Chapter 9: Spotted Owl
Pain seared through Spotted Owl like blazing embers slowly consuming her flesh. It was pain like nothing she had ever felt before. She squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to shut it out, but to no avail. Her legs buckled beneath her, so she crumpled to the ground. A slimy-wetness seeped into her fur as she felt her blood gush from her wounds like water freed from a dam. She could feel her life force draining away. She let out a whimper, and curled into a ball, bracing herself for a blow that never came.
Spotted Owl's eyes snapped open. Confusion was a hazy mist inside her mind as she looked down at herself, searching for the wounds so she could stop the bleeding. But there was no wound, no blood. Her gaze dropped to the stone floor beneath her, the cold piercing her pads. Then it vanished.
The black and white she-cat's head jerked up. She choked out a gasp as she saw a whirlpool of colors swirling around her. Images flickered and flashed through her field of vision. The landscape around her shifted her again and again, bringing her to the sites of her worst memories. The ones burned into the back of her mind by the sheer pain they caused her so she could never forget.
Her stomach lurched as she saw a silver and white tom sprawled out on a cold cave floor, wounds creating a spider web across his nearly unconscious body.
She leaped to her paws, an urgency flaring inside her as she summoned cats to join a battle, only to have their screams echo in her ears for days to come as many of them were mercilessly cut down.
She silently pleaded for help from an unmoving figure as a giant fighter bore down on her, trapping her against a cliff wall.
She stumbled and fell, bashing her head on a tree root as a cat attacked her from behind while she tried to flee a moonlit clearing.
Her heart nearly stopped in her chest as she watched as claws raked across a cat's throat, and the body fell limp, helpless to do anything to help.
Sorrow weighed as heavy as a boulder in on her chest as she stared vacantly across a field of fallen bodies.
A snarl rang in her ears like the boom of thunder. With a jolt, she was back in the death-dark cave. A paw hovered above her head, the unsheathed claws curved harbingers of pain. She felt frost-cold fear wash over her. She wanted to flee far away. She wanted to collapse and curl into a ball. But she gritted her teeth, forcing her gaze upward to meet a pair of gleaming green eyes.
The landscape around her blurred and colors swirled, changing again as Spotted Owl stared into the eyes. They now belonged to a tom sitting across from her, the sunlight igniting his ginger pelt as the wind buffeted their fur. They were dark yet hopeful, fearful, and uncertain yet gentle. Tremors quaked through her body as memories flooded her mind. They were still the same green eyes.
The green eyes that haunted her nights.
And now her days.
Spotted Owl woke with a start and bolted upright, scrambling to her paws. Her heart beat as fast as the wings of a hummingbird against her chest. Fear churned in her veins, and all of her senses were on hyper-alert. She stared at her surroundings, a bone-chilling pitch-black cave, uncomprehending where she was for a moment. Am I still a prisoner in the Bands' camp? Is he coming back to hurt me? Her heart thudded even faster. She ducked her head as her breath came in short gasps.
As the young she-cat stared at her feet, she became aware of moss poking up between her toes. What? How did this get here? Her heartbeat slowed as she raised her head and looked around herself, more closely this time. Four sets of soft breathing reached her ears from shapes curled in four other nests made of moss, two beside her own moss…nest? I'm in the trainee's den. She let out a long sigh. I'm safe, she tried to assure herself. I'm safe.
"Spotted Owl?" A voice mumbled, thick with sleep. She turned to see Blossom Dust lifting her head, blinking drowsily. "Everything okay?"
Spotted Owl forced her expression into a smile, though she could feel how strained it was. I'm not convincing anyone. Thankfully though, in the gloom, Blossom Dust didn't seem to notice. "I'm fine. I was just going back to sleep."
"Okay. Goodnight," Blossom Dust said with a yawn. The moss in her nest rustled as she shifted, settling back down.
