XxX
Tauriel sat tall atop Broom, her legs pressing gently into the mare's side, wanting to usher her onward. Her crisp eyes couldn't see Rivendell yet, but she knew it would come into sight once they reached the crest of the hill.
Annúndir rode easily next to her, a small smile on his lips, "Are you excited to reach our destination?"
"Yes, a bit nervous though." Tauriel admitted, her red head dropping as she grew lost in thought. Had she done the right thing? Should she have stayed in Dale, with Bain, or gone to Moria instead of the elven sanctuary? Her head looked back, to the east. Was she turning her back on her people?
"May I ask a question?"
The comment broke through her thoughts and she gave a solemn nod, "Yes."
"The necklace you wear, where did it come from? I know not of such fine craftsmanship." Annúndir inquired.
"It was a parting gift, from a friend I left behind in Dale." Tauriel answered, skillfully avoided the Captain's eye. Annúndir was a kind soul, but he was not granted permission to see her heart clearly like Bard had. Even Bain, for all of his loyal and trustworthy qualities, had grown accustom to, and respected, the fact that certain subjects remained untouchable with his elvish friend.
"The giver must care for you deeply, it is a precious gift." Annúndir commented, brushing his horse's mane, "His love must stem from the deepest part of his soul, it pained him to watch you leave. The same can be said for you, for you were not as willing to leave him behind."
Tauriel colored at what Annúndir implied, her hand fidgeting with the elegant piece, "It is from a friend, nothing more, and yes, it was hard to part from him." She let her eyes wander to her companion, "Bain—I mean, the King of Dale, was the giver. I have been with him since he was but a child."
"He must hold you in high esteem and you him, seeing as you wear the precious gems even on your long journey." Annúndir interpreted, continuing with his theory.
"Dale and Erebor are my home, their people my people, and Bain my dearest friend. I will miss them all equally and I treasure having something to remind me of them all close to my heart." Tauriel replied, knowing what the depth of Annúndir's inquiry had been. He was testing to see if there was anything stirring besides companionship between the King and the she-elf, "The only tie I have to anyone in this world is friendship, nothing more."
"I see." Annúndir replied, respectfully, and silently, disagreeing with her.
"I helped raise Bain and his sisters once their father ascended to the throne." Her throat caught and hinted at her grief for the past king, "A…a few years back, I taught Bain some of our words and he took to calling me Elvëa. Starlike." With a soft smile, she translated the name, even though she was certain Annúndir understood the Quenya word.
Annúndir, knowing not to push, lightly scrutinized her appearance, "You wear the cloths of Men, the hair of Dwarf, and the jewelry of both. If it weren't for your tipped ears and knowledge of our language, I wouldn't believe you were an elf at all." He jested lightly.
"I sometimes doubt my heritage myself." Tauriel confided in a whisper. She could feel Annúndir's eyes on her and she gently pressed her legs into Broom's side, stirring her to a trot. Annúndir followed suite with his steed and the pair breeched the crest, the Rivendell company following close behind.
Tauriel was the first to reach the top and Broom stopped on her own, short of the lip, as her ride grew distracted by the awe striking sight. The kingdom was set deep into the pristine rocks, philosophy was the craftsmanship of Lord Elrond's kingdom and it showed in the beauty of the smooth arches and intricate twists of the towers. Though Rivendell was known as the sanctuary of Elves, they hadn't hidden themselves away like Mirkwood had. They were still very much a part of the broken world of Middle Earth.
Pulling back his reigns to steady his horse, Annúndir smiled triumphantly over his home, "Welcome to Rivendell!"
XxX
Tauriel couldn't hide her gapping eyes as she turned all around, trying to take it in all at once.
"Never have I seen such beauty." She whispered, looking out over the never ending, lush fields, "Is hunting permitted?"
"In certain areas of Rivendell, yes." Annúndir explained, halting before the grand arches, "Whether your bow will hold up on a hunt is another matter, however." He commented lightly as he dismounted.
