"Five truth-seeking orb specials! Sweet sauce on the side please, nya!"

How did it come to this? How could he, a descendant of the original devil, be in such a low position in life. He should have been out in the world, fighting those that the world had vaulted as being strong while plotting the death of his grandfather. He should have been adorned in the midnight armor of his sacred gear, unstoppable and immutable.

Instead, he was wearing an apron.

"Vali, truth-seeking or-"

"I heard you the first time, woman."

He hands came down hard on the counter while the words left his mouth in a loud yell. His actions earned him some attention from some of the closer customers. Their gazes ran over his body with earnest yet he could not care less. Their looks were as insignificant as their existence. They never nothing of his life, his struggle and his de-

"You're the devil that Master Candy defeated, freed from hatred and filled with his love."

The sound of a child's voice should be a welcoming thing. It's soft tone and excited nature should have filled him with a feeling of such fondness that even he would not have been able to keep a smile off of his face.

At that moment, he was nothing but disgusted.

His head turned to face the child. His eyes drunk in the sight of a young boy-at least he figured that it was a boy-no older than the age of nine or ten standing inches away from the counter. The remnants of a dessert, one the devil had most likely prepared himself, sat on his face and his beige shirt.

"What did you say?"

The disgust that filled him dripped from his words. Any adult in the vicinity would have reprimand him on the tone of his voice, saying it was much too harsh to use on a budding child. If one of them dared opened their mouth, he would've directed that same voice to them. At that moment, he did not care. After what the boy said, he was far from caring.

"I thought the comics were fake. I never thought I would see you here."

Before the young child could lift his comic to his head, Vali had reached over the counter and snatched it out of his hand. If the boy was bothered by action, the devil would never know as he was too focused flipping through the page's.

"No, no, no, no, no."

He repeated the word over and over again, his inner conscious hoping that it would have some type of power to banish the horrid images he held in his hands. But, no matter how much he willed it, the comic wouldn't disappear.

The frames in front of him depicted an image he could only describe as an overly exaggerated retelling of his encounters with Naruto. In this version, he wasn't Vali Lucifer, descendant of Satan and partner to Albion. Instead, he was Vali-chan, a misguided devil who hid his true emotions under a thin veil of aloofness. Despite the utter ridiculousness of his portrayal, the devil couldn't help but notice the accuracy of the actual events taking place in the comic strip. Everything from their initial battle to his humiliating defeat was on full display with all of their detail. Details no one should of had.

Except for…

Azazel and Odin. His self-proclaimed supernatural set of extraordinary dads. Those two were the only one who would have had the amount of insight to his misfortune needed for the comic to exist. The information hadn't left him willingly. The fallen angel and God had been persistent in their pestering of him for information.

"Now I know why."

The two had gotten close. At the time, he hadn't questioned their sudden interest in each other. Now, he wished he would have inquired more. Maybe it would've saved him from this embarrassment.

No. He gave a wild shake of his head. The moment he had stepped into the blond's life he had subjected himself to it. There was no denying that. The feeling had been tame at first, nearly unnoticeable. Now, he could do nothing but face the facts. He had been pulled into Naruto's gravitational field of chaos and there was no escaping it. Neither Odin nor Azazel would be able to help him. Those two bastard were partly the cause of his current misfortune.

"Vali! Desserts please!"

He stifled a groan. Complaining would do him no good. If he wasn't allowed back into the Grigori or the Valhalla until he served his time in this insufferable place. For now he would have to bear it.

It was with that thought that he tightened his apron and began working. The sweet balls weren't going to make themselves. And if he had any hopes of returning to a life that was somewhat normal, he needed to knead.

The United States of America. The land of the free. The birthplace of opportunity. The house of Uncle Sam.

And, his getaway from his hectic life.

