In the Wake of What Follows
Chapter Thirteen: Leave in the Middle
"TERRA!" Kuwabara's voice boomed through the temple. She had been in the kitchen preparing lunch when the giant oaf barged in, three bags on his back. He dropped the luggage and pulled Terra into a bear hug.
It took Terra a few moments to reorient herself, surprised by the sudden affection. "Hi," she said with a bit of a laugh. Before the honeymoon, she hadn't spent all that much time with Kuwabara. Sure, they often ate meals together, but everything was winding up for the wedding, and he had other things on his mind. It wasn't like Terra tried to socialize much anyway. It was a bit odd to be swept off her feet by a welcoming hug, but she supposed it was just Kuwabara's good nature.
"I'M BACK!" he shouted gleefully, right into her ear.
"I can see that." Terra swatted at his bulky arms and he let her go.
Yukina walked in with her small purse at hand. "Hello, Terra. It's nice to see you again." Her smile was brilliant and she gave a little bow as if she were visiting Terra's home and not returning to her own.
"How was the honeymoon?" Terra asked, taking a bite of her sandwich.
She would have offered to make them something, but Kuwabara was already neck-deep into the fridge, scarfing down leftover tempura. Terra shared a look with Yukina, both of them having a laugh at Kuwabara's expense.
"You were right, Terra. Australia was lovely," Yukina beamed. "I so enjoyed the atmosphere. It was quite different than anywhere I had been before. Calming and lively."
Terra made sure she didn't have a mouthful of food before replying. "That's great," she smiled. "I'm glad you two enjoyed yourselves."
Kuwabara finally shut the fridge door - a pile of food in his arms. He set it all on the little side table and then did a double-take looking at Terra. He narrowed his eyes. "Since when do you wear glasses?"
Terra picked at her sandwich, the western-style bread a little soggy from having been kept in the freezer. "Since I was twelve. You never see me wear them in the morning?" Kuwabara shook his head. It made sense. She normally put her contacts in first thing. "Well," she continued, "I stopped bothering with contacts since Hiei is making me train blind. Less likely to get a headache from eye strain with the glasses." Even with Hiei no longer pushing to read her mind (that she could tell), Terra still got frequent headaches. Lack of sleep was the number one cause. Anything she could do to lessen it, she would.
"No shit?" Kuwabara seemed impressed. "I could tell walking up here you've gotten a bunch stronger. Didn't know the shrimp was training you, though."
Terra frowned. She didn't want to be the one to break the news to them - especially not so soon after getting in. "Genkai got sick your first week gone. I forced her into retirement," she said. She'd explain the rest later. "Then she forced Hiei to take over. It's been rough."
"Ah, you're fine," he said before shoveling food into his mouth.
"Did you not eat while you were gone?" Terra joked.
Yukina's light laughter filled the room. Terra wondered if Hiei was nearby to hear it. "Kazuma is always eating like that, isn't he."
"Do you want anything?" Terra offered. "There might still be food let in there."
Yukina shook her head. "I'm alright, thank you. Although I would like to visit Genkai. I do hope she's okay."
Terra wondered if there had been a shift in her energy levels since the pair left them. Was it possible for Yukina to know, even from here, how much Genkai's health had deteriorated? "Kurama's been in to check up on her," she told them. "I think she's sleeping."
"I'll be quiet then," Yukina promised before heading for Genkai's room.
Terra took another bite of her sandwich, standing at the counter while Kuwabara dominated the little table. Terra laughed at the sight of such a tall man hunched over so much food, just packing it away like he had never had a proper meal before. Kuwabara stopped eating for a moment and set down his bowl, chopsticks sticking out of the rice precariously.
"You know," he said, before pausing to choke on the food in his mouth. He took a second to clear his throat and get it all down before pointing at her. "I don't think I've ever seen you like this."
"With glasses?" Terra thought they had already established that.
