Since he accepted this work trip, he is not convinced at all, all his life he put his work first, but now he doesn't, he doesn't want to do it anymore.
Since the universe aligned and he can spend all his time away from the office with Donna he began to hate all his work trips and overtime at the office.
But now it's much worse. Every extra minute he spends away from them makes him feel miserable. For him, because he misses them a lot, but also for Donna, who is the one who is putting the body in this a year ago. Today their little love bun turns 3 months old and it's beautiful, but it's also being tough, especially for her.
They previously arranged that Donna will be the one to call, only so that the phone doesn't wake up the little girl when Donna finally manages to make her fall asleep.
They are having complications with "sleep situation", above all during the night. Mike and Rachel are parents of a 1-year-old boy (the godson of Donna and Harvey) and according to their own parents, there are very few times that they have spent a whole night without sleeping. But Donna and Harvey are going through practically all the nights almost without sleep, and although they are completely in love with that tiny human, fatigue wins them all the time and they just need to sleep.
Harvey is in a hotel, working on his computer at a desk in the room, with the sunset in the background in a large window, and feels a bit guilty for how well he had slept that night, but at the same time, he also feels energy he didn't remember having in his body.
Still, all he's thinking about is Donna finally calling him.
"Hey pretty, I'm already at the hotel. Please call me when you can. I miss you." He sends a message to her wife.
Donna is sitting on the couch, with her baby lay on her legs and looking at her. She holds her little hands and gently moves her legs so Avery would laugh, although she doesn't know if it's a laugh.
Babies as young as 3 months laugh?
They all say no, but for her, her daughter already laughs, and does it matter what others think? Clearly not, because she became one of those mothers completely fascinated with her daughter, and it is not that she is ashamed.
Donna is discovering that her daughter is much more attentive to what she does, that she follows her with her gaze everywhere, takes her fingers with her fists, and moves her small fingers over her breasts, face, or neck, and Donna is completely fascinated by seeing how every day Avery discovers something new. And she can't deny it, her daughter beginning to give clearer signs that she knows she's her mum, makes her melt of love.
Her phone screen turns on and she smiles when she sees that it's Harvey.
Donna places Avery on her chest made a small bun and with her other hand, turns on the laptop she has on the small table in front of her.
"Give me a minute to turn on the computer, so you can see her." She sends him a voice message.
"Can I see you as well?" He asks sweetly for a voice message too and Donna smirks like a complete idiot, she still can't believe that this man keeps making her feel this way.
"Yes, if you want to see me with dark circles that reach the ground, you can."
"I always want to see you."
Donna smiles again and feels Avery's little hand get between her breasts and looks at her with a smile.
"Are you hungry again?" Donna whispers and giggles sweetly. "Dad wants to see you first, at least say hello. Don't you think?"
Avery just follows her with her gaze, moving her fingers against one of her breasts and Donna gives her a kiss on the nose.
Donna starts the call for FaceTime while she sits her kid on her legs and with her back against her abdomen, Avery clings to her mom with her fists holding her index fingers, and moves uncomfortably. Donna knows she doesn't like to sit, but she's trying, in a few months she must learn to sit down and she will have to get used to it. Right?
"Hello..." Harvey says and Donna looks up with a smile.
"Hello, handsome." She tells him. "How are you?"
"Good, but it's weird to be without you two... Hello baby." He adds sweetly by moving his hand looking at his daughter and Avery moves her hand without letting go of her mom's finger. "Hey, kid... How are you?"
"Without letting mom sleep," Donna says. "But pretty as always."
"And you?"
"I'm fine, Harvey. Tired, but fine... You don't have to worry so much." Donna says, not very convinced.
"Donna, I slept all night straight and felt guilty, and I miss you."
"I hope you enjoy it for me! And we miss you too."
Avery begins to move and frowns her face, so Donna holds her in her hands until she curls her up in her chest.
"Well, that's all she endured sitting today." Donna giggles. "I tried."
"Okay, you look cute like this either way."
Donna smiles and feels Avery's hand again in the middle of her breasts.
"Are you alone there?" Donna asks.
"Yes."
"Okay, because it's the second time in 5 minutes that she has put her hand between my breasts."
