In the Wake of What Follows

Chapter Eleven: Push

Terra woke up from another nightmare, reaching out for a bed partner she hadn't had in half a year. She thought she had gotten used to it - being alone. She stared at her fingers, curled loosely into her palm, and thought of how his face would be pressed into the pillow. If he were here, she would be touching his cheek. Terra rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. Based on the light in her room, it was probably around three in the morning. She wiped at her eyes and sat up before finding her glasses.

The stack of books she had bought during her trip into town was almost finished. The latest story she was working through was some modern fantasy. A changeling learning that she's a fey. It was a trilogy, but Terra wasn't sure if she'd read the others. Not that the story wasn't good, but because her own life was a bit too fantastical that reading about mythical creatures was a little frustrating. When she tried to pick up where she left off, her eyes swam.

She let her head fall back against the wall. She was so tired. Too tired to read. Too tired to think. Too tired to do much of anything. Terra needed to get a good night's sleep. She needed to rest, but even as she tried to fall asleep again, her body refused. Terra was ready to cry out of sheer exhaustion.

It was sometime later that Terra pushed the blanket off her and got dressed. The moon was still high, sunrise hours away yet. She'd have some time to think, at least.

Kurama had left after dinner. He would return in two weeks for a check-up. They were told to call if Genkai's condition got worse before then, but it was the commentary about herself that kept pulling Terra's attention.

It was all speculation at this point, but if Terra's dream that night in the woods had been a warning, then it stands to reason Terra's powers were more like a territory than mere spiritual manipulation. It wasn't actually - not like those other human psychics who had attended the wedding. Their powers were unique and singular. Kuwabara was an exception in that he had already mastered the manipulation of his energy. When his territory grew, it became an addition to his current powers. He had lost all of it briefly as this new power was growing. None of the new psychics were ever able to manipulate raw energy - not even to the degree Terra was able to within herself.

The working theory was that - while dying for those brief minutes had granted her a heightened spiritual awareness - her unique style of sensing energy developed over the years as something akin to a territory. Her new awareness, coupled with the steady stream of low demonic energy seeping into the human world ever since the barrier came down, may have lead to psychics like her - hybrids of the traditional and the territorial. It just so happened Terra was the first they encountered.

Kurama had told her to let her powers grow naturally. If her energy didn't want to materialize outside of her body, she shouldn't force it. Anomalies couldn't be helped, he had said. In a land of demons and superpowers, Terra was the anomaly.

Always an outsider. Although she supposed it made sense. They still hadn't figured out what her "unique style of sensing energy" meant. Hiei was measured in terms of temperature. The horned demon was lightning. Kurama was the scent of flowers. They seemed to have nothing in common.

She grabbed her jacket, planning to pass some time on the roof. When she reached the front lobby, Terra heard Genkai's cough echo down the west hall. It wasn't as bad as before. She hoped Kurama's medication was working. Terra looped back to the kitchen and poured a glass of water. Genkai was still coughing when Terra knocked on her door. She didn't wait for a response before sliding it open.

"Hey, Granny."

"You're up late or up early?" she asked, accepting the water.

"Early."

Genkai nodded. Her wrinkled hands trembled as she brought the glass to her lips. She nearly choked on the water but was able to set it down on the nightstand with little trouble. "You should be asleep," Genkai scolded. "You need the rest. Otherwise, you're just going to hurt yourself with the training."

"You should be asleep, too," Terra reminded her. "Did Kurama leave a sleep aid?"

Genkai snorted. "Maybe I should make you take it instead."

"I'm fine," Terra told her.

"So stubborn," Genakai shook her head. Terra noticed her eyes drooping. "You're just like him."

"Like who?" Terra asked. She could have been talking about any number of people. Genkai didn't respond; she had drifted off to sleep. Terra pushed the water cup further from the edge of the nightstand before leaving.

Outside was cold, but the winter air was beginning to let up. It was harder to gauge at night, but spring was starting to creep up under the slowly melting snow. Maybe it was just Kurama's visit. He had told Terra that his powers were plant-based, and that may explain why she smelled dead flowers in relation to his energy.

