky yelled.
Sammy fell behind when several boulders popped out of the ground tripping her and Shawn and up.
Dave and Sky celebrated their lead, only to slip on the soaked ground, landing painfully on their tailbones. Sammy and Shawn cast sympathetic glances as they passed them.
Confessional: Leonard
"Punish the non-believers!"
Confessional: Max
"I am the villain of Total Drama Pahkitew Island! Not Scarlett! And I shall prove it by depriving both finalists of their prize! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Confessional: Amy
"This is so much fun! Samey's been horrible to me this entire show, and she needs to learn her place! I am going to hurt her, badly!"
Confessional: Sugar
"Chris said we could crush them if we wanted to."
End Confessional
The danger kept intensifying. Dave and Sky were swept up in a dust devil. Shawn and Sammy were knocked aside by a mudslide. Both pairs were nailed by geysers. The idea of geysers gave someone the idea of a volcano erupting behind them.
"You have got to be kidding me!" Dave cried as the molten lava began flowing down the mountain towards the finalists.
"They're not making this easy!" said Sammy.
"Would you?" said Dave.
The ground began rumbling.
"ROCKSLIDE!" The four screamed.
Meanwhile with the hinderers…
"Guys, ease up on them!" Leonard shouted, sounding alarmed. "We just wanna slow them down, not kill them!"
"Says you!" Amy cried.
"Ooh! They're getting close!" Chris announced.
The hinderers growled in frustration and redoubled their efforts.
Confessional: Max
"I don't want them dead. Sure, murder is evil, but it's also illegal, and therefore impractical."
End Confessional
After crossing a violently powerful stream via Shawn and Sky's gymnastics, Dave and Sammy were fighting their way through a blizzard.
"I can see the finish line!" Sammy cried.
A tree collapsed. If it wasn't for Shawn and Sky's bravery, Dave and Sammy would have been pinned under it. Alas, Shawn and Sky were pinned instead.
"Sky!" Dave cried.
"Shawn!" Sammy cried.
"I can't go on!" Sky yelled. "Get going!"
"I'm stuck! You're almost there, Sammy!" cried Shawn. "Don't let me hold you back! GO!"
The two finalists jumped back into the race, without the protection of their helpers. They struggled against the wind blowing them in the opposite of their destination.
"TWO MINUTES LEFT, GUYS!" Chris warned. The two looked out towards the finish line. At this rate, they would be lucky to finish within five minutes.
"D-D-D-D-Dave?!" Sammy cried, shivering.
"S-S-S-S-Sam-m-m-m-m-m-my?!" Dave answered, his teeth chattering.
"T-T-T-Truce?!"
"T-T-Truce?!"
"If w-w-w-we k-keep this up, n-n-neither of us will w-w-w-w-win!"
"Ag-g-gr-greed!"
Dave reached his arm out and the two moved to each other. They grabbed each other's arms, put their hands on each other's backs, and pushed each other towards the finish line.
For a moment it seemed like they were going to make it.
"Bad news, guys!" Leonard cried. "It's all uphill from here!"
They were maybe twenty yards away from the finish line when it happened. The ground they were standing on began trembling, as though it were an earthquake. Fissures appeared around the finalists. Finally, the ground shot upwards and kept going up and up and up, until finally, it stopped. Dave and Sammy were trapped on the top of a one-hundred-foot mountain.
"(BLEEP!)" cried both of the finalists, their profanity echoing across the island.
"There! That should do it!" said Leonard, satisfied. He put down his controller and folded his arms, confident that he and the other hinderers had won.
"What do we do, now?!" Sammy yelled, panicking.
"We'd need an avalanche to get down there in time!" Dave cried.
"IT'S NOT FAIR!" Sammy screamed, stamping her feet. "NO! NO! NO! NO!" she jumped up and down. The mountain didn't budge. "Dammit…" she muttered, under much more control than she appeared to be a second prior.
"TWENTY SECONDS LEFT!" Chris announced.
