A/N: FIRST THING FIRST. OptimisticBunny from AO3 bought me a cup of coffee via Ko-Fi so this chapter goes out to them! My kidney has their name on it if they ever need it. Also NovaShifter15 from FF draws me pictures from various chapters of this story. So my second kidney goes to them. Not to sound dramatic, but both scenarios were the two best things to happen to me in the last week lololol Love y'all! Leave me comments and whatnot!

Chapter #06:

Don't Touch Me I'm Sterile

"A traumatic event doesn't doom us to suffer indefinitely. Instead, we can use it as a springboard to unleash our best qualities and lead happier lives."

–Jane McGonigal

The room was ice cold, enough so to draw goosebumps on my bare arms, and there were a flurry of people setting things up around us. Darren, Emily, and Tony were in the corner going over final details. Wanda was sitting quietly in a chair wringing her hands nervously for the part she'd have to play. They all wore the same thing as me right now. Pale blue scrubs, a surgical cap with our hair tucked in, and a surgical mask. Though the mask was currently hanging around our necks since they weren't required right now. The only warmth I felt was from the overly hot hand holding mine in an iron vice.

Bucky sat on the surgical table shirtless. His chest was heaving with every deep breath he took, and his eyes were shut tightly. I stepped closer, basically standing between his legs, and whispered a few more soft comforts. He had been nervous leaving the Compound, but it seemed with every step toward this room just amplified his nerves tenfold. Being in the OR awake wasn't helping.

"They're gonna make me lay on this table and all I can think of is those men—" Bucky cut himself off with a strangled gasp as he relived a Godawful memory in his head. I squeezed his hand with one of mine and used my free hand to cradle his face. I prayed the soft touch reminded him that this was not HYDRA. We were not here to hurt him. "Aj, I—I don't know if I can do this…"

"Yes, you can." I said firmly. Calmly. "Everything is going to be okay. Hey, hey, look at me." Bucky hesitated for only a second then opened his eyes. I put on the most reassuring look that I could and gave him a firm nod. "I am going to be in this room the entire time with you. Nobody is going to hurt you while you're unconscious because I'm gonna be watching over you. Do you trust me, Bucky?"

Bucky held my gaze, swallowed the lump in his throat, then nodded. His voice was hoarse, "Yes."

"Nobody is ever going to hurt you again. Not while I'm around." I whispered.

Darren wandered over with crossed arms. He gave Bucky a reassuring smile, "Sergeant Barnes. Do you have any questions for us before we continue on? Anything at all?"

Bucky just shook his head. I turned to Darren and pleaded, "Are you sure we can't bring Steve in?" The blond was sitting out in the waiting room with Pietro and Sam. "Just for this part? It'd help."

"I know, and I'm sorry." Darren sighed. He turned to Bucky again. "I know you have super healing, but I can't help but be cautious. The more people we have in here the higher the risk of infection. I want to limit it to only those who are necessary."

Bucky nodded, "I understand. Thank you."

Darren clapped him on the shoulder once then looked to the anesthesiologist, "We're all set." He focused on Bucky, "We're ready to proceed when you are."

The doctor stepped away again and for that I was thankful. I brushed my thumb against Bucky's cheek. His eyes were tight with more than fear now. The stormy color filled with worry, "What's going on in your head?"

"What if I hurt someone going under or coming back?" Bucky whispered painfully. "What if I'm not the one that wakes up?"

"You are going to be the one that wakes up." I replied firmly. "That's what Wanda is here for. Everything is going to be alright. This time tomorrow we'll be sitting on the couch watching some movie that you and Steve need to catch up on."

Bucky set his real hand over mine, turned his head, then pressed a soft kiss to my palm. He nodded once then swung his legs on the table to lay on it. I stayed by his head and kept my hand in his as he rested it on his bare chest. Wanda hurried over and I could see the nervous energy in her eyes. The anesthesiologist, Dr. Hajmurad, gave us a curious look.

"You can do this Wanda. Just ease him under, keep him calm." I said softly. Bucky gave her a small reassuring smile of his own and the girl seemed to settle. She held her hands out and they began to glow red just like her eyes. Bucky's own eyes flashed a matching shade and I nodded at Dr. Hajmurad to start. The man reached over and set a mask over Bucky's mouth and nose. Bucky's hand squeezed mine painfully, but I refused to show the ache on my features. Instead, I forced a tight smile and spoke in a level, calming tone, "You're safe, Bucky. You're with us and you're safe. Everything is okay. Nobody is here to hurt you."

Slowly, I watched Bucky's eyes flutter close and his grip on my hand loosened until I was the only one holding on. Dr. Hajmurad pulled the mask off while Wanda backpedaled away from the table. I spotted Tony setting a hand on her shoulder and whispering something that made her smile, but I focused back on Bucky. A nurse came over and began to put an IV line in his right arm while Dr. Hajmurad worked on intubating him.

