CHAPTER 11: Build an Army, Trust No One (Part 2)
Vampires. They're vicious, bloodsucking creatures that hunger at the possibility of fresh blood, especially the ones of virgins. But you read one too many stories about romancing such monsters that I don't need to go into detail, right? In any case, two of these supernatural creatures stood before the group of heroes. And they were big names, no less! The blood countess known as Carmilla and the big daddy of them all: Dracula! Or rather Vlad. The Impaler. Yeah. Their master cackled, her sullied standard flowing in the wind and showing off her draconic insignia. "Rejoice, you stupid holy virgin and her pathetic allies! Perhaps a battle to the death will make you all the more appealing!"
Naughty gave his Servant a quick glance, then looked ahead at the enemies. The Lancer was irrelevant, but the Assassin...hoo boy. Evil never looked so sexy. That outfit was kinky, and her chest was of an attractive size. Oh wait, right. They were going to kill them. "Archer. How much mana do you have?"
The imperial warlord grinned. "Just enough to make it hurt a lot on those two. Retainer, I trust that your loyalty to me hasn't wavered." Naughty could only stay mute. She held out her hand, summoning a plethora of muskets. "Keep your eyes solely on me, alright? Let's perforate these pasty aristocrats!"
Alpha scanned the battlefield. Nobunaga could cover fire, letting Jack get to either one of the vampiric adversaries and stabbing them to torment or death. Death was preferable in this case. But even so, who would be more useful to take out?
"Mommy, mommy! We want to play with the pale lady!" Jack bounced up and down in excitement. In any other context it would have been adorable, but Alpha knew better. Even then, it was still adorable- who knew plotting an assassination could be so pleasant?
"Alright then, Jack. Let's give that woman all of our attention, ok? And don't worry about our allies. They know what they're doing. Just focus on that lady."
The battle started as soon as the words left Alpha's mouth. The crack of several rifles firing mid-air resounded with a deafening boom, and harmonized with the clang of metal against metal. Jack swerved through swings, bullets, and waves of blood, reaching the enemy Assassin within seconds. "Hello! Mommy said to murder you," she said cheerfully. Blood had stained her black cloak, but no worries. That happened all the time. "And we love Mommy very, very much!"
"Gyah! Get off me, child! Virgin you may be, but your blood reeks of disgusting flavor! Dracul, get over here and hel- auuugh!"
It was like whack-a-mole. The lady's iron dress had holes, and Jack had the hammer. A very sharp, small hammer. When flesh was exposed- stab! And when the blood came gushing out- a point! It was a game that Jack was winning, because the other Assassin could not sweep the child away from her body. Mommy must be so proud! Jack laughed playfully as the Berserk Assassin floundered in anguish. Mommy is so good to her. Mommy lets her play around. This was the best day ever!
But a massive fireball was headed their way. Alpha ran a good pace back to avoid the hit, getting separated from Naughty and his side of the battle for the time being. Crap. But Jack was doing fine alone, the question was for how long...
"You're quite good, Archer of the enemies. But unfortunately for you, I have this!" Vlad the Impaler whipped out his silver lance and gracefully swatted down the Demon Archer's bullets in a circular swinging motion."
"Tch. I was only buying time, fancypants. Your commander is clever, but you have just sealed your fate. Go forth, subordinate! Give him a good thrashing!"
Mash was not sure how she got drafted into Nobunaga's tactic, but it made sense and well, here she was, going toe-to-toe with the most famous vampire lord of all. And Senpai was on board with this, so all was well. She swung her shield with all of her might, knocking the Berserk Lancer a few feet back. He held onto his lance, and regained an offensive stance. Here we go: Mash Kyrielight, readying for combat! She leapt high into the sky with her shield, allowing the Demon Archer to squeeze in some distracting gunfire at the Lancer. Gravity set in, and Mash hurtled through the air, dead-set on the vampire. He saw her coming and retreated a few steps, but not enough to withstand the shockwave from the landing. With quick feet, Mash pummeled him left, right, up, up again, until Vlad flew back and hit the ground hard. He stood up on unsteady feet, gripping his silver pole for support. There was no escape now from either Nobunaga's hellish gunfire or Mash's crushing shield.