If the dreams she had that night in the woods truly was a warning, then perhaps so was the scent and the chill of Hiei's presence and the lightning of the horned man. The only thing that didn't make sense was why Hiei would be cold when his powers were of fire. Perhaps it had something to do with his relation to Yukina, but he wasn't likely to talk to her about it. The horned demon couldn't be accounted for. He never got a chance to show off.

Terra thought back to the day she returned to the temple as she scaled the familiar path to the roof. Hiei's energy had been so harsh and sudden, it had stopped her in her tracks. He was colder than the snow under her bare hands or the wind that stung her cheeks now that the temple and trees no longer protected her. His energy had been cold and fierce. Something of her memory clicked together. She hadn't only walked past his room that first day - he had interrupted her lesson with Genkai. The granny had scolded Hiei for making her lose focus… because his energy was angry.

The energy may not have felt cold to Genkai, but both of them could feel the rage that fueled it. Hiei's cold nature had tempered with time. Somedays, it was so calm, lukewarm, that she couldn't tell it apart from the natural temperature of the room. That would account for how he'd been able to sneak up on her more recently. When he was angry, the cold shot through Terra like a drench of ice water.

The horned demon had wanted to hurt her, Hiei's energy had been volatile, and Kurama was racing towards her with his own fierce determination. While the latter two hadn't been directed towards her specifically, Terra might have been picking up on potential threats. Demon's whose energies were hostile were the only ones she had been able to pick up on.

The crunch of snow took Terra out of her thoughts. She wasn't sure how long she had been staring at the stars, mind racing. The surprise of Hiei's footsteps nearly knocked her off balance as she turned to look. Lukewarm. She could only feel it when she searched for it, but at least she could still find it.

He made his way over to her and took his usual seat. As he sat, the powder of snow under him turned into a puddle that then quickly evaporated. His body heat radiated against her side and she shivered as if her body only then realized it had been cold. He sat in silence, staring at the horizon. Moonlight spilled down the slope of his nose, making Hiei look surprisingly delicate. Terra had never really looked at Hiei. She was sure he felt her gaze, but he stayed still and quiet. His eyes shined like rubies in the night. He looked so young.

"What did you want to talk to Kurama about?" She hadn't had a chance to bring it up over dinner. Kurama had dominated the flow of conversation. Besides, Hiei hadn't been there. She wanted to know from him what had been so important.

Hiei snorted. His head didn't move as his ruby-red eye turned her way. "There you go again, thinking I would actually tell you anything."

"Because I'm a spy?" she said dryly, looking away. She couldn't keep her gaze on him when he returned it.

"Don't be a fool. You're not skilled enough to be a spy," he sniped.

"Isn't that what a spy would want you to believe?" Terra asked, a smirk rounding out her cheeks.

"I don't trust you because you've done nothing to earn it. Even if I could read your mind, it wouldn't change that fact."

That caught Terra's attention. She furrowed her brow and turned her head to face him. "Why did you say it like that?"

"Like what?"

The emphasis on could made it sound like Hiei had tried. As if Hiei were capable of reading minds, but somehow not hers. It wasn't a power of his she had been privy to before, if that were the case. Kuwabara had mentioned a creepy eye on Hiei's forehead, which was wrapped under a white strip of cloth, but no one had said it was linked to psychic abilities.

"Can you read people's minds?" she asked, alarmed.

"What I can and cannot do is none of your concern," he hissed.

It was enough to make her drop it for now. Hiei never answered when pushed. She toyed with the chain around her neck and tried to calm her now racing heart.

"Why do you take care of her?"

Hiei's question startled Terra. She yanked on the chain a little too hard and the charm came untucked from her shirt. He looked at it briefly, but no interest held in his eyes. Hiei always managed to catch her off guard. She never knew what his quiet mind was thinking.

"Genkai needs the help, and I'm here living in her house, eating her food. I feel like I should be giving back. She's taken care of me, so I'm taking care of her."

"Obligation?"

Terra shrugged. "Most people do acts of kindness out of obligation. Although, I'm sure I feel more obligated to do things than you do, more likely to indulge in those acts of kindness. But I also like Genkai. I want her to be okay." Terra thumbed at the charm that looped around the necklace chain, and a pang of deep-seated guilt washed over her. She stared down at the point where her knees touched, not seeing much of anything. "Maybe you're right. Maybe you shouldn't trust me."

