The restaurant you found was quaint and you ordered in broken French. Emily had only been able to teach you so much but you knew enough to get by. Across the street was a cafe that had a tolerable line and you quickly walked across lanes and got in line behind a woman who was taller than you. After a few minutes of the line creeping closer to the register, you noticed her cellphone fall from the pocket of her pants.
You reached out to grab the phone that had slipped and tapped her on the shoulder. As she spun around to address you, your breath caught in your throat mid-greeting and tears pricked at your eyes and your entire world started to spin.
"Hi… Emily?"
No one could have prepared you for what it felt like to be flung from the world as it came skidding to a stop. Standing in this small French cafe, your ears began to ring as your blood pressure spiked, feeling as though someone had punched you in the stomach and knocked the breath from your lungs. As your eyes began to water, you noticed dark hair devoid of its signature bangs, the slope of a pointy nose, and unmistakable umber eyes widened in surprise. It felt like someone had caught your head between a pair of cymbals as they crashed together, shaking your body to the core.
Taking some small steps backward, your entire body trembled as you brought a hand to your mouth, the forgotten cellphone clattering to the floor. This couldn't be her. You buried your wife seven months ago. You turned away from the woman and ran, feeling suffocated and desperate for fresh air. Your lungs began to heave as you fled the cafe, fingers clawing at your chest while you ran. Down the block you found a park and slid to the ground against a tree, pushing your head between your knees and pulling gently at your hair as you cried. A mantra looped in your head, Emily is dead, you're okay. Emily is dead, you're okay.
As your breathing slowed, you sat up a little straighter, watching as some kids ran after a frisbee on the lawn. It was then you felt someone sit down next to you on the ground so you turned away, furiously swiping at your cheeks so that the stranger wouldn't see that you had been crying. You heard the stranger clear their voice and with a final swipe at your cheeks, you turned to face them.
What you saw next to you was the woman from whom you had just fled and you felt the tears well up in your eyes. You moved to stand but the woman stopped you with a hand on your arm, adorned with the rings you had placed on them exactly one year ago. You once again began to tremble, tears falling furiously down your cheeks.
"No," you cried into the air. "No, no, this isn't happening."
Your name slipped from her lips, reverent and pleading. With that one word, you collapsed into her arms, burying your head in her neck.
"Emily."
You didn't know how many days had passed since you sat in the cold waiting room of a hospital in a city you didn't know and your whole world was ripped away from you. Penelope and Morgan had taken you home and tucked you into your bed where you laid awake, catatonic until the sun rose again. Sergio came to lay on your chest and that was where he had stayed, day in and day out as you barely managed to breathe.
The boys all took their spots, one strong hand gripped on the metal bars lining your wife's casket, the other swinging gently at their sides. You walked close behind, Penelope and JJ flanking you on either side. The fabric of your black dress scratched against your knees and your shoes sunk into the grass as you followed along the path set before you. The sun was shining bright and you couldn't help but think to yourself, of course there isn't a cloud in the sky on the day I lose my wife forever.
The funeral itself had been a long affair. Elizabeth Prentiss had insisted that Emily be laid to rest with a full Catholic service and you couldn't find the motivation to tell her that Emily would rather be given a lap dance by a sweaty, smelly man than have anything to do with the Catholic church. Dozens and dozens of people you didn't know shook your hand and offered their condolences. You couldn't really understand why someone who didn't know you or your wife would come and grieve her loss just to uphold their stature as politicians. Your best friend never left your side through the whole thing and ushered you away from the crowds when everything became too much.
The boys placed Emily's casket on the metal contraption that would be used to lower her into the ground. Everyone gathered around with a single red rose clutched in their hands. The priest did not follow you to the cemetery at JJ's behest, she knew that Emily would have wanted this to be a familial affair and could see the relief in your eyes when comforting faces were the ones that offered final words. You were able to hold yourself together until Spencer stood in front of the crowd unexpectedly to speak.