Kuwabara shook his head and gave her a serious look. "Happy." He shrugged awkwardly, and Terra took the moment to try and process the shock of his statement. "Your eyes always used to gut me with how sad you were."
"Sorry," Terra said, feeling guilty for making someone as joyful as Kuwabara feel bad over her personal issues.
He waved her off and continued eating. "It's fine. You were hurting, so no one expected much different. But after we, uh, sorry, creeped on your Facebook and saw those photos of you? It was obvious how much everything had changed you," he said with his mouth full. He swallowed what looked like a painful amount of food and smiled. It was quite comical and enough to lift some of the tension from her shoulders. "I'm glad you're starting to feel better."
"Yeah," Terra agreed, lost in her own thoughts. The realization that she wasn't a complete mess at the moment was an odd one. She tried to scroll through her past and uncover the moment she started to be happy, but she hadn't even noticed. Genkai's health was still weighing her down, and nightmares still plagued her sleep, and she still missed Jeremy more than she could imagine, but Terra thought maybe Kuwabara was right. She was something akin to happy.
"Did something happen when we were away?" he asked, pulling her out of her musing. A smirk played on his lips that Terra couldn't puzzle out.
"What exactly is that supposed to mean?"
He shrugged and shook his head, turning his attention back to the pile of leftovers. "I don't know. Maybe you're a masochist and like training with Hiei."
Terra stretched her leg out to kick his knee gently. "Oh, shut up. I'm covered in bruises under all this spandex, and it's less than pleasant."
Kuwabara threw his head back and laughed. Terra was afraid he might choke again, but he had it under control. A red welt at the lower part of his neck caught her attention as his movement pulled it past the collar of his shirt.
"What's that?" she asked, pointing to her own neck.
Suddenly, Kuwabara's face began to match his hair in color. "Oh, um," he said, tugging his shirt up a bit. "Demons have this thing. When they chose a mate. They sort of, um," he seemed to be having a hard time getting it out.
"They sort of what?" Terra pressed, her pulse picking up. If that welt was what she expected it to be… then…
"Mark them," Kuwabara admitted sheepishly.
Terra swallowed the lump in her throat and resisted the urge to grab her arm. "Yukina did that to you?" she asked, forcing a suggestive smirk to throw him off from her inner turmoil.
If possible, Kuwabara's face got even brighter. He cleared the table in less than a second, throwing what he hadn't eaten back into the fridge. "Gotta go. Need to unpack, do laundry, make sure Genkai's okay." He gathered the bags he had dropped earlier and scurried out of the room.
Terra's laugh petered out once she was alone. Blood was ringing in her ears. That's what the horned demon had tried to do. Mark her. Claim her. He'd said something about making her his. She took a deep breath. It didn't mean anything. It couldn't. He was gone. He was gone.
Terra threw out the rest of her sandwich and headed straight for the dojo. Routine would calm her fraying nerves.
Genkai's cough was a horrid hacking sound that cut through the walls. Everywhere in the temple, the noise could be heard. It was the dead of night and Terra was already awake. She raced to find the old woman doubled over in her fits, each breath a quick rasp before another onslaught. Kuwabara, Yukina, and even Hiei had joined them by the time Terra was able to get Genkai to drink some water and lie back down. It was laced with a sedative and Genkai soon fell back to sleep.
"She looks too pale," Yukina whispered when they were all left watching the unsteady rise and fall of Genkai's chest.
"Kurama said he'd be back tomorrow," she reminded them. The others had all been contacted, but Terra didn't know when they planned to arrive.
Terra was studying in the tea room, not having gone to sleep at all, when she felt Kurama's approach. It was even more potent than the first time she caught whiff of him. The scent of roses and sickly sweet death made her head spin before she was able to push it to the back of her mind.
She didn't spend too long thinking it over. Her mind was focused on Genkai. She went to meet Kurama, but was quickly dismissed and shut out from Genkai's room. Even when Terra began training with Hiei, she couldn't get away from the image of Genkai's frail body jerking with those hacking coughs. It flooded her mind every time the sound reached them, which was almost always at this point.
