REMEMBER – words and phrases in nonbold italics are what each man wrote and then crossed out. To read the story in its proper form, though, you should hop over to ArchiveOfOurOwn (same story title, author name is Ella_Greggs).

POSTMARKED: "The Message"

Dear Dad,

I'm sorry if my last letter distressed you. I know our situation is almost as hard on you and Mom as it is on us. You'll be pleased to hear the mercenary hasn't bothered me or River since our little tête-à-tête.

River is now sufficiently stable that I can leave her in the care of others without worrying too much. That's a far cry from the initial months after we first escaped, when I couldn't let her out of my sight, either on or off the ship, for fear she'd hurt herself. But I don't want to oversell her recovery. It's still slow going.

Kaylee and I went on a sort-of date a couple days ago. We were on a commerce station and one of the crew, the white-haired man I told you about, he accompanied River while Kaylee and I walked around by ourselves. We saw a mutated cow fetus passed off as alien life. It was a pretty stupid carnival trick, but I didn't care. We were alone in a darkened booth viewing the display and Kaylee looked so pretty in her flower print dress. I was a little tongue tied and clumsy with my words, but still managed to stumble through complementing her on being a genius mechanic and always seeing the bright side of things. I really wanted to kiss her, and I think she wanted me to. But like a stupid idiot I couldn't keep my big mouth shut and ended up saying the wrong thing. Again! I told her that, given our circumstances, really she was the only eligible girl around. That immediately threw a bucket of cold water on our date. She said angrily that it must be hard for me, scraping the bottom of the barrel in space instead of having my pick of fancy girls on Osiris. So basically proof positive, as if I needed any more, that I am terrible at talking to girls. I like her so much more than any girl I ever met on Osiris, and I don't know why I can't just tell her that. She was really mad at me, Dad. River called me a boob for upsetting her. Later, Kaylee called me a robot (meaning I had no emotions), and I was sure she'd given me all the chances she was going to.

But then something happened that actually brought us closer together. I can't tell you too much about the circumstances, but we took on board this young man named "T", about my age, an acquaintance of the captain, who turned out to be smuggling organs. Inside his body, in fact, which is medically very dangerous. Just when I thought we'd seen all kinds of crime, here was yet another variation. The captain didn't know anything about it at first, but we learned fast when some very unsavory people came looking for "T". "T" said he was smuggling the organs to get money for his family, and Kaylee seemed to admire him for that. But I don't think he was telling the truth; I think he was just motivated by personal greed. Maybe that sounds jaded, but I've met too many venal people out here. For all her sweetness, Kaylee is kind of naïve. She's too trusting.

And "T" manipulated her trust. He flirted with her, got her to drop her guard, and then held her at gunpoint when the captain decided he had to give "T" up to the people who were pursuing him, because otherwise they would have destroyed the ship. "T" shot our pilot and injured him, so I've no doubt he would have hurt Kaylee, too. In the end, the captain had to kill "T" to save her. We took his body home to his family. It was a sad and pathetic end to someone who, under different circumstances, might have been just a normal guy, living a normal, maybe even happy life.

Anyway, the experience brought Kaylee and me closer together, like I said. As we stood there, watching "T's" folks cry over his body, Kaylee took my hand. I guess it's natural when confronted with death to want to reach out to the living for comfort, but I was touched and flattered I was the person she chose. It meant she forgave me.

But now I keep thinking about "T" and the captain. Or rather "T" and the captain versus me and the captain. Those two were sort-of friends in the past. And yet, in the end, the captain didn't protect him. Well, he didn't have much choice, the people hunting "T" were ready to blast the ship out of the sky and us along with it if the captain didn't give "T" up. But the captain's behavior was such a contrast to how he's protected River and me, even when we've been threatened by the authorities or other criminals, and it would have benefitted the captain to just let them have us. True, it speaks to his hatred of the Alliance, but there must be something more in his motivation, I just don't know what. If he simply wanted a medic around, he could hire someone, just like he's hired the pilot and the mercenary. Our captain is not an easy person to get along with, and I clash with him frequently sometimes over River's behavior, but, as I've said many times in the past, I'm very grateful to him for letting us stay.