With a horrendous explosion of smoke and gunpowder, purple sparkles outlined Vlad the Impaler's figure. It was his end.
"To be defeated...this early...how strange…your souls shine too bright with vivacity...it burns..."
"A man's life is but 50 years, vampire. A dream in the face of reality. No matter what you are, all those who stand before me perish. A creature like you is no different." Nobunaga laughed at the fading Servant's expense.
"Is that so…." With a sigh and a breeze, Berserk Lancer faded into purple sparkles.
"Nice work you two! I am truly blessed to have such beautiful and strong ragazzas as my allies. Truly, a golden duo." A corny compliment, but Mash found herself blushing anyway. Nobunaga smirked. "It was an inevitable result. Now then, I do believe I have earned myself a reward-"
"Ah, Archer. Master is at a third of his mana capacity. It would be best to let him rest now," said Mash. It was true- the Italian Master was breathing hard, as if he had ran a mile. But while a third for him was a lot compared to the average amount, she had to keep him safe.
"-another time then, retainer." At that, Naughty grew a little disappointed, but he tried not to show it. But there was one thing left to discuss, and Mash spoke the issue aloud. "Where is Jeanne and Dark Jeanne?"
"Probably dealing with each other, Mash. Let's focus on getting out of this fire prison, though. Alpha might need help." With that, the trio turned to face the growing flames.
"Stupid noble vampire. To be killed by little girls?! How boorish, he didn't even touch that Master! At least my Assassin is doing well. About time, too."
The Assassin in question had finally regained her composure and currently swung her golden staff like a baseball bat, swatting the child Assassin into the sky. Serves her Master right for making her wet a while ago. The dark Ruler smiled evilly as that blond Master caught his Servant, glaring at Carmilla.
Ah, but Carmilla couldn't have done so without her help, sending a plume of fire to separate both Masters from each other. That one little moment of distraction cost their teamwork everything. Well, it should have. At least Carmilla was still alive.
"I found you, faker! Haaa-AAUGH!"
Idiot. Standard-bearer versus standard-bearer clashed, both Jeannes giving everything they had to overtake the other. A mirror match that quickly turned one-sided as Dark Jeanne began to summon flames.
"Faker? How dull. You are clearly the impostor, Jeanne. You are nothing without your faith. Where is your God now? Was he at La Charitie, when we reduced the population to cinders and lifeless puppets?" The ashen Jeanne smirked as she pushed back the more colorful woman. "I no longer hear him. God is not here. He was not there when I was executed. He was not there in Orleans, La Charitie, Lyon, or even your hometown...Domremy."
At this, Jeanne's eyes widened in shock. "You didn't-" Big mistake. Dark Jeanne elbowed her in the torso, causing her to fall down in pain. The Dragon Witch planted her banner's end on the maiden's chest, and stepped hard on her torso, effectively pinning her down.
"As I am Jeanne D'Arc- the real one- I vowed vengeance against the people who wronged me. The World. France. And of course, that included my family. My mother. Do you remember her, Jeanne? What she looked like?"
Mother. Isabelle. Warm, kind memories of her life in the farmland flowed through Jeanne's mind. Soft hay, swaying green grass, the calm way of life before the call of God led her to her fate.
"I can see it on your face. You do know." The Dragon Witch glared with disdain, but suddenly switched to a psychotic smirk. "Then, you should know why I burnt down Domremy. Every last house, stable, animal, and human- they're nothing but ashes and food for my wyverns."
No.
"She saw me, you know. And I personally incinerated that woman for having the gall to look at me so fondly. Her last memory of her daughter will be stained with heartbreak and despair."
"How could you?!" Jeanne grit her teeth. She did not scream. She refused to show any more anger. But for such a cruelty- that could not be forgiven. This witch had to be stopped, here and now! With a free hand, she inched her fingers to the hilt of her sword. If she could just unsheathe it, then maybe-
Dark Jeanne's other foot slammed down onto her hand, the heel stabbing the center of her hand. Jeanne let out a cry of pain, and it only made her attacker even more ecstatic.