"Because you've done something?" he asked. His tone of voice surprised her. She couldn't tell if he was serious or mocking her. It almost made her laugh, but then the black hole of her thoughts drew her back in.

"Kurama doesn't think Genkai will make it much longer," she said, tucking her necklace back under her shirt.

"He never said that."

"He didn't have to." Terra sighed.

"You blame yourself." It was a simple statement, one that she couldn't deny. "I know you didn't poison her."

It was almost comical, the fact that it was something he might have been looking out for.

"No, I didn't." Terra looked back at him, a desperate need to feel like she wasn't crazy the only thing to make her speak. "Have you ever felt like you were cursed?"

The way Hiei's shoulder's stiffened and his energy pulsed like an icy wind told Terra she had struck a nerve. He turned to her. Moonlight haloed his hair like the crests of distant ocean waves. Without the light hitting his eyes, they were like pools of blood and Terra trembled under their attention.

"Why would you ask that?" he asked, a warning growl lacing his words.

Terra clutched at her necklace. The hard cut of the stone dug into her palm even through the fabric of her shirt. "Sorry," she said on reflex. "I shouldn't have brought it up. It doesn't matter."

"Why would you think yourself cursed," he pressed, "or that it would affect the old woman?"

Terra thought about telling him, but the words stuck in her throat like a ball of wax. "You know what? No. I know I promised I would be transparent if you asked me questions, but I can't tonight. You keep so many secrets from me, secrets about myself with how you talk to the others behind my back. And I know nothing about you."

That wasn't wholly true. Hiei had opened up, once. About the demon who had given him the cuts on his chest, the one who had died. He hadn't told her much, but he had told her something - something real. Even still, she didn't want to give more of herself, her fears and failures, to Hiei.

"I can't do this tonight. I get to keep this to myself."

"Then why bring it up at all?" he snapped.

"I don't know," she admitted, shoulders slumping in defeat. "I don't know why I ever expect something different out of you. Apparently even reading my mind wouldn't be enough to trust me, so what's the point in telling you anything?" She wasn't expecting a response, and she didn't get one. It only served to boil her blood more. "Why are you even training me? You told Genkai you wouldn't. You two had a stare off and you changed your mind. Why?"

Hiei huffed and returned his attention to the forest.

She waited. Terra would have taken anything as a response, if only he would talk.

"Fine," Terra said, standing. "We'll keep this professional. I'll see you in the dojo after breakfast."

Terra made her way back to the ground. When she looked up, she could make out the ends of Hiei's feet poking past the roof's edge. It was the first time he'd so blatantly stayed there after meeting her on the roof. If Hiei really could read minds, but not hers, Terra was glad. If Hiei was as frustrated in trying to understand her as she was him, Terra felt a little vindicated in it all. Fucker.

"He's going easy on you," Genkai huffed when Terra collapsed next to her futon.

"Easy?" Terra groaned. They had graduated from learning how to wield the naginata to actual combat with the practice weapon. She knew Hiei was going deathly slow with her, but it was still nearly too fast for her to keep up. Nothing about it was easy. "How can you even tell?"

"You're still walking," she laughed.

Terra rolled her eyes. "Am I, though?"

It took a lot of brainpower for her to track Hiei's movements and block when he swung. More often than not, she wasn't quick enough and Hiei whacked her. Bruises were already beginning to show and her legs felt like jello.

"You made it all the way here, didn't you?" Genkai snorted. "And with lunch, no less."

Terra handed over one of the measly bowls of rice she had managed to scoop before making her way to Genkai's room. "Yeah, I slaved over that. Be grateful."

"If you were doing combat training with me, you wouldn't be moving right now," she huffed.

"If he worked me harder, here you'd be without lunch," Terra retorted, still bitter at how Hiei had dismissed her.

She wasn't able to see any opportunities to attack, even when Hiei apparently "made it obvious" as he often growled at her when she missed her chance. There was just too much to pay attention to. Hiei had eventually knocked her to the ground - pole to her throat. "Even against a human, you would have died," he had said, eyes burning in abhorrence. She had pushed the stick away and sat up, spitefully snapping, "And yet I'm alive." He hadn't given the harsh retort she was expecting and left her on the ground without another word.