As the sun shone down on his shirtless form, wrapping the entirety of his body in a cocoon of warmth, he knew he had made the right decision. The golden beaches of California, despite the utterly ridiculous amount of people occupying them, was much calmer than Kuoh. The trouble of sneaking into the country was nothing compared to the relaxation he was experiencing.

"This is nice."

"Yeah, it is."

He looked over to his right to see his swimsuit-clad girlfriend staring at him through a pair of black sunglasses. Her shoulder length hair sat back in a messy bun while the front side of her pale body laid against the golden sand.

He thought she looked amazing.

At that moment, he didn't feel like vocalizing his opinion so he did the next best thing. In one smooth motion, he rolled over onto his side while swinging his arm over the girl's body. She was powerless, or not motivated enough, to stop him as he tightened his hold on her, pulling her until they were touching sides.

"It's too hot."

Despite her protests, Koneko didn't make any moves to separate herself from the boy. She did quite the opposite, snuggling deep into his unclothed side. Behind the dark lenses of her sunglasses, her eyes came to a close while a sigh left her lips. That sigh contained a sense of contentment that only Naruto could bring. Without the distractions in Kuoh, she had nothing but time to enjoy this feeling.

"Father."

Her eyes cut upward at the sound the voice. The sight of Lilith clad in polka dot covered black and white swimsuit greeted her. The young dragon held onto a parasol that threw a pool of shade over her body, protecting her from the harsh rays of the Californian sun.

"Do I have your permission to build a castle out of sand? I will be sure to stay in your sights."

Lilith had come with her. She had admittedly forgotten about that considering how quiet the girl tended to be. Despite the power she contained, the girl acted like a docile mouse.

Unless, her father came under threat, of course.

"Sure, sure."

She shouldn't have been so happy to see the smile that appeared on Lilith's face but she couldn't help it. The amount of value and care the young dragon held in Naruto's was adorable beyond belief. It was no different from a child interacting with their parent.

The fact that it wasn't aimed in a romantic or sexual way was a definite benefit.

The dragon gave a small nod before taking a step away from the couple. The girl managed a whole nine other steps away from the two before she settled into the sand and began working on her creation.

"That's the furthest she's been away from me since we rescued her."

The statement sounded ridiculous but Koneko knew that there was validity in her boyfriend's words. Lilith acted like a mixture of a cute little girl who craved the affection of her father and an obsessive bodyguard. The sight of her sat at the foot of the bed had become a routine thing for the two.

"She enjoys her proximity to you."

A couple of weeks ago, she would have at least jumped at the sudden intrusion of a voice. After weeks of interruptions and absolute chaos, she was numb to it all. That was why her reaction to Ophis talking over of their shoulder was a slow and simple turning to face the dragon.

The god stood in a bathing suit similar to the one worn by her clone. Where Lilith's clothed came in the form of a one piece, Ophis' bathing suit appeared as a modest two piece that exposed a sliver of her pale stomach and the entirety of her limbs.

The thing that capped the dragon's outfit off was a hat. It was no ordinary hat. It's brim stretched across the entirety of her body and much more. Where Lilith had her umbrella, Ophis had her massive hat. Both objects provided an excessive amount of coverage from the sun.

"I will go assist her."

Naruto gave a silent nod of acknowledgment to the dragon's words before watching her make her way over to Lilith. The cat-ninja duo watched as the older dragon sat herself down near the uncompleted side of her clone's developing sand castle. The look of shock that appeared on Lilith's face at the sight of her mother brought a small smile to the Nekoshou's face. The subsequent joy that followed that shock only made that smile grow in size.

"They're both sorts of cute in a weird way when they act like that."

Her agreement came in the form of a hum while she moved to push herself closer to Naruto. Despite the increasing heat and accompanying sweat, the blond's touch had never felt more comforting.

"Travel more?"

"Yeah, we should."