Spotted Owl released a breath. Her head drooped, so she stared at the moss beneath her paws. I'm exhausted, but at the same time, I don't want to go back to sleep. It could mean going back to…there. She thought with a shudder. Her gaze strayed toward the entrance of the trainee's den, out into the chilly overcast night. Neither day nor night is safe for me anymore.
Spotted Owl tore her gaze away from the entrance as she shoved the thought away. But I'm safe. I am home with my Clan. I have my friends. Her thoughts went out across the camp to where she knew Fern Dapple was slumbering in the hunter and fighter's den. I have my instructor. She tried to imagine Yellow Sky sleeping further inside the same cave, but couldn't seem to. She'd never seen Yellow Sky sleep before. My siblings. Her eyes flickered over the curled shapes of Blossom Dust and Tall Pine. Her heart twinged as her eyes danced over her brother. She quickly looked away, biting her lip. I feel so bad for yelling at him earlier. I want to tell him everything, but I know I can't. If he had continued to press me, I would've given in and told him everything. I had to push him away.
"Hey, Spotted Owl?" The fighter trainee jumped. She looked around hurriedly before she saw Blossom Dust's paw covering her own. The golden she-cat blinked up at her. "Are you coming back to sleep?"
"Yes. Right now." She shook out her pelt. Bending her legs, she sank into the moss.
"I love you," Blossom Dust murmured, curling up again as well.
Spotted Owl's lips tugged upward into a small smile—a real one this time. "I love you too." She shifted closer to her sister, so the fur along their backs brushed against each other. The touch comforted as she shut her eyes, sliding back into sleep.
. . .
Soft sunlight greeted Spotted Owl's eyes as she brushed against the veil of consciousness again. She opened her eyes and raised her head. The hesitant light of dawn crept across the stone floor of the trainee's den, shy as a newborn fawn. Despite the early morning, she could hear the camp bustling with activity. She breathed a sigh of relief as she noticed that her brother's nest was empty. The other trainees' nests, save for Amber Mist, were vacant as well, though their scents were still fresh.
The black and white she-cat arched her back in a luxurious stretch, her jaws gaping wide in a yawn. She rolled out her muscles before padding to the entrance to the cave, poking her head out and looking around. The gorge hummed like a busy beehive. Smoke Pelt, Rising Water, Tumbling Stone, and Yellow Sky were clustered around the prey pile, deep in conversation. Red Maple and Whispering Rain sat in front of the healer's den, picking out the dead plants from heaps of green herbs. Falling Star touched muzzles with Rabbit Nose before he joined Cloudy Water, Blossom Dust, and Dewy Grass, who were padding toward the passageway, presumably leaving on the dawn patrol. Mossy Moon had announced the night before that the dusk patrol had found Clan of the Flowing Waters scents on their side of the border. When they'd confronted a patrol about it, the Clan of the Flowing Waters cats had nearly attacked them. After the other event the day before, the Clan had only been more tense and anxious. Mossy Moon had decided it was best not to respond for now, but Falling Star wasn't going to take any chances.
As Spotted Owl watched her Clanmates, she began to notice a tense undertone beneath the usual lively energy in the air of the camp. There usually weren't this many cats up this early. Maple Sky sat outside the nursery where she'd moved a quarter moon before—right after the Gathering—her tail wrapped around her swollen belly, hostility sparking off her. The murmurs from the cats around the prey pile were low and tense. Dawn Sky and Running Wave lay nearby with their heads close together, shooting dirty looks in the direction of the unused caves across the camp.
Spotted Owl followed their gazes. The fur on her neck lifted as her eyes landed one of the vacant crevices in the camp's corner. Soaring Hawk sat just outside the entrance, marking the spot as clear as a bluejay in the snow. Her heart began to pound as she flattened her ears against her head. Her paws trembled, but she pressed them into the ground, stilling them. I have to set my fear aside. I can't afford to let my emotions or memories overwhelm me. I have a duty to my Clan. I have to do this, no matter how hard it is. No matter the fact that I wish I could run far away from here. Her gaze strayed to the passageway, her paws tugging longingly. She twitched an ear. I'd better head over. I've stalled for long enough. Slowly, she rose to her feet and trudged across the camp.
