Chapter 6: Words of Encouragement

Toph sits outside on the steps of the gazebo, breathing in the summer air as she hugs her knees to her chest. While the late summer days have brought along uncomfortable, humid heat, Air Temple Island always gets a bit of a breeze, and it's a welcome relief as the nighttime air brushes against her otherwise sticky skin. She swats at a mosquito as it lands on her arm, then rests her chin atop her knees, deep in thought as evening crickets chirp around her.

Her heart feels heavy. Not necessarily a bad kind of heavy. Just…heavy. A newborn coming into the world is always an emotional occasion, and the second she held Kya for the first time, Toph knew that she would absolutely adore her pseudo-niece forever. Of course, trying to ease the tightness in her chest, she had attempted a light-hearted quip at Katara with a remark of how 'beautiful' the baby looked. But the new mother had simply responded with an affectionate, "I know," not picking up on the obvious joke. In truth, Toph hadn't really meant it as a joke anyway. While unable to actually see the baby, there is still something about a newborn, still pure of any of the world's poisons, that is inherently beautiful.

The moment had been a little too much for Toph. Too beautiful, too precious. Too delicate for Toph to embrace - afraid to pierce the peaceful, loving atmosphere with her inherent sharpness. Sometimes, that's all she feels like...like a sharp edge...unable to hold back the bitter sting of her tongue or the venom of her thoughts. Admittedly, she hasn't exactly been the most joyful person to be around lately.

But tonight is special. Life was brought into the world, and the bitterness has been sweetened. Tonight, Toph feels full, the love swelling in her chest a sharp contrast to how sour and confused she's felt lately.

She wipes at the unexpected moisture brimming at her eyes, sighing deeply into the summer night, "Pathetic."

Where there are heavy emotions, there is vulnerability, and if Toph is afraid of anything…it's of feeling exposed. And lately, she's been feeling nothing but vulnerable, her emotions controlling her more often than she's able to control them.

Toph's brash, flippant nature is often mistaken for a lack of affection or empathy, but this is far from the truth. Toph is many things. Stubborn. Uncompromising. Demanding. But she is also intuitive, steadfast, and fiercely loyal to her friends and family. And she feels things just as deeply as everyone else…She just sometimes struggles with expressing, or even allowing herself to fully engage with these emotions. Too vulnerable.

Interrupting her thoughts, Toph recognizes Zuko's steps coming from behind her. She hasn't seen him in over a year, since before Sokka and Suki broke up. Last she heard, things hadn't gone the way she might have expected.

"Hey, Toph."

Toph sits up as her friend approaches. She tries to shoo away the heavy feeling in her chest, making her tone light, "Flameo, Hotman!"

He sits down next to her, handing her a hot cup of tea. It's a bit too muggy outside for tea, but she takes it anyway, graciously taking the first sip. Her face wrinkles as the liquid hits her tongue, her lips puckering in distaste. Zuko's never quite shared his uncle's gift for the art of tea.

Sending a quizzical look in her direction, "Flameo? When did you turn into Aang?"

She shrugs, taking another sip of the bitter tea, "Eh, I was trying something new. But you're right, I like 'Sparky' and 'Firelord Hothead' better, don't you?" She snickers at him, glad to be distracted from her thoughts.

Zuko rolls his eyes, nudging her shoulder with his, but secretly finds her banter endearing. They chat for a while about mundane things as they sip their tea, catching each other up on the past year. Toph appreciates that there has never been any awkwardness between them since their almost hook-up a couple of years ago, despite Zuko's inherently awkward nature. If anything, what happened between them just cemented the brother-sister bond they have, and both are grateful for that outcome.

The conversation fizzles out into a companionable silence for several minutes as the two listen to the muggy sounds of the summer night. Distantly, Toph can hear the faint echo of a police siren in the city, all the way on the other side of the bay. She tries not to let the sound get to her, knowing that if they need her, her officers know how to find her. Tonight's a special night. No fleeing off to work, no matter how strong the urge. Still, the sound puts the chief on edge, and her badge feels heavy in the pocket of her trousers. She needs another distraction.

"So," she breaks the silence, "You and Mai, huh?"

