Twelve Red Lines

by Vikingr

I expected to die when I went into the water. Instead, I was rescued by a crew of people who I knew only as characters in a story. But what does it take to become worthy of being a Straw Hat? And why are so many little details not matching up to what I know?

5. Dramatic Irony

Dramatic Irony: a discrepancy between a character's perception and what the reader or audience knows to be true.

A/N: This chapter makes use of one of my favourite theories about a certain frame in the Loguetown arc. ^_^

The Keeper Of Worlds: Yes, I am aware that Foxy offered the coins to Davy Jones before the Davy Back Fight. But Jones says she doesn't know what Arlong calls the sea devil. She's not sure what place Davy Jones holds in the One Piece mythology or if Arlong knows anything about him. As for the rest of it... Thank you. I try.

Gerbilfriend: Yes, I'm curious to see how it will go as well. For now people seem to like it, but that could change if I screw something up.

Bluejay Blaze: I know, I know. But I left that part in because no one actually wants to play "guess the beta reader" with you. You're the only person who thinks that would be fun.

Xipholynx: Thank you. I hope I continue to live up to your expectations.

The Patient One: Yes, I'm aware of the potential difficulties of adding to the main crew. One good thing about having my overgrown woman-child of a classmate as a beta reader— I get to learn from her screw ups. Poor Blue has to have a dozen charts to even remember who's on the crew at any given time— and she keeps losing them! The fourth wall thing... Yeah, I was wary of that at first, whether people would like it or not. But then I figured that I may as well give it a try, since this story is as much for my own enjoyment as anyone else's and I thought it was funny. But yes, I'm using it with caution— or trying to, at any rate. Thank you very much! ^_^

Xomniac: *stares at words for a minute and nearly faints from shock* Insanely popular writer reading my stuff... Never thought that would happen. Thank you very much! Although now I'm terrified that later chapters won't live up to your expectations of me...

I stared dumbly at my arm, split open like a gutted cod. There was no pain, at least until a male nurse with no face began sewing things back together. As he worked, the stitches climbing up my arm looked large and exaggerated- and they stung like Hell. Tiny starbursts of pain lanced up my arm every time the needle went in and out, but there was still no pain from the wound itself. Weird. The nurse grew a morbid face out of the tanned sphere of his head, grinning like a demon. I tried to scream, but no sound came out.

…Beep…

Branches cracked and popped under my feet as I scrambled through the forest. Hooves pounded on dirt and stone behind me; the air was filled with a too-familiar shriek. If I looked over my shoulder, I would see a figure in a black cloak bearing down on me atop the largest horse I'd ever seen. I broke free of the trees and began running down the road- or up, as it were. There was a towering hill there. As the Nazgul burst from the trees behind me, a concrete truck literally flew over the hill, crashing down towards me.

…Beep…

Water shone blue-violet around me, like the inside of a bubble. I couldn't tell how far it was to the surface- or even which direction was up. It didn't take long before I couldn't hold my breath any longer. I thrashed around, feeling more like someone was pressing a pillow over my face than I was drowning.

X

"Jones! Wake up!"

Zoro's voice cut through my thrashing panic. Large hands grabbed my shoulders, pinning me down and shaking me gently. Unfortunately, he was pinning me on my front; my face was still embedded in whatever was choking me. I couldn't open my eyes. A second later the pinning hands flipped me over as Zoro realized what he'd been doing. I gasped for breath.

"Sorry about that." The swordsman rubbed the back of his head and wouldn't meet my eyes. "You were thrashing around and screaming; just wanted to wake you up."

I reached back to grab whatever had been trying to strangle me in my sleep. Right, the roll of canvas I'd brought up to use as a pillow, since we still had fishmen occupying the hold. "No, it's alright; my cat's done the same thing before." I yawned. "What time is it?"

"Still early enough for your usual routine if you hurry. Breakfast's in half an hour; Swirly Brow told me to wake you up before you fell overboard or something."

"Not like you to listen to Sanji." I started stretching, although without any particular rush. Rushing a stretch would only lead to injuring myself.

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't want you falling overboard cause you were having a nightmare when you should've been training."

"Your concern is appreciated." I rolled my eyes- not that Zoro could see, since I was touching my forehead to my knee at the time. "Hey… How heavy of training weights do you think I should start with?"

"Weights?"

"Yes, weights. When we get to Loguetown, that's one of the things on my list- weights to wear on my wrists and ankles while I'm doing some of my exercises." And time to touch my forehead to my other knee. Toes to the sky everyone; you get a better stretch if you're pulling the back tendons tight during sitting stretches rather than pointing your toes out.

Zoro thought for a while. "I have no idea. You're a lot smaller than me, and you're right- I don't remember how to scale things back. Maybe… Try five kilos on your arms and ten on your legs if you can find them. And I wouldn't wear them when you're doing all those climbing and vaulting tricks."

"I know that."

X

Finally, the date I'd been waiting for arrived. That afternoon, my paperwork was interrupted by a shout of outrage from Nami. Her voice cut through the clashing blades of Johnny and Yosaku's sparring. "Twelve beri! Last week it was ten! What're you trying to pull?"

The news coo chirped and hopped backwards in case Nami tried to hit it- prudent, but unnecessary. Sighing, the navigator pulled a coin out of her pocket. "Ten is all I've got for you, and you'll like it. And don't you dare go trying to raise the price on me again!"

Newspaper dropped onto the table with a dry shuffle. The coo saluted and flew off, mournful chirps drifting backwards as it disappeared. Usopp looked up from where he was tinkering with his ammo. "Does two beri really matter that much Nami?"

"Of course! I refuse to be a broke pirate."

"Two beri isn't gonna make you go broke." Usopp rolled his eyes. The fact that he was currently working with flammable materials was probably the only thing that stopped Nami from hitting him.

