XxX
The journey felt longer than it actually was since Tauriel refused to act anything but civil towards Haldir and would often speak in the Elvish tongues she had come to discover he wasn't fluent in. The latter, on the other hand, did nothing but try and win back her good graces, which he never had to begin with.
As light was setting on Durin's Day, Tauriel gave a small smile of remembrance. She didn't bother to explain the dwarven holiday to her elven companions, but those who had grown accustom to her typical quiet nature saw the change in the she-elf's demeanor.
She unsaddled Broom as they stopped to camp on the edge of the great Forest. While she worked, she imaged the celebrations going on in Erebor tonight; it would be a time of great feasting and memory, for tonight was not only Durin's Day but also the anniversary of the reclaiming of the Mountain.
Her heart grew heavy at the thought, knowing that this was also the anniversary of the end's beginning.
Tauriel rested her head against Broom's soft mane, "I should have gone with you." She whispered in the dwarven tongue, knowing the elves around her would not be able to understand.
A few of the men around her threw looks of caution towards her but kept at their own work. Tauriel was the sole she-elf on the journey so all of the company of Lórien was focused on protecting the female within their midst.
I could take them in a shooting contest any day, she smirked to herself, hoisting Broom's heavy leather saddle off by herself, I bet I have also killed more orcs and spiders then all of them combined. She puffed up at the thought, though she knew it probably wasn't true, and made her camp without assistance.
Her thoughts drifted as she worked, but instead of the good times she had with Kili she was tormented by the last thought of him alive; when he had come to save her and sacrificed himself in her place.
The look on his face had been pained as the spear pierced his heart yet a sense of relief had been in his dying charcoal eyes that it wasn't her. He hadn't spoken any last words but the message was clear enough; his sacrifice would mean something if she but lived to see the stars one last time tonight.
She worried her lower lip, forcing her emotions in check as the memory shattered her heart once more, "You need to let the pain go." Tauriel brushed aside the tears that escaped.
Broom, who had been exploring the fresh grass, made her way over and gently nuzzled her master. Tauriel smiled and rubbed her nose, "I know I don't have to let him go, but it feels like I have too. That's what everyone is expecting me to do." She patted her loyal friend and started to make a light dinner for them.
"We should be in Lothlórien by mid-day tomorrow." One of the guards mentioned casually, stoking the fire. Tauriel nodded absentmindedly as she settled back against her saddle bag.
Broom lay down, encircling her master. Tauriel moved to lean against her so they could share their warmth. Firelight was all round the pair yet it seemed to make the stars only work harder to shine through.
"How beautiful." She whispered, questioning what the stars remembered of her dwarf on this night; ponder what they would remember of her centuries from now. Broom lay her head down and snorted in agreement.
"Oh, if only they will remember his great sacrifice for me and my love for him." Tauriel whispered to the night, resting her arm around her faithful companion and stroking her charcoal pelt, "That will be enough."
Tauriel closed her eyes and started to drift from the world that, for once, was a bit less painful then it had been the day before.
XxX
As dawn broke, Tauriel was the first to wake. By the time the others were stirring, Broom was already saddled and ready to start on the last leg of their journey.
"You seem to be in quite a hurry, Tauriel Athelas." A voice called from behind as Tauriel tightened the last strap.
She turned around politely, but kept any smile she might have offer to another guard to herself, "King Bain has sent me to secure an alliance to protect our home, I do not wish to waste his time or chance the goblins attacking my home before Dale has time to ready herself. People's lives rest on whether I succeed or fail so, yes, I am in quite a hurry."
Haldir inclined his head and turned his horse, "Be ready to leave within half the hour." He called out over his men. Instantly the company set to work and within less than their allotted time they were headed towards the forest road to Lothlórien.
Tauriel was on guard as they entered the tall trees, anticipating an attack. Her years in Mirkwood made her naïve to the idea of a realm at peace.
"Tauriel Athelas."
Tauriel turned around sharply, looking for who had called her. Those around her remained at ease, focused on the road instead of the uneasy elven.
