Disclaimer: I don't own it.

Thanks to Oxnate for beta-reading for me.

This Year's Boy

By Kylia

Chapter 14: What Happens Next

February 25th, 2000
Los Angeles Suburbs

Xander didn't remember registering the sound of the bullets, though he knew they had to have been loud, even from half a block away. He didn't even really remember seeing Angel staggering back, one hand on his stomach, or seeing Faith hit the sidewalk.

The first thing he mentally registered was being crouched at the side of his body, hands pressed to the chest wound that was bleeding. So much blood. Blood. It was just - did his body even have that much blood? Why was it all-? Xander's hands were covered, stained, some line from a Shakespeare play he'd read in High School at the top of his head suddenly. He couldn't, he didn't know why but they were there - your purpled hands do reek and smoke -.

"No, no, you do not get to - you do not get to die and take my body with me, you crazy-" Xander spoke quickly, trying, failing, unable to stem anything, he tore off part of his shirt, desperately, a bandage, unable to -

Behind him he heard a thump, and Buffy saying something, shouting something, but there were no words, nothing distinct, just blood so much blood and Xander was saying 'no' over and over again.

There was a gurgling sound, that much Xander did hear distinct, as he hyperventilated, like Willow did when anxious, but worse, his head feeling light, as if he was the one losing blood, but he was, technically, his body, just not the one he was in

Faith's lips moved, and it was as if she was trying to say something but even with Slayer hearing he couldn't pick up on it. But then she did it again, and he lowered his head a little, towards her mouth, almost feeling like he could see the life fading out of her with her blood - his blood.

"...you lose..." Faith whispered with a gurgling note to her voice - Xander heard it, but it still felt muted, distant. Faith smirked, a gurgling, weak laugh. "You lose..." she said again, and Xander pulled away, babbling again.

"No. No. You're not-" Xander pressed harder on the chest wound with one hand, trying again to use strips torn off clothing to plug it. But nothing seemed to be working. He faintly felt a hand on his shoulder. Anya next to him, her fingers digging into his uninjured shoulder. If there was pain, Xander was too distracted to notice-

Nothing.

Just blood.

Blood.

So much blood.

February 25th, 2000
Los Angeles Suburbs

Everyone was silent for a split second, nobody moving. Cordelia felt glued to the ground, just as glued as her eyes were with the gruesome sight of Xander's body dying in front of her. There was - there was so much blood? Why? Someone had to have called the cops again, more, there'd be witnesses. They had to-

We can't wait for a hospital, but if Angel-

There was a blur, and then Xander was crouched by his body, pressing hands down on the wounds, as if that was somehow going to do anything.

Then there was another blur, and Cordelia was able to wrench her eyes away and looked at Collins as Buffy grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pushed him up against his car. If Buffy had been any taller, he'd have his feet dangling away from the ground, but Buffy being barely over five feet had its downsides for her.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't break you in half right now," Buffy demanded, her other hand twitching,like she wanted to smash every single one of Collins's teeth out.

"You've had your chances to kill humans, I highly doubt you're going to start doing it now," Collins gasped out, trying to sound calm and controlled, but even with his clipped British accent, the effect was ruined by how close Buffy was to choking him entirely, with the way his shirt collar was now tight around his neck.

"I wouldn't count on it," Buffy pulled him back and then shoved him against the car, hard. "Plus, I do have a bit of experience putting people into comas, and you don't have Slayer Healing."

Oh come on Buffy, it's not like you put Faith into a coma on purpose... Cordelia didn't say that thought, biting it back, not because it wasn't true, but because - well, Buffy had gone there to kill Faith, from everything Cordelia had later heard. So killing humans wasn't totally out of the realm of the possible for Buffy.

"If you kill me - or even put me in a coma - there won't be anyone to clear the crimes still attributed to Miss Lehane's name. And face," Collins put a hand up and tried to pull his shirt collar away from his neck a little, taking a quick gasping breath after getting himself a bit of space. "Because as it stands, as far as the police are concerned... she's still guilty."

Cordelia watched the two, while out of the corner of her eye, she saw Xander desperately trying to keep his body alive, the word 'no' escaping his lip constantly in a panicked babble that was providing a horrifying background soundtrack to Collin's snarkiness. Angel was straightening up, blood staining his shirt around the bullet hole in his torso, but he was still standing and the brief flow of blood seemed to have stopped now. Angel was watching Collins intently, as if he wanted to attack the jackass, but Buffy seemed to have it in hand.