"Aj, you need to step away so they can prep him." Emily said softly. I forced myself back and the other nurses hurried over. The curious part of me wanted to watch every single thing they did, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from Bucky's face. The tube was in place and Dr. Hajmurad used tape to secure it in place. He also used the same tape over Bucky's eyes. "They're gonna be ready really soon. How about you come scrub with me so we can help them drape him?"

I was hesitant to even leave the room, but I knew I needed to scrub in. I tied my mask on correctly then followed her out. She led me out to the sinks right outside the OR and walked me through what I needed to do. We stood in silence as we focused on the process of scrubbing in. The plastic brush was rough against my skin, but I didn't hesitate to really dig it in just in case.

"My patient in there?"

I nearly dropped the brush at the new voice. My head swiveled to see Dr. Strange standing by the sink staring at me expectantly. I glanced at Emily who shrugged as she finished up. She held her hands up and Strange moved to the side so she could get past him without risk of contaminating herself. Now it was just the two of us.

"Can you not scrub in and talk at the same time? Is that too difficult for you?"

I huffed, "Your patient is in there, yes. We're replacing his—"

"I know." Strange replied. "Is Dr. Bass still in there?"

"Yeah..." I replied and rinsed my hands cautiously, just like Emily showed me. Strange took a step away from me when I held my hands up. Water dripped down my arms catching the edge of my sleeve and dripping onto the floor. "Why?"

Strange nodded, it was then that I noticed he was also in scrubs and a cap, "When you go in tell him to come out."

Not in the mood to argue, I nodded and used my back to push open the door and swing in. Emily was already wearing her gear. Before the scrub nurse could help me into my own gear, I called out to Darren who stood by Tony, "Dr. Strange is outside the door and wants to talk to you."

Both men looked equally as surprised and when Darren left Tony decided to follow him. A minute later, after stumbling through getting my gear on without contaminating everything, I stood by the table again. Bucky hadn't moved. A nurse in gear draped a sterile cover over his chest to cover everything but the surgery space. Bucky's face disappeared from view as Dr. Hajmurad clipped the ends to his IV pole. It made it so the cover didn't rest on Bucky's face, but it also cut him out of view for me. The drape itself was taped around the sterile area where the surgery would commence.

"Bring the table up please." Emily requested. The anesthesiologist grabbed the remote and lifted the bed until she told him to stop. At the same moment Darren swept into the room with dripping arms and a look of irritation on his face. Seconds after him, Tony came back into the room with Dr. Strange only a step behind. "Darren—"

"We've already got a crowd, but Dr. Strange had a convincing argument to join us." Darren replied. I watched him finish getting all his gear on and by time he reached the table he had shaken off his irritation and it was replaced with focus. "Alright. Let's get started. Circular saw." The nurse passed him over a large saw, and I swallowed the lump in my throat nervously. Darren stood across from us on Bucky's left side. "Mr. Stark, you're sure this will cut through the arm?"

Tony called back, "Pretty sure, yeah."

Darren needed no further confirmation and flipped it on. The loud whine made me flinch, but the surgeon didn't hesitate. He dug into Bucky's arm, but he only got inches in when alarms began to go off and Dr. Hajmurad stood from his seat at the head of the table and began yelling for him to stop. Darren shut off the saw and pulled it back.

"What happened?" I asked.

"BP spiked? He was in pain, wasn't he?" Strange chuckled and Dr. Hajmurad confirmed it. Darren turned with a glare and Strange took one step forward. "I had a hunch."

I narrowed my own eyes, "And you didn't think to share the hunch before we started!?"

Strange shrugged, "I wasn't positive. I wanted to see. Hajmurad, he's under general, right?" Again, the anesthesiologist confirmed it. "Put an epidural between C7 and T1. I don't think the general anesthesia touched the artificial nerves."

"You gotta be shitting me." Dr. Hajmurad scoffed. "I have the patient supine on my table, intubated and under, and only now you're telling me he needs an epidural?"

Tony pointed to the anesthesiologist, "Yeah, what that guy said!"

"I'll hold his head up and we'll take the headrest off." Strange replied simply. I watched him walk around the table to stand behind the drape. I could hear the two of them still arguing, but I didn't want to risk trying to see what was happening in fear that I'd break sterility. It took twenty minutes, but then Strange walked away as Dr. Hajmurad glared at his back. I guess the doctor rubbed everyone the wrong way.

Darren sighed, turned the saw back on, and then went to town.

"Kid, you're making me dizzy." Sam called out. Steve lifted his gaze from the floor to see Pietro stop zooming from one side of the room to the other. He rolled his eyes before dropping down into a seat across from them. "You good?"

Pietro motioned toward the door, "I should be allowed to be with my sister."

"She'll be fine. Wanda's a tough kid and you know Tony and Aj will be right there for her." Sam reassured. Pietro huffed once and sunk in his seat while grumbling in Sokovian under his breath. Sam turned to look at him, and Steve straightened in his seat. His friend nodded once, "How about you? You good?"

Steve nodded, "Course. Is it weird that I'm nervous?" He wrung his hands together with a chuckle, "I feel like I should be doing something, but… I don't know what."

