A/N: Welcome dear readers. This story is meant to be a companion piece to New Moon in Retrograde. This piece starts where Chapter 4 ends. You can read this alone if you choose, but it would be more fulfilling if you new the backstory that went along with it. Any further chapters will also be written as outtakes, continuations of NMiR so I can keep that story at a lower rating.

Once my meal was done, Edward tossed the plate in the sink, leaving it to be dealt with later and tugged my hand gently, his sign to follow him. We made our way up to his room, where he had the large glass doors open letting the last of the afternoon warmth seep in. The setting sun was just barely peeking through the massive growth of trees, and I stared, mesmerized once more, at Edward's skin, glinting brightly where the rays touched.

He knew how much I loved his skin, hard and shining like diamonds in the sun. As soon as we hit the door, he worked the buttons of his shirt open and let the fabric hang around him. I admired the chiseled, defined V that peeked ever-so-slightly above the confines of his well-fit jeans.

Edward gave a deep, throaty chuckle. "See something you like?"

I quickly turned, staring out the window instead of at him, but he grabbed my hand in one hand, chin in the other, and slowly turned my gaze back to him. "It's ok to look. You are eighteen now. A legal adult."

I put on a brave face, trying to sound sexy, though I'm sure it was anything but. "And if I want to do more than look?"

There was fire dancing behind the caramel eyes, a new heat I hadn't seen before. "I may be a vampire, but am still a man. Of course I want that too… in time."

I resolved just then to see how far we could go, and how long it would take to wear him down. Tonight I'd keep things just this side of proper.

I slowly took the hand that wasn't clasped in his and let it drift across his chest, the sun creating a perfect path for me to follow. Edward sharply inhaled, then became incredibly still, letting my fingers dance their silent waltz across his stone smooth skin.

Again I thanked whatever power there was that kept my thoughts from him as I planned my next move. I played it over and over in my mind, wanting it to be perfect. Before I could overthink it, I decided to just go for it.

I took a second and braved a look at his face. His eyes were closed, deep in concentration. I knew it was now or never. I leaned in and pressed my lips to the alabaster skin, following the same path my fingers had traced.

I only had a few seconds to savor the feeling of his cold, hard skin beneath my lips before he gently reached out and pressed a finger to my mouth. "Enough of that" he said quietly, strain evident in his voice.

Edward's POV

Remember as a child when you were playing games like "hide-and-seek" and were taught to count slowly, "one hundred one, one hundred two, one hundred three" and although you had said nine words, you were told it was just three seconds? Now, multiply that by ten. I could imagine multiple scenarios, think seven, eight, nine thoughts all in the span of "one hundred one". It's quite unfair that we move as quickly as we do, think as fast as we do, when we have all the time in the world to spare.

Before Bella had even pressed her finger to my chest, I had imagined five different outcomes, had thought up numerous ways to take her right then and there, and she was still lifting her index finger slowly, concentrating on that one movement.

How easy it would be to grab her hand mid-motion and pin her arms above her head, hold her tightly with one hand, while my other drifts across her body, rips open her shirt and palms her breasts, the milky white mounds that have never been touched by a man - mine to feast on. I'd have to have a taste, teeth carefully covered, just my tongue flicking out, circling the taut rosy bud, filled with the sweetest blood I'd ever smelled. If here she blushed even a fraction of what she did elsewhere I would be a goner for sure.

As she made contact with my chest, I thought instantly of what it would feel like to have her hands drift south. I'd probably go mad with the feather-light teasing. While I had to control myself to not break her, there was no reason for Bella's touches to be so guarded. She could scrape her fingernails across me, tug my hair as hard as she could muster, hold me in the tightest vice grip, and it would still feel like a soft caress. Her single finger, slowly, gently, sliding from my clavicle across my pectoral muscles to my shoulder, then down my side to then drift across my abdomen felt like no more than a faint summer breeze, barely tickling my skin. Nevertheless, I felt like fire everywhere her fingers wandered. Like the sun itself was touching me, caressing me, burning me. I relished the burn.

I imagined what it would feel like to have her tiny, warm hand wrapped around me. No one had touched me there. Dull as my memories were, I knew that even as a human I had not been interested in sex, took no notice of the girls all vying for the attention of a young man to appease their fathers. I had my eyes set on the war. Even if I hadn't, thinking of sex before marriage was just simply not done. So no, I'd never known the love of a woman, until Bella. Oh, sure, now that I was one of the eternally damned there were female vampires who would be so willing. I thought of Tanya and her conquest of men, both alive and undead. She had made it clear that she would have loved nothing more than to teach me the finer points of sex, but even before Bella, Tanya held no interest to me.