Zuko shrugs, though Toph can hear the smile in his voice, "I know. I was surprised too."

Pointedly, "I thought you said we should start dating outside the group? What happened to that?"

"I know," another shrug, "But in the end, it was always going to be Mai. I guess, sometimes you have to grow apart from someone for a while to realize what you were missing."

Toph puckers her lips in thought. She has to ask, "And Suki?"

Zuko lets out a long sigh, and Toph can sense his heart rate pick up, nervously, "After her and Sokka broke up, Suki and I did…explore our relationship. But it was brief. She wanted to be single for a while and I-"

"So you were Suki's rebound?" Toph interrupts, her tone sharp.

His forehead creases, no longer finding her banter quite as amusing, "No. At least, I don't think so," scratching his chin, "I think we both just realized that what we thought was 'something more,' was just a close friendship. That's all." He shrugs (again), clearly not wanting to discuss his love life anymore.

Toph nods in understanding, but the words do nothing to quell the heaviness that returns to her chest, "Are you saying it's better just to stay friends?"

Zuko raises a brow at her, sensing the contemplation in her tone. Understanding quickly dawns on him as he realizes what – or who- her sharp attitude is really about, "Not necessarily. If Suki and I didn't get together, we might have lived our lives always asking 'what-if'. Honestly, if we didn't give it a shot, I probably wouldn't have gotten back together with Mai."

She can sense that he's being honest with her, and she appreciates that. She does. But, his attitude towards his fling with Suki bothers her for some reason, and the venomous, sour, confused mood that has plagued her recently now spins her mind into overdrive. If Zuko went back to Mai after getting with Suki, who's to say that Suki won't eventually want to get back together with Sokka? Or worse, what if Toph gets with Sokka, and Sokka decides he wants to go back to Suki?

The thought is irrational, but it still irks her. Narrowing her eyes, her tone harsh, "So you're saying that you needed to hook up with Suki just to get it out of your system? So you could crawl back to Mai?"

There's that sharp, venomous sting again. Toph winces at her own words, regretting them immediately. What is wrong with me?

Zuko scowls, not appreciating her crude accusation. Scornfully, "Well I wouldn't put it like that, but if that's what you want to call it."

Flinching at the hurt in his voice, guilt settles over her. She shoots what she hopes is an apologetic look in his direction, "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. It's none of my business," Zuko simply shrugs as Toph continues, "And just so you know, I am happy for you. I always thought you and Mai were good together. I'm just taking my frustration out on you, I'm sorry."

He nods, accepting her apology. "I know. I'm sorry too. I wish I had the answers you were looking for. What can I say, I'm not my uncle?"

A ghost of a smile appears at the thought, "Yeah, Iroh makes better tea too." She lifts the tea to her nose, her face scrunching in displeasure once again.

Sending a wry smile in her direction, Zuko reaches in his robe and retrieves a fairly large, glass object. Toph quickly realizes it must be a bottle or flask of some sort, the liquid sloshing inside as Zuko flicks off the cork with a satisfied pop.

He pours a shot of the liquid into his tea before grabbing Toph's cup to do the same, handing it back to her, "There, better?"

She takes another tentative whiff of the tea. "What is it?"

"Just a bit of cactus juice. Old Ba Sing Se's finest. Don't worry, it's triple distilled, so it's not a hallucinogenic. Though, I suppose that wouldn't matter to you?"

Impressed, Toph purses her lips and takes another sip of her newly-spiked tea, the sting of alcohol down her throat a welcome change from Zuko's otherwise dull brew. "Didn't know this was a drinking occasion."

"I may have had a few sips already," Zuko says, his tone sheepish, "After the last time Katara gave birth, I learned not to come to these things empty handed. Too…emotional."

Knocking back the drink, "You said it."

She holds her empty cup out towards her friend, who obliges her silent request, refilling both their cups. Several minutes and another refill later, Zuko clears his throat, "So what about you and Sokka? I thought after him and Suki broke up that you might try to make something happen?"

Toph leans back, resting her elbows on the ledge of the stairs. She huffs a piece of hair from her face, "Sokka hasn't exactly been available lately."