"You're supposed to sit here and be nervous." Sam smirked. "We wait impatiently."

"I've never been good at that." Steve gave him a tight smile.

Sam shrugged and crossed his arms, "I don't know. I think you're pretty good at being impatient."

Steve shot his friend a look then shook his head. He didn't know how to feel. There were too many conflicting emotions warring inside of him. Excited and nervous. Eager and fearful. A part of him wanted to cheer at the fact that his best friend was getting a new chance at a better life. Another part of him wanted to just throw up. There was so much that could go wrong. It could end up being an absolute disaster and he couldn't do a damn thing to help. Like Sam had said, all he could do was sit here and pray for the best.

"I am also not known for my patience." Pietro said.

"Hmm, you don't say?" Sam replied. "Wouldn't have guessed that."

The two threw comments back and forth with one another and Steve could see the tension in Pietro's shoulders relax as it went on. Steve wished he could find something to distract himself with, but no matter what he did his mind went right back to square one.

Worried in a waiting room.

Five hours, sixteen minutes, and thirty-seven seconds was the point in the surgery where Darren began to close things up. After the saw incident, everything went according to plan. There was one hiccup as Darren and Emily carved out the old HYDRA metal that they realized how close they were to whatever HYDRA was using for his nerves. Luckily, Strange was able to point what he thought should stay and what should go. The smug doctor was arrogant as hell, but he had the skills to back it up.

Tony's prosthetic fit into his open shoulder with ease and the anchor had been securely placed. Essentially, the worst part of this surgery was over. Darren was closing the tissue with a variety of different styled sutures. He explained that he was probably overdoing it with the sutures, but he'd rather overdo it than under do it in this situation. The matte silver and black of his new shoulder sat exactly where the other had been. The scars that had formed from the old arm would still remain, but with this new one he shouldn't gain any fresh ones.

"Have we decided on a sling or wrap?" Darren asked.

"Both." Strange answered for the group.

Darren shrugged in agreement and asked for the gauze so he could wrap it all up. Tony stepped out of the room to fetch Wanda who had stepped out around the 3 hour mark. Emily said I could break out of the gear to help with post-op care, and I did so without hesitation. Dr. Hajmurad helped me lift Bucky's shoulder so the gauze could be wrapped around his chest and held in place. Wanda and Tony stepped into the room as Darren and Emily took off their own gear.

"Alright, everyone but Hajmurad out." Tony said.

I glanced around in confusion as the people around me actually listened without a fight. Tony must have said something before we started. Maybe this was for the best though. I had all the faith in the world, but it was better to be safe rather than sorry. I walked across the room to stand beside them, and my eyes widened when Tony activated a gauntlet over his right arm.

"Tony!"

He shook his head and handed me back my bracelets, the ones I had to take off in order to scrub in, then pointed to them, "Put those on and activate them right now."

"No." I argued while slipping them around my wrist. He had given me my braided ones as well. "I'm gonna hold his hand and it won't be the same if I have metal gloves on."

Tony laughed, "No. No, you're not. You and Wanda are gonna stand behind me while Jekyll and Hyde wake up." I opened my mouth to argue, and he gave me a firm look. "No. Aj, you're not taking that risk. I'm not going to let you, and Bucky wouldn't want you to. So, please don't fight me on this."

"Fine." I mumbled unhappily. His points were solid.

"How close do you have to be Wanda?" Tony asked her.

She nervously nodded, "Right here is fine."

We were only a couple feet away from the table. I activated my gloves while Tony stepped in front of the two of us. Dr. Hajmurad waited for us to give the signal and once Wanda nodded he began to wake Bucky. Wanda's hands and eyes glowed red while Dr. Hajmurad pulled the tube out of his throat. Everything was going smoothly. It was all okay.

But as quickly as the thought had come, it disappeared. Wanda let out a pained cry, hunching over like someone had punched her in the gut, and Bucky violently shook on the table like he was experiencing a seizure. Panic slammed into me.

Something was very wrong.

Wanda felt cold. The kind of cold that seeped into your very soul and settled over every bone. The kind that left you with a permanent chill that you knew you'd never be able to shake away. She was frozen in place. Wanda looked around the darkness that surrounded her and an image began to form. Blurry at first, then clear. Her arms were latched down via thick, metal locks to the chair she sat in and so were her legs. The room around her was desolate. Dirty, concrete flooring and walls. A metal gate for a door, shelving against the wall, and the people…oh, oh the people. Standing all around her were men in white coats with sickening grins. Grins that were too large for their faces, too many teeth that were a little too sharp, and eyes that were black as coal.

Her heart began to race, and she desperately tried to get out of the chair. The metal locks were no match for her though and no matter how many times she tried to use her powers nothing came to her. She began to cry in panic as the men came closer, "Pietro! Pietro! Please! Help me!"

Wanda screamed for help, but in the pit of her stomach she knew no one was coming to save her. The emotion wasn't hers. She knew that much. The pain she felt, the loneliness and the emptiness, the dreadful realization that she was isolated. She was alone. No one missed her. No one would come save her. She would rot in this chair and in all honesty, she prayed for it. These weren't her emotions, but they flowed through her as if they were.