"Emily and I spent a lot of time together talking about books and foreign films. I have an eidetic memory, so I remember every word of everything we shared with one another. Not too long ago, I found her scrolling on a poetry website, trying to find one that she once read in a book she gave to her wife. Her face was a little red and her breathing shallow and before she could hide it away from me, I saw this poem and I want to share it with you today."
Spencer looked at you before he began to recite the words he knew you needed to hear.
"If tomorrow starts without me and I'm not here to see,
If the sun should rise you find your eyes all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things we didn't get to say
I know how much you love me, as much as I love you
And each time that you think of me, I know you'll miss me, too.
I had so much to live for, so much left yet to do.
It seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.
But then I fully realized that this could never be,
For emptiness and memories would take the place of me.
So when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me, I'm right here in your heart."
Not even two lines into the poem you began to cry and by the end, gut-wrenching sobs were shaking your body. Penelope and JJ each wrapped an arm around your waist to hold you steady. Your knees began to shake, and your head began to spin in wild circles as you thought of all the things you and Emily would never get to do.
She would never take you to Europe and show you where she grew up. She would never get to read the pamphlets on LGBTQ+ adoption that you picked up one day on your way home from the gynecologist. You would never get to dance with her under the light of the stars, giggling boisterously as you crept closer and closer to the edge of the lake where your childhood home sat.
You would never hear her laugh again.
You didn't know why that particular thought was the one that send you spiraling. Black shadows crept in the edges of your vision as you fought desperately to stay in the moment. You could see in front of you your hands as you placed the first rose onto the box of wood holding what was left of your wife. The world went silent as everyone filtered away and only you were left with the BAU team to watch as Emily was slowly lowered into the ground.
You didn't know if you would ever be able to get back up.
You didn't know how long you sat in Emily's arms and cried, her hand soothing up and down your back and her shoulders gently shaking. Long fingers tangled in your hair as she murmured in your ear.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," she repeated like a mantra. When you pulled back, you were met with pink, puffy eyes and flushed cheeks. You took her in, really took her in. There your dead wife was, alive and breathing, holding you in her arms. With a gentle tug, you freed your right hand and slowly traced your fingers on her face, ghosting over her cheekbones that glistened with gentle and slow tears, down the slope of her nose, and onto her lips where you could feel her unsteady breath puff from her nose.
When you finally dared meet her eyes, a question fell from your lips. "How?"
Emily reached up to grasp the hand touching her lip, "Take me to where you're staying, I will explain everything."
Still in shock, you let her guide you with a hand on your back to the hotel, instinctively knowing that you would have chosen to stay at the same place you had talked about all that time ago. The ride in the elevator was completely silent and as you approached the door. Your hands were shaking so hard that you couldn't get it open. Emily reached around you, grabbing the access card and swiping into the room.
A gentle push on the small of your back guided you to the bed and you sat, shifting slightly away from Emily as she joined you. A long silence stretched between the two of you, only broken when you noticed your wife stretch her hand to reach for you but quickly pull it back before she could touch.
"I– I don't understand." You watched your hands as you anxiously clasped your fingers together and rubbed your thumb against your palm. Emily sniffled a little, neither of you able to stop emotions from running rampant through your bodies. Now that the initial shock was starting to wear off, you could feel the anger and hurt bubbling in your chest.
"Y/N, I am so sorry–" Emily began before you quickly cut her off.
"I know, you've already said that, Em." Giving some grace, you looked up from the floor to look at Emily. She seemed to melt, ever so slightly, tension minutely releasing from her jaw. She sucked her lip between her teeth before giving a harsh exhale and fidgeting with her thumbs. The guilt and regret were palpable in the air as her eyes bore into you.
"After I made it out of surgery alive, Hotch made the decision that I needed to be relocated to keep all of us safe. Once I was stable, I was airlifted to Bethesda and stayed there under an alias until I was able to fly out of the country. I flew with JJ here to Paris and she gave me three different identities and enough money to keep me afloat. They needed to fake my death so that Doyle wouldn't come after the team, wouldn't come after you."
