In the Wake of What Follows

Chapter Nineteen: Parting Words

Terra pecked at her food long after her stomach told her not to. Every time she set the meal down for too long, Kurama paused in his story and did not resume until she tried eating again. She knew she needed the nutrients, but more than that, she needed to know about how demons marked others.

"Demons are advanced from humans in many ways," Kurama had started with. "And yet we are also very primal in nature. Not all demons are bloodthirsty, but a desire for chaos and carnage is not something we typically try to temper within ourselves."

Terra hadn't understood what this had to do with marks, but she stayed quiet and let Kurama explain how he saw fit.

"We live our lives in worlds of extremes. Demons seek out what satisfies their need for adrenaline and excitement. Some fight and kill. Others enjoy it as a spectator's sport, much how humans will watch boxing or, I believe, race cars. Some demons may steal; others may try to gain power and status. For many, these needs overlap. We are not unlike humans, only that we may go to further than your kind are capable of. But, we are not just extreme in our violence. We are also extreme in our love."

Terra nearly choked on her stir fry. "What does love have to do with some freak biting me in a back alley?" she asked skeptically once her airways were open again.

"A twisted bastardization of our biologies," Kurama sighed. "Demons live a long time. We find partners and leave them. But when we find someone we wish to be with, truly, it is often referred to as a desire too intense to ignore, and we mark each other.

"What a mark should be is a transfer of energy. A demon will push a part of their core energy into the other. The energy they leave is a marker of their claim. Fellow demons will know that you are, in a sense, mated. Much like humans wear rings around a particular finger. Each demon is supposed to mark the other, but it is more than a sign of connection between the two. The mark lets them, in a way, always be together with the one they love."

It turned her stomach. She could put together what Kurama wasn't saying.

"When the mark is mutual, as it's designed to be, demons can know of their partner's whereabouts, their emotional state, if they're injured. If the mark is one-sided, however, it can be a bit more insidious."

"But Yukina and Kuwabara -"

"Are mutually marked. It may not work exactly the same way, as it's not natural to humans physiology. We've yet to see how it will last between them, and the process for Kuwabara was different than for Yukina. As I said, demons are primal despite their advancements. It's why the mark occurs as a bite. I believe Kuwabara simply pressed his energy into Yukina with the proper intention, although perhaps 'simply' isn't the way to put it. It may be the first-ever occurrence of a human returning the mark, so there was some level of risk, for both of them. This was a matter Yukina and Kuwabara discussed as seriously as they did marriage. Kuwabara chose to trust Yukina with his whole being. As one must, if they cannot make their marks mutual."

"Can you just stop being so foreboding and tell me the straight facts," Terra snapped.

"Will you eat another serving once we're through?" Kurama asked.

Terra grit her teeth but nodded. "Just tell me, okay!"

"When the marks are mutual, it cancels out a certain aspect of the energy transfer. If there's only one mark, then the demon can have a bit more… control over the other."

"And what the hell does that mean?"

Kurama frowned, eyes on the bite mark on Terra's arm. Terra wasn't sure what she disliked more, his collected doctor mask of false serenity, or when he showed his true emotions as they talked.

"It means they could… force you. To do things. It's how slave trades are run in the makai. It's no longer about love, about binding two souls. It becomes about power over the other. Someone could have been controlling your actions. And if they were clever, you might not have even known. You could have been gathering information or planting a trap."

Terra laughed, a hollow sound. "A spy." All of Hiei's ridiculous accusations could have been true.

A chilling thought tore the breath from her lungs.

It was still a possible reality.

"I didn't see him die," Terra said in a panic. "I- he- the demon was choking. There was something wrong, I could tell. It wasn't what he expected, but I took the chance to run. One of his friends told me. I was told he died. I don't actually-"

"Terra," Kurama's voice cut through her rambling. "Terra, calm down."

She was breathing too fast. Her head spun, a little dizzy. She still wasn't completely recovered from her fever.

"If there were any trace of that demon, Hiei would have found it just now," Kurama told her.

The burning touch of Hiei's grip on her arm still lingered. "How?" she asked. "If none of you could tell in the five months I've been here, how would he now be able to tell?"

"Because he was looking," Kurama said confidently.

Terra shook her head. "That, that still doesn't make any sense. You said, you said they leave a part of themselves to broadcast their... their claim."

"It's energy they can still manipulate. They can choose to mask the claim, if they have the skill to."

