AN: Somehow this turned out a lot longer than I meant it to be... but that's okay, since I wanted to write something suggested that hinted at BxM, but wasn't anything concrete! :
Reviews: Thanks to Noella50881, Autobot Firekat, and Fk306 animelover for reviewing!
Kitty1994: Ahaha, I don't know Blackout at all, really, nor have I ever even heard of BarricadexBlackout, so I can't say I have a preference for them. JazzxProwl I do like though! And as for a Cybertronian being a human's rival for love... All I keep imagining is the word SPLAT!
TransformerJunkie: Thanks for sharing your opinion! I actually love SamxBee, but I also think they make a great brother-friend bond kind of thing, too.
Jacqueline Walker: Waiiit, whaat? What are you drawing, and would you share? :D
BrownEyedShamer: I think Miles is left out to much in the movie-verse, and Barricade too. I love the both of them, and for some reason I just see the two getting along in my head. Thanks for sharing your opinion! :)
AN2: So my laptop is dying. I'm using my dad's home one atm, but idk if this will have an affect on how I update or not. It depends.
Somehow, Sergeant Robert Epps had come to find a tape recorder in his possession. In truth it was Will's fault, as he had opted to skip that one meeting and given it to Epps to make sure that his close friend didn't miss anything important.
Epps being Epps took more enjoyment than a normal person should from having a tape recorder. For an entire week, Epps used the tape recorder wherever he went. Graham had jokingly named it Epps Jr., and after that it was referred to as the black man's 'child'.
None one thought he'd catch anything substantial. At first there were jokes about catching ghosts on tape, or maybe finally being able to find out what the Cybertronians were saying when they knew the humans couldn't hear. By the fourth day the hype had died down to everyone but Epps. On the seventh day nearly everyone had even forgotten Epps had it, except those he interviewed with it.
"So, Sam, tell the audience what it's like to live with G.R.A, or our favorite name for them, the NBE's?" Epps questioned seriously, though there was a smirk on his face and a glint in his eye as he held the tape recorder to Sam's face.
Sam groaned, "Epps, seriously, not right now! My bed broke and Miles said he'd put it together for me. Which means I'm either going to regret what he and someone else did to it, or it won't be done for a year."
"And just how did you break your bed, Samual? You and Miles getting a little frisky in there?"
"You wish." Sam snorted, "It was Ratchet and Ironhide." After the humans had found out how annoyed Ratchet came by speculating about his love life, they naturally went out of their way to do so.
"I knew it!" Epps laughed, then proceeded to wolf whistle when they passed Ironhide, who had Will with him.
Ironhide glanced back at Epps over his shoulder, while Will just sighed. "Ignore him, 'Hide."
Sam rolled his eyes as he left one of the giant hangars and headed to the soldier barracks. Epps followed him the whole way, and the two occasionally commented on a few things. Epps talked the most, adding a comment here and there to listen to later on his tape recorder. As they were walking to Sam's and Miles' shared room he paused, and grabbed Sam by the back of his shirt to stop him as well, and changed the tape.
He started it just as they were outside the two teen's room, and they both noticed the door was open just a crack when Miles voice suddenly shocked them both into stopping.
"It won't fit in there, Barry! It's too big!"
Both Epps and Sam turned to look at each other with wide eyes at the same time. That just sounded so wrong to them.
Barricade's answering grunt came through the door. "Just one hard shove, and it'll be in."
"I'm telling you your part is too big! It won't fit in my hole!"
Sam was biting his lip, torn between thinking extremely bad thoughts, and trying to convince himself that they were doing something completely innocent. Epps looked like a child on Christmas morning who was about to open their presents. He put the tape recorder closer to the crack in the door.
Then they heard Barricade let loose a frustrated growl, followed by Miles groaning.
"Owww." Miles whined.
"Sorry, princess. Just hold still."
By this point Sam looked an amazing mixture between horrified and amused. Epps still just looked gleeful. Both the teen and the Sergeant leaned closer towards the door when they didn't hear anything but shifting for a moment. Neither noticed Will and Graham walking in the barracks until the two were already on them.