"You never know!" Nami huffed and opened the paper with a snap. Sanji noodle-danced as he brought the navigator a glass of lemonade.

"You're so cute when you frown Nami."

"Thanks Sanji." I was pretty sure she was thanking him for the drink, but the cook spun away with hearts in his eyes. Seriously, how did that work? Maybe I'd be able to get my hands on a cadaver someday to have a look. Or Chopper might be able to explain it.

Johnny and Yosaku paused, the blades falling silent. "Don't worry Big Sis Nami! When we get to Loguetown, we're gonna go with Big Bro Zoro to hand in Arlong and them. Then we'll have lots of money!"

"Yeah! Arlong's bounty's more than four times anything we've collected before!"

"And most of it has to go into supplies!" Since they weren't doing anything with volatile chemicals, the former bounty hunters weren't protected from Nami's wrath. She threw the lids of her ink bottles at their heads; and for someone who usually fought with a staff, she had very good aim. "Zoro needs new swords, Jones needs more clothes, and we have all these shopping lists she's made of strange navigation equipment and other tools."

"They're important; we might regret it if we don't pick everything up." I stood up and went to look over Nami's shoulder. "Any new bounty posters?"

The navigator made a face. "I thought we were supposed to be pirates, not bounty hunters."

"We are. But bounty posters can still be useful- they give you an idea who the competition is and what they've been up to. Plus, until they get bounties of their own, we can have Zoro, Johnny, and Yosaku hand in anyone we happen to beat for more money."

"Curse you and your story knowledge. You always know exactly what to say." Nami rolled her eyes and passed me a stack of bounty posters. But she was smiling as she did so.

Hmm… Trafalgar Law- twenty million. Stole an experimental submarine from a marine base in the North Blue. I couldn't wait to blast Beatles music at him for that; pretty sure his crew would love it. Captain Kidd, Urouge, Bonnie, Basil Hawkins, Killer, Capone Bege, Scratchman Apoo… Even X Drake. There were also notices of increases on various others- Bellamy I recognized, but not most of them. Wow, there were a lot. And WOW- there was Shanks' poster. Ridiculous. The last time I saw a number that large was in grade twelve physics class. What had he done to piss the government off that much? Oh… Well, his latest stunt was skinny dipping in a public fountain belonging to some king. Didn't recognize the name. But where was…?

"Where the Hell's Luffy's poster?!" I snapped my head over to stare at Nami. "Are these all of them? You're sure?"

"Yes! Every one! Why? What's wrong?"

I dropped the wanted posters, clutching at my head. What had I changed? What could've done this? "Just before you got to Loguetown, Luffy was supposed to get his first bounty poster. It was today; the poster definitely came out the same day as the newspaper price went up."

Everyone stared at me- Nami and Usopp in confusion, the rest in disappointment. The navigator cocked her head to the side. "Isn't that a good thing? Bounty hunters, the marines… They won't be after us as hard without a bounty."

Luffy pouted. "But bounties are cool! I want one. What was it Jones?"

"I thought you didn't want spoilers."

"It's not a spoiler if it's a would-have-happened!" Ah, Luffy logic. Totally stupid and at the same time, completely true.

"Fine." I rolled my eyes. "Thirty million- between Trafalgar Law and Captain Kidd. Highest bounty out of the East Blue in ages I might add; Ace was on the Grand Line before his was higher than that."

"Cool!" Luffy bounced in place.

Ghin frowned from where he was fishing. "Was it those marines? The ones you poisoned? If they never saw the Don, or were too sick to call in a report…"

"Of course!" I turned around so I could bang my head against the mast. The action yielded a hollow thunking noise, as well as a bloom of mild pain. "Nezumi was angry at Luffy for beating up his golden goose, so he phoned in and reported on everything he knew. Arlong's defeat's why it was so high… But I took Nezumi out before Luffy beat Arlong, and we were gone before the marines regained their senses. No one in the village would tattle on the savior…"

"Is this a problem?" Zoro asked. He also placed his hand between my forehead and the mast, stopping me from punishing myself for my oversight.

"No. I'm not mad that I did it; I'm mad that I didn't think this might be a consequence." Outsmarted by my own author. How embarrassing. "Even if I intend to screw canon, I need some idea what the consequences of my actions will be so I can plan accordingly. A writer's job is to ask "What if?" That works best if I know what I'm actually asking."

Deep breaths. "It's fine. I can work with this. It makes one of my sketches almost useless, but it's fine. Stupid, stupid, I'm so stupid. Tabarnak."

"Why's planning such a big issue Big Sis?" Johnny asked. "You do fine just on your own, looks like. I still wanna know how you got that one fishman to piss himself."

"Probably because I beat his captain at the art of intimidating words and games. Fun fact- people with webbed fingers can't play Five-Finger Fillet. As for the planning… Yes, I can improvise. Put me in any situation and I can probably talk myself out, if I want to. But the journey to Raftel is long-term, and there's a lot of factions involved that you don't know about yet… Events that I want to stop or change… I don't need to plan out every speech and fight, but I need to know how changes to major events will snowball down the line. Figuring things out after the fact doesn't do much good; by that point I'm stuck with the results."

"Oh." The blue bounty hunter wilted. I knelt on the deck and closed my eyes to think.

Getting through Loguetown without a bounty would be easier. Just hide our flag and convince our captain to keep quiet until everyone was done shopping. Hell, Smoker might even help us if he thought we were just a bunch of kids going bounty hunting. But Ace used that poster to figure out that Luffy was in Alabasta; how, I wasn't quite sure, but he did it. I needed to make sure Fire Fist still got the memo that his brother was out and about. Thank the gods for newspaper; I could use the Pina Colada method. It would be an extra stop in Loguetown, but only ten minutes or so. I had time.