"And... there'll be no one else to provide young Mr. Harris a new identity - though I suppose I should say 'give a new identity to Miss Harris," A malicious smirk formed on his face, but it quickly wiped off his face when Buffy backhanded him with her free hand, splitting his lip and making his nose bleed, though it didn't look broken.

Benefits of a Sunnydale education, I know what a broken nose looks like, mostly, Cordelia bit her lip - Willow and Tara were moving, running to Xander's side - Anya had apparently joined him while she wasn't looking - and both witches were trying to push Xander's hands away from the wounds, Willow fumbling in her pockets, pulling out some sort of crystal and the two witches seemed to be trying to chant a spell or something.

"Shut up!" Buffy snarled, pulling Cordelia's attention back to her. "You don't get to be all smug after you -" Buffy ground Collins against the car again, harder. "You planned this?" Even as she asked the question, realization dawned on her, and everything came together for Cordelia too. This wasn't just about fucking with Wolfram and Hart. "You wanted to do this from the start!" She accused.

"Quite," Collins admitted. "Miss Lehane was a waste of a Slayer... and it's always a gamble when one Slayer dies and the next is called."

"That, and a Slayer gets stronger with age," Wesley commented, stepping closer to Collins, pulling out his own gun. "Which shoulder would you like me to shoot, Collins?"

Once again, Cordelia heard the sound of police sirens in the distance, and her eyes pulled away from the scene in front of her back to Xander, and Faith and-

Willow and Tara were still trying spells, hands and eyes glowing but nothing seemed to be changing that Xander's body was covered in blood, 'Faiths' hands all but stained red-

That seems like - Xander... his body has that much blood? Cordelia stared, and then, "Threaten later, run now," Cordelia snapped. Cordelia didn't watch anyone's responses as she ran to Xander's body. They couldn't leave it here if-

Cordelia pressed her fingers to the neck... nothing. No pulse, not even a weak- Cordelia swallowed and looked at the face. Years of Sunnyhell had given her a pretty good idea of-

Dead.

Cordelia stared for a moment, but even as part of her mind tried to deny it.

Dead. Xander's body was dead. Faith was dead.

"We have to go!" Cordelia said again, "It's dead, you can't just magic the body back to life!" Cordelia grabbed at Willow's arm and started to pull her away, Willow tried to resist, but then Tara was pulling away, taking Willow's hand in hers and tugging her towards the car Giles was driving. Cordelia looked at Anya.

"It's dead. Your body- it's dead," Anya started. "I... no- this-" Anya stared, "Xander! This isn't happening. Stop it from happening. Your body can't be dead. I like it. You like it. You need it. I-" Tears were in her eyes now, and Cordelia grabbed Anya's shoulders.

"Freak out later, Demon Girl," she snapped, shaking her. "The cops are coming and unless you two want to get arrested for murder, time to move." Anya stared at her, then pushed Cordelia's hands off of her shoulders, shaking Xander's arm.

"Xander- we have-" Anya hesitated a moment, trying - and failing - to pull Xander away as he kept saying 'no' over and over again, trying to stop a blood flow that had already stopped. Cordelia grabbed Xander's other arm and pulled with Cordelia.

"Xander, it's dead, denial isn't helping, and Faith is wanted for murder," Cordelia snapped, but Xander wasn't - Cordelia bit her lip. "Unless you want to find out first hand if all the stories you hear about women's prisons are true, move!" Cordelia looked over at Anya. "You date him, slap him." Sometimes, that was the only way to get through to Xander, and this was one of those times.

Anya nodded and pulled her hand back, smacking Xander across the face. Xander recoiled, head snapping back under the unexpected assault.

"Xander, we need to go, now!" Anya said again. "Your body is dead, and I'm not losing the rest of you to the cops locking you up in some prison!" Her expression was as pleading as her tone, her desperation clear. Cordelia wouldn't have expected it, but... the former demon cared. Like, a lot.

Xander stared at Anya for a moment, as if not comprehending her words, then he stood, scooping his body up with him, but at least he moved quickly to Giles's car, Anya running to catch up to reach the car alongside him.

"Finally," Cordelia muttered and hurried after them, getting into the cramped back seat, Xander holding his body in the passenger front seat. "Gonna be a nightmare to get all that blood out of the seats," Cordelia couldn't help but say quietly, but if the others heard her, they didn't say anything. Given the sound of the car starting up and moving as the police sirens got even closer and Cordelia saw them turning down onto the street in the rearview mirror, it could have just been too loud for them to hear her.

