Disclaimer: While I don't own the rights or characters to either of these shows, it sure would be cool if I did, right?
Chapter 1
11:15 AM. TUESDAY.
"Goddamnit Frank, are almost there?" a man asked. "Oh my God, Mac. Asking Frank if we're any closer to this damn cemetery every fifteen minutes isn't going to help us!" a woman shrilly chirped. The man and the women were joined by two other men, all of whom were driving in a Range Rover through Colorado. The woman, Dee, was gangly and blonde with blue eyes that were wide open like an ostrich and next to her was a bald, short, bespeckled man in his sixties known as Frank. The man driving the Range Rover was a handsome brown-haired man with a chiseled jaw named Dennis and in the passenger seat was a bearded man with wet, slicked back brown hair and a black cutoff t-shirt whose name was Mac.
As the car passed a billboard welcoming them to Greendale, Colorado, they hit a pothole and as the car jumped up, a thud from the back of the car was heard, followed by a sluggish groan. "Also, why the hell did we have to bring Charlie with us? Isn't he afraid of going outside of Philly?", Dee chimed in. "I told you Dee, we have a paradigm; Looks, brains, muscle, wildcard, useless chick", Mac answered. "We don't know what's going to happen here in Colorado. There's hippies and liberals here, we need all hands on deck." "Oh my God, shut up, please", Dennis exploded. "We're here in Greendale because one of Frank's old business partners that screwed him over lives here and his dad is buried in a cemetery here with some of his gold or Confederate money and an ivory wig or something and we're going to rob his grave to get back at him." "Hey Dennis, can we stop by a liquor store yet? I haven't had anything to drink since yesterday", Mac requested. "Well, that's because when you three idiots weren't busy chloroforming Charlie, you were drinking the whole 24 pack we brought along", Dee scolded. "Shut up, bird", Frank retorted. The two other men cheered and high-fived each other. "Hey! there he is", Mac proclaimed.
"Oh shit, turn here", Frank declared as Dennis followed suit. "Frank, that sign's pointing towards a community college, why the hell do we have to go there", Mac asked. "Well, I don't know where the cemetery", Frank began before he was interrupted by the irritated and frustrated groans of the others. "We drove all the way to Colorado before you bothered to tell us you don't know where the cemetery is", Dee yelled. "As I was saying", Frank continued. "I don't know where the cemetery is, but that son of a bitch Pierce Hawthorne goes to school here and I figured he'd know where it is." "Oh, so we're supposed to take the word of some old man who's a student at a goddamn community college, huh? Is that it, Frank", Dee snapped. "Right here", Frank announced as the car came to a halt in the parking lot of Greendale Community College.
The rest of the Gang got out of the Range Rover while Mac went to the back of the car and opened the trunk. Bursting out of the trunk was a man wearing a green military jacket, a worn-out t-shirt and jeans and a black bag over his head who screamed in agitation. Mac proceeded to take the bag off his head to reveal a scruffy, brown-haired man with wide, crazed eyes who the Gang all knew as Charlie. "Woah! Where are we", Charlie screamed. "We're in Colorado, Charlie", Mac answered. "Colorado?! Like, with the mountains and weed and stuff", Charlie inquired with wonder. "Yes Charlie, the place with the weed and mountains and junk, but we need you to focus right now", Mac retorted. "Wait… how many times did you guys chloroform me on the way here", Charlie asked as he stretched out. "That's not important, Charlie. What matters is that we got you here and the paradigm is intact", Dennis replied. "Now…", Frank began as he conjured a snub-nosed revolver from his pants to the shock of his cohorts. "Who's ready to get that rat bastard?!" "Holy shit Frank, you can't bring a gun in here", Dee exclaimed. "Why not?" "Because we're at a goddamn community college, you old cretin", Dennis shouted. "Ah well," Frank said as he put the gun back in his pants. "I'm keeping this thing heated." As he put the gun away, he found something in his pocket that led him to rummage around before his hand emerged with a lint-covered deviled egg. "Look at that, I found an egg", Frank joyfully announced as he took a bite out of his treasure.