"Okay. I have everything under control- I hope. So, if memory serves, we should be getting to Loguetown late tonight or early tomorrow. Either way tomorrow's our shopping day. Briefing time everyone."

Usopp groaned; Sanji slapped him upside the head and dragged him away from his tinkering. The rest of the crew gathered around without incident as I began showing my sketches. "Now, due to my oversight and the resulting lack of bounty, this man will actually be the least troublesome. His name is Captain Smoker; he's the overzealous pirate catcher I mentioned a while ago. Make sure our flag is furled when we're in town and don't mention the fact that we're pirates in his presence."

I flipped to my next page. Zoro grunted, but didn't say anything. Well, maybe if he was expecting it, he wouldn't freeze around her. "Chief Petty Officer Tashigi. She's Smoker's right hand, but that's not what makes her dangerous. We can't avoid her; or at least, Zoro can't. Barring some bizarre occurrence, she will be in the shop when you go to get new swords. Tashigi wants to collect all the legendary swords and keep them out of the hands of pirates and bounty hunters- yes, that includes taking Wado Ichimonji from our swordsman. That said, if she doesn't figure out who you are, she'll be pleasant and helpful. I would suggest introducing yourself as Zolo and claiming membership in a dojo on a neighboring island; you need the extra swords as graduation gifts for a pair of black belts who are up for grading."

Next came a collection of pirates. "Luffy, Zoro, Nami… You probably recognize most of these. For everyone else- these are Buggy the Clown, Cabaji, and Mohji. The third may or may not be accompanied by a large lion with a pinkish mane. Joining them is Iron Mace Alvida. Luffy's encountered her before, but she's had a major makeover- weight loss, freckles faded, new outfit, the whole shebang. Buggy wants to kill Luffy and Alvida wants to marry him- as far as I can tell, anyway- so keep an eye out and warn each other if you see them."

Glowing pink heart eyes from Sanji's direction. Of course. "She's gorgeous! What did the shitty captain do to get a woman like that after him?"

Luffy thought for a moment- or maybe he was constipated. The expressions looked the same on him, painful and determined. "Alvida… She was the whale who'd caught Coby, right? All I did was yell at her for being an asshole, then punch her. She flew really far."

A black dress shoe met a rubber skull; the shoe won. "Shitty Rubber! How dare you hit a lady!"

"She was holding my friend prisoner!"

"Can it, Cook," Zoro interrupted before Sanji could say anything more. The blond huffed and flipped the swordsman the bird.

"Thank you Zoro. And last," I flipped to another sketch, three people together. I wasn't sure if two of them would be in the city, and even if they were, it was unlikely that anyone on our crew would see or interact with them. Better safe than sorry though. "The man in the center is Dragon the Revolutionary, the most wanted man in the world. To his right is his chief of staff, and to the left is the revolution's assistant fishman karate instructor. I don't know if they'll all be around, but Dragon definitely is. He's not an enemy; I'm including him because his proper name is Monkey D Dragon; he's Luffy's father."

"That's my dad!" Luffy squinted at my drawing. "I don't look anything like him! Wait… Is that a spoiler?"

"No. Dragon's done precious little in the story, even after nineteen years of comics. That he's your father is really the only thing I know about him. Spoilers would be if I told you anything about the other two- especially the chief of staff."

"Oh. Okay."

Johnny and Yosaku looked at each other with an expression that suggested they were grateful they'd worn their brown pants- and that they weren't bluffing this time. "And what're we supposed to do if we see these guys Big Sis?"

I shrugged. "No idea. Mention that you're on his son's crew and back away slowly I guess. Any more questions?" No one. "Good. I also have a shopping list for each of you, divided based on your specialties." I passed out the lists.

Nami immediately waved hers in my face. "Jones, what's this? A log pose? I've never heard of that before."

"Special compass. There's weird magnetic fields on the Grand Line that screw up normal compasses; basically, this is one that points to the next island instead of north. I'm sure the shopkeeper can tell you more. You'll want the sturdiest one you can get- regardless of price."

The navigator looked like she was about to protest being told to spend more than necessary. Then she looked at Luffy- who was growing bored with my briefing and was aggressively flicking boogers at Usopp's head. And no, I'm not questioning how one can flick boogers aggressively. "Okay, I see your point."

X

What I wouldn't give for a map of Loguetown. To qualify- I hate big cities, especially when I can't find where I'm trying to go. Ghin rolled his eyes and grabbed me by the ponytail before I could bash my head on a nearby stone monument. "Calm down Jones. We'll get there eventually."

"I don't want eventually; the sooner I'm out of here, the better." Everything was shaking; my heart raced and my breath came in ragged pants. That was why Ghin had come with me instead of going off on his own- Nami had recognized the signs that I might pass out soon and warned people against leaving me alone. Guess she was worried I'd end up unconscious in an alley somewhere.

Gods above and below, it was like someone had dropped me alone in Toronto or something. If Ghin hadn't been there, I probably would've passed out. I'd be fine once I was in a quiet store in some back alley somewhere- the fewer people the better, a little ma and pop place- but first… "Maudit! Where's the bloody post office?" I had my ad all written up, all I needed was a couple minutes to mail it to the newspaper. Tears leaked out of my eyes beyond my control. Everywhere we went I was leaning on a wall, not trusting myself to remain upright. This was a thousand times worse than going to a bar alone.

My companion was worried, the gears working in his head as he tried to think of a way around my prohibition on asking if I was alright. I didn't blame him. At this point, I was clearly not fine. Ghin grabbed my shoulder and shook me, just enough to keep me grounded. "Jones… I won't ask; you're not alright. What's wrong?"

"S-social anxiety. S-sometimes if there's a l-lot of p-people… C-certain situations make me p-panic. Only- only if I don't have my friends with me usually. It's n-never been this b-bad before." My hands were shaking; I tried to focus on that to ignore the ringing in my ears, to block out the people I knew were all over the next street. Ghin and I were currently in an alley off the main drag- my anxiety was making it difficult to navigate in the city.

