In the Wake of What Follows
Chapter Eight: Nothing of Consequence
Genkai's training did not disappoint. Terra lost herself in the pain of her muscles as they were pushed to unimaginable limits. Genkai watched from the sidelines, barking instructions, the sound of her voice drowning out the chatter of the wedding guests who had yet to leave.
Terra went through a sequence of martial arts attacks and stances again and again until Genkai dubbed her proficient enough to stop. With rasping breaths, Terra walked over to her water bottle and took a long drink.
"Not tired already," Genkai challenged.
"What gave you that impression?" Terra responded, smirking despite her heavy breaths.
"Handstand," Genkai commanded.
Terra's smirk fell. The last time Genkai had her do a handstand, it lasted for hours until all the blood had rushed to her brain and Terra had nearly fainted. Her arms could only just hold herself up in the first place, but Genkai listened to no excuses. Terra did as she was told.
Her arms wobbled for the first minute or so, but eventually, Terra found her balance.
"Now, focus your spirit energy."
"Like this!" Terra protested, nearly toppling over at the request.
Genkai snorted. "You may not be able to command it into physical form yet, but you have to be able to access your energy no matter what conditions you are under."
Terra gritted her teeth, bracing herself mentally. Doing as Genkai instructed, she dived into her energy and pulled it through her like coaxing a snake to dance. Sometimes this process was smooth, but with the added stress on her body, it was near painful. Her energy prickled beneath her skin and coursed through her veins as if she had been shocked.
"Relax," Genkai snapped.
"That's kind of hard at the moment."
Genkai slapped Terra's leg, almost knocking her off balance. "Don't talk back."
Terra let out a grunt as her arms began to shake. This is going to be a long day. When Terra finally collapsed, Genkai was kind enough to give her a two-hour break for lunch. She spent the first forty-five minutes of it lying on the dojo floor, trying to catch her breath and convince her muscles to move.
Most of the guests had left by the time Terra made it to the kitchen. The demons had all vanished into the rift between worlds and the Kuwabara family that had stayed the night all packed and left, needing to get back to whatever odd jobs they had. Only those who had a permeant room at the temple remained: Keiko and Yusuke, Botan, Shizuru, Hiei, Kurama, and, of course, the bride and groom.
"It's too bad Koenma couldn't make it," Botan said, apologizing on the man's behalf. "But, duties as they are."
"It's not like he was around much to begin with," Kuwabara mumbled into his cup of tea. He was bedraggled and squinty and probably rocking a hangover. Terra wouldn't be surprised if he'd only just woken up. "Not part of my life after Yusuke stopped being Spirit Detective. Didn't really expect him to show."
Terra waved them hello and pulled out some leftovers from the fridge for lunch. Botan called her named when she had stuck a plate into the microwave. "Yeah?"
"You disappeared on us last night! I was so wanting to get to know you."
Terra looked to Kuwabara and wondered if the man even remembered half of the evening. "I got sucked into the boy's club for a bit before going to bed. I didn't want to wake Keiko up. She looked like she needed the rest."
"Oh, yes! You were babysitting Tomio, weren't you! Isn't he just the sweetest thing. Spirit World was very against Yusuke having a child. They were up in arms for the longest time," she huffed, clearly upset. Terra couldn't fathom why some spirit gods were upset that Yusuke was procreating, but she supposed that was a question for another day.
Terra let the conversation die as she waited for the microwave to ding.
"I'm going back to bed," Kuwabara muttered, pushing himself out of the chair and the tiny kitchen table. Terra didn't have to worry about being alone with Botan for too long. Shizuru stumbled in almost as soon as her brother stumbled out. "I need a beer," she said, swinging open the refrigerator door with too much strength.
"Shizuru! It's only one in the afternoon!"
"Best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk," she chuckled lowly. "My old man taught me that trick."
Before she could pop open the beer in her hand, Kurama materialized out of seemingly nowhere and took it from her. "Perhaps it would be best if I made you some tea," he said, a serene smile on his face as he put the bottle back into the fridge.
Shizuru's head fell back, hitting Kurama's shoulder, where he stood behind her. "Whatever you say, medicine man."