"He's been moodier than normal," Terra complained. "Ever since Kurama left, he's been treating me like even more of a waste of time than before. Which is, frankly, impressive."

Genkai laughed, a deep crackling sound that quickly divulged into a cough. "He's trying very hard to appear disinterested. It's pretty fucking funny from my perspective."

Terra rolled her eyes and contemplated eating her own bowl of rice. The idea turned her stomach. "I still don't get what's so interesting about me."

"Other than the mystery of your powers?" Genkai prompted, knowing it was a point of contrition for Terra. "Hiei needed a distraction. You're proving a good one. And if he's going to bother with you at all, he's going to want to know all he can - all the while claiming he doesn't care in the least." The way Genkai spoke told of many past variations of the same dance. "Get me the X-box controller, will you?"

Terra stared mournfully at her legs for a moment before pushing herself into standing. "Don't push your luck, I might not bring you dinner later," she teased.

"You're going to bring me dinner because you're the one who wants to keep me under bed rest," Genkai reminded her with a sly grin.

Terra laughed. "You got me on that one."

Later, as Terra took her afternoon beating from Hiei, it seemed even harder than before to keep up. He instructed her to let her energy flow with her movements - another element of the mock combat to concentrate on. He would aim for where she had forgotten to fortify her body with her spirit. Her heels often got clipped by the wooden shaft because she didn't boost her speed in time.

"You're getting worse," Hiei taunted.

Terra struggled to regain her stance. The weight of the pole dragged on her muscles. "I'm tired," she admitted. "We've been at this all day."

Usually, the training was split. There was learning the new stances that came with each form of fighting, and there was meditating. Often the meditating also consisted of strength endurance and testing her ability to boost her stamina with her spirit, but now everything was combined. It was taxing on her mind, body, and spirit.

"You wouldn't be in such bad shape if you rested properly. A mere human like you needs more time to recover, and you're not taking what's given." Hiei came after her again, eyes tracking her sluggish movements with disdain.

She parried as best she could, a sharp slap against her wrist for the trouble. "You think I don't want to get more sleep?" she winced, shaking her wrist before regripping the pole. "Believe it or not, I came here with the hope of getting over my nightmares." It hadn't worked so far. Only a few times had Terra collapsed from exhaustion and had a dreamless sleep. "I'll sleep when I'm dead. Which, hey, might not be too long from now if we keep this up."

Hiei tossed his pole aside, the wood clattering against the dojo floor. It startled her and she nearly dropped her own pole in response. Terra worried this was a trick of some sort. He'd attack her regardless of weapon.

"What is your purpose?" he snapped.

"Excuse me?"

"Did you come here to learn to fight, or did you come here to escape your pathetic excuse of an existence?"

Terra held the pole closer to her body as if it could shield her from the sting of Hiei's words. "Who are you to ask me that?"

"Who are you at all?" he countered. "I at least know myself, my morals, my limits." Hiei circled her slowly, an intimidation tactic that worked. "You're a hypocrite. You claim you want to get better as you continue to speak as if you were better off dead. So what is your purpose? Why do you bother living when you so clearly have no care for your life."

His knack for catching her off guard only seemed to increase the more they spent time together. The muscles in her arms twitched as she held the pole too tightly and too close. Her breath had gone hollow like a ghost living in her throat. Then she found her rage.

"How dare you. How dare you talk to me as if you know me or what I've been through or what I'm fighting," she spat. Despite Hiei's hostile tone, his energy was still a calm lukewarm. He was angry, but his pushing was like play-acting. He was trying to get a reaction out of her, and it was working, which only pissed her off more.

Hiei flickered - moving so fast her brain couldn't follow. Then he was in front of her. Her head burst with a rush of pain.

"Are you trying to get into my head right now?" she snapped. "Is that what that is?" If Hiei was the cause of so many of her headaches, she was going to find a way to kill him.

"All you do is hide behind your walls and lie to yourself," he said, eye teeth uncovered by his snarl. "Why do you train?"