"And you barely even trust your own crew…" Shaking his head, Ghin shifted his grip from my shoulder to my hand. "Try this. Just walk behind me; focus on my back. I'll hold on so you won't get lost." The former Krieg pirate chuckled. "If I wasn't seeing it in front of me, imagining you like this would be funny. I mean, you had no trouble facing down Arlong."

"Snarking a single enemy's different." Ghin was right, it was better if I just focused on him. The noise of the crowd still pounded around me, but at least it was bearable. "Only one or two people to worry about; I know how they'll react, which buttons to press. This is… Too many, too loud, can't focus, can't think, don't know what to do."

"And you've lived your whole life like this?" That's right, focus on Ghin- his back, his hand, his voice. Stupid author… Why'd you have to keep this part of our character intact?

"No. I was fifteen the first time- it happened it the middle of my grade ten French class. I was already done my work, so the teacher didn't think it was weird when I put my head on my desk and pretended to go to sleep. I thought it was a one-time thing… But it's been getting more frequent as I get older. This is the first time it's happened when I was with someone though."

"And we're here." A bell dinged above my head as Ghin led me into a little shop. The door closing helped immensely, blocking out the sounds of the city. Instead of smoke and people, I smelled bird poop and paper. I dropped Ghin's hand and stared at the floor. It was stained with something dark that I couldn't identify.

"Thanks… I- I wouldn't have expected that from you."

"Well, you don't know everything. Don Krieg may not have allowed men with problems like yours to join, but some people developed them after dealing with him too much. You need to learn to trust your crew mates- Straw Hats do that, don't we?"

"I know. I'm working on it."

Behind the shop counter, a little old man in a uniform cleared his throat. "Can I help you two?"

"Ah, yes." I pulled a salt-stained paper out of my pocket. "How much is it to take out an ad in the Sunday paper?" My hands were no longer shaking, though I still fiddled with the note as I spoke.

"Two hundred beri." The postmaster looked me up and down, taking in my faded, frayed, and stained clothes. He didn't seem impressed. I reached one hand up to grab my necklace.

Tabarnak. I hadn't thought to beg money off Nami before coming. Or maybe some latent instinct of self-preservation had steered me away from that level of debt. I froze, mouth moving like a fish. Ghin shook his head and pulled out a handful of coins, dropping them on the counter. "Give him the note Jones."

I did. The postmaster sniffed, but packaged the letter and money and sent them off with a burly, sullen news coo. It pecked me as it swooped past out the window. The postmaster stared at Ghin and I with hooded eyes. "Was there anything else?"

"No, we're fine. Thank you." Ghin grabbed my hand and pulled me to the door. The postmaster's drawling voice followed us out onto the street as the bell chimed again.

"And a good day to you too sir."

"Thanks. You didn't need to do that." I once again focused on my crew mate's back as he led me through the crowd.

"I know. But it's not like I need anything, and you didn't give me a list. Afraid that was all I had though. You'll need to get money somehow before you can do your shopping. Do you know how to pick pockets?"

"No."

"Locks?"

"Kind of, but I'm really slow and not very skilled. No good for burglary; just getting into my own house if I lock myself out."

Ghin led me into the back streets, far enough away from the main crowds that I could focus and stop shaking. "How about gambling then? Are you any good at that? If we find some change on the ground…"

"Dice. I'm good at dice. Not cards though; don't understand the rules."

"Good. That's good." Ghin grinned. "You'll only find cards at the big fancy places the nobles like. Dice is all along the docks and back alleys."

"You've been here before?"

"I was born here Jones. Just let me lead the way and we'll be alright."

That gave me an idea. Anywhere there were shady dice games, there would be cheating. And in a place like Loguetown where the alleys were the property of gangs and pirates… "If you were born here, do you know which gangs claim which territory?"

"It's been a few years- Krieg didn't come here, he was scared of Smoker- so the borders might've changed, but I know where they used to be. I was a member of the Red Dragonets myself until I set out to sea."

"Not looking for them." I ran my fingers over rough brick and stone. In some ways Loguetown reminded me of visiting the older parts of Montreal; similar styles and construction. "Know where the Barto Club holes up?"

"Barto Club?" Ghin frowned up at a gargoyle, thinking. "They were pretty new when I left, but gaining territory quickly. If they kept going at that pace, they probably run half the city by now- or more. But they started down on the south docks, so if they're still around, you can definitely find them there. Why?"

I pulled out the pen Usopp had given me and drew Bartolomeo's mark on the back of my left hand, large and shining black. "We're gonna run a con. Find someone from some other gang on Barto Club territory, spook 'em into giving us their money, and run 'em off. Gimme your hand."

Ghin obliged; I marked him the same way I'd marked myself. "Now, once we find someone, let me do the talking."

"You sure you'll be able to talk? South docks are some of the busiest parts of the city."

"If I have a goal in mind and a mask I can wear, yes. I'll manage; just like serving in a restaurant. But fair warning- I won't sound like myself. Don't comment on it, or you'll give us away."

"Aye-aye Jones."

It didn't take us long to find Barto Club territory- and according to Ghin, we were actually nowhere near the south docks at the time. The former Krieg pirate showed me where to look for gang marks on the walls and what they meant. It was a little like looking for the Thieves' Guild signs in Skyrim, actually. And it took an even shorter time before we found a dice game being run on Bartolomeo's territory by two members of Ghin's old gang, the Red Dragonets. I separated from my companion, slipping into one of my many masks as I approached the wiry, scrappy men.

The blond saw me first. "Come to place a bet, Little Miss? We've been doin' fair well, but yours could be the luck that changes the tide." He used his mandolin to gesture towards the heap of coins and bills he and his partner had amassed.

