Chapter 9

Remaining in a state of awe even as they spoke into the early hours of the morning, Sakura watched Sai's usually impassive expression, soaking up the unusual sight of his recently discovered emotions.

It was obvious he didn't understand them fully or was working hard to regain his composure once more, or that he'd only experienced it in response to her own pain, but Sakura was astonished, nonetheless. And try as she might to keep that from showing for fear of making him uncomfortable, it was impossible. During each mundane topic they discussed, she continuously found her mind wandering.

"It's dawn," Sai informed her when she yawned, shifting the curtain back to its original spot. "I should go."

Despite nothing happening between them or the fact anything like that was the furthest thing from either of their minds, Sakura knew his being there wouldn't look good, especially not if they were seen by the wrong people. Mainly Naruto or Gaara–

No, Gaara didn't count anymore… did he?

Did he?

Gods, what was he thinking? Why demand them to remain in his village for another night? To torture her with the sight of him and his future wife? No, it couldn't have been for that reason. Gaara had the potential to be ruthless, sure, but in their time together – hell, since he changed – he'd never been cruel. Not to her, anyway.

Pausing at the door, Sai glanced over his shoulder before turning fully, hand still resting on the doorknob as he asked, "Will you be okay?"

She paused at the question, though found herself smiling a moment later. Sai certainly wasn't as bad as she'd originally thought him to be, and although he'd made several regretful mistakes in his learning of social interactions and emotions, Sakura believed he'd hit the nail on the head with understanding her that night. How could she not get that impression when he'd cried seeing her pain?

"Don't worry about me," she assured him with a warm smile. "It'll take more than a breakup to keep me down."

It certainly wasn't her first heartbreak and with how tragic her love life appeared to be, the pessimistic side of her knew it wouldn't be the last, even though she hoped otherwise.

He was still figuring out the smile, but the one he gifted her with in that moment was still charming, because Sakura could see how hard he was trying to express his newly awakened emotions.

"Good. See you."

Even after the door shut, she remained stood there, gaze growing distant as she was forced to wallow in her own heartbreak and self-pity. Part of her wanted to ask Sai to return, simply so she wouldn't be alone with her thoughts. Even when they'd fallen into prolonged silences, it was comfortable and her mindset was, well, at least she wasn't alone while lost in such dark thoughts. With Sai by her side, they'd felt bearable.

For all her talk on refusing to be Gaara's other woman and deserving more than that, she felt strangely hollow inside walking away entirely, like her heart yearned for her to go through with the shameful secret regardless. Of course, she would never do that, but it both saddened and frustrated Sakura that her heart was so weak.

Why was she so weak?

She jolted awake unexpectedly, spending several moments attempting to find her bearings. When nothing came to her, she tiredly wiped at her chin at the odd tight sensation found there, grimacing at the dried drool.

Daylight filtered into the room through the slight gaps of the curtain, the long streaks of light only reaching the ground and the very bottom of the furthest wall. It wasn't enough to tell what time of day it was, and Sakura cursed herself for falling asleep at dawn. Tiredness was not an excuse – not when it was self-inflicted – and to give into her body's needs was unprofessional. She–

A lazy knock on her door alerted her to the fact it was more than likely the cause of her waking up. Frowning and attempting to ignore the palpitating of her heart as she foolishly hoped it to be a certain redhead, Sakura climbed off the bed, once more chiding herself for falling asleep in her clothes on top of the covers. But of course, she hadn't wanted to dress down with Sai in the room, in addition to knowing that they would be staying up for a while.

"Kakashi-sensei?" she murmured curiously, only for her eyes to widen dramatically at how bright the hallway was. "What time is it?"

He hummed thoughtfully, rubbing his masked chin. "About midday."

Midday? "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to sleep in. I didn't–"

"Get much sleep," Kakashi noted, though not unkindly. He sighed and gestured with a tip of his chin for her to go back into her room. "We shouldn't really discuss team dynamics in the hallway, Sakura."

What?

What?

"What do you mean?" Sakura questioned unsurely. She stepped aside anyway, allowing him entry. Fortunately for her, aside from the gifts she'd purchased while perusing the markets in Suna, her room was spotless so there was no fear of him stumbling across anything embarrassing. "Did something happen?"

"That's what I need to ask you."

"…Eh?"

Instead of joining her at the table in her room, Kakashi remained standing in the centre of it, his body language informing Sakura that it wouldn't be a pleasant conversation they were about to have. No, if the tension in the air was anything to go by, then they were about to potentially butt heads. She grimaced. The last thing she ever wanted to do was go against her former sensei.

"Sai's room was unused last night," Kakashi commented lightly. Even though he pocketed his hands and was using a carefree tone, Sakura could sense the conversation was anything but. "And I can smell that he was here recently."