"I don't want to be weak!" Terra yelled, her emotions like waves breaching the storm walls during a hurricane and flooding out. Months of suppressing all her hurt was finally too much. Tears threatened the back of her eyes.

"You will always be weak!"

"Shut UP!"

He could have dodged her. Hiei could move so fast he could avoid her every advance if he wanted to, but he stayed put as Terra reached up and pushed. The moment her hands made contact with him, something with the weight of the world and yet as light as air on the tongue escaped her. They both gasped. It was like static shock without the electric build-up or touching open flame without the heat - startling and unsettling and not quite describable. With a silent scream, Hiei fell to the floor.

He clutched his chest where she had touched him. For a moment, they stared at each other. Neither knew what to make of what just happened. Hiei tried to stand but was paralyzed with pain. His cry of agony was like glass shattering and snapped Terra out of her stupor.

"Genkai!" she cried, afraid to leave Hiei in this state but knowing she couldn't do anything to help. Terra backed out of the dojo, her eyes on Hiei writhing on the ground until she finally had to look away. She raced towards Genkai's room, calling her name again. Hiei had seized not unlike the demon with horns - the one who had bitten her - the one who had died.

She couldn't be responsible for this.

Oh god - she had just been thinking she would kill Hiei. She hadn't meant it. She hadn't wanted to -

"What's the racket?" Genkai demanded, stepping out of her bedroom before Terra could reach it.

"I did something. It's Hiei."

The stricken look on Terra's face was enough to stir Genkai to her full strength. The old woman sped through the winding temple to the dojo so easily no one would assume her to be assigned bed rest. Hiei was still on the floor, clutching his chest. His teeth ground together as he tried to hold back another scream.

"What happened?" Genkai asked, a steely calm coming over her. She methodically pried Hiei's hand from the point of contact.

"I don't know," Terra babbled. "I don't know. I was arguing with Hiei and I got mad and I pushed him and I don't know."

Genkai lifted Hiei's shirt. A fresh burn the shape of her hands bubbled up on his already marred skin. "Fascinating," Genkai muttered. Her hands glowed a pale blue as she ran them over Hiei's chest. His muscles relaxed first, then his breathing evened. Finally, Hiei was able to unclench his jaw and let out a sigh of relief, although he didn't open his eyes.

"What did I do?" Terra whispered.

Genkai continued working over Hiei - the hand-shaped burns receded and healed before her eyes. "It looks like we finally discovered why your energy wasn't manifesting physically," Genaki smirked. She seemed almost proud. Maybe even impressed. "Here you were giving her a weapon to keep her distance in battle," Genkai laughed, talking now to Hiei. "When her true strength comes out when they get close to her."

Terra's stomach bottomed out. That was the curse, wasn't it? That's what she had been so worried about for ages. The people closest to her always got hurt. That limitless potential of energy that had flowed through her now only added to that. Anyone who got too close, literally, was in danger of her.

Even someone as strong as Hiei.

When Genkai pulled her hands away, Hiei sat up and pulled his shirt back down. His eyes found hers in an instant. Terra had expected more of that anger or irritation. She had expected his energy to send a chill down her spine. She waited for his retaliation, but it never came. Hiei looked at her with new eyes.

"You transferred energy into him," Genkai said. "Had you hit a little higher, you could have damaged a chakra nerve and done some serious damage. Looks like you can't make your energy a weapon because instead, you're full of venom."

Terra's legs trembled. She was a snake in the grass. Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under it. This was wrong. She hadn't meant to be the serpent. She hadn't wanted to bite.

"Well, that's at least something I can work with," Hiei said, coming to his feet.

"How can you take this so lightly?" she snapped. Terra understood that Hiei was a demon and plenty familiar with fighting, but he seemed too calm for the situation. The look he gave her spoke volumes of how foolish he still thought her.

"Tomorrow, we focus on your hand-to-hand," Hiei told her. "Get some proper rest before then."

He marched out of the dojo, a wayward glance Genkai's way as he passed. Genkai nodded and turned to Terra. "I have some books on the chakra system. You'll need to study."

She hadn't even come to terms with what had just transpired, what her energy had done, and they were already onto a new training module, having course-corrected now that they knew what her powers were. Every time Terra thought she was getting a handle on things, her world shifted yet again.