"Friend of Men and Daughter of Dwarves. You have come quite far in your young life, but not far enough."
Quickly, she turned the other way, searching for the keeper of the voice, but again she found no one.
"You need not search for me, for I am not there. I have heard about you, Tauriel Athelas, and look forward to meeting you face to face." And just as it had started, it stopped.
Tauriel settled back into her ride, trying to ignore the rising hairs on her neck. The further they moved into the forest, the darker it seemed to get and, yet, it wasn't. Small factures of light drifted between the trees, casing a stunning brilliance upon their path. The shadows began to shift and take form and before long the kingdom concealed in the woods had taken shape.
Where Rivendell was crafted out of rock, Lothlórien made use of the trees surrounding it. Whole staircases were built around the ancient trunks and encircled them all the way to the top, which was hidden safely out of sight. Marble statues lingered throughout their way, welcoming strangers, and crystal pools were scattered about. It was beautiful, to be sure, but worth nothing compared to Rivendell in Tauriel's eyes. Perfection was the craftsmanship of this sanctuary, it was something Tauriel found unattainable and not worth seeking. And, for an elf that felt less than acceptable, she longed even more to see the walls of Dale and the summit of Erebor.
Haldir slowed his silver stallion so he was keeping pace with her, a proud smile on his face, "Welcome to Lórien! Isn't she stunning?"
"It is very respectable." Tauriel inclined her head to the Captain, remembering Annúndir's advice.
Haldir's sparkling eyes lingered on her, trying to break through her walls. Tauriel only sat taller atop Broom, knowing she was only expected to act civil not friendly and that he stood no chance at finding her heart. Her eyes kept forward and she caught sight of a shimmering light echoing from the stone courtyard before them.
She leaned forward, trying to catch sight of what was to appear. As if on cue, a glorious pair stepped out from the large trunk and started to descend the white stairs.
Haldir halted his men and instantly dismounted, bowing to the pair, "Lord Celeborn, Lady Galadriel."
Tauriel, not wanting to make the same mistake she had in Rivendell and knowing they would not be as forgiving of her misstep, quickly followed suite and bowed deep at her waist.
"You may rise." Celeborn beckoned in an emotionless tone, as if he were bored, "What news from Rivendell?"
Tauriel straightened up as Haldir delivered his report, trying her best not to narrow her eyes at the Sindar before her. Of course she was use to the higher races of elves lording over those they deemed second class, but that didn't mean she cared for such treatment.
Instead of listening to what transpired at Rivendell's Council, which she was already well familiar with since Lord Elrond had taken her into his confidence, Tauriel chose to pay attention to her loyal mare instead of the Lord and his Captain. She could feel his silver eyes on her as she did so.
"Are you a wanderer, young Silvan?" Celeborn inquired, turning to bestow his attention on her, "Do you seek refuge?"
Tauriel defiantly finished one last stroke of Broom's mane before turning to face Celeborn, "No, my lord, I am Tauriel Athelas. Lord Elrond has sent me to request your alliance for the defense of Dale."
He rose a single white brow, "Lord Elrond sent you?" He turned to Haldir, as if preferring to discuss the matter with the Captain instead of the she-elf.
"He did, my lord." Tauriel replied with forced respect, finding the question a waste and withholding an impatient sigh. This would truly be harder than she had anticipated. Just then, she felt tension grow in her neck as if she were being watched.
"You were sent not only by Lord Elrond, but King Bain of Dale." The voice from earlier whispered into her thoughts, "You have indeed earned the trust of those of fair rule in Middle Earth if they send you on such a mission as this."
Quickly, Tauriel sought the source before it could disappear. No one else seemed bothered by the comment and the only person who even looked to be addressing her was Lady Galadriel.
Lady Galadriel smiled knowingly and, finally, she spoke aloud, "You are in the dress of Man and Dwarf, not of Rivendell. Do you yourself hale from Dale?"
"Yes, my lady." Tauriel inclined her head, finding it easier to respect the Lady of Light. The pearlescent hue that stemmed from Lady Galadriel's inner most being attracted the young she-elf.