Tauriel followed suite and took hold of Broom's lead, her eyes lingering on her bow, which was secured to it's place under the side of her saddle, "It is finally crafted and well loved, it had seen wars and taken down thousands of orcs – surly it will hold up against a stag or rabbit." Her tone was defensive, though she managed to keep a diplomatic sense of civility to her voice, a trait she had picked up from her many years in the court of Dale.
"I meant no offense, my lady." Annúndir amended, handing his reigns to one of the stable hands.
"Nor did I." She inclined her head in an unspoken apology as she entrusted Broom to one of the young elvens, "Take care of her." The boy smiled and lovingly led the horse away.
"If everyone is finished with their unnecessary apologizes, might I be introduced to your young lady companion, Annúndir?" A soft voice echoed through the courtyard.
Instantly, all the guards were off their mounts and bowing deeply. Tauriel turned to the source, her eyes mesmerized by the golden sight of Lord Elrond descending the steps of his kingdom.
Annúndir cut his eyes to her as he bowed his waist, but said nothing in correction.
"Ahh, Tauriel Athelas, Adviser of the King. Friend of Men and Daughter of Dwarves." Lord Elrond offered her his hand as he added titles to her name.
Tauriel flushed, realizing she hadn't bowed like the rest of the company and quickly inclined her head as she rested her hand in his, "Excuse my forgetfulness, my lord, I am still caught up in the beauty of your kingdom and forgot my manners." She started to bow deeper but his hand kept her from going any further.
"You are an elf, such as I am, and a respectable adviser and peacekeeper between the races." A small smile pulled at the corners of his pale lips, his dark eyes alight with mirth, "We need not bow to one another for we are equal." As he spoke, the rest of the company rose to attention.
"I am no longer the Adviser to the King and I deserve no such respect." Tauriel explained, shame shadowing her. Years ago, she had abandoned her post as Captain and, now, she had left Bain on his own to rule a kingdom as a new monarch without a teacher. Though she was confident in his ability to rule, nothing could replace the support of a friend in one's time of need.
"We may try to leave all we are behind, but the truth remains that we are who we are no matter how far we are from home." Lord Elrond wisely stated, "You can denounce your history, your former life in both Mirkwood and Dale, but not even time can change the events that make us who we truly are." His amber eyes lingered on the necklace she wore, "You have not given up our titles, you simply have been granted a time to discover that which is lost."
"That is what everyone keeps telling me, might you enlighten me on what it is I am looking for?" Tauriel boldly asked, finding her courage and letting her eyes meeting the half-elf's.
Lord Elrond smiled, encouraged by her spirit, "Only you will be able to know, Tauriel Athelas."
"Lord Elrond?"
Tauriel looked swiftly to the side, catching sight of an elf dressed in the silver robes of Lothlórien descending from the stairs. Everything about the elf was as white as starlight, from his hair to his startling diamond like eyes.
"Lady Tauriel of Dale and Erebor, may I introduce you to Haldir of Lórien. He was sent by Lord Celeborn and his lady, Galadriel, for our Council." Lord Elrond held his hand out in gesture as the second Silvan elf came to a stop beside the ruler of Rivendell.
Tauriel inclined her head in greeting, curious why Lord Elrond was so quick to attach her to the Men and Dwarves yet leave out her ties to Mirkwood in front of the newcomer.
With bewildered eyes, Haldir stepped down the last stair and took in her appearance as he circled her, "Are you of the race of Men or Dwarf? You are too tall for the latter, yet you aren't as slow as the mortals I have encountered. "
Tauriel looked down to her simple blue hunting dress and her dark leather vest and boots, crafted in the style of Men. Next, her hand found its way to the point of her ear, which were concealed by the twists and ribbons of her dwarven hair style.
"I am an elf, a Silvan, like yourself." Tauriel squared her shoulders as Haldir came to stop before her, "But, I prefer to mix with other races besides my own to show that I do not value myself above them simply because my years are unlimited and my skills more refined."
From the corner of her eye, she saw Lord Elrond give a nod of respect for her answer. His encouragement stirred her to stand taller and hold her head even higher.
"We are all part of Middle-Earth." Tauriel pressed, "It is about time we start acting as such."
