Author's Note

Thanks for reading this story, and I am pleased to announce the newest chapter. It might be a little slow to get into, and I know some of you will have questions and may be confused about what's happening, so please PM me if necessary. I will answer any and all questions that I can. A quick reminder is that I am addressing the character's in this story as their modern names until it is clear that they remember and then I will transfer the names into the Camelot ones. If you need a list of whose who to keep track here it is:

In this chapter, Richard is Gaius. Caroline is Hunith. Alice is Queen Ygraine. Pauline is Alice from "Love in the Time of Dragons". Tony is Uther Pendragon. Bradley is Authur Pendragon. Tom is just Tom, father of Elyan and Guinevere. Hope that clears up the confusion for the most part.

Enjoy the chapter, and please review. All reviewers get a cookie, and I try to reply to everyone of you :) I like to hear what you thought of the chapter, what you didn't like, any questions or concerns, your favorite parts, and any suggestions/comments about my writing in general. Alright, I've kept you long enough, and if you bothered to read this, thank you.

Onto the chapter,

Erin

(c) January 21, 2013 - Idom

Chapter One
"Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?"
-Cry by Kelly Clarkson

Richard had never been sentimental guy.

He often let a Christmas pass without a word of holiday greeting to his patients, and once, when he had been married to Pauline, their anniversary went unnoticed. Fortunately, no one placed much blame on the then forty-seven-year-old, having spent most of his life engaged to his career as a doctor in central New York City at Westside Memorial. Fresh out of medical school, he had settled in an apartment with his fiancée turned wife and served long hours and endless nights on call for those in need. Pauline happened to own a private clinic across the city, so she shared the same passion for medicine as well as the same time schedule.

Nonetheless, Richard regretted his occasional lapse in feeling every so often, especially during one frigid night in early December, shortly after his forty-seventh birthday, when a drunken semi-driver collided with a taxi cab on the corner of Wall Street.

It was such an evening when Richard's regrets became a permanent fixture in his heart as Pauline's heart monitor flat lined, the bellowing screech audible in the waiting room where the widowed spouse now stood, his wife the only victim of the accident. Though twenty-two years eventually passed, starting with Richard taking over his wife's clinic and proceeding onwards, he always desired a certain day back. When you love someone, Richard swore, you must let it be known each and every day or the person will be nothing more than a worthless figment in the back of your mind. Granted he developed such a philosophy after Pauline, it carried him through the long hours and endless nights afterwards.

Shortly after Pauline left his life, the first memory struck.

At first, images ran like a picture movie across his mind's eye, seeming like a hallucination of a visual and auditory delusion. It was uncanny what his overworked brain could imagine after forty years without some form of rest. The concept of sleep was lost on him, Pauline used to joke, and when the memories first began, they came when his head finally hit the pillow after hours of constant surveillance and attention, so he paid them no heed in the beginning. The dreams, however, continued to crash upon him. They flooded his mental senses until he bolted up in bed, blankets askew, sweat lining his brow.

The memories soon took over his conscious hours as well. From dawn to dusk, he heard the murmured incantations, smelled the burning flesh stemming from a pyre, felt the lingering effects of nonexistent magic leaving his fingertips, and saw the full-tooth grin of the long forgotten ward he swore to always protect.

Merlin.

Thoughts of the young boy who lived with his heart on his sleeve and saw the goodness in all aspects of the world haunted him. For the next few months, he remembered the life he had once lived and accepted that he was living once more. They showed his thriving position as Camelot's court physician, Alice (Pauline in this life) striding at his side. He remembered King Uther Pendragon's request and the Great Purge that followed, all the while aiding his loved ones in escape and cradling the newborn Arthur to his chest, the only proof that Ygraine once lived. Hunth's tears as she came to him for confirmation of the child growing inside her womb shortly after Balinor was forced to flee Ealdor. The near-death experience the naïve, young boy named Merlin had saved him from. The fire separating him from his ward's body years later as Camelot almost descended into chaos – the haunting stares of Merlin, Arthur, and Morgana burned into his mind.