"Spotted Owl." The young she-cat stopped in her tracks, turning her head to see Yellow Sky striding toward her. The smoky gray she-cat's expression was grim, her jaw set.
"Hey, Yellow Sky." Spotted Owl greeted her instructor with a smile, grateful that she'd found a reason to delay the inevitable for at least a little longer.
Yellow Sky came to a halt. Her sunset-yellow eyes met her trainee's. "I wanted to remind you that we have a training session today after sunhigh. We're going to go through your exercises, go for a run, and finally do some battle training. I think it's time for you to start sparring with other cats again. You'll be working with Blossom Dust, and I'm thinking about getting some of the young fighters to come and participate. Perhaps Dewy Grass or Jagged Path."
"Really?" Spotted Owl's eyes shone with excitement. "That would be amazing."
"Yes." The senior fighter frowned at her Spotted Owl's leg. "But I want you to check in with Red Maple first, and see what she says."
"Of course." She nodded dutifully.
Yellow Sky flicked an ear in the direction that Spotted Owl had been headed. She lowered her voice. "Mossy Moon told me that you're going to be one of the fighters guarding Sharp and that you're starting this morning."
Wait, Mossy Moon told her that? Spotted Owl thought, her eyes widening. Did she tell her the reason why? Her heart lifted hesitantly in her chest. If she knows, I can talk about it with her. I don't have to bear it alone. She searched her instructor's face, but like always, it was unreadable. She let out a soft sigh. I made a promise to Mossy Moon to keep this a secret. As much as I long to share it, I can't risk letting anyone know.
Spotted Owl took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes, I am. I was headed there now."
Yellow Sky twitched her whiskers as she cast a glance toward the cave where Sharp was staying. Her brow furrowed as she turned back, her face taking on an expression of concern. She took a step closer to her trainee. "I know that being around Sharp is hard for you. You are very brave for facing your fear to protect your Clan, but if it is too much, don't be afraid to tell Mossy Moon or me. You need to do what is right for you." She cast another glance over her shoulder. "And while you are with him, be on your guard. Don't stray too far from camp. We cannot trust him." Her eyes bore into Spotted Owl's. "Promise me that you'll be careful."
"I will," Spotted Owl promised, her eyes solemn as they met Yellow Sky's. I promise that I will be careful. I know that we can't trust Sharp. But that's why I can't guarantee that I will stop if it gets too much. I am the best shot the Clans have at discovering the Bands' plan.
The senior fighter nodded, seemingly satisfied. She twitched her ears. "You should probably get going."
Spotted Owl took a deep breath. "Yeah, I should." She took a few steps.
"Spotted Owl?"
"Yes?" The young she-cat paused, turning her head.
"Take care of yourself."
Spotted Owl shuffled across the camp, dragging her paws behind her. By now, the sun had appeared over the rim of the gorge, bathing the gorge in a warm yellow glow that chased away the frostiness of the night. The chatter of activity hummed in her ears as the Clan was fully awake now, and getting about their day. She sidestepped around Quiet Sun and Shining Feather who lounged in a pool of warm sunlight in the chilly morning. The sunshine warmed her pelt as she passed through the pool, reminding her that she was late as she was supposed to have arrived at dawn. Despite her conviction and the fact that she was late, she secretly hoped that another delay would present itself as she wove around more of her Clanmates. Unfortunately, she arrived at the cave several heartbeats later with no more interruptions.
Soaring Hawk rose to his paws as the dappled she-cat approached. He tossed his head at the thin crack in the stone to his left. "Sharp's awake. He's waiting for you when you're ready."
Spotted Owl swallowed. "Thank you."
Soaring Hawk nodded in return. He hesitated, a shadow crossing his face as though he wanted to say something more, but then he hurried away, leaving her standing there, facing the cave entrance.