"No one will come in here."
"Good," Donna responds, lowering the strap of her t-shirt.
"Did you really sleep something last night?"
"A few hours, but I'm fine, seriously. Stop worrying so much." Donna responds without looking at him, unbuttoning her maternity bra.
"I think I'm finding out that I'll spend my whole life worrying excessively about her. And also about you, but she's so little yet."
Donna smiles by accommodating Avery and helping her with her hand to start sucking.
"I think this little girl will keep us alert for our lifetime," Donna says watching her feeding and caresses her cheek with her thumb.
"We won't sleep for the next 18 years, and then we won't sleep because we'll miss her and we'll be worried because she won't be with us."
Donna looks up at the screen. "Can you not make me think about it now? I gave birth 3 months ago, she will be just ours for a long time yet."
"You're right..." Harvey sighs and remains silent looking at them for a few seconds. "Hey, look at what I bought for her," Harvey adds and gets up to look for the bags. The first thing he shows her is a rompers with cactus that says: hug me if you can and Donna begins to laugh.
"It has cactus..." She says tenderly.
"Yes, and this, strawberries." He responds, showing her another one.
"Harvey Specter, you surprise me all the time." She giggles again. "I hope she never knows what it means to us." She raises her eyebrow, looking at her husband.
Harvey laughs. "I don't even want to think about when..." And his face is transformed.
"She is 3 months old! Can you stop?" They giggle.
"Ok, ok... I have more. Look." Harvey shows her a rompers with small unicorns and another one with rainbows.
"Dad is going to fill you with gifts every time he has to travel, uh?" She says stroking Avery's head and Harvey laughs.
"Well, I've bought some pacifiers too..." He says by showing them to her. "You had said you wanted this brand, right?"
Donna smiles. "Yes, they were out of stock here."
"That's why I bought 3."
Donna chuckles. "Okay."
"And this elephant." He says by showing a stuffed toy to the camera. "This rattle... She can already start grabbing things, right?"
Donna nods with a smile. "Today she hasn't stopped grabbing my fingers."
"Good..." He smirks. "And I have also bought something for you... Don't think I've forgotten." Donna grins at him. "I stopped by the store where you used to buy your tea, and well, I've bought all the flavors."
Donna chuckles. "All?"
"All... There are many things you can't eat, so at least you'll have the tea you like."
"Thank you, Harvey." She smiles at him.
"I miss you, it's that... Anything makes me think of you."
Donna smiles again. "We miss you too." She sighs and removes her daughter from her breast, fits her clothes, and accommodates her baby making a bun on her chest. "And I need you..." Donna murmurs.
Harvey sighs heavily. "I tried to avoid this trip."
"I know, I'm not angry with you. Just that I'm still too sensitive and it's the first time I've spent so many hours alone with her, and it's overwhelming..."
"You're doing great, Donna."
"I tried… Thank you." She says looking at him and yawns.
"She's falling asleep, right?"
"It seems."
"Sleep with her."
"I'm afraid to fall asleep with her and that something bad happens... I know it's not rational, but it was harder to fall asleep knowing we're alone."
"Mhm... What do you think if you sleep with her with the camera on and I watch you while I work?"
"Really?"
"Of course... If you want to go to bed."
"I'd rather not move too much, she's already quite relaxed."
"Well, sleep there then."
Donna lays on the couch with Avery curled up on her chest, puts a small blanket over her daughter, and holds her with her hands, securing her over her. Her daughter's little hands hold her breasts on the sides.
Harvey begins to whisper a lullaby that he usually sings to his daughter and within a few minutes, Avery is completely asleep. She usually falls asleep fast during the day and during the night she cries for hours.
"Rest yourself too."
"You're the best, you know it. Right?"
"I do the best I can."
"It's always exactly what I need."
"I like to know it." Harvey pauses. "Rest, really. I'm here."
"I'll try."
"Tomorrow I'll take Avery for a while and let you sleep."
"Well, I don't know how much I'm excited to get rid of her." She responds with guilt.
Harvey giggles sweetly. "It's hard, especially if you're so far away… but, I promise you that it's worth it for a rest without interruption. It's something we can perhaps do, at least until she sleeps a little better, which I hope will be soon."