He remembered it all, and he took it in stride. By then, Richard had accepted that he was Gaius and that Pauline was Alice, and this time around, fate had granted him some time with his beloved before wrenching her from his life. He never reacted to the memories, just soaking it up, fondly looking back on the blessings he had before, never acting upon it until the blinding smile of Ygraine met his eyes, shimmering tears of joy streaking her rosy cheeks, a mere three years after the first memory.

Two months since the conception planned for centuries, Ygraine (more commonly known as Alice in this life) had seemingly no lingering idea of past events and no chance to wonder if they were to repeat. Even her strong, strapping husband, Tony, showed no signs of recognition when he met Gaius's handshake with a firm and unyielding grip. The future, Gaius feared, that would mimic their past lives began to unfold, leaving the doctor with his gut twisting into knots. It would be seven months – a full two hundred and seventeen days – before the Once and Future King was reborn.

Some time later, Gaius stood over the couple's suggestions of names for their baby boy, contently relinquishing his thoughts on their blissful ignorance. Perhaps there was a chance that Arthur wouldn't have to go through the hardships originally predicated for the second time around. However, he would never forget the hollow thud of his heart when Ygraine narrowed the choices down to Arthur or Bradley, pleading Tony to pick the final outcome. Gaius failed to notice Tony's flinch on the name "Arthur" as he settled for Bradley straight away.

Gaius instead focused on Ygraine's preparation for a comfortable delivery which would lead to her last moment before leaving her beloved husband for a second and final time.

In the first few months of her pregnancy, Gaius grew close to the family and tried to pretend that the events would not repeat themselves. He kept reminding himself that if Ygraine's reincarnation survived, which it appeared she would, all would be well. Part of him strayed to the existence of said woman in the first place: how did they all end up back here?

Gaius knew that Merlin cast a spell on the shores of Avalon to "save his destiny". Perhaps Merlin's spell intertwined complexity within the magic, and instead of saving lives, it created them, and ended up weaving too many lives into the spell, ultimately bringing back everyone ever involved in Merlin's destiny which included Ygraine and Alice and Uther. It was more than the lives, Gaius thought, that Merlin, if he did know what he was doing, intended for. The warlock had unintentionally promised another chance at life for almost everyone in the Arthurian legend. Perhaps this particular reason caused all of his ward's magic to pool into one specific spell, draining him of all strength necessary for survival.

He died after that spell, Gaius recalled, slumped over the physician, struggling to breath as he joined Arthur and Morgana who passed before him merely minutes before.

To simply life without his surrogate son passed by bleak and colorless would diminish the meaning Merlin had in Gaius's life. Without Merlin, the world seized to spin, just emptiness on an axis; after that fateful day, he counted the days till he would see his ward at the Gates of Avalon. However, when the scythe finally slashed upon him, he snapped his eyes shut and awoke in the dark bedroom as Richard, remembering everything. It never fazed him; in all actuality, it never bothered whether he was Gaius or Richard – he was still the same person. His soul stemmed from either essence. He accepted the memories as a part of him, but as Gaius or Richard, he still didn't have Merlin with him.

Gaius knew the other reincarnations would eventually remember when Ygraine lay on the hospital bed, fighting for the right to even breathe. She was given the newborn Bradley to hold during the last few seconds and her eyes widened in astonishment, running a blood-stained finger across her son's cheek. His bottom lip quivered but he refused to cry. She held on longer than expected, allowing no one to force her to give up her hold until she was truly ready to die. Even when she drifted into conscious and her heart began to fail, the tight grasp remained on her son; no one was able to pull him away until she was gone. Yet she still clung to Bradley as a lifeline when Tony reached for him from his mother's cold embrace.

It was then, when Bradley and Tony were both touching her that she whispered with her last breath: "I remember, Uther."