You took in the information, overwhelmed by what she was telling you. Your mind was swirling with a hundred questions and thoughts, barely able to slow down enough to comprehend what was going on.
"Hotch knew? JJ knew?" Your words were slow, lilted with disbelief as you found a particular thread in your shirt very interesting, trying your hardest to keep your composure though your heart was hammering from your chest. You screwed your eyes shut and wound your hands tightly into your top.
"Yes." Emily's response was simple and tense, almost expecting an explosive response. Instead, you looked back at your wife with watery eyes, a quivering lip, and heartbreak.
"Why– why didn't they tell me," you pleaded as you bit back a sob, feeling betrayed by the only family you had ever really known, ever grown to trust. Your arms started to wrap around your torso as you curled in on yourself, feeling the hurt as it radiated through your bones. "I'm your wife, Emily, why didn't they tell me!" The words fell from your mouth like it was poison oozing from your veins, fingernails clawing at your sides as you desperately tried to hold yourself together.
Emily's heart tore out of her chest as she watched you crumble. Not able to restrain herself anymore, she reached out to wrap one arm around your back, pulling you into her side, and used her free hand to gently wipe at your face.
"I'm so sorry, my love. They didn't have a choice, please, please believe me. None of us wanted this to happen but Doyle and his men are smart. They couldn't fake your death, too, without tipping him off."
Her words did very little to soothe your ache, but you were starting to understand. You let yourself relax into her embrace, placing your head on her shoulder. Even with the conflicting feelings racing through your mind, your wife's presence was just as calming as it ever was.
You sniffled a little as you subconsciously rubbed your head on the shoulder of Emily's blouse at the same time causing you both to freeze. You could feel a slight rumble in her chest as you started to silently giggle. Moving back just a little, you noticed a tiny mark on her shoulder where your head was, obviously caused by tears, but it made you break into a peal of uncontrollable laughter. You gently smacked your hand against Emily's chest and noticed as her face turned from a grimace to barely contained giggles to a euphoric cackle that made her eyes shine in the way that you had missed so much. The two of you laughed until your stomachs hurt, finding catharsis in the absurdity of the situation you had found yourselves in.
When you finally got a good look at Emily, you noticed the dark bags under her eyes. As she sobered from the laughter, you could see the fear and grief swimming in her expression. With a slow, careful motion, you cupped her cheek and for the first time in seven months, you saw the love you had desperately ached for. As you leaned forward, she met you halfway to connect your lips. Emily reached to tangle her fingers in the hair at the nape of your neck, pulling you tightly against her body. You melted into her as your lips and tongues reunited in a dance they had perfected long ago. Her lips were soft and plush but you could feel the little worry lines on the bottom that perfectly matched her front teeth. The kiss was sensual, conveying the emotion neither of you could verbalize.
Emily pulled away first, taking a deep breath and pressing her forehead against your own. Her eyes remained shut as she breathed you in; you could only imagine that this was nearly as surreal to her as it was to you. As upset as you were with her disappearance, you knew that Emily couldn't have had an easy time while she was gone. Though you were still alive, you had been effectively removed from her life just as she had been yours.
"I've missed you so much." Her voice was quiet, almost timid, a tone that was foreign coming from your wife. Your heart ached for this woman, knowing her past of never being on the receiving end of lasting, unconditional love. Emily was so afraid that her betrayal would ruin everything, that she would lose you forever.
"Look at me, Emily." She slowly lifted her head and opened her eyes to look at you. "I love you." You grabbed both of her hands in yours as she floundered for words.
"We have a lot we need to talk about, I'm still hurting and angry as hell, but I love you so much, Emily. You're my wife and I trust that every decision has been made to keep you safe. I know you haven't hurt me on purpose."
Relief rolled off of Emily's shoulders in waves, her posture returning to that of the confident, resilient woman you fell in love with. "I love you, too. So much." You fell back into each other, this time simply holding each other as you breathed in and out, sliding the missing pieces of yourselves back into the other. Not long after, you slowly and thoroughly kissed, drinking each other in with tenderness, reveling in the intimacy of being in your wife's arms.
