It's been a little bit, but I'm updating now

Spoiler alert for Mockingjay in this (Mockingjay is the 3rd Hunger Games book, in case you didn't know)

TW for self harm, depression, guilt

After a few weeks, Ahsoka was finally released from the Halls of Healing. She was still trying to learn how to walk, though, and her urge to self harm hadn't disappeared. Neither had her nightmares about that mission and guilt.

Ahsoka let out a long sigh as she entered her room. She was exhausted after Obi-Wan tried to help her walk. She was getting better, but it wasn't good enough. She still had to hold onto something. When alone, she had to use a cane.

She walked over to the bathroom, and entered it. She took off her clothes and started the shower.

Ahsoka was tempted to make the water warmer, but she resisted. She didn't deserve that luxury. When the wet needles of water touched her skin, she flinched, but let it continue. Why should she stop it?

Once the (very difficult) shower was over, Ahsoka walked out of the shower with a town around herself, but not before noticing a small knife on her sink. She put it there a while ago, when she was unsure about what to do with it. It was a gift from Anakin for her birthday a year ago.

Ahsoka shrugged the urge off, and quickly got dressed. She made herself some food, and sat down on her couch. She turned on a random holomovie. It was the Hunger Games. She loved the Hunger Games, but pretty soon, Prim died, and Katniss was morning her. Then, Katniss had healed enough to move on and fight. If only Ahsoka could move on and do the same.

Ahsoka turned off the holomovie. She couldn't handle this. Katniss was doing way better about a sibling dying than she was.

She walked into her bathroom, and grabbed the knife. This would help. Ahsoka dug the blade into her arm, making a straight line. It looked perfect.

A second one won't hurt, right? Ahsoka decided, and made another line right next to the first. Her hand slipped, and she accidentally added a third.

"This is fine." Ahsoka whispered to herself as she decided to add a fourth and fifth line. "There, one for each brother I killed."

Once Ahsoka was satisfied with herself, she ran her arm under water to get rid of the blood, and used a paper towel to clean all the water off. Then, she cleaned up all the blood on the floor and grabbed a long sleeved shirt.

"I deserved that." Ahsoka tried to say to justify her actions, but she knew she couldn't. Self harm proved that she was not a good Jedi. There were Jedi that got expelled for that. It meant that they didn't have control over their emotions, in the Jedi Council's eyes.

Ahsoka curled up on her bed, alone with her thoughts.

Useless

A waste of space

You weren't even able to keep your own family alive

Ahsoka's thoughts told her. They were right, of course. She knew that. Sometimes she just wanted those thoughts to quiet down, like when she was supposed to be trying to walk with her mechanical leg again.

Obi-Wan was too good at feeling her emotions in the Force. Multiple times he tried to talk to her about her grief.

"Maybe I should look for a way to get my mind shields higher..." Ahsoka murmured to herself.

She looked at the time it was midnight. Obi-Wan told her to be asleep by 11. Ahsoka sighed, but decided to go to sleep. Obi-Wan would be able to tell if she went to sleep too late or not.

Ooh yes some Obi-Wan resentment.

Yeah so I have 2 different endings planned, and one of them emerged from this chapter, but one of them can lead into the second one, so I'm just gonna say that this took an unexpected and dark turn. I apologize for the joke.

I also just posted an ATLA fanfic on Wattpad called Siblings (I think I'm gonna add another chapter soon even though it was supposed to just be a one-shot) so please check it out. It's about Azula and Zuko's brother/sister relationship because yes. Please read it if you want (I know the description for it is terrible)

A review would be very much appreciated.

Have a good day/night or time on an alien planet.