In the Wake of What Follows

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Burn

Terra sat hunched on the closed toilet lid. She nearly gagged on the towel she had put between her teeth, biting down hard as she pulled another scale out of her stomach. Rizu's long-range attack consisted of shooting his fucking scales at her, which he had done one last time when Terra had him pinned to the ground.

It cost him. Terra released more of her energy as a reflex. She left him gasping for air, unsure if he'd be able to survive. If she'd removed her energy, he'd no doubt attack her again. Terra screamed into the towel as she yanked out another scale, blood dripping over the bathroom floor. She let the bastard die. Her kill count was two. And this time it wasn't just an accident. Terra gagged around the towel again.

There was a cloth in one of the trunks of Rizu's camp she used to cover herself, not wanting to stay there any longer to clean her wounds. She put out the fire and snagged a piece of the wood to learn what caused her barrier to fritz. Her ability to extend her energy came back the further she got from the woodsmoke. By the time she breached the woods, she had her energy wrapped around her like a bell jar. Terra made her way back to the hotel like that. Head held high, wrapped in a heavy canvas, the blade of her staff shining with blood. It was enough to keep others from approaching, even if they noticed the trail of blood that dripped as she walked.

She was surprised to realize that not much time had passed at all. Following Rizu, their stilted conversation, fighting him, returning to her only potential sanctum in the whole dimension… and barely an hour had gone by.

Terra dropped a bloody scale into the pot she pulled from the kitchenette. The scales were about the size of a half-dollar coin and as sharp as a steak knife. It was like walking around with dozens of razors embedded into her skin. The puncture wounds bleed freely, sluggishly trickling down her arms and legs and chest and sides. Some had begun to clot, dry blood crusting around the wound, but most were too fresh from when she pulled out the scale. They weren't too deep, but it was still a lot of blood. Terra didn't know how she was still conscious. Fuck. Kurama was going to kill her when he got back. She doubted she'd be able to clean up enough to escape his nose.

"You're hurt."

Terra flinched, her heart racing. She hadn't heard or sensed anybody enter, especially not him. She spat out the towel, taking a few shallow breaths before turning to the doorway. Hiei stood there, eyes wide and wild, the heat from his body growing with every second as the ice of his energy rapidly froze her. "Bit of an understatement," Terra choked out.

A litany of curses circled her thoughts. Of all the people who could have come to find her while she was like this, she didn't know what to say to Hiei. She didn't want to give him any more reason to distance himself from her. Terra put the towel back in her mouth, some childish mentality telling her if she just kept going, he'd ignore her.

Hiei was at her side before she even bit down. He pulled the towel from her mouth and tossed it behind him. "You've used up too much of your energy, and it's still trying to heal you," he said, eyes roaming over her as if he could follow the river of her veins. Maybe he could. Hiei knelt, one knee to the floor so that they were eye level. His hands hovered above her thighs, but he never touched her. "You have to stop it, of you'll kill yourself."

They had long since predicted the reason for her accelerated advancements during training, even with the poor sleep and near starvation, were due to her spirit energy rapid-healing her body after working out. It was a part of her energy that could be dangerous to hold onto for too long, and she hadn't been doing her meditations since coming to demon world. She had been keeping her spirit energy going the whole time to keep up defenses, but Hiei was right. It would ruin her.

She nodded and closed her eyes, dropping her head lower between her knees. They weren't touching, but their proximity was so close she could feel him even if his body weren't made of fire. Terra tried to ignore it, and breathed her way through her chakras, closing them the way the monks had taught her. Contained. Terra instantly felt woozy, her energy doing most of the effort in keeping her awake. "Shit."

Hiei held her steady, one burning hand carefully cupping her shoulder, avoiding puncture there. "If you pass out before I get my answers, you will regret it," he seethed. It was her only warning before Hiei used his impossible speed to pull the remaining scales out of her body.

Terra gasped at the pain, breath caught in her throat and unable to form a sound. He didn't hesitate to tear off the tattered remains of her shirt. She tried to yell at him, but he snapped at her to be quiet as he ripped her leggings up the side. The shower started running, although she hadn't seen him move away from her. Then she was in the tub under the cool water, missing the whisper of his touch for the mere half-moment he held her.

