PREVIOUSLY-

I felt myself getting woozy and my vision started to blur as I fell to the ground. The last thing I saw before losing consciousness was my sandy wolf racing in my direction.

When I woke, I had a huge headache. I looked around, noticing I was laying on the couch at the Clearwater's house. I sat up and winced in pain, noting that my hand was bandaged.

"Sleeping beauty awakes…" I heard Leah say from the kitchen doorway.

"Where's Seth?" I asked her quickly.

"Not here." She responded back shortly. I could already hear the disapproval in her tone. I felt the sting of tears in my eyes, knowing I hurt him. "I don't understand you, Swan. How could you do that? How could you tell my brother that you love him, have sex with him, then go off like a fucking sacrificial lamb to the slaughter?! He won't even phase back! He doesn't want to!" She yelled as I felt the tears streaming from my eyes.

I couldn't do this.

I stood up to leave, making my way to the doorway, but she was there blocking it before I reached it.

"No. You don't get to leave. Not until I have some fucking answers." Leah spat. I felt my heart breaking all over again. "Tell me, Swan, why?"

"I was trying to save all of you! She nearly killed Jake because he saved Seth! I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let anyone else get hurt because of me!" I cried to her, pleading with her to understand.

"You're an idiot, Swan! Do you even know what would have happened to my brother if that leech had killed you? Do you even think that far ahead?!" Leah snapped at me, looking down at me menacingly.

"He's sixteen! He has his whole life ahead of him! He could have moved on, eventually found someone else…" I told her, feeling the pain inside myself as I said it.

"Do you really not know?" She asked, like I should've known something important. I shook my head. "If you die, Swan, he dies. You're fully mated to him, your life is connected to his. So you walking out there, ready to die, meant that you were ready to kill Seth, too."

I sunk to the floor. How could I not have known that? Why didn't he tell me? I would never have put my own life in danger if I'd known that one detail. I would never put his life in danger. My own life was one thing but his was different. I was doing all of this to save him, not kill him.

I sobbed at Leah's feet for what felt like hours, crying until there was no breath left in me. Everything hurt. Why was I so stupid?

"You really didn't know, did you?" She asked quietly, kneeling down to my level.

"No, I swear I didn't, I would never have—I, oh god, Leah, he hates me! I can feel it. It hurts so bad." I cried into her as she gently patted my back.

I don't know how long I was sitting there, pouring my heart out at their entryway.

My sobs turned into hiccups and I knew I couldn't stay in this house any longer.

"Can you take me home?" I muttered, nearly lifelessly. "I can't be here. I can't. I can't be on the reservation."

"Get up, Swan. Let's go." Leah said as she pulled me to my feet by my uninjured hand. I followed her out to her car wordlessly.

I don't even remember the drive back to my house. Charlie was still on his fishing trip with Billy, so I knew I would be home alone.

I sat inside, staring at nothing, feeling nothing but pain.

My mate, my imprint didn't even want to look at me. Didn't even want to phase back human. I did this.

I did this to him.

I sat on the floor, staring at nothing for hours, holding my legs to my chest as I let tears fall from my eyes.

It was already the next morning when I heard the door opening. I was still in the same position as I had been all night and half the day before. I wanted so desperately to feel nothing, but the harder I tried, the more pain I felt.

"Bella? B, come on, what are you doing? Have you been like this all night?" I heard someone say but I just continued to stare, unmoving. I didn't even take a chance to see who it was, though I vaguely knew the male voice sounded familiar. I heard the voice again. "Sam? Yeah, it's bad. Really bad. I'm bringing her down."

I felt myself being lifted off the ground, but I didn't care. Nothing mattered. I'd lost my imprint. He didn't want me.

I was lost.

I recalled being taken past the border and crying, screaming that I didn't want to be there. I couldn't be there. I wasn't welcome there anymore. I tried to open the car door, but a large hand caught it before I could fall out.

"Dammit, Bella!" I heard, but my cries drown it out. "They better fucking catch him or I'm going to kill the kid myself."

His words made me cry even harder. He'd run away. He didn't want me. He wanted to get as far away from me as he could.

I did this.

