Author's Note: I deviated slightly from canon in this chapter. In the episode, River does not tell Simon the captain knows about Jayne's betrayal on Ariel. But since she's, y'know, psychic, I think it's likely she'd be aware of that. So I hope you'll indulge me my little literary license.

REMEMBER– words and phrases in nonbold italics are what each man wrote and then crossed out. To read the story in its proper form, though, you should hop over to ArchiveOfOurOwn (same story title, author name is Ella_Greggs).

POSTMARKED: "Trash"

Dear Dad,

Betrayal is a very hard thing to cope with. Everything you thought you knew, everything you relied on, is suddenly turned upside down.

Remember I told you the mercenary "saved" us at the hospital on Ariel? It turns out he first tried to turn us in to the authorities for the reward money. He double-crossed us. But the Alliance double-crossed him and that's why he fought to get away. Taking us with him was just ancillary. I guess I shouldn't feel as surprised as I do. He's a brute and I know he hates me and River. I just thought we'd come to an understanding. River found him out, she read his mind, sensed his guilt and fear of discovery. Having a psychic sister comes in handy when one's very survival is on the line.

I debated telling the captain, but River said he already knows. That means a double betrayal, since obviously the captain also kept this from us. I guess I understand why, sort of. He's got to hold the crew together and he needs this mercenary, who is an excellent fighter and also a weapons expert. The captain needs me, too, since good luck to him finding another competent surgeon in this ass-end far end of the galaxy. Still, I dread if the day should come when he has to choose between us. On balance, I know River and I are more trouble than the mercenary. True, he challenges the captain's authority sometimes, but the captain has to turn down lots of work (legitimate or otherwise) to keep out of the way of the authorities on account of us. However, it seems to be a responsibility he's taken on willingly, and I can't imagine we'd be in a better situation elsewhere. As the mercenary clearly shows, most other criminals would leap at the chance to get the bounty. I guess I have no choice but to continue trusting the captain, even though I'm not happy he withheld the truth from us. Talking to him about it wouldn't change our relationship or our situation, and it would probably only anger him (he doesn't take kindly to being challenged), which I can't afford to do.

The mercenary was another story, though. River and I did confront him. He'd hurt his spine on a "job" (code for "crime," remember) so I had him in the infirmary. I think I'd have spoken to him anyway, regardless of where we were on the ship, but here I had the home turf advantage and could give him a tangible reminder that he needs me, needs me to patch him up if he gets hurt or shot or stabbed. I told him we knew what he did on Ariel, and there was no way he could deny it.

I don't know if you'll think I am being mature or foolish, but I told him I'd decided to trust him, that we didn't have to like each other to be on the same crew. That I would never hurt him, no matter how crude or rude or hostile he got towards me and River. Honestly, Dad, I'm so consumed with taking care of her, with worrying about her, worrying about the bounty on our heads and the many external enemies this crew seems to have, the many dangerous situations they get into, I just don't have the energy to sleep with one eye open for betrayal from this man. The protection the rest of the crew provides us is going to have to be enough. Plus my Hippocratic Oath. I'm still haunted by that gun battle, by the knowledge that I might have hurt or even killed someone. If I can't at least be a healer for my crewmates, then all I am is River's brother. While that means everything to me, being a doctor means almost as much. So what this mercenary did is not forgotten, let alone forgiven. But I've put my anger aside. It's a luxury I can't afford.

Well, I did get back at the mercenary a little. I'm only human, after all. He'd hurt his spine in the accident, you see, so to keep him from wrenching it I administered a neuromuscular blocking agent while he was unconscious. This rendered him immobile when he woke up. Not for long, just 30 minutes or so. Long enough for our little chat. Long enough to drive home the point that he's in a dangerous line of work and it behooves him not to anger his doctor. Plus, I confess it was gratifying to see his fear and confusion upon waking up, realizing he couldn't move. That split second of terror before I told him that no, he wasn't permanently paralyzed. A bit of revenge on my part, but minor justice compared with trying to sell us out on Ariel.