"I hope so too." She whispers with her eyes already closed.
"I'll turn off my microphone so you don't hear me, but I'll leave yours on. Ok? If she wakes up, I will let you know."
"Thank you, Harvey." She smiles with her eyes closed. "We love you very much, do you know?"
Harvey smiles like a fool. "And I love you, and I can't stand being able to curl up there with you anymore."
"Enjoy your huge bed and your hours of uninterrupted sleep or I will kill you!" She responds by opening her eyes. "You know my hormones still drive me crazy and I could do it."
Harvey laughs. "Come on, rest."
Donna nods and closes her eyes again. Harvey mutes his microphone and makes smaller the call window on the side of the screen while opening the document he is working on, on the other side of the screen and is determined to write that document, but he cannot stop looking at them. He does it every 3 words, without exaggeration.
Two and a half hours go by, and Harvey is glad that the little girl is still sleeping, he knows that Donna needs it.
Avery manages to hold on for half an hour longer and Harvey is surprised, begging for this to happen more often. Especially during the night.
After 3 hours, Harvey finished his work a while ago and is just sitting looking at them on the screen, watching the sleep of his girls.
He sees his daughter's fist closing tightly and knows the spell is over. Avery moves on her mother, which makes Donna react that without opening her eyes, she secures her against her body, trying to keep her calm for a few more minutes. Donna caresses her back in circles with her fingers, as she learned she enjoys and Avery turns her head toward the screen, with her eyes half open and Harvey smiles at her, although he is sure she isn't looking at him.
At that moment, Donna remembers the call and also turns her head to him, yawning.
Harvey reactivates his microphone and whispers, "You slept 3 hours, you may be surprised right now."
Donna giggles softly. "And you were there all this time?"
"Yes."
"But…"
"But what? I've spent more time just looking at you."
"But you can go for a walk, see Alex, Louis, Samantha..."
"They are not more important than you."
Donna smiles and feels that this man could kill her of love right there. "Do me a little favor: Don't make me cry when you're not here to hug me."
Harvey chuckles. "Ok... But it's the truth. In fact, in this time, I have managed to advance my passage a couple of hours to tomorrow."
"No need..."
"Yes, because I want to be with you, and after lunch, I don't have anything to do here."
"Ok... I won't refuse to let you arrive sooner." She responds. "I think I'll feed her again, and then we'll get into the tub."
"Now I'm more looking forward to being there with you."
"We can do it again tomorrow."
"Please." He smiles at her. "I must leave and I don't want to."
"Go Harvey, you've already done a lot. Thank you."
"Donna, you don't have to thank me. We are a team, do you remember?"
Donna smiles. "I know." She pauses. "But, I feel like I couldn't do it without you."
"Yes, you could, because you are Donna." Donna chuckles. "But you shouldn't think about it, because I will always be here."
"Well, stop right there. I told you not to make me cry."
Harvey giggles. "I must leave, actually Louis did invite me to dinner with the guys, and I'm running late."
"Go and greet them on our behalf."
"I'll write to you when I come back and call you if you're awake. Okay?"
"Okay." She smiles at him.
"Please, send me photos of her on the tub."
"I'll do it."
The next afternoon, Harvey opens the door to his condo and all he hears is silence, smiles at peace, and carefully he leaves his bag to one side, the keys and the phone silenced at a small table, then he takes off the coat and shoes.
He looks first in Avery's room, but it's empty, so he safely heads to his room, the door is open, and smiles when he sees them there, sleeping the same as the previous day. Avery made a small bun on her mother, her daughter's head on Donna's breasts, and her little feet falling on her stomach. He still cannot believe that such a little thing is his daughter, sometimes he stops to think of the fact that they have literally created her and it seems crazy.
Never in his life had he imagined being a father, not even married, not even with a real relationship. But every day he is grateful that life has surprised him in this way.
He doesn't want to waste any more time, takes off the shirt and trousers to wear sweatpants and t-shirt more comfortable and stealthily, he lays next to them on his side, looking at them, his hand rests on Donna's, which rests on his daughter's back. Feeling Harvey's hand, Donna is startled and wakes up.
"Relax... it's me, I'm sorry." He whispers to her with a little guilt.
