Is anyone reading this on here? I have no idea. Leave me a comment, would love to know what you think 3

OLIVIA

„You know what? I've only seen him this nervous once. And that was right before the UN speech." Jin was grinning from ear to ear while he made his observation. He had his arms crossed in front of his body and looked like he was having the time of his life. While I had ordered drinks at the bar he had just leaned against it next to me. I looked over at Namjoon on the other side of the restaurant. His smile a little forced. His hair a mess because he had been running his hands through it so much. And constantly moving around on his chair. Next to him my mum, dad and his brother.

„If he would just relax… they are okay… It's not like they are going to give him a talking to or anything." I said with a sigh and Jin chuckled. „Yeah, you laugh. Let's watch how you are going to react the next time Sue accidentally touches your arm. Almost popped a boner there earlier, hm?" Jin's mouth opened and he looked at me in surprise. „Wow, what the hell Ollie... Language. What has gotten into you?" He was laughing now and I just shook my head. „Okay, okay, sorry. Maybe I am a little nervous as well." Jin was still shaking his head but then helped me to carry the drinks over to the table my family was sitting at.

This dinner wasn't really about meeting the family. It was just band and team getting dinner after a concert. Which usually happened pretty late and definitely not every night, but since we were staying in Los Angeles for a while we had the time. Whenever someone had family or friends coming to the concerts they usually joined. It worked out perfectly - or at least I had thought so - because it meant that Joon could meet my family in an atmosphere with less pressure while they could also meet all my new friends and colleagues. I was really excited about it, they would finally see who I was spending most of my time with in Seoul. But of course, they were mainly talking to Namjoon who had been so nervous when they had arrived, he had slightly bowed when he shook my dad's hand. Twice. I would have loved to put a hand on his shoulder to make him chill a little but there were way too many people around. The other's introduced themselves as well and it looked like no-one was too curious why Namjoon was sitting at our table, because so were Georgia and Yoongi.

„Jimin…is. so. beautiful. in real life. Like… even more than I thought." my brother muttered absentminded after Jimin had swung by our table to say hi and I almost spat out my drink. But then just nodded. He was right after all. I watched Namjoon talk to my mother about the show and I noticed how his English was so different all of a sudden. I thought what he was trying to do was to show respect by speaking rather formal, but what happened was mainly that he was over pronouncing his T's and it sounded almost like when was trying an English accent. Poor boy.

„And… what do you think about himmm…" I whispered, after having leaned my head against my brother's shoulder. It was quite obvious who I meant by ‚him'. „He seems… nice?" „Wow, that is observant…" „Well, it's a little hard to judge when he looks like he is about to pass out from being nervous." I couldn't help, I had to laugh. „I knooowww…" „Should I maybe ask him what his intentions are with you? Or whether he plans to provide for you once you are pregnant?" Immediately I put my hand in front of his mouth, even though he had been quiet enough for only me to hear. „Oh no… Please… just don't. I don't want him to actually faint. Also. Jackson, I really like him so you have to be nice to him." He just smiled and put an arm around my shoulder. „It's nice to see that you are happy. Can't say that I wouldn't like you to be happy a little closer than on the other side of the world but… I'd rather have you date the pop star than the English snob."

Dinner was good. Namjoon eventually did relax a little. Which made me relax and we stayed until long after most of the other's had already left. At some point I sat down next to Joon. „You are doing so well." I whispered. „I am?" He asked and the question seemed genuine. Smiling I moved my hand to the nape of his neck, my thumb gently stroking over a muscle that had been hurting him for the last couple of days. I heard him sigh. „Yes." I could have made a joke here, but it was true. So he just smiled at me and then almost pushed over an open water bottle when he noticed that my mother was reaching for it.

My mother and I shed some tears when we said our goodbyes, after all, we had no idea when we would see each other next. I promised them to come to visit to make up for Christmas once I could. „Join her, okay?" she said in Namjoon's direction and he nodded hard. In the cab, on the way back to the hotel Joon looked like he was about to pass out again. „That was nervewracking." „Well you did that to yourself." „I know, I know" „The real challenge will be meeting up with Lauren when we are in New York..." Joon looked over at me in horror. „Just kidding. She is looking forward to it." „Thank god. For a second I got scared she will rip me apart."