"Epps, you're making Ironhide paranoid again. He thinks you're talking about him. Wolf whistle at him again and I'll kick your ass." Will narrowed his eyes at them. He was the head of he NEST base, and he felt that everyone should be given their privacy. There were rules he had to enforce about it, with so many people living in such close quarters. Even if he started off with something that wasn't a reprimand. He could be curious, too.
When Sam turned around and hissed at him to shut up, he quickly decided that the rules be damned and backed down. Graham was already beside Sam, trying to hear whatever had him and Epps so enthralled.
"Ohhh, Barry, you just need to..." Miles moaned in frustration. "Almost, just a bit more...!"
Barricade growled, "I know, just shut up already."
Suddenly there was a fight over who got the area closest towards the door, though the whole thing was rather difficult in an attempt to remain silent and unnoticed by the two occupants within the room. Epps ended up in front, holding Epps Jr. protectively, and the rest piled in close to him, practically on top of him as they all leaned even closer towards the door. Epps was in front, then Sam and Graham were leaning against his back, peering over his shoulders. Will was directly behind them, leaning up against the two to hear better.
"I just need to angle it a bit, and then push a bit harder..."
"Wha- Oh, yes! That's it! Harder, Barry!"
None of the four eavesdroppers saw or heard Bumblebee walk in. Bumblebee usually made his holoform make sound, but when he noticed how the four were positioned he quickly changed his holoform into a hologram so it wouldn't make any sound, but would keep the same look. He made it to directly behind the four before switching back to the holoform so he could be felt again. He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, about to say something before he was cut off by Miles' voice drifting out of the bedroom.
"There! Oh, yes, there! Yes, yes, yes!" His cry was accompanied by Barricade groaning with satisfaction.
The now five eavesdroppers were so quiet a needle could have been heard hitting the ground all the way in Ratchet's medbay. The only noises came from inside the room, and for a few seconds that was only shuffling, signaling that one or both of the occupants of the room were moving around.
"Told you you'd enjoy it." Barricade said, sounding all too smug.
"Holy frag!" Bumblebee whispered, startling Will into trying to turn around.
This however caused all four of the humans to tumble into Miles' and Sam's room as the door flew open from their combined weight.
Miles looked shocked, and Barricade glared at the four on the ground, and Bumblebee, who had remained up right and just outside the room.
"What in the pit are you five glitches doing?" Barricade growled.
Will rolled off of Graham, and both Graham and Sam rolled off of Epps. Epps groaned, before jumping up and pointing a finger at both Barricade and Miles.
"The better question is, what were you two doing, hmm?" It took a second, but Epps eventually noticed they both had clothes on. "Wait, you both have clothes on..."
"Uh..." Miles looked at Epps like he was crazy, "Duh. Who'd put a bed together naked?"
Epps gaped, while Sam chuckled nervously. "You guys were putting my bed together?"
Miles nodded.
"Only putting my bed together, right?"
Miles now looked at Sam as if he was crazy, while Barricade just fixed on his patented scowl and glowered at all of them.
"What these gits are trying to say is, well, it sounded like you two were fragging!" Graham did not apparently do subtle very well.
It was Miles turn to gap, and the teen quickly sputtered out a defensive comment, though it was a weak one. "It did not!"
Barricade, for his own defense, just let his face go completely blank. Though anyone who knew how he acted in his holoform tended to realize that was his 'surprised face'.
Epps smirked, and waved Epps Jr. in the air, before hitting rewind, and then play.
"It won't fit in there, Barry! It's too big!"
"Just one hard shove, and it'll be in."
"I'm telling you your part is too big! It won't fit in my hole!" Silence, then Miles groaning in pain. "Owww."
"Sorry, princess. Just hold still."
Here there was a slight pause, and Will could be heard in the background, as well as Sam hissing at him to shut up.
"Ohhh, Barry, you just need to..." Miles moaning in frustration, "Almost, just a bit more...!"
Barricade growling, "I know, just shut up already."
Shuffling in the background.
"I just need to angle it a bit, and then push a bit harder..."
"Wha- Oh, yes! That's it! Harder, Barry!"
"There! Oh, yes, there! Yes, yes, yes!" Miles cry, being accompanied by Barricade's groan of satisfaction.
Shuffling once more, though this time from Barricade and Miles.