River scared him, too. She told him in all sincerity that if he tried to betray us again, "I can kill you with my brain." I almost laughed when I heard her say that. There's absolutely no evidence she can compel anyone through telepathy to do anything, but this man is not very bright and I'll bet he believed her. It says a lot about our relationship with this man, but the more he fears me and River, the better. Him actually liking us, as most of the rest of the crew does, would be far better, of course, but fear will have to do.

As usual, River and I stayed out of the way on this "job," although Kaylee was involved. She had to stand on the hull of the ship while it hovered a dozen miles above ground and do some mechanical something or other. She's very brave, Dad. I can add that to the list of things I admire about her.

All my love,

Simon

Dear Simon,

To hear you speak of these "jobs," of having enemies, and speak so freely of people being shot or stabbed, I won't lie – it's hard to hear of such perils, being so far away and powerless to help you.

I know you're not trying to distress me, that I pressed you to tell me everything that happens to you, but how can I help but be consumed with worry and anger when I read that one of your crewmates tried to betray you. In honesty, though, I'm not that surprised. The reward for your capture is so high and this mercenary sounds like he has no scruples at all. You have to handle the situation in whatever manner you think is best, and I understand you might not be able to confront the captain about it, but I don't see how you can trust the mercenary after this. Please be on your guard, son.

It was truly alarming to hear you tricked the mercenary into thinking (however briefly) that he was paralyzed and that River seriously threaten someone with, "I can kill you with my brain." I can't imagine my sweet children threatening anyone or taking pleasure in their fear! It's even more alarming that you felt the need to assure me River couldn't in fact accomplish such a feat. I'm still trying to come to grips with the idea that she has psychic abilities. It breaks my heart to think how you both must have changed since we saw you last!

I think about trust and betrayal all the time; such thoughts have been ever-present for months. They say trust is something people earn, but now I think the opposite is true. Oftentimes we trust blindly, put our faith in the wrong people. I trusted the Parliament all my life to provide us with a just, prosperous society. I trusted those butchers at the Academy to look after my daughter, believed their promises over the word of my own son! I never questioned anything, never thought of the have-nots, people like the ones who bring your letters. You speak of being haunted by things you've done, but you're just trying to survive. I have no such excuse. You speak of letting go of anger. That's still something I cannot, will likely never be able to do – both towards the people who did this to our family and towards myself.

Like you, I am forced to rely on criminals, namely the ones who bring me your letters. I've been wondering why Badger and his henchmen these criminals don't just turn us in, but after hearing your story, I think it must be because they are simply savvy enough to know the authorities wouldn't actually pay out the bounty if they do, just like the authorities cheated your mercenary. I, at least, am a sure and steady source of ongoing profit, the cash cow in our little pas de trois.

Your mother now collects your letters. I was very reluctant to let her do this, but we had no choice. I spotted another person following me to the underground boxing matches. So we had to work out a new arrangement for the exchange with Badger. What a repluslive little man! But he's clever, I have to give him that. He determined the best place to make the handoff was somewhere that your mother regularly goes to anyway. Since for her that's the Nine Muses bookstore (you know how she loves her poetry), Badger has her going there every couple of weeks. The store clerk "recommends" she buy a book – not every time she visits, only sometimes – and your letter is inside the book. I can't tell you how desolate we are on those occasions when she comes home empty handed. She's managing her new role beautifully. She had a special silver locket made to hold small captures of you and River and wears it close to her heart every time she goes to the "post office." She calls it her "letter locket."

We decided not to hire Galina or anyone else. One less risk that your letters might be discovered in our home. Plus, Badger raised the price of "postage" after we had to switch the handoff, so we can't really afford to pay someone a decent wage. But I don't think he'll raise it any further. Like I said, he's sharp – sharp enough to realize this is the uppermost limit of what we can give him. So now your mother and I do our own "chores," just like you. I must say, the novelty has already worn off.

Please tell me something hopeful in your next letter! I know I shouldn't ask that of you, put that burden on you, but I can't help it. Your situation sounds so precarious and ours is, too. I need some sign that eventually this nightmare will end and all will be well!

Love,

Dad (and Mom)