With their future vacation plans cemented by five simple words, the two descended into silence. The forefront of their vision was filled with the sight of the two dragons constructing an impressive sand castle while crashing waves sat in the background. The waves were impressive in their own right, growing and growing till they stood several stories tall. But even nature couldn't keep up the momentum of their growth, leading the waves to their eventual death. The echoing noise that accompanied beaches; children playing, adults laughing and general enjoyment, was drowned out by the ambient sound of their own breathing. At that moment, the connection shared between them couldn't have been ruined by anything.

At least, that's what they thought.

"Shark! There's a shark in the water!"

This. Moments exactly like this was why he had a hard time believing God was dead. Moments like this happened to the average person every once in awhile, not every other day like it had been doing for him. It couldn't be some odd and misfortunate coincidence. Someone had to be purposely bringing this hell down on him.

Out of all the people on the beach, their little group of four were the only calm ones. The shared emotion between them all seemed to be annoyance. For a God, her clone, a devil, and a ninja; a shark was not a threat.

It was a simple annoyance.

"I will kill all sharks for ruining all of this."

In the chaos that had consumed the beach, Lilith's impassioned words came off as more amusing than threatening to Naruto as he unwrapped himself from Koneko, an act that the girl didn't enjoy. He pushed himself up to his before giving his limbs a long stretch, filling the air with the loud pop and crack of his joints. He finished his stretch with a soft sigh before bending down and lifting Koneko to her feet.

"Let's not kill the sharks. They were here first."

It was moments like this one that Naruto was grateful for the chaos that this universe had thrown at him. While everyone around him had been consumed in panic, he felt calm. A shark attack was nothing compared to the stress of fighting gods.

"That does give them the right to interrupt our time."

He shook his head at the dragon's words. There would be no convincing. The threat of being eaten alive by a shark wasn't real to the pseudo dragon-god. He couldn't blame her either.

"Well, they're shutting down the beach." His eyes cut over to the approaching police and coastal guards. "We could go back to the hotel for a bit or we cou-"

"Someone help! My daughter is in the water."

He turned his head the moment the sound reached his ears. In retrospect, that was his first mistake. He should have let the matter be.

He would have saved himself a lot of trouble if he did.

At the sight of the panicking mother, he was already on the move. It took him only a second afterward to locate the struggling girl. She sat a hundred feet away in the water. Her flailing arms were the only things of her that could be spotted over the crashing waves.

With his mind so intent on saving the girl, he neglected his initial idea of keeping a low profile. The approaching policemen and guard caught a first-hand sight of him running across the water toward the girl. Of course, the only thing they managed to see was a golden blur skidding across the water. The slapping of his feet against its surface threw up a spray of shimmering mist, filling the air with rainbows.

He came skidding to a stop to the side of the girl in an instant. Without any hesitation, he reached down and dug his arm into the water. His arm wrapped around the writhing waist of the distressed girl before he pulled upward.

"What?"

He pulled again. Just like before, the girl didn't move an inch. Her golden eyes were focused on him, her arms were still waving about and her mouth was still open yet she wouldn't move.

"Wh-"

He was an idiot.

As she watched the young girl leap out of the water, wrap her arms around Naruto's outstretched arm before descending back into the water, pulling the boy down with her. Koneko managed to spot a glimpse of the golden scales that made up the faux drowning girl's lower half before she disappeared beneath the water's surface with her boyfriend.

"He fell for an obvious trap."

Koneko leaned back and let loose a sigh. The feeling was cathartic in a sense but it couldn't completely quell the frustration of her boyfriend's kidnapping.

"Think before you act."

She couldn't help but shake her head. Ophis was right. A dragon god, one of the most socially inept beings she had ever encountered, had more common sense than her boyfriend. She would've have thought that Naruto would have learned by now with all the chaos he had been through.

"Remind me to…"

She stopped. It was barely past noon so why had it turned so dark so sudden.

She looked over to her right. Ophis didn't seem to be the cause. The dragon stood at her side, her arms folded across her chest while her eyes stared out over the water. With her massive hat and sunglasses, the dragon probably hadn't taken notice of the change in light.