She managed to look up at him. Hiei's eyes were dark, but there was something behind them that she felt… well, she just felt. He almost looked sad under all the anger. Hiei blurred, then solidified with a fresh towel in hand.

"I can clean myself," she said as Hiei perched on the lip of the tub. He ignored her. His fingers ghosted across her skin, methodically wiping down every spot of blood. "I'm going to have to reopen some of these to clean them properly," he said. His voice was soft, yet carried tremendous weight. Terra swallowed against the stir of emotions in her stomach and nodded.

The pain wasn't so bad the second time around. The water swirled with more red and she flinched from time to time as he scraped open the almost scabs. His fingers continued to ghost across her bare skin. The heat of his absent touch made her breath hitch when it trailed over her throat and the dip of her waist. Terra distracted herself by washing down her legs. Besides some deep bruising, they were mostly unharmed.

For the briefest moment, Hiei left her side. In a blink, Hiei stood in front of her with a ceramic bottle. He pulled the stopper out with his teeth. Terra wasn't sure what it was, but it smelled like peroxide. If Kurama had brought it, it would likely have been in a standard medical bottle. This was from demon world. She didn't have time to even hope it worked the same before Hiei was pouring it over her wounds. "Fucking bitch," she shouted, then clenched her jaw as he moved along her body. She groaned as the pricking moved down her back, then her arms, her stomach, her thighs. Every cut and puncture stung like electric needles.

"You were caked in dirt," he reminded her coldly. "Those wounds were likely to be infected by now. That should take care of it."

"I'll fucking say," Terra said through her teeth as her myriad of open wounds fizzed with the strange peroxide.

"Some of those need stitches," Hiei said with false calm, watching as the water kept pooling with red.

"I'll be fine," she insisted. "Just some pressure, and wrap them up." Terra attempted to stand, but the blood loss was getting to her and there was no more adrenaline pushing her past her limits.

Hiei grabbed her wrist to keep her from falling. Before she could thank him, his other hand settled solidly against her shoulder. Sharp, burning pain caused her to cry out. She gripped his arm - to steady herself or to make him let go of her wrist, she couldn't be sure. He moved his hand to her thigh and the burning happened again. "What the fuck!" Twice more, he burned where the scales went too deep and the blood wouldn't clot easy.

"I cauterized them," he said bitterly before leading her out of the tub and drying her down in the span of a heartbeat. He pushed her back onto the toilet seat. She didn't know where the bandages came from, but Hiei deftly worked his way through her injuries with practiced hands.

He moved quickly, but not inhumanly fast, taking his time to secure the bandages. It gave her a chance to really look at him. His dark hair was plastered to his face from the shower. It made him look younger. Some of the water in his hair dripped onto his skin, and it sizzled and steamed around him. He wasn't wearing his bandana, the white cloth he kept on him in the human world. She hadn't seen him wear it at dinner the day before, either.

Hiei's fingers traced the shape of her tattoos as he passed them, and the scar that cut through the willow tree at her side. She wanted to lean into the touch, starved for more than the barest grace of his heat. She wanted to pull him in and kiss his lips and not let go. But Hiei had been right earlier. She was drained. Terra hardly had the energy to keep her eyes open.

He ignored her gaze, focused on his task until she was more bandage than skin. His hands stilled when he was done as if searching for more work. Then he finally looked at her.

"Who did this to you?" he asked, the even tone of his voice betrayed by the cool flare of his energy.

Terra's face heated in embarrassment. This was worse than being scolded, somehow. She didn't want to be taken care of like some little kid.

"Let me get dressed, first," she said, pushing to her feet and fighting the fatigue. "Feel free to steal a pair of Yusuke's pants if you want to change."

Hiei sighed, a tired sound she didn't expect from him. His hand was back around her wrist and he led her across the suite to her room, making sure she didn't rush herself or lose balance. Her luggage wasn't exactly put away nicely, so it was easy to just grab for the sleep clothes she left on the bed that morning. Hiei left her as she changed, an odd moment of modesty provided to her. He never seemed like someone who would notice such things, let alone care. It twisted her nerves in an almost pleasant way to imagine Hiei was attempting to be considerate. When she had replaced her ruined clothes with a pair of sweats and a loose shirt, she told Hiei it was okay to come back in. Terra didn't think she had the strength to meet him outside.