Gaius realized that Tony, King Uther himself, did as well as he lowered his lips to Ygraine's cold ones. "I do too, my love. I have for a while. I will do it right this time. I swear on your life I shall do it right." Gaius didn't have the heart to tell Uther that she couldn't hear him.

Gaius left the widow and his son to mourn the loss of Ygraine, and he pictured Uther's wrath as he lashed out at magic last time around. In the present, however, he took it all with a stern grief, choosing to suffer in silence for the inevitable occurrence. Destiny may have given them a second chance but not in this particular scene. Gaius returned some time later to remove Bradley from Uther's care in order to place him with the nurses to be checked over. The man wordlessly gave the babe over and as the doctor turned to leave, he cleared him throat.

"You couldn't save her this time either," he stated.

Gaius met his far-off gaze. "It appears so. I am sorry for your loss, Mr. James. Alice grew close to me during these past seven months; I too share in your grief."

"Her name was Ygraine. I know you remember." Gaius nodded, and the younger man sighed. "As do I, Gaius."

"How long have you known?"

"Long enough to know what I did was wrong." Gaius was curious as to what changed Uther's view on magic and prevented him from going into a blind rage this time.

Uther seemed to read the doctor's mind and he let a wry smile slip onto his face. "Magic is eradicated from the realm, Gaius; it can't corrupt anyone. I can't blame Ygraine's death on a sorcerer this time. Besides, I know it was magic that brought us back, and it proved to be a good thing… Tell me do you know which sorcerer is responsible for a such a thing?"

Gaius blew out a hesitant breath and stated with pride, "My ward, Merlin, was a warlock. He gave us all a second chance without knowing so. You have him to thank." It was only a matter of minutes, he assumed, before Uther would burst out in accusations of betrayal for the false ally in the war against magic back in Camelot. Before he had time to prepare himself, though, Bradley opened his eyes, looked directly at Gaius with a look of an aged soul. It took the doctor's breath away, and he cradled the newborn close. He knew that look. Bradley was Arthur Pendragon.

Uther's voice broke through his thoughts. "He was like a son to you, wasn't he? That boy."

Merlin's last smile staid with Gaius, etched in his memories forever, the ones of the rave boy who gave up his life for all he cared for and believed in. Every night he pressed his head against the pillow, and the warlock accompanied his dreams; the final image was always his farewell smile.

"He was."

Uther nodded, comprehension dominating his features; still shaken from his wife's death, he was tempted to place the blame on whatever aspect of life he could, just like he did before, calling magic out as a scape goat. He wanted to go through the motions, leaving the rest of the world behind. "I understand why you kept this from me. No father can ever watch their son suffer." Gaius raised his head in surprise. "I… I wish to apologize, Gaius, for everything I did. I was blinded by rage and grief at the loss of Ygraine…" Uther choked on his words, tears shining in the corners of his eyes. "So many people were killed at my hand… Innocents, Gaius. I murdered hundred, and I will live with that for the rest of my life." His gaze softened as he spared a quick glance at Bradley. "I regret many things, but I promise, this time it will all be different. For example… I will be a better father."

At these final words, Uther resigned himself to sit beside Ygraine, lost in his memories of better days. Gaius made a leave from the delivery room and towards the nursery; Bradley squirmed slightly in his arms. In truth, the mention of his and Merlin's past relationships sparked tears to prick in the doctor's eyes; he was attacked by a wave of sandess as he handed the baby to a nurse. Now, more than ever, he longed for his ward's presence, calling upon all the magic in the world to bring his reincarnation forward.

As the grief ripped through him, Gaius's silent plea echoed into Avalon.

Merlin.

Across the world, a mighty dragon answered with a deafening roar. Destiny had, once again, begun.

Two Years Later

His hot breath tickled her neck as the olive-toned hand stroked the sweat-tangled curls, the moment repetitive in order to sooth the flailing woman. His throaty chuckled reverberated off of the interior of the taxi cab, sending tremors of relief through her body, hitching as the pain rippled across her lower abdomen. He laid is hand on her stomach so he could feel her contractions, counting the seconds to soothe her.