Hiei knocked her down again and Terra tore off her blindfold in frustration.
"I can't do this right now," Terra snapped, getting to her feet.
"You have to be able to fight no matter what emotional state you're in," he said as she found her glasses and slid them on.
Terra looked the demon in the eye, their striking red no longer alien and unsettling to meet. She tried her best to calm herself, but she couldn't seem to unclench her jaw. He stared at her blankly, irritation underlying his features. Then it shifted - a moment of shock and confusion let his mouth fall slack and brow raise. It was so quick, Terra wasn't sure she had even seen it despite never taking her eyes away from him. The demon looked away. It wasn't unlike many of their roof time chats where he was warring with himself on how to respond to her prodding questions. When Hiei looked at her again, she imagined his eyes seemed softer somehow.
"What?" she asked, suddenly self-conscious under his gaze.
Genkai coughed again and Terra looked towards the door - a silent plea to be dismissed. Kurama and Yukina were taking care of Genkai, and she wouldn't be allowed in right now anyway, but Terra didn't feel right just going about her day when Genkai was so unwell. When Terra had caught Kurama around lunchtime, she didn't even need to ask. Yusuke and Keiko would be up by nightfall, and if Shizuru could make it, she'd be with them. It was the end of the month. They were coming to say goodbye.
"We're going again," Hiei said.
His face was just as cold as before, whatever softness she thought she saw gone. Terra wondered briefly what had crossed his mind. Maybe she was just imagining things. She sighed and put her glasses back down and retied her blindfold. It would take less energy to fight than argue.
"Hey, Granny," Yusuke said, rubbing his nose a little too vigorously. "How you holding up?"
Genkai had stopped coughing, but her breath was still quick and shallow. She didn't look well, but she managed to bark at her old student. "I'm fine, you dim wit."
Everyone had gathered in her room. Yukina sat by Genkai's side and refilled her cup of water. Keiko stood by the window with teary eyes next to Shizuru. Kuwabara, Kurama, and Terra all hung back as well, watching Yusuke speak with his mentor. Hiei stood alone, leaning against the doorframe.
Genkai wasn't fine, and they all knew it.
"Well, you're doing a hell of a job showing it. Look at you, you can barely sit up," Yusuke teased. Genkai went to slap his arm, which he gladly endured.
They were all in bad shape over Genkai's health, but it was worse to see Yusuke's pain. Yusuke was a cocky, boisterous mess, always laughing and yelling and never downhearted. Even Terra could see the change in his demeanor. It was hard to watch him as he tried to hide his emotions.
Terra needed to get away from it. She stalked out of the room, brushing past Hiei with a furtive glance. Genkai was in good hands, and they didn't need her there.
It wasn't long before Keiko and Shizuru followed. "We should get dinner ready," Keiko suggested.
Terra accepted the distraction. The three of them worked diligently to prepare something for the whole crew. Somehow, once dinner was ready, and they had stretched out over the long dining table that hadn't seen use in weeks, they were able to get into higher spirits.
Yukina had been the last one to stay with Genkai, but returned before the meal started. Hiei had taken over for her. For a moment, Terra was surprised that Hiei would care enough to help out, but then scolded herself on the matter. Of course Hiei cared for Genkai. He would also want Yukina to be happy and with the rest of the group. He may be ruthless, but he cared about those close to him.
Almost immediately, Yukina told Keiko and Shizuru about her honeymoon, a loving smile sweeping across her face. It had lightened the room instantly. From then on, the conversation became almost as cheerful and rambunctious as usual when the lot of them sat down together.
At the moment, Terra was trying her best to hold back a laugh at Kuwabara's flaming cheeks.
"Shut up, Urameshi!" he hissed. "Not in the presence of the ladies!"
Of said ladies, Terra was the only one who had caught onto their conversation.