"You stupid holy virgin, incapable of letting her humanity show. Where's your anger? Is it hidden under that pathetic yelp? Are you defective?" Dark Jeanne let out a guffaw. "You are, aren't you? A faithful bitch in a godless land." Dark Jeanne conjured a spear, stabbing Jeanne's hand down. "A hero, but in reality a damsel in distress with no ally to help." Another spear appeared on her hand, and down it went through Jeanne's other hand. For this dark Jeanne, her lighter counterpart's screams were music to her ears. "And worst of all…" She materialized a third dark purple spear, piercing Jeanne straight through the gut. Now that the weakened Ruler was effectively pinned to the ground, the Dragon Witch stepped back to admire her handiwork, chuckling. "A Ruler, picking a side! What madness is that?!"
"You...are not any better," coughed Jeanne, her mouth trickling blood. "You gave your efforts to unspeakable, cruel actions."
"I did not pick a side," spat the Dragon Witch, "I was born in destruction, molded by it. It is not a choice but a calling. I follow the truth of this world, and heed the orders deemed necessary." She held a hand out, and flames began to encircle the pinned Jeanne D'Arc. "But you, worthless copy, chose to aid the "heroes". The "saviors of humanity." Where's the neutrality in that? If anything, you are rebelling against the destiny of this world, this god-forsaken France! You should have let me burn it all."
The flames consumed Jeanne, who could only whisper the Lord's Prayer. It could barely be heard in the crackle of the flames.
"...and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."
"Amen."
"And for harboring those feelings of faith, you should have never been born."
"Found ya, Alpha! How're you two holding up?" Naughty waved a greeting to his fellow Master, walking in between a smug Nobu and a relieved Mash.
"...fine. We're just fine." Alpha caressed the tired form of Jack, ruffling her white hair. She sighed happily, the picture of complete innocence. "Thanks for filling that vampire bitch full of bullets, I guess."
Suddenly Mash's eyes widened. "Ah, Alpha! Behind you is-"
"Fucking he-" Alpha turned around, only to find an extremely unsightly humanoid figure approaching him. Before he could really do anything however, Jack sprang up from her resting position and stabbed the surprise strangler. She hit metal, which was strange.
The scary adversary fell over, and the forest clearing grew quiet once more.
"Nice strike," said Ryuuto from Alpha's bracelet. "Although that wasn't a monster. That was Jeanne."
Mash could only put her hands to her face in shock while everyone else raised their eyebrows.
"Ryuuto, is that you? NOW you decide to speak up?"
"If it helps, I've been watching the entire time. You guys were doing fine on your own until now. Don't you think killing off your useful ally even if you dislike her is a bit much?"
"Excuse me," retorted Alpha, "but while a burnt corpse suddenly reaching out for you is oddly befitting of her, that...thing doesn't look like Jeanne at all!"
"Mommy is right! That scary monster looked too much like a monster to be that lady!"
After some bickering and Alpha not really giving a damn, everyone stood over the fallen charred body of Jeanne D'Arc. Her armor was still intact somehow but the cloth was as black as her evil counterpart's outfit. Well, whatever cloth was left. There was thankfully enough to cover her important parts. And of course, the holy maiden's skin was marred with garish red burns that contrasted her now ashy, pale skin. She looked morbidly peaceful, asleep without any expression that pain had been inflicted upon her moments earlier.
"So the evil Jeanne got to her, huh," said Naughty, poking at her body. "Damn, la ragazza is hot. Literally, she nearly burned my finger by just touching her. That Dragon Witch really charred Jeanne beyond recognition." He put a hand under his chin, inspecting Jeanne closer. "Though for a corpse, she looks good for dead..."
Da Vinci decided to speak up. "That may be true, but her Spirit Origin is surprisingly sturdy. With enough rest at a leyline, she may make a full recovery. And if you're all really in a pinch, you could always-"
"Kiss her?" Naughty blurted, eyebrows raising in interest. Alpha rolled his eyes. "Or better yet-"
"Yes. You could manually transfer mana more efficiently that way. Of course, the best way is through direct transfer of fluids, but given Ruler's state and who she is, that may not be an option you would want to take."
"That's definitely not an option I'm taking," murmured Alpha. "Naughty, I don't judge though. Do what you want."