Then Barricade's smug voice, "Told you you'd enjoy it."
The last thing that was heard on the tape before it was cut off was Bumblebee in the background, whispering. "Holy frag!"
Miles and Barricade listened, the young teen starting to blush and laugh at the same time.
"Okay, I admit that sounds amazingly like me and Barry were doing the dirty! But we were just putting Sam's bed together!" A pause. "And sounding extremely enthusiastic about it." Miles grinned sheepishly. The teen's face was just starting to return to normal. "Though, you gotta admit, it's Barry who sells that whole entire thing."
"The pit it is." Barricade snarled, then smirked. "Frankly, I think my favorite line was one of yours." His smirk widened, befor he did an imitation of Miles' voice, which sounded strinkingly similar to the real Miles. "Oh, yes! That's it! Harder, Barry!"
Miles groaned, his blush returning as the others started to laugh. "Oh, frag you!"
"Sorry, but we only just convinced them that's what we weren't doing." Barricade drawled, still smirking smugly.
That night found everyone eating in the cafeteria, minus Sam and Jazz, who had went missing not long before. Miles and Barricade sat in front of Miles' parents, Epps sat at the front of the table, and another had been pushed to join the original one. Graham and Fig sat there, as well as Will and Bumblebee. Most of the others, including the Cybertronians, were strewn across the room. Sam's parents were in there, as well as Trent, who had pulled up a chair between Will and Miles, the two sitting side by side at the tables conjoining area. Maggie, Glen, Mikaela and several other organic members of the NEST base were there. Optimus, Ratchet, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, and even Prowl was in the room, though Prowl was being forced by Ratchet. Soundwave was talking with Optimus, and so far he had not programmed any of his creations with holoform's, and though they could all fit they tended to avoid a crowded place with humans. Only Ravage was there, and he was sitting under the table at Miles' feet, not feeling up to walking back and forth with his Creator and the Prime at the moment.
Everything was going great until the intercom buzzed to life, and Jazz's voice drifted through.
"Helloooooo NEST! This is yah favorite TIC, Jazz, and mah special lil' buddy, Sam, the defeater of mighteh Megatron! Sam?"
Sam took over for the moment, "It's another fine Saturday night here on Earth, and it's a good of a night as any to introduce one of the newest addition's: Jazz's Hot Spot! This broadcast brings you the latest gossip and juicy details of the going on's around base. If you would do the honors of introducing tonight's topic, Jazzy?"
"Why thank yah, Samual!" Jazz's amusement could be heard even through the intercom. "Tonight we bring you a piece collected from Epps Jr. An' for those of yah a bi' outta the loop, tha's Epps' tape recorder. The lil' fellow picked up a very interesting audio recording of some of the two more well known members of this base. I' involves our favorite Decepticon turned Neutral, and one of the craziest teens I have had the plahsure of meeting, Miles! Most of us ahready knew that those two were nigh near inseperable unless they had a fight, but the data collected from Epps Jr. migh' just clue us in to just why there fights are so explosive in the first place." Here Jazz paused dramatically. "Could these two be the first Cybertronian/human relationship in the historeh of evah? How great could the make up frag be between them! Listen and decide for yahselves!"
By this point Graham, Epps, Will, Miles, Bumblebee, and Barricade had already caught on. The young teen's eyes had widened, and he sat frozen in his seat with his mouth hanging open. Elizabeth kept looking between her son and the Neutral Cybertronian. Bob just ignored the whole thing, figuring it was something stupid.
And then the audio recording turned on. If most of the eyes hadn't been on the table with Miles and Barricade were already, they had quickly changed that, and stared the two in shock.
The whole cafeteria was silent as the beginning of the recording began to play, until Bob began to choke. He had just been taken a drink of his beer when the recording had started to play, and had frozen in shock when it had. Belatedly he had swallowed, and managed to get the alcoholic beverage down the wrong way. The recording and his coughing were the only things heard.
Miles was sinking down in his seat, his face bright red in embarrassment as he avoided looking anyone in the eye, and especially avoided looking at his parents. The young teen suddenly found himself wishing that Shockwave had killed him.
When the recording ended half of the cafeteria remained in shocked silence, while the other half erupted into laughter, cheers, catcalls, jeers, and taunts.