Said partner was more cautious. A tall man with overlong black hair, he grabbed his energetic companion and held him back. "Hang on a second Miguel. She's got some mark on her hand. Which gang're you from Missy?"

I raised my hand so they could see the mark. Hopefully pen ink would pass as a recently done tattoo. "Boss Barto ain't gonna be 'appy when Oi tell 'im a couple o'Dragonets been playin' on 'is toif. Specially not a pair o'bimbos whose dice is loaded as a bloody noble's wallet." I laid the accent on thick, a mix of Aussie, Newfie, and 1920s gangster.

"You're one o'Barto's?" The blond- Miguel- looked stunned. "I didn't know he let girls run with 'im."

"Need some proof, Mate?" I made a show of rolling up my bloodstained sleeves, preparing for a brawl. In this context, the scars on my arms weren't the marks of an attempted suicide; they looked like signs of previous battles and initiation rites. I grinned at the pair of Dragonets, Finnish crazy.

That simple threat seemed to do it. Successful intimidate check. The raven shoved the blond, fixing him with an accusatory stare. "You gave me loaded dice?!"

"What?" The blond stumbled back, stunned. Ooh, I knew this routine! Except there were no guards around for them to steal swords from. And no bull on the other side of the nearest building- or at least, there better not be.

"Listen fellas, I were just sent ta warn ye this toim. Leave the dough an' fuck off. Boss Barto'll be noice if ye keep yer arses off 'is toif."

Fear filled their eyes. Nodding, the two Dragonets took off. Something clattered as they scarpered; they'd dropped their dice. Not even regular dice either; full polyhedral. And what a nice set it was, loaded or not- no, I didn't know if they were actually cheating. Ghin and I had only watched long enough to make sure there were no real Barto Club enforcers around. I pocketed the dice before my companion and I got to work counting the money.

Ghin whistled. "Not bad Jones. Was that just luck, or do you know how to pick a mark?"

"Nah. I just know that Bartolomeo has a pretty vicious reputation. If we really were his, those two wouldn't have gotten a warning. They'd probably have lost fingers instead of just cash. Really, I was doing them a favour."

Chuckling, Ghin shook his head. "Should we look for more, or do you think this is enough?"

"This should be good." All told, there were thirty million beri on the cobblestones in change and assorted bills. There were also three brass buttons, a map of an island I didn't recognize, an ivory armband, two uncut rubies, and a beat-up muffin tin. Nice haul. We left the muffin tin though- Sanji had brought a much better one with him from the Baratie.

I rolled down my sleeves and looked up at the sky. Clouds like wet cat fur were already rolling in; we were behind schedule. "Okay, priorities- clothes, tools, weapons, den-den mushi, and an occult shop."

"So you're gonna keep up the witch charade then?"

"Yeah."

No, dear readers, I did not torture Ghin by taking him to the clothing store Nami went to in canon. Everything there was too elaborate and girly for my tastes. A small, colourful shop on the cheap side of town suited me much better, even if it did smell strongly enough of smoke to make even the Loguetown's famous captain cringe. I'm pretty sure some of it was marijuana smoke too; it had that sort of unpleasantly pungent scent. Still, nothing a good wash or three wouldn't get out.

I kept things close to what I'd come to this world wearing- black pants, purple shirt, a new red bandanna. A couple bandoliers and a utility belt- all black- gave me ample storage room for any tools and weapons. What else…? I picked up a red and white coat for when we were in Drum. A dark blue armband with a white lion rampant- I'm calling authorial shenanigans on that one, but I still bought it. The coat of arms of my family. And a hat. Needed one of those at sea; we'd be under the open sun a lot. I wasn't sure of the proper name for the type I picked, but it was black and glossy and the same kind of hat Uncle Indiana wore. Fedora, maybe?

"You'll need to tie your ponytail lower," Ghin said as we exited the clothing store. Since I was already in the process of doing so, holding my hat in my teeth, I rolled my eyes.

"No shit Sherlock."

I won't bother listing everything I bought in the way of tools and miscellaneous equipment. Let's just put it this way- I love Batman and MacGyver and I had a couple years of future knowledge. I prepared for every situation I could fit the answer for in my utility belt. Nothing big though; carrying a messenger bag like Usopp did would mess up my parkour.

We didn't go to the same weapon shop as Zoro, Johnny, and Yosaku; actually, Ghin and I stumbled upon one kind of by accident. It was wedged in between a tattoo parlour and a seedy pub called The Devil's Drum, and gave off a distinctly scuzzy feeling. Judging by some of the types of weapons displayed in the greasy windows, this place was sitting on the fence between the law and the black market. Lovely.

No bell rang as Ghin and I entered, but within seconds the proprietor had emerged from the back room and was eying us with suspicion. He was older than dirt, but his hands still looked like he could split stone with them, and he had a scar on the left side of his face- universal One Piece symbol of extreme badassery. "What're you kids doing here?"

"Looking." Ooh, darkened steel sais with black-wrapped hilts. Weapons work wasn't my specialty, but I'd still feel more comfortable having them if I needed them. And my staff wouldn't cut it against a sword. Sais were easier to carry while doing parkour anyway.

"Little young to be lookin' around a place like this."

"I'm twenty-three," I told the man as I tested the points of the sais. A tiny sting, a drop of blood; much sharper than anything I'd trained with on Earth. Not that the point was what you generally used- actually, most sais were blunt- but if I had to get stabby, I wanted a good one. "Why does everyone always think I'm younger?"

The store keeper laughed, harsh and rasping. "Maybe cause you still have pimples and your eyes're the size of a seagull's head."

"Lovely image, thank you. You could've just said they were huge." I shuddered as I imagined myself with seagull heads for eyes. Weird.

