In the Wake of What Follows

Chapter Eighteen: Fever

"You should be sleeping."

Terra sighed and kept her head buried into her knees. The stars were bright tonight, and the air a mellow chill of mid-spring. It had been a few weeks since Hiei joined her on the roof. She had been hoping he wouldn't. The fresh air was the only thing holding her together.

"Head hurts."

Training hadn't gotten any easier.

Hiei's burning warmth settled next to her. It calmed her a bit, but she couldn't bear to open her eyes. "Your barrier's stronger," he told her. "The pain is temporary. It's how you grow."

Terra huffed, a hollow laugh. "That's bullshit. I'd be superwoman by now."

Hiei didn't say anything to that. The two of them sat on the roof as Terra breathed through the pressure inside her skull. She wondered, not for the first time, if all of this was worth it. Terra had no intention of becoming a real fighter. Not like Hiei or Yusuke or even Kuwabara. She doubted she'd ever need this skill. The idea of a demon digging through her mind was unpleasant, but she couldn't help but think about the chances of it happening after leaving the temple.

"Why do you join me up here?"

Terra hadn't planned to ask that question. She hadn't expected to even talk, and yet the words were out of her like they belonged in the night between them. Five months at the temple, and this was the first time she'd ever brought it up. Maybe she asked because she was closing in on her last chance to know.

The dull rustle of wind through the trees and unsteady chirp of crickets filled the background until Terra finally opened her eyes and looked at Hiei. He was watching her. Eyes like rubies, gleaming with starlight, fixed on her like a hawk to a mouse. It had been a long while since Terra had been afraid of Hiei. There was no cold shiver down her spine, no spike of his energy to warn her away. She wasn't quite sure if this was fear, but the intensity of his gaze caught her off guard in an unsettling way.

"Do you wish I didn't?"

The non-answer only increased her puzzlement. How was she supposed to make sense of that?

"No," she told him, unable to look away. It was funny. Only moments before Terra had hoped her time on the roof would remain in solitude. They didn't always share the roof. There might even be times Hiei came up here when Terra did not; she wouldn't know. But, no. When Hiei asked her point-blank, she was glad he showed up when he did. Terra smiled through the pain at her temples. "I appreciate the company from time to time."

Hiei snorted and looked away. "You're delirious. You need sleep more than I realized."

"Are you sending me to bed?" she laughed. "I won't be able to sleep anyway."

Hiei stood and looked down at her, literally and figuratively. "Pain is only temporary if you treat it. You fight through pain to push your limits and grow. But if you don't also learn how to conserve your strength, you will have nothing left to fight with."

It was a strange way to tell Terra to take care of herself. Genkai would just bark at her for her bad habits. Hiei had shown himself capable of caring for others. Terra was surprised to have that care directed at her.

"So, you are sending me to bed."

Hiei continued to stare until Terra also stood. She stretched and yawned. She was tired. It was just she could never quite fall asleep for long. "Maybe you could knock me out again," she suggested. It had been a while since the time Hiei had calmed her mind and let her rest a full night through. She hadn't dared asked for it again. But she was tired, and her head hurt, and Hiei was right. When they worked on combat training, she was doing worse because she wasn't able to rest.

"You'd have to drop your barrier again," Hiei said. Then, with speed she couldn't track, he was gone.

Terra contemplated just sitting back down and wasting more time on the roof, but decided to at least try and sleep. They had spent so long building up the wall around her mind she wasn't sure if she knew how to take it down again, so she guessed Hiei wouldn't be able to help her this time.

The rich aroma of Yukina's cooking stirred Terra's stomach in the worst way. Terra barely ate two bites of her toast before setting it aside. She could feel Yukina's disappointed frown directed at her. Yukina hadn't been as vocal as Genkai about Terra's eating habits, but she quietly tried to feed Terra more whenever the opportunity arose.

"My stomach really doesn't feel good," Terra said before Yukina could try and urge her into finishing her breakfast.

"Sometimes that's due to lack of food," Yukina reminded gently, plating the bacon she had been frying. "I've hardly seen you eat all week. And Kuwabara said you almost took a stumble when joining us for lunch yesterday."

Terra had been in the tea room, studying. Or, trying to study. Her head hurt so much these days from the mental training with Hiei that she had a hard time focusing on the words in front of her. She lost track of time, eyes closed and breathing through the discomfort, so Kuwabara had come to check on her and make sure she ate lunch. The world had spun briefly when Terra had tried to stand. Her legs might have given out a bit. But she was just tired. "I'm fine," Terra insisted. "Really. I got a few good hours of sleep last night. And Hiei and I are only doing mental fortitude training twice a week now. It was just a tough hangover from the day before."