The gentle touches were soon not enough and you shifted to straddle Emily's lap, her hands instinctively wrapping around your waist and pulling you in close. Your hands pushed into her hair, twisting tightly like you're afraid that if you let go she will disappear from underneath you. Emily was the first to break the kiss, looking deep into your eyes as her heavy breathing filled the silence between you. She was searching for something and you gave it to her.
"Make love to me, Emily."
She carefully flipped you onto your back, your head resting on the pile of pillows stacked against the headboard. Emily leaned down gently and pressed a soft kiss to your lips and then across your cheek and to your forehead, her lips barely grazing the skin as if she was afraid you would shatter beneath her touch. You reached up and cradled her jaw, pulling her back to your lips for a tender kiss, pressing insistently, begging for more. Taking your cue, you felt warm hands travel under your blouse, reaching around you to unfasten your bra. Strong arms pulled gently at your waist, helping you to sit and pull the garments over your head.
Your head tipped back as she started to kiss down your neck, leaving a mark on your collarbone. Teeth nipped sharply on your soft skin and lips soothed away each fleeting ache. Hands started to massage your breasts, fingers rolling and tugging at your nipples. When Emily's warm mouth kissed its way around your breast and wrapped around a nipple, you tangled a hand in her hair and used the other to gently cover the hand still massaging your chest. It wasn't to halt her movements but to keep the connection you desperately needed with the woman who had become the center of your universe.
A tear slipped down your cheek, falling onto your joined hands. She leaned back, looking to your face and she wiped the tear away with her thumb.
"I'm here, love. I'm not going anywhere."
Emily kissed you once more and you tugged her shirt out of her pants, quickly pulling it over her head. She was wearing a simple black bra and you could see a clover-shaped scar just above the cup. You gasped as your fingers trailed along the scar on her abdomen, feeling the way the skin puckered in lines of pale pink and white. You couldn't believe just how close you had come to losing her and that after all of these months she was there, sitting in your lap. Your wife looked apprehensive and almost shy under your gaze and you moved to kiss the four-leafed mark.
"You're beautiful, Emily." You freed her from the black fabric and immediately sucked a rosy nipple into your mouth, humming when you felt her hands fall on your shoulders. A gasp fell from her lips with a sharp nip, your tongue immediately soothing the sting. Emily pushed you back onto the bed and undid your pants, pulling them and your panties off, exposing your glistening core.
Before Emily could move, you reached to release her off-center belt from its confines. Smirking at you, Emily quickly hopped off the bed and took the rest of her clothes off before lying parallel to you and hooking a leg over your body to rest in the apex of your thighs. Hands smoothed over soft skin, grabbing and caressing each other in the way only lovers do. Emily's leg slowly began to press into you before she pulled herself to straddle your thigh.
Long fingers stretched down your belly and circled around your lower lips, teasing until you began to move your hips into her touch.
"Emily, please." The words were barely out of your mouth when a single finger trailed from your opening to your clit and you gasped, pressing into the touch.
As Emily pulled juices from your core and massaged soft circles on your clit, she started to grind on your thigh and you could feel just how wet she was as she dripped onto your skin. Her motions became firmer and faster with every moan that slipped from your lips and you pulled her down gently by her hair to kiss her desperately. Her free hand moved to brace herself next to your head as your breasts brushed against one another and warmth radiated between your bodies.
After a while of hot breaths and wet kisses, you slipped your free hand from her chest to where she was grinding on your thigh, using your finger to bring her closer to the edge. Simultaneously, you both gently pushed a finger inside, and you moaned into her mouth as she gasped your name.
"More, baby, more." You slipped a second finger inside and used your thumb to rub against her clit. Emily rode your fingers as she pumped and curled her fingers inside you, expertly stroking the rough patch that made your hips buck wildly.