"Oh, come on, Kuwabara," Yusuke snorted. "One of them ladies gave you that mark, remember." If possible, Kuwabara's face grew even redder. "I can at least control my demon instincts," Yusuke continued. "Yukina must be an animal." The last part was said just under his breath but with a wicked smirk.
"You guys are so lucky Hiei isn't here," Terra muttered. She didn't think Kuwabara heard; he was still sputtering over Yusuke's comment.
Yusuke paled at her words. A beat later, he whipped his head his way and gaped like a fish. "You know?" he hissed under his breath.
Terra shrugged. "I honestly thought the family resemblance was obvious," she whispered back. She looked back at the other girls. They seemed too engrossed in their own conversation to notice theirs. Terra turned back to all the boys and spoke at a softer volume. "I have to be curious. Yukina doesn't seem like the dominating, bitey type."
"Terra," Kuwabara whined and covered his ears.
Kurama cleared his throat to gain her attention. "I, too, would advise not to tempt the wrath of Hiei."
Terra smirked and held her hands up in mock surrender. "You're right. He might actually break my bones during training." She pushed her hair out of her eyes and contemplated the safety of her follow up. "Yukina and your relationship aside," she pressed on, "how exactly does this whole mark thing work?"
"Perhaps it is best I explain when certain blushing parties aren't present," Kurama said, nodding to their newly marked friend.
It didn't give her answers, and she wanted to push to settle the knot in her stomach but relented nonetheless. The promise of a later conversation would have to do.
Genkai's cough cut through the lull in conversation and the mood sombered quickly. "She's really not doing well, is she?" Keiko asked sadly.
"No," a new voice cut in, "she isn't."
Everyone in the room turned to the door where the newcomer stood. Although Terra had never seen the man before, he was easily identifiable thanks to his distinct dress. Behind Koenma was Botan, head down and sulking. A drastic difference from her bubbling personality at the wedding.
Yusuke bolted to his feet. "Alright, pacifier breath, what the hell are you doing here!"
Terra was shocked by Yusuke's sudden hostility. Most stories of Koenma were said with a sort of neutral fondness. Friends, although not to the degree of the others in the room. To act so brashly went against that, unless there was a reason Terra didn't understand.
Koenma sighed and let Yusuke grab him by the collar.
"Yusuke, I don't think-"
"Shut up, Botan!" Yusuke snapped, eyes fixed on Koenma. "I want you to fix her! I know you can do it."
The spirit prince shook his head. "I'm afraid I can't do anything for Genkai. We already did what we could to make sure she lasted until you could all say goodbye."
Terra looked to Kurama. He must have communicated with them in some way. That was his guarantee for the end of the month. Koenma was doing them all a favor.
Kuwabara rose to his feet to join Yusuke in his outrage. "You mean, you knew this was going to happen!"
"Boys, please," Botan begged, wishing her friends would calm down. "Not even we can always predict when someone is going to die. We simply made sure her illness wouldn't get too bad before Yukina and Kuwabara returned."
"Then push it back further!" Yusuke shouted, a trail of spittle stretched between his teeth.
Koenma, for his part, remained calm. "Genkai's already been given a second life," he said, words steady and final. "She can't be given more."
Yusuke let go of Koenma's shirt and looked away from everyone. After a moment or two, Keiko reached her hand up and intertwined her fingers with her husband. The silence in the room was heavy.
"Yusuke, we've known this was coming," she said, so soft and kind. It was amazing that these two fit together so well. "Yukina and I made funeral arrangements months ago. It's all very simple, but-"
"You did what?" Yusuke asked, jerking his hand away. His eyes were wild, like a wounded animal. Terra felt his pain like a stab to the heart. "Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourselves," he yelled. "Why in the hell are you so prepared!"
Keiko stood, tears streaking her face. She slapped Yusuke clean across the cheek. "Because Genkai made us!" she yelled right back at him.
Everyone stared at the two for a moment before Terra calmly got to her feet. "I'm going to talk to Genkai," she said. She tried to keep her pace even as she made her way out of the room. Terra brushed past Koenma and Botan, who moved out of her way silently. With her back still to the room, she spoke.