Haldir stepped forward, his tall stature towering over her so much so that he had to drop his head to meet her eye, "Such wisdom for one as young as you, Tauriel Athelas."
"A hard youth has a way of forcing one to grown up before their time." Tauriel countered, "A thousand peaceful years can never equate to that of a hundred war filled ones."
"Very wise indeed." Haldir inclined his head and stepped back, giving her victory.
Lord Elrond turned to the returning company, "Any news from our friends of the east?"
Annúndir stepped up, "Yes, the goblins have been sent back into their caves, for now, and the walls that were breeched have been rebuilt."
"Very good. Shall we move to the Halls? A feast has been prepared in honor of your safe, and victorious, return." Lord Elrond gestured towards a second arch that led to a different part of the kingdom.
Annúndir bowed once again before dismissing his company to the festivities.
Haldir moved next to Tauriel and offered his arm, showing the typical chivalrous manner expected in Lothlórien, "Would you care for an escort, my lady?"
Tauriel smiled, finding the fire of her spirit, "I think I'd prefer to be with the other guards." She jutted her chin out, "I might be a simple she-elf, but I am a warrior, as well as the King's Adviser, through and through and am quite capable of walking upright on my own." With that, she turned on her heel and followed after Annúndir, who was working hard to keep the smile from his face.
Once they were far enough away, Annúndir let his laughter pour out, catching the attention of a few of his men.
"King Thranduil might not have everything right, but at least he allows she-elves who are capable and skilled to be guards." Tauriel said, letting a small smile drip on her lips.
"Not all kingdoms see the same as your King. Some have yet to figure out that she-elves can shoot just as well, if not better, than he-elves." Annúndir stated, bringing himself back under control.
Tauriel slowed, considering his words, Your King.
She hadn't stepped foot into the territory of the Woodland Realm in years, yet a large part of who she was had been crafted during her time under the rule of King Thranduil. He had cared for her through her youth and pushed her to grow in ways no one else could; if only he would have been able to understand that teaching a child to be independent did not mean they would always stay on the same path as their parent.
"Yes," Tauriel smiled, remembering the good memories and dismissing the bad, "not everyone is able to look past ones exterior to see what they are truly made up of."
If only he could apply the same reasoning to those outside the race of Elves, Tauriel added silently.
As they came to the gate, Annúndir gave a mock bow, holding his arm out so Tauriel would go first, "After you, my capable lady."
Tauriel gave a shake of her head, but continued on past him. The feast began once everyone was seated and Tauriel found herself settling in quicker than she had expected with her kin, so much so that she grew hesitate as the night wore on. Thirty-three years was but a sliver of time to an elf, yet Tauriel had thought it would be harder to readjust to the food and language of her people after her time in Dale.
"I need to get some air." Tauriel informed Annúndir before starting towards the door. She felt the eyes on her, but she kept her back straight, refusing to show her need to retreat.
She leaned against the smooth banister, her eyes lingering on the distant sapphires in the sky.
Tauriel felt his presence before he spoke, "Would you care if I join you?"
"I have no say over what you or anyone else does in this kingdom. Therefore, you are free to do as you wish." She informed Haldir as she twisted the cuff around her wrist, wondering how life was back in Dale and Erebor.
The white elf moved next to her, resting his hands on the rail, "I owe you an apology."
Tauriel rose a brow but didn't look to him as she thought, Yes, you do.
"I grant you my pardon." Tauriel replied steadily.
Haldir gave a curt nod and Tauriel was reminded that he was a soldier, not a diplomat. She boldly let her eyes linger on his silhouette as he stared out over the glass sea which mirrored the night's sky.
Finally, he spoke, "Do you miss it?"
Tauriel knew instantly what he meant and didn't have to ask him to explain, "It is my home, of course I miss it."
Haldir let his bright eyes wander to her, they lingered on the jewels she wore, "The necklace you wear is exquisite." His eyes turned next to her cuff.
Why is everyone so concerned with what jewelry I wear? She thought, trying not to give a roll of her eyes as Haldir attempted to follow Annúndir's theory.