With another cry of terror, her powers finally returned, and she broke free from the chair. Wanda stumbled forward, nearly falling to her face, and she sucked in deep breaths. The emotions were gone and replaced with her own.

She looked around and realized she was still in the room. It was only then she saw the words. Large words, eleven of them, painted against the walls. Of the eleven, ten were an ugly red and the last was a dark blue. The monstrous men were still there, but they were no longer looking at her. Wanda slowly turned around and she gasped at the sight before her. Bucky was sitting in the chair, shirtless and tied down. He looked ill. Bags under his eyes, pasty skin, and a variety of wounds scattered over his body. The worst was the bleakness in his eyes. They were empty. Void of anything human.

"Bucky?" Wanda called out, but he didn't look at her. That's when it finally clicked. She remembered. She was in his head trying to wake him up. Wanda must have gotten lost in his nightmare. She was trapped in his worst fear. Bucky's worst fear at this very moment was being back in the chair. "Bucky! Listen to me!"

His breathing picked up pace as a man walked up to him and shoved a mouthpiece into his mouth. Bucky didn't even fight it. He just bit down as hard as he could. Wanda watched in horror as another man pressed a button and a device began to fold out and stretch toward his head. Electricity crackled from it.

"No!" Wanda roared and threw her hand forward. A blast of red hit the device and it froze in place. She couldn't watch him be tortured. She wouldn't. She had to wake him up. Wanda pushed forward and set a hand on his right arm, "Bucky, you have to wake up. You have to snap out of this."

Bucky didn't even look at her. A chill filled the air and when she glanced over her shoulder there was someone new standing in the doorway. Wanda's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

It was Bucky, but it wasn't.

Bucky had a safe aura that surrounded him. Wanda and Pietro always felt sheltered. This one, this monster, only radiated danger. He wore black tactical gear, his silver arm menacing from this perspective, and again his eyes were wrong. Not empty this time. Worse. They were filled with malice.

"B—Bucky." Wanda said nervously. The man at the door tilted his head slowly. His gaze was only on her. He was the only one who could see her it seemed. Terror filled her gut. This was the monster in Bucky's head. She desperately turned to the man in the chair and shook him, "Please wake up. Please! I—I don't know what to do. I—I'm not ready for this. Bucky!"

She glanced over her shoulder and the monster took a step closer, he opened his mouth and spoke. She recognized the language as Russian and though she didn't speak it, right now she knew exactly what he said.

'You don't belong here. You're an intruder.'

Wanda needed to get them out, but no ideas came to mind. She wasn't even sure if she'd be able to slip away herself. She was as trapped as he was. Could this nightmare hurt her? Wanda's hands shook as she tried to think of a plan. The monster took a step forward and she threw her hand out at him. Red slammed into his body, he stumbled back a step, but he stayed present.

His eyes glared at her again, 'You should not be here. Get out of our head.'

"This isn't your space." Wanda snapped. "You're as much of an intruder as I am. HYDRA put you here. You're the monster in his head, Winter Soldier."

'HYDRA may have created the conditions, but they are not my god.' He took another step closer, and Wanda could feel her heart racing in her chest, 'My name is not what you call me.'

"Bucky." Wanda whipped around and grabbed his face. What could she say? Steve could trigger something worse, but… "Aj needs you." Bucky took in a sharp breath and her eyes widened. The anchor. Wanda just had to follow the anchor back up to reality. She nodded, "Bucky, you have to wake up for Aj. She needs you. Aj needs you."

"I…" Bucky eyes shone with a glimmer of recognition.

Wanda was close. She was so close. Just a little more. Suddenly, a metal hand clamped down on her arm and when she spun the monster was in her face. Wanda screamed both in pain and fear as his hand tightened around her forearm. Another hand, flesh this time, shot out from her peripherals and grabbed the one holding her. Wanda looked to her side to see that Bucky had broken from the chair. Her friend forced his way between her and the monster.

Bucky ripped the monster's hand off her and used his other hand to clamp down on the monster's throat. Bucky shook his head with a growl, "No."

Wanda reached up to set her hands on either side of Bucky's head and closed her eyes tightly. With a blast of red, she found herself blinking in shock in the OR. It took a second to collect her thoughts and place her surroundings. Aj and Tony were yelling. Bucky was standing up from the table, one had wrapped tightly around Aj's forearm, similar to how the monster had been grasping her. Tony had his repulsor up and glowing, barking at Bucky to drop her, while Aj screamed at Tony to set his weapon down.

Bucky, finally snapping fully into reality, released Aj's arm and she fell to the ground. Tony rushed to her side and all three of them watched as the super soldier began to sway in place.

"Bucky!" Aj cried just as he collapsed. Wanda threw her hands out to catch his body. The red glow wrapped around his body and she slowly brought him to the ground. The physical portion of her powers had come to her easily. It was the mental part she was still struggling to grasp. Aj hurried to his side, checked his pulse, then examined the gauze wrapped around his new shoulder, "I don't think he hurt anything."