"King Bain chooses to send a she-elf to plead Dale's case?" Celeborn replied, "The situation must not be dire."
Briefly Tauriel's eyes narrowed, but she was quick to correct her demeanor and squared her shoulders, showing she wasn't about to back down, "I hold the title of Adviser to the King." She held her head up, for once using her title to gain ground, "I can assure you, Lord Celeborn, the situation is grave and in need of immediate attention."
Celeborn tilted his head and rose a brow, intrigued by her boldness. Haldir shifted his eyes to the blunt she-elf and Lady Galadriel lowered hers, studying the pair.
"There is a rift between you and Haldir concerning the mortal King."
Tauriel, who was growing accustom to the Lady's intrusive gift, kept her head even and face clear of any emotion as she silently replied, "It is over a very trivial matter, my lady. Nothing you need concern yourself with." She replied, keeping check of her thoughts so as not to be disrespectful.
"Haldir does not believe so. Braiding of another elf's hair is quite an intimate gesture, and your greeting with the mortal seems to speak of something deeper than friendship."
"A bonded soul does not always lead to romance, my lady, but simply an unbreakable sense of loyalty with a kindred spirit. I raised Bain as I would my own; I taught him everything I know, from fighting to the trifle domestic parts of life, and I have sworn to protect him with my life. I went from being his mother to his closest companion, and I see no reason to change the innocent conduct we have shared in since his childhood simply because a Captain of the Guard finds discomfort in it." Tauriel answered, keeping her face masked as Haldir and Celeborn continued the previous conversation without them.
Lady Galadriel closed her eyes and inclined her head ever so slightly, "You and I are in agreement, Tauriel Athelas."
"We shall adjoin to the Hall to discuss this matter further, Cainir?" Celeborn beckoned in his dry drawl, motioning a young elven forward, "Will you escort the ladies to the garden? I am sure Tauriel Athelas has had a long enough journey and wishes to retire."
"As the messenger," Tauriel stepped up and Lady Galadriel watched with open interest, "I feel it is my duty to Lord Elrond and King Bain to be in the discussion. I was sent to secure an alliance between Lothlórien and Dale; I tend to see it through."
Celeborn looked to Haldir for an answer, but the Captain, who was use to her off beat character, simply stiffened a sign and inclined his head.
"Very well, if you will follow me." Celeborn gestured to the far arch as the young Cainir stepped forward and escorted Lady Galadriel to the gardens.
"I look forward to speaking to you further, Tauriel Athelas."
Tauriel tipped her head in respect, her expression still lacking friendship, "And I you, my lady." With that, she turned on her heel and started before the men, ready to have the matter settled.
XxX
"I am amazed by your strategically knowledge of not only Dale but the surrounding areas and your through understanding of the different fighting styles and approaches." A clearly impressed Celeborn complimented. It was obvious this was a rarity, especially with it being directed to a she-elf, for all the attendants of the Council looked to each other with an expression of shock.
Tauriel bowed her head, feigning humility.
"We will await the arrival of King Thranduil before deciding on how to intervene. He will need at least 5,000 men to hold his borders since he has yet to full rebuild his army since the last great war. We might have to split the army into two but I will need to hear his case first."
The she-elf visibly stiffened, "E-excuse me, my lord?"
Celeborn had a servant pour him a drink and offered one to Tauriel, who politely declined the too sweet drink. She had grown used to the taste of yeasty ale and left behind the fruit filled drinks of the Elves.
"King Thranduil had already requested a meeting to discuss protecting the borders of Mirkwood; the shadow of Dol Guldur grows stronger each day and threatens his kingdom." The Sindar explained, taking a sip from his glass, "Is there something wrong, Tauriel Athelas?"
"No, my lord." Tauriel forced out, her eyes wide and nervous, "If you will excuse me, I need to attend to another matter."
Celeborn narrowed his shifting opal eyes, studying the young elf, "Very well, I will send a messenger to fetch you tomorrow when the King has arrived. Any one of the Court servants will be able to show you to your temporary quarters when you are in need of them."