Yukina picked up a slice of bacon with her chopsticks and placed it next to Terra's half-eaten toast. "Your body needs it. Please?"

Her stomach really didn't feel well, but she ate the bacon regardless. It was hard to say no to Yukina. The small, pleased smile from the other woman could melt hearts.

Terra excused herself, abandoning the toast, and headed to the tea room to study some more. She was almost done reading all the books Genkai had given her, and a few more Kurama had supplied about demon physiology a while back. They'd come up with a grocery run Terra had skipped out on. Before she reached the tea room, however, Hiei stepped before her, nearly giving her a heart attack.

"Jesus fuck, Hiei." She put a hand against her racing heart. He was close enough that the heat from his body tickled her skin. Terra took a step back and shook off the shock. "What?" They weren't supposed to train until the afternoon. He rarely disturbed her in the mornings.

"Enough studying. Come on." He turned on his heel and marched toward the dojo.

"Wait. Hiei!" Terra raced after him, agitated. She hated when he pulled stunts like this. "What are we doing?"

"You can't learn to fight through books," he threw over his shoulder, not stalling his steps any. "You need to practice using your energy."

"I thought we've been doing that?" She'd spent months honing her energy, moving it throughout her body, letting it flow through the custom weapon like a third arm.

"No. You need to practice using it," Hiei snapped. "All the reading in the world won't teach you how much or how little to push into a demon to make them burn. Knowing the chakra paths won't help you until you know how your energy will block them. You need practice."

"Well, sure," Terra said, jogging a little to catch up. It was true she couldn't know those things until she did them, but it was irrelevant. "But who am I supposed to test that on?"

Hiei looked over his shoulder as they reached the dojo, a flat look across his face. He was calling her an idiot without even talking. She was used to that by now.

"Me."

He slid open the dojo door and walked inside. Terra didn't follow.

"What?"

Hiei explained what he wanted her to do and gestured for her to step inside. Terra stared at Hiei, dumbfounded. Her head felt like it was actively imploding on itself, and now she had to process whatever stupid words had come out of Hiei's mouth. She blinked, and her head hurt worse, and there was still nothing in what Hiei was saying that made sense.

"You're more of a fool than I thought if you can't understand basic instruction."

"You're telling me to harm you on purpose."

"I'm telling you to practice." Hiei sounded bored already. "You've studied enough. You need practical application."

Terra rubbed at her eyes and took a deep breath. "And what? Genkai's not here to heal you this time. I could seriously hurt you. And you, what? What. Want me to do this to you multiple times."

Hiei snorted. "Would you rather I go out to the woods? Find one of the demon beasts, a hapless animal for you to torture to test your powers?"

She snapped her eyes up to meet his and tried to push past her headache. "What? No!" She wasn't going to torture an animal, even if it was a demon.

"So we're agreed. Come on."

"Torturing you isn't a better option, Hiei. I'm not doing this." She turned to leave. Before Terra could make it to the door, Hiei beat her to it. He leaned against the frame, expression dull.

"Are you afraid?" Hiei asked. "You honestly think you can hurt me that badly?" Hiei smirked.

Terra laughed, hollow and a little crazy. "I don't know, Hiei. But I know it did hurt you before." She rubbed at her eyes. Flashes of memory filled in behind her closed lids. The horned demon in the alley, choking on her blood. "Listen, my head hurts. I'm not going to fight you. I'm going to take the day off."

"You expect to be stronger without fighting?" He pushed off the door frame and stalked closer. "You don't want to be weak, but you're not willing to risk anything to grow."

"You can't rile me up again," Terra said. "I'm not going to push you in anger. You can't make me."

"You're pathetic," he spat.

"And you're insane." She closed her eyes against a sudden dizziness and let out a long exhale to steady herself. "If you want to spar, we can spar, but I'm not using my energy on you."

There was a moment of silence, hesitation on Hiei's part. When Terra opened her eyes again, he was looking at her strangely. "Stop messing around," Hiei said, voice low and unnerved. "Pull yourself together and fight me like you mean it for once."

Terra was tempted. When Hiei got on her nerves, it was easy to imagine wiping the smug look off his face, but she didn't want to hurt him. Not like that. Not again. She'd never do that on purpose. She pressed her hand against her throbbing temple and gritted her teeth. "Are you trying to get into my head again?" she snapped. The world started to tilt and swim. She could have sworn she saw Hiei frown.