"They were gifts from my friends back home, to remind me of where I belong." She sighed, pushing her face into the night breeze in hopes of escape.
Haldir leaned against the rail, his gaze locked on the lost she-elf, "Only you can decide where you belong."
Tauriel held her tongue, knowing if she replied it would only be in spite, to show that he didn't know her as well as he had guessed, when the truth was he had been right.
If she belonged forever in Dale, she wouldn't have left. That wasn't to say she wouldn't return to the city between the great rivers or that she had turned her back on Men and Dwarf, no, it was as Lord Elrond said: she had been granted a time to find that which was lost.
But, to think that a strange could see so clearly through her made her feel vulnerable and scared. She wished to be as far away from the discerning elf as possible.
Her salvation came sooner rather than later in the form of a single word, "Tauriel?" The gentle voice called from the doorway, beckoning the Silvan's attention.
Annúndir smiled and Haldir quickly looked between the two, seeing what he could find, "Lord Elrond has set up a room for you to occupy as long as you wish to stay."
"Very well." She smiled easily, pushing off the balcony and starting towards her friend, "Will you escort me?" She asked with a smirk in her eyes, knowing Haldir's ears were sensitive enough to pick up her soft spoken question.
Annúndir flitted his eyes over her shoulder before looking back to her and offering his arm, "Of course, Tauriel."
The two walked off and just made it around the bend of the stairs before they erupted with laughter.
"I don't think Haldir was comfortable with me calling on you without your title." Annúndir chuckled.
Tauriel brushed back her hair with a smile, "Why does it matter what he believes to be right or wrong? He is not Lord of Rivendell."
"He does have quite a bit of sway with Celeborn. If you wish to visit Lothlórien, than you best be on your good behavior." Annúndir chided with a playful glint to his eye as he took up her arm once more.
"And what if I wish to remain here?" Her eyes looked out over the beautiful kingdom that seemed to glisten even in the dark night.
Annúndir smiled, "I would not mind, for I appreciate your companionship and wit, but Haldir might not be as supportive as I." Tauriel looked to him, waiting for his explanation. The Captain simply smiled, "During dinner, tales of how you stood up to him were quickly moving throughout the entire company and when they came back to him he simply laughed them off and praised your insight. Never have I know Haldir to be so easy with his own mockery in loss. You seem to have caught his attention."
Tauriel let her eyes roll, knowing the shadows would conceal them.
"And, since he does not care for me dropping your titles," Annúndir continued, "I would assume that he wishes others to hold you in the same respect he has for you."
"You knew me before my titles were bestowed upon me, and you are a friend. You may call me what you wish and he will have no say in the matter." Tauriel concluded, "I don't take kindly to people I hardly know judging what I deem acceptable conduct between friends."
"Just the same, I suggest caution." Annúndir released his hold of her when they reached her quarters, "You are a diplomat; don't forget that to achieve a favorable end sometimes you have to give a little."
"Why he would be taken by me is beyond my understanding." Tauriel scoffed in true humility, "I am nothing but a Silvan she-elf that is banished from Mirkwood and has assimilated to the lives of Men and Dwarves." As she spoke, her heart ached for home. She longed to look upon the marble statues of Erebor once more, to seek solace in their presence.
"You are an intrigue, something unlike any other elf maiden. Your spirit alone is enough to catch the eye of any man, whether he is from the race of Elf, Dwarf, or Man." Annúndir patiently explained, "And you yourself said you weren't spoken for."
Tauriel winced at the comment, as if it burned her, for she still thought of herself as claimed.
"Life sometimes offers us second chances at love, Tauriel, but that doesn't mean you need to forget." Annúndir said gently.
"I am quite tired of people giving me riddles, and I'm even more tired of people thinking they have a right to tell me how to act." Tauriel twitched her nose as she moved towards the door and Annúndir smiled.
"Just promise me you will consider what I have to say, my friend."
Giving a nod simply to end the conversation, the she-elf bid her companion good night and rushed into the stillness of her room.