"How… how could Hiei tell it was a mark and not just a normal bite? I mean, some demons might use their teeth to fight, right? How would Hiei be able to tell if they...?" Terra gripped a hand over the bite mark and shuddered. Hiei was right. She was so stupid. She should have told them right away. But maybe she hadn't because… because someone was stopping her from telling them. Maybe, all this time, she was being controlled.

Kurama reached over and placed his hand over hers where she gripped her arm. She flinched but didn't pull away. "Terra, please understand." He took a moment for her to calm down. "If the demon were still alive, and if he still had even a trace of his energy in you, Hiei would be able to see it, in a way. His Jagan is very powerful and could seek out any anomaly in your natural energy signature."

Terra took a deep breath and looked towards her closed door. Hiei had run off and not returned. She wondered if he was listening in on all of this. She frowned and looked back at Kurama. "So, what does all of this mean for me?"

"It means you're lucky your psychic energy is a poison to demons. I believe it's the only reason you weren't properly marked by this rogue you ran into."

It made sense. It's a conclusion Terra had come to in the past. She must have pushed her energy into the demon when he bit her. Still, she had so many questions.

"But, he's dead, and I'm fine, right?"

Kurama's doctor smile was back. She made up her mind. That was worse. She'd rather know how fucked she was than know she was being lied to.

"Yes, I believe you are," he said.

"I'm very reassured," Terra said, pushing aside the rest of her meal. Kurama pushed it back towards her but she didn't pick it up. She thought about what Kurama had told her. It did seem as if she were fine; the mark hadn't affected her. Her mind supplied her with something Hiei said, though. A few months ago, when Yukina and Kuwabara came back from their honeymoon, he had been so angry. "Hiei said that… Yukina would carry a part of herself that was dead because she'll outlive Kuwabara."

Kurama nodded. "Yes. If you leave a part of yourself in another, and they die, it dies with them. You will always feel a part of you to be missing."

Hiei had said it would be torture. He claimed never to have marked the woman he was with before, but Terra wondered if Hiei had ever been with someone else that way. Or maybe he had lied about Mukuro. She'd probably never know, one way or the other. She supposed it didn't matter.

"Eat," Kurama reminded her.

Terra took another bite of stir fry, chewing slowly as she mulled over all this new information. It didn't change anything, not really. She hadn't actually been marked. And thanks to her unique psychic energy, no demon ever could mark her. It had been a scare, but nothing more.

Terra finished her last bite and carefully set her chopsticks down across the empty bowl. She didn't look up, too lost in thought. Too afraid of answers.

"Will you tell me what you're hiding from me?" Terra asked, barely above a whisper.

"I'm not-"

"You are."

His mask had come back up when Terra asked if she was alright. She didn't think he outright lied. But there was something he wasn't telling her. Kurama looked away, eyes fixed on nothing in particular as he thought things over. All this time, and he still had to weigh his options in what he was willing to reveal to her.

Kurama dropped his doctor face. His eyes were a bit sad, a bit wary.

"Terra," he said, locking eyes with her. This was serious. She hadn't been this nervous in some time. Terra wished she hadn't eaten all of that food. "You are fine. The mark didn't take.'

"But?"

"But you've been targeted by demons, more than once. It's quite likely you'll be targeted again. Demons who see that bite will know what it is, even if it's not active. Between that and your strong psychic energy, which has only grown since you've trained here…"

"They'll continue to come after me," Terra surmised. She took a deep breath and held it a few counts before slowly letting it out. "I'll never be free of this."

Demons would find her. They would always continue to find her. Terra had been pulled into this world like a moth to a flame, foolishly pulled to danger, unknowingly following a path to worse fates. Now that she was stronger, she could defend herself, but it also made her stand out among other humans.

"They might see you as a challenge, or an exciting… interest," Kurama told her.

"I chose to train here so that I wouldn't be afraid," she said, slowly threading together her thoughts. "You're telling me, all it accomplished was putting me on the radar of more demons?"

"No." He was firm in this. "You are strong, Terra. Stronger than you realize. And you have a skill that will protect you."

"But you worry. That demons may come after me now. More than they already did."

Kurama eyed the bite scar that was still uncovered to the world. "It is a likely possibility."

Terra had nothing else to say. She still hadn't figured out what she was going to do once she left the temple, but it seemed like a life of normalcy was out of her reach.

"Come," Kurama said, standing and taking her empty bowl. "Let's get you some more food."

