Twelve Red Lines

by Vikingr

I expected to die when I went into the water. Instead, I was rescued by a crew of people who I knew only as characters in a story. But what does it take to become worthy of being a Straw Hat? And why are so many little details not matching up to what I know?

4. Soliloquy

Soliloquy: In a play, a monologue delivered by a character alone onstage that reveals thoughts, emotions, or other information the audience needs to know.

Or in this case, the chapter inn which the author delivers the first turn of the mindscrew. Behold, the logical conclusion of sticking an overly analytical English major into a story.

Mercimek: I write good? Really? I consider my writing more chaotic neutral, but I guess alignment is in the eye of the beholder.

MehhHehh: Aww, thank you. ^_^

Gerbilfriend: In that case, I hope you like seeing more Jones vs Arlong dialogue in this chapter. Hopefully Jones talking so much doesn't get old.

Radioactive-Pingu: Interested to see Jones with Barto and Dragon, eh? Heh. Next chapter. And it didn't go how I expected, so I'm curious to see what you think. As for the rest... Thank you so much. Really? You think it's that good? I'm flattered. I guess we'll see as this goes on.

Xipholynx: All the effort I put in to make this story unique? Thank you. I hope you still enjoy it after this chapter; as far as I can tell, I took a couple of risks in my pursuit of uniqueness.

The Keeper of Worlds: Thank you! And yeah, you've gotta pay close attention to some things as far as the ripples go. I'm trying to emulate Sensei Oda in the whole never-forgetting-even-seemingly-insignificant-details thing. It's harder than he makes it look.

I was tumbling, floating through silver clouds. No one was visible, but all around me I could hear whispers. The voices were too far away for me to make out any words, or even if I recognized any of them. Spreading my arms, I flapped like a bird. It seemed the only sensible thig to do. My tumbling turned into level flight. But how was I to know which way to go in this dancing mist? I couldn't find the voices or any landmarks, so I just revelled in the joy of flight.

…Beep…

Thousands of people in an endless room, dressed in gi and kimono and ancient armour. Most were old Asian men; I felt distinctly out of place- even more so when I realized that all those wearing gi had the black, red, and white patterned belts of the highest ranks. The men were discussing something, but I couldn't hear their words. At least, not until one of them turned to look directly at me. "Maybe… We'll see."

…Beep…

I was staring at the comments on my latest fanfiction, tears stinging my eyes. What had I done to earn this level of verbal abuse? All I wanted was to write stories that would make people laugh, stories that would let me escape my own feelings for a little while. I leaned over and buried my face in the fluffy mane of my white dragon- five-toed, a Chinese Imperial. He was the only one I could let see me cry; he didn't judge.

…Beep…

Hack writer…

…Beep…

It's all dreck…

…Beep…

Can't you even spell? It's Gin, not Ghin! I bet you're the sort of weeaboo who writes it Eneru and Zolo too…

…Beep…

X

I woke up gasping. Weird nightmares swam just beyond the edges of my memory; trolls taunting me about my fanfiction while monsters burned my original stories and trashed my home. Cruelty and pain… All I'd ever wanted was to write stories that would be remembered, that would make people smile even after I was long gone. Fantasy is escapist, and that is its glory… all that jazz. It was why I'd taken the art half of my degree in English instead of something my family considered useful, like anthropology or history.

The blackness above me glittered; I groped around for my glasses and tried to orient myself. Right, with the fishmen imprisoned in our cargo hold, I'd slept up on deck. It was warm enough for it. Several moons shone above me in different phases. I breathed a sigh of relief. One Piece world, not some terrible amalgamation of reality and monsters. No trolls were after me about my fanfictions, internet-type or other… OH, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

My panicked mind took stock of the whole situation, starting with my realization of a few days ago- that I had a number of Mary Sue tendencies. Fan of One Piece removed from Earth… Future knowledge… Fanfiction writer… Nami saying something out of character yesterday… And knowing my own personality and writing style as I did… I glared off into space, wondering which direction the Fourth Wall was in. Just because I couldn't see it didn't mean I didn't know it was there.

"You sadistic bitch," I hissed into the blackness. Shocked and angry as I was, I still didn't want to wake the rest of the crew. It would only lead to awkward questions. I mean, what was I supposed to say? Sorry for waking everyone, I just realized I'm a self-insert fanfic character written by some alternate universe version of myself as a method of escapism and therapy.

A chill ran through the warm air; pretty sure that was the author letting me know that she wasn't happy I'd figured this out. I rolled my eyes, knowing she could see it; she was writing this scene, after all. But I also knew she was me, that she preferred to let her characters develop as they will even when they started doing things she didn't like. Especially then, actually; sometimes it leads to interesting plot twists.

"Come on! You didn't seriously think I wouldn't figure this out, did you? I'm you; I know how you write, how you think about the world. I spent just as much time learning literary analysis as you did!"

No answer. Other me could've communicated with me if she wanted- a disembodied voice, words appearing in the woodwork, anything. She didn't want. Probably hoped that if she left me alone long enough, I'd forget this revelation and go back to sleep. Maybe I'd believe it was a dream; that's how I would've written it. Probably. But that option wasn't on the table, not this time.

"You can be silent all you want! I know you're there! And I won't be forgetting about this; you can bet your feather collection on it. I'd say you could bet your bottom dollar, but we both know you're a university student living with her grandmother, and thus broke. Probably wishing you'd turned in those forms for your TA position on time now, aren't you?"

Still no answer. I folded my arms and stared up at the sky. "It makes a lot of sense you know- especially with Nami making a Pinkie Promise. Little bit out of character there, by the way. I wouldn't have batted an eye at Chopper saying that, but Nami was suspicious."

I reached one hand up to touch my face, still raw from repeated chemical burns. It was probably going to scar. The scabs itched; seconds later, my fingers came away bloody. Screw probably; I couldn't leave a wound alone to save my life. This was definitely going to scar. "And seriously? I know we like to torture our favourite characters when we're feeling down, but this? Couldn't you have taken two minutes to Google a less dangerous way for me to fight through poison gas? Twice! But no, you're probably trying to make it realistic and only use knowledge you have on hand, despite the fact that I'm already an unrealistic freak!"