Up until I met Bella, I hadn't even thought of touching myself. I had no need. No sexual urges to release, no fantasies to explore. I had heard way too much over the years, practically knew what it felt like, from multiple perspectives, and yet, I formerly had no desire to feel those things for myself. Perhaps it was because of my clairaudience that I was able to compartmentalize that part of me. I didn't have these needs because I, in a way, had lived through them hundreds of thousands of times over. At least, that's what I had thought… until Bella.

Now, well, now I understood why all around me sex was on everyone's mind. I was still holding on to the idea that sex should be between married couples. I know from my many years of reading, listening, learning, that there were other, just as valid, relationships. But there had to be just one thing I could do right in this unending life. I would stick to this; I could see this through.

Luckily, science had never failed me, and although as a human I had been told to repress my needs, I knew now that it was healthy to act on the urges - alone. She'd never know, but most nights after Bella was deeply asleep, I rushed home, needing release. And who could blame me? Here I was, lying next to the epitome of beauty. My warm, sweet smelling love curled up against me. I knew every time she was excited - her heartbeat sped up, her skin flushed a faint pink beneath her pale skin, and her scent - my god, the scent of her arousal alone… better men than me would be consumed by lust with her around them.

So now, as she flitted her fingers across the stoney expanse of my chest, I was trying to suppress the oncoming erection I could feel building. I didn't want to have to explain to Bella why I was turning her down. If she knew how my body reacted to her, I knew she would use it against me and my resolve would crumble. I didn't want to bring up marriage yet. I was honest when I gave her the promise ring - it was too soon, we still had months of school left, and it was my hope she would find a college or two that interested her. We were also only together for six months. It felt like a lifetime, but also no time at all. I could remember clearly the first morning I picked her up and we quantified what we were, it felt like it was just yesterday. I didn't want to rush her, or even have her feel like she needed to rush anything. We had all the time in the world.

I came back to the present as I felt her heated lips touch my collar bone. This set off a whole new fantasy I hadn't yet imagined for us. Her plump red lips, open wide and taking me into her velvety soft, wet mouth. I'd heard about this in a variety of ways. Some sweet, exclamations of love poured from the mouths of young men as their girlfriends thought of how lucky they were to be the ones bringing their men pleasure. Some not so pleasant, older men being rough, forcing themselves into the tight space of unwilling participants. I knew I'd never force her, wouldn't even ask her to do it. She'd have to come to me, practically beg me to give her the honor. Only then, with reverence in my eyes and telling her just how much I love her, cherish her, desire her, would I be willing to even entertain the idea of her taking my cold erection into the luscious cavern that was her mouth.

Although I would never force her, the feel of her mouth trailing along my cool skin did nothing to hamper my thoughts, and I failed to push the image from my mind. Bella, on her knees, chestnut hair blowing in the wind. We were in our meadow, the day warm and sunny, just like I knew she liked it. She was following the refracting light on my body, kissing all over as I sparkled in the sun. I reached out with one hand and grabbed myself, pumping lazily until I was at full mast, standing at attention, waiting for her. I grinned as she paused her ministrations, watching the light bouncing off my cock. I used to hate my body in the sun, but Bella quickly assured me she found it captivating.

She reached out with a soft touch, and ran her hand lightly along my member, then held it firmly at the base as she leaned forward, tongue extended, licking the tip like a lollipop. I shuddered and couldn't stop myself as my hand shot out, tangling in her hair, pushing her down, thrusting my cock to the back of her throat and holding her there. She sucked around me, muscles constricting as she worked to breathe with the restricted airflow, and the sensation nearly brought me to my knees.

"Enough of that," I whispered as I pulled myself out of my reverie, a finger softly pressed to her lips, pulling her mouth off my body. My daydream made me realize once again that intimacy with her would be impossible. She wasn't doing anything wrong per say, nothing that even I would have been appalled with before marriage, but just the feel of her lips on me brought out the monster, and I wouldn't let him hurt her.

Marriage was no longer the only thing holding me back. We could not do more than what happened today while Bella was human. And although she had made it clear after the James incident that she wanted to be one of us, I was always hoping for her to change her mind. She didn't understand what she was asking. If I lost and she did get turned, then I would have no qualms with taking her, any way she wanted. But while she was soft, warm, breakable, it just wasn't possible. I had to hope she didn't push the issue, as I didn't want to give her more reason to leave her mortality behind, but even I knew this was a battle I would lose.