This - much to her chagrin - is true. After Sokka's break up with Suki, Toph told herself to keep Sokka off limits. They're just friends, and 'just friends' is a safe place to be. Still, that sentiment had done nothing to quell her bitter, unwelcome jealousy when Sokka started dating his first rebound girl. Some perky little thing who was nice, but not very bright. That fling had quickly ended, but then Sokka dated another girl, and then another, and at this point, Toph has lost track of how many women Sokka has dated in the past year.

Toph had eventually picked up on the fact that Sokka returned her romantic feelings, even before he broke up with Suki. Or, at the very least, he must have been attracted to her. His frequent touches and racing heart rate around her gave him away. She thought Sokka might try and make a move after he broke up with Suki, but he never did, and Toph was starting to second guess if Sokka ever liked her that way in the first place. After all, it was hard to focus on reading Sokka's heart rate when her own would be fluttering so uncontrollably around him. Maybe she had just projected her own desires onto Sokka, convincing herself of what she wanted to believe.

But Sokka went from a monogamous, relationship-loving man to a certified, hedonistic bachelor. He's clearly trying to move on - just not with her. Whatever. Even if Sokka had made a move, Toph was determined to keep their relationship strictly platonic. It's for the best. Besides, she tries to remind herself, it's none of my business. Sokka is a grown man, and like most men, he's not immune to thinking and acting with his dick. He can do whatever he wants.

Zuko interrupts her thoughts, "But, he's not dating anyone seriously right now, is he? Surely if you told him how you feel he'd-"

"He'd nothing." Toph interrupts her friend, her tone uncompromising, "Sokka and I are just friends. That's the way it should be, and that's the way it's going to stay."

He rolls his eyes, sighing, "Whatever you say."

This time, the silence between them is a little more tense, and Toph if once again happy for another distraction as she feels their other friend approaching.

"Hey, there you guys are!"

Toph let's thoughts of Kya mend over thoughts of Sokka for a second. No need to dwell right now. Tonight is a special night. "Twinkletoes, how's the new bundle of joy doing?"

Aang laughs, the joys of fatherhood somehow making his steps even lighter than usual, "She's perfect - though Bumi might disagree. Katara is resting with both of them now. What are you guys up to?"

Zuko, without thinking, "Discussing Toph's love life."

Toph lands a hard punch on his arm, her face blushing, "Zuko!"

He rubs the sore spot, flinching. Only Toph could get away with assaulting royalty. "What?"

"Oh, this is interesting!" Ignoring their squabble, Aang's good-natured air remains as he takes a seat on the steps, Toph sandwiched between the two men.

Toph, with a sharp tongue, "No, it's not."

Curiosity (and a bit of cactus juice) getting the better of him, Zuko asks, "Toph, when was the last time you went out with someone?"

Blush deepening at the question and her tone exasperated, "I don't know. What's it matter!?"

Zuko continues, his brow narrowing with investigation, "Toph, have you been with someone since…?" His voice trails off.

"Since when?" Aang asks, cheery and oblivious as ever.

"Zuko." Toph warns. At the same time, Zuko answers.

"Since me."

"Zuko!" She punches his arm again, harder this time, her face fully flushed at this point, "Sweet mother of Agni, you really don't handle your liquor well, do you?"

"Wait, you guys?" Aang pauses, his voice disbelieving, pulling a face of disgust, "You guys were with each other? Like, with with each other? How!? Wait no, don't answer that. When? And Zuko, aren't you with Mai? Ugh."

"Calm down, Twinkletoes. It was just a few kisses - and it was years ago. And for the record, Zuko," she turns in his direction, pointing a finger at him (though it's slightly off center), "Of course I've been with other people since you, thank you very much. I just haven't, you know…been with people."

Toph's eyes widen at her own confession, unsure why she just admitted that. Damn, this cactus juice is strong. There is a potent, awkward moment of silence that hovers over the trio as Toph's words settle over them. Crickets continue to chirp in the background, blissfully unaware. Aang pulls at his collar, still disturbed by what he's learned about two of his closest friends. Zuko purses his lips in both discomfort and consideration. He moves to take another sip of his cactus juice, but puts it down, thinking Toph might be right about his alcohol tolerance (or lack thereof).