She pressed her back against the smooth door and tried to still her restless heart. When she dared to open her eyes and began to explore, she found her window overlooking the vast waterfall with the eternal stars danced around it.
Instantly, she was at the nook with the glass pane cast open. She brought her knees up to shield her from the wind but refused to budge from her perch, "I miss you." Tauriel called out as if expecting a reply.
She twisted the cuff around her wrist, seeing how it simmered in the slight cast of moonlight. Different light carvings of runes started to appear on the outer cuff the longer it lingered in the night light and she smiled, reading the blessing Dain had given her for her travels. While the runes Kili's stone held were kept hidden and sacred against her wrist, these were there for all to see.
Sighing, she leaned her head back against the wall, considering what could have been. When she had become Captain, her spirit had started to tame. She had been care free and bright in her youth, her character being the exact opposite of what everyone expected of an orphaned Silvan. As the kingdom grew darker and evil's shadow spread, she found herself tempering in light of the weight of her world. Starlight dimmed in the face of reality.
When Kili had stumbled into her life, quite literally, she had rekindled the strength and determination of her youth; she had rediscovered her love for others and her need to protect the little light that was left. She had started to return to her old self, a change the King of Mirkwood wasn't happy to see.
Her teary eyes opened as she looked out over the cool night, "I would have stayed lost, if it weren't for you. If only you were here, then everything would be as it should have been…"
XxX
A week passed, which seemed like nothing more than an hour. Lord Elrond himself had taken the time to show her a new piece of his kingdom each day; from the library to the court, the forest to the harbor. He left no stone unturned.
Today, he was showing her his favorite escape; a small garden in full bloom with fresh springs trickling throughout.
"This was of my wife's design." Lord Elrond explained, "Some know of this place but rarely do they come here, it is a quiet place that people seek only when they need it."
Tauriel smiled as she watched the shimmering water and she knelt down, studying the different flowers. Her hand gently lifted up a well-known sprig, "Athelas."
"Yes, most consider it a weed but those of us who know better tend to it and keep it well preserved." He smiled gently, like a father would to a beloved child.
"It is so peaceful here." Tauriel stood, her eyes cascading around the small alcove and treasuring the quiet. All of a sudden, a horn broke the beautiful scene and the bird and critters scattered for shelter.
"What is that? Is there trouble?" Tauriel asked, falling back into her typical need to protect and scouting the area.
Lord Elrond held out his hand to still her, "Peace, child, the horns are announcing a visitor."
"Are you expecting someone?" Tauriel questioned, her emerald eyes growing uneasy at the prospect of coming face to face with elves of Mirkwood.
The half-elf simply smiled, "You will see. Come, I think it is time to greet our guests."
The pair walked on in silence, Lord Elrond leading and Tauriel choosing to follow in his footsteps.
"Welcome to Rivendell, my friend!" Lord Elrond extended his arms and Tauriel couldn't quite make out who he was speaking too. What she could see, however, was the company of men that filled the small courtyard. Closer inspection of their armor and banners told her exactly where they had traveled from: Dale.
"Bain?" She stuttered. Her pulse raced and excitement bubbled up within her, without thinking she rushed around Lord Elrond like a child to see if she was right.
"Tauriel?" Bain's familiar coppery eyes grew, surprised by her presence as she ran down the stairs, "Elvëa!"
All manners and decently was tossed aside as she threw herself into his awaiting arms. Bain, without consideration to their audience or his title, kissed her with the chaste innocence of a friend. The Men were familiar with the friendly gesture but the Elves were not and a few wandering eyes lingered on the pair, wondering what was going on between the lowly elf and the King of Dale that they would so openly display their affection.
Tauriel pulled back and buried her head in his shoulder as tears threatened to fall, "I missed you." Typically, she wouldn't care for showing such weakness but it felt like a life time since she had last seen him.
Bain chuckled and held her tightly, savoring their friendship, "How have you been?" He pulled back and lifted up her chin, his eyes wandered to the bright gems that hung around her neck, clashing with her hunting wear. His smile erupted across his face, "I see you haven't forgotten where you came from."
"Nor will I." She replied, her eyes light.