Tony scoffed, "He hurt you!" The man turned to look at Wanda and she flinched at the anger and frustration in his eyes. Tony took in a steadying breath, shook his head, then held one hand out to her, "Sorry. I'm not upset at you. Wanda, are you alright? Did he hurt you?" Wanda shook her head. The anger was fading from him. He sighed, "What happened?"

"I was in his mind…" Wanda said slowly. "I was trying to pull him out, but I think I was sucked in. It was a nightmare. His fear. The monster was there…"

Tony and Aj shared a worried glance. Aj kept one hand on Bucky's chest as she spoke, "The monster? Do you mean… Do you mean the Winter Soldier?"

"That's not his name." Wanda whispered. He had never said it aloud, but somehow she knew. Being in Bucky's head, it supplied her with more knowledge than she thought she had gathered. Tony and Aj questioned her, and she slowly shook her head, "His name is Yakov."

Sam took Pietro and Wanda home. The girl was shaken from whatever had happened in Bucky's head. As much as we all wanted to know what was going on, it was obvious she was in no condition to be walking us through the story. That would have to wait. Darren had re-checked the wounds since Bucky had an unusual awakening, but like I thought everything was in good condition.

"Are we sure it's okay for him to stay here?" I asked nervously. It was a little after 7 in the morning and both Darren and Strange had been adamant about him staying one day in the hospital at the very least. Then he could be transferred to the Compound's med bay. "Press is gonna be all over this hospital when they hear rumors about us lingering here."

"We'll limit his exposure to strangers. No one in or out of the room that we don't know and trust. Darren put him under a fake name, and if nothing goes wrong we'll move him to the Compound at some odd time in the morning." Tony replied. His words did nothing to settle my nerves. Bucky was at risk here. From the world finding out he existed, to HYDRA breaking in while we were sitting blind, and God knows what else. "He's going to be fine, Aj."

I sighed and pulled Sam's jacket tighter around me. I had mooched it off him before he left the hospital with the kids. The scrubs I wore didn't do much against the hospital's powerful A/C unit and there was something about having a heavy jacket on my shoulders that made me feel better. Tony reached out for me, and I thought he was going for a hug, but instead he grabbed my hand.

"Pull up your sleeve." He said softly. I gave him a hardened look that he met with gusto. There was no getting out of this. With a sigh, I rolled up the sleeve on my right arm to show him what he was looking for. When Bucky had accidentally grabbed me in the OR, he had squeezed pretty hard. Hard enough to leave a big, ugly mark in the shape of his hand. It was a red with a an even darker shade of red toward the center of it. "Jesus."

I tried to pull my arm back quickly, but he kept his grip on me, "Tony, it isn't that bad."

"Are you kidding me?" He shook his head. "Have you gotten this looked at? Your nurse friend in the ED, is she still there?"

I shrugged, "I doubt it. She usually works night shifts." I finally managed to yank my arm away from him and I pulled my sleeve down to cover it. The entire thing ached like a son of a bitch, but it had been an accident. "Seriously, I'm fine, Tony."

Tony looked like he wasn't ready to drop that argument, but I was grateful that he actually did. He nodded once, "Are you gonna come back with me or stay here? I can tell you what answer I want to hear."

I chuckled, "I'm gonna stay here."

"Oof, wrong, and you had a 50/50 chance."

"Hush." I replied and threw my arms around him. For some reason, I was beyond exhausted. It wasn't like I actually did anything beyond holding a few tools during the surgery, but I felt it all the same. Tony tried to convince me to come with him again, but I just set a kiss on the side of his face and turned back to Bucky's private room.

The room they had set aside for Bucky was one of the penthouse styled hospital rooms at the top of the hospital. We had weighed the pros and cons of keeping him here. On one hand, he was separated from the bulk of the hospital and didn't have nurses and strangers walking by his room. On the other hand, the press liked to keep an eye on these rooms because finding out who stayed here was always a huge story. Overall, this was the option that ended up making the most sense. It was easy to control who came in and out from here.

When I stepped in, my eyes shot to Bucky first. He was lying in his hospital bed, his shoulder still wrapped up, and he was still fast asleep. The screen with his vitals looked good, all the numbers were green, and no alarms were going off, and he looked peaceful. Other than the main bed the room had a couch against the wall, a private bathroom, a large window, and a small television in the corner.

"Hey." I called out to Steve who was sitting on the couch. He gave me a smile and I dropped down onto the seat next to him. "Any changes?"

Steve shook his head, "Not yet. How do you feel?"

"Just sleepy. Don't know why."

"It was a long surgery." Steve replied.

"It's not like I actually did anything though." I chuckled and leaned against his shoulder. Steve shifted in his seat, so I didn't have to crane my neck to lean up on him. "I held a suction tool and watched."

"It was still stressful." Steve replied. He moved to tangle his arm with mine and the weight of his arm made me hiss in pain. Steve stayed low enough that I didn't have to move my head, but he turned his own head to stare at me, "You okay?"