"Let me know when the next one hits, alright, Caroline?" His toffee eyes met her own dull, steel-blue ones over her bents knees, holding a glimmer of excitement for the miracles of birth he was witnessing. "Your water already broken, so it won't be much longer."

"How… How do you know… so much?" she gasped out through gritted teeth, gulping as the pain stole away her ability of speech.

He needed and reached down to grasp her hand in a reassuring manner. "My daughter was born last year; it just so happened to be in the back of a cab as well. What can I say? New York traffic sucks."

Before she could form an answer, she let out a loud cry and pulled her hand away from the man who had convinced the taxi driver to pick up a pregnant woman on the streets of New York City on New Year's Eve. On the late December night, a blizzard struck the unsuspecting citizens, the snow sprinkling around them in heavy amounts. The woman had felt the first contractions begin when she stepped out of her apartment building, and she bolted to the sidewalk, eager for a taxi to transport her to hospital for the awaited occasion nine months in the making. However, the storm made travel near impossible and traffic had piled back for miles on end, stranding her in the heart of the city about to give birth to a baby.

Thankfully, a kind Samaritan had pulled up alongside her as a contraction took control, forcing her to double over with a low moan. Understanding the current situation, he escorted her into the waiting car. They were fighting through traffic, but it was obvious the baby would be born on a New York street in the back of a filthy taxi.

The woman grabbed her knees as the urge to push became overwhelming; the stranger murmured low words of encouragement, and the taxi driver grimaced from the position behind the man who was between the woman's legs, guiding the newborn into the world as the woman lounging across the backseat delivered it. The driver had flung the door open the man took charge of her labor, retrieving the necessities from a department store traffic had conveniently paused alongside of. He had braked the car, and now, the chorus of impatient horns sounded with frustration at the late evening. Having been New Years, it was no wonder chaos ensued.

"The baby's head is out," the man announced, tilting it to the side to allow any fluid in the mouth to escape. A tuft of raven hair was already visible; it mirrored its mother. "Just a few more pushes, Caroline, and it'll be over soon."

She bore down again, and the right shoulder was dislodged, and he placed his hands on it to guide it out steadily. When Caroline let out a shriek after another push, he twisted the left side and managed to free the other shoulder in a matter of seconds. Another contraction sparked the loudest cry, and Caroline bore down one last time and with a gush of fluid, the infant was free. The wailing began from the baby and the man used the scissors the driver handed over and severed the umbilical chord; another minute passed, and she delivered the afterbirth. The driver let out a disgusted groan, but the man ignored the reaction and swaddled the baby in a soft blanket before placing it in Caroline's frail arms.

"Congratulation: you have a baby boy."

She shook her head in defiance, not accepting of her son. "Get him away from me. Take him. Give him to the hospital. I don't care."

"It's your son!" the man retorted, flabbergasted by Caroline's reaction. The driver shimmied into the front of the taxi, closing the door, and put the car in gear, trying to get the woman to the hospital. Traffic seemed to be moving along better, and they were five minutes from the hospital.

"Mister-"

"Tom."

"Tom, you don't understand. I can't take care of him. And if he turns out to have his father's talents- then… There's no hope. Please, I can't give him a good life. Put him in foster care, take him as your own – I don't care. Anywhere is better than with me."

"I'm not doing that."

Caroline dug into her purse, breathing heavily, sweat-soaked hair plastered across her face. She fumbled for a moment before raising a pocket knife in a trembling hand; the man held the baby close, pulling away in horror. She shook her head, insistent on the demand. "Take him."