"Shall we continue this reunion over a small meal? You must be tired from your journey." Lord Elrond stepped forward, reminding them of their surroundings. The pair was still so enthralled with their reunion that embarrassment for their greeting had yet to set in.
Bain, still smiling like a boy, offered Tauriel his arm, "Shall we, Elvëa?"
"We shall, my lord." She took his arm and rested her free one on his shoulder, glad to have her best friend near once more.
Once they were all settled, a light, easy discussion began between the two races. Tauriel found herself more at ease with the mix of Men and Elves. When she had first stayed in Dale and given up her life in Mirkwood she had worried she was betraying her kin, but she had felt nothing deeper than the concern of how her actions would be perceived. It wasn't until she left Dale to return to her kind that she truly felt like she had betrayed her family.
"I see you are feeling better." Annúndir whispered over her shoulder as he took his seat beside her.
Tauriel set down her drink and wiped her lip, "Where have you been?"
"Readying the troops." He replied with ease as he joined the meal, "We thought the goblins had learned their lesson but we got word that they have turned their attention west and look to attack Dale just before winter sets in. That is why King Bain is here, he is requesting our alliance. Of course, Lord Elrond already knew that he was in need of support and started gathering supplies before we even returned."
"Why not just send word for you to head to Dale? He could have sent supplies once they were readied instead of bringing you all the way back here to retrieve them." Tauriel wondered. Annúndir simply shrugged, leaving the Lord's business up to him.
Tauriel then turned to the head of the table, her teeth worrying her lower lip as she caught sight of the young Bain, "When do you leave?" She asked Annúndir.
"In a couple days."
Tauriel finely turned to face him, her shoulders set, "I will go with you."
"Actually," Annúndir started, "I believe Lord Elrond has a request for you. You should talk to him before following us."
"If my home is under attack, I need to be there, not out running some tedious errand." Tauriel defied, her eyes narrowed and daring him to dismiss her reasoning.
"Maybe you should talk to King Bain, then, so you understand better." Annúndir replied gently, not wanting to upset the she-elf. He had heard of how she fought not only in the Battle of Five armies but in those following the years since; he knew better than to put himself on the receiving end of one of her blows, whether it be bow, sword or fist.
Tauriel jutted her chin out, "Fine, I will."
The rest of lunch passed with the Silvan saying nothing else but a curt "yes" or "no" in response to questions directed towards her. Of course, Bain saw the change in his friend and was quick to ask her for a walk once the meal had concluded.
She walked along the stone path, forcing a distance between them, with her arms crossed defensively and her venomous eyes narrowed.
"Are you going to tell me or do I have to guess?" Bain smiled cheekily, moving in front of her and continuing to walk backwards. For a mortal, his dexterity was quite impressive.
"You didn't tell me Dale was being threatened." She spat, her eyes hard and unforgiving in their pain, "I knew the goblins were causing an uproar in the Iron Hills but I had no idea how serious it was until tonight. You should have sent someone after me."
He stopped and reached out for her arm to stop her, "I didn't know which way you went."
"You could have sent one of Dain's ravens." Tauriel ripped her arm from his grasp and stormed past him to the open gazebo. She fell against the thick rail, making sure to keep her back to him.
"Elvëa…" Bain called gently, like he had as a child. Her heart started to break at the hurt in his voice.
She held her head up, trying to hold back the tears as she let her walls down, "I…I already lost Kili, and then your father…Bain, I—" Her voice broke, unable to even think about what a third heartbreaking loss would do to her soul, not to mention his sisters and the kingdom.
Bain stopped behind her and slowly picked up a lock of hair, which he began to braid in the way Tauriel had taught him long ago, "Nothing will happen."
"You do not know that." Tauriel rested her chin on her shoulder, watching his swift movements. She had never bothered to explain to Bain the intimacy of braiding an elf's hair, but he had been so mesmerized by her hair as a youth and wanted to learn how to braid it, like the dwarves knew how, that she couldn't tell him no.
Once he had finished, Bain took hold of her shoulders and gently turned her to face him. He lifted her chin when she refused to meet his eye, "Elvëa, trust me."
