The most random of ideas that I thought of while watching 'Everything Wrong With Paper Mario Sticker Star in 39 Minutes' by Charriii5 (I'd rate the video thirteen and up, just for swearing). I liked the concept, sooooo, I wrote it! What's the concept? Well, it's a dark take on the background of Sticker Star. That is all this writer shall say. You must read to know more.

Oh, and for the very beginning; all movies mentioned in this story were made up by me. At least the titles and the minimal story revealed. Also I had Bowser watch a cheesy romance movie because I felt like making him a lovesick sap. Or a softy. Or a dork. Or whatever you want to label him as. I don't actually think of him as liking those type of movies (at least not in my heacanon, but this ain't it, so freedom? lolz).

Lastly, this story is meant to be a joke. Not a joke as in, it's humorous and silly, it's in the sense that I don't seriously think this is how it works. This isn't how I see the Paper Mario universe. I DO see it at separate from the 'main world', but not quite like this. You'll get what I mean in a bit. I hope.

And because I am so nice (or so mean) I have split this would-be one shot up into parts just for this site! Aren't I wonderful! You can thank (or hate) me later.

Disclaimer: Rated T for swearing, mild description of injury (not so much violence, tho), themes of control and manipulation, disability frustration, and i guess on super duper so tiny it hardly even matters suggestive comment. It still gotta go in the disclaimer.

"Go, Asla! You'll die if you stay!" Saladar begged, his face screwed up in a grimace as he tried to pull his legs free from the burning rubble.

"I won't leave you! I can't bear to imagine life without you! We'll die together or not at all!" Asla declared, her eyes swimming with tears.

Bowser leaned forwards, his heart pounding. He shoved more popcorn in his mouth. They were going to kiss… he knew it. Oh, he hoped they would both survive. Damn it, if they died, he was going to find whoever made the movie and burn down their studio. They moved closer… Come on…

The two Koopas pressed close in a kiss. Bowser beamed. His tail thumped against his bed. Yes! YESSS! He slid onto his chest, letting out a long sigh. He could imagine him and Peach in that exact situation. Well, he'd rather not be trapped in a burning hotel— or any building, but they were the ones getting deep into a kiss. They were holding each other close, filling their senses with each other, slowing the entire world around them to a hal—

*CRASH!*

Bowser squawked, his heart palpitating and adrenaline pulsing through his limbs. His head whipped over to the television upon hearing Asla's screams. The girl had fallen through a hole, and Bowser covered his mouth as she fell in slow motion, the flames reaching out to swallow her up. Saladar let out a wail of anguish. All other sounds faded to give way for his stifling sobs. Bowser jerked his eyes away from the screen. Sirens moaned from the speakers. Asla was dead. Unless she was fire-resistant, there was no way… there just was no way.

Bowser glanced back. Saladar was on a stretcher, his legs evidently crushed and blackened. Bowser slammed his eyes shut. He wasn't going to see it. He wasn't going to see it. He hated the movie. Why did it have to end so sad? After all the sweetness and the kisses and the sappy comments that honestly made his heart turn to mush? They just had to throw it all away, didn't they?

A loud, hoarse cry sent shivers pulsating through Bowser's body. His eyes burned. He didn't open them. He couldn't keep watching this… He fumbled around. Where's the remote? The howl grew louder, and the slow orchestral accompanying it only added to the depressive atmosphere.

The television cut out with a click. Bowser popped open his eyes, freeing a tear in the process. He gulped, wiping it away. His fire burned hot in his chest; his face was likely scarlet. He turned towards his… savior? Mocker? Soon-to-be-burnt-to-a-crisp witness? He relaxed a little upon laying eyes upon the individual.

Kamek set the remote down on his bed. "I wouldn't recommend finishing that, if this part makes you cry."

Bowser rubbed his eyes, His face growing hot. "Stoppit…" he moaned. "I'm not crying… I got salt in my eyes." He grabbed his popcorn bucket. "The movie was boring and I fell asleep in it."

Kamek nodded. "That makes perfect sense." The dry tone in his voice hinted that he didn't believe Bowser, but the Koopa King didn't have the energy or will to argue further. "If you want to watch a nice love story, might I suggest The Apple Tree? As a forewarning, it is a little more… well, explicit in a few of its scenes, but you're fully mature."

Explicit? I dunno… He'd have to think about it. "I don't care about any stupid love movies. It… uh, was just playing. I don't know where it came from."

"Sure. In that case, you better find where it does belong." Kamek approached the television set, his claw on a path for the side-positioned movie player's eject button.

"No! Wait!" Bowser cried. He covered his mouth. Stupid!

Kamek turned his head back. "Your uninterestedness, this does not have a good ending. This is Always Love True, right?"

Bowser gulped. He nodded.

"The female was cheating the entire movie."

