Hey everyone, and welcome to my first ever fanfic! I'm nervous about this, because I'm not sure my writing is good, and I don't think my style is quite right, but I do enjoy writing, and I love reading fanfics too, so I guess this is my turn to publish in the hope that at least one person enjoys it.
I love the Marauders (well, three of them anyway) as do a lot of other fans, and because of that, I feel that this particular part is often overlooked and brushed off, so I wanted to explore it in a bit more detail. Based on the broken trust it would've involved, I believe it would have caused issues between the four of them, and this is me exploring that a bit.
I hope the format works out alright. It kind of starts after the event, and then goes into flashbacks, but hopefully it flows well.
Hope you enjoy it, and I appreciate any kind of feedback.
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine.
"Are you an idiot?" James roared, startling the other two in the dorm, after Sirius had told him what he had done. Peter cowered in the corner, not really wanting to bear the brunt of the apparent anger rising in James, but Sirius seemed to ignore it, instead still finding the situation funny.
Not waiting around to hear the news that their friend had attacked another student, James grabbed his wand, and headed for the door of their dormitory.
"James, where are you going?" Peter asked, the first time he had spoken since Sirius had returned to the dorm.
"Where do you think I'm going? I'm going to try and stop this mess he's made before it becomes serious. Remus will kill him."
"Erm...James. You can't go," Peter called out as James disappeared out of the dormitory. "Sirius, should we go after him? He hasn't mastered the transformation yet."
"No," Sirius replied, watching the door swing on its hinges after James' exit.
James ran as quickly as he ever had to get to the Whomping Willow before Snape did, only hoping that he was not already too late. Anger and worry were running through his thoughts, and he could scarcely think straight, but all he knew was that he had to stop Snape from entering the Shrieking Shack.
When he arrived at the gigantic tree, it was clear that Snape had already made his way through the passage, and James followed, his heart beating in apprehension, hoping he could catch his rival before he made a deadly mistake.
He ran up the stairs of the Shrieking Shack, and there at the top was a door, and Snape was about to open it.
"Snape! No!" But it was too late, Snape had already opened the door, just before James shouted, and he was now frozen in place, face to face with a creature that was as far from Remus as James thought possible. He had never seen the wolf, and he was not sure what to expect, but whereas Remus was a gentle soul, this creature before him was anything but. It was skinny, you could see it's ribs, and perhaps that was from a lack of food, but other than that, it was just as James had imagined a werewolf to be.
His claws were huge, as were his teeth, and his eyes looked nothing like his friends. James sprung into action as the wolf snarled at Snape, jumping in front of him as he transformed into a majestic stag.
He was stronger than the wolf, perhaps due to the lack of food meaning he had little strength, but the wolf put up a fight, desperate at the smell of human blood. James' antlers gave him strength, and he was able to use them to fend off the wolf, who was fighting without thinking, almost flailing around, but James was quick and avoided the slashing of teeth and claws. He used the antlers to bat at the wolf, forcing him back into the room, and then one of his hooves connected with a leg.
The wolf howled in pain, and James could see straight away that the leg would be broken when he transformed back, but it slowed the wolf down enough to allow James to shut him in the room. He transformed back (successfully) and put a protection spell over the room, whilst the wolf banged against the now closed door. As he was doing so, James was murmuring apologies to his friend, but he knew that come morning, Remus would understand and be grateful for James' actions.
It was only then that James actually remembered Snape, who was further back, on the floor and clearly shocked. Putting whatever bad blood was between them aside for a moment, James offered him his hand, to help him rise. Snape stared at it for a moment, but took it and hauled himself back to his feet, and then the distance between the two rose once again, because of the words that Snape spoke.
"What on Earth do they have such a filthy creature at Hogwarts for?"
"Oi, I might have just saved your arse, but carry on talking about my friend like that and I will give you something to worry about."
"Saved me? Don't act like the hero, Potter. I know you were in on it too."
"Think what you want, Snape. I had no part in sending you down here," James replied, and left it at that, tired from his fight with the wolf.
