Day 43:
He found her in one of the bedrooms upstairs, sitting on the edge of the bed and staring out the window. Her eyes weren't moving.
"Hey," he said.
It took her a second to look at him. When she did, she said, "Hey. Is Ignis upset with me?"
"No. Just worried." Cor stepped inside and took a seat on the bed next to her.
Everyone was worried, but knowing that didn't help her. She just needed to focus on… hell. He had no idea what she needed to focus on. He'd have said getting better, but this wasn't the sort of thing that just got better. A soldier could spend his whole life reliving the past.
They sat there for a long time. He didn't have any words that could help and she didn't have any she wanted to share. Maybe just being nearby would help her. Maybe not, but it was the best he had to give. Eventually Ignis called everyone for dinner. Nothing much changed, except that everyone was sitting quietly trying not to say anything that would set her off. Trouble was, everything seemed to set her off.
After dinner, she disappeared again. Cor kept one eye on her; if she thought she could pull a repeat of what had happened back in Meldacio, she was wrong as hell. She didn't walk out, though. She just sat in that room, alone, with the door open so anyone who walked by could see she was still there. Every time Cor did walk by, she was in the same spot. Mind miles away, probably.
There were enough rooms in the rickety old house that everyone got a bed. Not that it mattered if Cor had one or not. He knew he wasn't getting any sleep as soon as Reina started pacing the upstairs landing.
"You only sit on your bed when there's no danger of falling asleep?" Cor leaned against the doorframe of his own room.
She stopped and looked back at him. "I don't sleep well."
Sometimes talking to her was like running a broken record.
"No, you refuse to let yourself sleep because you're afraid of what will happen," Cor said. "Can you still Dream on accident?"
She considered. "I don't think so."
"Then just don't Dream." He took her shoulders and turned her toward her room. "Come on. Let's go."
"Cor—"
He pushed her gently across the landing to her room and steered her to the bed, ignoring her protests. She sat on the bed and stared up at him, the picture of a pouting princess.
"It isn't just those Dreams that I'm…" She stopped without ever finishing the sentence.
Was it so hard to admit she was afraid? Who the hell was he kidding, of course it was. Damn. She really was just like him.
"What then?" He asked.
She dropped her gaze. "Nothing. I'm just not tired."
"Bullshit. Lay down." Cor dragged a chair from the corner of the room to the bedside. She did what he asked, but lay on her side staring at him while he sat down. "Close your eyes. You're not going to fall asleep like that."
"I'm not going to sleep," she said.
And he couldn't make her, if she was set on being stubborn.
"Alright. Fine." Cor leaned back in his chair and met her gaze. She wasn't sleeping and he wasn't leaving. So it was a staring contest, then. That stretched on for a while before she spoke. Probably trying to give her brain something to focus on instead of dozing off.
"Cor… when I was unconscious after Daemonfire, did you sit at my bedside?"
Shit. That had been more than a month ago. He'd thought he wanted her to hear when it happened, but when she had never said anything about it after waking up, he'd been relieved.
He sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Some."
"I remember your voice, I think," she said.
He said nothing.
"What did you say to me?" She asked.
So she didn't remember. That was good, right?
Wrong.
"I don't know. Stupid things. Whatever crossed my mind." He stared straight at his clasped hands, not at her.
The bed shifted. She leaned out and laid one hand over his. "You say a lot of stupid things. But you never just talk for the sake of it."
Cor looked at her hand on his, then up at her.
Too bad she knew him so gods damned well. Maybe he knew her, too. She was more like him than he had guessed before all this had gone down. And if he knew anything about himself, he knew she wouldn't take the wrong answer and she wouldn't take a non-answer. She probably wouldn't try beating the truth out of him, though. Probably.
"I just said I need to protect you. Apologized for doing such a shitty job of it. Said I'd keep sticking around no matter what, if you let me."
She searched his face in a way that made him think she heard more than he had said.
"You said you need to protect me," she said. "What does that mean?"
He sighed. "I don't know. I just need to keep you safe, and not because it's my duty or because you're Regis' daughter. It's just something I need to do."
"Then you should understand why I left you behind last night," she said.
Because he would have done the same thing, if their places were reversed.
"I understand it," he said. "Doesn't mean I agree with it."
She squeezed his hand. He pressed her hand between his. Her fingers were cold. He tucked it in under the blanket and pulled them up to her shoulders.
"Go to sleep, Reina."
This time she didn't argue with him. She curled up and closed her eyes, only peeking a few times to check that he was still there before she was asleep.
And he was alone, wondering what the answer to her question really was.