I struggled against the hands as they lifted me out of the car, screaming I couldn't be there. I felt another pair of hands helping restrain me.

"Sam, I gotta phase. If I show him, maybe he'll come back." I heard the voice say, but I screamed against it. I didn't want him to feel worse than he already did because of me.

I did this.

"Go. Quickly." The other voice said as they took me completely into their own arms.

My vision was blurred from the tears, my voice straining from my screams. How did I become so hysterical again?

Oh, right. I could've killed Seth. I could've killed my imprint without even knowing it. He was gone.

He's gone.

That sounded vaguely familiar.

Because of me.

I couldn't be there.

I took what little energy I had left and jumped from whoever's arms I was in. I ran in the first direction my body chose. I couldn't see where I was going. I knew the wolves were fast enough to catch me, to stop me, but I didn't stop. I kept running.

I ran until I tripped over a branch, landing on the soft pine-needle covered ground.

I had no energy left.

I did this.

He's gone.

I closed my eyes, not that they were doing me any good either way.

Why hadn't they followed me? I was probably being shunned by the pack, I surmised. I didn't blame them, I'd nearly killed one of their own.

I didn't know if it was my mind playing tricks on me, but I suddenly felt warmth wrapped around me. It was the kind of warmth I only felt with Seth, that safety and security. I reached for it, grasped for what I hoped was my Seth, but was met with fur. It was just one of the wolves.

I felt disappointment.

I sobbed dryly, there were no more tears left in my body.

I did this.

I didn't mean to.

I didn't know.

I felt myself drifting off into the darkness again, wrapped in my furry cocoon of heat.

When I woke again, I could hear the voices surrounding me. One of them was closer than the others, I could feel the vibrations run through my body as he spoke.

I tried to concentrate on it.

"My wolf freaked! My own imprint tried to kill herself! I couldn't control it, Sam, what was I supposed to do?" I heard.

Seth!

My Seth was holding me, seemingly not wanting to.

I could still hear other voices, but only one of them mattered to me.

"What would you have done if it was Emily out there in that meadow, face to face with a vampire that specifically wanted to kill her?!" I heard my Seth yell. "No, you don't! You have no idea what you would've done, because it's never happened to you!"

I heard growling, or more like felt it. It was Seth.

"I watched my imprint, the woman I love more than life itself, my universe, my whole purpose for living, walk out into that field like some type of martyr, handing herself over to a homicidal, psycho vampire, with the intent to save us, Sam! She did it so that none of us would get hurt again. She didn't know! I saw Leah's memory, she didn't know!" I'd never heard this type of tone come from Seth before.

I did this.

"Don't you think I know that? I know I should've known, I should've had some type of idea about what she was planning! I felt her sadness and fear, but I thought it was about Jacob! Who was supposed to be on patrol around her house when she decided to walk out into the woods on foot?! Any of us within at least two miles would've known!"

I felt my eyelids flutter, unable to listen to this one-sided conversation any longer.

As my eyes opened, I looked up to see Seth. My Seth, looking more distressed than I'd ever seen him before.

I did this.

His attention immediately snapped to me and I could see the pure sadness in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." My throat felt dry and my voice cracked painfully as I muttered the words feeling like they suddenly weren't nearly enough.

Seth said nothing to me.

He looked up and told whoever else was there to leave, that he needed to speak to me alone.

Once they were gone, he looked back down to me with tears in his eyes. "I could've lost you. I almost lost you." He whispered to me. "Why did you do it, Bella? After everything I've told you about how terrified I was to lose you after I lost my dad… How could you tell me that you loved me, knowing that you were planning on throwing away your life, my life? Did you even mean it?"

He was questioning my love for him?

I did this.

I willed my voice to come. "I love you. I meant every word." I whispered to him as I saw one of his tears drop onto his chest. "I didn't know… what it would do to you. I didn't know."

"It doesn't matter if you knew it would kill me if you died, Bella. You knew what you are to me. You knew that you are my whole life. You are my universe. How could you possibly think that I could just move on from the most important person in my existence? Even if I could survive your death, which I can't, then you would've sentenced me to a life I wouldn't ever want to live. How could you not know that?" He cried, reaching one of his hands up to his face, wiping at his eyes. "Not only that, what about Charlie? What about my mom, who loves you like her own, my sister, Emily, the pack?"