He wanted to stay, so he could help his friend, but he knew Hagrid would be able to do a better job at getting him back to the castle. And, in any case, Dumbledore needed to be told of what had happened, so he followed Snape, who was muttering angrily to himself, back to the castle.
They were met at the gates by Professor McGonagall, Hagrid and Professor Slughorn, who had seemingly been alerted to the problem. Hagrid, headed straight towards the Whomping Willow, no doubt to be there when Remus woke, a fact that James appreciated because the thought of Remus, who would remember all that happened tonight, being alone when he woke broke his heart.
The two Professors flocked to the student from their respective House, and James could hear Snape angrily murmuring to Slughorn as they made their way to McGonagall's office.
"Sit, Potter," and he did as she asked. But she did not speak, not for several moments, but they felt like hours. Instead, she potted about, making the two of them cups of tea, and clearing her office of books that had been left scattered around.
"Well?" she prompted, but James had no word. "I was woken by a terrified Peter Pettigrew, who knocked on my door so hard I thought it might fall off, who then babbled something to me about Black tricking Snape into finding where Lupin hides himself during the full moon, and that Potter had gone to stop Snape from being hurt by Lupin because he can transform into a stag and can stop the wolf from harming anyone."
"So it was Peter who warned you?"
"Yes."
"I'm glad he did."
"So am I. Mr. Lupin will receive the care he needs from Hagrid and Madam Pompfrey, and it allowed me time to wake Professor Slughorn so he could speak to Severus as I am speaking to you now. And I will start with this question: Is Pettigrew right? Can you transform yourself into a stag."
"Yes, Professor."
With him admitting that he was an Animagus, McGonagall let out the most frustrated sigh he had ever heard from her.
"Potter, you have caused me some trouble over the last five years, but never something like this. Are you aware that it is illegal to be practicing such magic at your age?"
"Yes, Professor."
"And are you aware that all Animagi must be registered at the Ministry or they risk a sentence in Azkaban?"
"Yes, Professor."
"And yet you decided it was a good idea to proceed with it anyway?"
"Yes, Professor."
"Are you capable of saying anything else?"
"Yes, Professor," James replied once more, now unable to keep the small smirk from his face.
"I do not appreciate the jokes right now, Mr. Potter. This is a very serious situation we find ourselves in. My first question is very simple: Why would you risk practicing illegal magic?"
James weighed up his options, unsure on whether or not to come clean to McGonagall about what he, Sirius and Peter had been up to for several years. He was aware that McGonagall was within her rights to report him, and if so, he would face the consequences. But as of now, she was unaware that Sirius and Peter were also unregistered animagi and he would not betray them, not even to McGonagall. So, he made the decision to tell the truth, but leave some of it out.
"When I found out about Remus...I felt horrible for him. He had to go through that every month, all alone, ripping himself to shreds, and he's my friend. I wanted to help him, so I started to do some research on how I could do that, and I discovered that while deadly to humans, werewolves aren't a threat to animals. I thought that if I could transform into an animal, it would help him so I could be with him on the full moons to make sure he didn't attack himself. And make sure that when he woke in the morning, he wasn't alone.
"So, I spent the last three years dedicating my free time to researching everything I could to become an animagus. And I've nearly mastered it, Professor."
"Nearly?"
"Well, tonight was the first time I successfully transformed. The time before that, I ended up with an antler sticking out my head when I turned back. I had to stay in my dorm for two days, hiding away from the others until I managed to get them to disappear."
"And do the other two know?"
"No," he said, without hesitation. If she knew he was lying, she did not mention it.
"Professor Dumbledore is returning to Hogwarts as we speak. In the morning, I suspect he will want to speak with you so I suggest returning to your dormitory and getting a good sleep, if that is possible. You should also warn Mr. Black. Dumbledore will want a separate word with him."
"What will happen to him?"
"Sirius?"
"No, Remus?"
"Nothing. Madam Pompfrey will nurse him back to health and then he will return to classes as normal. As for Black, I suppose with only four weeks left of term before the Christmas break, he will be suspended."