"I was being rhetorical!" said Dave. "We're finished!"
"Sugar, everyone hates you!" Sammy called. "I'd call you a disgusting pig, but that would be an insult to disgusting pigs! Ella is a million times the girl you'll ever be! A million times prettier, a million times more talented, a million times more charming, and a million times the person you'll ever be! And she has better taste in boys!"
The earth began rumbling as though something humongous was tunneling underground. Dave and Sammy thought it might have been the mechanical dragon. Whatever it was, it was burrowing towards them, coming up through the mountain.
CRACK!
With a literally earth-shattering crack, the Cannon of Shame popped out of the top of the mountain.
"What have you done?!" Dave cried, terrified. Sammy grinned.
KABOOM!
The cannon was empty, but the loud gunshot was enough to rend the mountain apart and cause an avalanche. Dave and Sammy tumbled down towards the finish line but they were both lost in the falling snow. Those seated in the peanut gallery were shocked and terrified. The hinderers watched with sadistic glee, except for Leonard, whose expression was more similar to those in the peanut gallery.
"Six… five… four…" Chris counted down. "Three… two… one…"
HONK!
Right before Chris honked the airhorn, a wave of snow hit ground level and crossed the finish line.
"Game over!" Chris cried.
Max, Amy, and Sugar cheered victoriously.
"Are they okay?" Leonard asked.
"Who cares?! We W-H-U-N!" Sugar proclaimed.
"Congratulations!" said Chris. "You know what they say: Revenge is a dish best served cold! And in million-dollar competitions!"
Meanwhile, at the peanut gallery, Jasmine and Ella snapped out of their terrified trances and rushed towards the scene of the avalanche, and began to dig through the snow.
"Sammy?!" Jasmine yelled. "Sammy, where are you?!"
"Dave?!" Ella cried. "David?! My prince, please don't be dead!"
"What are you all doing?! Waiting for an invitation?!" Jasmine yelled at the peanut gallery. "Get down here and help us look for them!"
Gwen, Duncan, Cameron, Zoey, Rodney, and Beardo jumped out of the bleachers and began to help shift through the snow. Shawn and Sky arrived a couple of seconds later to help.
"Wait!" said Max, growing nervous. "They're not really dead, are they?"
"Of course not!" said Amy, dismissively. "Chris wouldn't actually let anyone die! …Right, Chris?"
"Well, they did sign a release form." said Chris, naughtily.
Amy's smug grin faded into terror.
"No! No! Samey can't die!" Amy cried. "If she's dead, I won't be able to rub my victory in her face!"
"Well, we can check for heat signatures, just to make sure." Chris took Sugar's remote and pressed a couple of buttons. Two heat signatures appeared in the snow, but only one of them was across the finish line.
"Oh, what have we here?" Chris commented.
Back at the finish line, a hand sprouted out of the ground across the finish line. But was it a masculine Indian hand or a feminine Caucasian hand?
…
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…
…
…
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It was the latter.
Gasps went out. Jasmine charged towards the hand, seized it, and lifted the winner of Total Drama Pahkitew Island out of the ground.
"Did I win…?" Sammy asked weakly.
"YOU WON!" Jasmine yelled, ecstatic. Sammy's supporters went wild cheering. Dave's supporters clapped politely. Jasmine tossed her up and down several times before the message sank in.
"Whoa! I won?" Sammy said, dazed. "Yes! I won! I won! Eat your heart out, Amy!"
Max and Amy sighed in relief.
"Thank evilness!" Max exclaimed.
"Wait! She won?!" The evil twin cried. "Nooooooooooooo!"
Meanwhile, Ella dug up Dave.
"Is… is it over?" he asked.
"It's over, my prince." said Ella solemnly. "Samantha won."
"Of course…" Dave sighed. "At least I survived."
Shawn, Sky, and Beardo helped him out of the snow and sat him down on the ground. During this, Dave's sneaker fell off his foot.
"Oh, you dropped your shoe!" Ella cried. She snatched it up. "Here. Let me help you!"