When exactly had my story split off though? And how many changes had other me made to my character? Well… The split had probably been just before the failed suicide that brought me here. I liked to start my stories off with a bang. What had really happened that day was probably similar to a point; other me was having a down day, something her classmates did made her feel worse, feel like cutting. But instead of going out into the bush and trying to end it, she sat down in front of her computer and started pouring all her emotions out into her keyboard. As for character changes… If the flashbacks I remembered having on my way home from school were based on real events, I probably wasn't really that different than other me. That… that hurt, actually. To be accused of writing a Mary Sue when you were just writing yourself in character…

"I'm sorry, I guess. I shouldn't have called myself a Sue; that was uncalled for."

The air grew warmer, but that was all the answer I received. So she was gonna do this the hard way, eh? "You don't wanna talk? Fine. But you better be a fair DM; I may be crazy, but I won't put up with any bullshit shenanigans, and I know we're bad for pulling those. I remember the horde of avenging angels we sicced on our last group."

Placing my glasses back on the edge of one of the tangerine pots, I lay back down and closed my eyes. "I'm gonna go back to sleep now, but don't you dare write that this was a dream, or give me amnesia or any of that crap. This is my story now too; or, I guess it always was, really. Where's the fun in being an insane Canadian who can analyze their surroundings until they realize they're in a fanfiction if you can't go all Deadpool on everybody?"

My body grew heavy with sleep; colours danced on the back of my eyelids. Right before I drifted off, I thought of something else. "And the way you had Johnny and Yosaku join the crew was a bit forced. Not as bad as it could've gone, I guess, but if you try something like that again, I'm calling shenanigans."

X

When I woke again, it was to someone shaking me. I opened my eyes to see the blurry form of Sanji towering over me. I scrambled for my glasses, which also conveniently took me away from the intrusion on my personal space. "Don't touch me!"

"Sorry Miss Jones!" Sanji jumped back, alarmed. "I had no idea you had a problem with it. Is- is it because of the marks the shitty captain showed us?"

"No. It's… something else. I just don't like people I don't know touching me, okay? Once I start initiating hugs and things with crew members, then it's okay to touch me. Not before."

"Of course Miss Jones!" Sanji danced like a noodle. Were his bones made of something different than people from my world? I rolled my eyes.

"Stop calling me that. It's just Jones."

"But that's not a very feminine name for a lovely lady!"

"Lovely lady?" I snorted. "Do you not see the chemical burns all over my face? With scars in between from picking at my acne? Tabarnak… I'm the least ladylike girl I know, and I definitely ain't lovely. Sure as Hell don't need a feminine name that don't match."

"Every lady is a beauty in her own way, and no amount of scarring or changing your speech will change that. I know you don't usually drawl."

I shrugged. "True. Spent too much time giving presentations; got used to making myself understood. Plus, one of my friends made up a language when we were little that requires ridiculous precision of speech to master. Seriously though; stop calling me Miss. It's just Jones. Having boobs doesn't mean I'm a lady."

"But-!"

"And don't flirt with me," I interrupted. The last thing I needed was to get in an argument with the Love Cook over what did or didn't make a lady.

"Miss Jones, I thought we'd been over than already. I'm not too young for you."

"And it wouldn't bother you if you were; you flirt with every humanoid female under the age of fifty- and some who're over, if they're still decent looking. That was mostly an excuse…" I sighed, wiping dirt off my glasses. They'd fallen into the pot during the night; damp earth clung to them. "I just can't… You look like a younger version of my father. I wasn't expecting that when I came here- this was a comic to me, I had no idea what people would look like when swapped into reality. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it is, having someone who looks like my father flirt with me?" Seriously, what was other me thinking that led her to the conclusion that Sanji should be played by the 1988 version of my dad?

"Oh- oh. I'm sorry Mi- Jones. I had no idea." Sanji dropped his cigarette in surprise as understanding washed over his face. I stomped it out and chucked it over the side. No point letting something like that damage the Merry, not when she was gonna go through enough on our way to Water Seven already.

"It's fine. You couldn't have known. Just… Whenever you feel the need to go all noodle-y around me, imagine I was Reiju or something. I know I'm not pretty enough to look like her, but…"

"I understand." The cook nodded and looked around. "Still… You shouldn't sleep out here Jones. You could get sick."

"From this? Please. I'm Canadian; we bathe in ice water as a national sport." One that I'd never participated in, but still. "This is practically tropical."

Sanji's visible eye rolled; I assume the hidden one did too, but I couldn't see, so… The cook looked up at the sky, amber clouds streaked purple with the dawn's first light. "At least come into the galley now. You can have something warm to drink while I make breakfast. Coffee? Tea? Hot chocolate?"

I yawned as I followed Sanji into his sacred domain. "You make hot chocolate with milk or water?"

"Milk, of course." Sanji sniffed. "No chef worth his salt would use water for that if he had another option."

"Good. Cafeteria at school did it with water; was nasty. Can I have it with marshmallows and peppermint?"

"Are you sure you're twenty-three? That sounds more like what a twelve-year-old would ask for."

"Well… Would you rather I asked for a double-double plus maple syrup and Bailey's? That's pretty good too, but I don't think this crew's ready for me on a caffeine high yet. Best start people with a sugar rush."

I flopped down at the table and pulled out some paper. Sanji stared at me out of the corner of his eye as he made hot chocolate and heated up the oven. "Jones… Are you insane? I don't mean to be rude; I'm just wondering cause you flip back and forth between tones and emotions like a fish with a severed spine."

"Ooh, nice simile. I might use that someday." I smiled and worked on sketching Tashigi's glasses. "As for whether I'm insane… I'm gonna say probably. Most crazy people don't think they're crazy, but I've seen what would probably be considered irrevocable proof."

Sanji's hot chocolate was the best I'd ever tasted, even with the cook shaking his head at me. Eh, he'd get over it. Breaking the Fourth Wall, world walking, and future knowledge were nothing compared to the levels of insanity we'd be encountering on the Grand Line. And at least he wouldn't be flirting with me anymore, so I counted that as a win.

I finished my Tashigi sketch as the rest of the crew were coming in for breakfast. Luffy squawked and leapt onto Zoro's back. "Sanji! You're not supposed to let Jones in the galley!"

"What?" Sanji looked from the rubber boy to me. "Whaddya mean, shitty captain?"

Nami slid in beside me, grabbing a plate and starting to eat before our illustrious captain could get over his shock and climb down from Zoro's shoulders. "Jones can't cook. Or, well, not anything most people would consider edible anyway. She nearly burned our throats out with ginger, so Luffy ordered her out of the kitchen- permanently."