She looked over to her left and quickly discovered the source of the oddity. Lilith was no longer standing next to her. In fact, Lilith could be seen anywhere on the beach.

"This is troublesome."

The Nekoshou thoughts came moments before a roar echoed through the air. The sound seized the girl, freezing her in place. It held her, whispering a soft serenade of the trouble that laid in that roar. She tried to shake her head free but the feeling persisted even as another roar stretched across the beach.

She dared a glance upward. Regret filled her in an instant. The blue skies that the sun had shone through minutes before were gone. What obscured it wasn't a bank of clouds or passing plane like she had hoped. Instead, she managed to catch an eyeful of the underbelly of a massive dragon before she looked away.

She didn't want to believe it. Why would she? The existence of that dragon flying above her head only meant more trouble on top of the foreseeable mess that would come from Naruto's capture.

"Impressive."

Koneko looked over to Ophis to see that the dragon had her head tilted back and was looking at the overhead dragon. From the corner of her eye, she could spot a light twinkle in the god's eye. It was hard to discern, considering Ophis' lack of emotion, but something was there. It was warm, appreciating…

Almost as if she was proud.

Pride outside of herself wasn't something Koneko thought she was ever see coming from the dragon. Now that she had saw it, she was hoping it would go away as soon as possible.

Another screech from the dragon's maw forced the devil's attention. A moment later, her arm came up to shield her eyes as a strong flap of the creature's wind sent the sand around her flying. Ophis remained next to her, unmoving and unperturbed by the shifting sands.

"She's going in."

Koneko peeked out from behind her arm at Ophis' words. True to the dragon's statement, her clone positioned herself toward the water below. Another roar leapt from her mouth, filling the air with palpable anger. The roar echoed through the air as the dragon folded her wings against her side and descended toward the water.

She watched as the creature's massive form fell to the water. It was only when the dragon's head broke through the surface of the water did the Nekoshou realize the possible aftermath of Lilith's entry into the water.

A plume of water shot high into the air as Lilith shot through the water. Splashes of water were sent crashing through the air at the dragon's dive. A particular spray of water threatened to soak the Nekoshou and Ophis. Before the high-powered mist could hit the girls, a massive black snake interjected itself in front of the duo. The mist slammed against the creature, leaving the girls dry.

"Thank you."

Koneko didn't have to look to her side to know that Ophis was the origin behind the black snake. No many other people on this beach could summon such a creature.

"...Should we go after him?"

Before Koneko could reply, the surface of the water was torn apart by a massive pillar of dark energy. The appearance of the pillar brought upon a strong gust that had Ophis hanging on to her hat.

"I think they're good for now."

He had no idea where they were heading. He only knew that wherever this creature was taking him, it wouldn't take long. His kidnapper was no slouch when it came to speed.

"Not going to try and break free?"

Kurama's voice broke through the screech of rushing water that had filled his ears. A simple shake of his head answered his partner's question before he took a look down at his kidnapper.

"Embrace and make the best out of a situation."

Only a week later and he was finding it hard to embrace the Buddha's words. The golden eyes and sharp row of teeth upon his assailant's face made that task so much more difficult than it had to be. It was hard to embrace the world when half of the forces that rule over it wanted to kill him.

Though, he had a feeling he wasn't being dragged to his eventual death … this time. Maybe it was the fact that the sharp fangs were attached to a girl who looked no older than ten or maybe it was because of Siddhartha's words. Either way, he wasn't particularly panicked about his current situation.

As he expected, his kidnapper and himself reached their destination in a matter of moments after his brief exchange with Kurama. The water obscured his vision to the point where having his eyes open was pointless but he felt the shift in the area around him. No longer was he surrounded by the crushing weight of the water.

Instead, he was freefalling.