Ella put his shoe back on his foot, adjusted it, and tied the knot beautifully. Dave smiled appreciatively.
"Say, Ella…" Dave began nervously. "You wanna go catch a movie or dinner or something?"
Ella gasped. She checked Dave's face to see if he was being sincere. And he no doubt was.
"Oh, David…!" Ella swooned. "We shall be married in the morning!"
"What?" Dave asked. Ella hugged him and dragged him to his feet. Sky, Shawn, and Beardo chuckled.
"We'll live in a castle! Own a pet unicorn! We'll both live to be a hundred years old!"
"A hundred?!"
"You'll become President of the United States!"
"But I'm Canadian…"
"And we'll have twelve children!"
"Twelve?! Ella…"
"We'll name the boys Beardo, Leonard, Rodney, Topher, Max, and Shawn!"
"Ella, please…"
"And we'll name the girls Jasmine, Sky, Sammy, Scar-"
"ELLA!" Dave shouted, putting an end to Ella's monologue. She frowned and looked at him. "I just asked you out! It's a little early to be thinking about marriage."
"But, David…" Ella began, but Dave cut her off.
"Don't wanna hear the 'but.' Let's just see where this goes. Okay?" Dave took her hand gently in his and smiled at her. Ella, though initially disappointed, eventually took satisfaction in that proposal and smiled back.
"Okay!" she said.
Confessional: Ella
"I may have gotten a little overexcited there!"
End Confessional
Meanwhile, Sammy sat on Jasmine's shoulders, basking in the praise, cheering, and celebration that was going on for her.
"Well, how about that!" Chris cried, arriving with a beautiful silver case, filled with green stacks of paper with even greater beauty. The tall girl set the winner down in front of the host. "Samey-"
"SAMMY!" yelled everyone else. Chris recoiled.
"I mean, Sammy wins the million dollars and a spot in the Total Drama Hall of Fame!" Gwen, Duncan, Heather, Cameron, and Zoey surrounded Sammy and clapped for her as Chris handed her the suitcase.
"Way to go, Sammy!" Gwen cheered.
"Welcome to the cool kids' club!" said Duncan.
Heather said nothing.
"Yes, splendid job!" said Cameron.
"I am so happy for you!" Zoey cried.
With tears in her eyes, Sammy opened the case to get an eyeful of her hard-earned prize. She was intrigued when she saw that the cash had already been separated and packaged into four plastic bags.
"Wow, you really weren't bluffing." said Sammy. She picked up a plastic bag containing two-hundred-fifty-thousand Canadian dollars. "You sure you don't want a share, Jasmine?"
"It's not mine!" said Jasmine. "You do whatever you want with it!"
"Then take a share, ya silly sheila!" Sammy cried, throwing the bag containing a quarter-million dollars into her arms. "And be sure to share it with Shawn!"
"Oh, Sammy!" said Jasmine, trying not to cry.
"Okay then… Dave!" the cheerleader called out. With great curiosity, Dave came over to Sammy, who dropped another quarter-million into his arms. His eyes went wide.
"Good game!"
"Oh! Uh, thank you! Wow!" said Dave.
"Alright, Dave! I think you know what time it is!" said Chris, holding up the remote to the Cannon of Shame.
"Time to shoot you out of the Cannon?" Dave joked.
"Very funny, Dave. But of course, you know I mean-"
"I second that motion!" Gwen shouted.
"Yeah, but-"
"That's a fantastic idea!" said Jasmine.
"Yeah, I vote for Chris!" said Duncan, seizing the host from behind and yanking the remote out of his hand.
"All in favor of shooting Chris instead of Dave?" Heather announced.
"AYE!" said everyone present, raising their hands and grinning wickedly.
"CHEF!" Chris cried desperately. He looked over to his assistant, only to find that he had thrown his hand up with everyone else. "What?! You traitor!"