"Oh."

"Don't worry; it didn't go to waste. I can eat my own cooking no problem, no matter what other people think of it. As for the rest of you…" I scowled at everyone who'd been around for my ramen. "One time does not a running gag or character flaw make. Drop it."

Luffy stuck out his tongue at me. "Never!"

Sanji rolled his eyes. "Don't worry about it. Jones won't be cooking as long as I'm around; no one will, unless I give them permission first. That clear?"

Everyone nodded; the cook huffed and lit a fresh cigarette. "Good."

The chaos of breakfast began in earnest then. I gave up on my sketching for the time being- even if Luffy no longer attacked my plate, I could ill afford important pictures like that to get stained by flying food. But there was another thing I could work on where stains wouldn't matter as much, as long as everything was legible. Since this document was pretty spoilerific, I wrote it in the Drangor words and runes my friend had invented, rather than English. I'd never have heard the end of it if Luffy had seen me scribbling the names of confirmed and possible crew mates- and their talents- in an alphabet he could read.

Of course, I think I got a couple of the letters mixed up. There are fifty-two of them- phonetic alphabet- and a lot of them look the same. I tend to get the signs for Y- as in yellow- and NG- as in helping- confused sometimes. But since the person who made the language wasn't there with me, it didn't matter.

Despite being written in said incomprehensible text, it was clear that I was writing something. Zoro picked up on this quickly, eying my paper with interest. "What's that Jones?"

"Is my name a form of punctuation when talking to me or something?" I raised an eyebrow at Zoro. He shrugged and nodded towards the paper. I sighed.

"Fine. This is a chart of people who will join the crew, people who might join the crew, and people who we'll encounter and are unlikely to join the crew, but knowing the kind of weird-ass ideas this world works on, there's still a possibility. I'm including their skills both in and out of battle. And don't worry," I glanced at Luffy, "I'm doing it in a language that no one else in the world can read."

"Okay…" Zoro squinted at the page, then shrugged. "Why though? You said you knew a couple years of the story; it could be ages before we meet these people. Do you really need this list? Especially if it's stuff you know already."

"Well, charts help me compare things, help me order my thoughts. Writing down the names reminds me of everything associated with them, which is more effective than trying to keep everything in my head while making a decision."

"What kind of decision? I'm pretty sure Luffy has final say in who joins the crew."

I shook my head. "No, nothing like that. I'm trying to figure out where I fit- party balance is important. For example… Right now, you have two monks, a samurai, three fighters, a ranger, and a rogue. That won't last forever; Nami's gonna multiclass about the same time as we get a druid- middle of an escort quest. Although I don't know if she's multiclassing as a wizard or a cleric- wizard more likely, but you never know. Now… My base class is monk, but I also have the skillset to advance as a witch or herbalist- maybe a sorcerer if I find a decent Devil Fruit, but that's not very likely."

Zoro shook his head; his eyes were spinning. Interesting; I didn't know anything could get that sort of reaction out of the swordsman. "That… that was English, but I didn't understand any of it. I knew all the words, but you put them together in a way that didn't make sense. Is that a new technique you're working on? Distract the enemy and make their head ache in the middle of battle?"

"No… Although there might be some times when it's useful, so I won't write it off." I continued my list, almost at the timeskip now. "Let's just put it this way- everyone on the crew has their own specialties both in and out of battle. I'm a jack-of-trades, so I'm trying to figure out where I'm most needed so I can hone those particular skills."

"Ah. That makes sense, at least. You're coming up with a training plan then."

"Eventually, yes."

Sanji glared at us. "Oi Moss Head, the table's for eating, not for paperwork. Do that crap on your own time."

"It's not mine Swirly Brow, it's Jones'."

"As if an angel like Jones would disrupt breakfast in such a way."

I growled in the back of my throat. "Sanji… What did we just discuss about flirting?"

"Sorry Jones…" The cook drooped. I rolled my eyes and went back to work.

Swallowing a larger-than-humanly-possible mouthful of scrambled eggs, Luffy looked over at my chart. "I can't read that and I don't understand what Jones talks about either, but does it have to do with Usopp calling himself a master gunner instead of trying to be captain? That's nice; thanks."

"Master gunner?" Nami played with her fork. "What does that mean?"

I folded up my chart and put it in my pocket. I'd finish it later, when there would be fewer questions. The Straw Hats were a lot nosier than I'd expected; I blamed Ghin and his desire to ask about everyone's hobbies. "Nautical term; it doesn't actually have any bearing on what I was doing. Where I come from, there were certain titles common among pirate crews. "Master gunner" was the officer in charge of ranged combat- everything from a slingshot to a cannon."

While no one else really cared, my explanation captured the rubber captain's curiosity. He bounced in his seat. "Tell me more! Tell me everything! I want stories about the pirates from your world! It's only fair, since you know so many stories about ours!"

"I guess… Well, depending on where they came from, pirates in my world had a number of ways of organizing themselves. The term master gunner was part of the British compliment of officers- captain, quartermaster, sailing master, boatswain or bosun, carpenter, surgeon, master gunner, rigger, cabin boy, and powder monkey. The quartermaster was in charge of supplies and public relations; the sailing master figured out how to get where they were going; the boatswain did conflict resolution among the crew; the rest… I think they're pretty self-evident. Anyone who wasn't an officer was labelled as a seaman."

Luffy made a face. "I said tell me a story, not spew lots of big words. Story! Story!"

"Okay Captain, calm down." I smiled. I knew exactly which story would appeal most to Luffy- and it just happened to be my favourite pirate story as well. "I'll tell you the story that I personally think was what inspired Oda to write One Piece- the comic that I read about this world in. And don't worry; there's no spoilers."

X

Long ago in an ocean far, far away, there was a man named Olivier Levasseur. He was the younger son of a French noble- well educated, but with little hope of any inheritance. For most young men of the time this would have meant heading into a life in the military, an officer's commission, and eventually marriage to a daughter of lesser nobility or a wealthy merchant.

But Levasseur wasn't content with that lot in life- his old tutor had raised him on tales of heroes and myths from classical times. He was particularly fond of the tales of Heracles, a man of godlike strength. So instead of heading for the military once he came of age, Levasseur spent his allowance on a ship and hiring a crew. They set out to sea as pirates, harassing Spanish ships around the Mediterranean and the coasts of Africa.