Suddenly curious, I looked over at Ghin. He was examining a wall full of firearms- right, tonfa may have been his main weapon, but anyone willing to pull a gun on Red Leg Zeff had to be a decent shot. "Ghin… How old're you?"

"You don't know?"

"Nope. You never said." I should come up with a code word for when I was talking about my comic knowledge around civvies.

"Oh. Twenty-seven." Ghin frowned at one of the guns. "Hey, what's this? I've never seen anything like it."

"You've a good eye sir." The proprietor went over and took the firearm down from the wall to give my companion a better look. "New model from the West Blue; it can fire six shots before needing to be reloaded. Bullets go in this drum here, which spins after each shot, see? Course, they have to be made special in a different shape than a regular gun, so ammo's pretty expensive."

Making a face, Ghin handed the pistol back. "New tech; I don't trust it. What if the drum got stuck? I'll stick with what I'm used to. Couple of flintlocks and a few dozen rounds for me. Jones?"

I stared at the six-shooter- and then at a display by the counter that made me grin. "The dark sais, that whip- the black leather bullwhip there- and the six-shooter. With as many rounds as I can get for a hundred thousand beri." It would take my budget for the occult shop lower than I liked, but this was important.

Ghin shot me a skeptical look. "Do you know how to use the whip and pistol?"

"Nope." And it didn't bother me at all.

"Want me to teach you how to shoot at least? I don't know whip, but I can do that much."

"No, I'm good."

"If you don't know how to use them, why do you want them?"

"Family tradition." I paid the shop keeper and slid all my new weapons into place. As for ammo… turned out that what I was willing to pay got me twelve bullets. Modern piercing bullets too, not round shots like Ghin's flintlocks took. Although that would only ever make a difference if for some reason I was forced to shoot my own captain. Ghin shook his head at my answer.

"Where next?" Ghin asked as we left the scuzzy weapon shop. He sounded tired and was starting to get the same worn, suffering expression as my uncles when my grandmother forced them to go shopping with her.

"Den-den mushi. I know we'll get one eventually, but I don't know when or where and I want a way to call allies."

"Do we have any of those?"

"We will."

Anxiety or no, I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing when I saw the name on the den-den mushi shop. Indigo and Bond Mushi Depot. IBM. Really, other me? Really? Well, at least you didn't find a way to call it Microsoft or something.

The proprietor here was a young woman with elaborately styled hair. Her name tag said "Bell," because no matter how many times I call her out on it, my writer won't stop with the shenanigans. One wall was lined with tanks full of snails, munching on lettuce and staring at each other with dull eyes. On the opposite wall were shelves full of different models of comm rigs. The girl smiled as Ghin and I walked in.

"Welcome! What can I do for you today?" Bright, cheery, and fake. I knew that particular smile, having often employed it myself. She'd probably been here all day, bored with the slow business; ten bucks said her feet were sore and she was counting the minutes until either shift change or closing.

"Um… I'm looking for an adult den-den that's still small enough to carry around. What kind of rig would you suggest?"

Ghin rolled his eyes as I stuck my hand into a tank full of snails. A few of the molluscs came over to examine my fingers. One, an acid green runt with a purple and red shell, licked me. I picked it up and looked it over. Not that I really knew what I was looking for. But from what I knew about giant snails from my world, this little one looked fully grown. About the size of a large grapefruit, the den-den was more active and curious that I would've expected from its species. It enjoyed trying to lick my glasses.

The girl at the cash went to the rig shelves and started panning through them. "For that? Well… If you think that little guy's the way to go- and I agree, he's small and seems to like you- I'd suggest an Evergreen 2012 rig. It's a little old, but has more range than a lot of the newer ones and is very durable. My little cousin threw hers hard enough to kill the poor snail, but the rig was still fine."

There was a soft squelching noise as the den-den I was holding pulled its head into its shell. Poor thing was terrified. Well, I had to assume they understood at least some English; they were exposed to language often enough. I was a little miffed that the girl was calling the snail a him though- didn't she know they were hermaphroditic? But maybe this was just a summer job for her, like the cashier at a retail pharmacy who might not know anything about most of the medications.

"Sounds good. I won't be throwing it around or anything, but our crew can be pretty… boisterous."

"Understatement," Ghin coughed into his hand. The shop girl beamed.

"Wonderful! Is there anything else?"

I considered the question for a moment. There were video den-den… It would set me back even more in my occult shop budget, but I could get one of those and start a pirate TV show. Or… Could I breed radio den-den? It couldn't be hard, could it? Old style radio mystery stories like The Silver Shroud, a country classics hour Sunday mornings, War of the Worlds-type pranks… Nah, there were already other fanfics where the SI had that kind of schtick. And my erratic anxiety might make a TV show difficult.

"No, we're good." I patted the little den-den on the shell as I took it to the counter to get the rig put on. "Little Samsung's all we need for now." There other me, happy? I can do shenanigans too.

"Excellent! Now, you'll need to pick out a number so I can set up your rig."

"Is area code (705) 671-7171 available?"

"By area code, do you mean island code? Let me check…" The shop girl bit her lip as she flipped through an absolutely massive phonebook. "Yes. 705- Drum Kingdom's island code. I don't know where that is; do you?"

"Yes." Oh, that was perfect. Chopper wouldn't run up long distance charges if he wanted to use Samsung to call home.

It didn't take long for Samsung to get its rig put on. Poor snail trembled the whole time. It was much happier once I'd picked it up and given it its own pocket in my utility belt. Little green eye stalks poked out to look around. Ghin took my hand again as we prepared to leave; the shop girl squealed when she saw.

"Oh my God! Are you two dating? I had no idea! Would you mind if I took a picture to show my brother and his boyfriend? They're always to worried to hold hands when they go out because they never see other men doing it."

"What?!" I squawked, "We're not dating!"