Something felt different. Terra couldn't quite put her finger on it. As she was confined to her room and not allowed to train, Terra noticed a shift, so subtle she wasn't quite sure if she was making it up. It was likely she was. Even with the fever gone, her body was still weak. Her mind was a bit foggy, and sleep was ready to take her under again. Still, though, Terra couldn't ignore the itch under her skin that something had changed without her noticing.

The moon was out tonight, full and pouring silver light into her bedroom. She was restless from a day's worth of bed rest. The night sang with owls and crickets and the distant crash of ocean waves and even further off sounds of trains splitting through the silence. Terra had never been one for stargazing before coming to the temple, but she was so accustomed to sitting on the roof for hours on end that it felt odd to stay inside when restlessness stirred within.

She hadn't realized until then that, despite all her years hiking mountains or camping in the outback, Terra yearned for the freedom of nature. She wanted to be a part of that, the earth, the wildlife. She was never meant for the city. It was calming, in many ways, to finally understand that part of herself.

As careful as she could, Terra slipped outside with silent steps. Despite her weakened state, it was easy to climb onto the roof. Months of practice and kilos of new muscle made the task as simple as standing on a chair.

It was still quite chilly at night, this high up on the mountain, but there was a current of early summer warmth that brought with it the scent of fresh blooms from spring. The forest was alive, and that thought no longer scared her. Or maybe that was the fever talking, she smiled to herself. Maybe she was just too delirious to be afraid.

Her smile faded quickly. That wasn't true. She was terrified. There were so many new things to fear. She was just sick of it. She wanted to be okay. She wanted to be strong.

She wished Hiei would join her. Not for any one reason. It wasn't that he made her feel safe or better or calm. It was that… Terra frowned further. It was that…

"Terra!"

She jumped out of her skin. She hadn't noticed anyone approaching. There was no cold energy or fiery heat. Because it wasn't Hiei. Terra looked over her shoulder with a guilty expression. Kurama stood on the roof, arms crossed and eyes sharp.

"I should have expected you to make your way to your favorite hiding spot."

"Is it a hiding spot if everyone knows where I am?" she asked.

"It's cold out," Kurama scolded her, "and you're still recovering from a serious fever."

"I know," she sighed.

"Do you consider this taking better care of yourself?" Kurama prodded. Terra hunched into herself, crushing the turmoil that stirred inside her chest. "Come on. Let's get you back to bed.'

"I don't need a babysitter," Terra grumbled.

"Clearly, you do," Kurama said, unimpressed. "Now, are you going to come willingly, or shall I have to resort to force?"

Terra stood. She took in a deep breath. The chill night air felt good against her still-warm skin, but she knew it could make her sick again. "Okay, fine. Sorry, Dr. Minamino."

Kurama snorted, a graceless sound out of his delicate features. It was amusing. Terra climbed down, and Kurama escorted her back to her room. It was in the hall that it hit her. She knew what was different. Terra tripped over her own feet. Kurama caught her elbow to steady her, but she shook him off, eyes staring at the door to the room before hers.

"Terra?"

She hardly heard him.

Terra pulled open the door and was greeted to an empty room. It looked no different than the few days she had spent in it the summer previous.

"Hiei's gone?"

She turned to Kurama, watching for confirmation, hoping maybe Kurama knew something she didn't, that he was just out for the night or -

Kurama was no longer protecting her from his emotions. The look on his face told her more than she wanted to know. "I was going to tell you in the morning," Kurama said. "Hiei's chosen to return to demon world. He's going to spend his remaining months before the tournament training."

Her heart sped in her chest and she couldn't quite determine why. "So, he's too good for goodbyes?" She remembered the time Hiei stopped her from sneaking off in the middle of the night without saying a word. But, of course, the rules didn't apply to him. Terra pressed the palm of her hand against her eyes, pushing up the frames of her glasses. She was too tired for this.

"What time are you leaving tomorrow?" Terra asked. Kurama had made sure to have time to stay the night in case her fever returned, but she knew he'd have to get back to the hospital soon.

"The morning. Not too early," he told her. "Nine, perhaps."

Terra nodded. "Right." She stalked over to her own room and pushed the door open. "We'll have time to talk, then."

She didn't let Kurama have time to respond before shutting the door behind her.

Kuwabara was valiantly trying to cheer his wife up over breakfast when Terra came out to join them. She hand managed a fair bit of sleep, even after how long she wrestled with her thoughts in bed. From Yukina's icy disposition that morning, it was clear Hiei hadn't said goodbye to her either.