I felt my throat constricting as I listened to his words.

"I- I didn't think—"

"No, you didn't think. It was selfish, Bella. Even if you think you did it for what you thought were the right reasons. Do you not trust the pack to do our jobs? Do you not trust me to protect you? Is that what this is about?" He asked with a pained expression.

"Of course I trust you!" I cried.

"But you didn't, which is why you decided, alone, to take matters into your own hands, no matter the cost to the people who love you." He uttered brokenly. He didn't even want to look me in the eyes.

"I'm still alive." I murmured, not knowing what else I could say.

"Only because we got there when we did!" He retorted. "Seconds, Bella. She was seconds away from killing you. And then after we were there, you decided to cut yourself in front of a hungry psycho VAMPIRE!" I could feel him shaking underneath me.

"She was about to kill Leah! It was the only thing I could do to distract her long enough for you guys to kill her. If I hadn't done what I did, then she would've killed Leah and gotten away, because that's her fucking gift!" I yelled as loudly as my voice would let me, scrambling to get up from where I was laying across Seth's lap on the couch. I immediately felt the loss as soon as my skin was no longer touching his.

I did this.

I can't be here.

"Gift?" He asked, unsure what I meant. He was standing now, too.

"Remember how I told you that some vampires have gifts. Edward could read minds, Alice could see the future, Jasper could control emotions. I realized I was right the other day. Victoria's gift was evasion. She's been able to escape everything you guys have tried, even with my information, and I knew that without some type of major distraction, she would've continued to escape, probably picking you all off one-by-one as she did. That's why I did it, Seth. She would've killed you if Jake hadn't jumped in front of you when he did. She told me in the meadow that she would enjoy killing you while I watched…" I said to him as I backed away. I couldn't stand seeing the look he was giving me.

I can't be here.

I tripped over something behind me and braced myself for landing on the ground when I was caught by a pair of strong, warm arms.

He stood me back up and made sure I was planted firmly before letting me go again. It felt like he didn't even want to touch me.

I did this.

I felt the tears welling in my eyes again. "I need to go. I can't be here." I mumbled to myself, looking toward the exits. It was only then that I realized we were in his house.

Seth backed away like he'd been stung. "I- I can't make you stay." He replied as tears streamed down his face. "If you truly want to leave me, then go. I can't stop you."

I didn't want to leave him, I just couldn't stand seeing him look at me with such pain in his eyes.

I remembered what he'd told me in the beginning, 'I'd do anything you want me to'. That's what he meant by 'I can't stop you.'

He was only going on my words, though, not my feelings.

"I don't want to leave you, Seth." I told him adamantly.

"You just said you needed to go, that you couldn't be here. That sounds a lot like you wanted to leave." He replied, clutching at his chest desperately.

"Because I can't stand the looks you're giving me! I just can't bear the thought of how disappointed you are with me. I can feel much you hate me. I don't want to leave you, Seth. I love you. Does it feel like I want to leave you?" I begged.

"Your words—"

"What do you feel from me, Seth?"

His hand left his chest and his breathing started to slow.

"You don't want to leave me… you're not rejecting the imprint." He muttered quietly, looking down. "But you don't want to be around me."

"I don't want to keep fighting, Seth. You won't even look me in the eyes. How can I be around you right now when it just keeps hurting you to even acknowledge my presence? I hurt you. I nearly killed you. You can't tell me that you really want me to be here right now. You ran away. Even your wolf doesn't want me right now." I told him as I made my way to the door.

He said nothing, only let more tears fall.

I opened the door and was halfway outside when I barely heard him speak.

"Stay." He whispered brokenly, looking over at me. He brought his bloodshot eyes to mine. "Please?"

I stood completely still, contemplating his request.

"Why?" I asked, needing to know.

"Because I love you."

A/N- Guys, I legit had tears running down my face as I wrote this. I had to stop so many times because I couldn't see my laptop. I feel like it's a pretty fair reaction from a 16 year old though, especially with the type of bond that an imprint is.

Let me know your feelings on this!