Now, Olivier Levasseur was neither the strongest nor the most feared of pirates, nor did he have the largest crew. What he was was very brave- which often got him into trouble his crew couldn't properly fight their way out of. But Levasseur and his men never ran; they were fierce as the sea itself and had the luck of angels on their side. Their captain lost his eye in one fight and his foot in another, but the crew still followed him and fought on. His enemies called Levasseur La Buze- the buzzard- for his habit of striking swiftly and without warning like a bird of prey.

For all his intelligence and ferocity though, Levasseur could never have done what he did with only the men on his ship. But the young Frenchman was charismatic too. He had many allies among the other pirates of the day- Calico Jack Rackham, Anne Bonnie, Mary Read, Thomas Jones, and many more. Somehow one of these allies was near whenever Levasseur got himself in trouble that his own crew wasn't enough to get him out of, much to the consternation of those hunting him.

Eventually the young pirate got himself enough gold to buy an island in the Seychelles, and to build an estate if he wished. But Levasseur loved the sea far more than he could ever love an island- even one he claimed as his own. He'd set out to sea for the adventure, not the gold. So he continued to raid even after he'd gained more than enough for a comfortable life, and his men continued to follow him.

One day, Levasseur and one of his closest allies led a joint raid on a huge Spanish ship, one that carried special artifacts bound for the Pope and the Vatican. This included a beautiful emerald cross, valued at several hundred million dollars. That raid was his last gamble.

With the theft of the emerald cross, the navies of several countries were after Levasseur with a vengeance. He was able to run and hide for a while, striking in small ways but never again taking a large prize. And eventually his luck ran out. One day a man o'war came upon him when his allies were too far away to help. Levasseur was captured and taken away for execution.

He stood proud on the stand, a French nobleman to the very end. As the hangman prepared his noose, Levasseur threw a piece of paper into the crowd. On it was a coded message, written in Masonic symbols and purposefully misspelled French. When the hangman asked for his last words, Levasseur laughed. His voice rang out over the square.

"Find my treasure, ye who can understand my words!"

The rope stretched; his neck snapped. People began the search for Levasseur's treasure, hoping to recover the emerald cross, but none paid any attention to the cryptogram he'd thrown to the ground. Eventually the search was abandoned; the men of the navies believed Levasseur had broken the cross up to sell the gold and gems, and so moved on. And for over two hundred years, the treasure was all but forgotten.

The search resumed when a little old lady found the message while searching through her grandfather's desk. But though she translated the code, nothing became any easier. The message was a series of clues, based on the constellations of the zodiac and the labours of Heracles. Twelve clues to lead a seeker to the treasure. But though the first eleven clues were found fairly quickly, the twelfth has never been to this day.

And we know for certain that the treasure was never taken and sold by one of Levasseur's surviving allies or crew, for the emerald cross has never turned up in any collection or market, nor have any of its distinctive component parts.

X

I watched Luffy as I finished the tale, watched as his eyes began to glow with whatever bioluminescence the people of this world possessed. I was fairly certain that the pirate king Gol D Roger was based on Olivier Levasseur, and the One Piece might very well be based on the emerald cross- even the road poneglyphs were sort of like Levasseur's cryptogram. Which raised some other interesting questions- like, did that make Whitebeard the Calico Jack Rackham of this world? I know he was supposed to be one of the characters based on Edward Teach, but just from the relationship Newgate and Roger had shared, he seemed a lot more like Calico Jack…

Even Nami seemed excited by the story- probably at the idea of finding lost riches on some lost island. "Jones… How much of that story's true?"

I shrugged. "Levasseur existed, he really did leave a cryptogram and steal the emerald cross, and his treasure was never found. Most of the rest is probably true as well, but I read that story more than ten years ago; some things might be a little fuzzy."

"Ten years…" The navigator shook her head. "I keep forgetting how much older than us you are. That was before Arlong took over my village… And you would've been thirteen? Almost fourteen? Old enough to fight back in a way I couldn't."

"That was about when I started learning karate, actually. I started late." Poking at the table, I suddenly found myself very interested in the floral pattern carved on my plate. "But, well, don't feel bad about forgetting my age I guess; the timelines don't match up, so from when the story started… From my perspective, Luffy set out from Fuusha Village when I was four years old."

Silence fell. Everyone stared at me. A glob of scrambled eggs fell off Johnny's fork, plopping to his plate with a loud splat. Yosaku dug in his ear with a finger, as if convinced it was blocked and he'd misheard me. Something beyond sound or light vibrated and pinged; I don't really know how to describe it, but I think it was the sensation of someone's brain breaking. Possibly Ghin's; he had a particularly glassy look on his face. I shrugged.

"Try not to think about it. All You Zombies has nothing on the confusion of being both thirteen years younger, and six and four years older than my captain."

Ghin shook his head, the glassiness leaving his eyes. "You live a very strange life Jones."

"Sesehihihihihi! You have no idea… And it's only gonna get stranger from here on out. Just wait for some of the things that'll show up on the Grand Line." I glanced around, still unable to see the Fourth Wall, but knowing it was there.

Hello readers. I hope you're not put off by my awareness of you, and that other me's writing isn't doing anything awful. Sorry about bringing up the mindscrew. There might be a few more waiting in the wings too… I'm not sure just yet.

X

I began working on a training routine that afternoon- practicing my karate alone wasn't going to be enough. Strength training, speed, balance, flexibility… Plus there was still my sketches and lists to work out. And willpower. I had some idea how to train Busoshoku and Kenbunshoku Haki; they were similar to the ki techniques I'd just been starting to learn at karate. The trick would be adapting them and pulling them off. The earlier the better.

Eventually, I wrote up a schedule reminiscent of something from my great-grandfather's journals. He'd died before I was born, and my father didn't know I'd seen the books… Great-grandpa was a soldier in the Romanian army when he was a young man, a carpenter and a sniper. I didn't have the talent for ranged combat, but he'd had a wonderful boot camp routine that I expanded upon.

