CHAPTER 30 – REDEMPTION?

Félix spent the next two hours at his mother's side, holding her hand. It was peaceful with her and Félix needed the calm to think before he had to speak to his cousin. It would not be long before Adrien woke up and Félix was not relishing the thought of having to confess to him and to apologise. For the umpteenth time Félix ran over what he was going to say in his mind. He sighed. Why was life so difficult sometimes?

-000-

Adrien was of course wide awake, but he had his own reasons for wanting to avoid Félix for now. Before too long Ladybug had returned and rapped on the window.

"Did you get it?" he asked.

"Of course Kitty. Max was happy to help." She handed Adrien a small packet and his ring. He slipped the ring onto his finger.

"Thanks Marinette, I really appreciate the help."

"It's the least I could do for my boyfriend," said Ladybug, smiling.

"B..b..boyfriend?" stammered Adrien.

"If you want. I thought it was a given after our kiss, but if you prefer not to …"

"No, no! I'ld like that very much" smiled Adrien. "I just didn't know you wanted to …"

Ladybug jumped into the room, walked up to Adrien, grabbed his head and kissed him passionately.

"That should leave you in no doubt Kitty. I DO want to. But for now you have a cousin you need to attend to."

Ladybug walked back to the window and stood with one foot on the window sill, her yoyo twirling.

"Good luck Kitty," she smiled. "Bug out."

And then she was gone. Adrien turned to the door. It was time to find his cousin.

-000-

Félix was lost in thought and didn't hear Adrien enter the room. Suddenly he heard Adrien sitting in the chair next to him. The room was silent for a full minute.

Félix made the first move. "Adrien, I need to talk to you please."

Adrien turned and looked at him, his expression blank. Félix looked into his eyes, hoping for some sort of clue as to what Adrien was thinking. He found none. "So talk," said Adrien at last.

"I've … I've done some terrible things while you were unconscious … and before."

Adrien raised his eyebrows.

"I have thought of a million different ways to tell you about what I've done. I've run them all through my mind and none of them work. So I'll try to start from the beginning and hope for the best." Félix paused.

"Adrien, what I'm going to tell you is going to hurt you, but if I've ever meant anything to you I would beg you to let me finish before you judge me."

Adrien nodded, his expression still blank.

"Adrien, for the past two years I've been insanely jealous of you. You seemed to have it all … looks, money, brains, athletic ability, fame. I know now that it's not all that it's cracked up to be, but at the time it seemed to me that you had the perfect life. To top it all off, you were … are … so nice that it sickened me. You were perfect and I hated you for it." Félix looked down at his hands in his lap as he spoke.

"Looking back now I can see how pathetic I was, but I need to be honest with you, so you can understand." He looked at Adrien, his jade eyes pleading silently with him. Adrien looked back, still wearing his poker face.

"Jealousy consumed me. Instead of looking at how to make my life better I fixated on your life, hoping to see it unravel. If something bad happened to you my life would seem better in comparison. It shames me to tell you Adrien … when your mother disappeared … I was … I was happy. I felt that finally the wheel of fortune was turning and that you were being brought low. I am so ashamed of how I felt, but it's true. Then my dad died and it seemed like you were winning again. My jealousy consumed me."

Félix breathed in deeply and paused.

Adrien looked at his cousin. Emotions swirled inside him. He had never understood why Félix acted the way he did. In a weird way what Félix said kind of made sense. He didn't think that anyone could be jealous of him though. Clearly Félix didn't know what being Adrien Agreste entailed.

"I don't expect you to understand why I hated you Adrien. In fact I don't think you are capable of understanding. You are so … nice, I don't think you can understand jealousy or hatred. My hatred was irrational and you didn't deserve it. I'm so lucky to have you in my life, as my cousin but I didn't realise it at the time. All I could see was perfection and I compared it to my life and I could not understand why you had it all and I didn't. I was so busy looking at your life that I forgot to look at the good things in my life.

"It wasn't just you though, it was your whole family. When the opportunity presented itself I stole the Graham De Vanily ring off your father's finger. I know it is rightfully his, but I felt that it should be mine and it was a way at striking back at your family."

Félix breathed deeply again. When he started speaking again his voice was filled with emotion.

"Then my mother … fell ill, and we lost the house. I found out that all my "friends" only liked me for my looks and my money. My world crumbled around me. Everything … everything I had known was gone. I was in a very dark place.

Your dad was great the way he took us in, but I couldn't see his actions as kindness. You were amazing, yet I hated you for being so nice. I looked at everything the Agrestes had that my family didn't and instead of being grateful for what you did for me, I hated you even more for it. I hate myself for it now. I know that I had no reason to hate you, but I did. To make matters worse you were so … nice. Adrien, nobody has ever held me like you held me that first afternoon. You made me feel welcome and safe. It is a memory that I will always cherish, no matter what happens today."

Félix looked at Adrien. Was that a moistening in the corner of his cousin's eye? Félix couldn't be sure.

"You were amazing, and I started to feel happy around you. But when I realised that I was starting to like you I hated myself because … I felt I was betraying my hatred of you and your family. I know that doesn't make sense but my jealousy and hatred consumed me. I'm … pathetic."