Spotted Owl remained as still as the Dawn Mountain as one heartbeat after another slipped by. Her paws seemed to have grown roots deeper than the greatest oak tree. Her gaze was transfixed to the crack as her emotions were a turbulent sea inside her. It's finally time. After everything that's happened, I'm going to face Sharp again. Her stomach lurched. I don't know if I can do this. Every time I see him, it brings back these memories— She cut herself off before she could start down that path. But I have to do this, she told herself. I have to step inside that cave. I have to be nice to him and get him to talk to me. I have to protect my Clan. Everyone in my Clan will go through worse than what I did if I don't.
The fighter trainee drew in a deep inhale, imagining that she was sitting on the bank of a serene lake, enclosed by a copse of trees. Hidden. Alone. Safe. She placed another boulder in the barrier that locked away her memories. She lifted her head and squared her shoulders.
And then she stepped inside.
The first thing Spotted Owl saw was darkness. The narrow entrance did not allow much of the early light to filter inside, so it lay in deep shadow. Her pawsteps echoed like raindrops from an approaching storm as she took a few steps inside. She squinted against the gloom and raised her muzzle, using her nose to guide her. A quiver ran through her as a familiar scent hit her nose. She fought off the urge to turn and flee.
As her eyes adjusted, she could just make out the shape of a lithe young tom sitting near the back of the crevice. His ears were pricked as he watched her. His eyes met hers.
Spotted Owl's eyes stretched wide as she stared into Sharp's green eyes. Tremor started in her paws, slowly spreading throughout her entire body. She dropped her gaze and let out a shaky breath, trying to wrestle back control of her body. Terror thrummed in tune with her heartbeat. Her fur stuck out at all angles like a thistle. Despite her best efforts, the wall she had erected came crumbling down, and her memories flooded her mind. It felt as though everything was falling down. She no longer had control of her own mind, her own body. She was drowning. There was so much pain everywhere, filling her to the brim. All she could see were those green eyes.
No. Spotted Owl screamed inside her head. No. She rejected pain, the chaos. With that simple command, she slowly regained control. A bonfire of anger ignited inside her. She fed it, allowing it to grow, to sustain her, to keep control. I cannot let myself be overwhelmed. I have to do this. I have to get this mangepelt to talk, so the Bands don't slaughter my Clan. She succumbed to her fury, letting creep over her, filling every inch of her body, and arranging a frigid mask so she could hide all of her hurt and fear behind it.
"Sharp." The word slipped from her tongue, pointed as a porcupine's quill as she forced herself to meet his gaze.
The ginger tom scrambled to his paws. His gaze wasn't guarded or hostile or angry, but wide and uncertain. "Spotted Owl, I—"
"I'm going to be guarding you as you hunt," the dappled she-cat cut him off, her tone was hard as weathered stone. "You are permitted to catch one piece for yourself only from our territory. Don't try anything. Let's go." She whirled around and stormed out of the den.
Spotted Owl stalked across the camp. Sharp dashed after her, rushing to keep up. The Clan of the Morning Sun cats paused their daily chores to stare as they passed, giving them a wide berth. Their gazes were hard, and tension sizzled off their bristling pelts, but with her gaze fixed on the passageway, Spotted Owl didn't notice. Her eyes glazed over, her mind hardened by anger and focused on what she had to do. She didn't pay any attention to the patchwork of bright sun dapples on the forest floor nor the melodious post-dawn birdsong that floated through the trees as they emerged from the tunnel. She kept moving, traveling in stony silence for a while as she led the way to the predetermined place where Sharp was to hunt deep within the Clan of the Morning Sun's territory.
"So." The young she-cat started as Sharp spoke, breaking the silence. He glanced at her. "This is awkward." He let out a short snort of laughter.
Spotted Owl twitched an ear, her eyes briefly flitting to Sharp. Yup. That pretty much sums this up. She kept walking.
