Chapter 1
There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart
Uzumaki Naruto knows fear the way she knows the sky is blue. She sees it in the face of those who glance her way; in the hitch of breath, the frozen muscles that lock, in the sweat that beads their brows. The people of Konoha see her blood red hair, her purple eyes and the whisker marks that line her face - and are terrified.
It had dismayed her at first. The omnipresent eyes filled with terror and dread that stare, the image branding itself within her mind so fiercely that even alone she can still feel them watching. Even with her eyes closed, the fear-ridden looks have burned impressions behind her lids.
But she is Uzumaki Naruto and she is strong, so Naruto tells herself over and over that those eyes don't bother her until one day she is no longer lying.
She guards her heart like a dragon hoarding his gold, builds walls upon walls around it and when she has finished, she tells herself she is content.
She is not lonely she isn't she isn't.
She chants these words again and again, but no matter how much she does, these ones don't come true.
Naruto is not abused. No one had ever hit her, spat at her or yelled. She is served fairly by shopkeepers, restaurant owners gave her their best takeout, and her apartment remains forever undisturbed.
But parents usher their children away from her with whispers and fearful glances. Cashiers accept her money with trembling hands. Waiters always look like their lives have been spared when she says she isn't sitting in.
No one in Konoha is cruel to her.
They are far too terrified to be cruel.
Sometimes, Naruto wishes they hated her instead. Hate is an empowering emotion; it spurs people to action. Fear is a paralytic.
If they hated Naruto, at least then they would look at her; to scream, to rage, perhaps even to hit her. But at least she would be acknowledged. At least then the insidious doubt would not creep in, would not give her cause to doubt her own existence.
Why doesn't anyone see me?
I am a person. I live, I breathe, I exist.
I'm real.
She repeats these words to herself, over and over, but no matter how often she does, Naruto fails to fully believe.
Until one day she does.
She is five, nearly six when she meets him.
Uchiha Itachi.
The first person who looked at Uzumaki Naruto and saw Naruto. Just Naruto.
Naruto knows she has ANBU guards, has always known she'd had them. They were the ones who delivered food for her, cleaned her apartment, and bought all her necessities when she was too young to know how to do it herself. These ANBU were neither cruel, nor were they terrified. But neither did they care.
Looking after her is their duty, and ANBU on duty are emotionless, unavailable and most of all – unseen. Naruto tries desperately to get her minders to like her, does her best so that even one of them will deign to show her the tiniest scrap of affection; but how can she when she can't even spot them coming and going?
Then, three months prior to her sixth birthday, her invisible caretakers begin to leave other signs of their presence besides a clean apartment and groceries.
It's just little things. Sometimes when she's had a particularly bad day, little treats will appear in her cabinets, her mugs, her fridge shelves – like miniature easter eggs hidden around her flat. They are tiny, cute ovals, wrapped in shiny gold foil and so sweet they are almost sickening.
Naruto eats each one and carefully saves the foil in a jewellery box she uses a week's worth of her stipend on.
It isn't the sweets that are so precious; it is the extension of care beyond what is necessary that so touches her.
These tiny scraps of affection aren't enough to sate Naruto's hunger for more, and soon her hunt for her ANBU guard's identity is underway. They're a shinobi, but Naruto is nothing if not persistent. She sets rudimentary traps at all the entrances, sprinkles sand on the floor to see their footprints, and even explodes a bag of flour in the kitchen in case they are invisible.
When the dark of night enfolds her in her bed and the loneliness screams ever louder, Naruto even begs and pleads to the emptiness for her someone to save her.
And for the first time in her life – somebody answers.
Uzumaki Naruto meets Uchiha Itachi face-to-face for the first time in a small, run-down grocery store near her apartment. She's six and buying groceries, following the instructions the Hokage gave her during his last visit. Naruto collects what is familiar but struggles with vegetables and fruits. How is she supposed to know which ones are good to take?
A boy not yet in his teens approaches her and helps her choose ripe pears, pick the correct bag of rice and checks cartons for cracked eggs. He even helps carry her heavy bags home.
He leaves Naruto a mixture of confused, suspicious and cautiously hopeful.
When unpacking, she finds a packet of golden candies in her shopping bags. This was her first-time shopping – Naruto had agonized over every item and knows she didn't put them in her basket.
She weeps – the first time her tears were borne of joy, a feat she hadn't even known was possible – while clutching the sweets close to her. She places one in her mouth, and even mixed with the salt of her tears, they are cloyingly sweet.
She has never tasted anything better.
As if meeting him has broken a dam to never be repaired, all semblance of anonymity flies out the window and whenever Itachi is on duty, he no longer bothers to hide.
Itachi is the one who teaches her to read, patiently tracing out the hiragana and katakana in storybooks he brings just for her. When they finish, he spends the evenings speaking of history. Naruto has no real interest in the squabbles of yesteryears, but Itachi enjoys it, and she likes to hear him speak. He never looked as relaxed when she had begged him to tell her what a real shinobi does. He doesn't like talking about his missions, Naruto can tell.
Itachi almost always looks sad or stressed. His solemn face normally concealed behind his mask is always politely neutral, and his features lend him a soft look. But Naruto knows. She recognizes that behind his politeness and manners, Itachi isn't happy.