Collins's car was right behind them as they moved, Wesley, Angel and Buffy in it as well, while Cordelia, crammed in the back with the others, heart pounding in her chest, trying to process what the hell had just happened.

Seeing Xander's body dead like that, even knowing it wasn't technically Xander dead...

It was almost like watching Doyle die all over again. She didn't understand why it... I mean, sure, I don't actually want Xander dead anymore, but - I actually cared about Doyle, even if...

But... but Xander? She had washed her hands of him, and... her throat felt tight, and she swallowed, staring at the floor of the van - but that proved to be unhelpful, as Xander's blood was now dripping slowly from his body. Cordelia tried to get a glance at Xander's face through the rearview mirror, and what she could see was just...

It was a hollow, glassy-eyed look, Xander was staring blindly at nothing.

"This... this can't..." Willow was muttering. "I tried- I couldn't- why couldn't I? I couldn't save him! I know spells for healing, why didn't it work!? I'm powerful enough to do it, I- what did I do wrong?"

"Magic... magic isn't simple, Willow," Tara tried to reassure the redhead, "You- you tried, but healing magic isn't just... It's not just about power, Willow. And- there's only so much you can heal, so fast. And with guns... I don't know much- much about guns, but I know they can do a lot of damage to internal organs..." Tara finished.

I mean... yeah, that sounds about right. That much bleeding - something inside Xander had to have been chewed up by the gunshots and...

He just...

Why didn't the powers warn her about this, damnit!? Why didn't they warn Doyle to... bring a big brick with him to throw at that device the Scourge brought with them? Why? What the use of all these stupid visions if they didn't-

I didn't ask Doyle to give me these visions, but if you're going to give me these head-splitting surround sound hallucinations, then you should make it so I can actually save people that... I apparently still give a bit of a crap about! Cordelia had no idea if the Powers that Be were actually listening, or how she was supposed to reach out to them.

But you'd better be listening, damnit!

February 25th, 2000

Angel Investigations, Los Angeles

There were no police chasing them the whole way to Angel's place, at least, and no cops waiting for them either. Cordelia was a little surprised Wolfram and Hart wasn't trying to pin the whole mess on them, but maybe they didn't want to have the cops looking too close at it either.

Getting inside with a dead body and a man held at gunpoint wasn't so simple as just walking through the front door, but sewer access had its uses... even if it took her at least two washes to get the smell out of her clothes every time she had to go down into the sewers to help Angel and Wesley with some demon. More if the demon got its gunk all over her.

Xander was still carrying his body, still... dead to the world. Anya had barely been able to get any reaction out of him, and from the way she was shaking and fighting back tears, the former demon was barely holding it together.

"Sit down," Wesley shoved Collins into a chair, "hands behind the chair. Angel, I think we're going to need the manacles."

"Good plan," It wasn't Angel that said it, but Buffy - the vampire was gone from the main room, and then back a moment later, chaining the Watcher's wrists together behind the chair.

"This is all quite unnecessary," Collins said coolly. "I'm more than happy to answer any question you-"

Buffy grabbed his shoulder and squeezed tight enough to make Collins grunt in pain. "Shut up! Stop acting like you- you just murdered someone!"

"Faith Lehane was always going to die, Miss Summers. Did you really think we were going to lock the Slayer up indefinitely?" Collins countered.

"I-" Buffy started, then cut herself off, biting her lip.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. Save us from Buffy's hangups. "It's one thing to kill Psycho-slayer in her own body, it's another thing to kill her in Xander's!" Cordelia stalked across the room to the bastard and backhanded him across the face - nowhere near as hard as Buffy had earlier, but it was satisfying as hell for Cordelia. "You said this was your entire plan, so why don't you spell it out?"

"I think I can guess most of it myself," Wesley suggested. "Slayers get more powerful with age. It's a reason the Cruciamentum still exists... in practice, it's for dealing with troublesome and independent minded Slayers, though no one ever admits it. But I've had a great deal of time to think about the circumstances of Mr. Giles's termination as a Watcher."

Buffy paled a little, then turned to Giles. "Giles, is that true?"

"Before it turned out you were sent against a vampire as dangerous as Kralik? I wouldn't have said so, but now..." Giles trailed off, shifting uncomfortable.

"Mr. Giles, you've heard the stories, you've read the diaries of the Watchers before you," Wesley countered. "I didn't want to believe those stories myself, but they're true."

Just when I wouldn't have thought any less of these English assholes. And Wesley was one of them. She'd have to have a lot of words with Wes after this was all done. Sure, he wasn't one of them now, but still.

