No Laughing Matter Genderbend

by Jeaustin

The Following is A Genderbend version of the Episode No Laughing Matter

The following is a Genderbend version of the transcript for the episode"No Laughing Matter"

[One morning in the kitchen, Linka comes in yawning in her pajamas while Lane pours a glass of fruit juice.]

Lane:"Hey, Linka. Want some punch?"

Linka:"Sure!"

[Lane takes out an extendable boxing glove and punches his brother with it, sending her flying and screaming through the kitchen and laughs at her expense.]

Lane:"If that jokeknockedyou out, don't miss my performance in the Junior Comedian's Contest this Saturday at the Chortle Portal."[holds up a flyer for the contest and gives it to Linka.]"It's sure to generate a lot of..."[offers to help Linka up, and shocks her with a joy buzzer in his hand.]"...buzz!"[laughs and runs off]

[Loki and Loni are putting on some face masks in the bathroom. Loki with a facial cream and Loni with cucumbers. Lane barges in, making them ruin their faces.]

Lane:"Did you guys hear that the lipstick and the eyeliner got into a fight? Don't worry. They'llmakeup!"[laughs and nudges Loni]"Get it?"

[Loki and Loni sigh as Lane gives them a flyer.]

Lane:"Come see me perform in the Junior Comedian's Contest this Saturday. It'll definitely leave you feeling..."[flushes the toilet]"...flushed!"

[Luke screams from the toilet flushing because the water became hot. Lane gives his older brother a flyer much to his annoyance. Levi is busy working on some chemicals only for Lane to barge in.]

Lane:"Hey, Levi, what's 3.14159?"

Levi:"Pfft. Don't waste my time. That's pi."

Lane:"Did you saypie?"[pelts Levi with one and laughs]"I'll beservingup a big slice of comedy at the Chortle Portal, Saturday night."[gives Levi a flyer]

[Levi wipes her glasses' lenses with the flyer. Lynn and Lars' room.]

Lane[knocking on Lars' coffin]"Knock knock!"

Lars[from inside]"Who's there?"

Lane:"Ivan."

Lars:"Ivan who?"

Lane[opens the coffin holding Edwina as Lars hissed; Transylvanian accent.]"Ivan to suck your blood!"

Lars:"Please don't touch Edwina."[takes Edwina back and closes his coffin.]

Lane:"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to be apain in the neck!"[laughs]"Hey, come see my act at the Chortle Portal.[puts the flyer inside the coffin]I promise it won'tbite!"[laughs]

[As he leaves, he places a whoopee cushion on Lars' desk where Lynn arrived with his football and sits down and falls for the trick.]

Lane:"Gaswhat? You're invited, too!"[gives Lynn a flyer]

[Lexx and Leif's room. Lexx is having a tea party with his dolls.]

Lexx:"Thank you all for coming to my tea party. Who would like a finger sandwich?"'[offers them]

[Mrs. Coconuts suddenly appears on the tray.]

Mrs. Coconuts:"Finger sandwich? I was hoping for toe-fu! Har har! Get it, sir?"

[Lexx gets annoyed as Lane gives him a flyer.]

Lane:"Don't be adummy. Come to my show."[gives more to Lexx's dolls and leaves.]

[The living room. The other siblings are talking about what Lane did to them earlier.]

Linka:"I got punched!"

Luke:"I got flushed!"

Levi:"I got pie'd."

Lexx[unimpressed]"Toe-fu? Really?"

[Enter Leif with an egg yolk and a flyer on his head; he sighs.]

Linka:"Let me guess. Lane?"

Leif:"Ugh. He said he had a "yolk" that would "crack me up". PS: it didn't."

[Lane is coming downstairs with Mrs. Coconuts and hears what they're saying.]

Lynn:"I can't wait for his Chortle Portal thing to be over.[while bouncing his basketball]He's been driving me nuts!"

Lexx[getting a his nails cuts by Loni]"Tell me about it! It's not even funny! It's just obnoxious!"

Loni:"He's so annoying!"

Linka:"I wish he would just stop!"

Lexx:"Yeah!"

Loni:"Totes!"

Loki:"Seriously!"