Will stood up quickly, "It's not what you guys think! I know what it sounds like, but they were just putting Sam's bed together!"
"They were doing something with a bed, alright!" An unidentified voice called from the background.
Barricade looked surprisingly horrified, which was mainly because he was sitting directly in front of Elizabeth. The mother looked ready to murder someone.
"What did you do to my baby?" Lizzy hissed, standing up and glaring down at Barricade.
"Mom!" Miles protested, "Nothing happened! Just calm down, okay?"
"Hey, hey, when you two gonna run off and elope, huh?" The same voice as before taunted, and Will silently swore he'd find whoever it was and beat the shit out of them, commanding officer be damned.
This prompted Bob to join his wife in standing up and glaring at Barricade.
Bumblebee called to the teen and Cybertronian from his spot at the table, "Uh, you know, running might be smart right about now. We'll get the 'rents calmed down."
And for once Barricade listened to the Autobot, picking Miles up and rushing out of the room with him. Of course this only added fuel to the fire, and the cafeteria erupted into chaos.
"Okay..." Sam trailed off, looking down at the floor guiltily. "So maybe that wasn't the best way to get Miles back for the lap dance video..."
Jazz stood beside the teen in his holoform, grinning sheepishly. Both were in Will's office. "Aw, Willeh, we din't know it'd turn ou' like that. It was just a bit of harmless fun!"
Both Will and Prowl were behind Will's desk, the human sitting in his seat and the SIC standing and giving a reprimanding look at the two in front of them.
"Yes, well, we still can not locate Miles or Barricade, or even reach them, because of your 'harmless fun'. On top of that, more than likely over half the organic members of NEST base now believe that the two are actually together in such a way." Prowl narrowed his eyes at the two.
Sam protested, "What's so wrong with that? So the two will get teased, big deal."
"Sam, did you ever think why we have the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy?" Will asked, sighing. "Men more than women tend to get angry over homosexuality, at least from what I've seen. Not only do we have a lot of men, but a lot of men who know how to kill. What if there are any homophobes? Barricade's referred to as a male here."
Both Jazz and Sam visibly deflated.
"Neither of you bothered to think of the possible drawbacks that this could have." Will continued, determined to make them feel as guilty as they should over the matter. "This would obviously affect Miles more than Barricade, because I doubt even the stupidest member here would go against Barricade, or against Miles with Barricade around."
The guilt tripping talk continued for awhile, and then the punishment was dealt out for both of them. The two took it without complaint.
It was late afternoon of the next day, and everyone was eating lunch outside at the picnic tables. Everyone was silent when they saw Barricade drive in, and pull up near the picnic area. Miles got out, and walked towards the group, Barricade's holoform following him. Miles stopped in front of Epps.
"Epps?"
"Yeah, Miles?"
"Give me your tape recorder."
Epps hesitated, before handing the small device over. Miles stuck it in his back pocket, grinning.
"Where the frag did you two go, and how in the pit could we not contact you?" This was Ratchet, coming to stand beside the two and cast a cursory glance over them to check for any ailments.
Miles smirked, and backed up to stand beside Barricade's holoform. He then put up one of his hands, and wiggled the fingers on it, mostly bringing attention to the small silver band on his ring finger. "Vegas. We got hitched."
Barricade looked at the teen with amusement, while the rest of the people and Cybertronians at the picnic area were stunned into silence.
Then Epps, Sideswipe, Jazz, Bumblebee, Optimus, Sam, Glen, Graham, Will, Maggie, and Trent began to snicker, and then to laugh.
Sam guffawed, "You did not!"
"You never knooow!" Miles sing-songed, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. The teen then proceeded to jog off, ignoring any questions, catcalls, or any other noises thrown his way. Barricade simply followed, not bothering to ellaborate either.
Once the laughter died down Epps realized Miles had never given him his tape recorder back.
"Epps Jr., noooooo!" He cried dramatically, flopping himself down on Maggie and pretending to sob.
After that day Epps Jr., more commonly known as a tape recorder, was never seen again.
Within a week Will passed a rule that banded tape recorder's from being used by humans unless they were actually needed, like in a meeting, or to remember something. Not to eavesdrop.