Chef used a remote control of his own to bring the Cannon down to ground level. Then, Jasmine and Duncan stuffed a squirming Chris into the butt of the huge gun, but not before the delinquent confiscated the host's pants.
"This is outrageous! You can't do this to me! I'm Chris McLean!"
"Yeah, only the second-worst human being on the planet!" said Sammy. She then pressed the button.
KABOOM!
Chris was sent flying across the horizon and far away from Pahkitew Island. The campers all cheered.
"Well, with him gone, it looks like we're going to need someone else to close out the season!" said Topher, eagerly.
"That is very true!" Ella agreed.
"Yeah, why not?" said Sammy.
"Sammy!" cried a voice identical to the winner's voice. The present campers turned to see Leonard, Sugar, Max, and Amy approaching. Sugar was fuming, Leonard and Max were neutral, and Amy had a big smile on her face. She ran up to Sammy and hugged her.
"Oh, Sammy I am so proud of you, little sister!" she cried.
"What?! I thought you'd be blowing a gasket right now!" she cried.
"I never hated you! I was just tough on you because I wanted you to become strong!"
"You've been abusing me ever since we were born!"
"It's called tough love!"
Sammy looked behind her and saw Gwen and Jasmine shake their heads at her. Sammy nodded and pushed her sister away.
"You're not getting a cent from me, anyway." said Sammy.
"But I'm your sister!"
"The worst sister ever!"
"It's not fair! Everything I did, I did for you!"
"Amy, tell ya what. You go home and write down an apology for every individual thing you've done to me since our lives began, record a video of it, and post it on YouTube. Then, maybe… just maybe… I'll consider adding a couple hundred bucks to your college fund."
"No way!" said Amy stomping off in fury. Sammy and Jasmine, completely unsurprised, rolled their eyes and smiled.
Epilogue
Everyone had gathered onto Chris's helicopter. As it rose into the air piloted by Chef, we cut to Sammy, Topher, and Dave standing side-by-side at the door, the former holding the silver suitcase.
"And that's for this very, very off season!" Topher narrated. "This is Topher Jacot saying, if you can't stand the pain, stay off the game! This has been… Total… Drama… Pahkitew Island!"
Before closing the door, Topher did a headcount.
"Are we missing someone?" he asked.
"Oh, Amy said she'd get a ride home with someone else…" said Sammy.
"Oh, I getcha!" said Topher, smiling and winking.
Amy had been left behind on the island after she had run off to sulk.
"At least things can only get better from here!" she grumped. Suddenly, it started to rain. She sighed, defeated. "What did I do to deserve this?"
Rankings
1. Sammy (Winner)
2. Dave (Runner-Up)
3. Scarlett
4. Ella
5. Jasmine
6. Shawn
7. Sky
8. Topher
9. Beardo
10. Max
11. Rodney
12. Amy
13. Sugar
14. Leonard
Author's note: Well, there we have it! Sorry for the wait! For the chapter itself, of course, I was going to bring back the rest of the cast to watch the finale. Like, duh! No idea why that didn't do that in canon. We didn't any closure for many of our favorite characters. It's almost like the writers were ashamed of this cast. Sure, it was hit-and-miss, but for me, that was nothing new. I decided to compensate by having more helpers and hinderers. I wanted all the members of TDPI to play a part in the finale. No major dirt revealed here because I thought existing grudges would be enough. I also added the past winners of Total Drama (in my book) as some special guests, here. I thought about bringing back all fifty-two contestants to watch, but Pahkitew Island didn't seem like the right time for that. Also, Chris gets his karma in the form of being shot out his elimination device. And finally, Sammy wins! A little cliche, I admit, but it seemed like the best choice! For those of you who might actually have been rooting for Dave (or at least might like to see what it would look like), I will be uploading an alternate ending separately in a little bit.
And that's how I would improve TDPI. More character interactions, less derailment, some closure at the end, less accidental victories. Thank you all for reading through this, and thank you to all those of you who've reviewed. Let's get to 300 reviews shall we? Again, sorry for the wait! I hope it was worth it!