"I suppose you both really have gone native. I'd have expected better of you, Pryce, but then, you did fail rather spectacularly with Miss Lehane," Collins drawled, and Wesley flushed a moment, looking away.

"Speaking of Faith, back on topic," Cordelia snapped, turning back to Collins. "You killed Faith, in Xander's body, because older Slayers are more powerful? What do those have to-" Cordelia started, then cut herself off, the pieces falling into place. "Kill Faith when she's in her own body, and you just get some random Slayer, probably fifteen or sixteen. But- but Xander?!"

"Miss Harris," Collins said, emphasising that first word with a smirk that was way too confident for a man with dried blood trailing from one nostril and a bloody lip, "has always shown an admirable hatred of vampires... all vampires, by all accounts." Collins looked at Angel, raising an eyebrow. Cordelia resisted the urge to backhand him again. Hitting people shouldn't feel good for her. She wasn't Faith, or Buffy, or anyone like that. Sure, this bastard - or berk, maybe? - deserved it but still. They say berk in merry olde England, don't they? That's the word they use?

"He's not going to kill Angel for you," Wesley pointed out, aiming his gun towards Collins's leg. "If he wouldn't do it to get his body back from Wolfram and Hart, he's not going to do it for the people who killed that same body. And he wouldn't succeed even if he tried."

"You're missing the point, Wesley," Collins shook his head, and Wesley's hand twitched. For a split second, Cordelia thought Wesley would shoot him, but he didn't. Yet.

"Then why don't you spell it out for us," Buffy all but growled, brushing past Wesley and grabbing tight onto Collins's shoulder again. "If you were so determined to - you could have put anyone into Faith's body! Why did you do this to Xander!?" Cordelia saw Wesley lower his gun out of the corner of his eye, so it wasn't pointing at Buffy.

"Because it was simpler. We don't need Miss Harris to do what we tell her. She'll fight demons and vampires on her own until she dies, and that's more than sufficient."

"Stop calling Xander she! He's not- he's still the same person! We're not going to just give up!" Willow suddenly interrupted, storming towards Collins. For once in her life, Willow actually looked scary - as the redhead passed, Cordelia could have sworn she felt static electricity coming off of her, but even with magic, that wasn't a thing, right?

"Way to go in figuring out how to fight back, Rosenberg," Cordelia muttered under her breath. Granted, she'd gotten better at standing up for herself since Sophomore year, but this was new, for Cordelia anyway.

Willow pursed her lips as she got in close to Collins, pointing her finger at him. "You- you and your... Council might have left Xander trapped in a different body, but I'm not going to just let you win!"

Collins raised an eyebrow again, unfazed. The man took stiff upper lip to a whole new level.

"What do you propose to do, Miss Rosenberg? His body is dead, you can't just put her back in it."

"There's magic that can change someone's appearance into someone else's! I'll find a spell I can use to give Xander his body back!" Willow assured him. "Or I'll find some other way to stop you from getting what you want you- you- asshole!" Cordelia actually recoiled a little as Willow swore, and everyone else in the room who knew her looked just as surprised as her. Giles cleared his throat and looked away, and even Anya was pulled away from trying to get a response out of Xander for a moment.

Willow Rosenberg didn't swear. Cordelia had known the girl since first grade, and never once had she known the girl to swear, or even heard about it. Maybe she'd done it while only her close friends were around to hear it, but obviously Buffy and company weren't used to hearing her do it.

"You're welcome to try, but if you think giving Miss Harris a male body again will work, I'm afraid you'll be rather fatally wrong." Collins chuckled. Willow's eyes actually almost seemed to go black for a second as her hand twitched and Cordelia blinked repeatedly. Willow's eyes were normal again. No, not 'again', they'd never changed. Did someone mojo me with some sort of 'be terrified of Willow' hallucination spell?

"That theory's never been tested," Wesley tried to cut in, but Collins laughed.

"No, it was tested twice, several centuries ago." The smug bastard shook his head. "There are spells that can turn a man into a woman and vice-versa, but the Slayer Essence rejects that with rather strong... finality." He laughed. "Both slayers it was attempted on died of total organ failure within hours. The Slayer Essence, it seems, is unwilling to allow itself to exist in a biologically male body. If you try to give Miss Harris her old body back like that, you'll be burying your friend in truth, not just in seeming."

"I- I don't- How do we know you're telling the truth!?" Willow demanded. "And even if you are, I'll find some way to fix this! You aren't going to win!"