"No," he said firmly. "I'm not."

Terra took a step backward and her knee gave out. The world disappeared for a moment, a flash of black clouding her vision. A rough grip caught her before she hit the floor. Hiei's eyes were a blur of red, like distant stoplights cutting through the pitch-black night.

She didn't feel so good.

Terra stirred under the cooling touch of a wet washcloth against her forehead.

"She worked herself sick."

Kuwabara?

Terra shivered.

"Why do you cover her in blankets if she has a fever?"

"Oh, man. Uh, you gotta burn out the fever. But if it's too high, then you gotta ice the body to force the temperature down."

"That doesn't make any sense. Why don't you just heal her?"

"I can only help with injuries and sometimes pain, Hiei-san. Nothing is in need of mending. This illness must be treated the human way."

Terra wanted to open her eyes. Tell them she was okay. She was fine. She could get up and go back to training. She could…

'Sleep.'

The soft hush of Hiei's voice in her head lulled her into rest. It was dark out when Terra's eyes fluttered open. She would have sworn no time had passed at all.

She was in her room. In her futon, under a few layers of blankets. It took her a few moments to pull the memories of that morning together. Hiei must have put her to bed.

"So you're awake?"

Somehow, Terra wasn't surprised to hear his voice. She turned her bleary eyes to the windowsill and made out his blurry form resting in a patch of moonlight. Terra reached blindly for her glasses. Someone had set them by her bedside.

"You fainted," he commented, walking over.

"I figured." Terra sat up. A towel fell from her forehead she hadn't noticed before.

God, this was so embarrassing. Terra shivered violently. Without really thinking, she reached up for her necklace. As she touched her bare skin, she remembered the ring was tucked away with her few belongings. Her skin was hot. Terra touched her cheeks and forehead.

"Kuwabara says you have a fever," Hiei said. "He forced some syrup down your throat."

She was having a hard time listening, too focused on breathing. Deep, slow. In. Out. She felt like she might faint again. She felt like she could sleep for days. She wanted to get back up. Maybe if she had just agreed to Hiei's training, she would have been able to keep going.

Terra tried to push her blankets off.

"Stay," Hiei commanded. "Kurama's ordered you bed rest until he can come check on you himself."

She blinked a few times to adjust her sight on Hiei. Terra wanted to protest. She was fine. Somehow, though, when she opened her mouth to speak, all she said was, "You know how to use a phone?"

Hiei huffed. It was almost a laugh.

Terra shivered and gave into the need to curl up into the pile of blankets. "Mm cold," Terra muttered.

Some time must have passed without Terra noticing. There were voices. Terra kept shivering and burrowed her face into her pillow. Huh. She wasn't wearing her glasses. When did she take them off?

"I'm telling ya, if the cold medicine I got didn't work, all we can do is help break the fever."

"How does making her warmer stop her body from burning itself?" Hiei's voice reverberated in the room, a growl of irritation.

"Look, I may not be a doctor, but I've been sick loads. It's a fever. You gotta sweat it out. If her temperature hits 40, we'll have Yukina cool her down and get Kurama to come over faster, but otherwise, this is it."

Terra shivered again in her bundle of blankets. Hiei growled.

"Get out."

"Hiei-"

"Get. Out."

Terra pried her eyes open. They felt glued together, tacky with sweat and heavy with sleep. Kuwabara stepped out and the door closed behind him. Hiei turned around and she could feel his eyes on her face.

"You look like shit," he told her.

"Thanks." Her voice was scratchy and raw, hardly a whisper. This sickness had crept up slowly but was gripping her tightly. It was hard to keep her eyes open.

"So don't."

"You in my head?" she murmured.

"Shut up." The growl in his voice was gone. It was surprisingly soft. He was silent for a moment, standing next to her bedside. "Humans are so weak," he muttered.

"Demons don't get sick?" Terra asked. It seemed like an impossibility of physiology that a living creature was incapable of getting sick.

He didn't answer her question, but she didn't mind. She hardly remembered asking it. Calloused fingers brushed back the bangs that clung to her forehead.

"I cannot tell how high your fever is," Hiei said. "Does it really work? To burn a fever out?"

Terra nodded, leaning into the touch. "You're warm," she sighed before another assault of shivers wracked her body.

"Fine then."

She didn't understand why he sounded so inconvenienced. He didn't need to be here. "What are you doing?" Terra asked, words muffled into the pillow. Hiei pulled her blankets back and lifted her into a seated position. "Hiei?"

