AN: Alright, sorry for the hold up, guys! Thanks for being patient, and for those of you who responded to my Author's note/chapter, thanks for understanding.
I'm not going to go through reviews like I usually do because it's late and I want to upload this quickly then head for bed. I'll try to do another chapter this weekend, and reply to a few reviews in it as well IF I can. So thank you to all of you who took the time to review, and even everyone who reads this!
The official Chapter 22
NEST fanfiction, oh Primus no!
It was late at night and Miles was making his way back from the Autobot recharge rooms to the barracks were he, Sam, and the NEST soldiers slept.
They had had the meeting about family earlier that morning, and most of the humans had gone off to relax after it. They had Monday off of school for whatever reason, and so would be staying Sunday night and most of Monday. Miles had personally been nabbed by Barricade, and Prowl had come along, muttering something about needing to understand the life of his charge even if it was enough to make him glitch. It had turned went from his parents, or creators as the Cybertronians would deem them, to Prowl's and Barricade's.
Both Prowl and Miles were a bit shocked to learn that Barricade himself was almost as young as Bumblebee. The human equivalent would put him around mid to early twenties, while the yellow Autobot scout would be around the same age as Miles and Sam.
Mikaela and Maggie had went with Ratchet to watch him perform a check up on Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, leaving Fig to hang around and annoy Will. Sam had went out for a drive with Bumblebee, a very long drive, and Glen and Epps laid in the human rec-room with their laptops on their laps. Trent had left to return home, saying goodbye to everyone around lunch time.
The night itself was rather cool, and most mechs and organics were sleeping at that point. Miles hummed to himself as he walked along, some odd tune that Bumblebee had played earlier at the meeting in response to something that had gotten stuck in his head, and he never heard the light foot steps as they came up behind him.
He had no idea anyone was there at all until he felt strong arms slip around him, one hand firmly finding its place on his mouth. He didn't even have the chance to scream.
The next morning no one was able to find Epps, which in itself wasn't enough to cause any worry. However, Miles was also no where to be found, which more then likely meant that they were both in the same place, and that poor Miles was at the older man's mercy. While this was discussed at breakfast, no one really bothered to do anything about it. It was still early, and no one wanted to have to put up with the craziness that was Sergeant Robert Epps. Or Miles Lancaster, for that matter.
It wasn't until Will recieved a call from Epps, asking for both him and Sam, that anyone bothered to actually look for where the two were. Surprisingly enough they were in the communications/control room with Blaster. Both of them were sitting side by side, huddled around one of the screens. Blaster seemed to be ignoring them, probably having dealt with whatever they were up to for the last couple of hours.
If they've been here for awhile I feel for ya, Blast. Will thought.
Outloud, he gained the attention of his two friends. "What's up?"
"One word my friend," Epps said, grinning. He looked back at them, but Miles continued to stare at the screen. The teen hadn't moved once since they had come in. "Fanfiction."
"Excuse me?" Will asked, raising an eyebrow. He knew what fanfiction was, of course, he just didn't get how it applied to the situation.
Here Blaster cut in, his tone a drawl. "You are aware of the NEST website, yes? Only NEST members, which few Civilians are considered to be apart of, present company excluded, have access to it. The security around it is a program we Autobots have made to make sure no one else can get into it. The site itself is split into three parts. The first and most important part is the part where you organics and my people can communicate together, and share things. The other two parts are a human side and a Cybertronian side, blocked to the other side so that we may speak freely of our co-workers. Any slandering is prohibited, and I personally know the Cybertronians do no such thing, but I, nor any Autobot I know, has attempted to see the human's side of it."
"Oh," Sam said simply, and a growing sense of dread could be seen in the teen's eyes. He suddenly wanted to leave the room, and quickly at that. He sent a pleading look to Will.
"So... The human side has fanfiction?" Will asked, taking a bit longer to get it, and not noticing the pleading look that Sam sent him.
"It would seem so," Blaster replied. The mech paused as he glanced at Will and Sam, before continuing on dryly. "You organics are very imaginitive when it comes to how we have 'sex' as you would call it."
At the word sex they could see Miles twitch, turning his head to look away from the screen as quickly as he could. Beside him Epps snickered.
"Reading that threesome between him, Prowl, and 'Cade seemed to make him 'glitch'." Epps said, voice strained as he tried to keep from laughing. "Y'know, apparently some people think Miles has a cop car fetish."
Miles practically growled, "Well at least some don't think I have a thing for Will and like to creep on him when he and Ironhide 'face."
"That was one story! One!" Epps huffed, glaring at the teen. Blaster got up, nodded at Will, then quickly left the room.
They could hear it as he engaged the locks, and seconds later a basewide message was made, so that everyone, humans and mechs alike, could hear it. :Lockdown on the communications room. There seems to be an odd virus spreading from 'fanfiction'. It has infected many on the base, and currently Epps and Miles are battling a terrible case of it. Sam and Will are in there, and I can only assume that Miles and Epps will infect the two of them. May Primus save them all. ...And Bumblebee, look up fanfiction before you freak.:
Miles laughed, and Epps got up from his seat, moving over to where Blaster had been sitting. He quickly accessed one of the largest screens in the room, activated it, put in his ID and password, and accessed the fanfiction part of the NEST website. He pulled it up, the screen large enough so that all could see even when crowded together.