She nodded her head, not wanting to argue further.
"Lord Elrond mentioned a mission he has for you." Bain continued, bringing his thumb up to dry her eyes, "He wishes you to go south, to Lothlórien, and request their alliance for Dale."
"But…Dale…the goblins…" She felt torn in so many directions and unable to understand how this testing of her loyalty would help her find that which was lost; it felt like it was simply making things more misplaced.
"It is under control." Bain smiled bright, brushing back her loose tresses, "You are my friend and you need to do this for yourself, then you can come home."
She huffed in frustration and pulled away, "Why does it feel like everyone else knows what I'm looking for but me?"
"You really don't know, do you?" He whispered, shock etching into his deep set eyes. His hand ran back through his tousled locks, messing them further.
She turned back to him, her eyes vulnerable, and shook her head.
"Tauriel." Quickly, he went to her and took hold of her shoulders. He smiled and brushed away her free falling tears, "I saw how you were before the Battle; you had life in your eyes, a fiery determination to do what was right. Now I don't know how your life in Mirkwood was before, but my guess would be that you had been missing that spark for quite a while."
"And though you haven't lost that stark recognition you have for right and wrong, over the years that lively spark of yours has dimmed, I can see it in your eyes. It's lie a dying star." He whispered, lifting her chin, "First with Kili and then with—Da…" Bain stopped to collect his own emotions, "You've lost the ability to live Tauriel, you lost yourself to the past."
The truth of his words was too much to bear and the she-elf started to pull back, but Bain wouldn't let her retreat.
Her thoughts turned and her eyes opened when the truth of his words was revealed; she had walled herself off so much so that she hadn't allowed herself to heal.
"I…I don't want to forget." She admitted, amazed at how open she was being with the man before her. Her eyes grew misty at how much Bain looked like his father.
"You don't have to forget, but you can't let the past ruin a chance at a future." Bain advised gently, "Things don't always go as planned; sometimes people are taken from us before we want them to be, but we can't stop living just because they aren't there anymore."
She thought of what Annúndir had said about Haldir and, without thinking, started twisting the cuff around her wrist, "I don't want to be with anyone else."
Bain nodded, understanding exactly what she meant, "You don't have to be, but it's been thirty years Tauriel. You need to let the pain go, you need to heal. You don't have to let him go, but you need to rediscover life again, to find your purpose in this world. Because, truth be told, Middle Earth still needs you."
Tauriel nodded, letting her head fall as she took in what he said. It was the truth, but that didn't ease the pain.
Bain lifted her chin and gave a small smile, "Are you alright?"
Again, she nodded, "Yes but…can I show you something?" Bain pulled back, taken off guard, and nodded.
Tauriel took his hand before taking off through the familiar routes and leaving their weighty conversation behind. The burst of energy revived her and she found herself living in the moment for the first time in a long time.
"Close your eyes." Tauriel called as they reached the base of the peak. Bain did as he was told instantly, showing how much trust he had in her, and she caringly led him to the summit, "There." She looked out over the beautiful scene, "You can open them now."
Bain gasped as he took in the wondrous falls and the bright colors streaking the sky as it touched the edge of the sea, "It's amazing."
Tauriel nodded, watching as he discovered new things about the view, "I've been coming here when I need to think, it sort of reminds me of home. And I—I wanted to share it with you."
"I'm glad you did!" He burst out with a deep laugh, his arms outstretched as he turned back to her. She danced over to him and he took her hands, swinging them around as if they were innocent children, naïve to the pains of the world. They ended up laying flat on the ground, laughter echoing around them.
As the evening stilled, Tauriel found reality settling back in.
"When do you leave for Dale?" She asked, her sharp eyes picking up the faint starlight that was beginning to shine.
"The day after next." Bain sighed, reaching out and brushing back the hair from her face. Tauriel closed her eyes and relished the sound of his steady heartbeat, "I don't want to sway you one way or another but, to me, you will always be the true Adviser to the King of Dale, no matter the Age, Elvëa, just as you will always be Tauriel Athelas, the Peacekeeper of the Races, and my closest friend. Remember who you were and who you are and let no one tell you otherwise. You will find what you lost soon enough."