Terra grabbed a pair of chopsticks and left to eat in her room before Kurama could suck her into a conversation. From the few times they had a chance to talk, Terra knew he was someone worth avoiding. He had gotten exactly what he wanted out of twenty-questions the night before, after all.
After her meal, Terra went back to the dojo, but Genkai was nowhere to be seen. She usually was ready before Terra, no matter how early Terra came back from lunch. The maze of the temple was easy to navigate, now. She was familiar enough with the halls that she could avoid any more hungover residents on her way to Genkai's room.
Terra knocked gently on the door. There was no response, but Terra could hear the music of some Final Fantasy game coming from Genkai's TV. She slid the door open to find Genkai asleep with a controller in her hands. Genkai startled awake when Terra stepped into the room. She looked Terra over, eyes still heavy from her nap. Terra wondered if the extra-long lunch break was for Genkai's benefit rather than her own.
"Ready for round two?" Genkai said, pushing herself up to seated.
"Maybe on that Mario Cart game you have," she said, sitting gently next to her on the bed.
Genkai coughed. The worry Terra had at that moment for the old woman's health was written clearly on her face. With a sharp look, Genkai stood. "Your mask slips when you're around me," she said. Terra frowned in confusion. "When others are around," Genkai continued, "your facial expressions are minimal. Only someone skilled in reading faces or perhaps who knew you well would be able to read your face. But when we're alone, all your emotions are easily seen."
"I didn't realize I did that," Terra said. Maybe that added to her supposed "mysterious" vibe the boys were complaining about last night.
"Hide them from others, or show them to me?" Genkai asked.
Terra scrunched her brow thinking about it. "Either," she said with a shrug. "I built up my walls after the incident. It's something I had practice with, I guess." When her parents had died, she and Jeremy were already dating. He had stuck with her, through the depression, through the nightmares. He was the only one to break through her walls. Or, maybe he hadn't broken through anything. Jeremy had found any secret passages she may have left in her defenses because he was there as she built them all. She supposed it didn't matter. "I was always a pretty private person. But then shit happened, and I built more walls. Then more shit happened, and I built more walls. The one person I was able to let in died, and I built more walls." Terra looked at Genkai, a pretense of a smile on her face. "You're easy to trust, I guess. No bullshit."
"There's always a little bullshit," Genkai said. "Come on. Back to the dojo."
For a group of all-powerful demons and highly spirit sensitive humans and a grim reaper, they were surprisingly easy to sneak up on. Terra hadn't planned on it. She had finished her bath and was headed to the dining room to ask if someone had made dinner or if they were eating leftovers again for the night. Their voices carried down the hall. At first, it was only indistinct mutterings. Then it was clear. They were talking about her.
The door of the dining room was open. Everyone still at the temple, minus Genkai and Yukina, was there. She saw them all huddled around someone's laptop – an internet stick popular among traveling businessmen flashed red where it plugged into a USB slot. Somehow, despite their crowding, Terra could see enough of the screen to make out what they looked at. She hadn't opened her Facebook account since leaving for the hiking trip with the boys that summer. Based off the photos up on the screen, they had scrolled pretty far into her history.
"Oh."
Botan slammed the laptop closed. All of them turned so fast she was surprised they didn't get whiplash. The eyes on her varied from guilt and regret, to pity and sorrow, to careful indifference. Keiko looked the guiltiest. The girl's eyes settled on the chain that dipped into the yukata she wore out of the bath.
"It's fine," she said, backing out of the room. "It's a public page. Can't be mad at you for something so... trivial."
It was a room full of some of the strongest people in any world, some of the fastest bodies and quickest thinkers. None of them moved a muscle or made a sound as Terra left them. She was around the corner by the time any of them thought to call her name. She didn't look back. Instead, Terra left the temple all together and found her way up to the roof.
She remembered the first time she had crawled up there. Terra's body had protested moving so much, but she needed the space, the air, the sky. It was a challenge, not fully recovered from a substantial injury, even with Yukina's help to speed the process along. Now, though, she could jump up almost as effortlessly as Genkai leapt to the top of a six-foot pole.
She sat further back on the roof than she normally did, finding a valley in the roofing to secure herself in. She could just make out the open area past the lip of the gutters, but she wasn't in plain sight if anyone stepped outside. Terra didn't delude herself into thinking they didn't know where she was. Despite accidentally catching them off guard earlier, they had senses that could find her in a heartbeat without ever needing to leave the temple.
