Sorry for the long time between updates! I have 2 other stories I'm working on right now. Anyway, there is another time jump to after the Quarter Quell.

Chapter 25

I did it. I won…again. Somehow. Only this time there wasn't another victor coming home with me. Peeta died early on, after hitting an invisible force field. Finnick tried to save him but he just couldn't. Finnick was actually amazing, nothing like I'd thought he'd be from seeing him from previous Games. He protected me in the Arena until the end when it was just the two of us. He kept me somewhere safe until the Gamemakers sent mutts after him.

It hasn't been easy since I've returned to District 12. I haven't left my bed in the past few weeks and I have no intention of doing so. I also have someone in the room with me at all times. Prim usually takes mornings, Merrick afternoons, and Gale spends the night with me after his shifts in the mines. I hate that he comes here when he should be spending time with his family. He's the only one that can seem to get me out of the nightmares that come with the darkness. Tonight is particularly bad with the late night thunderstorm. The lightning lights up the room, reminding me of the midnight lighting that came nightly in the Arena.

"Peeta!" I scream into the dim room as I'm ripped from another nightmare. My whole body shakes violently when I realize he's not here.

"Catnip, you're in District 12, in your room." Gale says, embracing me as he whispers into my ear. I look around and see I am indeed in my room.

"They killed him." I cry, burying my face into his chest. I melt into him and he continues to comfort me.

"He'd want it this way. He'd be happy your safe." he murmurs.

"I want him here." I say as tears stream down my face.

"I know." he murmurs. "What can I do to make you happy?" I don't reply. "What if went hunting tomorrow, like we used to?"

"It's Saturday…you have to work."

"I'll take off for the day." he tells me.

"No." I forcefully tell him. The last thing he needs is to miss a day's wages because of me, especially since he won't take any of my money.

"You can't hide away in here forever, Catnip." he says in response. "You're alive…all those people made sure you came out of there alive. Don't let their deaths be in vain." he whispers in my ear before leaving the room. I'm not sure where he's going or whether he will come back. I close my eyes and wish I had something for the pain, be it liquor or morphling. The latter is difficult to come by and the former would require a visit to Haymitch, something I am not quite sure I'm ready for. Last time we were together, he could barely keep his composure. I never knew Peeta's death would have such an effect on him. Peeta Mellark is just that kind of guy. He stays with you even long after he's gone.

I wake up with Merrick lying close to me, stroking the hair on my temple. My eyes meet his, his blue eyes reflecting the pain and worry inside of him. I haven't been fair to him. I've basically shut him out, using only a few words to answer his questions or just not saying anything at all. I'm not sure why he's still here…why he hasn't given up on me yet.

"If I make you something to eat, will you eat it?" he softly asks me. I gently shake my head. His hand moves down my body and grazes my ribcage. "You're too thin, Katniss." I know I am. It's not like I haven't been this thin before. "They'll send you away if you don't fix this."

"They don't care about us." I softly reply.

"The Victory Tour is in a few months. You'll never last with as weak as you are now. They'll do something to make you look how you used to. Maybe even alter you."

I shudder when he mentions this. The last thing I want is for the Capitol to get their hands on me and permanently alter me so I fit their vision of beauty. Cinna fought so hard to prevent that from happening. My eyes tear up again. He didn't make it either.

I can't see much through my veil of tears but I can feel Merrick's lips meet mine as he kisses me. Even with all the pain and numbness I've been feeling, his kisses are he one thing that can make me feel something positive. I move my lips gently against his, reciprocating his kiss for the first time since I've been home. His hand traces down my body until it rest on my hip, gently stroking my skin between my shorts and shirt. He doesn't go any further although part of me wishes he would. When he's finished, he lies on his back, pulling me with him so my head is resting on his chest. I wrap my arm around his torso for a better hold on him. His hand traces patterns on my back as we lay in the silence.

"Why are you still with me?" I ask quietly.

"Because I love you." he answer.

"But I'm broken."

"I still love you." he replies. "I'll always love you."

"Even if I don't get better?"

"Even then…but you will." he says. He still has faith in me….that I can overcome this.

"I don't know how to get better."

"Well you're not going to get better laying in his bed all day, refusing food. You need to try Katniss." he murmurs calmly.

"I'm not ready yet." I tell him. I feel exhaustion hit me again. I'm not sure if I am tired or if the depression is taking over once again. I close my eyes and breath him in, his scent calming me. He's the one comfort I have. I let myself fall away into the oblivion, safe in his arms.

I woken by a knock on my door but I do not open my eyes. I lay there, holding onto Merrick. He has other plans. He gently moves from under me and answers the door. I hear another pair of feet scuffle into the room.

"How is she?" I hear a voice, belonging to Gale, ask right off the bat.

"Sleeping."

"She's always sleeping…or lying there." Gale comments.

"It's going to take a while." Merrick explains.

"Yeah, you wait for her to come around and you'll be waiting the rest of your life. She needs a push."

