SUE August in Seoul was merciless. The heat was one thing, the humidity another. For the past two days, it had been so humid that even the super modern AC systems at the HYBE Building hadn't been able to keep up with it, which had resulted in sweaty and tired staff. Dance rehearsals had been cancelled, something that had never happened before. Today it had gotten a bit better but today was also Saturday. Lying in the shade of a tree on a less busy patch of grass next to Han River with Georgia was much more bearable in the heat than carrying around camera gear.

Ever so often one of us would run over to a pyeoni jeom close by to get more drinks and snacks. Over time we had upgraded from water to soft drinks to makgeolli. We had been spending quite a bit of time together recently, more than before even. And the reason - quite honestly - was mainly that she and JK had called it quits again. Whenever they did there was a big fight and I was sure it was done for good but by now I had learned my lesson. And since Ollie had been busy moving in with Namjoon and he had finally had his operation, I had spent a lot less time at the guy's apartment. It had usually been the girls dragging me along, now there wasn't much of a reason. Instead, I had met some of Georgia's friends, introduced her to some of mine who had moved to Seoul from Busan before I had. Keeping up with Georgia's social life was at times simply exhausting but it kept my mind occupied and it started to slowly feel normal. I would usually go home long before she did and I would sometimes stay home altogether, but having her had turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to me. We were so different, but especially when we were alone we often understood each other without words. There weren't many people that I was comfortable lying a whole afternoon in the grass without wondering whether they were bored already with. Or getting bored myself.

I wasn't really drunk, just felt a bit of a buzz which was nice, especially when an unexpected cooler breeze wafted over us out of nowhere and Georgia and I both sighed at the same time, before laughing. "You know... this is good. Life is good." Georgia suddenly said and I believed her because she said it in combination with a very hearty yawn. I had to agree, for a few hours it felt like there wasn't a care in the world, time was passing slowly and as long as I ignored that little piece of my heart squeezing ever so often everything was good. But no matter how much I ignored it, it was there. I knew that. Just tried to get used to it. I wanted to say something, but then just sighed again, reached into the pocket of my shorts and threw a little piece of paper over at Georgia. "What...another one?" She just said and picked it up, looked at it as if she had to think about whether she wanted to read it at all but then started unfolding it.

I knew it wasn't right to show these to her. I should have kept them to myself. But then again... it probably also wasn't right to keep writing them even though I had never reacted to a single one. Just for that I should have just thrown them away or given Jin a stern talking to, but I didn't. I had read them and kept them and eventually told Georgia about it, not sure what to do. She looked at it, asked me to translate and then nodded slowly. "Always right between sweet and disgustingly cheesy, he really knows what he's doing." She finally commented and then gave it back to me. There was no further comment needed. Georgia had told me a hundred times that I could just forget what had happened and give him another chance. Or... forget about him and have fun with that app developer guy that kept hitting on me whenever he went out with us. He was a pretty nice guy actually, I was sure I would have fallen for him in no time... If I would have given him a chance. But - and this was one of these things where Georgia and I didn't need any verbal communication - it just wouldn't happen. At least not anytime soon. I was still hurt. And not over Jin. The ridiculous amount of neatly folded post-it notes in my wallet were proof.

He had written me notes before, but this time it had started with a single one stuck to my computer screen at work when I got back from lunch. Only a heart on it. I still knew who it was from. I had quickly let it disappear before anyone could see it. And then a week later I had found one in the pocket of my jacket. Saying that he was sorry. They always surprised me. Sometimes he wrote down things that reminded him of me, sometimes he called himself an idiot. This one, which he had just put down in front of me on a table when no one was watching, said that he missed me so much he didn't know what to do. It made it so much harder to just be civil and professional. Because of course, I missed him as well. Sometimes I would catch myself staring at him when he wasn't looking and then quickly stop when I'd realize what I was doing. Sometimes I would wake up and think of Jin before I remembered what had happened. I hated how dramatic my head was. And I hated that I wasn't over him. And I hated how much I missed him. His stupid jokes. And encouraging smiles. Side hugs. All of it.

