Chapter 5: Want
Jim couldn't move. Silver wasn't putting any of his weight on him, but the mere image of that large, imposing figure leaning over him was enough to cause his entire body to freeze. They had been silent for some time now, the red glow of Silver's eye causing an eerie din in the dark cave. Jim watched as the pirates eyes looked over his face before scanning down, as if taking in Jim's whole being. It was terrifying. Knowing about Silver's actual profession, and the realization that Silver now has to consider how to keep Jim quiet about it, caused a sinking feeling in Jims gut. He had read the news articles, and stories about the sorts of things pirates have, and will, do to prisoners, and right in that moment, Jim felt very much trapped.
When Silver moved suddenly, Jim felt his whole body stiffen, as the Ursid sat up on his knees, no longer leaning down over him. The Pirate sighed heavily, his eyes glancing away from the cabin boy to glance at his damaged, cybernetic arm with seeming frustration. Jim swallowed and sat up on his elbows, looking at the arm as well, confused. He was still pinned by Silver's large legs, but even this little bit of room helped Jim to relax a bit as he swallowed again. John Silver glanced back at him, raising an eyebrow curiously and rubbing his chin, as if thinking.
"What do you think, Jimbo?" He asked, his voice still heavy and dangerous, though with an odd, light lilt at the end that made it seem softer somehow. Him glanced up at him, having to crane his neck to look him in the eye at this angle.
"About what?" He asked in return, his own voice coming across sharp and angry, despite the shiver he could still feel in his spine.
"What do ye think I should do about this, ey?" Silver asked more clearly, looking Jim straight in the eye. "I like ye Lad, but I have worked too long, and hard, to let ye get between me and me treasure. I can't have ye telling Captain Amelia about me plans when we get back on the ship, so what should I do about that?"
Jim blinked up at him for a moment, letting the question sink in slowly as he worked to put his own thoughts together. He could just kill me, or threaten me… He thought as he looked up at the larger, stronger, and definitely more experienced man. But he's asking me? Does...is he expecting some sort of bargain? A trade off? Well that's better than the idea of getting killed, but….what could I ask for to warrant letting him lie to the Captain and Doctor, steal the treasure, and leave me stranded on some rock to eventually go home, a failure, to my mom...Unless…
Jim bit his lip and looked away from the large man for a moment, remembering his mom, the inn, the trouble with the police. He loved his mom, but the fact was, he hated Montressor. He felt so trapped, tied up on that small planet, where people always just assumed that he would fail. He glanced up at the Pirate, feeling a slight flush build on his cheeks. He's giving me the choice of what will happen to me. He's giving me that power, rather than deciding my fate, and future for me. He's always given me a chance to prove myself, and has acknowledged when I succeeded, rather than wondering when I would fail again…
He thought in silence for a long time, all the while Silver remained where he was, waiting patiently for a response, not pressuring him into saying something immediately. Eventually Jim nodded to himself and glanced up at the Ursid with strong, determined eyes.
"Let me join your crew…" He said strongly. Silver stared at him for a moment, one eyebrow raised as he thought this over.
"Ye know bein a pirate ain't no picnic, right?" Silver said carefully, though not condescending. "Ye would be expected to work. Yed be at the bottom of the food chain, being the newest, and when pirates haze, they can get pretty nasty."
"I can work." Jim nodded, not looking away. "And I've dealt with hazing before...I don't like it, but I can hold my tongue. Just-" Jim bit his lip and looked away again, a sudden thought coming to mind.
"Just what?" Silver prodded quietly.
"Scroop." Jim hissed slightly. Silver sighed and nodded slowly, already knowing what had crossed Jims mind.
"Aye. Scroop would treat you like garbage. And straight up, I've come to let me boys have their brawls and fun, we ain't got no regular shore leave to blow off stress." Silver said, confirming Jim's thoughts. Jim sighed and ran his hand through his long bangs, frustrated. Silver tilted his head, looking over Jim again. "Although…"
Jim glanced back up, raising an eyebrow at the contemplative expression on Silver's face, and the small smirk that replaced it.
"Although...what?" He pried, though hesitantly. Silver chuckled and tilted his head the other direction, the now yellow light of his cybernetic eye seeming almost amused.
"Yeh really want to start travelin around the Etherium with me?" Silver asked, still smirking. "Yeh do seem t' have some sort of attraction to this ol' pirate, though I can't understand why. What are ye hopein will happen if ye come along?"
Jim flushed deeply, gritting his teeth. Actually, that hadn't even crossed Jims mind. He had become fairly complacent with the idea that he would just have his strange, somewhat pathetic crush on the sidelines. Maybe just be able to call Silver a friend. Silver laughed at Jims expression, light and loud, amused, not mocking. The pirate reached out and put one finger under Jims chin, causing the boy to tilt his head back even more to look up at him.
