Chapter 5: Off Limits
Sokka's face gleams as he turns it up towards the sun, closing his eyes as he welcomes the warmth to his skin. It's that perfect time of year between spring and summer, when the temperature is just right. Not too hot or muggy yet, a bit of a breeze, and everything in full bloom. The sweet scent of peonies and magnolia trees mask the typical city stench, and the crisp tang of fresh-cut grass makes his nose itch just a bit. Birds chirp, bees buzz, and Sokka thinks this day couldn't be more perfect. He chomps down on an apple with a satisfying crunch as he walks through Republic City Park. Whistling absentmindedly between bites, he smiles as he passes by couples on picnic dates and children playing with kites.
Finishing his apple and tossing the core aside, Sokka finds himself reflecting on how grateful he is. Not only for the weather, but for how good things have been lately. The past year has definitely been challenging, both personally and professionally. Between helping Toph implement the new recruitment campaign, working on the council, and trying to focus on his relationship with Suki, he has definitely kept busy. But life has been a bit calmer as of late, and the steadiness has offered a welcome reprieve from the stress that's accompanied the last year.
After his argument with Toph, things were definitely… uneasy between them for a few months. They never spoke of the argument again, and whatever was left unsaid back in the office that day, remained that way. However, he feels pretty confident that their friendship is back to normal now, and even though Sokka still gets a twinge of discomfort whenever guys flirt with her on nights out, he's made an effort to push those tendencies away. He doesn't want a repeat of their argument, of that drowning feeling, and he vows not to let himself go there again…wherever 'there' is. So, to avoid going there, he's simply developed a new mantra. Well…not really a mantra, more like a reminder. Suki. Suki. Suki. And it helps; things between him and them (both his girlfriend and his best friend) have been going well lately. The way they should be.
"Hey, Snoozles!"
Sokka stops and turns at the animated sound coming from behind him. His grin widens and his heart lifts as he sees Toph approaching, a bit more pep in her step than he's used to seeing from her. The beautiful weather and positive energy of the city must be affecting her too, and she wears a relaxed smile on her face as she approaches him.
Sokka hasn't seen her look relaxed in quite a while. As a kid, she knew how to act appropriately when something was really serious, but most problems they faced she always tackled with a degree of flippancy. She got things done, but she never really let the stress get to her. However, the mature Chief of Police that she's grown into is an entirely new character - one that won't rest until her work is done and the city is safe.
She can fool most people, hiding her stress behind playful jests and bossy commands, but Sokka can see right through her. She takes her work seriously, and despite her tough outer exterior, Sokka knows she takes any failure within the force as a personal one. Toph may claim to only be in it for her love of fighting and busting heads, but he knows that the real reason she makes such a great chief is because she genuinely cares about the health and safety of the city's citizens, and Sokka has developed an even deeper respect for his friend as a result. Even so, it pains him to see her so damn stressed all the time.
Which is why he's very happy to see her looking the way she does now - like a weight has been lifted - her youthful, carefree spirit returned to her gait. It looks good on her. She's not wearing her uniform, and instead looks casual in a fitted tank top and loose-fitting, cropped pants. That looks good on her too. The alabaster tone of her arms and décolletage are complemented by the cream color of her top, and Sokka's heart warms at the sight of her meteor-bracelet, typically hidden underneath her uniform.
He does like seeing Toph in her uniform - it's authoritative and fits her commanding personality – and it always stirs something strange in his belly. But he also likes seeing her like this. Simple. Fresh. Just enjoying a leisurely walk in the park. Off duty and free. Not to mention, the extra skin showing isn't a bad look for her either. Sokka mentally smacks his wrists, reprimanding himself. Suki. Suki. Suki.
"Hey there, Chief!"
Toph catches up to him and returns the formality with a sly smile, "Councilman."
"Fancy running into you here."
Sokka slings an arm over her shoulder as a greeting, and Toph tries to ignore the way her heart flutters in response. He's a lot more muscly than he was at fifteen, and she can't help but feel delicate in his towering presence. She'd normally hate feeling 'delicate' in any capacity, but somehow with Sokka, it's not so bad. His scent is masculine and clean, and it washes over her as he draws her closer to his side, the skin of their arms touching. Much like Sokka, she's developed her own little mantra. Off Limits. Off Limits. Off Limits. Thankfully, the position is a bit too awkward to walk with, so Sokka just loops his arms through hers instead (a much friendlier, less all-encompassing gesture) and the two continue their walk through the park.
Sokka, offhandedly, "You seem to be in a good mood. Woke up on the right side of the rock today?" He squints his face as he holds his tongue between his teeth in jest. He snickers, jumping a little as Toph pinches his side in response. "Ouch!"
Sarcastically, but good-naturedly, "Ha Ha, very funny."