Together you both rode to climax, you falling first with Emily soon after, her teeth clenching onto your shoulder with a grunt as her hips stuttered above you. She collapsed onto you, wiping her hand on the sheet before wrapping herself tightly around you. You could feel hot tears on your cheeks and where her face was pressed into your neck.
You murmured soothing words into Emily's hair and trailed your hands up and down her back, occasionally using your fingers to comb raven hair out of your face. Before long, her breathing evened out to a steady in-and-out and you thought that she had fallen asleep. Your mind began to wander as you counted the freckles on her pale back, recommitting them to your memory. Here, in your arms, laid the woman you buried seven months ago. You had spent the last seven months wandering aimlessly through the world, not quite able to see it in full color. Sounds were muffled and laughs were hollow, the edges of your vision blurred, and you spent more time in your own head than out. Even though the woman that haunted you was now alive, the fog wasn't clearing from your mind. Emily had come back from the dead, a true miracle, but nothing felt better. You were so incredibly happy to have her back but true to form, your heart couldn't unbreak itself.
"What are you thinking about, baby?"
Emily's voice startled you and you wiped at some stray tears that you didn't know had been falling. "I—", your voice cracked and you tried to clear your throat of the thick emotion you felt, "Nothing, Em. It's nothing."
Emily lifted her head off of your chest and looked at your face, frowning when she saw your flushed cheeks and glistening eyelashes. You could tell that whatever she saw had upset her, so you rubbed the back of your fingers against her cheek, smiling when she nuzzled into your touch. "I'm just so happy to have you back. It's surreal."
If she didn't quite believe you, the only hint as to that was that Emily's eyes narrowed ever so slightly before she turned her head to kiss your hand and fell next to you so that she could stroke your sides while you laid together.
"Is there anything you want to do today, honey?" Emily's voice was smooth and resonated deep in her chest, a sound you had missed dearly in your time apart.
"Besides this?" You both giggled. "Well, as much as I have enjoyed my handful of hours here, I would be interested in seeing where you have staying been all this time. Maybe get some dinner. I'm pretty overwhelmed still and I don't think I could handle much more than that."
Emily nodded against the pillow under her head, "Yeah, we can do that, love. It would be nice to have you in my space, for however long that is."
You noticed the wistful look in her eyes but decided to let it go, Emily was here, now, in your arms and you didn't want to even think about the possibility of her not being there. She trailed a finger lazily around your breast, circling a nipple and sliding down to trace patterns on your stomach. The intimate familiarity of your wife's unconscious touch warmed your heart. You had grown so used to the way that Emily's hands constantly drifted to you that when it was gone, you ached for it.
Her love language was physical touch and at the beginning of your relationship, it overwhelmed you. Whenever you were together, a hand was always pressed to your back or a leg was always pressed against yours. She would lock her pinky with yours while you walked and play with your hair without even thinking. After a while, though, you craved her touch nearly as much she craved to touch.
"Would it be okay if we took my things there? I… I don't want to be without you." Your voice was small, afraid that she would say no. The thought of leaving Emily for just one hour was terrifying, let alone overnight. You were afraid that if you let her out of sight she would vanish into thin air.
Emily must have heard the implied message in your words because she stretched to press a long kiss to your lips. "We can be wherever you want to be, baby. I would love to have you."
Emily's apartment wasn't far from the hotel you had been staying at. It was nestled at the top of a tall building and while smaller than the one you shared in DC, it was just as elegant. Cream-colored curtains framed the large windows looking out at the city and neutral-colored furniture covered the open-plan floors. You set your bags on the floor and wrapped your arms around yourself, wandering to the window to take a look.
Emily set the bag of takeout on the kitchen table with a crinkle of paper and quickly came to stand behind you, wrapping her arms around your waist and pressing her nose into your hair. You stood like that for just a few minutes, breathing together and not saying a word. Emily pulled away first but grasped your hand, pulling you with her to the table.
Emily served the food quickly, knowing exactly how much of what you would want without needing to ask. She chattered anxiously about something you weren't quite paying attention to and when she set the plate in front of you, you jumped.
"Y/N, are you okay?"