Tom looked down upon the bundle which had seized its shrieking cries, staring at him with an alert expression. It startled him for he knew it was impossible for infants to truly focus on their surroundings such as this one appeared to be, almost pleading him to trust his instincts. Once his thoughts drifted to the newborn and a quick glance at the worn-out mother, he settled on his decision. Hastily reaching into his jacket pocket, he withdrew a few crumbled bills and placed them in Caroline's hands. She nodded in understanding, knowing full on that Tom would obey her wishes. With unsteady hands, she reached towards her son, wanting to stroke his forehead as a final farewell, but at the last second, she snatched her hand away.

She would regret it for the next two decades.

Tomcast a look of disgust as she put the knife at her side. "Why are you doing this?" he questioned as he pulled the boy closer to him for warmth. When Caroline ducked her head from view, he sighed to himself. "Take the money and get your life together." He shook his head, pitying the woman's rash decision. "Someday, you're going to want to him back. I guarantee it."

Crystal eyes locked with her baby's. "Just take him."

"We're here," the driver state, and both people in the back jumped in surprise, having forgotten where they were.

Tom followed the command, wrenching the door open, the frigid air embracing the remaining occupants' dazed forms, and bolted down the sidewalk to the emergency room. With a shaky breath, Caroline raised her hand to the transparent glass, the only barrier between she and her son as she watched him disappear for what she thought would be forever.

"Take me to Dr. Wilson's clinic on fourteenth street, please," she begged, feeling the throbbing increase with her exhaustion. She could no loner see Tom and her baby. She whispered a final goodbye as the cab shifted gears. "Take care. May the gods watch over you, Merlin."

The flash of recognition faded as quickly as the old memories stirred. Hunith of Ealdor had changed destiny. This time around – Emrys would have no one.

Gaius reclined in his desk hair, fingers drumming a rhythmic tune on the oak wood tabletop, attempting to pulling himself from the consuming thoughts he was faced with. The image of Caroline – Hunith – arriving with blood trailing down her legs, staining her garments and his floor, the familiar sight of her once toned stomach bulging as if pregnant. His worse fears were erupting as he ushered her into his office, knowing who she once was and the person she was destined to give birth too. However, the blood caused his heart to swell and choke off his air supply. Nothing could happen to Merlin's reincarnation or the world was doomed. When he checked her over, the horrid truth was revealed as tears streamed down his and Hunith's face.

"I gave birth in the back of a cab," she stammered, "The baby was dead."

Gaius closed his eyes, unable to believe her story. "Where is the boy, Caroline?"

"With his father." Gaius didn't need any further explanation; he knew where the boy's father was.

Eventually, he cleaned her and set her in an adjourning room to keep watch throughout the night, his body numbing and thoughts still. Within five hours, when he dozed in his office, he later learned, Hunith had escaped back to her apartment and packed her belongings and then fled the city, leaving Gaius with no connection to his ward whatsoever. What was left was a single envelope sitting on the window. Quickly, he opened it and saw her cursive, elegant scrawling. He had been unable to read it at the time, choosing to return to his office where he had privacy and tensed before dwelling within.

Gaius,

He swallowed a lump in his throat. She remembered.

Gaius,

I know the turn of events much be a shock to you. My son's death has taken a toll on me, and I must leave before I break completely. I imagine it's as difficult for you as well. I would give anything to have spared you the grief and sadness that I'm feeling. After all, it hurts even the second time around, considering he was once your ward.

Even though he mourned the loss of destiny, he still was in shock that Hunith remembered and had never spoken of it the night before. She must have understood the devastation the baby's death would cause, hence leaving the elderly man with no explanation as to why she choose to dispose of the body where the father was – at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Why not give him a proper burial though, especially considering the events in their past lives?

For the past few months, I have been struck with vivid memories of life in Ealdor, and I remembered how I reacted to news of Merlin's death and the words I wished I could have told him. You wouldn't understand, though, because it was you who held him in your arms, reassuring him in his last moments. Please bear with me when I tell you that I needed to deal with my baby on my own terms. I don't regret it, even though I knew you would want to see him one last time.

