AN: See if you can guess the Decepticon is from Miles japanese tentacle porn comment. :D
XDarkestAngelX: I thought it would be a nice touch for Sunstreaker to learn Spanish just to help annoy everybody. And yes, they should know better than to bet against Epps. It's inevitable that they'll lose.
A little bit of silliness before we get to the real stuff. I'm not sure if I'll actually have any battle scenes, I don't have experience with writing those so I might just skip them entirely.
At the Autobot base in Nevada
The crew selected to go on the mission hadn't been gone even a full day yet. Mikaela and Judy had arrived during the afternoon. Sarah and Judy had taken it upon themselves to have a cook out for them, Sam, Maggie, Glen, Mikaela, and anyone else who wanted to come. This included the Cybertronians of course, but Sarah was surprised when Barricade showed up behind Bumblebee's holoform, looking slightly reluctant as he glanced around. Bumblebee was in front of him, Sam and Mikaela flanked him on either side, and Judy brought up the rear. Sarah tried not to smile as she thought the poor Decepticon had been forced there.
Optimus and Ratchet appeared as well, both following Bumblebee and Barricade's example and using their holoforms. Glen used the only grill on base and made hamburgers and hotdogs. All the humans ate what they wanted, some of them being cautious of their beverage choice because of Ratchet being there. He said nothing about it even if he did see it, preferring to talk to Judy and Sarah.
As it started to get later Optimus, Ratchet, Maggie, Glen, Judy, and Sarah went inside. Sam and Mikaela stayed outside with Bumblebee and Barricade, watching as the sun set and then using the grill to cook a smuggled bag of marshmallows as they star gazed. They kept the conversation light hearted, all making sure to avoid the topic of Miles and the fight he and Barricade had had. If anything Barricade had expected Sam to be the one who brought it up, or the stupid Autobot who acted as his Guardian. So when Mikaela was the one who said something, he was surprised.
"Y'know, I just don't get you and Miles." Mikaela said, eating another marshmallow. "You two act like your fighting half the time and never have a problem. As far as I know there's only been two major fights between you." She paused, looking at Sam. "I was actually surprised you trusted him so readily."
"It wasn't like I trusted Barricade per say." Sam replied, glancing back at the 'con. "I trusted Miles. Like… Both Trent and Barricade seem like total afts at first, right? But Miles was friends with Barricade. He never became friends with Trent. So it was like… I figured something must be behind that, or else Miles wouldn't bother."
"Or he's just stupid." Barricade offered, leaning back in his chair.
Bumblebee snorted. "Oh please, you know you like him, 'con."
Mikaela cut Barricade off before he could protest. "You can go ahead and admit it. Miles will openly claim you as a friend. What's wrong with doing the same?"
"It implies that I am weak and need emotional bonds to sustain me." Barricade growled.
"Then you're weak and need emotional bonds to sustain you." Bee said, not intimidated by anything Barricade could or might try to do. "Means you fit perfectly here. All us 'bots are weak and need emotional bonds to sustain us!"
Barricade groaned, "Dear Primus, I'm doomed, aren't I?"
"You were doomed from the moment you let Miles know you were alive." Sam said, smirking at Barricade.
"I thought he might go running away." Barricade said dryly. "It appears that he has an unusual reaction to shock. I think he might be glitched.
Sam laughed, "Nope, he's just Miles!"
"Since I'm apparently so easy to read, I suppose I can say that the fleshling does have a certain amount of entertainment value despite being obnoxiously annoying." Barricade said, sighing.
"It can be easy to say things that hurt someone else when you're angry. He'll come around eventually." Mikaela said, offering a small bit of comfort to the 'con.
"If he comes back, that is!" Sam replied cheerfully, shrinking in his seat a bit as Mikaela glared at him. "What, I was just joking! Primus!"
Bumblebee chuckled, "Well, as far as we can tell not that many Decepticons are left on Earth."
"Only Starscream as far as I know. Beyond him I don't have a clue." Barricade said.
Sam waved a hand at them dismissively. "I'm sure everything will be fine. Megatron's still dead at the bottom of the sea so it's not like they're gonna face him."
Mikaela nodded. "If anything they'll be the ones to kill each other."
The Allspark shard retrieval group: Somewhere in Pennsylvania
They were lucky to have Prowl with them. Thanks to the Autobot's alt form they quickly got through any traffic that was blocking their way, and made great time to Pennsylvania. They reached the state early on the second day, having spent the first driving. The humans slept as the Autobots drove on. They only stopped for food and bathroom breaks. If they continued on like they were they'd arrive at Oklahoma early on the third morning, and have some time to relax. At one such stop at a small mini-mart Miles bought a small black hair dryer and black sunglasses.
Epps looked at him curiously, "What are those for?"
Miles just grinned, putting the shades on and holding the hair dryer like a cop would hold a radar gun at passing cars. He went back to Prowl and got inside the Autobot. Much to Epps' amusement he could hear the Autobot and the teen arguing over whether he could use it to spook people or not. After a half hour of listening to them Will decided to speak up.