"Just a little sore. I'm fine."

"Aj." He pressed again. So stubborn. I tugged my sleeve up again, and his eyes widened at the bruise. I voiced a string of reassurances, but I could tell by the look on his face that it was going in one ear and out the other. "What the hell happened?"

I rolled my sleeve back down despite his complaints, "Remember when we said getting him up from anesthesia was…difficult?" He nodded. "Wanda got, like, stuck in his head or something. We're still not sure what happened, we'll have to talk to her after she gets some rest, but Bucky jumped off the table and grabbed me." Steve's eyebrows furrowed and I quickly added, "It was an accident! He wasn't himself."

Steve looked torn and I assumed it was because he knew I was right. We couldn't blame Bucky for this. He'd never hurt me on purpose. Both of us knew that to the core of our beings. He let out a slow sigh, "How bad does it hurt?"

"I think we both know I can take a hit." I joked.

"Doesn't mean you should have to." Steve replied softly. I gave him a small smile and settled back onto his shoulder. Exhaustion weighed heavily on me, and it only took a few seconds before consciousness slipped away from me.

If Bucky had a nightmare, he didn't remember it. When his heavy eyelids lifted it took a minute for him to orient himself. Hospital room. A beeping from the screen beside him and an IV in his right arm. His eyes drifted to his left side to see nothing. There was no metal arm resting on the bedside or his lap. Bucky sucked in a sharp breath as he took in the sight of his left shoulder wrapped in thick gauze.

Bucky didn't feel it.

He didn't feel anything.

There was no pain.

With a strangled gasp, he let his head fall back onto the pillow in relief. It was only then that he noticed he wasn't alone in the room. Steve was suddenly in his peripherals. The man was leaning forward out of his chair to stare at him in concern.

"Bucky?" Steve pressed. "How do you feel?"

He looked past his old friend to see Aj was lying on the couch fast asleep. One arm was tucked under her head and the oversized jacket she wore looked like Sam's. Steve called his name again and Bucky focused back on the blond.

"Are you in pain?" Steve asked.

Bucky closed his eyes and took in a steadying breath. For as long as he could remember, he always felt at least an ache. Even on his best days, every movement of his left arm was some degree of agony. It was his baseline. But now? Nothing. It was like he had this tightly wound ball in his chest constantly and it had finally loosened and relaxed. Bucky forgot what it felt like to not be in any kind of pain at all.

He opened his eyes, fully aware that tears had rolled down his cheeks, "No. There's no pain." Bucky's voice was hoarse. "For the first time since I fell from that train I— I'm not in pain. I'm not—Hah, I'm not in pain."

Steve let out a relieved breath of air himself as a smile graced his features. Never in a million years would he ever think that he'd be here. Lying in a warm, safe hospital bed, painless, celebrating that fact with his best friend. It was the kind of future he'd briefly dream about until his demons would beat that idea out of his head. Bucky didn't deserve this. He knew that much, and it made him all the more grateful for this moment of peace.

"How does it feel to be one arm short?" Steve chuckled.

"I didn't think I'd say this ever, but it's a huge relief." Bucky smirked. "Guess it's a good thing I'm right-handed."

He coughed to try and clear his throat. Steve reached over to the stand beside the bed to pour water out of a pitcher into a cup. Bucky took it gratefully and chugged it all down in one go. The moment his throat felt clear he nodded toward where Aj was sleeping, "She been here long?"

"As long as you." Steve replied. "Surgery was nearly six hours long. She was in there with you the entire time and she refused to go home with Tony, Sam, or the twins."

Bucky chuckled, his gaze drifting back to her, "She's something, ain't she?"

"Yeah." Steve nodded after glancing over his shoulder. "She is."

Bucky recognized the dreamy tone his friend used and quickly steered the conversation into a different direction. It wouldn't be hard. He was curious on what exactly had happened in the OR. He readjusted in bed, "How'd the surgery go?"

"Obviously well." Steve smirked and motioned to his shoulder.

"Thanks, punk." Bucky rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."

Steve's smile turned tense and he felt himself stiffen in response. His friend, realizing he knew exactly what that look meant, quickly shook his head, "Surgery really did go well. There was a hiccup in the start with your pain receptors? Something like that. Your neurosurgeon fixed it. Um, then the rest of the surgery went smoothly. Dr. Bass says all things considering it was an ideal situation."

"Then what's with the look?"

"Pulling you up outta anesthesia was…on the rough side."

Bucky's jaw clenched, "What did I do?"

Steve shook his head, "We're still not entirely sure what happened. Wanda was really tired so Sam and Pietro took her home to rest. She's completely fine though. You didn't hurt her."

"Then who did I hurt?" Bucky snapped. Steve's eyes drifted over to Aj and he felt his blood run cold. He never wanted to hurt anyone, but the thought of hurting the woman who had done so much for him, his doll, made him physically ill.