He wrapped his arms around her; chest pressed firmly against her back. Despite the fire of Hiei's body, she still felt cold.

"Burning out the fever." His words brushed across her ear.

She shivered in his embrace. The heat wasn't enough. It was too much. Too much, and she needed more. She wanted to curl into his chest and hold on tight, never let go. With every shake over her body, he seemed to raise the fire in his blood until it was as if flames licked her skin. Terra stopped thinking. The fever was strong. She reveled in Hiei's warmth until she fell asleep.

Terra wasn't quite awake. She wasn't sure she wasn't just dreaming, either. Warm arms held onto her. For once, her head didn't hurt. There was a faint scent of roses in the air.

"I'm surprised at you, Hiei." Kurama's voice lilted melodically like a faraway song. "You've grown quite fond of her."

There was a low rumble that vibrated at her back. "I'm not fond of anything." Hiei's voice was so close, closer than even the times he spoke inside her mind. "Humans are weak. I don't know how you could choose to live as one."

Kurama chuckled. Footsteps grew closer. "Whatever you say, Hiei." A light touch of fingers brushed her forehead that Terra pulled away from. She shivered into the warm arms that held her. "She doesn't look well."

"You think we called you here for vanity's sake?" Hiei sneered.

"I need you to let her go so I can take an accurate temperature."

Terra groaned as she was jostled in her bed. The warm arms let go of her and Terra shook with the sudden cold air against her sweat-soaked clothes. A hand grabbed at her wrist, thumb over her pulse.

"You didn't have to leave," Kurama chided. He kept speaking as he checked her vitals, although no one ever responded. "I must admit, this show of care if beyond what I ever expected from you. Although, it's interesting how many similarities you two share. I can understand why you've grown attached."

Was he talking about her? Terra tried to think through the thick fog of her fever. She heard the words Kurama spoke, his soothing tone easy to latch onto, but she couldn't quite follow what he said.

A fresh towel was placed on her forehead.

"It is curious, isn't it?" Kurama's voice carried on. "The way things come to be…"

When Terra woke again, eyes no longer too heavy to open and head clear of static, daylight poured into her room. Kurama sat by her side.

"Good to see you with the living," he chuckled, setting down the book he had been reading to pass the time.

"It wasn't that bad, was it?" Terra asked, voice hoarse.

Kurama's patient-doctor smile was a little patronizing. "You were asleep for two days."

Terra sat up, groaning in frustration and also with how disgusting she felt. Much like the first time they met, Kurama gently forced her back down. She pushed the blankets off of her and pulled her sweat-drenched shirt away from her body. "I just wanna shower," she pleaded.

"Just rest a bit longer," Kurama said. "To ease my mind. How long have you been feeling ill?"

Terra sighed and thought it over. It was hard to say. "I don't know. Was getting headaches from training. Made it harder to eat."

Kurama sighed. "Your blood sugar is extremely low. So are your iron levels. You starved yourself, Terra."

"I didn't mean to," she whined.

"Regardless. I brought up some protein shakes that I want you to start supplementing your days with," he told her. "And I've instructed Yukina to make sure you finish all your meals, which she will be preparing for you. You can't live off toast and rice."

Terra sighed. Her stomach wouldn't be happy, but she nodded anyway. This wasn't healthy. She knew that. She needed to be better.

"I'll go get you something to eat now if you're feeling up to it."

"I need a shower. And to burn this futon. I managed to turn it into a whole new ecosystem."

Kurama chuckled. "Okay, then. I'll have food once you've returned from cleaning up. We'll get you a new futon so that this one can be washed."

Terra finally rolled out of bed and gathered her things for the bath once Kurama left. She was dying to feel clean again. Terra wished they had a western shower, but the cold water she poured over her body still felt like a blessing. She let the muggy mess of her body wash away. Terra lathered and scrubbed until she felt like a person again.

She forewent the soaking tub, not wanting to overheat now that her fever was broken. It might have felt good to relax a bit more, but for now, she was getting hungry.

As she stepped out of the bathing area and into the room with her robe and slippers, Terra caught sight of herself in the mirror. Without her contacts, her figure was blurry, so she stepped closer. The scar from the demons on the mountain was darker than the rest of her skin, wrapping from the small of her back to her bellybutton. She traced it lightly with her fingers, as she sometimes did absentmindedly through her clothes. It had been almost a year since she got it. Almost a year since Jeremy died.

It cut through her tattoo.