"Feel free to try," Collins shook his head. "In the meantime, perhaps it's time we hear from Miss Harris?" He suggested, looking past Willow to Xander in the corner of the room. Anya heard his words and stood up, joining Willow and Buffy and even Cordelia herself in storming across towards him.

"You are going to do nothing to Xander! You've done enough! And I might not have my powers anymore, but I still know how to get vengeance on pathetic little men like you!" She turned to Willow. "Get your magic stuff, Willow, I'm going to show you a spell to make this guy's 'manhood' wither and fall off, and then we can go from there."

"I don't think-" Tara started to interrupt, or tried to, but she was barreled over by Anya, turning back to Collins. "And believe me, that will just be the beginning!" Predictably, the threat to his dick actually had Collins tensing up, looking worried, uncomfortable. Men.

"Anya-" Buffy started, but the girl wheeled around on the Slayer.

"No, no, Buffy, you are not stopping me from giving this man exactly what he deserves! By the time I'm done with him, he's going to wish I just beat him to death with a shovel! And if you won't help me Willow, I will still make this get done! I do have other options than relying on your magic!"

"I didn't- I-" Willow started, but she was cut off by the sound of a ringing noise coming from inside Collins coat. Buffy reached into an inside pocket and pulled out a cell phone, answering it.

"Alistair? Why haven't you checked in?" A clipped, very British sounding voice on the other end of the line demanded, barely audible from where Cordelia was standing. From the way Wesley and Giles tensed, and Buffy made a face, they all recognized the voice.

"Travers," Buffy finally said first, turning on speaker phone. "So this was all your idea then?!"

"Ah... Miss Summers. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised you managed to interfere in our plans." If this man - Travers - was upset, he didn't show it in his calm, measured tone. "Shall I assume that Miss Lehane is still alive, and back in her body?"

"No, the rogue Slayer is dead, and Miss Harris continues to occupy her body," Collins cut in, his tone not quite as smug as before, but at least he was trying.

"Well, at least that much was successful," Travers observed. "So, Miss Summers, have at it. Engage in your petulant tantrum about how I killed your friend's body and stranded him in one that gives him vastly more capacity to fight evil than he ever had before."

Cordelia stared at the phone. Does he think he just did Xander a favor?

"If you think it's so great to be stuck in a body that's not yours," Cordelia snapped, leaning a bit towards the phone, "then why didn't one of you switch bodies with her once you had her back in England?"

"A reasonable question, but one with a simple answer. Southern California, by the information provided by all our seers and oracles, will be of great importance in the fight against evil in the coming years." Travers explained. "So whoever replaced Miss Lehane, either in her body, or as the subsequent Slayer, would be spending a great deal of time in close proximity to Miss Summers. And given the way things went for Miss Young and Miss Lehane, it seemed a better idea to ensure that whoever filled the little murderer's shoes had a rapport with Miss Summers."

Cordelia blinked, and everyone was silent for a moment, as if trying to process the insane logic. It was... it was logic, in a way, she could almost follow it, but... the conclusion? Just... the casual murder and subjecting Xander to this, when they could have tried almost anything else?!

"That's what this was about?! Because you thought I'd be able to work better with Xander than one of you?!" Buffy's hand twitched and Cordelia got the idea that Buffy wanted to throw the phone at the wall. "You- You murdered someone for that?"

"Well, given Miss Lehane was going to die one way or the other, the only concern here is the legal death of your friend and the... dislocation of being stranded in another body that's wanted for murder." I think you're leaving a lot out, berk. Cordelia was pretty sure 'berk' was the right word. She'd have to ask Wesley later. "The former is easily manageable with proper legal documentation, and the latter is unfortunate."

"Unfortunate!" Anya screeched. "You really don't understand how unpleasant being in a body that's not yours can be, do you?!" Anya demanded. "I've put enough people through that to know it can be hellish. Maybe I should give you a taste of that too. I know more than enough hexes to make your life miserable, just like I'm going to do to your man here!"

"...that's quite a threat, young miss," Travers said after a moment's pause. "And perhaps you really can make an effort to follow through with it, but I would advise you against trying to go to war with the Watcher's Council. We have been willing to tolerate rebellion from Miss Summers because she has remained effective on the Hellmouth. Force the issue, and we will manage without her, or Mister Harris."

"A lot of people have tried to kill me,"

"A lot of demons have tried to kill you. Vampires as well. People, on the other hand, Miss Summers, have many more options. Your strength will not save you from a sniper's bullet from a thousand years, or an explosive device going off in your college dorm room."

