Despite it all, TJ wouldn't say it was a sexual thing. His therapist might say so, if he ever told him about his habit, but it wasn't. From beginning to end, the pain and blood by itself was more than enough. Maybe when he was younger he did a little exploring, but now? No use for it, none at all.

It wasn't even indicative of him having any unusual sexual interests. Granted he didn't have normal sexual interests, but he didn't have ANY at all. It wasn't an issue for him but it was an issue for the entire boys locker room when they talked about their girlfriends or who ever it was they were interested in, and he stayed quiet, as per usual.

God, they didn't pay him any attention any other time, why'd they have to then?

But he kept ignoring them, refusing to answer their questions, letting the rumors spread and die out on their own without his input.

ZZZ

As it turned out, if you were careful enough and knew what you were doing, you could have a lot of fun with your neck, as TJ learned. Avoiding the jugular was clearly a concern, but once you knew exactly where they were, it was easy enough to avoid it and the other major veins. With that knowledge in hand, he grabbed a box of pins, and holed himself in his room.

Four. Four was the magic number of needles that he was able to pierce through the skin on front of his neck. With every pulse he felt them move ever so slightly, but still staying in place. And hey, he was still alive, so he must've did it right. It was a lot easier than he thought it would be.

So he leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes and basking in the slight stinging sensation spreading out from his neck.

There were a bunch of things worse than this. It wasn't like he was choking himself with a belt. Or doing meth. He had control of this.

Once he had enough and the stinging stopped, he slowly pulled the pins out, and beads of blood came out of the tiny holes they left behind, pouring down his neck. Still, no major vein was pierced, and he was still very alive. Hell, the thrill of it made him feel more alive than he had in a while.

ZZZ

It wasn't like he was anti-social or anything, like those comments other students made when they thought he couldn't hear. Asocial would be a better word, in his opinion. He didn't care one way or another about whatever was happening socially at high school, whether it involved some rumor about him and his presumed sexuality.

Those rumors didn't seem to have any effect on how much attention he received from the female population, though he didn't know if he should consider that to be a good thing or a bad thing. He supposed he should be flattered, but it rarely left him anytime alone at lunch to be alone with his thoughts, plus he had to be extra careful about them not spotting his wounds. Guys might not have an eye for spotting that makeup is being worn, but girls sure as hell did.

Maybe he should be thankful. It made him at least appear normal to anyone looking, even though he didn't care for it. Even if they thought of him as a sort of challenge. It was well known that he never went out with any of the girls at school, let alone show any interest. He understood why, on a hormone driven teenager level, but the sooner they'd give up, the better.

At least it looked like he had friends.

ZZZ

378-3892: Alias? I'm worried about a friend

: over what

378-3892: Im worried that someone is hurting him but he wont talk to us

378-3892: we havent really talked in years

: then talk to him now? or tell an adult or whatever

378-3892: but he might still be mad at us

: you wont know unless you try