"Harvey." She smiles asleep and her eyes almost closed.
"Hello..." He gives her a tender kiss on the forehead. "You can keep sleeping, I'm staying here with you."
"Please." She responds, turning her head toward her husband.
Harvey passes his free arm above her head and lets his fingers rub her neck on the other side, almost imperceptibly, but making her feel that he is here.
"I only slept one hour at night," Donna mutters.
"You can sleep now…" Harvey responds by whispering.
Donna nods and quickly falls asleep again and Harvey must control his desire to grab his daughter and fill her with kisses. Anyway, he is happy to be close to them and watch them so quiet.
Although he denied it for a long time, Harvey loved Donna from the very first moment, for more than a decade in silence, for a few months as his girlfriend, and for almost a year as his wife… But, from the moment they have known of her pregnancy, that every day that passes his heart extends an inch more into his chest of love for that woman.
He didn't know much about pregnancies, he had seen a little bit in Rachel, but he realized he actually hadn't seen anything.
Everything Donna does seems incredible to him, as from the first moment she decided to give her body to her daughter and that heartbeat they heard in the ultrasound became her absolute priority.
After a while, Avery begins to move and squeeze her fists, just as she does when she is about to wake up and Harvey decides to take her in his arms as carefully as he can and once he has her in his arms, he gets up from the bed to get out of the room with his daughter and lets his wife continue to sleep.
Upon leaving the room, she begins to whine and Harvey hurries away from the room.
"Hello, baby... I missed you." Harvey whispers. "You're not going to welcome me crying, are you?"
But the baby doesn't seem to hear him and the crying increases in intensity, so he decides to rush the step to the kid's room and closes the door, trying to prevent Donna from listening to her. Harvey checks her diaper and quickly discovers why she is crying, so he proceeds to change it, a situation that Avery hates and always makes sure her parents know it. Harvey tries to do it quickly, although he believes that even when the girl no longer wears diapers he will not have enough practice in this. Donna seems to do it in such a natural way that sometimes he gets frustrated, in fact, his wife has offered to do it more than once, but he insists that he wants to do it, although deeply he knows that he will never feel sure doing it.
Being with his daughter became his number 1 priority, but often he is afraid of hurting her or doing something wrong, and he cannot believe how a 12-pound human can make him feel so defenseless, but at the same time so important.
He ends up with the diaper and sits in the rocking chair where Donna usually breastfeeds her daughter and sets her against his chest and begins to gently move in the chair. Avery still cries although the intensity has decreased since he finished with the diaper.
"Shhh, Avery…" He whispers and rubs her back. "That dad missed you a lot and needs to fill you with kisses." He tells her and kisses her little head. Harvey feels her daughter's little hand on his neck, stretching her fingers there, and smiles. "You also missed me?" He asks. "I want to believe so." He giggles gently. "Sorry I had to leave." He sighs. "I promise to do it only when it's impossible to cancel, because even if you don't let me sleep…" He chuckles softly against her head. "I want to be with you all the time." Harvey lays her on his legs and takes his daughter's feet in one hand, keeping her kneels gently flexed. "Yes, like this... Very well, you just have to stop crying and breathe easy, the rest I can take care of. What do you think? It's not difficult, right?" Harvey asks with a smile and sees that his daughter is already a little calmer. "We're going to have to do something with this diaper situation because I'm afraid we'll still have to change a lot of you." She shrugs and Avery stretches her little hand toward him, he takes her between his fingers and she clings her hand to his index finger, Harvey smirks at her. "That means that you missed me?" Harvey smiles again and she presses his finger harder. "I'll take that as a yes."
Harvey spends a few minutes as he continues to do a monologue with his daughter and when he makes sure she is finally calm, takes his baby in his arms and walks out to the balcony with her, the day is nice, and sits on one of the chairs there, with her daughter in his arms, Avery sits in his arms and Harvey offers his finger, which she grabs immediately.
Harvey smiles because he is also afraid that he still cannot be important enough to her. He understands that inevitably the relationship with Donna will be deeper now, but he wants her to know that he is her dad, he is desperate for love for his daughter.
After a while there, he feels Donna's hand on his back and turns his head with a smile.