When we finally got back to the hotel there were voices from Hobi's room. His door on the other side of the corridor was opened slightly and I could hear Jimin laugh, there was music. Maybe they had just moved the party from the restaurant here. We stopped, almost as if unsure whether we wanted to join. Looking up at Namjoon he was already smiling. „We…could just go to bed…" I said and the next second Namjoon had already taken my hand in his and started walking.

I couldn't wait to get out of my dress and into something more comfortable, but Joon had different plans. As soon as I had taken my dress off I heard him gasp behind me and turned around a little surprised, but he was really just looking at me, which was more than flattering. With a grin in the corner of my mouth, I turned back around again, took off my earrings, not realizing how quickly he had taken a few steps towards me until he was right behind me, his arms sneaking around my hip and placing his hands on my stomach, his chin on my shoulder. „You look happy." I just said, putting down my earrings on a side table. „I am. Relieved. But mainly happy." He said before his lips targeted my shoulder without hesitation, placing small kisses on his way up my neck. I couldn't help it, I got goosebumps and soon turned around.

I could basically see his expression change, the smile fading to be replaced by a hungry stare. All that pent up nervous energy had to leave his body somehow and apparently, Joon's coping mechanism was lust. As soon as my fingers started nestling on the buttons of his dress shirt, he just grabbed my hips and pushed me towards the bed, which made me laugh a little. He seemed to be in a hurry. I wanted to say something but couldn't because moments later he was above me, kissing me hard, his hands going up and down my body. But I could feel it without words.

Not just lust. That there was a reason he wanted to be as close as possible. That this had been important to him and that he was actually happy with himself. The way Namjoon was in bed had always corresponded with his self-confidence. Even though he could switch to meet my needs, naturally, confident Joon was dominant. Nothing too crazy, he just… liked to guide, liked to take close off. Like to be in control. Full of passion and not shy at all. When he wasn't that sure of himself he wasn't necessarily sub but enjoyed it more when I took over the reins. Cuddled. Enjoyed sex that was sometimes so slow it was almost painful before it ended up in an explosion.

Maybe that was somewhat normal, a lot of people probably were like that. Joon just couldn't hide it well and it was quite obvious. I didn't mind. I wanted him closer. And the fact that he didn't almost break another one of my bras because his fingers were just too impatient to open the not actually that complicated hooks… only made him more impatient.

„I want you so badly." He whispered against my lower lip, his teeth digging into it the next moment, which made me involuntarily whimper. „Have me. You can have me." I murmured and saw his eyes getting ever darker, while one of his hands quickly moved down my stomach and inside my panties. Another whimper, my legs trying to wrap around his body, my hands in his hair. The fact that I was incredibly wet already seemed to please him, there was a hint of a smile in the corner of his mouth and I used the time he took to pull my panties down my thighs to catch a quick breath. But the moment wasn't nearly long enough because he was already lining himself up, pushing inside of me, panting into my ear. And with a loud moan, I sank back into the pillows, my body had lost all tension and I melted into his embrace.

When I woke up the next morning it was from the alarm, something that rarely happened to me. I was a light sleeper and usually woke up before from the smallest noises, but as my aching body reminded me… it had been quite a night. Next to me, Namjoon was only making groaning noises while I turned the alarm off. Slowly I moved next to him, pushing my naked body against his. „Morning." I murmured into his ear, my lips gently touching his cheek. More groaning. Instead of waking him up I got up and headed to the bathroom. I had to take a shower, so why not let him sleep for a couple more minutes. As soon as the water hit my skin I was smirking, remembering last night. Three rounds. The first one passionate and desperate. The second one slow and gentle. The third - much later -quite the surprise to both of us and simply... loud.

20 minutes later, when I got back out of the bathroom, Namjoon was already awake. Not only that, he was sitting on the side of the bed. I wanted to comment on it but then I saw that he was holding his shoulder in one hand, his eyes closed and slowly moving his upper body, testing. I stopped for a second and then sat down next to him. „It's bad again, isn't it?" Namjoon just nodded. I was biting my lower lip, sighing. „Shit, maybe we overdid it last night." Namjoon was chuckling now. „Worth it. So so worth it." I couldn't help smiling as well, moving my hand to his shoulder, which made him drop his own. He sighed more when I started massaging. „What are we going to do about that?" I asked and Namjoon sighed one last time, smiling at me and then got up. „I will ask our masseuse and the doctor. For now… hot shower. Want to join me?" Tempting. But I shook my head with a smile. No. Enough of that for now. Also, we were once more pretty late.