"Thank you, my lord." She quickly bowed, first to the Lord and then to his Captain, before rushing out of the door.
"What an interesting elven. Her time among Men has indeed changed her." Celeborn commented, "Though, I can't believe even a Silvan would allow themselves to live amongst Dwarves for such a long time. It has indeed loosened the manners King Thranduil attempted to instill in her."
"Indeed, sire." Haldir commented, standing at attention and relaxing only when the others were dismissed, "Lord Elrond seems to have taken her into his council and she seems to have an attachment to the ruler of Dale, as well an unbreakable bond to those of Erebor and the Iron Hills."
"Yes, tales of Tauriel Athelas have perforated even our protected forest." Celeborn drawled, "She appears to be an heirloom of sorts."
Haldir grew uneasy at the suggestion, "Excuse me, sire, I am not sure I understand what you meant to say."
"Surly you have heard not only about her great victories in battle and her swift judgement in Court, but also the story of her banishment from Mirkwood?" Celeborn asked, surprised by his Captain.
"Indeed, sire."
"Do you know why she abandoned her post all those years ago?"
Haldir pulled back, not sure where this was going, "No, sire."
"It seems that the young elven had found herself drawn to a particular dwarven prince, the third in line to the throne to be exact." Celeborn poured himself another glass and took a long drink, "You of anyone should understand the draw of intrigue, Haldir. How dangerous it can be if not kept in check."
Haldir held his tongue, knowing he had not meant it as a question.
"She abandoned everything to follow the dwarf and he died. Legend holds that she was the reason he was killed, others say he died protecting his dying uncle." The Lord of Lothlórien said without compassion, "That was the start of her loyalty to the Dwarves, which now belongs to the new King Under the Mountain, Dain. But, that is not the only line of succession she has had her hand in. After the Battle of Five Armies, she stayed on in Dale under the ruler of King Bard, and, now, she appears to be passed on to his son, Bain." Celeborn smiled, swirling his drink, "Either she is too young to understand her naïve choices or she longs for power of her own and is playing her hand quite well."
Celeborn turned to the open window, looking down to the scene bellow as the Silvan she-elf made her way ungracefully through the crowd, "Whether it is the former or latter, it does not matter. I simply wish to see how things play out tomorrow, when the King of Mirkwood arrives to the see the company of his former Guard. Only then will we see what she is truly made of."
XxX
Tauriel found herself curled inside the nook of a tree, her knees tucked under her chin as she gazed into the depths of the forest's pools. She longed to seek out a hill to gaze upon the stars but none were to be found in the flat forest. At least the shadows here kept her concealed well enough that the few that wandered by didn't see the tear streaked woodland elf.
"Tauriel Athelas."
She jumped and drew herself further into the shadows.
"Rest, child, do not be afraid." Lady Galadriel smiled gently, her grace abounding her. She offered the young warrior her slender hand, a star like ring resting on her finger, "Will you walk with me, neth tinw?"
A spark settled in Tauriel's eyes as she was called "young star" and she took up the game, "Very well, rhîs." Tauriel accepted her hand and let herself be pulled into the light as she bestowed the title of "queen" on the great lady.
"Ahh, so you do speak Quenya and it's dialects. I have never met a Woodland Silvan that is familiar with any other tongue besides their own and Sindarin." The Lady commented as they started on their walk, "Do tell, what others do you know and how did you come about to study them?"
Tauriel took a steadying breath, "I am familiar with Quenya as well as Nandorin and Sindarin, along with its dialects, and I can hold my own in Avarin and Eldarin. I was taught not only to speak but to write in each of them. I also know some of Telerin and can understand other languages of Middle Earth, whether they are spoken or in writing."
"My, what a well-rounded she-elf you are, usually Sindarin elves don't educate the Silvans to that extent." Lady Galadriel commented, her bright eyes gave way that she already knew the answers to all her questions and was simply asking them for Tauriel's benefit.