You sighed and ran a hand through your hair. It wasn't fair that you weren't just through the moon to be back with your wife, but you still felt deeply entrenched in the dissociative state you had meandered in and out of for the better part of seven months.
"I will be." You shrugged but gave Emily your best smile and reached to grab her hand, kissing it gently. "Why don't you tell me about what it's been like in Paris?"
Emily pursed her lips before letting it go and carrying on about what Paris is like in the summer. She apparently had been spending a lot of time at the public library brushing up on her French, reading every novel she could get her hands on. She also pointed out a few pieces of art on the walls and sitting on shelves—she had made those, too, and she laughed a little as she said the one silver lining she found in all of this was that she had the time to pick back up her art hobby she abandoned once she started working for the government. You made sure to keep a hand on her thigh for the whole meal, both to ground you and to bring her comfort in the way she loved it the most.
"How about you, how has work been at Georgetown?"
"Oh, it's been okay. Finishing spring semester was pretty rough but my students were absolute gems and made it easy for me to get through. Rossi even offered to come guest lecture on criminal behavior in each of the classes to let me take an additional class off after my bereavement leave ran out."
Emily nodded and encouraged you to keep going, so you did. The conversation between the two of you flowed easily as you finished dinner and cleaned the dishes. You missed this the most, the casual intimacy of being with Emily. You loved the way that she always wiped some bubbles on your nose when she helped you with the dishes and the laughter that always followed. It was an honor to see the intimidating Emily Prentiss giggle like a schoolgirl. The rest of the night went smoothly as you cuddled on the couch and she translated French films for you, never letting you out of her grip. You gracelessly side-stepped her attempts asking you about your feelings, but she just let it go. She knew that you would talk to her in due time.
The walls were slowly caving in as you ran as fast as you could towards a steel door at the end of the hallway. You could hear gut-wrenching shrieks reverberating off of the walls and it only made you run faster. As you approached the door, you frantically pulled at the locks and made your fingers bleed with the effort. Your name was being screeched through the door, someone desperately calling for your help.
"I'm coming! Hold on, I'm coming!"
When you finally wrenched the door open all you could see was Emily laying on the ground, blood profusely running from her body. You could hear the laugh of a man but couldn't see him.
"I told you she wouldn't make it in time, Emily. You shouldn't have lied to her."
You screamed at the bodiless voice as you ran to Emily's side, hopelessly pressing against her stomach, trying to find the source of the bleeding. The warm, red liquid pulsed over your hands slower and slower and slower until you saw Emily's face go slack and her chest deflate further than is humanly possible.
"Emily! No! Emily come back! Please! You can't leave me!"
When you opened your eyes, you shot straight out of bed completely disoriented. Where were you? How did you get into bed? Panic gripped your features and when you heard quiet words whispering in your ear, you flung yourself from the bed. You searched Emily's face as she reached for you and you shook your head, running into the adjoined bathroom with a slam of the door followed by the distinct sound of engaging a lock. You sat quietly on the floor as your body shook, desperately trying to control your breathing. This nightmare had plagued you every night since Emily died and you always felt just as helpless and broken every morning when you woke up.
For long minutes you cried while sitting on the side of the tub, head cradled in your hands as they rested on your knees. It felt like you were thrown back into that first week after Emily's death, the pain of grief washing over you in waves. A timid knock resounded through the small bathroom as you stood and leaned over the sink, turning on the cold water. You ignored Emily and splashed the water on your face, dabbing at your cheeks with your fingers. In the mirror was a reflection of a woman with bags under her eyes that hadn't always been there, lines creasing your forehead, and a frown that used to look out of place. Bracing your hands on the sink you let out a deep breath, relaxing the last of your shaky breaths.
"Y/N, honey, can I come in?"
You sighed deeply and hung your head. The thought of being surrounded by Emily was overwhelming and you needed some time to collect yourself. "No. I will be out in a minute."
After a few long minutes, you collected yourself. The tears had stopped and your breathing was back to normal. You were ready to face the music.