Leif:"I know! It's not cool!"

[Upon hearing this, Lane becomes depressed, closes Mrs. Coconuts' eyes, and walks back upstairs.]

[The next day, same setup as yesterday with Linka and Lane.]

Linka[notices Lane pouring fruit punch and flinches.]"Oh, boy. Is that punch?"

Lane:"Yep. Want some?"

Linka[holding a skillet]"Not this time!"[She holds it up for protection, but to her surprise, Lane just pours a glass and gives her some.]"Oh. Thanks?"

[Lane walks off and goes to the bathroom to see Loku and Loni doing what they did yesterday.]

Lane:"Hey, guys, do you know what happened to my hairbrush?"

Loki[annoyed]"I don't know, Lane. Whatdidhappen to your hairbrush?"

Lane:"Oh. Never mind. There it is."[takes it and leaves much to the befuddlement of his older brothers.]

Luke[pops his head out of the shower.]"That was totally weird, dudes."

Loni:"I know. He didn't even do this."[flushes the toilet, again making Luke scream from the hot water.]

[Levi and Leon's room]

Levi[finishing a math equation]"Chyeah! I solved it! I do not know why Pythagoras couldn't hack this one. It's a piece of cake."

Lane[enters]"Did you just say piece of cake?"

Levi[nervous]"Oh, boy. Here comes the dessert projectile!"[puts on a gas mask for protection.]

Lane[looking at the equation]"'Cause it looks really hard to me. Congratulations."[shakes Levi's hand and leaves]

Levi[baffled]"Felicitations instead of frosting? I don't understand."

[Lane goes into Lars and Lynn's room.]

Lans[knocking]"Knock knock."

Lars and Lynn[sarcastic]"Who's there?"

Lane:"Me. I need to borrow a dollar."

Lars and Lynn[expecting a punchline]"Me. I need to borrow a dollar who?"

Lane[annoyed] "Fine. If you're not gonna help me, I'll just go ask Lexx."[leaves]

[Lars and Lynn look at each other shocked. Lexx is having another tea party in his room. Enter Lane.]

Lane:"Hey, Lexx, can I borrow a dollar?"

Lexx[thinking it's a pun]"Oh, heh-heh. I get it.Doll-ar."[points to his doll]"Very funny."[awkwardly realizes]"Oh. You...actually want a dollar."[unzips his teddy bear, gets out his cash stash, and gives Lane a dollar.]

Lane:"Thanks."[leaves]

[The other siblings are in the kitchen having a snack.]

Lexx:"Okay, you guys, Lane's been acting really weird. He just asked me for money but didn't make any joke or pun about it."

Leif[jokingly]"Oh? He didn't want anycheddar? Orlettuce? Orbread?"[pulls out one part of his sandwich on each word in the form of a pun and Lexx shakes his head no; shocked.]"Whoa. Thatisweird."

Levi:"Come to think of it, he missed the perfect opportunity to cake me."

Lars:"He knocked on my coffin just to ask for a dollar."

Loni:"Maybe we should see if he's okay."

Linka[relieved]"Or...maybe we should just be grateful for the break. I say we celebrate."

Levi:"Agreed. We can finally enjoy pie without having it propelled into our faces."[opens the fridge and takes out a pie]"Let's seize this opportunity!"

[The others cheer]

[Later, Linka is dragging a garbage bag.]

Linka:"Trash call! I'm coming in!"[enters Lane and Luke's room and finds the waste bin filled with familiar flyers and goes to Lane, who's reading on his bed.]"Oh. Lane, you accidentally put your flyers in the trash."

Lane:"No accident. I'm not entering the contest. In fact, I'm out of the comedy game."

Linka[puts down Lane's book, shocked]"What? Why would you give up the thing you love most?"

Lane:"Because I heard what you all said about me the other day."

Linka:"Look. We didn't mean that stuff. We were just venting. See, you've been so in our faces lately. I'm sure it's just because you're getting ready for your show."

Lane[carrying all her props]"You don't have to make excuses, Linka. I get it. I'm not funny. I'm annoying. In fact, while you've got that trash bag..."[tosses his notebook in it]"Joke notebook, trash."