Buffy didn't look scared by the threat, but Cordelia was. She'd had enough of being shot at lately, and however evil this guy was - and he was evil, to be so coldly and casually talking about killing Buffy - she didn't want to have him kill her or anyone else because Xander's girlfriend was on a rage-killing spree.

Even if I completely endorse making Travers suffer as much as possible.

"So we've reached the posturing stage, Quentin," Giles suddenly spoke up. He was by Buffy's side, and held his hand out for the phone, which Buffy handed to him. "You might very well be capable of killing Buffy, myself, and all of the rest of us, if you truly wanted to, but it would be an expensive proposition, and we both know your control of the Council is not entirely secure. I may not be a Watcher anymore, but I do still have friends in the organization."

"Despite my best efforts," Travers agreed after a long moment. "I would prefer not to use such... unpleasant methods. As long as your Slayer-"

"Buffy is not my Slayer, Quentin, you ensured that after you fired me. Not that she was anything but her own person before then," Giles interrupted. "The same holds true for her friends, all those who hold Xander near and dear to our hearts."

Cordelia wasn't surprised to hear Giles include himself in that - Giles cared about Xander and Willow almost as much as he did Buffy, though Cordelia knew he never really admitted it to Xander. Because I know how much it upset Xander that you didn't.

She looked over at Xander, wondering if he'd heard Giles say that, or if he was still... lost inside himself.

Xander was still sitting kind of numbly in his chair in the corner, but his eyes were no longer on his dead body, but he was instead looking in the direction of everyone clustered around the phone, including Cordelia hearself. But it still kind of looked like the lights weren't all on in his head. Like, for real, not in some metaphor for Xander being a giant doofus idiot.

Still, progress.

"However you'd like to phrase it, then," Travers conceded. As long as Miss Summers, Mr. Harris and the other children that fight with her do not go to war with the Council, I see no reason to go to war with them. As I said, southern California appears to be of great importance, and Miss Summers knows the Sunnydale Hellmouth well."

"And that's all that matters to you, you can just treat us all like expendable pawns, kill us if we stop doing what you want? Just like that? I thought you were supposed to at least pretend you were the good guys, all noble and justified in everything you were doing. Apparently not." Buffy's tone was no longer angry, or at least, she wasn't showing it. She hadn't even raised her voice.

"Miss Summers, the Watchers' Council has spent the last thousand years fighting a war for the survival of the human race against unimaginable odds, and it is a war we are not winning, merely surviving, often by the skin of our teeth." Travers drawled, like one of her high school teachers lecturing after someone gave a really stupid answer to their question in class. Big on that 'our' aren't we? Somehow, Cordelia figured it wasn't the old men running the Council who were at threat. "We do not have the luxury of being soft or uncompromising in that fight. We do not need you to take orders, we simply need you to do as you have continued to do, and that is police the Hellmouth. Simply now, you will have the help of another Slayer you can work with."

"So that's it?" Anya demanded, finally speaking again. "You get everything you want, get away with killing Xander's body? I don't think-" Anya was cut off by a hand - Faith's hand - on her shoulder, and Cordelia blinked, realizing Xander was standing up and by them, speaking.

"Ahn," he said in a murmur that Cordelia almost didn't hear. Anya turned her head and stared at him, and Xander whispered something in her ear that Cordelia didn't actually hear. Then Xander looked back at the phone. "You lose,"

"Would you care to elaborate on that... Mr. Harris?" He said the name like he wasn't entirely sure that's who he was talking to.

"It was the last thing Faith said to me, while she was bleeding out after your guy shot her." Xander explained. "I've been trying to avoid thinking about the fact that I'm dead. That as far as my family, most people I know outside of this room and the world at large is going to be concerned, I'm dead. I've been trying to avoid thinking about that because of you, I'm quite possibly stuck with boobs and a uterus and a menstrual cycle for the rest of my life." Cordelia blinked at that, realizing it was true.

In my defense, it's not been something I've really been focused on. She had, more than once while dating Xander, wished he could feel how unpleasant a period was, so he'd stop making jokes about her being on her period when she was angry at him.

Okay, so he'd only made a couple of those jokes, probably echoing his useless dad, but still.

Not how I'd have wanted it to happen.

Xander was still talking, voice moving quicker. "I've been trying to avoid thinking about how I spent a few minutes there, desperately and pointlessly trying to stop my body from bleeding out, getting my own blood all over my hands as I watched myself die. Have you ever watched yourself die? I wouldn't recommend it, Captain Crumpet."