At breakfast I couldn't help but pile up food on my plate, Namjoon did the same, as if we were both starving, giggling secretly while sitting down at a table with Hobi and Jimin. „Morning" I said quite cheery and while Jiminie replied with a smile, Hobi seemed to be half asleep in his seat. After a few minutes and half a cup of coffee, I finally got his attention and he opened his eyes. „You okay?" „Tired." „Oh…" „Yeah…oh…" Jimin was giggling but looked down as soon as I looked over, blushing, covering his face with his hand. While Namjoon didn't even seem to notice because he was too busy eating, I sat there looking back and forth between the two. „Why…are you so tired?" Hobi almost looked a little annoyed by the question, which was more than unusual. But once he was annoyed he almost looked scary, like you really didn't want to cross his path, which was… a little too late apparently. „Because Tae and Jimin both came over to sleep in my bed and it was… no room. I need room. They took my blanket! Thank you!" I slowly put down my fork, Namjoon looked up as well now. Huh? Jimin was giggling again. „I don't understand…" I murmured and Hobi rolled his eyes. „Their rooms are next to yours." … I looked over at Jimin, who just commented with a little smiley „Scary noises." Oh good God.

I saw Namjoon place his elbow on the table in front of us, only to bury his face in the palm of his head and blood rushed to my face. Nooo… For a second everything was quiet, then Hobi got up to get another cup of coffee, only for Georgia to take his place. „Good morning… how did you guys sleep?" She asked, unusually awake for her at this hour of day. Nobody responded, Jimin laughed until he couldn't breathe and eventually I started laughing as well but looking down, pretty embarrassed. „Okay, weird response." She murmured shrugging and starting shoving watermelon pieces into her mouth.

I did get over it eventually, but Namjoon seemed to be pretty quiet. When we got to the cars we met the others who had already been done with their breakfast and when Tae saw us he just looked down and tried to hide a grin, at the same time his eyes couldn't meet mine. „Shit. We traumatized the children." Joon murmured in my direction. It made me laugh but at the same time, I felt weird as well. I couldn't understand the comments made in the car, but eventually, Namjoon turned around and answered by yelling a „It's not like I didn't have to listen to you guys bringing back people to our place for years, okay? Stop laughing Jimin, I basically didn't sleep half of 2016 because of you…" at them. Finally, he looked over at Hobi and then just shrugged. „Sorry. Won't happen again." That promise took me so by surprise that a little „What?" escaped my lips before I could help it, which had everyone laughing. Including Joon. And thankfully also Hobi.

After the last LA concert, Namjoon's shoulder had gotten much worse. I couldn't help but be worried. The doctors said it was just a pulled muscle but of course, that wasn't just extremely painful, it also needed rest to heal properly, a luxury Joon couldn't afford right now. Heat packs and painkillers and massages helped, but by the time they had finished their first New York concert a couple of days later, he was in constant pain.

„You should just go rest, okay?" I murmured, gently rubbing his neck. Not that that helped, but what else was I supposed to do. „But I want to see Lauren." He replied and I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was in pain. It was touching really that he wanted to see my friend while he had the chance, so I just sighed. „I'm going to ask her to meet us at the hotel, okay? Then you can have a drink or something and still go to bed early." He nodded, not really happy, we had planned a whole night out - which had never been a really good idea - but he knew he couldn't join at the moment.

So I had my big reunion with my best friend in a hotel lobby. It was the first time I had seen her by herself ever since the baby had been born and after I had shed a few tears because I was so happy to see her - which she had used to make fun of me of course - we sat at the empty bar of the hotel restaurant. There were some other guests at the hotel, but this place had been closed off, Big Hit had learned from past tours and this way everyone could hang out at least in one place without sneaky pictures being taken.

Namjoon seemed a little shy, unsure of how to greet her. And even though Lauren loved to mess with people, she noticed and gave him a big hug as well instead of mocking him. After that, we had drinks, talked about the concert and the baby… It was quite obvious Namjoon was in pain, so eventually, I convinced him to go to bed. „Is it serious?" Lauren asked once he had disappeared and I shrugged. „I don't think so, but it is getting worse…" The simple truth was that this wasn't the first or last time one of them had to go through something like this, but it was slowly breaking my heart to see him like this. Luckily this stint of the tour would be over soon and we would head back to Seoul. But that didn't mean there were no rehearsals and a bunch of promo waiting for him.