"Toph," Aang treads carefully, pushing aside his own discomfort, "I know it's not really our business, okay? But we are your friends. Out of curiosity, when was the last time you were…with someone?"

Toph lets a resigned sigh cross her lips before she mumbles something under her breath, but neither Zuko or Aang can make out what's she's saying.

Aang squints, trying to understand, "Sorry, what's that, Toph?"

She mumbles again.

Zuko leans forward, trying to hear, "Speak up, Toph."

Explosively, "I haven't had sex with someone since Satoru, okay!"

Both Zuko and Aang flinch at the outburst, then share a surprised glance between them. Her outburst hangs in the air, and Zuko's sure that not even the crickets are chirping anymore.

Aang, not doing a very good job at hiding his surprise, "Two years, Toph?"

"Actually, more like two years and 5 months, but who's counting." Toph remarks, bitterly.

"Wow." is all Zuko can respond with, wishing the conversation would end. He blames himself for bringing it up.

The flush on Toph's face doesn't go away. Defensively, "What!? It's not like there haven't been offers! But, I haven't been in a relationship since then and most guys in this city are dicks, okay? What do you want from me?"

Another look passes between Aang and Zuko, and this time, Toph can sense their silent communication, much to her irritation.

Thoroughly embarrassed and only getting angrier, "What!?"

Zuko shrugs, making an effort to seem casual, "Nothing, it's just…"

Aang continues, "You always seemed…"

Her expression glaring and her hands on her hips, Toph dares, "I always seemed what?"

Aang and Zuko share another pleading look, but it's Zuko who finishes, his voice hesitant, "Well, it's just that you always seemed rather, confident in your..." he cringes, finishing lamely, "...sexuality."

He recalls the way Toph had used her bold looks and somewhat sensual charm to woo those Fire Nation dignitaries at that party a couple of years ago. She's not exactly the definition of modesty. Plus, if he remembers correctly, she wasn't exactly hesitant when it came down to... business. If she wanted some action, she should certainly have no problem in finding some. So it does come as a surprise to learn that she hasn't had any in awhile. What's stopping her?

Letting her embarrassment offend her more than it normally would, "Are you trying to say that you thought I was a slut? Is that it?"

"What!? No!" Aang insists, putting his hands up in surrender, "Toph, we would never think that about you. About any woman, for that matter."

Her anger deflates, realizing that of course neither Aang or Zuko would ever try to insult her that way. Still, she remains defensive. The conversation is highly uncomfortable, that icky feeling of vulnerability settling in her chest, "Listen, it's not that I don't want a relationship. But I'm pretty busy, you know, trying to protect your precious city. You try dating and being Chief of Police in one of the world's most crime-ridden cities. I don't exactly have time for a new relationship right now."

She huffs another hair from her face as she crosses her arms, indignantly. It's a weak excuse, considering who she's talking to. It's not like the Avatar and the Fire Lord don't have busy lives, and they've somehow managed. Regardless, Aang and Zuko know better than to try and force the real reason from her. Though Zuko does have some ideas. For as much as she tries to insist that she and Sokka are only friends, Zuko gets the sense that Toph still wants to hold out hope that there could be something more. She wants to keep that chance alive. She doesn't have time for another relationship, unless it's with Sokka.

Hoping she understands what he means, Zuko lands a gentle hand on her shoulder, "Toph, remember what we said about moving on?"

Unaware of the double-meaning behind Zuko's advice, Aang adds, "Yeah, and besides, who said anything about a relationship?"

Even Zuko sends the monk a quizzical look at that one, unsure what he's suggesting.

Aang continues his encouragement, his voice light, "Toph, I know you're busy, but you're still young. You go out after work with your officers and with us. Why not go out and have fun with some new people? Go on dates, have sex, make time to live a little! You can still be with people even if you're not in a relationship."

Zuko's eyes bulge as he turns his head the other way, trying to hide his flushed face. Toph doesn't move, too stunned by what she's hearing from her friend, the words sounding foreign coming from the moral airbending monk who she thought she knew. Maybe she should brush up on her history.