"Is there a point in all this, Mr. Harris?"

"My point," Xander said after a long inhale and exhale, trying to calm himself down, "Is that while I've been trying to avoid dealing with the mess I'm in, I've been thinking about what Faith said, what she did. It wasn't just your guys and Wolfram and Hart that screwed up the exchange. Faith stabbed a piece of sharp plastic in the eyes of one of the hostages. They're all dead, by the way, so bonus points for you." Xander lowered his voice. "The point is that for whatever reason, I'm pretty sure Faith was hoping to die in the crossfire. I think she wanted to make sure that if she couldn't win, we'd lose. I'd lose. And I did. But so have you."

"I fail to see how that's the case, Mr. Harris. All this information suggests is that even if Alistair hadn't killed Miss Lehane in your body, she'd have contrived a way to strand you in hers anyway."

"Oh, she'd have tried. Maybe even succeeded, for a change. But here's the thing... right now I don't really care if I live or die." Anya started to say something, but Xander kissed her forehead a moment, whispered something in her ear and went on. "Because if I die, at least I don't have to start dealing with all the problems I've got coming down the line."

"Xander!" Willow hissed, but Xander looked over at his friend.

"Wills, let me finish this," and then he was looking back at the phone. "And if I'm going to be dying, then there's nothing stopping me from going after you. Just me. I don't care if I live or die, but I do care about my friends staying alive."

"Are you threatening the Council?"

"I'm threatening you. I don't know if I'd have it in me to kill anyone, but I'm happy to try to find out with you. And... if I die, you're back to square one anyway, since your whole plan was to have a Slayer Buffy could work with. She already doesn't like or respect you, am I right Buffy?" Xander looked over at her, and Buffy nodded slowly.

Holy crap. Cordelia didn't know where Xander was going with this, but...

Whatever he's trying, I think he's going to be able to pull it off.

Once in a while, Xander could really impress her, in ways she'd never imagine.

"Do you really think she'll like you any better if you kill the rest of me?" Xander finished. "Think carefully, decide how you think that's going to work out for you."

"You clearly want something, Mr. Harris. Get to it."

"You're going to let Anya do whatever she wants to your guy Collins here, for three days, as long as he's alive at the end." Collins paled and started to stammer something out in response to Xander's words, but a death glare from Anya managed to shut him up.

Travers said nothing for a long moment, then, "...he has to be still combat effective afterwards, allowing for some time to recover."

"Sir!" Collins started to say, but this time Buffy's hand was on his arm, squeezing hard enough to make him cry out in pain - again.

"I can work with that," Anya said slowly. "Don't want to, but I can."

"Okay, there you have it." Xander answered Travers.

"And is that all you want?"

"No. You're going to give Giles here his job back. Back pay, too. He's not going to take orders from you, but he'll be a Watcher again. All the resources he used to have. And you'll give Buffy a salary. She's been fighting for five years. She's risked her life to save innocent people almost every single night those last five years, and she's saved the world more than once. She deserves it."

Buffy looked at Xander, opening her mouth in surprise, but she shut it after a moment, apparently not so self-sacrificing to interrupt the idea of being paid for being a Slayer.

He's not wrong. It wasn't like Buffy could charge people she saved - getting Angel to charge their clients had been hard enough. But Buffy deserved to be paid for saving people too. It wasn't like she could really maintain a standard nine to five job after graduating college.

Travers paused for a moment. "The Council may have deep pockets, but our resources are not infinite."

"You can easily afford to pay Buffy an amount equal to my former salary. She deserves more, but I suppose there's a limit to how much you can pretend to be a decent human being," Giles suggested.

"...acceptable," Travers conceded after a moment. "Anything else, Mr. Harris? My willingness to entertain your blackmail is not without limit either. Would you like a salary as well?"

"I don't want your money. Just make sure there won't be any cops coming after me for Faith's crimes, and give Willow what she needs to make a new identity for me. I don't exactly trust you guys not to leave a trap for me."

"And that's all?"

"That'll be all," Xander agreed.

I'd have held his balls to the fire longer. Cordelia had no idea why Xander was turning down a salary. Probably some kind of macho male pride bullshit.

"Well, then Mr. Harris, I think we have a deal." Collins started to protest again, but Cordelia joined everyone else in glaring at him, and the man, now fully realizing he was in the deep shit, shut up.

I don't think I want to know what Anya has planned for him.