"So, how's work been this week?" He beams down at her, noting how her eyes glimmer in sun, even hidden beneath her bangs.
"Not bad, actually. The good weather must be having an effect on criminals too. A few petty thefts and a couple of bar fights here and there, but other than that, it's been pretty quiet."
"That's good to hear. Though hopefully it doesn't get too quiet," he says, teasingly, "Wouldn't want the great 'Blind Bandit' getting rusty now, would we!?"
Toph wears a cunning smile, "Ha! Don't you worry about me. Less crime just means I have plenty of extra time to whip my new officers' butts into shape. It feels good to get back into teaching. I gotta hand it to you Sokka, your recruitment campaign and training recommendations have sure made a difference. Good work. Definitely has made my job easier, anyway."
Sokka's cheeks warm at the unsolicited compliment, a swell of pride in his chest. He's pleased to hear that his efforts have not only helped improved law enforcement, but have also helped Toph. With a smirk, "Don't sound so surprised, I am the idea guy, remember?"
"Yeah yeah, whatever. Don't let it get to your head. Anyway, what about you? You seem pretty chipper today. Is it just the weather, or…?"
Sokka bites his lip in hesitation, his voice unreadable, "Suki is coming today."
"Oh?" Toph dips her face away from him, trying to hide the disappointment that lands there. She keeps her voice as unreadable as his, "With the Kyoshi Warriors? Is Zuko coming too, some event I don't know about?"
Thankfully the mention of Zuko from Toph no longer aggravates him so much (or produces flashes of rouge lipstick across the firebender's chin), but the question still makes Sokka uneasy, "No, Suki's just coming for a visit. You know, to see me."
"Oh, okay." She shrugs her shoulders, but Toph can't deny that she's a little surprised by this news.
Sokka and Suki have been working on their relationship, but Suki still hasn't left her post in Zuko's guard in a long time, and she only ever makes trips to the city if they're work related. Toph has to wonder, what's changed. Her heart flutters again, a twinge of jealousy settling in her gut. She wants to be happy for her friends. She has to be glad that her friends are working things out. Good for them. Still, the ugly, selfish side of her has admittedly liked having Sokka here to herself and having Suki out of 'sight' and out of mind. She feels terrible thinking like that, Suki is her friend too, but that doesn't do much to quell her possessive nature.
"Speaking of…" Sokka starts, "I have to meet her at the docks soon. I should get going."
The pair reach the edge of the park, and Sokka unlinks his arm from hers, but gives her bicep an affectionate squeeze. He lets his hand linger for a moment before it brushes against her skin as it slides away. The touch of his rough, calloused hand to her smooth, exposed arm sends a shiver up both their spines. Somewhere in the back of their minds, mantras echo. Suki. Off Limits. Suki. Off Limits. Suki. Off Limits.
"Right," Toph clears her throat, "Well, Loverboy, wouldn't want to keep her waiting then."
Hesitantly, not quite ready to part from her just yet, "Right… Well, I'll see ya soon, Chief."
Toph nods her head curtly at the moniker, suddenly anxious to get away before he sees the blush rising to her cheeks. The silky timbre of his voice sends a rush of something to her belly. Off Limits, she reminds herself. She turns abruptly, waving a hand over her shoulder as she walks away, "Councilman."
Sokka fixes a cup of jasmine tea for Suki as she sits at his counter, catching him up on the latest news from the Fire Nation. She looks as beautiful and perfect as ever, not a hair out of place. However, Sokka can't help but notice that something about her seems a bit…off. Anxious. Her posture, while perfectly upright, is a bit stiff, and she fidgets her thumbs together in a nervous tick. That's a new habit.
Sokka narrows his eyes at the gesture, trying to decipher what it means. It's been bothering him ever since Suki got off the boat a few hours ago. Not to say that their reunion wasn't pleasant. Suki did all the right things. Kiss him, make love to him tenderly, laugh at his jokes, ask him how work is, yada yada yada. She's the perfect woman. She does and says all the right things, she always has (not counting their arguments over the years). But this time around, behind her perfectionism, there seems to be a nervous edge to her, like she's holding something back from him.
Sokka has to wonder, did he do something wrong? He's not acting any differently than he normally does. He met her at the docks with a big hug, a loving smile, and he kissed her like he meant it. Because I do mean it, he reminds himself. He can't imagine what he's done to upset her, so why does he feel like she's keeping something from him? Distantly, his mind flashes to Zuko, and he gets the horrifying idea that Suki has done something unforgivable. But he quickly douses the thought. Suki would never do that to me. Guilt courses through him as an image of Toph's sly smile - her lips plump as she bites them between her teeth - flashes in his mind. He quickly douses that thought too, burying away the uncomfortable feeling that settles in his gut. We're just friends, we haven't done anything. No reason to be guilty. Suki. Suki. Suki!