The sage's aura came to life around him in an instant without a moment of hesitation. God. He was becoming used to it all. The marble floor that laid beneath him wasn't a surprise. The golden statues that lined the open-ceiling room didn't come as a shock either. Not even the massive trident wielding man waving at him from a cerulean throne could shake at him at this point.

"Naruto! You came!"

"I didn't have a choice, ya know."

A month ago, the fear of angering a God would have made him keep that comment locked inside the recesses of his mind. Today though, he was a changed man.

Shed your skin and begin anew.

"We can finally finish our conversation."

His feet met the ground without a sound. The golden chakra of the Sage kept his movements muted but announced his presence to the world like a beacon. The lines of his face were hard, cemented in a scowl that contrasted the silliness radiating off of the Greek God.

"We already finished. I said no."

A laugh. That's what his response was. The God laughed in his face. A hearty, chest heaving laugh that managed to fill the room with its sound and amusement.

That laugh pissed him off.

"Our last conversation was rushed. I'm sure if I sat down and explai-"

"No."

That single word stopped the god right in his tracks. He could admit to himself that he took a little too much pleasure in watching the happiness drop from Poseidon's face. Watching the curve of the man's lips shift into a hard, straight line shouldn't have made him that happy. Yet, it did.

"I don't care what crap you gods are trying to do. I don't want any part in it."

A part of him urged him to take into account just where exactly he was. He stood, assumingly, beneath several thousand feet of water, surrounded by a God and his lackeys. The same part urged him to play along, to just give the god what he wanted.

That part was being promptly ignored.

"You can take your plans and shove them up your ass."

Okay, that may have been a bit far. He realized that as the words were leaving his mouth but for the life of him, he couldn't find the willpower to stop talking. By the time he finished speaking, he stood with a stupid grin on his face while Poseidon…

"You are just as stupid as my brother."

The god was not happy. Not one bit. The sour expression on his face was a good tip off to this but the harsh tone the man had taken up really tipped Naruto off to the god's mood.

"When presented with the chance to change the order of the world, you refuse like a child."

Naruto became aware of the height difference between himself and the god while the man rose from his throne. It was hard not to when he was eye level with the man's crotch. He craned his neck upward to keep his eye locked with the anger-filled, golden ones of the Earthshaker.

"There's no grief in smiting you." As the words left the god's mouth, the blond raised himself onto the ball's of his feet. He could feel the violent swirl of water coming from behind him, reminding him that he was as deep as he could be in the god's territory. Any chance of him escaping would be gone if he didn't give it his all.

"Why do I keep getting stuck in these situations?"

"I'm sure Hades' scythe would look splendid in my hands."

Without any warning, an explosion of water slammed into the blond's back, pushing him forward toward the god. The god didn't stand by idle, drawing his golden trident into view. The golden tips of the weapon looked deadly in the cerulean-tinted room. Naruto had no doubts that a single thrust by the god would skewer him alive.

He had no plans on letting that happen.

The act of moving was difficult with the oppressing water around him but he didn't need to move to wield his best weapon. As he surged toward Poseidon, one of his truth-seeking balls flashed toward the god. The ball left behind a pocketed streak of burning air as it evaporated its way through the water toward the sea god. The orb slammed into the golden chest plate covering the god's gold, beating heart. Unlike many times before, that heart remained beating. The armor held true against the impact of the orb, sending the god stumbling god while forcing the sphere to rebound off of its golden surface.

"That crippled genius has done it again!" Poseidon roared while recovering his balance. A grin stretched across his lips before he attempted to beat his fist against the armor. The grin disappeared off of his face when his own fist broke through the gold.

"That useless cripp-"

The god's words turned into an unintelligible huff of air when the bottom of Naruto's foot broke through the armor and slammed into his chest. The man was lifted off of his feet before a golden arm forced his back against the ground.

"Boy, you are powerless!"