Tauriel nodded and let the silence drift comfortably around them. Her eyes wandered across the sky, recalling each story of the constellations. As the breeze blew, she snuggled closer to Bain and started to tell him the memory of each star and he listened, knowing he never had a truer friend than her.
XxX
The next day, Tauriel was called to the Court of Rivendell and asked personally by Lord Elrond to travel with Haldir to Lothlórien. She silently wondered how much Lord Elrond already knew about the brooding war but she accepted her duties without question and, after a private goodbye with Bain, she mounted Broom and was heading west with the Lothlórien company.
She traveled at a steady pace, not feeling rushed, but not quite relaxed. Her home was under attack and that was enough to keep her on guard, but she trusted Bain's ruling of the situation.
Unknowingly, she had started to fiddle with the intricate setting of the necklace she wore as she considered possible outcomes of the war that was sure to come.
The she-elf had let her horse walk on her own as she thought and Haldir's eyes caught sight of her daydreaming.
"You should not wear such treasured gems on a journey. The world is at rest but not so much so that thieves have taken to letting travelers alone." Haldir's unwarranted advice received nothing more than a wrinkle of Tauriel's nose.
"And you would also do well to remember what is and isn't appropriate conduct for a she-elf of your standing. Lothlórien is not as casual as Rivendell, there are expectations for you to uphold." Haldir continued, sitting tall on his horse. His eyes flitted to the braid Bain had completed yesterday that still lay in her hair, "Lord Elrond will respect another's overt culture, those in Lothlórien will not."
At first, Tauriel blushed at his forwardness, but Bain's words came to mind and she let a small cheekily grin pull at her lips, her eyes sparkling, "And you would do well, Haldir of Lórien, to remember how a Captain is to speak to the King's Adviser."
She held her head high and Broom followed suite, "I am of Dale, our customs do not match with that of the Elves. What is intimate to your kind is merely friendship to mine and I am sure your Lord and Lady will respect the differences." She let her bright eyes wander to his, "However, spying on one another is still considered rude in Dale just as it is in Lothlórien."
It was the first time she had actually lay claim to disowning her own heritage in favor of Men. And, for the first time, she felt completely released from the ties that had bound her for most of her adult life.
It was terrifying and freeing all at once, but little by little she was finding herself again and that was worth facing her fear head on.
"You may dress as such, but you will never be a Dwarf or a Man." Haldir countered, his face empty as he fought to control his emotions. It was a new concept to him, an elf preferring Dwarves to her own kin, and he wasn't quite sure how to handle it, especially with such an attractive spirit as Tauriel's.
The she-elf, on the other side, thought differently as she tried to hold back a roll of her eyes, Annúndir was wrong, this man has nothing but contempt for me.
"No, I may not be, but my loyalty is with them alone. Where they go, so too will I. They are my people and their ways mine. I will die and be buried beside them for I will always fight alongside my own, this I swear. I decide where I will go and who I belong to, not you." Tauriel took in a steadying breath, amazed at her even voice. She truly was growing up, "I am an Elf of Dale and Erebor, and none shall tell me otherwise."
With that, she edged Broom on to catch up with a few of the others, preferring the company of fellow soldiers to that of their Captain.
Haldir gazed after her, caught between frustration and curiosity. For all of her beauty, her wisdom and self-assurance was even more alluring and he found himself understanding why not only the King of Dale but those from all the races, who had heard of her bravery and beauty, were attracted to Tauriel Athelas.
XxX
A/N ~ The lines "Dale and Erebor are my home, their people my people, and Bain my dearest friend" and "where they go, so too will I. They are my people and their ways, mine. I will die and be buried beside them, this I swear. I decide where I will go and who I belong to, not you" was inspired by Ruth 1:16-17.
The significance of braiding was inspired by a line in The Heir Apparent by ChasingPerfectionTomorrow. It is a lovely little Kili/Tauriel story which I would recommend reading.
XxX