He'd taken the offer of Yusuke's clothes, the outfit a bit baggier on him than he usually wore. It made him a bit more human to her eye. She almost smiled if it weren't for the look on his face. Despite being the one to dress her wounds, his eyes flitted over the bandages as if noting the injuries for the first time. "I'm going to flay that fox when he returns. He never should have brought you here."

Terra rolled her eyes, her affection quickly turning sour. "It was my fault, Hiei. I would have been fine had I remotely followed the precautions given to me." Hiei narrowed his eyes, waiting for an explanation. Terra slumped onto her bed, wincing as she moved. "I saw Rizu in the stands. I went after him."

"Rizu," Hiei said, surprised. When Terra didn't respond fast enough, Hiei stalked closer. He came only a step away, arms crossed. His warmth circled her at that distance, comforting in a way she didn't think too hard about.

"I wanted to ask him something. He was the last person to know."

"Rizu did this to you," Hiei pressed, his voice deep with promises of violence. Hiei would have already connected to the bloody scales in the bathroom. "I'll kill him."

Terra huffed a hollow laugh. "Might be too late for that." She dared to look at Hiei. His brow was pinched just the slightest, as if trying to puzzle her meaning. "I didn't exactly hold back for his sake," she told him.

A sharp eyetooth poked out between Hiei's lips as a corner of his mouth tugged out. It wasn't a smile, exactly, but he seemed… impressed? "You fought Rizu, and won," Hiei said, the violent weight of his voice gone.

Terra shrugged. "I'm here, aren't I?" It went unsaid that Rizu wasn't going to let her out alive.

"What was so damned important you went to that reptile for answers?" Hiei spat, although not as vehemently as she would have expected.

Terra looked at him. She couldn't see the scars from this distance, but she remembered the lacework pattern of the smallest flecks across Hiei's forehead. The evil eye. The Jaganshi. The surgeon who turned Rizu and the Toguro brothers into demons was the same man who gave Hiei his telepathic third eye. And he was dead.

A fragment of understanding pierced her heart. The 'why'' that had driven her to ask Kurama, to ask Yusuke, to ask Koenma, to chase Rizu.

Terra looked away and let exhaustion seep into her muscles. "It doesn't matter. It was a dead end." The method was gone from the world. Terra wasn't sure if she wanted it for herself, but she had wanted the possibility to choose it. To be something other than human.

She really was pathetic, wasn't she?

"Did you kill him because his answer didn't satisfy?" Hiei laughed. The harsh amusement in his voice was enough to bring her attention back. The sly lilt to his lips didn't look all that happy, warring emotions contouring his face. She wasn't sure if he was worried or angry or surprised or annoyed, but the ice of his energy had dissipated.

"I left him to die because I was stupid enough to put myself in a kill or be killed situation," said dryly. "It was a mistake, an unnecessary risk, I know that and-"

"You won."

Terra didn't have the energy to extrapolate whatever meaning he was getting at.

"You still don't see," Hiei said, taking that final step closer. His thighs brushed against her knees, and if he leaned forward, she would be forced to lie back onto the bed. Terra's heart sped at the prospect, but he didn't budge further. "...just how strong you are."

"What?"

He searched her face, and Terra was entranced by the crystalline structure of his red eyes. When he settled to lock sight with her, she almost forgot to breathe. "When I first fought Yusuke, he won with luck and some interference by Kurama. We weren't equals until the Dark Tournament, and he didn't surpass me until Genkai gave him her power. Even then, I matched him soon enough."

"What does Yusuke-"

"Rizu is about the strength I reached after the Dark tournament, just before Yusuke's lineage turned him," Hiei stated, the conviction of his voice belied by the incredulous wonder in his eye as his hand came up to play with a strand of her hair. "If you had fought me, as you are now, when I first met Yusuke… you wouldn't have needed luck or intervention to win. You would have survived the Dark Tournament." He tucked the strand behind her ear. It was just long enough to stay there, her hair growing out some in recent months. The trail of his fingertips burned like a candle's flame as they brushed against her temple.