Despite the water slowing his movement, the next fist that slammed into the god's mouth silenced him. It was hard to talk with a mouth full of blood. Though, just because he couldn't talk didn't mean the god didn't attack. Poseidon proved that point when another surge of water threw the blond across the room.

"This is my domain, Naruto. Any moves you think you're making are only possible because I allow it."

To the blond, the god's words came off as a bit muted with the line of blood dribbling from his mouth and the eroding hole in his armor.

Though, that didn't stop him from realizing the specks of truth littering the god's words. He was in the man's territory, a territory that his opponent could control with a whim.

"I don't want to deal with this right now."

It was moments like these that he really did not want to be a god. He wanted to be a regular guy with a guardian angel that could swoop in and rescue him from this situation.

"I doubt Michael would ever give you a guardian angel."

The truth stung, especially when it came out of the snarky mouth of his resident fox. He would have sent back a comment of his own, nowhere near as snarky, if it weren't for the giant surging toward him.

"Give me-"

Just like the god would be moments later, the rest of his sentence was swallowed up by a floor-rattling shriek. Poseidon turned his head at the sound of the shriek, just barely managing to catch a glimpse of a set of ethereal purple colored teeth before they tore into his body.

To say the god's death was horrific would be an understatement to the blond. One moment the man had been surging toward him with intent to skewer him and in the next moment, the left side of the man's body was trapped between in the jaw of a massive dragon.

It wasn't very hard for Naruto to identify the dragon as Lilith. Despite how hectic his life had grown it still hadn't gotten to the point where he encountered more than a handful of dragons. The sight of the girl sitting with a scowl in the construct's head only affirmed his train of thought.

He managed to catch only a small glimpse of Lilith's scowl before the dragon construct tore its head away. Unfortunately for Poseidon, who had the misfortune of being stuck in the dragon's jaw at that moment, the action freed him of his left arm, leg and a good chunk of flesh. Golden blood spilled onto the stone floor while the god collapsed onto the ground in a billowing heap of flesh.

With gold dripping down its maw, the dragon pointed its head toward the injured Poseidon while opening its mouth wide. So intense was his pain that the god didn't even notice Lilith's descending form before the remainder of his body was firmly in the dragon's mouth.

Due to the translucent quality of the dragon's skin, Naruto had a front row seat of watching Lilith swallow the god whole-as whole as one could be with half of their body gone-with ease. In the belly of the beast's, the god's suffering seemed to reach an apex if his intense writhing was anything to go by. Naruto watched through the dragon's body while pieces of Poseidon's body disintegrated from view. Before long any trace of the god was gone, erased by the toxic that was Lilith's energy.

"Father."

He couldn't help but cringe at that word. It did not sound right coming out of the dragon's mouth. While Lilith's usual voice had grown on him, the gruff and distorted voice she gained in her dragon form had not done the same.

"Are you okay?"

If anyone had been remaining in the room, he mused, they would have found the sight of a towering dragon calling him it's father and questioning his safety completely ridiculous. They would have been right too. He knew any simple, normal person would be justified in thinking just that. And he knew that because of the fact that the thing that bothered him most about his current situation was the girl's voice he was nowhere near nor normal.

"When have you ever been?"

Never. That was the damning answer. From the first breath he took, things had never been normal. He would have laughed at the past version of him who thought he could lead a simple if it wasn't so fresh in his mind.

"It was nice to pretend for a bit."

It was. But, he had grown to realize that the time for pretending was far gone. He was already in a complicated situation and he had no doubts that Poseidon's death would bring him more frustration in the future.

"I'm fine."

His reply to Lilith came accompanied with a grin. Complications were bound to come but when had they Not? He wouldn't let it get him done. Not now and never again.

"Let's go finish our vacation."

AN: Well, there we go. Another chapter in the book. Things continue to grow more ridiculous. Expect more absurdity and enjoy the rest of your nights. Review or PM me with any questions, concerns, comments, etc. Ciao.