Steve held a hand out with a shake of his head, "It's just a little bruise. You grabbed her arm. She's fine, Buck. She said so herself. You weren't yourself."

Bucky didn't accept that. That was a piss poor excuse. It was the wakeup call he needed though. Before the surgery started, having Aj stand between his legs while he sat on the surgery table terrified, he felt something. The comfort that came from her hands, the warmth in her eyes, it left no room for any sort of fear. Being in her arms felt like being at home. She was home, and he had left a violent mark on her. Bucky had hurther. He could barely fathom the idea of it.

"Seriously, Bucky." Steve said firmly. "It's alright."

It wasn't. It was far from alright. But it had settled something in his head.

"Did the doc say when I can eat?" Bucky said in the most level voice he could.

Steve, who obviously knew he wasn't over this, shrugged, "He didn't. Are you hungry? I can call him and find out."

"Yeah, thanks, punk." Bucky gave him a firm smile. Steve stood up from his chair and walked out into the hall with his phone. He let his eyes fall back onto Aj who was still passed out. From here, if he focused solely on her, it was all too easy to hear the familiar drumming of Aj's heart. Her dark hair was a sharp contrast on the cream-colored couch. She looked so at peace. That's what he wanted for her. Peace. As much as he wished that he could give that to her, Bucky was realistic. He had nothing to offer her but pain.

There was a kink in my back when I woke up. You'd think a couch in a rich ass hospital room would be a little more comfortable. I pushed off the couch, sat up, and stretched my arms over my head trying to untie every knot in my spine. The room was filled with afternoon light.

"Finally." I glanced over to see Steve leaning back in the single seat by Bucky's bed side. His lips were curled up in a lopsided smile.

I opened my mouth to spit out a remark, but my eyes noticed Bucky awake in bed. Quickly, I pushed off the couch and nearly tripped over my feet to get to his bedside. Steve held his arms out to try and steady me, but I just grinned at the patient of the hour.

"Hey. How do you feel?"

"Good." Bucky answered softly. He wore a calm smile, "A little sore now, but no real pain. Nothing like what it was. Thanks, doll."

The words were like a breath of fresh air. I knew the surgery had gone well, but it was only now that I felt relief. Bucky was awake, talking, and not in pain. This was the best-case scenario.

"Dr. Bass swung by earlier to check his stitches." Steve leaned on his elbows. "He says everything looks really good. The inflammation is already going down thanks to his healing factor."

"Oh, thank God." I breathed.

Steve stood up from his seat and tugged me back lightly to fall where he had been. I complained that it wasn't necessary, but he just shook his head, "Buck and I were talking about picking up lunch earlier. Now that your lazy ass is finally up—"

I laughed and knocked my foot into the back of his knees so they buckled slightly, "Says the guy who's just been sitting in different rooms this entire time. You got the easiest job."

Steve chuckled and flicked the tip of my nose before going to leave the room. He didn't ask what I wanted to eat, but I wasn't worried. Never had I been picky, and Steve knew me well enough to grab something I preferred. I dragged the chair closer to the bed with a broad grin while Bucky just stared at me with a tired gaze.

"Once we get back to the Compound, we'll need to get you some physical therapy." I nodded. "I know you can't move it right now since we haven't done your back surgery yet to connect our artificial nerves, but we still need someone to move the shoulder joint for you that way it doesn't get stiff or lock up. Darren says the scar tissue could restrict movements if we don't start PT really early. Honestly, we'll probably start tonight—"

"Aj."

I stopped my flood of words and raised my eyebrows at him, "Yeah? Everything okay? Do you need me to do something for you?"

"Yeah, I do." Bucky replied. There was fatigue over his features, understandably so, but he was missing a tenseness. His neckline and shoulders seemed a degree more relaxed. "Show me your arm."

I blinked in surprise. It took me a second to understand what he had just demand I do. How did he—Steve. Steve must have told him. The news was going to come out regardless, but I was hoping we could at least get him out of the hospital first. I pressed my lips together and shook my head.

"Aj—"

"It's nothing. A bruise." I replied quickly. "I've seen so much worse—"

"Don't." Bucky shut his eyes. His jaw clenched and unclenched. "That doesn't make me feel any better, doll. Now show me your arm." I didn't move and he pressed his lips together for a moment. "Aimee Jane. Please."

My full name in his voice had broken me. With a sigh, I stood up to stand right by him. If I didn't show him now, the stubborn ass would crawl out of bed to pull my sleeve up himself. I kept my eyes on his as I tugged up the sleeve covering my right arm. There was a flash of pain in his eyes, his eyebrows furrowed, and his jaw clenched again. I glanced down at it myself. It was still ugly, but the edges begun to shift from red to a dark purple. It was already healing.

Bucky reached over with his right arm to cup my wrist. His thumb slowly traced my skin and he let his fingers drift up my arm to lightly brush against the discolored skin. Even that small amount of pressure caused some discomfort, but like hell I was gonna show that on my face at all. I set my right hand over his and squeezed it, "Bucky…"

"I'm so sorry, doll." Bucky shut his eyes.