Linka:"No, Lane, youarefunny!"

Lane[tosses his gag glasses in the trash]"Funny nose and glasses, trash."

Linka:"We didn't mean-"

Lane[tossing his whoopee cushions]"Whoopee cushions, trash. It's okay, Links. You did me a favor. If I'm annoying to my own family, think how annoying I'd be to an audience full of strangers."[kisses Mrs. Coconuts and drops her in the trash bag.]

Linka[flabbergasted]"Wha?"

Lanw:"Thanks for taking out the trash."[pushes her out of his room and closes the door.]

[In the kitchen, the other brothers are enjoying the pie.]

Linka:"Guys, put down the pie."

Lexx[frantically tosses his slice out the window.]"Why? Is it going to explode?"

Linka:"No, and it never will again. Lane heard everything we said about him, and now he's giving up comedy!"

Loni:"Wow. Then his show at the Chortle Portal is gonna be really bad."

Linka[shakes Loni]"No, he's not doing the Chortle Portal!"

[The brothers gasp]

Lexx:"But that was a big deal for him! He wrote about it in his diary!"[notices all of them turning to and glaring at him; nervously.]"Probably!"

Loki:"We have to convince him to do the show!"

Leif:"We've got until tomorrow night. We can come up with something."

Linka:"Already did. Guys, huddle up."

[They all huddle]

[The hallway. Lexx is whistling casually and hears the bathroom door opening. He takes out a banana, peels it, and tosses the peel on the floor right on cue as Lane walks in.]

Lexx[acting]"Uh-oh! I dropped my banana peel! I wouldn't want anyone to slip on it!"[awaits Lane's response]

Lane:"Maybe then pick it up."[walks downstairs as Lexx looks sad.]

[The kitchen. Linka has a bunch of pies.]

Linka[acting]"Hey, Lane! I just made six cream pies, but I can't think of what to do with them!"[awaits]

Lane:"I don't know. You could eat two, I guess, and then give the rest to charity."[gets an apple from the fridge and goes up to his room.]

Luke[on his drums, acting]"Man, I've been practicing my rimshots all day! If only I had a reason to bust one out!"[awaits]

Lane:"Well, good luck with that."[leaves much to the rocker's sadness.]

[Downstairs in the living room, Loki and Loni are looking out a window.]

Loki[acting]"Gee, Loni, it sure is wet outside."

Loni[acting]"How wet is it?"

[They notice Lane]

Loki:"I don't know. Lane, how wet is it?"

Lane[looks out the window]"Pretty wet, but I think it's clearing up."[walks away to their concern.]

[Sibling meeting in Loki and Loni's room.]

Linka:"Okay, everyone, clearly, the joke setups are not working."

Lynn:"I know! I'm pitching his the sweetest meatballs, and she's not even swinging!"

Linka:"Don't worry. I have another plan. We're gonna skip the jokes and go straight to the laughs."

Lynn:"What does that mean?"

Linka:"All homers and no pitches."

Lynn[inspired]"I like it!"

[They all agree and cheer.]

[The next day in the kitchen, Lynn is drinking a protein shake which Lane can't help but notice.]

Lane:"That looks gross."

Lynn[spits in his face and laughs]"Oh my gosh, Lane! Ha! Zing! Ha ha!"

[Lane looks annoyed and joins Linka who's drinking some water in the living room.]

Lane:"Hey, what are you watching?"

Linka[spits in his face and laughs]"Oh my gosh, Lane! Oh, wow. You are hilarious!"

[Lane is annoyed again. Lane is brushing his teeth in the bathroom as Luke enters.]

Luke:"Are you gonna be done in here soon?"

Luke[spits in his face and laughs]"Dude! Done in here soon! Too much, man!"

Lane[wipes the toothpaste from his face; angry]"Alright! Everyone out here, now!"

[His siblings gather with big phony smiles on their faces.]

Lane:"I see what you guys are doing, and it's not going to work. I'm done with comedy."

Loni[spits his soda in his face]"Done with comedy! Ha! Classic Lane."

Lane[frustrated]"Loni, knock it off!"

Loni[obliviously jubilant]"Who's there?"