Wake up in the morning; stretches, followed by squats, sit-ups, and push-ups until my arms shook, my stomach burned, and my legs felt like noodles. Some of the push-ups were on my knuckles to toughen up the skin and bones- all the better to punch people with. After breakfast, meditation until I felt safe to run without vomiting. Then laps around the deck of the Going Merry, switching directions every once in a while for variety. Parkour over the rails and the poop deck until lunch, then work on my sketches, lists, and any other paperwork I might happen to have- not that I expected there would be much after Loguetown. The Straw Hats weren't an organized enough crew for that. Eh, hobby time then. Late afternoon found me going through all my karate skills, from the most basic punches and blocks to the highest kata I knew. After that came dinner, then sparring with Ghin until it was time to go to bed.

That particular paper wasn't written in Drangor, so Yosaku was able to read over my shoulder as I was writing it out. The green bounty hunter shook his head, a small whining noise drawing my attention to his presence. "Can I help you?"

"Big Sis Jones… You're gonna kill yourself with that schedule."

"What makes you think that?"

"You're not writing in any time for a break; if you do that every day, eventually you'll hurt something or just collapse."

"Eh? What're you talking about? Look, meditation and paperwork/hobby time. Those are breaks. And I'll still be sleeping, and I'm sure some parts will be interrupted by having to steer the ship and deal with weather and such."

"That last bit doesn't count as a break." Yosaku sighed. "Look, you need to take at least one day off a week to let your body heal and build muscle from all… this."

As a biologist, I understood that. But as me… Well, in the last two chapters, I made the same mistake with the ammonia twice, and it wasn't entirely my author's fault. I picked absently at the scabs on my face as I finished my schedule. "You a doctor or something?" Not that anyone but Chopper could ever be the Straw Hat doctor.

"No. Just speaking from experience; Johnny and I tried a schedule like this when we were first getting into things. Lasted about a month before we passed out from exhaustion."

"Well, we'll see how long I last. I'm afraid I don't learn well from being told things like that; I have to see or experience it for myself." My crazy grin spread across my face. "Comes with being a high INT, low WIS character."

The green bounty hunter shook his head again, this time in confusion. "How is it that you're able to speak perfectly clear English, but in a way that makes it impossible for anyone to understand?"

"Eh? Just some other world stuff. Which reminds me- why do you call it English? In my world, English is the name of the language because it originated in a country called England. I'm pretty sure there's no England here."

Yosaku stared at me for a moment, another whining noise escaping his lips. "I don't- I don't know! Stop breaking people's brains Big Sis!"

"Sorry." I inclined my head, grin changing from ordinary crazy to I-just-though-of-a-really-dumb-parkour-trick-and-I'm-gonna-try-it crazy. Or Finnish crazy, if you asked my father. "Would it be better if I was speaking something other than English and no one could understand it? Wheni Yosaku; bakr-ve aaloo t'sa Jones."

"No!"

A fist slammed into the back of my head, too small to be Yosaku's. I rubbed the aching area and turned to glare at my redheaded attacker as spots danced across my vision. "Nami… Why?"

"As much as I'm glad you're getting over your anxiety enough to be a little shit, we can't afford you breaking the crew's brains more than once a day. The men can't handle it."

"Fine… I'm sorry."

"Good." The navigator sat down beside me with a compass and a map. "Now… Do you have any idea when we're going to get to Loguetown? I know we're not supposed to ask for spoilers, but Luffy keeps asking if we're there yet and it's driving me insane."

"No, sorry. Oda never really covered travel time unless it was important for a specific quest- he focused more on the action and humour, of which there were plenty."

X

Three days passed. By the second of these, my body was one giant ache from the new training regimen. I had pain in muscles I didn't know existed, everything stiff and creaky. Even my tongue hurt! I had no idea how I'd managed that one; maybe I bit it in my sleep? But I didn't tell any of my crew mates this. The last thing I wanted was to give Yosaku an opportunity to say "I told you so."

What I would give for a hot bath. But the Going Merry, wonderful little caravel that she was, had terrible water heating. Bathing was warm at best, not the steaming hot, turn-my-skin-red water that would've relaxed my muscles. Too bad we wouldn't be staying on land overnight until Whiskey Peak. Probably, anyway. I didn't remember any of the arcs in between taking more than a day or so- wait… Warship Island. Hmm… Filler… I wondered how much of that I would have to deal with. Hopefully not all of it, but probably some of the more interesting ones.

Despite how stiff and sore I was, I'd managed to complete my sketches faster than I'd thought. Although they weren't necessarily that realistic; I've always been more of a cartoonist. Still, they should be good enough that they'd be recognizable. So I was spending my current paperwork time writing shopping lists for everyone as the Going Merry drifted through calm seas.

And this region of the East Blue really was remarkably calm at the moment, even for the weakest of seas. None of the sails needed adjusting; the wind was light and constant. Nami kept checking our course just in case, but we hadn't needed to change at all since breakfast. A slow and steady pace. Everyone was relaxing on deck- or in the case of Luffy and Usopp, playing a very one-sided game of tag.

Tripping over a dozing Zoro, Usopp ended up sprawled on the deck beside me, wood grain impressed on his face. Luffy, Johnny, and Yosaku started laughing; the noise woke the swordsman over whom the sniper had stumbled. Sanji moved to boot Usopp away and yell at him for disturbing me, only to stop and turn green. Good, he was taking my advice about imagining Reiju whenever he felt like flirting with me. The cook chomped on his cigarette.

"Merde Jones, do you know how weird this is? And you're asking me to think about them."

"Ah, but she was the nice one, right? Or at least nicer- helped you leave and all." More importantly… "Sanji… You speak French? I mean, I've always known the majority of your technique names were in French, but are you fluent?"

"Um… Yes?"

"Cool. Parisian or Quebecois?"

"I have no idea what those words mean."

"Okay, time for a test then. Tabarnak."

The cook blew a smoke ring. "Never heard that word before."

"Ah. Parisian then. Okay." I smiled and pulled out a fresh sheet of paper. "This is good, very good… Does anyone else speak any languages other than English? If so, what are they?"

Everyone stared at me for a moment, then shrugged in unison before they started answering. Zoro, Johnny, and Yosaku were first. "Japanese."

Then came Nami. "Swedish."

Usopp and Ghin shook their heads. Then, surprisingly, Luffy piped up. "Portuguese- but I understand Spanish too, cause Ace spoke it sometimes when he was trying to keep secrets. I never told him I knew what he was saying." My rubber captain sounded so proud of himself, despite the fact that the languages were similar. I doubted that picking up Spanish was very hard for someone who spoke Portuguese.