"I admit, lad. Ye are rather pleasant t' look at." Silver chuckled, causing Jim's face to grow even more red. "I might have a way to let ye join me crew, and keep ye safe from them scoundrels, but I don't know if yer ready for it."
A shudder ran up Jims spine at the words, the closeness and size of the Ursid once again becoming very apparent to the cabin boy. He swallowed and met Silver's eye, never having been the sort to back away from any sort of challenge.
"What is it?" He asked directly. "Tell me, and I'll decide if I'm…'ready for it'. Not you."
John chuckled at Jims tone but nodded, removing his hand from the lads chin and speaking to him directly.
"It's pretty simple actually, Jimbo." He smirked. "Rather than makin ye a member of the crew itself, ye could just be my boy."
Jim blinked for a moment.
"Uuhhhh I think you're going to have to explain that one."
Silver chuckled again.
"It's always been a thing for sailors, Jimbo. Pirates and Navy officers alike. Bein out on the Etherium can get pretty lonely." He explained simply. " The circumstances can be a bit different, but basically ye would be working under me, so to speak, and no one else. It has its benefits. Best food, comfortable bed, protection from the crew, and so on. But ye would be expected to perform yer job, as well as, and I suspect this will be the hardest part for ye, be entirely obedient to yer captain."
Jim listened carefully, frowning a little bit. It almost sounded like being a personal servant to the Captain, not exactly something Jim liked the idea of, but still…
"And what would that job be, exactly?" Jim asked, a little hesitant. John smirked and shrugged.
"Mostly keepin the Captain's quarters all neat and clean. Occasionally running messages." He grinned, his eyes carefully watching Jim's face. "And of course, keepin me cot warm at night."
Jim's face felt like it was on fire as he stared up at Silver incredulously. This had to be a joke, right? Silver had to be pulling his leg, teasing him about his ridiculous crush, but one look at the Ursid's face told him that no, John Silver was completely serious about this.
"Y….you can't mea….by keeping warm you…" He sputtered out awkwardly. John raised an eyebrow with a smile.
"I mean Sex, Jim." He said softly, almost comfortingly. "This whole aspect of sailin started because ship Captains kept bringin their lovers on board, and it lead to a lot of arguments about favoritism. By doin the extra work, and followin all orders without complaint, it allows it to keep on bein a thing. It's looked down on by the Navy, but they do it. And it's pretty much expected to happen at some point on pirate ships. So if ye really want to come along with me, it might be the safest way. If Scroop ever so much as threatens you, I'd be able to get rid of him without the rest of the crew questioning it."
"Oh…" Jim muttered, thinking quickly as his heart pounded furiously in his chest. It's true Jim had...fantasized about he and Silver...but the idea of it really happening was odd, and intimidating. He knew how two men would have sex, he had read books and seem videos of course, and the idea of doing that with Silver, with the Pirates general size...He would rip me in half… He thought, the pure idea of it sounding painful, and deadly. He bit his lip as he struggled between two parts of himself, the emotional wanting to go with the only person to ever show him any kind of trust or respect, who deeply cared for and desired Silver. And the second part, that was still young and nervous, aware of the pure, physical risk and acknowledgement that...maybe he really wasn't ready for that.
A hand gently laid on Jim's shoulder, drawing his attention away from his thoughts as he looked up at Silver, who was down looking back at him with a shockingly tender smile.
"Let me make this very clear lad." Silver said softly. "I'd never force ye to do nuthin. But the crew would expect it. If ye did agree to this, then ye'd have to pretend, at least until, or if, you ever did feel like ye wanted to."
Jim blinked and let out a breath he didn't even know he had been holding, his shoulders relaxing slightly at the words and tender tone. He looked down for a moment, his own hand reaching up and laying on top of Silvers.
"It...it's not that I don't want to…" He muttered quietly. "It's just…."
"Scarry?" Silver asked, and Jim nodded in reply. Silver smiled and leaned down, gently kissing the lad on top of the head. "It's okay lad. Yeh don't have to answer now, and I won't push ye in to sayin yes. Besides, I'm right tired, and ye look like you could do with a bit of a nap yerself."
"We just woke up…" Jim said with a wry smirk as Silver sighed and finally rolled off of Jim, resting on his back with a small wince.
"Aye, but just sitting up is exhausting right now." Silver mumbled, carefully positioning his disabled arm beside him.
"Of course it is! You're still hurt!" Jim sighed, pulling the blanket up over Silver's chest and frowning down at him. "Just because your feeling better doesn't mean you can just….push yourself! You gotta rest…"
John scoffed and raised an eyebrow at Jim, reaching out and putting a hand on the lad's shoulder again.