Sokka turns towards her, placing the cup of tea in front of her. She takes it, with another tight smile, and brings it to her lips. Sokka feels the air shift, and suddenly he's hyper-aware that their next moment will be an important one. The hairs on the back of his neck stand up, and he braces himself as he waits for Suki to finally say what she wants to say.
She looks at him for a long moment, her face unreadable. She places the cup down slowly, then takes a deep breath, her forehead creasing. She's about to tell him something awful, he just knows it.
Except…
"Sokka, I think I'm ready to move to Republic City."
A beat passes as her words settle.
And when the words do finally settle, they strike him like a thunderbolt, a thousand different emotions pulsing through him at once. Surprise! Elation! Confusion? Fear? Regret. It's a split second. A split second is all it takes to read the tight smile on her lips - the smile that doesn't reach her eyes. Her posture is rigid, her gaze despondent. Sokka's heart rises out of his chest, then sinks right back to the ground. A split second. That's all he needs.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but no."
Another beat passes between them, and Sokka's not sure if he actually said anything or if he just imagined it, but the confused expression on her face tells him otherwise.
"No?"
He takes a deep breath, trying to collect his thoughts, but the words come out surprisingly easy, "Suki. I can't tell you how long I've waited to hear you say those exact words."
She looks puzzled, but not angry, "But you're saying, no?"
Another deep breath, "Suki, I've imagined this a thousand times - you telling me you're ready for the next step. And each time, we're both nothing but thrilled. We kiss, we dance, we cry, we laugh. We buy a plant that we promise to take care of but end up killing anyway. And then we move in together, and finally start our lives. We move in together, and all of our problems evaporate," he pauses, his words laced in realization, "As if sharing a house plant is the key to fixing everything that's broken between us."
Suki's expression falls, her tone pleading, "Sokka."
"I've lived this moment a thousand times. I've fantasized so many times about you saying those words to me. But, now that they're said, they just don't sound right."
He waits for the explosion. The burst of anger that's sure to come from Suki any moment now. Here she is, offering the one thing he's wanted from her for years, on a silver platter. She's offering to uproot her life and make him happy. And he's saying, no. She should be furious.
But the burst doesn't come. There is no anger in her voice, just a hint of confusion, "Why?"
"Tell me, is moving to Republic City actually what you want?"
"I just want us to be happy."
"I want that too, more than anything. But, Suki, I don't think moving here would make you happy. You'd be moving here because you think it's what I want, but your heart isn't actually here, is it?"
"It's not," she admits, "but I want it to be."
"I know. And it means the world to me that you're willing to make that sacrifice," he says, his tone sincere, "But I don't want you to suffer to make me happy. Why should either one of us have to give up what we want to make the other happy?"
"But, isn't love about making sacrifices?"
Another pause in the conversation as Sokka considers this. He takes a second to look at her, to really look at her. She's trying to do the right thing, he can tell. But for the first time, where Sokka previously saw anxiety and dejection, she looks hopeful. He can't take that away from her.
"I think we've both sacrificed enough to this world, don't you? Maybe it's time we both got a chance to be selfish."
Finally, Suki releases a deep breath, her shoulders no longer rigid, "Honestly Sokka, I hate to say this, but it's such a relief to hear you say that. I've felt so guilty that I wasn't the girlfriend you deserved all these years. I thought moving in with you could make up for the years of distance between us. But no, I don't want to leave the Kyoshi Warriors. They're my life."
"First of all, don't say that about yourself," Sokka says, his tone adamant, "Suki, you are more than I ever deserved. You've given me so much love and happiness."
"So have you, Sokka. You've done so much for me and for our relationship. You saved me - so many times."
"And you saved me," Sokka smiles fondly, a flood of memories washing over him. But his expression falls as he continues, "It's just that, maybe our paths no longer align. We've tried - I know we both have - but maybe the truth is we just can't make each other happy anymore. Not in the way we both deserve."
Suki nods her head, and a resigned silence washes over them as they try to process what just happened. Both take a sip of their respective teas, and the action feels all too casual for the weight of the moment. But, it feels right.
"So," Suki says, breaking the silence, "Did we just break up?"
"Seems like it."
Suki nods again, her expression one of acceptance as she gets up from her seat, walking around the counter until she's in front of Sokka. She puts her arms through his, and Sokka returns the hug. He kisses the top of her head, then rests his chin on it as he tries to convey his gratitude for the years they shared together. They hold each other for a while, swaying back in forth in their embrace. He waits for the tears to come, but they don't.
Suki pulls away from the embrace, gently, "Thank you, Sokka."
A ghost of a smile passes over him, "For what?"
"For saying what we both needed to hear."
Sokka nods, pursing his lips together. He feels a sense of peace from making this decision, but still, there is something else on his mind.
"I have to ask," unsure how to broach the subject, he simply says, "Zuko?"