"Sue. Why are you doing this to yourself?" I hadn't realized Georgia had moved her head to the side, was looking at me now. "I don't know. I wish I could just stop." "No, I mean... clearly you like the guy. Why don't you just give him another shot? Sure, he made a mistake. But why is that one mistake so much worse than all others? You of all people don't expect anyone to be perfect, I know that... otherwise you would have ripped off my head a long time ago." I couldn't help but smile, gently pushing my fist against her upper arm as if I was slow-mo punching her. She had a point, of course she had. One could argue that no one was perfect and he had just made a mistake. And hopefully wouldn't make it again. But then again... it had been the one thing I had been insecure about from the start. I had real-life memories of my worst-case scenario nightmare.

JIN "You ordered what?" "A gigantic sticky note pack." Jimin sat there and just looked at his friend, his legs crossed, his hands on his knees, suddenly slightly gesturing, but very apparently at a loss for words. "Okay. That is... something you can do of course. Why?" "Well, I figured if the little ones are not working bigger ones might." "So the idea is that if you spent money on big yellow sticky paper she will forgive you?" Ouch. "No, of course not but... gesture. You know? Can't really stand in front of her house with a boom box above my head." "She would hate that anyways." "True." "Maybe instead of... I am sorry to say this Jin, but maybe instead of harassing her with these notes that she clearly isn't replying to you could just let it go?" His words sounded harsh, but Jin knew that the younger one only meant well. He was right as well. Sue had never given him any indication that she was okay with getting notes from him and every single time he told himself it would be the last one... and then another thought tormented his brain for a couple of days until he did it again. "I know." Jin had grabbed an RJ pillow from the other side of the bed and moved it above his head. Sometimes having a fluffy cloud alpaca pillow in your face just helped. This time it didn't. "Still think the huge post-it idea was pretty great."

SUE A week later Olivia invited all of us to their apartment. Namjoon had recovered enough and according to her was going a bit stir crazy so we decided to have dinner at their place and play games afterwards. Joon could hardly move but I could tell he enjoyed the company. Usually, it would have been hard to gather everyone for a game night but they did it for him. At least for a couple of hours before Kookie, Hobi and Jimin made up a lame excuse to go to a club. But by that time Joon had passed out on the couch anyways. While Georgia was trying to put as many dice on top of his forehead without him waking up as possible (current count: four!) I stepped outside onto the balcony, only to realize that Yoongi and Sangie were already sitting there. Leaning against the wall, on the floor, even though there were some chairs right next to them, they looked like a couple out of a indie rom-com and I tried to get back inside as quickly as possible to not disturb them when Yoongi smiled at me and pointed at the spot right next to him.

It was nice. The night was still warm and even though the city's pollution covered up most stars we had quite the dramatic view of the moon over the river. We didn't say much, the only sounds the city and our friends inside. I had debated with myself whether I should come tonight for a while but even when Jin stepped outside as well and sat down next to me I didn't mind. Maybe this could work. Maybe I had been wrong. We probably wouldn't ever become best friends but we could arrange ourselves. If I was honest I had to admit that I had missed all of us being together.

Sangie was hilarious in her very own way. The way she described the nightmare of finding a wedding venue had me almost spill my wine all over myself, Jin had his hand in front of his face because he was laughing so hard and Yoongi couldn't stop staring at his wife to be, the adoration all too visible in his face. At some point Sangie got cold and they went back inside, which left Jin and me by ourselves and for a second I considered just following them, but then didn't. A bit of awkward silence followed, but we were still giggling about her story for a while after that, exchanging our favourite bits, so it got better.

"I have something for you." Jin said and my heart started racing. Nooo... just...no. He reached for the back pocket of his jeans and then handed me a piece of paper. Yellow, of course. To my surprise I had to unfold it several times, this was the biggest sticky note in human history, pretty sure. "It's the last one. Promise." He said and I looked at him in surprise. "Look, I am sorry. About everything obviously. But right now I want to apologize for the notes. I shouldn't have done that. I'm gonna... let it go. It's not right." I slowly nodded. He was right after all, but something in me hurt a little. When I had finally finished unfolding the paper it just had another heart on it. A little messy because it was so big but I couldn't help it and smiled. Jin was looking down at his hands while I folded it back up but kept it between my hands afterwards. "Thank you." I said, a little unspecific about what I was thankful for exactly. He nodded and then sighed, got up. "Coming in as well?" "I think I am going to stay a bit longer" I said and raised my wine glass. As if that was an explanation, as if one could only drink wine outside. But he accepted it and turned around and that was when it hit me. This couldn't be it.