"Hello, pretty." He says.
"Hello..." He smiles at him. "Did she wake up a long time ago?"
"I don't know what time it is, but we have changed the diaper, we were in her room for a while and another time here..."
Donna moves a chair next to Harvey and sits there, drops her head on her husband's shoulder, and takes her daughter's foot in her hand.
"And you? How are you?" Harvey asks and kisses her forehead.
"Tired, but I think I managed to get quite a lot of sleep. And happy that you're here again."
"I'm happy for that too." He responds and passes his arm behind his wife, hugging her. "You know… I never thought this would happen, but I've talked more about kids than about business." Donna laughs tenderly. "And Alex has told me that his daughter was like her at night… I cried the usual during the day, but at night every time they let her sleep, she started crying."
"Yeah, it sounds like her."
"Well, but the good news is that it's just a phase, he says that from the age of 6 months she started to sleep more and only woke up 2 times a night."
"So… if we take this statistic, we are in halfway."
"Well, maybe is not good news and it is a bit scary." He giggles and spreads laughter to Donna, who gets closer to her husband and closes her eyes sighing, still with her head on his shoulder. Harvey hugs her tighter and she smiles, opening her eyes and posing them on her daughter. They spend several minutes there as the sun begins to go down, just looking at her, something they realize, they will never get bored.
Donna sighs and raises her head. "Have you given her the bottle?"
"No, he has shown no sign of wanting to."
"I think it's time…"
"Ok..." He says and gives Avery in her arms. "You want to have her because you already miss her and you're using the excuse to see if she's hungry, right?"
Donna giggles with embarrassment. "Maybe..." She says by placing her daughter in her arms, who immediately put her hand on her breast. "But, apparently I was right." She smiles triumphantly and Harvey laughs.
"I'm not surprised you can read her."
Donna giggles softly. "We'll go inside, I'm cold to taking off my clothes here."
Within a few minutes, Donna is sitting on the couch, nursing her daughter while Harvey makes something to eat, one of the new tea to Donna, a coffee for him and puts some bread in the toaster.
Harvey leaves the stuff at the small table and sits next to Donna, he still can't explain the love he feels every time he sees Donna feeding her daughter.
"I made you one of the teas I bought from you."
Donna turns her head to smile at him. "Thank you, Harvey."
Avery rests her hand on her mother's chest and Donna smiles at her, although she actually feels that her back hurts like hell and she is having a hard time holding her.
Harvey reads it in her gaze and without telling her anything, he goes to find the pillow to breastfeed and reaches for her.
"Thank you..." Donna says and Harvey helps her put it under her daughter.
"I can give you some massages later." He says and kisses his wife's shoulder.
Avery falls asleep after she finishes eating and while her parents take their snack. Harvey takes her into his arms and leaves her in her baby carriage, begging her to stay for a while in peace.
Donna gets up to go to the bathroom, and Harvey gets up quickly and takes her by the wrist, stopping her, brings her closer to his body, and grabs her by the cheeks to kiss her sweetly. Donna smiles as soon as she realizes what he is doing and supports her hands on his waist, nearing him to her.
"I hadn't greeted you correctly yet and I missed you," Harvey murmurs, Donna smiles and he kisses her again, she separates a little from him and hugs him, he does the same and caresses her back with his hands.
"I thought you had forgotten to say hello." She says, ashamed.
"What?" Harvey asks confused and caresses her cheek with his nose, Donna shrugs but doesn't answer. "Hey…" Harvey says and separates a little from her, just to be able to look at her, but still, holding her against him. "What's it?" He asks when sees his wife's eyes are full of tears.
"Last night I really thought I wasn't going to be able anymore, and less by being alone with her. I really only slept for an hour and I didn't know what to do… It's nice what you just told me about reading her, but most of the time I don't know what she needs or how to help her, and sometimes that drives me crazy." She responds with a broken voice. "And I came to think you might not want to go back because you would be much quieter than me... And that I can't even be the woman you fell in love with years ago… I don't know, my head didn't stop spinning."