Ghin shook his head. "That's what you're upset about Jones? Really? Not that she thinks you're a guy?"

Yes. I was totally used to that mistake; I usually encouraged it. "Sorry Ghin. You're a good man and a wonderful crew mate, but I'm afraid I'm not attracted. I've always wanted a big brother though." I rubbed the back of my head with my free hand. "And why would I be mad that someone thought I was male?"

"Because you're not?" The tonfa wielder sounded so confused. I froze.

"Oh, uh, right. Forgot that I haven't talked to anyone about that yet. I'll, um, I'll explain later." Unfortunately, the shop girl caught on to my meaning- or at least part of it- before my subtle nudging could encourage Ghin out the door.

Her eyes went wide; she made a little squeaking sound. And while she was lost for words, her reaction was enough for Ghin to catch on. Being illiterate definitely didn't mean he was dumb. "Wait… Neutral name… Jones, are you some sort of reverse okama?"

"Umm… Not exactly?" I fiddled with my necklace, staring at the cobbled stone of the floor. Drop it, drop it, let's just head for the occult shop, I willed. Too bad telepathy didn't work. Ghin shot the shop girl a look that promised pain if she eavesdropped; she suddenly became absorbed in listening to messages on one of the shop's den-den mushi.

"Jones…" Okay, Luffy and Zoro might be able to do the Sensei voice, but Ghin knew the mom voice. I was never telling him my full name.

"Why does it matter? It's not like there's gonna be much time for dating or anything while we're on all these adventures."

"It matters because as your crew mates- as your family and friends- we don't want to say or do anything that'll make your already weird and erratic issues worse." Great, tell him I'd always wanted a brother and he immediately plays the family card. He and Ace would get along great.

"Fine…" I wound my fingers through fine brass chain, twisting and knotting, tugging everything just a little too tight only to let it fall back to normal right before the chain could snap. "I- sometimes I feel like a girl, and sometimes I feel like a guy. Sometimes I'm both, or neither… I don't feel like I fit in any of the boxes, I'm just me. So no, being mistaken for being male doesn't bother me; it means that I look the way I feel- somewhere in between." I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood. "A lot of people don't like that. My family included. I'm used to not talking about it."

Ghin nodded. "Well, that sounds like it's definitely part of your problems. Zoro told me how they found you." A callused finger slid into my sleeve to trace the lowest of my scars; I was grateful for the subtlety. "But you know what the Don'll say when you tell the crew? He'll say that as long as it makes you happy, then it's fine. Zoro will grunt and go back to sleep, Usopp will tell some silly story about a woman who can turn into a man whenever she wants, Nami'll question you til she's blue in the face about whether it'll affect your wardrobe and budget. Johnny and Yosaku… They'll probably laugh and brush it off, but they'll never say anything bad. And if they do, just go up on the poop deck when one of them has a midnight watch shift and they'll both be too embarrassed to ever look at you again. No idea about Sanji; he'll probably just be confused."

"You've got everyone pegged pretty well, don't you?" Then my brain caught up to my mouth. "Wait… Johnny and Yosaku?"

"Yep. What? You're surprised?"

"On second thought, not really."

That weight off- having told someone and received a positive reaction- made the anxiety somewhat better when we left the IBM Depot. It also helped that I had Samsung to play with; I fiddled with its rig as Ghin and I walked, figuring out how to set alarms and ringtones. I'd have to record myself whistling a few tunes from my world… Or maybe not. How was that song available as a ringtone on a den-den mushi rig? Shenanigans! But this story's pretty meta anyways, so why not?

By the time Ghin found an occult store, I was beginning to be seriously worried about timing. The rain hadn't started yet, but it would come down any minute. A cool, green-tinged wind swept through the alleys of Loguetown; Dragon was preparing to do… something. We had to hurry; I wanted to get to the square in time to see Luffy get hit by lightning.

He's probably the only person you can say that about and not come off sounding like a total douche.

Thirteen silver bells chimed; the scent of rosemary hit me in the face. Ghin coughed as we stepped down into the store. As well as smelling like an Italian kitchen, the shop was very warm and brightly lit- in a large part due to the enormous fireplace at one end. Candles flickered by every shelf, the better to read lacy silver script on books and boxes. Stone and metal glinted everywhere; a stuffed alligator hung from the ceiling in stereotypical fashion.

Ghin looked around with a suspicious eye, not understanding most of the items on display. "What exactly are you looking for Jones?"

"The basics. Alchemy supplies, a couple books about herbs, some crystals and candles, a chalice, an athame, a wand… You can wait outside if you like." Oh, this was a wonderful place. I could spend my whole life in stores like this. Now that I was used to the rosemary, I could smell leather and old paper, silver polish and fresh sawdust. A small fountain burbled somewhere beyond my sight.

"No, I think I'll stay."

"Suit yourself." So many books… Lovely, lovely books bound in tooled leather. I'd only ever seen such books on antiques shows. And I'd never read any of these titles before; paradise. Voyage of the Absinthe: A Witch's Guide to the Herbs of the World. The Fivefold Tome of the Five Moons. The Grand History of the 101 Most Famous Devil Fruits. Unfamiliar Familiars. Davy Jones' Locker: A Grimoire for the Magickal Traveller. And so many others… Too, too many books. I sighed, knowing I couldn't afford to buy them all.

Most things were easy to pick out; there wasn't a great deal of variation in alchemy supplies or candles. I made sure to choose a higher end athame, even though that meant I could only get two books instead of three. The box claimed that the blade was made of silver and kairoseki; you weren't supposed to cut anyone with an athame though, unless need was very dire, so I'd probably never know. As far as my library, I chose Voyage of the Absinthe and Davy Jones' Locker. I really wanted Unfamiliar Familiars too, but it would be less useful to both the witch masquerade and my use of science.