"I don't think it's right that we force her into anything." Merrick disagrees. As I listen to them talk to one another and wonder how long the two have been working together. Gale hates Merrick, always has, probably always will. How did these two even start to become friendly with one another?

"I've seen this behavior before; not from her, from her mother. I remember the talks we'd have about how she tried to get her mother out of bed but she'd just lie there, closed off from the world. I'll be damned it I let her fall into that same pattern." Gale says with fervor.

"You try your way; I'll try mine." Merrick compromises.

"Doesn't it kill you seeing her this way, because it's tearing me apart watching her waste away like this. She's so much more than this. She's always been strong."

"Of course it is!" Merrick says matching Gale's frustration. "But I don't know what to do. People our age shouldn't have to deal with things like this. We don't know enough to know what to do."

"I don't know how it is in District 2 but shit like this happens all the time in District 12. Makes you grow up pretty fast." Gales says, taking a jab at Merrick's background.

"I better go. I'll say goodbye to her first." Merrick says as his footstep draw near. I feel his weight on the mattress and his hand rubbing my shoulder as he whispers my name. I flutter my eyes to make it appear that I am just waking up.

"Hmm?" I mutter.

"Gale's here. I'm going to head home now." he informs me before kissing me one last time. I can tell Gale's glaring at me, even though I cannot see him. I end the kiss before it can go too far and tell Merrick I'll see him tomorrow. Once Merrick is out of the room, Gale approaches me with a container in his hand. He slides off his shoes and places the container and a spoon on the side table before joining me. Gale uses a gesture to let me know he wants me to sit up and for some reason, I do. He takes the pillow I've been resting on and places it against the headboard. I scoot back until my back is resting against it.

"Stopped by the Hob after work, bought some soup from Sae's stand." he says removing the lid from the container. He then scoops up some stew on the spoon and holds it in front of my mouth. I accept the bite allowing the flavors to dance inside my mouth. It's the first food I've had in days. He goes to scoop another bite but I object.

"I can do it myself." I say, taking the bowl and spoon away from him. Something about his earlier comment has sparked something inside me. Maybe it's the fact that I never want to be like how my mother was all those years ago. I scarf down the meal in front of me, my hunger taken over. I hear Gale chortle and look up to see him with a smirk on his face.

"What?" I ask him.

"What happened to all those Capitol manners you picked up?" he asks. I roll my eyes at him. He knows how much I despised Effie and her rules of etiquette. When I finish my stew, he takes the empty bowl and spoon and places it on the table. He then scoots closer to me and puts his arm around my shoulders while the other rests in his lap. I reach over and brush my fingers down his arm.

"How do you get the coal dust off?" I question him. I've yet to see him fresh from the mines, covered in remnants of coal from his hard day's work. I know from my childhood that my father would come home with barely any skin showing through the sooty mineral. I wonder what Gale looks like after emerging from the dark mine shafts.

"Lots of scrubbing." he tells me.

"Is it bad down there?" I quietly ask him.

"Once you get adjusted to it, it's not so bad." he says, clearly lying to me.

"Adjusted how?" I pry for more.

"It's dark down there…very dim. Took a while for my eyes to adjust. And I coughed a lot in the beginning."

"You shouldn't be breathing in that air at all." I argue.

"I'm careful." he says.

"I don't like you down there."

"Well I don't have much of a choice, now do I, Katniss?" he says with a serious tone. "We can't always have what we want. It's the only legal job in District 12, you know that."

"Are you ever scared?"

"Sometimes, when I think of Dad."

"You and Merrick seem chummy." I say, changing the subject.

"No we just care about you. I'm not his friend Katniss."

"And you never could be." I say with a sigh.

"No and you know why. One day he'll do something."

"He's harmless, Gale."

"I guess with Peeta out of the picture you're free to be with whomever you want." he says.

"Guess so. I hadn't really thought about that."

"You think the Peacekeepers will like you hanging out with him?"

"It will be fine."

"And what about his father, when he finds out his son is dating the girl that stood between him finishing me off. What do you think will happen then?"

"I…I don't know." I respond. I never thought about that. The last thing I want is to keep our relationship a secret, as we've been doing for the past few years.

"Katniss, his father could do something to you. He's the Head Peacekeeper." he says, caressing my face.

"What's the worst he could do? I'm a public figure. People would notice." I try to reason with him.

"He had no problem whipping your back until it was black and blue."

"He had no idea who I was either. I'm sure Victors are off limits." I try to reassure him. "You should go home."

"Catnip—" he starts.

"I'm not mad. You should be with your family. I'm sure Posy is missing you terribly."

"They understand."

"I want to see how I'd do one night by myself. I'm not going to get any better if I have people coddling me all the time." I reason with him.

"I like sleeping next to you." he admits, creating more tension.

"What do I need to do to get my way?"

"Hunting tomorrow." he says, placing his offer on the table.

"Ok." I reply, knowing there is no bargaining with him.

"Usual spot. 9 a.m." he says springing off my bed. He stuffs his feet back into his shoes and leaves. Once he's gone I can't help but think, 'What have I gotten myself into?'