"We all care for her. It's best to know the difference between a wound that can heal and one that cannot. Genkai's dying. I suggest you all stop treating her like she's going to make a miraculous recovery and remind her how much you love her. It may be your last chance. You're lucky you're getting one."
Her knees nearly buckled during her last step out of the room. The reality of the situation was harsh, but it was true. They were lucky. They were lucky their loved one lived so long. That she was dying of old age and not something that struck her down before her time. They were lucky they got this goodbye at all.
Terra slid the door open to Genkai's room. Hiei was perched on the windowsill, eyes up at the night sky through the overhanging branches of a nearby tree.
"If you would, I'd like to be alone when talking to Genkai," Terra said.
He nodded and hopped to his feet. They caught each other's eyes as he walked past, but neither lingered there, and he left, sliding the door behind him.
Genkai was lying in her bed, light coughs jerking her head as the breath moved from her lips. Her eyes were closed, but Terra knew she was awake. Terra sat by her side and replaced the towel on her forehead. Genkai's eyes fluttered open.
"No need to baby me," Genkai said, voice barely audible.
"There's every need to baby you, Granny," Terra replied. For a minute, the two didn't say a word to each other. "Why did you train me?" she finally asked. "You asked me back, and I never understood what you found in me that was so special."
Genkai's cracked lips curved into a smile. "Providence," the crone rasped.
"You're saying it was fate?" Terra asked skeptically. She didn't believe that things happened for a reason. The world was random; otherwise it wouldn't be so cruel.
"I had been wishing for one last adventure. And then you showed up. More spirit energy than the average human, and an awareness for it that couldn't go unnoticed."
Terra shook her head. "That's not providence," she insisted. Genkai wouldn't have promised to train her for something as trivial as timing when there were probably hundreds if not thousands begging to work with the master.
"It could have been one of your friends that lived and not you. I wouldn't have trained either of them. But you," she set her eyes on Terra, and for a moment, it was as if all of Genkai's strength had returned. "I decided to train you for you. Never forget that."
Terra nodded. "Sorry I wasn't much of an adventure."
Genkai shook her head. "You were. You are. Adventure stories are only fun while they last. All of my adventures have ended. But I can see the beginning of things in you. I'm happy to leave in the middle of the story."
"Even if you never find out the ending?" Terra asked.
"Being in league with the spirit realm has its perks," she said with a sly grin. "Trust me, Terra. I won't miss anything."
Terra's throat was dry, the kind of parched that came from holding tears at bay. "Thank you," she whispered. "For everything."
Yusuke was leaning against the wall outside when Terra left the room. His demeanor was still rigid and upset, but he gave Terra a weak smile when their eyes met. In silence, the two nodded their heads and passed each other - two lonely ships in the night. Terra looked back when the door to Genkai's room shut closed. She hoped he would be okay, when all was said and done. Or even just for the night.
She passed the next day.
Botan cried the most. While she wasn't the reaper to collect the soul, the gang knew Botan could see more of Genkai than the rest.
Terra stayed in the kitchen, keeping herself busy preparing everyone meals and ignoring the fact that it had happened altogether. People came in and out, helping her or eating food or merely wanting to share in the quiet. No one was in the mood for conversation.
"I suppose we could have the funeral tomorrow," Keiko said in a sad voice. "Everyone's here that I would know to invite. Anyone else who wants to pay their respects will come by when they can."
Kurama nodded. "Yes, it would be unlikely anyone in the makai would be able to make it, even if we pushed the funeral off for a week or so."
It was already late in the day, but since Yukina and Keiko had made most of the preparations already, it would be easy to begin tomorrow. Decided, they went to tell the others, leaving Terra alone again.