A look of compunction passes over her, "I get why you would ask that, I do. But nothing ever happened. I promise."
He crosses his arms, leaning back against the counter, "But?"
"But yes, I did have feelings for him, if that's that you're asking. We did talk about it."
He considers this revelation. He's not exactly surprised by it, but it definitely makes him uneasy, the sting of betrayal sharp in his chest. Another flash of Toph's smile, and he suppresses the feeling.
"Hey, I just want you to be happy. If that means being with Zuko, then please, don't let me stop you."
"Thanks, Sokka, that means a lot. But I don't know if there's a future for me with Zuko. Honestly, I think right now I just need be single for a while. I've been somebody's 'girlfriend' for so long - since we were just kids. I think I need to figure out who I am now, on my own. And I want you to be happy too, by the way."
Sokka nods again, with an appreciative smile, "Well, wherever we end up, I want you to know that I'm never going to regret the time I spent with you. I know what we had wasn't perfect, but it was us, and it was special. I'll never not love you, Suki."
With a bit of urgency in her voice, "Sokka, promise me one thing. Promise me we'll stay friends. You mean so much to me, and we've been through so much together. We might not be 'meant to be', but I can't live my life without you in it."
Sokka slings a friendly arm over her shoulder, "Pfft, like you could get rid of me that easily."
Suki smiles, a genuine one, "Good."
The two turn into one last embrace, the finality of the moment tightening their grip on each other. Finally, Suki pulls away.
"Goodbye, Sokka."
She kisses his cheek. She still has to get her stuff together and head home, but regardless, this feels like goodbye.
It's within an hour of them breaking up that Suki is gone. Back to the Fire Nation, or wherever she ends up, to live her life. Sokka says another goodbye to her as she gets on the boat, and they depart as friends. It's a bittersweet moment, to say the least, but deep down Sokka knows it's been coming for a while. He feels a weight lifted from his chest, the resolution bringing a sense of peace.
Still, fourteen years is a long time, and Sokka is an emotional guy.
He holds it together for the rest of the day, distracting himself with work and house chores. It isn't until later that night, when his head hits his pillow and he's lying in bed, that the reality of the day catches up to him and the tears finally crest.
A few tears turn into shallow hiccups, then into sobs, as he mourns the death of an era. Their relationship was far from perfect, but it was still important to him. It was all he really knew, and it was filled with possibilities for the future. But now it's over, and more than anything, Sokka mourns the loss of those possibilities.
In the back of his mind, even through heavy tears, Sokka realizes that where one possibility vanishes, another replaces it. His mind can't help wandering to thoughts of Toph. For the first time, we're both single. The thought only lasts a second, his face squinting as a fresh wave of tears overcomes him. Now is not the time. It will be a while before he's ready. His time with Suki may have dried out, but that doesn't ease his heartbreak, and he's not ready to dive into something new just yet. Plus, he'd feel like the worst pile of shit in the world if he turned Toph into a rebound.
Still, he craves her comfort right now, and he no longer has a mantra keeping him from her. He needs her right now - he needs his friend. He needs the lifeboat that helps him stay afloat when nothing else does.
This is why he finds himself knocking on her door in the middle of the night, tears still streaming down his cheeks. Toph opens the door, rubbing sleep from her eyes. Nothing is said between them, but she must sense something off about his gait. He doesn't need to tell her. Somehow, she just knows.
With an uncharacteristic amount of empathy in her voice, "Oh Sokka."
She grabs his arms and tugs him forward, wrapping her arms tightly around him as his own arms hang limp at his side. Their height difference and her small figure makes the position slightly cumbersome, but Sokka doesn't care. Craning his neck down, he rests his head on her shoulder, and lets himself weep. He's never cried like this in front of her - in front of anyone - and it's by far the most vulnerable he's ever felt. But just as he needed, Toph keeps him afloat, rubbing soothing circles on his back. She doesn't tease him. She doesn't call him nicknames or crack jokes. She simply lets him cry.
Off Limits, she reminds herself. But no, that doesn't work anymore…Fear rises in her gut at the realization that they're both single, and he is technically no longer off limits. In all the times she would have imagined this scenario, she'd imagine feeling relief or victory. But she feels none of this. She feels heartbroken for her friend, his weeps reverbing off her shoulder and making her heart ache. She feels afraid. Afraid of the open-ended possibilities, and what they might mean.
No, regardless of Sokka's relationship status, he's still off limits.
AN
There you go! Both Toph and Sokka are finally single! But, what does that mean for their friendship?
I also want to note: I have nothing against Suki. I think she's a lovely character, but I do think it's realistic that, while Sokka and Suki loved each other, they probably didn't grow up and have a fairytale ending. I think the person you love at 15 is most often not the person you love for life, but I imagine they would end things on good terms.