"We can take a trip down to the beach, what do you say?" Kuwabara offered, his loving smile breaking through Yukina's bad mood. "I'll carry all your paint stuff and I'll bring a picnic. It'll like a mini-vacation before we start taking in students."

Yukina smiled softly at her husband and placed a hand on top of his. Kuwabara noticeably shivered from the touch, but only smiled broader. "That does sound nice," she replied. "I do love the beach."

Terra often forgot Genkai's land (well, Yukina and Kuwabara's now, she supposed) reached so far. She rarely ventured further than the swamp and kept to the step-path through the woods to make it back to town. It was also easy to forget that the newlyweds had a life outside of the monotony of temple life. Terra so rarely strayed from her own schedule, after all.

"Would you like to join us?" Yukina asked.

It sounded nice. A day at the beach. But Terra shook her head. "Uh, no. Sorry. Actually, I…" she chewed on her bottom lip for a moment and stared down at the full breakfast Yukina prepared for her. "I was thinking of heading out with Kurama."

"Oh, you got something you gotta do in town?" Kuwabara asked, scratching at his cheek. "We were going to head out for another grocery run soon, you could join us then, if you wanted to do the beach today instead."

Terra shook her head. "No. Uh."

She saw Kuwabara's face drop. He knew what she was getting at.

"Oh. You mean like. To leave."

Terra chanced a glance at Yukina. It felt like a betrayal somehow, leaving them. "Hiei's gone," she said, although it didn't need repeating. "He was my teacher. And it's close enough to the six months Genkai laid out for me, my training was pretty much over anyway."

"Yeah, but you don't gotta go," Kuwabara said. "I was uh," he shrugged sheepishly, "I was going to ask if you wanted to help me with the new residents. We've already found some students who need our help. They'll be coming up soon, kinda like a summer camp. Tester run for us."

Terra was both shocked and touched by the sentiment. "Thanks, Kuwabara. Yukina. I appreciate it. I don't think I'm qualified to teach anything, though."

"You learned like five different martial arts in half a year and can fight blindfolded against Hiei," Kuwabara reminded her. "You're like, almost as natural as Urameshi."

"Okay, but granted, Hiei was going easy on me. By a lot." Terra pushed her food around, trying to find the stomach to eat it. "But also, this isn't some spur of the moment decision. I've been thinking about what I was going to do after my training was over for a while now. The moment just came a little sooner than expected, is all. But there are things I need to do." Terra looked at them both with as much sincerity as she could spare. "I have to do things on my own for a bit. I'll come back and visit sometime, okay?"

Yukina smiled sadly. "Yes. I understand. We'll miss you, of course. You're always welcome back."

"I appreciate it."

Breakfast was quiet after that. A little awkward, but also comforting. Yukina really did care about Terra, and so did Kuwabara. She had never expected, in all of her speculations about the temple and her training, that coming back would have led to such wonderful people in her life. But it was time to go. At least for now.

When he finally joined them in the kitchen, Kurama was surprisingly against her idea. "You're sick, Terra. This is no time for travel."

"I'm fine," she insisted, "and it's really not up to you." Terra had made up her mind. It was time to leave. It was time to face her past.

After her meal, Terra finished gathering her things and joined the others outside. Kuwabara gave her a long hug goodbye. He was a lot like Conner, in many ways. A big, loveable goof. A good friend. Someone who would gladly tackle her with a bear hug. Terra held back the wave of emotion. It wasn't just that she missed Conner. She would miss Kuwabara, too.

Damnit.

Terra had made friends here.

Yukina also hugged her goodbye. Terra hadn't had a close female friend since middle school. It was a shame Terra had tried to keep her distance during her time at the temple. Yukina was an amazing person. "We'll do a beach day," Terra promised, "when I come back. Okay?" She wanted to spend time with her new friends. For the first time, Terra wanted them to be her friends. But it didn't change her mind. She needed to go.

"Okay," Yukina smiled. "You'll love it."

After a few final words of goodbye, Terra picked her pack up and she and Kurama began their descent down the mountain's stairs. "I can carry that for you," Kurama offered. Terra denied him the honor. She wasn't sick, she promised. Half their journey was in silence, Kurama's worried eyes on her like a mother hen. Finally, it grew too much for the ordinarily ever-patient fox. "You said, last night, that you wished to speak with me."