"Tabarnak. And I've got French and a little German. I was hoping we'd have one in common, something we could use to communicate without the marines knowing if we needed to. Like in World War Two; British planes, ships, and such often had Welsh communications officers because the Germans didn't have anyone who spoke Welsh, so even if they intercepted a message, they couldn't understand it."

Nami nodded. "That might be useful. What if we made up our own code?"

"Nah, a code can be broken. A language is harder." This time I didn't bother asking why all the languages seemed to have the same names as I was used to. I'd wait until Robin showed up; she was more likely to know than anyone else. Unless… Other me, am I smelling shenanigans or a plot twist? I know your theories about the Void Century.

Luffy climbed up into the rigging like the monkey he was named, hanging upside down and picking his nose. "Saa… Jones could always teach us that language she writes her spoiler charts in."

"Oh no." I scooted backwards as everyone stared at me with renewed interest. Eventually, my back hit a wall. "Quite aside from the fact that I don't have the patience to teach and I'm pretty sure I'm getting some of the letters switched around, I'm not the primary creator. I helped with some of the grammar rules and such, but all the words, symbols, idioms… That's one of my best friends, not me. She'd be furious if I started teaching people our language when I can't even keep the Yet and Nga runes straight. Drangor is her baby."

Wait a second… Other me, you know she's planning on using Drangor as a key language in a novel she's trying to write. And she's used it to title one of her own fics… How the bloody Hell did you get Bluejay Blaze to let you use her language in your story? Is she… Is she your beta reader? But she hates editing! How'd you convince… Never mind. I think I know how. Hi Blue!

"Fine." Luffy pouted. "We'll just come up with our own code-language-thingy, and it'll be ten times cooler than anything your old friends could make!"

Zoro sighed and shook his head. "Now look what you've done. We don't need it, but now you'll never get the idea out of his head."

I waved a hand as I turned back to my shopping lists. "Nah, it'll be fine. As soon as some new adventure or something suitably strange and shiny comes along, he'll forget about it."

As if on cue… "Blue morpho butterfly! How'd it get all the way out here? Usopp, net!"

A rubbery red blur tore across the deck after a small blue one. Seconds later the sniper tossed the captain a butterfly net, and the air was full of swishing noises as Luffy tried to capture his prey. Other me… This time I'm definitely sensing shenanigans. I don't know much about butterflies, but I know that species doesn't just show up in the middle of the ocean without warning. Although I should thank you for the distraction.

The rest of the crew stared as our beloved captain scrambled after his blue prize. Shock morphed into laughter. Eventually, an exhausted blue morpho fluttered down to land on Luffy's hat. One by one, everyone stopped laughing as the rubber boy reached up with surprising gentleness to remove the insect from his head. Luffy smiled at the butterfly, soft and gentle, as if it were the thing he loved most in the world.

"I always liked butterflies best. They remind me of Sabo; especially the blue ones."

"Who's Sabo?" Johnny blurted out. Yosaku slapped him upside the head for being so blunt.

"Can't you see how sad Big Bro Luffy is?" the green bounty hunter hissed. "Think before you ask things like that."

"Whoops. Sorry bro."

Luffy shook his head. "Nah, it's okay. Sabo's one of my big brothers; he died when I was little. Tenryuubito blew up his boat. Ace and I miss him lots… If only we'd gotten him back sooner, he wouldn't have had to set sail that day. But we were too weak… And Sabo was the planner anyway, the one who always thought of stuff."

My captain looked like he was about to cry, like it was all he could do to hold back tears. I wanted to tell him so badly… But he'd probably hate me for that. Spoilers. And even if he didn't, what about when I mentioned Sabo's amnesia? No, it was best to keep silent for now.

Johnny and Yosaku actually did start crying, prompting Zoro to roll his eyes. "That's so sad bro! We're sorry!" Oh, they would get along well with Franky.

"Don't be sorry; you weren't there, so you couldn't do anything. Not your fault." Luffy stroked the butterfly with one finger, careful not to touch its shimmering wings. "But I never want to lose anyone like that again… Sabo died before he got a chance to be free, to write his book… Never got to even start his dream…"

The butterfly took to the air, flying a circle around the rubber boy before it fluttered away towards the horizon. Little heavy on the symbolism there. Johnny and Yosaku stopped crying with a synchronized sniffle.

"Don't worry bro! You won't lose any of us; we'll be with you til the end!"

Zoro nodded. "We'll follow you all the way to Raftel, king of the pirates."

"As if you could get rid of me now, shitty rubber." Sanji grinned and blew smoke rings at Zoro. The swordsman scowled, but didn't retaliate.

"For wealth, adventure, and a map of the world." Nami's eyes shone with soft amber light. She ran her fingers over her bracelet, probably thinking of Nojiko.

"Naturally a brave man of the sea such as myself would never let you down!" Usopp rubbed his nose and beamed- a pretty telling sign that he was scared out of his mind and didn't want anyone to know.

"Wherever you go, I'll follow, Don Luffy."

Everyone looked at me expectantly. I grinned and shook my head. "Guys, you're doing this all wrong. Now, repeat after me. Zoro, Johnny, Yosaku- You have my sword."

"You have my sword." Three voices echoed as the swordsmen shrugged, apparently deciding not to question it.

"Good. Now Usopp- And my bow."

"And my bow?" Well, it was a far cry from Orlando Bloom, but it would do.

"Okay, Ghin- And my axe. Make sure you put some attitude into it."

Dark eyes stared at me in confusion. "But I don't have an axe. And Usopp doesn't have a bow either."

I frowned, my gaze migrating down to the deck as I traced the patterns on the wood. "Fine. Be that way. Not like we were having a Fellowship moment or anything." Sighing, I looked up at Luffy. "In all seriousness though… The House of Jones has always served the king- though not necessarily this one. I swear on the white lion of my ancestors to follow you to the very end, my captain, and when that end comes, it will be such a one as is worth a song."

Nami rolled her eyes at my flowery declaration. "Yes, yes, just show us all up with your dramatic speeches. Are you a witch or a minstrel?"

"Definitely not a minstrel. I'm good with words, but passable with an instrument at best. Plus you can't sing while playing trombone."

X

We didn't really keep a guard on the fishmen, but we did check in on them from time to time. Had to make sure they hadn't figured out a way to damage our supplies or anything. Note to self, when Franky was building the Thousand Sunny, make sure he included a proper brig. And supplies aside, I was sick of sleeping on the deck. I wanted my nice, comfortable pile of crates and spare canvas back. Sleeping on unpadded wood with aching muscles wasn't easy, no matter how tired I always found myself.