"Maybe Barricade will let you use them while riding inside of him." The captain suggested from inside Ironhide.
For a moment there was only silence, but Miles finally spoke up. "I've been banned from anything cop related inside of him."
"What did you do?" Epps asked, relaxing in Sideswipe and not even bothering to pretend to drive as he played a game on his phone.
"He has a police radio, right? So he can listen to transmissions and such if he's bored. Basically he just likes to spy, but that's besides the point. He'll actually occasionally pose as an officer and give out helpful information. I asked if I could say ten-four. When he said no I asked if I could say roger, over and out, and anything else I could think of. He said I couldn't say anything." Miles explained.
Fig kept one hand on Sunstreaker's steering wheel, taking a sip of his coffee before saying anything. "And you actually listened?"
"Well…" Miles began, pausing as he thought over whether to tell them or not. "I kind of did. I started using morse code on his dashboard. He didn't catch on for awhile, and I had almost finished ten-four when he figured it out. He started to snap at me but I pointed out I didn't technically say anything. He pointed out that he was a living being and not a car by waiting until I had gotten out and then making me chase him for a mile before he let me back inside."
"Please do not do that to me, Miles Lancaster." Prowl said, leading the way with his sirens off as it was still dark out and there wasn't much traffic. He had to speak louder than usual to be heard over the laughter of Miles' fellow humans.
Miles patted Prowl's dashboard, "Don't worry, I don't think you could take it."
Sunstreaker, Ironhide, and Sideswipe all laughed. Epps snorted, and Will and Fig just rolled their eyes. Prowl wasn't sure whether he should be relieved or offended. He decided to go with relieved, seeing as he could already imagine Miles tripping his glitch and off lining the Autobot.
They all stayed silent for awhile, except for Sunstreaker and Fig, who were talking in Spanish to each other. Miles yawned, "So, where exactly is the Allspark shard? I mean what kind of government building is it going to be in?"
"Actually, the shard is not in a building." Prowl began, getting ready to explain more thoroughly, only to be interrupted by Ironhide.
"It's with the scientist, Wheeljack, and Trailbreaker, who works as a defensive strategist. He can make force fields." Ironhide said quickly before Prowl could continue. "They're in an area of the Appalachian mountains. That's if Wheeljack hasn't managed to blow himself, the forest, and the shard up first."
Prowl made a sound like clearing his throat to make sure no one else would cut him off. "Optimus did not trust the shard in any human facility."
"Cool." Miles said.
All was silent for a moment before Prowl spoke up. "I do not understand, are you chilly?"
Sideswipe nearly swerved into Sunstreaker, quickly going off the road as his twin yelled at him to watch the paint. His entire frame was shaking with laughter. Epps and Fig weren't much better off.
"You have a lot to learn, young grass hopper." Miles laughed, patting Prowl's dashboard.
Prowl made an annoyed sound, "I am older than you, and I am not an insect of this planet."
Ironhide was barely heard through the radio as he muttered to himself, "Dear Primus, he won't survive on this planet."
Will chuckled, "Look up the definition of 'cool' on the internet, Prowl. Many phrases humans use have more than one meaning. Might as well search for 'young grass hopper' while you're at it."
"Affirmative." was all Prowl said for the next few hours, searching the internet to prepare himself for any other strange human customs.
After that Ironhide suggested that the humans get to sleep. They would be arriving at their destination in a few hours, and it would be best to be rested. Will, Epps, Fig, and Miles decided to listen. They were all woken up by Ironhide cussing loudly in Cybertronian. Will was up the quickest, demanding to know what was wrong. Epps simply groaned and sat up in Sideswipe, and Fig muttered a few choice words in Spanish towards the rude awakening. Miles took the longest to get up, having trouble going from having a thirty minute period of time to wake up to a minute period of time to wake up.
"There's a Decepticon up ahead. We can't get a hold of Wheeljack or Trailbeaker." Prowl explained. "All of you get out and unload the weapons from Ironhide. We will go up ahead."
The humans quickly scrambled out of the Autobots and unloaded Ironhide. They watched as the Autobots transformed, going to aid their comrades. Will gave Epps and Fig their weapons, handing Miles a baseball bat.
Miles took the bat, glaring at the older man. "What am I supposed to do with this?"
"Sorry, we couldn't get you any flowers. Besides, Ironhide said there was only one Decepticon. Let the big boys take care of the hard stuff." Will said, gently ruffling Miles' hair.
Miles groaned, but nodded. He knew better than to put up a fight over it since Will was more experienced and actually knew how to handle the weapons they had brought. The four quickly followed the path that the Autobots had taken, coming to a wide clearing. Off to the side they saw what they figured was an offlined Wheeljack with Trailbreaker, who was slowly losing the energy to sustain his force field. In the middle of the clearing they could see Ironhide, Sunstreaker, and Sideswipe fighting a large Decepticon. They couldn't see Prowl anywhere. Slowly they moved closer until they could see the fight better.
"Oh Primus!" Miles exclaimed, holding his bat close to his chest. "I know I volunteered for this, but no one told me I'd be signing up for Japanese Tentacle Porn with giant alien robots!"