Bowser's jaw dropped. "What?" How could she?! How could anyone do that? Horrible selfish female!

"Asha had multiple lovers, and she never told them about each other. Sarlan, as I believe was his name, found out when the funeral was held. They all did."

Bowser growled. That's it. I'm burning the studio. "Kamek, find whoever made this movie."

Kamek's brow raised, signified by the moving brim of his hat. "Why would you want to do that?"

"I'm going to teach them a lesson on how to make a good lo-o— I meeeaaaan… Because their movie sucks." He coughed into his fist, licking his chops. Kamek didn't budge, just staring at him. Bowser growled. "GO! And I was never watching it!"

Kamek gave a slight bow, drawing out his wand. "Yes, sire. You were watching The Serpent's Heart." He flashed a grin at Bowser. "I'll leave you to it, then." With a flick of his staff, the Magikoopa vanished in a blue-clouded puff.

Bowser let out a smoking sigh. There really was no point in finishing Always Love True, especially if it had such a depressing ending. He wasn't watching those stupid romance movies to get depressed. His heart sunk. If only that wedding was real… Peach and I could be here together. But, on a different note, she hadn't been ready. It wouldn't be complete unless Peach said yes of her own will. She hadn't wanted to be married to him. Besides, he wanted the ceremony to be perfect. Not held by some weirdo in a cape. I hope she's doing okay. Maybe he could drop by sometime soon. Tomorrow sounds good… maybe I'll kidnap her, maybe I won't. It would depend on his mood.

Bowser swapped out the movies, tucking Always Love True under his bed (but not before adding a scorch mark on the case) and putting The Serpent's Heart in his movie player. He checked his popcorn level, the snack having been reduced down to the bottom. He'd call someone over to refill it. At some point. Darn it, he should have asked Kamek.

He booted up the television, settling on his stomach. He popped a few pieces in his mouth. The opening credits kicked in, and Bowser watched an underseas montage, ending with a view of an ancient-looking, seaweed-covered temple; Aquis' lair. Bowser yawned, resting his chin on the bed.

The air around him tightened, yanking his scales. Bowser yelped, springing up. He grabbed his arms, gasping. His head pounded. He was jerked up and back, pressing against an invisible barrier. He screamed, trying to flail and break free, but he was frozen in his position. The matter around him twisted and distorted into ugly greens and blacks, burning frost against his body.

Reality split.

Bowser was sucked back.

Darkness whirled around him.

The blood rushed to his head.

If he blacked out, he wasn't sure.

All he knew…

Was the orange light…

The voices…

The hot crystalline floor…

Bowser pushed himself up. His body shook, agony slicing through his head. He panted, his eyes darting around. He was in a semi-large square room, constructed entirely of glowing crystal. It was carved smooth, its colour a dull, burnt orange. The warmth that it radiated was quickly retreating, the glow fading and plunging him into darkness. Bowser growled, crouching low. His heart thumped, his blood frozen and body feeling as though it was about to give out at any moment.

Light washed over him, and he sluggishly turned himself around. Two figures stood in a large doorway. Bowser snarled at them. They… they must've done it to him. They had to have brought him here. "I-I don't know who you are, but you better send me back! Now!"

The two whispered to themselves. Bowser leaned closer, straining to pick up their words. He managed to catch a couple phrases; "…really him… can't believe it…" "…must do what…I'll go get…" Bowser swallowed. What are they talking about?

"Watch him closely," one ordered, its tone louder. It retreated and darted away.

The other stepped into the room. Bowser bared his fangs. The light flashing into his retinas allowed him to pick out the features of the individual before him; it— he (smelt like a he) was human, with a small flop of black hair, pale skin, and narrow eyes. He was wearing a rather fancy grey suit. Shame, it looked expensive. Too bad Bowser was going to burn him to a crisp.

Bowser sucked in a breath. He blinked. No heat stirred up in his torso. He gasped, putting a hand to his chest. His plastron was cold, and only now did he realise he was shivering a little. "Wh-what the hell?" He narrowed his eyes at the human, fighting to keep his voice steady, "What did you do to me?!"

"Don't worry," the human eased out, holding up his hands. "Your fire just doesn't work in this world." His arms hung limp, and he took a few steps closer, leaning a little towards Bowser. "I can't believe it's really you…" he breathed out. His mouth was parted in almost a smile, his eyes round. The gap between them started to close. Bowser held up his claws, backing away.

"Stay back!" Bowser growled. "I don't have my fire, but I can still rip you to shreds!"

The human halted. "Nobody's going to hurt you."

"What do you want with me?"

The male's gaze flicked towards the wall. "Nothing." He fiddled with his hands. He pursed his lips, his shoulders lifting. He blurted, "Can I touch you?"