Aang reads the shocked body language of his friends, "What? Why are you so surprised? Air Nomads believe in embracing freedom and enlightenment in all areas of life, including sexuality. If it's consensual, then I don't see what the problem is."

Toph had never thought that it was possible to feel this awkward. Not that the topic of sex is inherently awkward. In fact, the language and conversations at happy hours with her officers can get pretty vulgar, and she never shies away from those discussions. But...that's with a bunch of rowdy cops, and the topic of sex is awkward when it's about her and it's Twinkletoes bringing it up and Firelord Hothead is cringing next to her. Not a conversation she imagined having tonight, that much is for sure.

While Toph and Zuko fidget in discomfort, Aang remains unbothered, "Look, Toph, I don't want you to think that we're judging you. There is obviously nothing wrong with abstinence. If it makes you happy, then great! But I don't think you are happy. I've noticed that you've been feeling down lately, and I don't know why, but I think maybe some of it is that you've lost a part of yourself.

"The Toph that I know isn't afraid to put herself out there. I know you've had a lot of pressure on you as the chief, but you're doing a great job, and you deserve to make time for yourself. It's not so much about sex, but more about letting yourself have fun for a change. It's about letting yourself be a little reckless again. I think reacquainting with that part of yourself might help you feel better. The right person will come into your life eventually, but no harm in having some fun before they do."

He finishes his speech, and Toph takes a second to unpack his words of encouragement. Zuko stays silent, clearly trying to distract himself from the discussion by fiddling with a blade of grass sticking up between a crack in the steps.

Before she can respond, she senses yet another presence approaching. Her heart flutters, Sokka's voice cutting into the silence, "Hey guys!" He sits next to Aang, slinging a friendly arm around his brother-in-law's shoulders. He seems blissfully unaware of the strange moment he just walked into, "Hey Aang, I was wondering, do you mind if Lina comes over to see the baby tomorrow? She loves babies!"

Toph's previous embarrassment immediately simmers to irritation. Ugh, Lina.

Confused, Aang asks, "Who's Lina?"

"Lina's my girlfriend, remember?"

"Oh, I thought you were dating a girl named Jisu?"

Toph crosses her arms, unable to hide the bite in her voice, "That was his last conquest." She can feel Sokka's heart rate accelerating, and she can tell she's embarrassed him. Good.

"Oh," Aang shrugs, "Yeah, I guess she can come over."

"Yes!" Sokka rubs his hands together, excitedly, "You guys are going to love her. She's so smart and funny and pretty and-"

"You know what, Aang," Toph interrupts, voice determined as her irritation prompts her, "I think you're right. Thanks for the advice."

Aang smiles at his friend, happy to divert his attention away from Sokka's ramblings. "Good."

Sokka's brows narrow, "Right about what? What advice?"

"Nothing important, Sokka." Zuko finally composes himself, tone making it clear that it was end of discussion. Toph sends an appreciative glance in his direction, and she feels his hand squeeze around hers in response, a silent gesture of encouragement and understanding.

Aang and Zuko are right. She has lost a part of herself, and she does need to move on. Sokka is clearly never going to be interested in her like that, and dammit they're just friends and that's all they'll ever be. She can't have it both ways. She can't keep pining after Sokka, while also vowing never to let herself go there with him. The two concepts are at odds with each other, and she's fallen out of balance. No wonder she's been so confused and at war with herself lately.

No, she needs to let those thoughts go. She needs to do something for herself for once. Aang is right. It's time to embrace her freedom. Live a little. Get Sokka out of her mind.

It's time to have some fun.

Sokka catches the gesture between Zuko and Toph, and he sighs inwardly. Dating all these girls has been the distraction he hoped it'd be in some ways. But damn, it's harder to get over Toph than he thought it would be.

AN

I'm noticing a pattern in my own writing of using tea and alcohol to prompt conversations. What can I say? I'm Irish lol. Which also reminds me...I briefly mentioned coffee a few times in the story so far. I'm not sure if coffee exists in the Avatar universe, but I just feel like coffee conveys a different emotion than tea - so I'm saying that it does for the sake of storytelling. Plus, I love coffee, and they say to write about what you love haha. But I digress.