Terra shifted the straps of her bag into a more comfortable position on her shoulders. "Yeah, I guess I did." At the time, she was brimming with questions, but after some sleep and in the light of morning, Terra wasn't sure if she cared to know.

"Terra…" Kurama said her name with care. She hated talking to him sometimes. She could never quite tell if they were friends or just acquaintances who treated the other like puzzles and chess pieces. He let out a long sigh when it became clear Terra wasn't going to respond. "It's alright. I suppose I can gather what your questions may have been."

Terra rolled her eyes. Of course Kurama would be that pretentious. Although, was it really pretentious if he was correct? Terra didn't doubt that Kurama knew exactly where her thoughts had gone when she discovered Hiei had left without telling her.

"I've seen this side of Hiei before," Kurama told her, a wistful sigh gracing his words. "He sees the world through a lens of strong convictions. The things he believes in, or doesn't believe in, are a core part of who he is and how he reacts to the world. But that does not mean he's incapable of change."

Terra scoffed. "What exactly do you think it is I wanted to ask you?"

Kurama gave her a patient smile. "Hiei has grown and changed so much in the time I've known him. Yet, even now, he has a hard time admitting to the alliances he's made, the bonds he shares with others. And every time his understanding of what those alliances are change, he too must find it in himself to evolve."

"What does any of that have to do with me?"

Kurama smiled at her again, calm and with a tender sort of superiority. Terra would smack that look off his face if she thought she could get away with it.

"I've always found it curious," Kurama explained, "how similar you and Hiei sometimes turn out to be."

"I've never thought us very alike," Terra admitted. "He's an asshole. All he cares about is fighting."

"Come now," Kurama chided, "you know that's not true."

Kurama was right. It wasn't true. Hiei was so much more than a simple generalization. Still, Terra wasn't willing to give him that kind of credit right now. "How are we similar, then?"

"You are both creatures of solitude," he surmised, a toying grin on his lips. "You both put everything you have into your training. You both came here to mourn-."

"Kurama," she said, unsure why she felt the need to interrupt him. Terra shook her head. "Kurama, I came here to figure out my weird spirit energy." He looked at her and waited. She sighed. "But I also came here because I didn't know how to live on my own. I didn't know who I was. I'm leaving now because I'm finally ready to learn."

"Ah, see. Therein lies the similarity," Kurama smiled.

"So, what? Hiei left in the middle of the night to go find himself?"

It sounded ridiculous. No one in Terra's life spoke more assuredly in who they were than Hiei. But Kurama smiled and looked forward down the winding steps.

"I told you. Hiei is not incapable of change. And I believe he is facing a great change in himself now. But, unlike you, Hiei has never worked out his problems any way other than fighting. He removed himself for the time being so that he could think, and so that he could fight."

"And why didn't he bother to say goodbye?" Terra pressed. "Like, ghost me, that's whatever. But he could have said something to his sister."

"For that, I do not have an answer. He's complicated, to say the least." They walked in silence for a few more steps before Kurama spoke up again, too casual in his speech to be anything but. "Although, I don't think him leaving so suddenly is just 'whatever,' as you called it. You seem quite upset over the matter."

"I knew you were analyzing me," Terra replied. She wasn't bitter about it, but maybe a little tired of the fact.

"How could I not?" He smiled, grinned rather, a true moment of amusement and perhaps even friendship shared.

They made it to the base of the mountain before Terra spoke again. It was a question that had been sitting inside her for too long, and she wanted to ask it, even if there was no answer for her to hear.

"Why now?"

Kurama stopped and looked back at her. A passing car rumbled by on the road beyond.

"Why did he run off now?" Not when Genkai died and he had no obligation to stay. Not after they had a firm understanding of how her energy worked and he could have easily pawned the training onto Kuwabara, back from his honeymoon. Not when she was sick, even though she had just refused to do his next level of training. "What triggered this new… evolution of his character?"

"And see," Kurama smiled warmly, "there is another similarity between the two of you." Terra frowned. She didn't understand. "For all I'm worth, even I cannot tell if you truly do not see, or have simply convinced yourself you cannot."

"What the hell does that mean?"

It seemed Kurama was done answering questions. "I believe this is where we part ways. You have my information, correct? We should catch up again soon."

Terra watched him go, his car parked in the dirt inlet before the temple steps. He had offered her a ride to her next destination, but she had refused. Terra sat at the bus stop that was a five minutes walk down the road. She'd get to where she was going alone.

At least, for now.