Adrien looked at his downcast cousin. He was pathetic, but Adrien didn't hate him for it. He pitied him. For all his father's faults, he had never felt the need to hate someone before. He pitied Félix that he had been placed in the position that hatred and jealousy could thrive. How much had his cousin suffered that he could be brought so low?

"I betrayed your trust." Félix held up the finger where his ring had been until a few hours before.

"I disguised the stolen ring as a friendship ring. I abused your trust to hide my crime. The worst thing is that I would give anything to have a real friendship ring with you, but I know that after today that that will never happen.

Then I started to plot. I realised that the best way to get back at you, and your father, was to destroy you and your relationship with your father. My plan was to pretend to be you, to sabotage your relationship with your friends and ultimately to destroy your relationship with your father. It was the only way I could think of getting back at him."

Félix got up and walked to the window. He continued talking while he looked out at the perfectly manicured garden below.

"There is one part of my story that I cannot tell you because I made a promise to someone. If I told you I would break my promise and I would cause you a great deal of pain. Though you have no reason to trust me, I would ask that you don't ask me to reveal this part of my story. Just take my word for it that I was responsible for your unconsciousness and that I took the opportunity to switch places with you."

Félix looked back at Adrien.

"I insinuated myself in your circle of friends. I made Chloé believe that you saw her like a sister, and I made Marinette believe that you were in love with her. I did this with the intention of then tearing down those relationships. I would then blame it all on your father. When you woke up your perfect life would be gone and you would blame your father."

Félix paused again. When he spoke again his voice started to break as sobs struggled to break through.

"Adrien, I was … cruel beyond belief. I … I crushed Marinette's heart. Crushed it. And I blamed it on … you and Chloé.

Adrien, I've tried to fix it as best I can, but I don't know if I'll succeed. My worry is that even when Marinette knows it was me, that she will have been so hurt by the experience that when love finally finds her that … that she will avoid it to stop being hurt.

Oh Adrien, I hate myself." Tears welled from his eyes. "I can't believe what I've done, how much pain I've caused … and all to get back at my own family, a family who has done nothing but love me."

"What is worse is that my hatred was based on a lie. Being you … I know now that your life is far from perfect. I know about the lonely dinners, the non-ending demands, the sly journalists and those reprehensible medical examinations. I don't know why I ever felt you had a perfect life, or why I had to hurt you."

Félix sat next to his cousin again.

"Coz, I'm so sorry. I've tried to make things right. I know I never can. I don't blame you if you never want to see me again, but thanks for listening anyhow."

Félix looked into his cousin's unblinking green eyes. Suddenly he felt himself being pulled into a big hug. The two boys embraced for about half a minute. Then Adrien broke the hug. He placed both of his arms on Félix's shoulders.

"Félix, what you did is unforgiveable. But I think you know that already, so nothing will be gained from me repeating it." Adrien looked down and smiled slightly. Félix dared to hope.

"Félix, I've got a confession of my own. I was awake when you spoke to me earlier, when you broke the ring, so I know that what you just said is true. I've seen the video you sent to our classmates, and I've spoken to Marinette. I know that you are sorry, and goodness knows I've made my fair share of mistakes in the past."

"You hurt Marinette real bad. But some good has come out of this. You see, I didn't realise that she was in love with me until I found out why she was so distraught. We're … boyfriend and girlfriend now, and I don't think that would have happened if you hadn't done what you did."

Félix allowed himself a small smile. "I think something else good will come out of this. I had words with your father … as Félix. I know it's not my business, but I think things will be a bit better after this. At least I hope they will be."

Adrien nodded. "Félix, I am hurt by what you did, but … I don't hate you. You need to know that. And I think I'm beginning to understand you. That doesn't mean your actions are excused, but I guess it means we have something to build on going forward.

Thinking on it, I realise that you and I have got a lot in common. Your comment about your "friends", you are just as lonely as I am sometimes, aren't you?"

Félix closed his eyes before nodding his head. He opened them again when Adrien hugged him.

"I'm sorry Félix. I didn't even know, and I'm your family. You should never have been that lonely."

Silence filled the air again.

"The one thing I really liked about your charade," continued Adrien "was when you called me your brother. I've never had a brother before, and it made me feel really special. Wanted even. It's something I'd like to keep going, if you're willing."

Félix opened his eyes, scarcely wanting to believe his ears. He nodded.

"But if we're brothers, this jealousy needs to stop. And if either of us are in trouble, we need to know that we can call on the other for help, and that we'll get help, no matter what."

Félix nodded again, a smile creeping on his face.

"Finally, if we are going to be brothers, I think its only right that we have a symbol of that, but for real this time."

Adrien reached into the packed Marinette had given him and pulled out a copy of his ring.

"How did you get that so quickly? I only broke the other one a few hours ago," asked Félix.

"Well, when I heard you talking to me when you thought I was unconscious I thought we might end up like this, so I called in a favour. Max from school is a wiz with computers. He has a laser scanner and an amazing 3D printer. This one is a lot more sturdy than modelling clay." Adrien smiled, running his fingers through his golden hair.

"So, what do you say, will you be my brother?"

Adrien found himself in a bear-like hug before receiving a kiss on each cheek from his cousin.

"Well, isn't that nice? You boys are making friends!" came a voice from the bed. Amilie was sitting up in her bed, her eyes open for the first time in days, a smile on her friend.

Félix raced over to her and hugged her. It looked like everything was going to work out after all.

-LA FIN-