Since the others hadn't rushed to the hotel as we had, they trickled in one after another. When Jin came into the restaurant the greeting was like a scene out of a movie. Him yelling his trademark „Ya!" in Lauren's direction and then both of them running up to each other to hug. It was almost cute. I had never quite understood how those two had gotten along so well because they were so different, but character traits probably hadn't been the main attraction.

SUE

I hated the backpack. It was clunky and heavy, but also the only way I could carry all that equipment around with me all day. The truth was that the other cameraman had offered to carry some of my stuff as well, but that just felt wrong. So by the end of the night - every night really-, my shoulders felt like they were made of steel. I got some drinks at a vending machine in the hotel lobby to take upstairs and was about to lift the stupid pack back onto my shoulders when I noticed Ollie's red hair through the only partially closed blinds of the hotel restaurant. She was sitting there with a few people and when I noticed Jin it made me smile. He looked happy, was talking to the others while gesturing as if he was telling a very dramatic story. My heart jumped a little and with every passing second my need to just get to my room to go to bed dwindled more and more. I still sometimes felt like I was interrupting, but the decision to join them was getting easier every day. So I went inside, placed my backpack on a table near the entrance and pushed my hands through my hair in the hopes it wasn't too dishevelled. On my way over I noticed a face I didn't know, sitting next to Ollie, then remembered that her best friend was in town. As per usual nobody even noticed me when I quietly walked up to the table and I was about to raise my hand as a greeting when I heard the woman say something. „Our timing is really bad. Now that I am taken your English has improved to the point where I understand your dumb jokes." Jin, his back to me, started laughing. „You still enjoyed them." She rolled her eyes, then nodded. „Maybe. Maybe I just liked the fact that you are crazy in bed." Laughter, some genuine, some a little uncomfortable. I stood there, apparently having stopped and considered running away. But then Olivia looked up and smiled at me. „Hey. Sue. There you are. I was about to text you. You haven't met Lauren yet!" Ollie looked so happy and Lauren actually smiled at me, but I really didn't want to be here anymore. It wasn't like I hadn't known about Jin's past and of course I didn't judge. At all. But knowing that he had slept with Lauren made me feel weird. And a little sad. Jealous. Which was crazy because it had been years before we met and even if it was going on now… who was I to blame them. She was beautiful… just like him. It wasn't the first time that someone had hinted at Jin being a machine in bed either. That also scared me a little. I hated myself for it, but it only made me think of myself as even plainer and probably boring.

He had turned around now and was looking at me almost in shock, but I tried to avoid his eyes, said my hello to Lauren and then pretended to be here to ask Ollie something about tomorrow. „Join us?" She asked after I had hinted at wanting to go to bed and after a while, I nodded, sat down. Hating myself for not being able to say no. So I drank a glass of white wine while they kept talking, but at least they had changed the topic now. Jin was quiet, but I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't really notice.

Eventually, I made up a reason to leave, their laughter still echoing in my ear when I got to the elevator. Only when I got to my room and had already changed I realized I had forgotten my backpack with all that expensive equipment in the restaurant and rushed downstairs again. This time Jin noticed me right away when I came running inside, but I pretended I hadn't seen him and headed back out. He followed me and eventually I closed my eyes for a second, sighed and stopped, then turned around.

„Hey. Everything okay?" I hated how dreamy he looked running up to me. One hand adjusting his jeans which had moved a bit down his hips while running. His hair post-shower unstyled and unruly. His lips even redder from the wine. His smile nervous. „Yes. Yeah. All good. I just forgot my backpack. But I was about to go to bed." I saw his eyes going down my body, only now realizing that I… was wearing only shorts and a washed-out tee. Fuck.

„Okay… I just wanted to see how you were and ask… if maybe… you know… maybe I could ask again if we go could go out for dinner? This time…really ask." I felt like my throat was closing. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest. But after what I had heard earlier it didn't feel good. Yes, there was a part of me that wanted to scream „Yes! Obviously!" but I just had freaked myself out too much, but tried to smile, which didn't quite work. „I think it is a little late for dinner, don't you think? And I am really tired… so sorry. I see you tomorrow?" I had already made a step backwards and Jin, his hands in his back pockets, really had no other choice but to nod. „Sleep well." I tried to sound cheery, not even sure why... maybe to make this less of a big deal. I caught one last glimpse of him as the elevator doors closed in front of me. He was walking back to the restaurant, shoulders drooping. He looked sad. Could someone look sad from behind? I definitely felt sad.