What you saw when you exited the bathroom was wholly unexpected. Emily was sitting up against the headboard with a pillow clutched in her arms, pressed to her chest by her knees. Her face was red and splotchy and she anxiously wiped away the tears that were falling down her face, almost as if she was embarrassed to be having them. You frowned and climbed into bed, sitting next to her and placing a hand on her knee.
"What's wrong, Em? Are you okay?"
She doesn't look at you as she responds. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry."
"Are you sure, babe? People don't usually cry when they're fine."
Emily drops her head into the pillow she's clung to and you rub her back a little. She takes a few deep breaths before looking at you.
"You… You were screaming. You were crying in your sleep and screaming and when I woke up you ran away from me. You've never done that before." Emily's voice was fragile and shaky as she spoke to you. You let out a deep sigh and pulled your hand away from her back, curling in on yourself a little.
"I… I'm sorry, Em. I didn't mean to upset you."
Emily quickly shakes her head and grabs one of your hands. "No, please don't apologize, my love. I'm not upset with you. I think I was just startled."
You quirked an eyebrow, "Startled by what?"
A thoughtful silence passed between the two of you before she continued. "I've never seen you so afraid before. It's like when you woke up and saw me, I was the thing in your nightmare. And then you locked yourself in the bathroom. You've never done that before. You've never shut me out like that before. And I'm not upset with you but I am upset with myself."
Your chest panged as you heard Emily's confession. You didn't want her to see how much you were still struggling. She was here, your wife was back from the dead in some once-in-a-lifetime miracle and you should have been thrilled, over the moon. But a part of you didn't trust the woman sitting in front of you. You were convinced that in the morning you would wake up and it would all be a lie and she would be gone. The last 7 months had changed you incredibly and you didn't know how to just pick up where you left off when she died.
"I'm not afraid of you, Emily," you began as you rubbed her hand with your thumb. "You're the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. But I am afraid of me, of this. I'm afraid that this is all just some twisted joke and that you're going to be gone when I wake up. I'm afraid that I have changed too much since you died and that I won't be the same wife that you fell in love with. And I am ashamed that I can't seem to just be happy that you're back. I'm so relieved to have you in my arms and it gives me incredible anxiety to think about ever letting you out of my sight. But I just… something inside of me doesn't trust you. I don't trust that you're real, that you're mine, that you won't leave me. I don't trust that this ache in my chest will ever go away. I want to trust you, Emily, you're the most important person in my life, but when you died, a part of me died, too. And despite knowing you didn't mean to hurt me, I feel so incredibly betrayed. I love you Emily, and I want to trust you, but I just can't right now."
You could hear Emily's chest hitch and her breathing grow ragged with every sentence that left your mouth. You didn't have to look at her to know that she was crying. When you did look, you saw the same heartbroken expression that you had been carrying in your soul for the past 7 months. Her lips were sucked into her mouth as she was trying not to cry, trying not to make this about her. You reached your arms out to hold her, bringing her head to your shoulder.
"Can we… Can we fix this? I don't want to lose you, Y/N. Not after I finally got you back." Emily's voice was laced with tears and you felt some of the warmth trail down your collarbone.
You leaned over to kiss the top of her head. "I want to, Emily. I don't want to feel like this forever. We are going to have to rebuild this from the ground up, but there is no one I would rather do it with than you."
Emily picked her head up off of your shoulder and cupped your chin with her hand. You looked at each other for a while, her watery eyes piercing into your guarded ones. She flicked her gaze down to your lips and back and you nodded your head once. Slowly, Emily leaned in to capture your lips in a sweet kiss, one of rejuvenation and rebirth. There was only one way to go from here and that would be up. When Emily pulled back, she wiped a tear from your face that you didn't know that you had shed and then pulled you down into the sheets where you curled together and fell back asleep.
Fixing things would take time but all of that could start in the morning. For now, you and Emily succumbed to the rest you both desperately deserved and curled against each other, protecting each other from the world that was threatening to tear you two apart.