Tauriel tightened her knife belt, which had come loose while she lamented, "Those outside of Elvish speech I taught myself during my time in Dale, but the others I was taught by King Thranduil. He never thought lowly of me simply because I was a Silvan she-elf; he took me in as one of his own and raised me as such. I owe him all I know." The thought struck her, pooling guilt within her heart.
"Just as you did King Bain."
"Quite right, my lady." Tauriel let loose a slight sigh, trying to keep her demeanor. Silently, she wondered if the Lady of the Forest would take up the same theory Annúndir and Haldir had and Tauriel wished to make it quite clear where she stood in the Court of Dale, "He used to call me Elvëa because he didn't want to dishonor his mother's memory by bestowing her title upon me."
"I do not doubt that your love for the King is anything but pure, Tauriel Athelas." Lady Galadriel clarified, putting the young she-elf at ease, "I wish simply to help you along your journey."
"And how do you propose going about it?" Tauriel felt her strength waning and her walls cracking at the Lady's sincerity, "Bain said that I have dismissed my will to live, that I have lost myself to my pain."
"That is very insightful of your young King."
Tears welled in her deep gem eyes, threatening to spill, "Yes, but he wouldn't allow me to come home." Of course she had been the one to leave, but the idea of not being welcomed back just yet was unbearable. Now she questioned why she had even considered leaving in the first place, she knew there was no other place for her but the Lonely Mountain.
"He cares deeply about you and understands that for you to find healing you must be away from the past. Some would call that love in the purest sense of the word."
"By banishing me from my home? To force me to wander Middle Earth, alone and destitute, only to then have my title called upon for errands whenever there is need? What love is that?" Tauriel demanded, letting the hurt crack into her voice. Her chest rose and fell rabidly before reason returned, "Pardon my outburst, my lady, I meant no disrespect."
"There is no need to ask my forgiveness; you were being honest and true. There is nothing wrong with your openness." Lady Galadriel stopped and turned to the young warrior, "Though you have yet, my dear child, learned what love truly is."
The words stung, piercing her old wounds. Her eyes grew scratched with pain, Kili. Had the Lady of Light cast her love aside so easily?
"Love is about sacrifice, about putting another above your own selfish desires." Lady Galadriel brushed aside a wall of ivy that revealed a dark tunnel. Tauriel hesitated but, seeing the Lady of Light boldly walk on, she followed after. The darkness waned and Tauriel found herself in a brighter, lush grove where the two could be alone.
As Tauriel walked around the perimeter, studying its beauty, her companion made her way towards a white pillar cut in half and encrusted with different blooms. A basin sat atop the piece, filled with fresh water, "You yourself have received such love once." Lady Galadriel gently nodded her golden head towards the mirror surface, which she cast her hand over.
Hesitantly, Tauriel made her way forward and peered into the depths. She wished she hadn't as the water took hold and showed her the unfolding of Kili's death. Tauriel was quick to turn away, to close herself off from the pain.
"Look." The Lady ordered gently and Tauriel obeyed.
Her heart shattered as she witnessed the death of her love once more. The water twisted and showed her clinging to his lifeless form, a smile still on his cool face as she wiped the blood from his mouth and pressed her lips to his.
If only I had done that while you still lived, she mourned, her breath trapped within her and refusing to spill out.
"This is the moment you cling too. You do not remember his life in celebration; you remember only the loss." Lady Galadriel swiped her hand across the pool and the past evaporated, leaving only Tauriel's broken reflection, "Love does not have to last a life time to be real. We can live a hundred years and still not know love as you have. You saw the sacrifice in his eyes, felt the love of his actions, yet you prefer to remember only the pain of separation instead of the joy in what you two share."
How the Lady Galadriel could take such a shattering memory and make it beautiful was beyond the young Silvan's understanding, but she dutifully nodded and took in what she said.
"It was a brief love, but held more meaning than most mortals or immortals will know in their entire life."
Tauriel continued to gaze at her ragged appearance, finding the different races that clashed within her; Elf, Man, and Dwarf. To which she belonged most, she was not certain.