The jagged edges of rehealed flesh distorted the image of a willow tree. It was like her, in a way. Cut down, yet still standing. Twisted and mangled yet still the same tree that had been inked onto her side.

Her other tattoo had been untouched by her accident. Nestled in the groove of her pelvis next to her hip bone, the simple design was just low enough to avoid the scar. The compass rose was supposed to remind her to find her own path. She got it so she wouldn't be lost, always have something to help guide her. It was stupid. You can't follow a compass that never moves. That should have been the tattoo to be ripped in half, not the tree that stood to mourn her parents.

Terra stepped away from the mirror and pulled on a robe and made her way back to her room. It had been a long time since she had been alone with those particular thoughts. She hurried down the hall as if she could run away from them.

Once back, Terra threw on a sports bra and some underwear. As she dug around for a clean pair of shorts, the door opened.

"Pardon me," Kurama said once he saw her state of undress.

"Oh, please," Terra snorted. "It's nothing you haven't seen before."

Kurama stayed still for a moment, tray of food in hand. She pulled on some shorts and looked back up at him. A stern look was etched deeply into his brow.

"I believe you're wrong. There is something I haven't seen before."

The tone of his voice caught Terra off guard. She paused in her quest to find a clean shirt and faced him fully. "What do you mean?" she hedged.

Kurama set her meal down eyes carefully fixed on Terra's arm. She looked down. The bite mark of puckered skin was extra bright after her fresh bath. "Terra, how did you receive that mark?"

Terra touched the scar self consciously. Her arm was riddled with pockmarks, scars from the car crash leaving white specks and thick knitted skin all across her left side, but there was something shameful about the bite mark.

"Terra," Kurama pressed, "when were you bitten? That didn't happen on your hiking trip."

The distinct note of restrained urgency in his voice had Terra's mind reeling. She had meant to ask, so many times, about marks. She had wanted to know what that demon had tried to do to her, but she hadn't wanted them to know. The little bits of information she had gotten from Hiei and the others wasn't enough to get a full understanding, but she had let it go. There were other things to focus on. But now, the way Kurama stepped forward with caution, had Terra regretting not demanding answers sooner.

"Why do you sound so worried?" Terra asked, a growing hysteria building behind her breastbone.

Hiei appeared in the doorway, eyes wide and searching. "Bitten?" He must have heard Kurama from wherever he had been. His eyes landed on the bite mark on Terra's arm. In an instant, he was by her side. Her fingers were pried away from where she tried to hide the scars and Hiei inspected it closely.

"Hey!" Terra jerked at Hiei's grip, but he held her still.

"Who was the demon who did this?" Hiei growled, a spike of cold energy chilling Terra to the bone.

"It doesn't matter," she told them, tugging her arm again.

"Yes, Terra, it very much does," Kurama said, coming closer. "They could be-"

"It doesn't matter because they're dead," she snapped. Both men stilled, eyes fixed on her in equal amounts shock and curiosity. "I killed him."

Hiei stared at her, silent, mouth a flat line and eyes barring emotion. He didn't let go of her arm. Kurama stepped closer still and spoke softly, gentle, his doctor tone mixed with how one might approach a wild animal. "When did this happen?"

She couldn't look away from Hiei's stern face. It was blank, no tells giving his thoughts away, and yet Terra had never seen him carry so much emotion. "About a month before I came here. It was the horned demon. The one who felt like lightning. He bit me-"

"He marked you," Hiei spat.

"It killed him. I killed him. Whatever he did. Whatever he was trying to do. It backfired. He died. That's when I knew I had to take Genkai up on her offer. I didn't know what my spiritual powers were doing or what they were capable of. I needed to learn. Be in control."

Hiei finally let her arm go. He tossed it aside with enough strength she stumbled a few steps. "You're an utter fool. This is something you should have told us from the start."

Terra pursed her lips. They didn't own the rights to her traumas. "I may accept that you and your friends have slaughtered countless demons, and that maybe I'm even glad some of them are dead, but I'm not like you. I killed someone. I wasn't ready to face that."

"You selfish, stupid, insignificant human," Hiei snarled, anger so massive inside him that it turned her veins into ice. "This isn't storytime for children. You could have been a spy and not even known."

"I- what?" Terra looked to Kurama for answers, but his face was forlorn and withdrawn. She turned back to Hiei, but he was gone. Her heart was racing like a jackrabbit. "Kurama, what did he mean?"

It was with careful deliberation that Kurama took a seat next to the fresh futon. He was settling in for a long conversation. "I believe, Terra, that it is time you learn how marking works."