"And what will happen to me?"
"Your secret is safe with me, Potter. I have kept Lupin's secret, and I will keep yours."
"But Snape-"
"Dumbledore will also speak with Severus. But I cannot say whether he will reveal what he saw."
After McGonagall allowed him to leave, James stormed back to his dormitory, hoping Sirius would be there.
"HOW COULD YOU?" James shouted, surprising Sirius as he reentered the dorm.
"It was a joke," Sirius said, with a small smirk on his face, trying to get James to join in, but all he could see was the red mist of anger. Clearly Sirius had still not realised the gravity of what he had done.
"A JOKE! A JOKE! SEVERUS COULD HAVE DIED TONIGHT BECAUSE OF YOUR JOKE!"
"It's only Snape."
"ONLY SNAPE!" James exploded even more, and Peter, who had been watching the whole exchange in silence, cowered into the corner at the sight of his friend angered. Even Sirius was now starting to back off. "I like the guy as little as you do, but I do not want him dead, particularly not at the hands of our friend. What about Remus? Did you ever think of him during your little joke? Some friend you are!"
"Look, mate, obviously I don't want Snape dead."
"Well, you could've fooled me. What else did you think sending him down there would do? DId you think Remus was going to play fetch with him?"
"I just wanted to scare him so he would stop prying into our business."
"And now thanks to you, he knows about Remus."
James went to bed, but hardly slept. He was tossing and turning all night. Unbeknownst to him, another fifth year Gryffindor had been made aware of the situation, as Peter had told Lily, in the hope that she could persuade Snape to not speak of what he saw. And Lily, as a friend to Remus, raced to Professor Slughorn's office, to meet Severus as he left.
And when the morning came around, she made sure that she was the first person that James saw.
"You should know that Severus will not speak a word of what he saw last night."
"How? How do you know?"
"Peter told me. He thought that I could convince Severus not to reveal any secrets, and he agreed."
"How did you get him to agree?"
"I asked him to. I've overlooked some horrible things he's done because he's been my best friend for so long, so I asked him to do this as a favour to me."
"For what it's worth, if it means Snape stays quiet, I'm glad Peter told you, even if a few too many people now know."
"I've known about Remus for a while. I figured it out, but I didn't say anything. But I didn't know you were an Animagus. And don't worry, I won't say anything either."
"Thank you, Lily. Really, I can't really explain…" James sort of trailed off, a weight off his shoulders. He knew Snape could not be trusted, but if Lily was the one to ask him to be quiet, he also knew that Snape would do as she asked.
"And thank you, for risking your own life."
"I didn't really do it for him," James replied. He would be lying if denied that part of the reason he went was to save Snape, but he questioned whether he would've done it had the wolf not been his best friend.
"I know, but thank you anyway...for both of them. Remus is my friend too."
The following morning, all three boys went to the hospital wing in the hope of seeing Remus, but Madam Pompfrey dismissed them quickly, telling them he was not feeling up to visitors. By later that afternoon though, he must have changed his mind, because McGonagall came to their dorm, announcing that Remus had been asking to see James and Peter.
"Professor?" Sirius asked, hurt that he was not included.
"He does not want to see you," she replied, and Sirius was left in the dormitory alone. It was at that moment, that Sirius truly realised the severity of what his actions could have caused, which in many ways, was selfish of him. It was only when he was affected by his actions that he realised he was wrong.
"But Professor Dumbledore has returned and he requests your presence," McGonagall added, and Sirius made his way to Dumbledore's office, knowing an end of term suspension was incoming.
Sirius walked alone through the streets of London. Having had time to reflect, he felt lucky that all he received was a four week suspension from Hogwarts, and not a permanent exclusion. He felt as lost as he ever had. Remus was still in hospital and refusing to see him, and James and Peter had barely spoken three words to him. And to make matters worse for him, after arriving back in London, he had nowhere to go.