"T" and I – we had more in common than I'm comfortable with. River and I got on this ship running from trouble and brought that trouble with us, just like "T". We were desperate. But then again, so was "T". I never told you this, but when River and I first escaped, a lawman tracked us to the ship and shot Kaylee in the abdomen while trying to capture us. Then an Alliance cruiser was closing in and I did just what "T" did – I backed the captain into a corner. I threatened not to treat Kaylee unless the captain took us with him and ran. She'd almost certainly have died if the captain hadn't complied with my demand. I didn't know any of the crew at that point so didn't have the emotional connection I do now, of course, and I was practically wild with fear for River's safety, but I'm ashamed to say I meant it when I said it. Or at least, I think I did. Everything happened very fast. In fact, Kaylee should hate me, shouldn't she, for even threatening to let her die? It's just more proof she's a special person. But what kind of person am I? Well, I'm honestly not sure sometimes….

The captain told "T" as "T" lay dying that he wouldn't have shot him if "T" hadn't shot first at the pilot and then threatened Kaylee. The captain said "T" had "murdered himself" by his choices, but the captain had just "carried the bullet for a while." It's a chilling way of looking at the 'verse, don't you think? The idea that death is stalking us. Do you suppose I "murdered myself" when I rescued River, and someone out there is carrying a bullet for me?

I'm sorry this letter turned so brooding and moody, especially when you asked to hear something hopeful. It's just been an emotional day. Thanks for listening.

Love,

Simon

Dear Simon,

There is no need to apologize, as you did in your last letter, for being "brooding and moody." Don't be too hard on yourself, Simon. From all you've told me of your travails on the Rim, the constant danger and uncertainty you face, I think you are coping remarkably well.

We were encouraged to hear River's recovery is progressing, however slowly, and you and Kaylee are drawing closer together. We definitely want to meet her when this is all over. She sounds very special.

You are special, too, son. That's not just the obligatory compliment of a doting father. I can't say you are nothing like this "T" you described in your latest letter. I don't know him or his circumstances. But I know you. So much better now, in fact, than I ever did before you fled. Remember I told you the police showed us the video of you at that hospital on Ariel? I watched you as you wheeled your sister through the recovery room, Simon. You were rushing to get to that neuroimaging scanner and then get out safely, but you stopped to save a man going into cardiac arrest. A risky move that brought attention to yourself and could have led easily to unwanted questions, discovery, and capture. But you did it anyway, because you are a healer and a good man. You may doubt yourself, but I refuse to believe the man I saw on that video would have actually let Kaylee die. Don't be so hard on yourself, Simon. From all you've told me of your life on the Rim, the content danger and uncertainty you face, I think you are coping remarkably well.

This captain of yours seems like an interesting man, one who has to make a lot of hard choices. That can't be easy. Regardless of why he's sheltering you and River, I share your gratitude that he is. Someday I'd like to meet him, look him in the eye and shake his hand.

There is little to report on our side. Your mother is working diligently (yet again) on our rehabilitation among Capital City's elites. Not because she misses their shallow company. Far from it. But she reasons we ought to get as many powerful people as possible to think well of us, they might someday somehow be of use. I'd be perfectly content to spend my time exclusively with her or Clive. We have to beg off many events to save money for "postage," but honestly, I don't have the patience for that empty society feihua anymore. You'd be amazed to see her, so skillfully pretending to crave the company of people she can barely stand. Perhaps your mother should have been a diplomat? Or a politician? Reintegrating into the circle of our fair-weather friends is proving to be not quite as hard this time around. You and River are yesterday's news, and the world has moved on from the Tam Scandal to other, fresher dramas.

Our love to you and River. You are ever in our thoughts.

Dad (and Mom)