February 26th, 2000

Hotel Room, Los Angeles

Angel had agreed to hold onto Collins for the night, since Anya didn't have all the things she'd need for all the spells she had planned. Anya's threat to make Collins's dick wither off really was just the start, and as much as Xander loved Anya, he really wished he hadn't heard the litany of awful Collins was going to be receiving over the next three days, in rather specific detail from Anya.

It's hard to forget all the people she's killed when she talks about all that.

Was this what Buffy had felt, loving Angel despite everything Angelus had done? Or close, anyway?

Given how late it was, they were in a hotel room, and Xander had finally had a small meltdown. The first of many, he was sure. Anya had been there for him for the whole thing, arms around him, and his heart swelled with love and gratitude for her over it. He hadn't wanted anyone else to see it - hell, he'd almost wanted Anya not to see it, but she'd insisted.

"Xander?" Anya asked softly, sitting by his side on the bed, where they'd been sitting silently for half an hour, since he'd finally pulled himself back together for the moment.

"Yeah Ahn?"

"Why... why did you say no to a salary? I mean, Buffy's done more, but I mean... you'll be risking your life just as much."

"Buffy's still going to be the hero, I'll just be the sidekick," Xander offered, trying to fake a smile and make the attempt at a joke stick, but he couldn't pull it off.

"Xander," Anya's voice was stern, but soft, scolding him. "Please."

"...because I'm still hoping Willow can find a way to... even if she can't give me my body back, but... make me a guy again. Safely." Xander wasn't really that confident. He believed in Willow, but his luck with magic wasn't great. But he... he really didn't want to be a woman for the rest of his life, if he had an option. And Anya... well, anya deserved to have her boyfriend available again too.

Sure... being a Slayer for a few days has been nice, but...

It's not worth it.

"You did hear them explain she can't just magic your current body into a male one, right?"

"I did. But I mean... there still might be another solution."

"We could just have you switch bodies with a man that has a body we'd both be okay with?" Anya suggested, smirking.

Xander almost managed a genuine smile at Anya's flippant idea... comforting, in an odd way. I mean... that could work. But... well, there were a lot of reasons that didn't sit totally right with him either.

"I'm not going to just subject someone else to... this. The last few days have not been fun, at all." He gestured to Faith's body. His body, for the foreseeable future. "This isn't me... I'm aware of it every second. It was weird at first, and it's only gotten worse."

"Dysphoria. It's not a pleasant feeling, knowing your body is wrong," Anya nodded slowly. "Are you sure we can't-" Anya frowned, "No, you wouldn't want to do it to someone innocent..." Anya's expression brightened. "We could find someone who deserves it. Someone who fucked up and -"

"And then we'd give them Slayer powers," Xander pointed out. "I mean... if they're awful enough to deserve losing their body, they're probably not someone we want with superpowers,"

Anya pouted, "...no, probably not. It would be simpler though. I mean we could just-" Anya started, then frowned, shaking her head.

"What?"

"You wouldn't like it," Anya shook her head. "None of your friends would either, probably." She laid her head on his shoulder. "You don't deserve this, Xander. I mean... you're a man, but as far as men go, you're quite pleasant."

"What a ringing endorsement," Xander finally felt like the smile on his face with that comment was actually genuine, for a moment.

"Xander, for me, it really is," Anya pointed out. She snuggled in closer to him. "I'm sorry this happened to you. I wish I could just make it better." Then she brightened up again, "that's it, wish!"

"Are you going to suggest summoning another Vengeance Demon?" Xander really didn't think that would work well, from everything Anya had said of her past and her former kin as a demon.

"No, no, that won't work." Anya shook her head, "But there are other entities that grant wishes... usually there's all sorts of traps and strings attached, but we should be able to find something..." she trailed off. "Assuming the Slayer Essence doesn't interfere."

"Well, we can always try to find out," Xander agreed. He doubted it would be that simple, but... a wish with strings attached, or traps... maybe he could work with that, if they could... "... are genies in lamps real?"

"Djinn exist, and they can be bound to lamps or other containers, but technically they don't grant wishes, that's just a myth," Anya shook her head. "Still, there are options." She looked away, pursing her lips thoughtfully. Probably running through every possibility she could think of.

"Fingers crossed," Xander nodded. He really hoped that Anya, or Willow, or Giles would find something.

In the meantime... he'd just have to deal with it all. Deal with being a slayer, deal with being legally dead, deal with being a woman.

And hopefully... hopefully Xander's terrible luck with magic wouldn't kick in this time.

Hopefully.