Sometime later, Shizuru and Kurama left. They hadn't arrived together, but she supposed, at the very least, making the trip to the train station was better with company. Terra watched the goodbyes. Kurama's eyes flicked her way. It was nothing more than a passing moment. The rest of the party did her the courtesy of not watching for her. None of them may have known her very well, but at least they knew when she needed privacy.
They would have seen photos of her and Jeremy. In her head, she went over the different photo albums she had on her profile. She relived the memories of moments she shared with Jeremy and Conner, friends who hadn't stuck around, events and parties and fundraisers and all the things she had done as an ordinary college student. What was normal in a world full of demons? Her past didn't matter. Whatever version of her they were uncovering didn't exist anymore. Although part of her clung onto her past, she didn't think she would ever be the person in those photos again. All the things that happened to her changed her too much.
Not too long after Kurama and Shizuru disappeared down the mountain steps, someone joined her on the roof.
Terra pulled the collar of her yukata closer together and nervously thumbed the chain of her necklace before speaking. "I was surprised you were there," she said, keeping her eyes firmly on the tree line. "You don't seem like the gossip type."
Hiei said nothing as he came and sat next to her. The heat he radiated torched her side pleasantly in stark contrast to the cold shiver his energy sent down her spine. Terra held her knees tighter to her chest, the robe doing little to protect against the winter air. It was some time before either of them spoke.
"I had been in the room for different reasons. I do admit to being curious when the situation arose."
Terra nodded. She wondered why Hiei was so candid with her. It didn't make sense, to be honest with someone you didn't trust.
She thought about explaining to him why she kept her profile. Regardless of avoiding all internet after the summer's accident, Terra wouldn't have taken down her profile. Perhaps she should have bit the bullet and logged on, if only to turn it to private. Either way, Terra wanted to keep it for them. For Conner and Jeremy. Without her profile, she would never be able to go on theirs again. Terra didn't want to lose that. Maybe one day she would be ready to go through it, like a scrapbook. She didn't say any of this to Hiei. She doubted the demon even knew what Facebook was, or the whole concept of social media.
"What did you learn?" she asked.
He was quiet for a few moments. "Nothing of consequence."
Terra let out a humorless laugh. She shouldn't have expected Hiei to have cared about what he saw, despite his admittance to curiosity. A cold breeze rushed the mountain top and Terra's teeth clacked together. She should go in soon or risk getting sick from exposure. "I hate the cold," she muttered.
"Then why are you always on the roof at night when it's winter?" he mused with bitter words.
"I can bear it," she said, shivering against another gust of wind. "I'm no stranger to winter camping. I'm just usually dressed for it. I don't hate winter. I just hate being cold." Her teeth clacked again. "I'd rather be sweating bullets than this. I probably should have gone back to Australia. Never gets colder than wanting a light sweater."
Hiei made a sound like hn, a trademark note of his showing both acknowledgment and dismissal.
"Your energy makes me cold," she all but whispered into her knees.
Still, he heard it. Hiei studied the side of her face with sharp eyes that screamed of distrust and bemusement.
"It's not as sharp now," she told him. She had barely even noticed it in the last few days. "When I first felt your energy, I froze in my steps. There was such anger and rage that I felt as if ice was strangling my heart. It reminded me of how I felt after Yukina healed me, but without the soothing undertone. Your energy is like cold daggers, most of the time. It's how I always know it's you." Terra dared a glance at Hiei. He still stared her down, expression unchanged. "I know you're a fire apparition. I can feel the heat off you from here. But your energy…" she trailed off.
Terra tried to think of what to say, but nothing came to mind. Cold. Despite his fire, that's all Hiei was. Terra stood and brushed the snow off the back of her yukata. "I should be getting back inside. I'm not dressed for these winds." Terra made to leave. He let her go without another word.
X
Terra slept in, as much as Terra could, at least. She still had time to eat breakfast and get to the dojo before Genkai's set time, but the rest of the household was already up. She leaned against her door and listened to the voices down the hall. Botan's bright chirp pierced the air all the way from the kitchen. Terra didn't want to risk grabbing food until she had left. Her laugh bounced around the temple. It was annoying, to say the least.