Bowser reeled back, smacking the wall. He winced, slashing out with his claws. "Touch me, and you're dead." Nobody… nobody was allowed to touch him. Especially not strange humans possessing crazy crystals and powers that took his fire away from him. It was so cold… was this really what it was like for normal Koopas? So cold and… and flameless?

Footsteps pattered from beyond the door, belonging to a myriad of pairs. Bowser pressed himself closer to the wall. C'mon magic crystals! Take me home! I want to go back to my room in my castle! Take me there, now! He let out a roar and slammed a fist into the barrier. It didn't activate.

"Asahi, no!"

A swarm of humans appeared in the door, four in the forefront and each holding a weird-looking stick, with a hole carved in the narrow end and a canister jutting below. They shone a little in the light, they had to be made of metal. What the hell? Are those supposed to be weapons? Bowser snarled, roaring, "ALL OF YOU ARE SENDING ME BACK HOME! PUT ME BACK IN MY CASTLE! I'VE DONE NOTHING TO YOU!" AT LEAST I DON'T THINK I DID!

The holes of the sticks aimed at him. His breathing quickened. A sharp pop rang out. Pain pierced his shoulder. Bowser shrieked, his gaze whipping to the problem. A tiny dart was poking from his scales. He clawed it off. Pathetic! Another struck his arm, and pain jabbed his leg. A fourth bounced off his plastron. Bowser's tail lashed, and he held up his claws. He glared at the humans, but nothing else hit him. That was it? For having such powerful magic, their weapons sucked. A grin curled on his face. "Ha. Your stupid firing sticks don't work." He darted forward, grabbing the human he'd been first talking to (Asahi, was his name?) and holding him out. Asahi gasped, his grimy human fingers pressing into Bowser's. The Dragon-Koopa held back a shudder. He whipped his claws towards Asahi's head. "Send me home, or he dies."

The humans stood still. A click pierced the air. Bowser hissed.

"Hold your fire," one ordered.

It was a standstill. Neither side moved. Bowser's breathing grew heavy. Why aren't they agreeing? It'ssnot that hard. All they had to do… all they had to do… was say yes… His head grew light, his eyelids drooping. His grip slacked. Wh-what… what d'ey do… to me…? He stumbled, groaning. Asahi slipped out of his grasp, his cry fuzzy. Bowser's legs seemed to be turning to rubber. He slumped against the wall, his claws dragging down the flawless crystal. Don't… can't… passout… gonna hurt me… He toppled, crashing onto his side. His eyes closed to all but a crack, but the last step into oblivion did not come.

What was that? Who was touching him?

Hands? Human hands?

He couldn't move…

What had they done to him?

Those damn humans…

Floor sliding beneath him…

Voices… Stars, what were they saying…?

"…help… onto the…"

Where was he? What was going on?

Cold metal was touching the back of his legs and head, his tail positioned between his feet. Where was his shell? He thought he could feel it, but was he laying on his back? How…?What was that click? Why were there metal bars on his limbs and chest? He moaned, trying to force his numb body to move…

It was hopeless.

His neck was exposed to air…

Sticky fingers, plastic fingers, were tracing across his throat. Pressing down… WHAT WERE THEY DOING TO HIM!? Bowser managed to turn his head, the fog clearing out a little. He forced his eyes open. A voice cried out, faint and fuzzy, but just able to be understood.

"He's coming to! Get…" it trailed off into incoherent mumbles.

Bowser blinked several times. A human face swam before him, its flat snout— her flat snout covered by a bluish cloth. Glasses encircled her eyes, a blue covering entrapping her head. Bowser tried to growl, but a pathetic groan, almost a whimper, came out instead.

"Easy, big guy," she murmured. "You won't feel a thing." Her fingers, free of the gooey plastic, brushed his cheek. "I'm sorry about this, but when we're given orders from higher up, we have to carry them out."

Sorry about… about what? Bowser's stomach lurched. He tried to mumble a protest, but a sharp pain struck his leg. He tried to jerk away, but he couldn't move, metal restricting his body. He fixed his face in a glare, keeping his eyes on the human female. He wasn't going to let her intimidate him, even though he was Koopa-knows-where and locked on his back. He twisted his mouth, baring his fangs.

His leg was going numb, where they'd hurt him. Had they hit him with more darts?

Weight accumulated on his eyelids, growing too heavy for him to bear. He gritted his teeth, fighting to keep them open. If he closed them… game over. The humans wanted him dead, he was sure. They poisoned him. He would not submit to it.

The female reached towards his face, gently rubbing his forehead. Her fingers trailed down to his eyes, slipping his eyelids down. He huffed out a groan, trying to pull his head away, but it was just too heavy… and she kept stroking… it felt oddly nice…

They slid shut.

The final step.

Oblivion.

And I am a jerk who will make you wait for the next part.

Anyone know what's going on? (You don't have to answer aloud.)

Questions? Comments? Critiques? Let me know in a review or PM! I aim to improve with every word!