Arlong smirked as I ducked in to check on them. "So witch, here to keep your promise? Here to try and make me bleed? What would your dear captain say about that, I wonder… He doesn't seem the sort to stomach it."

"Actually, Luffy prefers to leave his foes alive so they can watch their goals and dreams crumble around them, see how futile their methods were against his determination and love for his friends. It's not really mercy; for a lot of people, that's crueller than death. But you're right; Luffy wouldn't condone torture." I sat on a crate and opened my Swiss Army Knife. "To be honest… I don't either. It's dishonourable to mistreat a captive if you don't need to. Of course, I'm not always the best at doing the honourable thing, but I try."

"How very noble of you," the shark spat. I scowled.

"I understand why to you that's an insult, but where I come from nobility is something to be aspired to, not sneered at. I won't say every noble family practiced what they preached- not even most of them, probably- but Welsh nobility has since the time of Arthur. And my family started off as Welsh nobility, even if we haven't held a title for about a thousand years."

"Pretty words witch, but I see you for what you are. Soft. Weak. Hiding behind your histories and codes and strangeness because you don't have the guts or the muscle to do what needs doing."

Oh, he was good. Through luck or an ability to read more than I thought I was showing, Arlong was getting under my skin like a porcupine quill. We should've gagged him. I bared my teeth in reply. "I've tried logic; I've tried emotion. Neither of those works on you. But if I hurt you the way I want to, that just proves you right. Making you bleed now just paints me as a monster."

My anger was met by a toothy grin. "Just admit it, witch. Even at a game of wits, you can't beat me. Foolish human."

"It's a game you want, is it?" Eyes narrow, teeth bared, heart pounding in my ears- I was doing a poor job concealing my fury. This shark was calling me a loser… He just used a lot more words to do so than the people I'd grown up with. "Fine. We'll play a game. If you win, I'll even join your crew, help you get out of here."

Arlong considered this for a moment. And then, even though I'd just told him that I wasn't always as good at honour as I should be, he decided to trust me at my word. Maybe he knew it was really his only option, and thought he could beat me at whatever came up. Too bad for him. "Alright witch; I accept. What game?"

"Five-Finger Fillet." I dug my knife into the grain of the crate I was sitting on. "The point is to stab the knife between your fingers and around your hand- following a certain pattern, mind- as fast as you can without cutting yourself. There's a song to keep time. Each round gets a little faster; whoever makes it through the most rounds without cutting their own hand wins."

The fishman's skin wasn't suited to human reactions, so I didn't get to see him pale as he glanced at his webbed fingers. Pity. Then Arlong threw back his head and laughed, startling his crew awake. "Shahahahahaha! You got me there witch. No, forget witch- you're the daughter of the sea devil himself. Even Nezumi wasn't half as devious. If we weren't on different crews, I might even like you, human or no."

I shrugged. "Never piss off an author, for you will be eviscerated in fiction, your flaws left on display for all eternity. Still up for that game?"

"No. I may not like it, but at some point even I know when I'm beaten, and I'm not about to play a losing hand."

"Pun and a poker reference in the same sentence? Very nice. You're right; it's too bad we're on opposing sides. If our ideals weren't so different, we'd probably be good friends."

"Opposing," Arlong mused, "Not opposite. Interesting choice of words."

Yes, if Arlong wasn't such a racist bastard, we could've been excellent friends. "We're more at right angles than anything. I may hate you for your treatment of humans in general, but I hate the Tenryuubito more. They don't deserve the title noble; as far as I'm concerned, there's very few nobles in the world who've earned the name."

"And who might those be? Assuming I ever get out of prison, that caring would be worth anything."

Well, it probably couldn't hurt to tell him. "The royal family of Fishman Island- Queen Otohime especially. The Nefertari family of Alabasta. Outlook Sabo of Goa Kingdom- just him though, not the rest of his family. They're jerks. The rightful royal family of Dressrosa… In both senses, I guess. The Donquixotes other than Doflamingo weren't bad. Too bad he killed them all. Princess Mansherry of the Tontatta."

"Your list… They're not all human." Arlong sounded confused. I wondered why Chew and Kuroobi weren't saying anything, but they looked as mystified as their captain, and were a good deal poorer when it came to wordplay.

"Of course not. You don't have to be human to do great things- or terrible ones." Since it didn't look like I would be needing it, I flipped my knife closed.

Arlong actually looked thoughtful. I mentally congratulated myself for maybe getting through to him. Kuroobi, however, had finally found his tongue. "If there is evil in this world, it lurks in the hearts of men!"

Ah, Tales of Phantasia reference; I should've expected that, other me. A little forced maybe, but I won't hold it against you. I love that game as much as you do. Still… Do I seriously need to remind you about the shenanigans rule this often? And if you find a way to cram the Avro Arrow into the One Piece world, we will have words. And I'll still be keeping the plane. Wait… Tabarnak. I walked right into it, didn't I?

"That saying's true no matter the race or species or whatever you want to call it." I extended a mental middle finger to the writer for using my own complaints about her shenanigans to mention her favourite shenanigan. My scowl shifted from the shark to the ray. "I mean… You're not human, but what you did- enslaving Nami, demanding tribute from the villagers on threat of death- it's just as bad when you do it as when the Tenryuubito do."

"It was revenge, choo- the humans did it to us first."

"But not those humans." I shot Chew a dirty look. "Revenge is only revenge if you're getting back at the person who harmed you; if you take your pain out on someone else, it's just spreading the violence."

Chew and Kuroobi shut down. Good; I don't like having a battle of wits with an unarmed person. It makes me feel like a bully. Arlong shot me a long, considering look before laughing again. It was quieter this time, more sardonic than truly amused. "For a human girl, you remind me an awful lot of Fisher Tiger."

"I take that as a compliment."

"More devious though. I'm willing to bet you'd never fall for the trap the marines pulled."

"Probably not," I agreed. "I have trust issues, and I always have other options at the ready. Plus it was an obvious trap. Honestly? I would've let Koala stay with the crew if she wanted rather than insisting she go home. Sure, it wouldn't have been as safe for her, but she would've been happier."

"You have the weirdest mix of idealism and cynicism I've ever encountered witch." Arlong smirked. "But you say you have trust issues; if that's true, why're you being so open with an enemy? A prisoner?"