What she wanted to say was that it was none of his damn business who was in her room, when or why. But… it kind of was his business. Well, it wasn't so much that he had a right to know, but kind of that he had to.

There was another heavy sigh and he finally joined her at the table. "As you know, I try to avoid involving myself in another's personal matters, especially if it doesn't concern me." She nodded understandingly. In all the time she'd known him, he'd never interfered. Not once. Not unless her life was in danger. "As captain, however, I have to take note of all risk factors and a relationship between teammates is one of the greatest, since as you personally know, it creates a conflict of interests."

Essentially meaning one or both of them could either get themselves injured or killed trying to protect one another. There was also the risk of missions being jeopardised by teammates being involved. It was actually one of the bigger causes of admissions in the hospitals.

There'd been many times when she'd foolishly and helplessly thrown herself in harm's way trying to protect Sasuke, ruled entirely by her childish heart while knowing in her mind that he was more than capable of protecting himself. If anything, she made the likelihood of his being harmed higher, because he'd then felt as though he had to save her.

"You're wrong, Kakashi-sensei," she said quickly, stopping him just as he was about to continue. "Sai wasn't… It's not like that."

Taking herself out of the equation altogether (because the idea of them being together that way was just so… unlikely), for anything to even happen involving him and romance, Sai had to understand his feelings better – not just emotions, but how he was feeling, which was a huge difference, in her eyes. Not only for himself and his own happiness and safety in the relationship, but the other person's too.

Love was confusing enough as it was but paired with his general unawareness of his emotions and feelings left him way too vulnerable for her liking. She wasn't insinuating that he couldn't take care of himself physically, but there was always that chance that someone with impure intentions could take advantage of his struggles. They could potentially ruin all progress he'd been making in relearning his emotions, could make him question why he'd tried so hard to understand in the first place if it only led to more pain. Could make him feel how she often felt. And just the thought of that happening to him tore at her heart.

But how was she supposed to tell Kakashi all of that?

"Then what is it?" he questioned.

What was it? "Friends confiding in one another. He's…" Sakura shook her head, unsure as to how much she could share with him since it wasn't her experience to tell. But… Didn't it fall under risk factors? "The place where he grew up did a number on him, huh?" When all that met her was silence, green eyes saddened, drifting down to the space between them on the table. "He came to me last night because he was experiencing emotions without knowing they were emotions."

Realisation had Kakashi sighing again and she was relieved to find no distrust or annoyance in his gaze. Only understanding. "And naturally, he came to a medic-nin he trusts." Another pause and she looked up when he continued. "I won't ask what transpired – I know you're bound by patient confidentiality in this case – but as captain, I will ask you professionally: will this affect missions?"

She inhaled deeply at that. If she pushed aside emotion and answered honestly as a professional? Then yes. Sai's sudden discovery of emotions and struggling to understand them could lead to risks on missions. Last night, she'd witnessed first-hand that he was affected by her emotional agony and during missions, there was always that risk that she would experience some form of pain. That could lead to his unnecessary involvement during sticky situations, which could, in turn, lead to injury or death.

"Yeah. It could affect missions. However, taking him out of the team could do more harm than good – for him, at least," answered Sakura honestly. "I'm not a specialist in this area, but even I know that it'll be as good as telling him he's wrong for experiencing these feelings. It's detrimental to his emotional – perhaps even mental – well-being that we don't kick up a fuss about it and essentially punish him for finally beginning to understand."

There was silence for a few moments, a contemplative silence where Kakashi regarded her to the point where Sakura felt unsure of herself. However, she refused to fidget or show her nerves in front of a superior she admired. Instead, she tried her best to remain tall and proud, standing her ground and remaining resolute in her words.

But what did she do if Kakashi argued? What if he believed she was bringing her emotions into the decision, because she'd witnessed just how hard Sai struggled to understand them all?

"Is it any different from Naruto and his tendency to allow his emotions to rule him?" she demanded, heart seizing in her chest because as much as she admired Kakashi and never wanted to disobey a superior, she would butt heads with him all damn day if she saw even a slither of a chance of Sai being removed from the team. "He's always causing trouble on missions and always allowing himself to get riled up. Tell me, Kakashi-sensei, what makes Sai any different? Why can we excuse Naruto's behaviour, but penalise Sai for his?"

"I understand that you care deeply for your teammates, but calm down, Sakura. I'm not arguing with you," he stated firmly, his frown unsettling her. "Sai is an integral part of this team now. I know many see him as nothing more than Sasuke's replacement, but we don't. I don't."