His parents had kicked him out in the summer, and he had fled to the Potters, who had welcomed him with open arms. He knew if he went there, they would take him in, despite the fact that their son was angry with him, but he did not want to bother them while there was bad blood between James and himself. Out of options, he went to the only other person he could think of, though it had been a few years since he had seen her, as she tried to stay away from their family.
There was a wait when he knocked on the door, and he was starting to think this was a bad idea. He would only be a burden. But before he could leave, the door was opened by a woman in her twenties, similar in looks to himself.
"Sirius?" Andromeda said, shocked to see her younger cousin at her door without warning. "Aren't you supposed to be at school?"
"I'm sorry to bother you. I know you've got a lot to deal with, kid to look after, but I just can't go home. I've been suspended from school and I have nowhere to go."
Andromeda opened the door further, gesturing for him to come inside, eyes full of questions, but also sympathy. She was so different from her sister. Her eyes were kind where Bella's were full of hatred. Ted appeared at the end of the hallway with the baby on his hip, and he felt a fresh wave of guilt for interrupting their Christmas holidays.
"I won't be a bother. I just-"
"Sirius, you are welcome here. It's nice to have one family member visit me."
He stayed at the Tonks' house for the remainder of the Christmas break, despite a letter from James telling him he was welcome at their house. The invitation was genuine, and it had seemed that James was on the road to full forgiveness, but he still remained with his cousin over Christmas. He decided it was best to let his friends enjoy their Christmas, and then work on fixing the broken relationships between them when term time resumed.
James and Peter sent regular letters, and he returned them eagerly, but there was one person he received no letters from. He sent several letters to Remus, but his owl returned them all, and in the end, he gave up. However, on New Years' Eve, a letter arrived, in familiar handwriting.
Padfoot,
I've taken my time in writing because in truth, I do not know what to say.
You used my greatest fear, something I hate about myself, as a tool for one of your petty games against Severus, games I have made clear several times that I have no desire to be a part of, and yet you decided to take it upon yourself to involve me in the most dangerous way possible, with no thought of the consequences it could have had for Severus, and for me, and as I consider you a friend, that hurts me.
I have lived with this secret for twelve years, and now because of your actions, Severus is now aware of my condition, and as he dislikes me, he could use that knowledge against me in some way. Dumbledore assures me this will not happen, but that worry will remain with me forever.
I am terrified of harming others, and you know that because I have told you all my deepest worries. I live in constant fear of harming someone, and making them as I am.
The three of you are the only true friends I've ever had, and when you all stood by me when you found out about my condition, it was one of the happiest moments of my life, but now we are faced with this.
You used my condition to scare Severus, or perhaps you even meant for me to hurt him. I am honestly not sure which is worse. Aside from Severus being killed, or turned into a monster like me, did you ever stop to think about what would've happened to me if James had not intervened? I would've been thrown into Azkaban, or worse, killed by people who think the world is better off without people like me. That is if they managed to do that before I threw myself of the Astronomy Tower, unable to face what I'd done.
But in spite of your actions, you are my friend. One of the few I've ever had, and I will forgive you, just not right now. It will take some time to earn back my trust, but I know you won't let me down again.
Your friend,
Moony.
There was the fanfic, I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope it didn't seem ooc for them to argue as they did. But as I mentioned in my intro, I feel it would have caused some issues, and perhaps the moment where cracks in terms of their trust begin to appear.
Sirius was James' best friend, but James was also Remus' friend, and no amount of closeness to Sirius would've made him take his side in this issue. Sirius broke Remus' trust, and people often overlook that. It would have, in my opinion, caused a huge fracture between the four of them, because Remus would not have forgiven Sirius quickly, and I don't think James would've appreciated that kind of broken trust either, and it bugs me when people think he would have. But, they were all good friends, and he would've forgiven Sirius eventually. I just thought it would be interesting to have a more extended view of the story.
I will be uploading a few fanfics as and when I can. Mainly from Harry Potter, Marvel and Lord of the Rings, so I hope you'll view them in the future too.
Take care everyone, and thanks for reading.