"Alright alright, I'll rest." He chuckled and shook his head. "But you gotta start restin too, ye hear me? I know ye'v lost sleep takin care of me. Now that I am doin better, ye need to start takin it a bit easier."
Jim shook his head and glanced towards the cave entrance. It was actually still dark, his ability to tell time had seemingly completely gone from him. Jim looked down at the Ursid again and chewed on the inside of his cheek for a second before crawling under the blanket with John and resting against the Ursid's side, instantly feeling warmer as the organic arm draped around him, pulling him in tighter.
"Silver?" Jim said softly, resting his head on the cyborgs shoulder. John opened his eyes and looked down at the younger man, eyes tired and patient.
"What is it, Jimbo?"
"That whole...being your boy thing…" He spoke hesitantly. "Do you want that?"
Silver thought for a moment, not looking away before smiling a little and nodding.
"Aye. I want you Jim." Silver sighed softly, his hand rubbing Jims back gently. Jim glanced up, a small smile eventually coming to his face before hugging in even closer to the giant of a man. He didn't have to say anything, both Jim and Silver knew that. Jim could already feel the strange, buzzing feeling in his stomach, something he hadn't felt in a really long time, and Silver could see it in his face, and feel it in Jims pulse through their contact.
I'm wanted.
The rest of the night went by in a calm silence, the two men resting together listening to the wind blow outside. When the sun eventually started to peer into the cave, Jim sighed and sat up, looking down at Silver, who was still fast asleep, breathing steadily. He smiled a little and stood up, carefully pulling the blanket up to cover Silver, before making his way over to the mouth of the cave.
It was windy, and fresh snow was falling, quite heavily in fact. Jim squinted through the thick flakes, trying to gauge the surroundings as his hair whipped in his face.
It's gonna be a storm. He realised as he caught sight of the heavy, pale gray clouds over-head. He glanced back toward Silver and sighed before making his way out into the wooded surroundings to try and find more fire wood before it got any worse.
Finding firewood was hard, in this place. Everything was already damp and cold, and it didn't help that Jim had no coat, and no gloves, as he trounced through the forest, digging through the snow to pull up twigs and sticks. He was careful not to go too far away from the cave entrance, not wanting to lose his way in this white out. Still, it was miserable.
After about ten minutes of searching, Jim had a small armfull of long sticks that he hoped he'd be able to dry out enough to burn. The wind blew right through his tunic, at this point, his skin red and raw. Still he glanced around, wandering if he should try and gather a bit more when a voice came over the wind.
"Jim!"
He turned, slightly startled, towards the cave entrance, were he could see the large shape, and the gleaming eye, of Silver standing in the mouth. He sighed and made his way over to him, carefully holding on to the sticks as he made his way back to their sanctuary, quickly averting his eyes once Silver's half-naked form became more clear.
"What the blazes are you doin, goin out in a storm like that?" Silver asked, his hand resting on his hip, his face a mixture of worry and annoyance.
"Needed more wood." Jim responded, his teeth chattering. "Wasn't that bad when I first went out…"
"Heavens, come here lad." Silver sighed and shook his head, placing his hand on the lads shoulder and leading him near the fire. Jim sighed and sat the sticks down in a dry place on the floor, wincing as some of them pulled away from his skin, where they had adhered to in the cold. Jim sat down next to the fire, pressing his hands towards it in an attempt to warm up more. When Silver draped the solar sail / blanket over his shoulders he looked up at him and gave a small smile.
"Thanks."
John shook his head and sat down next to the lad, using his good hand to pull Jim's shirt aside and look at the raw, blistered skin.
"Take yer shirt off lad." He muttered, carefully pulling some heated water off of the fire. Jim blushed, but obeyed, pulling the tunic off over his head and wrapping the blanket a little tighter around himself. Silver soaked a bit of cloth in the hot water, glancing back up. "Give me your hands."
Jim held his hands out to Silver, who awkwardly slid the rag over his skin, warming him up and easing some of the cold-burn he seemed to have gotten. It would have been a simple task, if Silver could use both of his arms, but instead he worked carefully with just the one, occasionally stopping and holding Jim's small hands in his own, bringing it to his mouth and breathing on his fingers to warm them up.
For a man who had always been rather rough around the edges, the motions were careful and gentle, even tender, and Jim watched it with a tired fascination. His eyes scanned Silver's face, noting the bags under his eyes, the light sheen of sweat on his brow. The cybernetic eye whirred and spun, looking over Jim's hands and arms with the precision of a marksman, the natural green eye looking worried, and tender.
Jim reached up with one hand, brushing the back of his fingers against Silver's cheek, feeling the heat of his skin. John's eyes looked up to meet Jims, a mild, crooked smile playing on his lips.
"Your fevers back." Jim muttered, his brows creasing in a frown. Silver chuckled and shook his head, pulling Jim's hand away from his face.