I pulled the sleeve back down and held on tightly to his hand with both of mine now, "It wasn't your fault. Bucky, it was just an accident. A run of bad luck."

This should've been a long argument of me trying to convince Bucky that everything was fine and him spewing out self-hating rhetoric. It's what I expected. Instead, he opened his eyes and gave me a firm smile. It didn't quite reach his eyes and that should've been clue enough that something was very wrong.

"I'm sorry. This won't ever happen again." Bucky pulled his hand from mine. "I promise, doll."

Though the words should've been comforting, they were anything but. My gut filled with dread. Steve came back in with three boxes of food and a friendly smile that Bucky shot back to him. The room was filled with warm excitement, but I felt nothing but a foreboding anxiety.

Pietro was leaning half off his seat to be closer to his sister. After sleeping for many hours, she was doing much better, but he could still see the shake in her fingers. Whatever it was that Wanda had seen in Bucky's head had really frightened her. To the point that she wouldn't even share the memory with him no matter how much he pressed.

They were all at the dining room table. It wasn't always when they all sat down at the table to share dinner, but today seemed like the ideal day to do so since there was news to be shared. The meal had already been eaten. Avengers lingered now solely to hear his sister speak.

"If you still don't feel well, Wanda, you do not have to do this now." Vision said calmly.

She shook her head and offered the entire table a smile, "No, it's okay. I can do this." Pietro heard her mumble a familiar prayer under her breath before she began, "I was in a room. Trapped in a metal chair, strapped down."

"Oh, God." Bucky said softly. He sat across the table from Wanda, his left shoulder still wrapped tightly in gauze, and his eyes closed as his eyebrows furrowed. "Wanda, I'm so sorry."

Steve, who was on his right side, reached out and rubbed his shoulder. Wanda nodded once and spoke in Sokovian to Bucky, "It is not your fault." She glanced around the table before continuing in English, "I was surrounded by men with ungodly grins. Eyes dark as the night. I finally managed to break free, but when I rose it was Bucky in the chair. The men were going to hurt him, and we were surrounded by—by words on the wall—"

"Words?" Natasha questioned. She was on Bucky's left side.

"They were in Russian, I believe." Wanda crunched her eyebrows together in thought. "I don't know what they said but they were…terrifying. They made me feel…small."

Tony reached into his blazer's inner pocket and pulled out a pen. He handed it to Sam who passed it down the table to Wanda, "Write it down. We got plenty of Russian reading weirdos here."

"I don't remember many of them well enough to write, but…" Wanda grabbed her napkin and Pietro leaned closer to watch her scribble down two words in her loopy handwriting. "Ten of the words were written in this ugly red, like blood, and—I think I remember one of those." She set down the pen and held out the napkin across the table. "One word was written in blue, and I can remember that one. It stood out."

Everyone was silent as Natasha took in the napkin. Bucky leaned toward her and he stiffened, "Don't say that first one."

"Why?" Natasha questioned.

"I—I don't know." Bucky's voice was hoarse. He forced his gaze away from the napkin. He looked pale and sick. "It's not…"

Clint let out a low whistle, "That's sketch as—" He turned to Star beside him, "Earmuffs." The little girl covered her ears and he turned back to the table, "That's sketch as fuck."

"You're so responsible, Clint." Sam said slowly with a raised eyebrow. The archer gave the man a thumbs up and grin.

Aj sighed, "Can we please focus?"

Natasha motioned back to the napkin in her hand, "What about the second word?"

Bucky shook his head, still sick looking, "No, I don't recognize that one at all."

"What's the word?" Pietro nodded.

"Sputnik." Natasha read.

The reaction was instantaneous. Bucky's eyes rolled to the back of his head and he slumped over unconscious. The man fell out of the chair onto the ground between his chair and Steve's. Everyone jumped up in shock. His name was called out, but Bucky was completely and totally unresponsive. Steve had half caught his friend and Natasha yanked his chair back so the man could bring his friend to the floor. Aj had come around the table to kneel on the floor beside him. She was the first to check for a pulse.

"He's okay." She breathed. Aj pulled her phone out, turning on the flashlight, then lifted the man's eyelids one at a time to shine the light in them. "Yeah, he's okay. Bucky's alright. Just unconscious."

The room relaxed marginally at the words.

"Earmuffs." Tony called out. The little girl covered her ears again then he continued, without missing a beat, "What the actual fuck was that?"

"Oh my God." Natasha said slowly. Eyes dragged back to her as she stared down at the man on the floor. She shook her head, "It's a kill word." She scoffed once. "If they lose control of him they have a word to… well, to shut him down."

Pietro flinched at the horrifying words. It's not like they needed any more reason to believe HYDRA was inhumane, but the examples never stopped coming.

"If that is the word that essentially… 'shuts Sergeant Barnes down', then what do those other words do?" Vision questioned. The question hung in the air and nobody moved to answer it. There was no good answer here. There was no answer that gave any of them comfort. The Avengers had fixed the man's physical injury, but he was a long way from healed.