"No, dudes," Sam said softly, staring at the door. He really hoped Bumblebee would freak anyway and attempt to save him. "No way."
Miles smirked, "When you're old and wrinkly, and your grandchildren are gathered around you, don't you want to tell them you braved NEST fanfiction?"
Will and Sam looked at eachother, and then shaked their heads in unison. No, they did not want to face the horrors of NEST fanfiction, thank you very much. They preffered riding in the sentient cars and talking to them, not avoiding them and never looking them in the optic. But alas, they were locked in, and Miles and Epps were a challenge on their own. Together they were formidable.
They were dragged into it, Epps even going as far as to handcuff Will's arm to the arm rest on one of the chairs to get the Captain to stay. Insubbordination be damned. Miles took the more subtle approach, and guilted Sam into doing it. His friend still felt bad for basically dropping contact after the battle of Mission City.
They sat there, eyes widening as Miles and Epps explained the lengthy list of pairings. There was two general categories; mechxmech and mechxhuman. They listed some of the more popular mechxmech pairings first, and ones they found funny. PrimexProwl, PrimexIronhide, IronhidexRatchet, RatchetxSunstreakerxSideswipe, ProwlxBarricade, BlurrxBumblebee, BumblebeexPrime, BumblebeexIronhide, SunstreakerxSideswipe, BumblebeexProwl, ProwlxJazz, JazzxTrailbreaker, and more. There was a shocking amount, and Will and Sam realized they didn't even know if there was relationships with their friends. At least not who was with who.
And then they started on the mechxhuman, and the two tried not to think anymore. SamxBumblebee, SamxPrime, WillxIronhide, MilesxBarricade, MilesxBarricadexProwl, SamxMilesxBumblebee, JazzxEpps, SunstreakerxSideswipexFig, SunstreakerxFig, TrentxBlaster, TrentxMilesxBarricade, TrentxSamxBumblebee, SarahxWillxIronhide, MikaelaxSamxBumblebee, BlurrxMiles, MilesxProwl, EppsxWillxIronhide, MaggiexProwl, and more.
"Oh, here's one," Miles said cheerfully. "Title: A medbot's duties. Summary: Ratchet makes sure that his patients are happy and relaxed in every way possible. Organics and 'bots alike." He snorted, clicking on it.
Epps looked, clicking an arrow to show the chapter titles. He laughed. "How nice, each chapter says which couple it will focus on. RatchetxPrime, RatchetxProwl... Oh Primus, Ratchetxthe twins. I'm not even sure how that would work, we avoided reading the threesomes for the most part. Except Miles' sexy time with Prowl and 'Cade. Of course that was holoforms..." He clicked the chapter with the twins, scrolling down to the whole point of that particular story. The crazy robot interfacing.
"Ratchet had always fixed them up," Miles read from the screen. "Always took such good care of them, even if they pranked the poor medbot endlessly. Even as he thought this, Sideswipe felt a grin form on his face as he watched his twin kiss Ratchet, glossas dancing for dominance, and grip the med's aft. It was their turn to take care of the medic."
Sam snickered, "I vote we download this and send it to Ratchet anonymously. Tell him to stop fraggin' everybot under the sun, and their humans too." The teen shoved Miles away from the screen, moving over and putting in his own search. If he had to be here and be tortured by it, he could at least have some fun with it. He glanced over at Epps, and saw the Sergeant smirk as he read the new search that came up. Miles and Barricade, a personal favorite of his.
"Title: Bad kitty." Sam read, Epps snickering beside him. Miles moved back beside Will, groaning and trying to plead with his friend to stop. "Guess your Halloween costume was pretty popular, eh, kitty?" He clicked on the link, Epps moving closer.
"Barricade watched as Miles curled up happily in Prowl's lap in the Autobot rec-room, Prowl reading a datapad with one hand as he stroked the teen's head with one finger gently." Epps started to read. "For once, he kept his rage inside. Miles had been his first, and Prowl had no right to touch what was his. But Barricade wasn't stupid, anything but, in fact. He knew if he acted wrong it would only scare Miles off completely, and that was the last thing he needed. So he had enlisted the help of Bobbie an-" Epps was cut off by Will.
"Bobbie? Who else calls you that besides Sarah?" Will asked, knowing Epps hated it when she did so. Everyone called him Epps for a reason, after all. He liked it that way.
"Hmm, a BBTlover, apparently." A pause as Epps opened up the person's profile on another page. "BBT stands for Big Black Truck. Oh my God, it's Sarah!" He laughed, quickly clicking on the link that would take him to BBTlover's fanfiction. He scanned it quickly, smirking when he found what he was looking for. Perfect. It didn't matter that it wasn't Sarah, they couldn't tell that. Fanfiction was set up with usernames and you couldn't tell who was who unless they put their names willingly, or leaked too much info.