"Just a bit Lad. I'll be fine." He smirked, tilting his head a bit. "Didn't help wakin up t' find ye out in the middle of a blizzard, ye know."
"Well I had to-" Jim started but stopped as Silver's eyes became hard.
"I know why ye did it Jim. But bear in mind that ye got te take care of yerself too. You should have at least woken me up, taken something t' cover yerself up with."
"I'm fine! Just a bit cold!" Jim barked back, that stubborn pout of his coming back to his face. Silver gritted his teeth and pressed his hand forward on to Jim's stomach, his calloused fingers running over a spot that stung, causing Jim to hiss out.
"That wind beat you raw, Jimbo." Silver scoffed. "Heavens help ye, I was half scared to death when I saw you gone, and looked outside!"
Jim grimaced and looked away, his shoulders slumping slightly.
"I'm sorry, alright? I just...was trying to help." He muttered, his face red with embarrassment. John sighed and put an arm around him, pulling him into a slightly crushing hug.
"I know Lad, and thanks fer that. I just want ye to be careful about it, aye?"
Silver's voice was soft and deep, it vibrated through his chest and Jim could feel it from there he was being held. Despite the flutter in his stomach, and the bright red his face had turned, he swallowed and let his arms wrap around Silver's neck in a tight hug, having to sit up on his knees to even reach him. Silver chuckled and gave Jim an extra squeeze, tilting his head down and kissing Jim on the top of the head.
"Silver?" Jim muttered, burying his face in John's shoulder to hide the heat in his cheeks.
"Yes Jimbo?"
"...My answer's yes."
Silver looked down at Jim in surprise, having, at least partially, expected him to refuse the rather strange offer he had been given. He pressed his lips together and patted Jim's back gently.
"Ye sure about this, Lad?" He asked softly. "Once things kick off...there will be no goin back fer ya. Ye'd be a criminal."
Jim chuckled and pulled away, looking up at silver with clear eyes, though the old pirate could see the water that had started to gather in the corners of those blue orbs.
"I already am a criminal, technically." He said softly. "Back home. I was on parole for...well minor stuff but still.."
Silver chuckled and shook his head, using a finger to brush some of Jim's hair away from his face.
"So long as yer sure, Lad." He smirked. "Last thing I'd want is fer ye to regret this later."
"I know." Jim smiled back. "But...this is...what I want."
"Ye really do have some strange taste, Jimbo." Silver laughed. "But if this is what ye want, then I'll respect that."
Jim's face flushed deeper as he sat back on his heels, going over in his mind what he had just agreed to. He swallowed and bit his lip, nervously running his hand through his hair.
"Just ah…" He muttered, averting his eyes from John. "Just...you know...I've never…"
"Don't ye worry Lad." John smirked, ruffling Jim's hair. "It's not like I'm gonna start off by bending ye over and havin me way. Not only would that hurt, but it could probably kill ye, with how scrawny ye are and all."
"I'm not that skinny…" Jim pouted, but inside he was slightly relieved. He wanted to, maybe one day, be able to share that with Silver properly, but his eyes were telling him that it might be physically impossible. Still…
"W...doesn't it always hurt?" He asked quietly. "Between two guys?"
"It can." Silver sighed, shifting to lean his back against the wall, pulling Jim close to him. "But if done carefully, and patiently, it can be quite nice. So long as at least one of ya know what e's doin."
"And do you? Know what you're doing?"
"Of course I do, Jimbo!" Silver laughed. "That's why I aint gonna rush nuthin. Gotta work up to that sort o' thing. Nah, we'll start with just the simple things, once yer ready, o' course."
"What do you mean by 'simple things?'" Jim asked, even more confused. Silver raised one thick eyebrow with a smirk, sliding his hand up and down Jim's back.
"Ye sure are eager to learn these things, Jimbo. Don't tell me yer already wantin it?"
"What?! No!" Jim gaped, blushing furiously. "I was just...I just had...I don't…"
"Ye sure about that Lad? Ye have been awfully snuggly"
"I-" Jim started to protest again, but Silver's hand clamped around his hip, pushing him up onto the cyborg's lap, the sheer strength of just one arm being shocking enough to silence Jims words. Jim instinctively put his hands up against Silver's chest, to prevent face-planting into it as Silver shifted to a more comfortable sitting position. Jim swallowed as he noted their new position, with him straddling Silver's organic thigh, and the large, paw-like hand resting on his hip.
"Be honest now, Jimbo." Silver smirked, running his thumb along Jim's hip bone, causing a shiver to run up the cabin boy's spine. "Are ye wantin somethin?"
Jim swallowed, his heart beating heavily in his chest as he stared up at the cyborg. His hands clenched into fists as he thought it over, his face still burning as he slowly nodded.
"Yes."