She had managed to avoid training for the day. Perhaps even Hiei didn't have the energy for their regular routine. Without it, however, Terra felt numb and confused. This had been the most time she was ever given to process someone's passing. Genkai was old and sick, and she died surrounded by people she loved, and it was peaceful in the end. All the people Terra had cared about died tragically, suddenly, bloodily… Terra was used to shock, fighting through fog to remember events and come to terms with them. The sense of loss she felt now was different, but still so great she could hardly bear it. There was a heaviness in her chest like that of a black hole.
Terra covered the dish she had made with plastic wrap and placed it in the fridge for someone to eat later. Without thinking too much, Terra left the kitchen and made her way to her room.
Despite living at the temple for a few months now, Terra's room barely looked lived in. Her clothes were folded nicely in her dresser or crumpled in a sweaty pile that was her laundry, with the exception of the dress she had worn to the wedding. That blue number was on a hanger hooked over a nail in the wall. On her dresser were Jeremy's notebook and her iPod. There was a small stack of books next to her futon. No other belongings. No little touches that made it hers, per se. Her bed was obviously slept in; she never bothered with preparing it in the morning unless she was really truly bored. Still, with as little possessions as she had, it took her two hours to pack her bag.
She didn't need to wait for everyone to go to sleep. It had been a long day. The two married couples in the building had retired by the time she was done packing. The girls were exhausted, and their husbands were more than willing to fall asleep by their sides early that night. Both Botan and Koenma had returned to the spirit world until tomorrow. Without knowing where the others were, Terra hitched her pack over her shoulders and headed out. There was a hushed conversation between Shizuru and Kurama going on in the kitchen, but they paid her no mind as she passed by.
Then in the front hall, Terra slipped on her shoes and walked outside.
The cool night air helped shake her from the stupor she had been in the whole day, but it didn't last. Only two days ago had Kuwabara pointed out that she was doing better. Terra had believed it then, but now she felt just as much of an empty shell of a person as the day she arrived. She took a deep breath and let the underlying scent of spring fill her. Nothing seemed real.
"Where are you going?"
Terra didn't turn to look at Hiei. The stairway path leading down to the main road disappeared into the darkness not far from where she stood. It was the only thing she could focus on. "I don't know," she told him. "Away."
The air around her grew warmer as he stepped by her side. "Why?"
"What's the point in staying?"
She could feel the fire demon's stare on her. Terra turned her head to match his gaze.
"What was the point in you coming here in the first place?" he challenged.
Terra bit at her bottom lip, trying to find an answer in the fog of her brain. "Genkai made me think there might be something for me here. But she's gone. And it's not like you want to train me. You don't have to keep that promise to her."
Hiei turned away. The way the moonlight hit his face was transfixing. The pale light reflected off his red eyes like rubies. Terra forced herself to look away and began walking again to the top steps.
"So you're just going to give up?" he asked, matching her stride.
"I gave up a long time ago," she sighed.
"I don't believe that."
Terra stopped and turned to him again. "What do you want me to say, Hiei? That I'm now spurred with a righteous passion to finish what I started? That this is an experience to make me stronger? It's not. It's just another person dying as soon as I start to think of them like family."
Hiei stared at her for a long time, but said nothing. Terra turned away and continued down the steps. She didn't have the patience for this. A hand wrapped around her wrist and Terra almost lost her balance being jerked backward. Terra had gained a lot of strength in her training, but she was no match for Hiei's grip.
"What?" she spat. "Why do you care if I leave or not?"
There was a moment where Hiei parted his mouth, face open and candid enough to possibly give her a straight answer. Then he snapped it shut. Whatever was going on in Hiei's head would stay there. He let go of her and headed back to the temple.
"You could respect her enough to at least stay for the funeral," he tossed over his shoulder.
Terra watched him retreat back inside. She knew she could leave now and he wouldn't stop her. No one would stop her if she took her things and never looked back. No one would come for her out in the world, even if they thought about it. For what seemed like forever, but couldn't have been more than two minutes, Terra stood there like a deer in headlights. Her two feet on different steps, Terra looked back down to the path leading to the bottom of the mountain.