"Jin?" My mouth felt funny saying his name. It had been a while. When he turned around again his face displayed about all emotions at the same time. But mainly surprise. "Does it have to be..." My voice was betraying me and I had to start over again. "I wish it wasn't the last one."

He was still so beautiful. Jin stood there and looked down at me, surprised, then overwhelmed and then happy. And even though the fact that what I had just said scared the shit out of me, I was happy as well. There was a reason I would keep this note like I had kept all other notes. "Are you sure?" He eventually asked. I nodded. Not sure what it all meant, but apparently not ready to give up yet. "Great. Because I accidentally bought a huge pack with all kinds of different colours." "Go inside, Jin." I said, laughing, taking a big sip of wine and he did. I sat there for a good twenty minutes before I also found my way back inside. Where Namjoon was still sleeping, his sweater full of dice that had fallen off, everyone else gathered around the tv watching some stupid youtube video Tae had just put on before cuddling into Ollie's side. Quietly I sat down beside her and when I couldn't hide my smile anymore I hit it by cuddling into her other side. One of my hands was still inside the front pouch pocket of my hoodie, tightly closed around the piece of paper.

I would get a note every couple of days. They didn't get more elaborate than before, just a little cheerier. Some were compliments, some more hearts. Jin would still hide them from time to time but quite often he would simply give them to me the first time we saw each other that day. When I got a list of things that made him happy that day (Omelette for breakfast, a MapleStory update, finally nailing the Dynamite choreography again after forgetting all about it, writing me notes, his face in the mirror) I decided to finally write one back. But then couldn't stop. I wanted to write him a list as well (An amazing sandwich for lunch, the smell of my new conditioner, hearing that I will be an aunt for the first time, receiving notes from you.) but then also drew a heart on one of the papers. In record speed I had about 15 pieces together, the last one simply saying 'I miss you, too'. I had felt it for a while. Basically ever since Paris, but hadn't been able to say it out loud. No wonder Jin always came back to the notes. It was just so much easier to be honest that way. But what to do with 15 notes? Should I just walk up to him and hand him the whole stack? For some reason my stomach dropped at the thought alone. But I had another idea...

"Hey. Jimin." I whispered after I had walked into the boy's break room. "Do you... happen... to know Jin's locker combination?" Jimin looked at me a little confused, then turned around to make sure Tae and Hobi who were also in the room weren't listening. "Revenge? Nice touch, didn't expect it from you though." "Ehm. No. Not revenge. But I do need to put something inside." Jimin seemed confused but soon curiosity took over, he had never been good at hiding his feelings. And he was also the one I expected to know the other guy's locker combinations. Maybe because he was nosy, but mainly because everyone trusted him. "What's in it for me?" I rolled my eyes, then laughed. "Honour." He pretended to think about it for a second before pulling me with him to the lockers, quickly fiddling around with the lock and then proudly opening it. Quickly I grabbed the sticky notes and stuck them to the inside of the door, one after another as if this was an American High School movie. Okay, I didn't want to think about that too much, then I would get less convinced by the idea. But when I finally stuck the 'I miss you, too' one in the middle and looked at my work I was happy with it. Jimin pretended not to read, but his cheeks were red from excitement and after we had locked up he hugged me from behind before running off. "Oh. It's hugging time?" Tae asked and looked absolutely serious and I couldn't help but nod. Seconds later he had wrapped me with his arms, Hobi had followed suit a little later, moving his arms around Tae. When the door opened at exactly that moment and Namjoon and Jin stepped inside my eyes met Jin's right away. "Jesus, what is going on here?" He asked, but seemed more amused than anything. "Nothing." I replied with a smile and tried to get out of the room as quickly as possible. As happy as the thought of Jin seeing the notes made me... I couldn't be there for it.