Gaius, it wasn't an easy choice to make. I know I should have brought his body back to you, but you must understand. I loved my son – in both lives. One because he was the only thing I had left of dear Balinor, my dear John. I know that love at first sight is a stupid idea since when I met John I was twenty-two and had stupid ideas of what love was, but I knew instantly from the moment I met him that he was the man I would love forever. I still do. I will continue to love him till the day I die and onto the next life if I have one. A thousand years may separate us, but my feelings will never change. I want to thank you for bringing John into my life. Because of you, you made us so happy up until the end.

Gaius closed his eyes as the sudden predication of what direction the letter as heading hit him full force. He knew that as Hunith, she had wanted Merlin to be buried near his father even after he had told her of his death and resting place along the shores of Avalon with his father. He inhaled deeply as he forced himself to continue her letter.

When John and I were together, it was really something incredible. We had so little, but yet all we really needed was each other. When he was called out of the Witness Protection Program, we thought we could have it all. That man would be put away forever because he murdered those people. With that horrible man gone, we cold get married and start a family. But the day John was killed in court returned all my dreams. I was lost, Gaius; it was Balinor all over again. Somehow, though, much like before, I was left with a part of him after he was already gone.

At first, through the nine months I carried Merlin, all I could think about was how I could provide for him, keep him safe, give him everything he needed. But the moment I came for the ultrasound months ago, I began to have my memories.

And it scared me even more.

There was a reason John survived the first attempt on his life. He had magic, Gaius, and I knew that my son would have it too. In the past, he suffered so much because of it, and I couldn't let that happen. Magic took him away from me in the end, and even if he weren't dead today, I wouldn't have let destiny have him. I told myself I would keep him away from everything this time. You were the one who held him in the end, not me. You were with him when he was in pain or had fears and insecurities or when he thrived. Because Merlin had magic, I couldn't be there for him. I'm not sure I could have been there for him this time too.

In the end, I wanted it to just be my son and me.. Last time, you had him. This time I held him. Last time, you buried him with his friends. This time I buried him with his father. I know I should have brought him to you, but I needed it to just be a peaceful and silent rest. I wanted to spare him the pain he would have had if he met you and everyone else in his destiny. I'm not happy he's dead, but I want you to know he's better off as.

Thank you for everything, Gaius. I will never forget you or your kindness.

Hunith

P.S. Don't try to find me. I want to get away from everything.

Gaius placed the note on his desk, eyes glazed over with sheen of tears. He vowed himself not to cry, but a single droplet dripped down his face. He wanted to deny the letter's existence, but in doing so, he'd lose the one link he had to Merlin. He couldn't believe it. Destiny was meant to continue; Arthur was here, and Merlin, for a short time, had as well. It didn't make sense, though. How could the person who caused all of this die before beginning it? The doctor reclined in his chair, placing his head in his hands, rubbing his temples to relieve the throbbing headache. There was no guarantee about the future anymore. If Merlin wasn't alive, how would destiny continue? The legends spoke that when Albion's need was greatest, Arthur would rise again. Gaius knew that it was unachievable without Merlin.

He had to do something. There had to be a solution. Internally, his heart picked up speed, and the answer flooded through his veins for the first time in centuries, a millennia even. Destiny appeared to have wanted to right itself; with or without Merlin, Gaius realized, destiny would continue. He didn't have another choice. There had to be someone on this Earth who remembered, who knew of what was to come.

Gaius had to find someone. A Seer. The next prophet. Perhaps a dragon or two. There was only one problem: it would take magic to do it. In a haste, Gaius bolted from his chair, throwing his office door open. As he stepped out into the blistery night, he had no idea where he was going. In the span of a few hours, he would follow Hunith's example and pack a bag, board a plane, and set out across the world in search for an answer – anything really.

For the first time in thousands of years, Gaius's eyes flared a deep molten gold, the magic leaving his fingertips.

All he knew is that he would find someway to jumpstart destiny. He might as well start where it all began and ended; it was time to go home.