"If you had told me a moon ago that I would be walking in the forest of the Clan of the Morning Sun's territory again soon, I would've said that you've got thistledown in your brain," Sharp tried again, shaking his head slowly.
Spotted Owl glanced at the ginger tom, taking in his amused expression and also his ears that were laid back and his tail tip twitched back and forth like a jittery songbird. She rolled her eyes. I know those signs. He doesn't actually think what he's saying is funny; he's just using his mask of humor again to break the tension. Whatever. She shrugged and continued to plod along. I'm not going to talk to this fox-heart.
A few heartbeats passed as the pair walked in silence. Spotted Owl breathed a sigh of relief. Good. He's given up. Then she noticed that he was no longer walking beside her. Oh, stars no. Where did he go? She stopped in her tracks and spun around. Her heart raced as she looked for him. She spotted him standing a few tail-lengths behind her, his head tipped back as he gazed up at the crimson leaves of a maple tree, gilded by bright sunlight.
"What are you doing?" She demanded, marching over to him. "We have to keep going."
"I never knew how beautiful it is here in the Valley of Hidden Stars during this season," Sharp murmured. "I've missed it."
Spotted Owl's blood churned like stormy water. Her outrage finally reached its pinnacle and exploded into flames. "You missed it here?" She snarled, sinking her unsheathed claws into the crumbly leaves beneath her paws, so she didn't rake them across his muzzle. "You snake-hearted traitorous dung-pelt. Have you forgotten that you are a member of the ruthless Bands who want nothing more than to slaughter the Clans? Have you forgotten that you deceived us, murdered our defenseless Clanmates, and tried to incite a war between the Clans? Have you forgotten that you took Clan cats as prisoners and tortured us?" She stalked up to him, glaring at him with blazing green eyes. "Have you forgotten everything you did to me?" She spat at his paws. "You don't get to miss the home of the cats you have committed so many grievous crimes against."
The black and white she-cat whipped around and strode away as her anger began to ebb. Mouse-dung. She slammed her paw into the group, hissing in frustration. I shouldn't have allowed myself to lose my temper like that. It's the exact opposite of what I need to be doing.
Several tail-lengths behind her, Sharp let out a weary sigh. His voice was as tiny as a sparrow. "I'm sorry."
Spotted Owl stopped short. Her head snapped up. What did he just say? Is he apologizing for saying that he missed it here? Or is he apologizing for everything else? Her eyes widened at the thought. If he's apologizing, maybe he actually regrets everything he's done. Maybe he did come here for another reason. No. She shook her head, nearly scoffing aloud at how absurd that was. He is still that same backstabbing murderer. Her anger burned slow and steady as hot embers. He is still a member of the Bands. He is here to get revenge on the Clans. I cannot forget my task—my duty.
"Let's keep moving," Spotted Owl said tightly, starting to walk again. Sharp's pawsteps behind her told her that he was following her. An urgent sense of conviction settled into her belly like a stone. No matter what I feel toward Sharp, I have to protect my Clan.
Wow, this chapter was another huge emotional rollercoaster ride, but for Spotted Owl this time. Pretty much it was Spotted Owl trying to deal with being around Sharp again, but that's enough in itself. It's going to be interesting seeing how Sharp and Spotted Owl's relationship develops moving forward over the course of the book.
Reviews:
Guest - Yeah, that makes sense. I took a break to work on another, easier story during that time (that still related to teh series, but didn't actively continue it) because I was dealing with a lot. If you don't mind me asking, what do you mean the climax of the arc is almost over by the second book? I'm glad you like Spotted Owl. What is it about her perspective and personality that you like?
Fun Fact: Yellow Sky and Maple Sky's mom, Shining Feather, was not a very loving or attentive mother and she didn't even want kits. On one hand, Yellow Sky grew up to be a cold, aloof, gruff, and guarded. She never wants to have a mate or kits. On the other, her sister, Maple Sky, became overly affectionate and motherly as if to counteract their upbringing.
- A Warrior At Heart