[Lane growls and walks downstairs.]

Linka:"We can't give up!"

Loni[spits in her face]"Can't give up! Ha! Too funny! You guys, this is so much fun."

[Everyone except Leon facepalms in annoyance.]

[Later, Linka carries Lane's old props to the other brothers who are listening to something.]

Linka:"Guys! I think I've got the answer!"

Lars:"No need. Levi beat you to it."

Levi:"I've calibrated my time machine to send us back two minutes before Luan overheard us criticizing her."

Linka:"That is pretty good."

Levi:"Small disclaimer: the journey may result in our butts being in front."

Loki[immediately turning to Lincoln with his other brothers, not wanting that.]"Linka, what's your plan?"

Linka:"Well,wecan't convince Lane she's funny, right? But what if an audience can?"

Luke:"How's that gonna happen, dude?"

Linka:"Leave it to me. You just make sure he's at the Chortle Portal at 8:00."[leaves]

Leif[to Levi]"Can you still put my butt in front?"

[The Chortle Portal]

Loki:"Thanks for coming with us, Lane."

Lane:"Sure. Just because I'm not funny doesn't mean I can't enjoy someone else's comedy.[Pauses for a second]Wait, does it?"

MC:"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Junior Comedian's Night! Please give a hearty Chortle Portal welcome to our first comedian, Linka Loud!"

[The crowd cheers]

Lane[baffled]"Linka?"

[Linka runs on stage with Lane's joke notebooks. She drops them and picks them up, but hits her head on the mic which she steadies.]

Lane:"And what's she doing with my joke notebooks?"

Linka[nervously clears his throat]"Hello, Royal Woods! So, did you hear that the lipstick and the eyeliner got into a fight? Because...seven ate nine!"

Lane[gasps]That's the wrong punchline!"

Linka:"Never mind."[flips through pages]"Here's one I know you're gonna love. Why did the chickpea cross the road?"

[Lane makes a look of discomfort.]

Linka:"Wait. That doesn't make sense. Oh. Chicken! This writing is really hard to read."[tosses the notebooks and improvises]"Why did the students eat their homework? Because their teacher said it would be a piece of pie!"[hits herself with a pie]

Lane[fed up]"No, no, no!"[gets up on stage, having fallen for it. He picks up the stand with the microphone on it and pokes his sister with it.]"The punchline is piece ofcake!"[takes out a cake and hits Linka with it.]

[Everyone laughs at that bit of slapstick much to Lane's surprise.]

Lane[inspired]"Oh."[chuckles lightly]"His delivery was a littlecrummy."[the audience laughs. Lane smiles]"But don't worry. Things are about to getbatter."[the audience laughs some more]"Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce wasa head, but the tomato was trying toketchup!"

[The audience laughs, as do Lane's siblings, knowing that he's funny after all and back to his old self.]

Lane:"Why couldn't Timmy ride a bicycle? Because Timmy was a goldfish!"

[The audience continues laughing at Lane's material.]

[The next morning, Lane enters the kitchen, much to the siblings' delight.]

Loni:"There he is! The winner of the Junior Comedian's Contest!"[hugs Lane]

Lane:"Oh.[Hugs Loni back]I owe it all to you guys. Linka, thanks for stinking on purpose so I'd get up on stage."

Linka[pretending that was his plan]"Uh...yes. On purpose. Of course."[smiles nervously]

Loki:"We think you're really funny, and we're proud of you. We're sorry we said that harsh stuff about you."

Lane[gets his breakfast]"Thanks. That means a lot. And I know I can be a little bit much sometimes. I'll try to tone it down."[bumps into Leif]

Leif:"Whoops!"[trips]

[Lane tries to hold it in, not wanting to burst out into puns.]

Loki:"Go ahead. You can say it."

Lane[beams and lets it out]"Your breakfast istoast! And that's noyolkingmatter! If youscramble, you can make another!"

Linka[pats his back]"It's good to have you back."[walks away]

Lane:"Hey, why are you heading for theegg-sit? I'mbaconyou to come back!"[laughs as the iris stops on her]"Icrackmyself up."[continues laughing as the iris closes completely.]