She sucked in a sharp breath, both from the mentioning of Sasuke's name and the realisations that Kakashi was willing to fight for Sai, too.

"We will defend Sai just as we would any other member of Team Seven," Kakashi soon continued. His single eye narrowed, brow furrowing. "Whether that be on missions or against superiors if they go against our decisions to keep him on our team."

"Even with the risks?" she asked meekly, eyebrows puckering hopefully.

He nodded once resolutely. "Even with the risks."

Sakura's sudden grin was wide and happy, and she noticed the way Kakashi's eye creased with warmth.

"Those who abandon their friends are worse than scum," she repeated their team's mantra.

"Aa."

Knowing Kakashi was well and truly won over, she felt herself slumping with relief. Even though the concern had lasted minutes, if that, it'd certainly taken it out of her.

"Come on," ordered Kakashi lightly. He stood with a grunt, like merely standing exhausted him but she knew it to be for show, unless he spent the morning sparring with Naruto and Sai. "You need to eat before our meeting with the Kazekage."

Wait, what? Why were they having a meeting with Gaara? Like it wasn't strange enough that they were being asked to linger in Suna when their mission was officially over, now they had to meet with him again? Hadn't the salt been rubbed in hard enough already?

"Why?" Sakura asked disbelievingly, trying so very hard to hide the fact her heart was currently shredded to pieces by the man they had to meet. "We should be halfway home by now."

"Who knows?" Kakashi sighed. Offering a one-armed shrug, he made his way to the door, pocketing one hand. "But we can't disobey a direct order from the Kazekage. It could cause trouble for Tsunade-sama."

Copying his weighted sigh, she followed after him, but the moment they left her bedroom she heard the voices of the councilmen. Kakashi did, too. And she could tell he was about to announce their presence, however for the first time ever, she beat him to the punch by dragging the Copy-Nin back into her room and shutting the door to. She found herself holding her breath in anticipation as a single green eye peered through the tiniest of cracks, watching and waiting for them to show themselves.

And they did. Complaining loudly, too.

"This will reflect badly on Suna. Should the daimyō's niece feel humiliated enough, it could come back to bite us later."

Sakura frowned and ignored her former sensei's huff as he leaned his side into the wall next to her, staring down at her questioningly.

"And to send us to break the news! Has the Kazekage no shame?"

Her eyes widened.

Surely…?

"It is not that he has no shame – he straight up doesn't care for the girl."

"Well, it is that unconcerned mindset of his that is going to run this village into the ground."

Oh, Gods. What had Gaara done now? He knew that the councilmen didn't like him already. Why was he pushing his luck?

What had he done?

"This marriage was supposed to tie our village closer to the Land of Fire," continued one of the elders gruffly. If she wasn't mistaken, then they were closer to the other end of the corridor now and she despaired at the thought of them disappearing before she'd heard the end of their conversation. "What do we do now that he has ended it in such a humiliating way for the daimyō? To send her back like nothing more than goods…"

And they were gone, but that was fine, Sakura decided as she continued to stare out into the minuscule amount of hallway she could see. It was fine because she'd heard all she'd needed to.

Gaara rejected the marriage.

Did that…?

No, don't get caught up in it, Sakura warned herself, trying and failing to ignore the rampant beating of her heart and the threatening stinging of her eyes. She had no right to hope he'd ended it for her. It was foolish of her to do so. What were the chances of someone like her – someone so far below him in status and from a different freaking village – having enough power over Sabaku no Gaara to cause such a rash decision on his part?

But, the chances…

Stop it, she snapped.

"Sakura," came the sing-song voice of her former sensei. His hand came to her head in a playful pat, and she was grateful to be yanked out of her dangerously hopeful thoughts. "Mind explaining yourself? That was awfully rude to listen in on Suna's private matters."

Wasn't really private when they were complaining so loudly in such a public area, Sakura wanted to snap back in response. However, she held back the sharp reply and instead told him, "Are you kidding me, Kakashi-sensei? Do you know what Ino would do to me if I returned home and didn't give her the juiciest piece of gossip from Suna?"

The lie was mulled over, but she knew she'd won Kakashi over. It seemed her superficial days back before everything fell apart had done a number on him, and he'd yet to see her growth in maturity. As much as it should have disheartened her, in that moment, she was too grateful for it all. The lie had to work, because what the hell would happen if he found out about the affair?

Keeping Sai's emotional awakening was one thing. Keeping an affair between the Hokage's apprentice and the Kazekage was simply asking for way too much.

"So?"

She frowned up at him, anxiety biting at her heart and making her stomach hurt. "So?"

"Are we going for lunch, or not?"

It was bought. Holy crap, her lie was bought.

Not taking any chances, she was quick to agree with a grin.