"Well if you put it that way," mused Naughty, "I mean, she's technically not dead, so…"
"Senpai," scolded Mash with a shake of her head, "Senpai, no. Do NOT assault Jeanne."
The Demon Archer on the other hand, laughed vigorously. "Retainer! I didn't know you were into that! Next time, we shall re-enact Honnoji!"
Naughty shrugged. "She's still alive, so it's not weird. And besides, Jeanne's got a pulse right? I'm into everything with a pulse. I'll even consider without a pulse."
"Friendly reminder that might as well be necrophilia," Ryuuto chimed in, sighing and wondering where it all went wrong with these people's mental welfare.
"Well," said Alpha looking beyond the horizon. "Where do we go from here?"
Almost on cue, a crystal rose suddenly manifested on the ground, sparkling in the daylight. Everyone gathered around the small object, confused as to how it got there.
"A crystal rose?"
Ryuuto's eyebrows rose, ears perking up. "Like the Yu-Gi-Oh! card?"
"No way," Chiaki said with stars in her eyes. "It's Tuxedo Mask-"
"Sure hope it's not a bloody French servant showing up."
The female Master's mood deflated, easy to tell even with the long distance communication. "Why not?"
"It's a European thing. You wouldn't understand." Ryuuto hand waved it off, motioning for her to be quiet. "Also, weren't you busy with Berserker and some errands?"
"Act-ual-ly Ryu, me and Heracles working together was so productive that it's not an issue you should worry about anymore. Also you guys are weird. But fine, I'm zipping my lips." Chiaki makes a motion with her fingers over her mouth, but by then Ryuuto was already paying attention to the screen again with his Saber partner. Chiaki could swear she saw him boot up a game on his phone. Multitasking, much? She wouldn't inquire. For now. Great, she thought. Guess I'm the one watching things seriously this time.
"Ohoho, I do believe I have encountered some potential allies! What do you think, Mozart?"
A fair-haired maiden dressed in the most splendiferous outfit appeared before the group, and alongside her was a man dressed in equally colorful clothing. He seemed to smile without opening his eyes. They seemed to be nobility, or at the very least people unsuited for combat. But even so, they seemed benign.
"Mamma Mia. That's some kind of hat on her head."
"That's Mozart? But then who is she?"
Mash studied the dainty young lady. "I'm not sure. But she's so beautiful, she must be some kind of princess!"
"Actually, she is a Queen. She is the Flower of Versailles, a woman with a beauty that cuts through the murderous rage whirling in my heart." A new voice entered the fray, a man? Or a woman? It was hard to tell with the pastel colors and the knightly air this blonde had. But that pissed-off look was unmistakable- a sign of a new Berserk Servant, one of Dark Jeanne's lackeys.
Alpha tensed. "Looks like that Dragon Witch sent us a goodbye gift after all." Motioning for Jack, he glared at the newcomer. "Let's do this, Frenchie!"
Mash rushed forward to stop him. "Alpha, wait-"
"I'm not going to just let this enemy be!" Both Master and enraged knight prepared to duel, one with a Servant and the other with a sword.
"Oh dear. And I was hoping to have a nice tea party to introduce ourselves," sighed the fair-haired maiden in the pompous hat. This actually caused Alpha to stop, and the Saber enemy to slightly lower their sword. Both duelists turned to face the unhappy girl.
"Ah, did she say tea time? Because I would be down for that."
"Indeed. Perhaps tea will calm the sheer anger festering within me and allow myself to think clearly for once," mused the enemy Saber. There was a hint of sarcasm in their voice, but the blonde knight managed to calm down to the surprise of everyone. Alpha decided this French knight was perhaps 1% better than the other French solely for this reaction.
"Wonderful!" The young lady clasped her hands together with a bright smile. "Now let's all get to know each other as we have afternoon tea."
"Well, this is rather nice. We finally get some peace after Dark Jeanne terrorized everyone. I don't really know how that lady could defuse the situation so quickly, but I love her already!" To mimic them, Chiaki made some green tea for herself, Ryuuto, and Okita.
"Well, we'll see how long this can last," said Ryuuto. "But they really do deserve the breather."
Author's Note: And this is where I actually go off the rails with the story. Get ready to learn why this is a crackfic above all. Loooooong time no see.