With a deliberate, measured movement, Terra placed her hand on top of Hiei's and leaned her face into his palm. She was vibrating out of her skin, unsure of his affection for her. For all Kuwabara and Kurama teased her, Terra still couldn't quite believe that Hiei would want her of all people. She waited for his reaction, air like lead in her lungs. His thumb stroked against her cheek and she stilled, afraid this wasn't real, that it wouldn't last.

"You dyed your hair again," he said, sounding just as suspended in time as she was.

"You don't like it?" Terra whispered.

"The color of your hair doesn't offend me," he smirked. They had gotten closer in the last few seconds, yet neither of them seemed to have moved. "But you chose it to look less Japanese, as if you're ashamed of yourself."

She was surprised he remembered that. It had been so long since the wedding and the game of twenty questions. The way his look begged for understanding reminded her of the first time he invaded her room, the evening after Genkai's funeral. He'd asked her if she truly wished to die, parsing out her weaknesses. Had he thought her strong back then? Confused as to how she could hate herself the same way he was now? Did he wish she was better than that? Was he disappointed that she wasn't?

His name escaped her lips on a sigh. The heat between them was an inferno she didn't want to escape. When his lips touched hers, she surged into it. He kissed her as if he could chase away her self-doubt by the sheer force of his passion. She kissed him like she was starving.

They moved too violently in the moment of broken tension, and Terra winced as some of her injuries twisted too fast. Hiei was off her in less than a heartbeat. The scorch of his mouth lingered on her lips as they breathed too fast. Her heart tripped over itself as it raced like a hummingbird. Had she tried to speak then, no words would have come out. Hiei wouldn't meet her eye as he traced over her face, her neck, the rise and fall of her chest. His lip curled back into a snarl with a look she hadn't gotten from him since their first encounter. She gulped, mouth suddenly dry with a rush of nerves overriding her senses. Some primal instinct in her was telling her to run. Fight or flight.

"Don't look at me like that," he snapped.

Terra reeled back, the force of his words knocking air back into her lungs. "Like what?" she asked, unable to stop looking at him at all. The battle within himself was more intense than any she had watched in the tournament.

He looked away from her then, shuttering his face into a steely mask. "We can't do this," he stated coldly.

"Because I'm hurt?" she put out, hoping against hope it was only her current injuries holding him back.

"Because you hurt too easily," he sneered. "For all your strength, you're still just a fragile-"

"Insignificant human?"

He tensed as if stung by her words. His words. What he had called her. She really was a fool.

Terra was near ready to cry, overwhelmed by all the directions her emotions had been pulled that day. She held her tears at bay, unwilling to seem weaker than she already did. With as much control of her voice as possible, she asked the one question that had been taunting her in secret for too long. "If I weren't human, would you be with me?"

Hiei snapped his head to her, crimson gaze narrowed in suspicion. She didn't know what clued him in, but Hiei was smarter than given credit for. He saw through her faster than most. "Is that what this was about? Did you go to Rizu for answers about becoming a demon ?"

"It's not like I have much of a life as a human," she scoffed bitterly, shame burning her cheeks. "I just wanted to know if the possibility existed. It's not like I was planning to make any life-altering decisions then and there."

"Dying is pretty life-altering!" he snapped, a spike of his cold energy piercing her.

"Well, I didn't die! And it's not a possibility because your surgeon's dead!"

"Shigure?" Hiei asked, surprise flicking across his features before settling into a new angered disbelief. "For the best! That man would have taken any reason for your transformation away from you as payment."

He must know, on some level. He must know that he was her reason. She doubted someone who lost to Kurama would be able to kill Hiei, but that didn't mean there weren't other ways to keep them apart. "Hiei," she said, his name like a prayer. She needed him to listen to her, but she didn't know what to say.

Terra pushed herself further onto the bed and pressed her back against the headrest. She wrapped her arms around her knees, wishing she were outside on the roof of the temple. It was always so much easier to talk to him under the distant stars. "You're right," she sighed, drained from their fight even more than the one she had with Rizu. "I'm weak and I'm stupid. I don't know why you'd like me in the first place." She'd thought it all along, but it hurt worse than she could have imagined to say out loud to him. "I need to rest. Replenish my spirit energy. If you want to stay, you're welcome. If not," she paused and glanced at him, a build of passion burning in her chest. "Just go."

