Chapter 2
All was normal for the Study Group. They were in their study room to study but, as usual, they did more talking than they did actually studying. The group was made up of Jeff Winger, a handsome former lawyer, Annie Edison, a young bookish brunette brimming with determination, Troy Barnes, a former football player filled with childlike wonder, his best friend Abed Nadir, a film buff who was probably autistic, Shirley Bennett, a mother of two who could switch from Christian kindness to threatening sass with unnatural ease, Britta Perry, a kind idealist who everyone loved despite her tendency to "Britta" things up, and Pierce Hawthorne, an old man who had finally found a family who loved him seven divorces later.
"So… Troy, Abed; how was the new Avengers movie? I took my boys to see it and they had a swell time", Shirley thoughtfully asked. "It was pretty good. The only thing that confused was how they recast Edward Norton as the Hulk with Mark Ruffalo and why it took Marvel so long to get it right", Abed calculatingly replied. "Yeah, the movie was sweet! Scarlett Johansson was hot", Troy added. "Ooh, that's… nice, I suppose", Shirley conflictedly acknowledged. "See, now I don't get why superhero movies have to sexualize their characters. People come to those to watch people save the day, not striptease", Britta replied. "You see, Britta", Jeff began. "These superhero movies are probably the closest comic book fans will get to fulfilling their wildest, darkest fantasies and the filmmakers know it." "I mean, hey, if some nerd wants to squirt one out while he's watching some broad shoot some pistols at an alien, that's fine by me", Pierce chimed in to the disgust of the rest of the Study Group. "…This was at a skinshow establishment, right", Pierce asked. "What's a 'skinshow establishment'? Is it a taxidermy museum? I don't like taxidermy animals, their eyes are soulless and scary", Troy inquired. "Pierce", Annie called out before going down to a whisper to save Pierce from embarrassment. "We… we don't have 'skinshow' theatres anymore, those are a bit… antiquated." "Are you calling me old", Pierce asked Annie.
Before Annie could defend herself, a bespeckled bald man dressed as what could best described as "a sexy Indiana Jones" entered the study room. The Study Group turned around, somehow without an ounce of surprise or shock on their face. In their third year of being a study group, they had all gotten used to Dean Craig Pelton's habit of barging into the room wearing an outrageous outfit to give some obscure announcement. "Hidy-ho, students! InDEANana Jones here", Dean Pelton gleefully introduced himself. "Just letting you know that tonight is archeology professor Alvin Martin's visitation. His wife passed away twenty years ago, his kids never talked to him, and his friends are long dead, so ANYONE attending the visitation would mean the world to our school's image." The Study Group looked at each other a bit sorrowfully as Shirley and Annie both "aw"-ed in sadness. "Also, Pierce, we have some visitors who are here to see you all the way from Philadelphia, how exciting! I'll send them on in", Dean Pelton exclaimed as he left the room.
As soon as Dean Pelton left the room, Pierce dashed under the table and crawled into a fetal position, wailing in hysterics. "Oh God! Oh no, no NO," Pierce cried. "Pierce, what's wrong", Annie asked as she got out of her chair and went down to Pierce's eye level. "He's coming! Oh God, I KNEW I should've paid him back!" "Paid who back, Pierce", Britta asked. "Frank Reynolds! We met each other in Columbia and we started a side business when we got back to the States. I asked him for a loan so I could try to convince my dad to merge our company with Hawthorne Wipes… but I spent it all on pills instead!" "Yeah, that sounds right", Jeff chimed in. "Pierce, what were you doing in Columbia", Troy asked. "I went there to go on an Ayahuasca trip… I ended up going on a coke binge instead." "Yeah, that ALSO sounds right", Jeff snarked. "Jeff", Annie exclaimed.
But before Annie could finish scolding Jeff, Dean Pelton returned to the room with Frank, Dee, Dennis, Mac, and Charlie. "Pierce, your friends are here!" "Pierce, you sack of shit, where are you", Frank rabidly yelled as he brandished his revolver yet again and cocked the hammer back as the Study Group and Dean Pelton screamed. "GodDAMNIT, Frank", Mac exclaimed and he physically made Frank lower his gun, but not before accidentally shooting a hole into the floor, causing the Study Group to scream for their lives and take cover while Dean Pelton ran to the corner of the room and rocked back and forth. "Holy SHIT, Frank", Dee yelled. "Frank, gimme the gun, man", Charlie requested as he extended his hand. After a moment of silent deliberation, Frank sullenly put the gun in Charlie's hand, who then put it in his pants. "Well, that's… that's just lovely, Frank. Well done", Dennis sarcastically commented. "Alright, um… who here is Pierce Hawthorne?" A few seconds of stillness filled the room before Pierce's shaking hand slowly rose up from under the table as the Study Group turned towards him with shock on their faces. "Alright, great. Um, I'm Dennis Reynolds and this is my sister Deandra, no relation to Frank even though we were raised by that gremlin of a man…", Dennis began. "And then this is Mac…" "Yo", Mac announced as he rose his hand. "And this is Charlie, who MIGHT actually be Frank's son, but we honestly really don't know." "Hi", Charlie piped up as he waved his hand.