"Donna, you still are the woman I fell in love with, the one I still love, the only woman I fell in love with and take for granted, the only woman I could have had a baby with." He responds in a soft voice, looking into her eyes. "The one thing I thought about the whole time I was there, is that I wanted to come back here and be with you... I wouldn't rather be anywhere else, never." He responds and poses his forehead against hers. "Never, okay?" She nods and drops a tear. "If I'm honest, sometimes I miss when we were alone and we were just a couple and I didn't have to share with her." Donna giggles softly. "But, I know that over time we will be able to regain some space just for us because of course I miss being alone with you." He says and climbs up her face rubbing her with his lips and kisses her forehead. "But Donna, the only way Avery has changed what I feel for you is that every day I am more in love with you… being able to see you like my daughter's mum makes me happy in a way I never thought it could be, and all I want, the only thing that matters to me is this family that we are forming… Donna, I don't want to be anywhere else in the world that is not with both of you."
Donna nods crying and feels so vulnerable that she needs to hide, so she hugs him again, hiding her face in his neck. Harvey clings her gently to him and lets her cry in his arms for a few seconds.
"Sorry, can I blame the hormones again?" She giggles with shame.
"You can do whatever you want, except ask me forgiveness for telling me how you feel."
"I love you, Harvey. And it also makes me very happy and makes me love you in a way that I never believed to see you as our daughter's dad."
"I love you, Donna, you have no idea how much." He responds and separates from her to grab her by her cheeks again. "As I said, I don't want to be anywhere else in the world… and also, I want to kiss you whenever I can." He whispers and kisses her more passionately, something that to be honest, in these months they have not done too often and Donna feels that her body recalibrates as he kisses her.
"I miss you, and I don't mean these days... I miss you, really." She says distressed.
"I'm here." He whispers.
"You know what I mean."
He smiles at her. "I know." He responds. "Someday we won't fall asleep when she sleeps, I promise." Donna laughs. "Come here, I plan to kiss you for the next 10 minutes, I think that's all that she can stand there."
Donna smirks. "Can I take 30 seconds? I really need to go to the bathroom."
Harvey chuckles. "Come." He puts his hands on her waist and makes her walk back toward the bathroom while kisses her. Donna laughs in the way and holds on to his shoulders. "I don't plan to miss a second." Donna smiles at him and this time she kisses him.
They clumsily reach the bathroom and Harvey waits on the other side of the door, as soon as Donna comes out, he corners her against the wall and then he kisses her as if again they were only them two, and Donna feels she could cry. Sometimes she fears not to feel like as a woman again, or even a normal person, never again, so she clings with all her strength to his husband and just wants him to keep kissing her.
"Are you crying?" Harvey asks against his lips.
Donna chuckles. "Yeah, but it's nothing wrong, please keep kissing me."
"So… my kisses make you cry?"
Donna giggles. "Shut up, kiss me."
Harvey chuckles and his lips are back against her, Donna raises her hands behind his back and only brings him closer to her.
"Seriously, are you okay?"
"Yes, it's just… I really miss you and that we're doing this, it makes me feel… like your wife again."
"You're my wife, Donna."
"I know… It's just that sometimes the whole maternity situation makes me forget that I'm still a woman."
"I really think I will never be able to finish dimensioning all the changes you have gone through in this last year… but, I promise you that I will be here for all those who are missing, until the day you feel like you once again… or as close as you can feel, and every day after that." Donna smiles tenderly and can only kiss him again.
"Seriously, having you with me makes me feel safer, even though many times I don't understand anything and just want to cry."
"I'll always be here," Harvey responds by lowering his hands down the sides of her body until her waist. "And when you think we can leave Avery with her godparents for a couple of hours, you just need to let me know... I mean, we did the same for them."
Donna laughs and shakes her head. "I promise."
"Good." He responds with a smile. "Come here. I think we still have 3 minutes left." They chuckle and immediately kiss again as if there was nothing else in the world, although it does exist, it is that little love bun that makes her presence felt as soon as she crying again a few minutes later.
A/N: Hello! I had this idea in my mind, especially the first part, so long ago and finally I wrote it! :) I know that not everyone enjoys babyfics, but in my mind, both headcanon coexist, in which they are parents and in which they don't haha
As always, I'm sorry for my mistakes in English (I'll never stop saying it, I think)
If you've read it, I'd love to hear what you think! :)