"What?" Miles exclaimed, looking at Will with wide eyes.
Will smirked, "Better you then me, kid. Sorry."
"Oh, she has some of you and 'Hide, too, Will." Epps said, the smirk being heard in his voice as he pulled one of them up and began to read. "Ironhide had just found out it was Will's day of sparking, and while he didn't understand their strange organic costumes, he supposed he could get the Captain a gift. He had asked Sarah, who knew too much for her own good, and she had suggested something that was sure to relieve some of Will's stress, a di-pfffffffffft! A dildo!"
There was nothing but silence as they all turned to look at Will. For a few seconds he just stood there, and they were afraid he would pull a Prowl. Instead, he quickly came back to himself, activated the base wide communications, and begged loudly to be lit out until someone finally took pity on him and took him away from the other three and to the human rec-room.
By the time the joke was found out, it was already too late. The water cooler that had a pink liquid inside of it, with a paper sign that read 'human energon' on it, had already been in the human rec-room for several hours. In fact, the liquid inside to be the center of attention to everyone in that room.
Glen had started the betting pool, and a large dry erase board was brought in to keep track. No one questioned why Wheeljack, Sunstreaker, and Sideswipe's holoforms were there. They figured that it was a simple answer; Sideswipe and Sunstreaker had invented whatever the strange concation happened to be, and Wheeljack was either there because they blackmailed him so Ratcher wouldn't have to find out if a human happened to have a negative reaction to it, or because he was curious himself. The three mechs knew exactly what the liquid was, but around dinner time they felt it was safe enough to leave the room with a camer in their place.
Up until about an hour after they had left, Will had been the record holder, managing to have downed a whole cup. Most hated the taste and couldn't stand even more than a sip, but he had no problem with it. However, that didn't mean his stomach happened to agree with his taste buds. Half an hour later he was puking his guts out, a reluctant and confused Ironhide being ordered to watch him. He didn't want Sam, Miles, or Epps anywhere near him with what he had been reading, and Wheeljack had refused to let him be alone. Ironhide had agreed because Ratchet could even put the fear of the wrench in him.
Not long after the three mechs had left, three new challengers had arrived to take on the challenge. Miles, Sam, and Epps had decided that they had enough of being disturbed, laughing so hard they cried, and feeling like they wanted to 'purge their tanks' due to the fanfiction, and had gone to the rec-room to take a break. The three quickly beat Will's one glass record, being cheered on by Glen, Maggie, and Mikaela. Everyone but Will had thought the pink liquid had tasted awful. But Miles, Epps, and Sam happened to agree with Will. It tasted odd, something they could never describe, but it wasn't bad at all. Sam had even texted Will, taunting him about how even Epps had a stronger stomach then him. The Captain didn't reply, but he did get a text from Ironhide telling him to shut the slag up before he sent him to the pit.
Epps had dropped out at his 5th cup, saying he gave up. Miles and Sam were both on their 10th cup, taking minor breaks in between so they wouldn't manage to over hydrate or puke because they drank too much, when Bumblebee, Ratchet, Barricade, Ironhide, and Prowl stormed in with the twins and Wheeljack following behind them sulking. Bumblebee and Barricade then stormed over to them, and grabbed cups from their hands.
"Barry!" Miles protested, a whine evident in his voice. "I was just about to beat Sam!"
Surprisingly enough it was Bumblebee who spoke up, his tone chiding. "What in the pit were you two thinking drinking an unknown substance? You're not sparklings!"
They both knew something had to be up if Bumblebee was the one speaking like that, and they both frowned, looked at eachother, then pointed to the sign that said it was human energon.
"Well, about that," Sideswipe started to say reluctantly, casting a nervous glance at Bumblebee and Barricade. Both he and his brother had a few new dents and scratches from the two. And the slagging 'con didn't even have his weapons. "The human part really should be changed to Cybertronian."
The two teens stared at him, and Epps did too. "You're saying that we just drank Energon? Like honest to God, Primus, what-the-frag-ever, Energon?" A pause as Epps glanced at his younger cohorts. "And I only drank five cups, thank Primus. So what's this supposed to do, anyway?"
Silence for a few seconds as the Cybertronians looked in between eachother. They were probably using their internal comm links to talk, and the three humans frowned.
Ratchet's holoform stepped forward. "We are not sure. Only you, William, Samual, and Miles have shown any difference towards it. Every other organic who has drank it has shown distaste after one sip, and usually spit it out or felt quesy afterwords. William thought it tasted fine, but is now in the process of purging his stomach of it completely. You three have not only drank more than everyone else, but have not shown any signs of it not agreeing with you."
"So..." Miles trailed off, looking at Ratchet wearily.
"Energon is not meant for organics. One sip will do no harm. One cup is probably pressing it. From what we know you guys shouldn't be doing so well." Prowl explained, the only calm face out of the other seven Cybertronians.