"That does not mean, however, that you are cut off from love forever more." Galadriel continued softly.
Tauriel refused to meet the Lady's eye. She felt as if everyone was pushing her to be something she wished not to be. They desired her to forget Kili, to turn her love to another and become a dutiful wife and mother. But, she was not those things, she was not gifted as others were; she was a warrior and her loyalties would remain forever more in the caverns of the Lonely Mountain.
"Elves only love once in their life, I do not want to marry another and I wish they would let me alone on the matter." Tauriel whispered her thoughts aloud, her eyes locked on her reflection's as she spoke.
"You consider yourself bonded to Kili?"
Tauriel's blush colored her face, clashing with her hair, "I…I mean…" She had always considered herself claimed by her own imposition and the gift of Kili's stone, but never had she spoken such words aloud to another before.
They had only known each other for a short week but she had confided in him more than she had anyone else in her 600 years; he had truly won her heart and she did not wish to have it returned.
"I do not judge you, Tauriel Athelas, but you yourself said love does not have to be romantic in nature. Love can be found just as easily in friendship or the bond of warriors. Because you choose to reject one advance of love does not mean you should cut yourself off from the others. Personally, I admire your loyalty and I am sure your love with be gifted a chance to grown when you have passed over."
"You believe dwarves and elves will dwell together in Aman?" Tauriel inquired, curious of her answer, "Do you believe men and hobbits will be there as well?"
"I do not know of Eru Ilúvatar plan for His creation, and I do not wish to tell Him what is right or wrong. What I do know," Lady Galadriel smiled softly, "Tauriel Athelas, Friend of Man, Daughter of Dwarf, Beloved of Kili, is that you must find yourself worthy of his sacrifice and honoring of the love given to you, not only from Kili but Bard and the others as well. No one expects you to give up his memory, just the pain of his passing."
With each title, Tauriel found herself embracing the gifts she had been given.
"You have been granted life, neth tinw, do not let Kili's sacrifice be for not."
Tauriel kept silent, accepting her words and trying to figure out what to do with them.
"And you need not fear your past, either. King Thranduil is a man who has loved and lost, just as you have. But he walled himself off to life, just as you have begun to, and has caused his kingdom ruin. Do you wish to follow his lead?"
The reality of her words hit the young elf like a storm of arrows. She had always assumed she had left Thranduil's path long ago when, in reality, she had been treading alongside the old king all this time.
"It is something to consider." Lady Galadriel tucked her hands together and took her leave without further word.
Tauriel remained alone in the center of the grove, gazing at her reflection and thinking over everything that was said, not just from today but in her conversations with Lord Elrond and Bain.
"A mix of Elf, Dwarf, and Man, yet…I don't belong to any one kingdom." Of course, she had always found herself torn between Dale and Erebor, her title held her to Dale but her heart pulled to Erebor, but, now, she found another kingdom requesting her loyalty: that of the Elves, of Rivendell and Lothlórien. An argument could be made for Mirkwood, as well, because the more she chose to look at the good instead of the bad the more she saw the wrongs she had done to the man she had once considered her Father.
She dropped to her knees and let herself linger in the dewed grass. Tauriel had no choice but to stay until a decision was reached concerning the fate of Dale and that would mean coming face to face with her once King, who had been the sole keeper of her loyalty years ago.
As her thoughts turned away from the past, Tauriel took comfort in the Lady of Lothlórien's words. Maybe Annúndir had been right that night long ago; she would be reunited, one day, with not only Kili but Bard and all the others she had lost.
The idea stirred a spark of life with in her; she had thought their deaths were the end of their soul but, in fact, it was just the beginning. And that thought was enough to force herself away from the solace of the garden and face the unknown tomorrow head on.
XxX
A/N ~ To Deneb105, I wanted to reply to your review personally but you have the PM disabled. I just wanted to say thank you so much for your kind words in your review for Ch. 4. They were so sweet and encouraging, you made my day. I hope I don't disappoint and thank you! :)
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