However this unhappiness melts in the face of Naruto's own infectious cheer, and she regales him of the stray cats she's fed, the plants growing on her rooftop, and the new kanji she's learnt that day.
Beneath the light of Itachi's smile, Naruto blooms, feeling like one of her flowers finally finding the sun.
Uzumaki Naruto joins the ninja academy when she is six of her own volition. It is not because she wants to gain strength, because she is already strong and no one will tell her otherwise. It's not because she wants to gain respect, because Naruto doesn't care for intangible, ephemeral things like that. No, her reason is far simpler.
Uchiha Itachi is a ninja; the one person in the world who looks at her and sees Naruto as she is, who likes her for who she is – is a ninja.
To Naruto, who associates civilians with eyes of fear, the shinobi she knows are more varied in their reactions.
The Hokage looks at her with sadness, nostalgia and pity, something Naruto detests. Some look at her the same way as the civilians do, but most are simply cautious and wary instead of fearful.
Only Itachi is kind. He sees her and smiles, he listens to her when she speaks, and when she is with Itachi she never once doubts that she is real.
When she's with Itachi, nothing else matters.
Some of the girls in her class make each other friendship bracelets. Naruto spends a week painstakingly carving wooden beads into a little fan and spiral, painting them in red, white and orange, then weaving them together.
When she presents the bracelet to Itachi, blushing shyly and with painful hope cradled in her breast, the ninja bestows her with such a beautiful smile it momentarily steals her breath. The bracelet is stark on his pale skin, and he helps fasten her own matching one, hands gentle. Then he taps her on the forehead, laughing as she yelps at the slight sting. In that moment the cold glaring eyes stop haunting her, and she feels something warm and light blossom within.
Naruto doesn't know what love is; she has never had anyone love her, has never had anyone to love.
But she imagines it feels something like this.
She gets two years with him. Two wonderful years with her friend.
And then he disappears.
The Hokage tells her that Itachi murdered his entire family, that he killed Konoha shinobi as he escaped the village, that he is an S-class criminal – all the while looking at her with those old, dark eyes filled with pity.
As if his pity is any use to her.
Uzumaki Naruto's world shatters that day and she spends the subsequent week practically catatonic, wandering about in a daze. She still cannot remember what she did in the days following Itachi's abandonment of Konoha.
She's not sure when or why, but one day she simply awakens filled with this burning, all-consuming resolve.
Naruto will hunt Itachi down and force him to tell her his reasons.
Why he killed his family. Why he left Konoha. Why he left her.
Why he didn't take her with him.
The day she returns to the academy she makes a beeline straight for the small library they have available to students. Naruto hates theoretical books. The textbooks she's read have been dull and always make things seem more complicated than they are.
But she needs to become a ninja in order to track Itachi down, and so a ninja she will be.
Naruto makes a face and reluctantly reaches for the shelves.
Uchiha Sasuke turns up in class one month later, and his presence is what saves Naruto from the doubt she is drowning in. She hadn't known that he was alive, but here he is, proof that the Itachi she knew was not false.
People say Itachi went mad. That he snapped and murdered everyone. That his mind had broken beneath the strain of being a ninja at such a young age.
And Naruto – she hadn't wanted to believe them. She didn't believe them. But blind faith is difficult, especially when the Uchiha district is a ghost town, when he vanished without a word. So when she lays eyes on Uchiha Sasuke, Naruto almost cries tears of relief.
Because Naruto knows that if there is one truth in the world, it is that Uchiha Itachi loves his little brother.
The fact that he is alive; here is the validation she was looking for. She is right. He didn't snap from the stress – or if he did then not fully – and there is a reason Itachi killed everyone because he chose to leave his brother alive.
It feels like the weight of the sky has lifted from her chest and she can finally breathe again.
If Naruto excuses herself from class and snivels quietly in the bathroom for a short while, she is the only one who will ever know.
Naruto graduates the academy at age ten, having scraped through the theoretical curriculum with very average marks and scoring near the top in practical tests. She is summoned by the Hokage and told about human sacrifices. About jinchuuriki.
This...changes everything, and nothing.
It is the explanation that she has been waiting to hear her entire life, only it's far too late. Now that she knows she only cares about how it will affect her search for Itachi.
Konoha has only one jinchuuriki, and while she doesn't really understand the magnitude of such a title yet, she isn't stupid. She knows they won't let such an asset leave.
But one day Naruto will be strong enough, and nothing and nobody will be able to stop her.
She will find Itachi, even if it takes her a hundred years of searching.
It's the promise of a lifetime.
I know, I know, starting another when I have so many ongoing? I couldn't help it. I was in an extraordinarily angsty mood, and I thought if I was already angsting I might as well put it to good use.
This is completely and utterly self-indulgent and I initially wasn't going to post this, but I felt there needs to be more Itachi/fem!Naruto out there. So - here we go!
The writing style is a bit different from my usual. Please tell me what you like and what you don't; I write fan fiction for my own enjoyment, but also to improve my writing skills. Honest reviews are always welcome!
~Thanks for reading~