He stared at her a moment longer, and then flickered out of sight. He'd even shut the window behind him.

It would be a long time before nightfall, but Terra managed to sleep. It didn't take long before the exhausted blankness of rest morphed into a nightmare. She caught the signs she was dreaming, the way she always did. Everything was unfocused and impossible in little ways. She always knew when she was dreaming, but that didn't make the nightmares any less frightening.

Since visiting Lorraine, she had stopped having the dream where Jeremy and Conner were ripped to shreds by yellow-eyed shadows, their voices ringing in her ears, pleading for her help.

On rare occasions, she'd have the nightmare that previously haunted her, before demons of the literal sense stalked her memories. The car crash with her parents would replay like a scratched disc, jarring moments of clarity spiking in her senses with no way forward and no way back.

Most every night that Terra had stayed at the temple, these images had chased her in her dreams.

She slept better now than before. The monks had taught her a few tricks to keep her mind calm, but it didn't always help.

Sometimes, nightmares weren't frightening, just painful. She'd wake up with tears staining her cheeks. Those nights were less frequent, less hurtful when they came now. Or, they had been.

Everything around her was dark. Not like a room with no lights or being outside at night, but a void. She stood on nothing in a place without light. Jeremy appeared in her mind like he always did. His hair was spiked slightly from running his hands through it too often, and his skin was golden from all his time spent outdoors. He would always smile at her.

Terra stood there in the void and watched him smile, a tear or two escaping her eyes. The sticky wet drop rolled down her cheek. She couldn't be bothered to wipe it away. And Jeremy smiled. Kindly. Sweetly. Lovingly. Slowly, Jeremy walked over to her and encased his arms around her. Terra could feel his warmth and every muscle of his familiar frame. She could smell the sun on his skin, in his clothes, mixed with his raw pheromones. And it was the worst nightmare.

Only this time, she heard his voice. He whispered in her ear, and it echoed through her mind the way Hiei's voice did when he pushed his thoughts inside.

I love you.

Terra held him closer, but he didn't feel as solid as he had a moment before. I know, she whispered back.

It's okay, he told her.

But it's not, she wept.

Jeremy's embrace tightened before he let go. Terra's body shook, not wanting him to leave.

It's okay, he repeated.

Terra woke with a sob.

The hazy daylight outside was almost snuffed out into the purple night sky. She'd slept for a few hours and her head pounded. Terra got herself some water and checked the matches on the TV, distracting herself from all the things she had to worry about. Yusuke was fighting. He probably wouldn't be done any time soon as he and his opponent both looked fresh as a daisy. Kurama hadn't returned yet, either.

Terra's hand shook as she set down her empty cup. She took a deep breath to steady herself and took the opportunity to reopen her chakra gates. She'd rested them long enough. Her energy would likely take over healing the major lacerations soon enough, so she'd have to monitor that. The usual meet up time for dinner had come and gone. Terra had promised Kurama she'd order room service if it came to it, but she wasn't particularly hungry. She knew she should eat, after everything, but her stomach turned at the thought.

Not with Jeremy's touch ghosting across her skin, and Hiei's kiss still searing her lips.

Terra went about cleaning up the mess she had made by coming back bleeding and coated in dirt. Kurama was still likely to find her out, but she wasn't going to make it obvious for him.

She checked the TV again. Hiei's next match wasn't slotted until the morning. After a certain time of night, they postponed starting a new fight until there were more ready spectators.

Having just woken up, Terra was restless. There wasn't anything to do in the suite, and she wasn't likely to fall asleep again any time soon. Especially not with her latest nightmare there to mock her every time she closed her eyes.

She didn't have to think hard to make sense of her dream. It wasn't unlike the ones she had before, only this time her betrayal was accepted. Her ring was with him. Her heart was always with him. But Jeremy could never be with her. She was ready to move on, but the man she wanted to move on with didn't want her. Terra touched her lips and shivered.

He had kissed her, though.

He kissed her first.

One last stupid thing. One last attempt to reach out to him. Terra needed fresh air, anyway. As fresh as air could be in the makai. If Hiei didn't show up… then she'd find a new path forward.

The thought didn't settle well for her, but if she set her sights on a heart of coal, she'd only get burned.