More silence followed. Finally, Jeff was the first to speak. "Alright then… Um… I'm Jeff Winger, this is Annie…" "Hi", Annie nervously announced as she hesitantly waved her hand. "Uh, Britta, Troy, Abed, Shirley… and I take it from the gunshot that you already know who Pierce is." Dean Pelton could barely be heard whimpering as he continued rocking in the corner. "Oh, and that's Dean Pelton. He is somehow in charge of this school." Upon realizing that Dean Pelton was still in the room, Abed's hand shot up. "Yes, Abed", Dean Pelton commented. "Can I have my whip and hat back", Abed asked. "Oh! Yes, of course. Thank you for letting me borrow them", Dean Pelton answered as he walked up and handed the whip and hat back to Abed. "And you don't have to worry about getting head lice from me because…" Dean Pelton commented as he patted his own bald head. "Cool", Abed replied. "Cool cool cool."
As Dean Pelton scurried out the room, Jeff looked back up at the Gang. "So, what brings you… fine folks to Greendale all the way from Philly?" "That rat bastard Pierce SWINDLED me", Frank defiantly declared. "You said you were gonna pay me back! What the hell did you do with the money? Did you even tell your old man about our business offer?!" "I, um… I spent it all on ludes", Pierce hesitantly answered. Silence followed "You WHAT", Frank yelled in horror "You spent twenty grand on ludes and you didn't bother to SHARE any with me?! The hell's the matter with you?!" "I know, I'm sorry", Pierce sobbed. "Tell you what; you tell me where your old man is buried, we lute his rotting corpse, and we call it even." The Study Group all exclaimed in horror and disgust. "Sir, that is not very Christian-like", Shirley stated. "Yeah, I'm gonna have to actually side with… Shirley, right?" "Shirley nodded. "Yeah, I'm gonna have to side with Shirley on this. I don't want to go to Hell for your guys's sins." "Aw, that's nice", Shirley commented as she realized there was another devout Christian in her presence. "Shirley", Britta scolded "What? It's nice being in a room with someone who actually believes in something." Annie and Britta turned to look at Shirley, visibly shocked by what she had just said. "Oh, that was mean, I'm so sorry. Guns make me nervous." The two nonverbally forgave Shirley as they patted her on the back in comfort.
"Now… as the brains of this group, I suggest we come up with another plan", Mac explained. "Just like Ghostbuster. Cool. Cool cool cool", Abed commented. "Yes, exactly like Ghostbusters", Mac shouted joyfully. "Let me guess… since you're the Brains, Dennis is the Looks even though he THINKS he's the Brains, Charlie is the Wildcard, Frank is the Muscle, and Dee is the Useless Chick." "Holy shit, yes! Yes, the Arab gets it! High-five, man!" The rest of the Study Group muttered disapprovingly of Mac's politically incorrect words. "It's OK, guys. I'm only half Arab, therefore only half offended", Abed reassured the Study Group as he high-fived Mac as Troy looked on in horror. "With all due respect, Mac… Even though you are the brains of your… gang, this problem revolves around Pierce and since you're on our territory, I think we should have a say in how we continue this problem." Charlie scoffed. "Man, that's such a Hawkeye thing to say." "Oh hey, that's a MASH reference, I got that! Gimme some", Troy exclaimed as he went up to give Charlie a high-five. As Troy walked back, he looked Abed right in the eyes and mouthed "we need to talk later."
"Now, I think we need to take this somewhere else after class befo-", Jeff began before Frank cut him off. "Uh-uh. NO WAY. I'm not gonna let Pierce get an excuse to get out of my sight and walk out on me like last time! We are staying HERE!" "But, we have class in fifteen minutes", Annie protested. "Hey, you. Rain Man", Dee said. "Gimme your schedule." Abed did in fact bring a paper copy of schedule from out of his backpack and handed it over to Dee. "Now, I think we should enroll into school here JUST for today, and be in every class with these geeks so we don't lose sight of them so Frank doesn't cry like a baby." "Holy shit, Dee, that is a legitimately awesome plan", Charlie proclaimed as the rest of the Gang nodded and mumbled in agreement. "Look who's useless now", Dee proudly declared. "And you ruined it. Goddamnit, Dee", Mac retorted. "Stupid bird", Frank muttered. Troy snickered. "She does kinda look like a bird", Troy said before he continued laughing. "Aw, damn", Jeff cursed. "We're gonna need a bigger table." "Nice Jaws reference", Abed quipped. "Not now, Abed."