"Sesehihihihihi! You think this is open?" I let my crazed grin take over. "Arlong… The only thing I've had trouble hiding from you is my anger. You still know nothing about me, really. The mix of cynicism and idealism? That's because I'm a writer, first and foremost- I have to play many roles as I craft each story. Every character is a facet of me, a mask I slip on and off depending on their presence in the scene."

I slipped closer, unable to resist tormenting the shark by whispering in his ear. He was still tied up after all; even if I pissed him off, I was in no danger. One hand on his shoulder, I slipped around the fishman's back. "I've been a merchant. Magician. Queen. Pirate. Knight. Child. Assassin. And do you know what the scariest part is? Sometimes, even I can't tell which is the real me."

A shudder ran down Arlong's spine. He growled, upset that he couldn't hide that sliver of fear in these close quarters. "Like I said, you're the daughter of the sea devil himself."

"Maybe. I don't know what you call the sea devil, but where I come from, his name is Davy Jones." I left the fishmen alone to think about what I'd said. I wasn't trying to make an ally of Arlong; that would never be this easy. But if I could get him thinking, remind him of Fisher Tiger, then maybe someone else could finish the job. If he ever got out of prison, that is; I was still certain he was on his way to Impel Down.

Hmm… Maybe there was a way to sic Ivankov on him…

X

"That's my seat!" Luffy's indignant voice shook me out of my focus. I'd been meditating on the figurehead, as it was the only part of the ship not subject to the mad scramble of the captain and sniper playing tag. Should've remembered that as soon as they got bored, Luffy would want his spot back.

"Sorry captain. I just needed some peace and quiet."

The rubber boy made a face as I jumped back to the main deck. "Jones… You're too quiet. You didn't party, and you never play with us… All you do is train more than Zoro, then go to the hold and do sneaky things to Sharkface. Usopp says one of the mooks pissed themselves last time he checked on them, just cause he mentioned your name. What'd you do?"

"Just engaged Arlong in a civil discussion about morality. I didn't touch- well, I guess that's not true, I touched… I didn't hurt any of them."

My captain made a face. "Why'd you wanna talk to Sharkface?"

"I didn't really want to; it just happened."

"Oh. Okay, I guess." Luffy climbed over Merry's horns so he was on his seat, but faced backwards so he could still talk to me. "You should still play with us more. It'll be more fun than running in circles, and you can still train that way."

"Luffy…" I wanted to tell him that I wasn't a social person, that I didn't play well with others. Instead, I found myself on the receiving end of the most adorable puppy dog expression this side of a baby corgi. No wonder fanon!Ace and fanon!Sabo always melted so easily; those big brown eyes were like bullets to the emotions. My cat couldn't have done better. But I don't break for cu-! Okay, unless it's in defense of my own food, I fall for cute things like someone had tied my shoelaces together. I sighed and stared at the deck. "I'll try."

"Don't try. Do. I wanna play with Jones too. We're all family now, ne?"

I rolled my eyes. "Aye-aye Yoda."

"Not joking Jones." Luffy pouted. "I'll make you."

"And how do you plan on doing that, exactly?"

"Well, Jones is smart like Sabo and anti- anti- doesn't like people like Ace used to. So I'll do what I did to them."

That was… almost threatening, despite how Luffy's voice danced with laughter. Did I really want to be on the receiving end of whatever my captain used to do to his brothers? It might be painful. Before I had any time to figure out what it even was though, I was hit in the chest by a rubber missile. I flew backwards across the deck, the mast finally halting my travel. A giggling mass of red landed on top of me. I wheezed, my breath knocked out of me three different ways. Luffy quickly switched from playful to distressed when he realized that he'd hurt me.

"Ah! Jones… Oops… Sorry!"

The noise got Johnny's attention. He jumped to his feet and ran over. "Big Sis! You alright?"

Maudit, not again. Although at least he didn't punctuate it with my name like Zoro did. Breathless or not, I jumped to my feet. My ribs ached, but I couldn't tell if that was an injury or just related to general training pains. A cough and two deep breaths gave me my wind back. I growled at the two men in front of me.

"Johnny… Luffy… Run."

My captain took off with a shout of glee, delighted at having finally convinced me to join in his games rather than train alone. He was soon on the other end of the ship- I couldn't catch a quick little monkey like him. Yet. Johnny, however, was still in range, backing away from me with confused caution on his face.

"What did I do Big Si- Wah! Jones!"

Johnny was caught unprepared as I grabbed his arm and swung my leg through the back of his knee, forcing him around and down. He faceplanted into the base of the mast. I switched my grip so I could kneel on the blue bounty hunter's back and put his arm in my favourite pain hold. Shouting loud enough to be hear across the ship was hard so recently after having the wind knocked out of me, but I managed.

"THE NEXT PERSON WHO ASKS IF I'M ALRIGHT WILL BE TIED UP AND FORCED TO EAT THEIR WORDS- AND I DO KNOW HOW TO MAKE THAT LITERAL! GET THIS THROUGH YOUR HEADS EVERYONE! EVEN IF I'M LYING ON THE GROUND, BLEEDING OUT AND SECONDS FROM DEATH, THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION "YOU ALRIGHT JONES?" IS "I'M FUCKING FINE!" ARE WE CLEAR?!"

"Clear!" Johnny squeaked into the wood below me. I didn't hear anyone else's answers, but Zoro at least did me the courtesy of opening one eye and nodding. Up on the poop deck, Nami and Usopp started laughing.

"It's nice to see Jones coming out of her shell," Nami giggled. Usopp nodded, his hand covering his mouth.

Yosaku popped his head up from belowdecks, looked at how I was pinning Johnny down, sighed, and shook his head. "Well, at least you wore your brown pants today bro."

There was nothing I could think of that could make me jump away from Johnny faster than that. "Augh! Gross! Go clean up!"

"Ha! Works every time!" Johnny scrambled across the deck to high-five Yosaku. "Thanks bro!"

"No problem!"

Wait… They'd tricked me? And using a trope no less. Okay other me, maybe having them on the crew isn't a bad idea after all. I fell back against the mast as the absurdity of the situation overwhelmed me. "Sesehihihihihi! Man, you guys got me good!"

The hopeless bounty hunters beamed and flashed a synchronized thumbs-up. "Our pleasure Big Sis!"