"She's not likely to leave before lunch."
Terra jumped back from the door at the sound of Hiei's voice, low and slightly muffled from the barrier between them. She wondered how he even knew she was listening. Terra opened the door, but he was already gone. With a sigh, she headed towards the dojo, opting to skip breakfast.
It wasn't that she disliked Botan. Terra barely knew her. But she seemed the most likely to make a big deal about the whole Facebook thing. Botan didn't come across as someone who knew tact or when to let things go. The reaper was likely to pull a pity party Terra wanted to avoid.
The idea of running into Keiko was somehow worse. Out of all of them, Keiko probably understood Terra the best simply by being a girl, a human, and in love. Terra couldn't face that kind of empathetic heartbreak so early in the morning.
"It's not good to skip meals," Genkai scolded when she joined Terra in the dojo.
Terra was surprised when Genkai produced a bowl of rice with a strip of mackerel on top. "Thanks," she said, taking the food.
Genkai snorted. "Eat fast, but try not to throw up during training."
"Will do," Terra grinned.
Terra didn't know if anyone had told Genkai about the group's Facebook stalking, but it didn't matter much. The simple fact that Genkai didn't bring up why she had avoided the kitchen that morning was enough quiet understanding for Terra to accept.
"You know," Terra said between bites, "I like you." She shoveled more rice into her mouth before continuing. "Yusuke and the boys' club you've trained go on and on about you being some evil hag, but you're not. You're tough, true, but," she shrugged. "You're nice."
"Maybe I've just gone soft in my old age," she joked. "I should strand you in a cave south of the swamp and see how you handle it."
Terra nearly choked on her food. That sounded much more like Yusuke's stories. "I shouldn't tease you so much. I don't want you to try and kill me just to prove a point."
Genkai gestured for her to finish up quickly. "Come on. Let's get to it."
Botan had left by the time Genkai let Terra out for lunch. There was a bit of awkward silence as they all sat down to a meal. Tomio broke it quickly with a cry for his own meal. Yusuke's eyes followed his wife as she made a hasty exit.
"When are you guys heading back home?" Terra asked, breaking Yusuke out of his reverie.
"After we clean up lunch," he said, poking at the misshapen teriyaki. Apparently, Kuwabara had tried to help out and make the day's meal. "You guys are heading down with us, right?"
Kuwabara nodded, trying to talk with his mouth full. Despite his open-mouthed tendencies, Yukina still looked at her new husband with pure bliss. "Honeymoon, here we come!" he cheered.
Terra looked between the couple. It had only just occurred to her that the two of them would leave after the wedding. "Oh? Where are you going?"
"Australia," Yukina informed her. "Five weeks. We're going to see the Great Barrier Reef."
"It's wonderful this time of year," she told them. "Not too hot yet. You should enjoy yourself. Jeremy was from around that part of the country." Terra could feel the air stale around her. "It's fine, guys," she said, circling her thumb against the rim of her water cup. "Yes, it hurts to think about, but the time I had with him was nothing short of wonder. So, please, stop being sad for me. Okay?"
Yukina nodded and tried her best to smile comfortingly. Kuwabara and Yusuke still seemed unsure of themselves, but let things go. Terra was thankful. Their sad reactions only made things hurt worse. Jeremy had been the one to help her when her parents died. He had treated her normally, and he loved her. Terra didn't have the hope or the want to find somebody to love her now. But she did need those around her to treat her normally.
Terra stood and cleared her plate. "Enjoy your stay there," she told the couple. Terra passed Keiko on her way out. She said goodbye to Tomio, wishing his mother a safe trip home. She didn't give them proper goodbyes, stretching in the dojo while Genkai saw them off.
Five weeks.
She had only been at the temple for four weeks so far. Despite her little interaction with the rest of them, she had grown accustomed to Kuwabara and Yusuke's laughter and roughhousing or Yukina and Keiko's kindness. Yukina and Yusuke wouldn't be there to cook anymore, and while no Tomio meant no crying to keep her up at night, it also meant no peels of pure laughter that always had a way to bring her mood up.
Five weeks was a long time to be alone with only Genkai. And Hiei.