Like any good Potterite, I saved the wand for last. Obviously, I couldn't swish them around and see sparks fly out the end. This isn't that kind of story. But I still tested several, feeling which one was most comfortable in my hand. The one I ended up with was slightly twisted aspen, about twelve inches or so long, with a lovely knot right where I put my thumb.

Ghin just shook his head as I took my selections to the counter. Then he froze, grabbing my sleeve and tugging. "Jones, look."

I turned to the display that had caught my companion's attention. Gods above and below- a Devil Fruit. In a store of all places. How had the owner managed that? I didn't recognize the fruit though; not one that had been shown in canon. Citrus-shaped, electric blue, it was about the size of my fist. It was also mostly hidden, my view of it blocked by a stack of dusty books and a jar of what appeared to be pickled seahorses.

A tiny, balding man fell off a stool behind the counter, startling me. I hadn't even seen him there. The man was shaking in his boots, looking at me and Ghin like we were Akainu. "Please don't hurt me! I don't know where it came from- just appeared on my wife's lemon tree this morning!"

Well, that was an odd reaction. Wouldn't it make more sense for a shopkeeper to be proud of finding a fruit, and to charge millions of beri for it? I frowned, glancing at Ghin, before turning to the panicky shopkeeper. There was only one explanation I could think of- "You know which one it is?"

"Of course!" A little bit of irritability snuck through his fear, quickly hidden again. The man pointed at a bookshelf with a shaking hand, indicating The Grand History of the 101 Most Famous Devil Fruits. "The Force-Force Fruit. Historically very unstable- either does nothing at all, causes its own user to explode, or… Or, in the hands of a smart enough user, allows the performance of miracles."

Then the storekeeper slowly rose from his hiding place, shooting me and Ghin odd looks. He was still shaking, though. "You… You mean… You two don't know which Fruit it is? But… Almost anyone who studied Devil Fruits in any capacity would know it on sight. Pirates, marines, nobles…"

Ghin folded his arms. "Well, clearly we haven't studied Devil Fruits." Although he was shooting me a look that asked why I hadn't heard of it. I was too busy worrying about something else to try and answer it, though, because…

Tabarnak. Shenanigans! I call shenanigans! I looked around for the Fourth Wall- invisible, as usual- flipping my author the mental bird. Repeatedly. Seriously other me, you know fruits are based on creativity and perception; you know where my mind goes when I hear the word "force." You want me to get that fruit, don't you? But what if I need to swim?! Like when I pulled Ghin under the Baratie to avoid the gas. And even if I wanted a fruit, it's too soon! I haven't had enough time for character advancement yet!

…I really wanted that fruit…

Biting my lip, I bowed deeply to the storekeeper. "We're sorry for scaring you. We didn't know…"

The storekeeper's jaw dropped; he let out a surprised whimper. "You- You don't want it? You're not going to try and take it, or even buy it from me?"

"Eh?" I shook my head, my ponytail slapping against my face like a thousand tiny whips. "We couldn't afford a Devil Fruit, especially one like that. No, it'll just be these for today." I deposited my selections on the counter, doing my best to appear non-threatening.

Ghin looked like he was about to say something about us being pirates, maybe about taking what we wanted and how that was expected of people who sailed under the Jolly Roger. I stepped sideways and stomped on his foot. Rather than speaking, the former Krieg pirate hissed and moved away from me. A heavy hand swatted me lightly upside the head.

"What was that for?"

"We can't afford the Fruit. End of story. Just… Drop it. Please?"

"Fine…" Ghin sighed heavily, reaching over to poke me in the forehead. "Now… Don't stomp on my foot like that again. It's annoying, and you won't like what I do to people who annoy me."

"Okay. Sorry."

Not that I didn't want the Fruit, but… I flipped my author yet another mental bird as I paid for my witch's kit, handing money to the storekeeper as he continued to shake- now with relief. The occult angle suited my pre-existing knowledge and talents better anyway. Maudit… The temptation though. Mean writer…

A few drops pattered against the windows; the rain was finally starting. "Come on Ghin, we need to get to the main square. In about ten minutes, D will bring a storm… Or be in a storm at least… Regardless, there will be Ds and there will be a storm."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"For once, neither do I." The rain and the time limit overrode my anxiety. There wouldn't be many people on the streets now anyway; they were all either indoors or in the square. I didn't wait for Ghin to hold my hand this time. I ran.

The cobblestones were already slippery under my feet. It didn't help that I was adjusting to new weights bought earlier that day; my balance was off, each step heavier than I was used to, each arm movement carrying more momentum. Rain whipped into my face from Dragon's stupid green wind, dripping down my glasses and making it impossible to see. Hmm… I wonder why no one's ever made windshield wipers for glasses. Maybe I could get Franky to invent some when we got to Water Seven.

Between my rain-drenched glasses and the weights, there was a set of stairs that I was unable to see in time to stop. It was a short flight on the edge of the main square, coming down from a raised walkway beside a bank. "Tabarnak!"

The world shifted into slow motion, as it often did when I screwed up in parkour. At least this time I wasn't doing a kong vault over a five-foot drop. I could catch myself easily enough, but with the training weights and all the weapons and such I was carrying, it was gonna be murder on my wrists and ankles. Oh well, as long as my glasses didn't get broken. I braced for impact.

Except it never came. A hand grabbed me by the back of my shirt, holding me airborne like a naughty kitten. I looked around, but couldn't see who it was through the rivulets of water. Having glasses sucks. There was some blue, but other than that… Whoever it was, they were pretty tall though. I squirmed, but no matter what I tried, my feet couldn't reach the ground.

"Are you alright Miss?" Unfamiliar voice asking hated question- not a crew member. Instead of trying to reach the ground, I twisted around and tried to kick whoever was holding me.

"Easy, easy." The tall person put me down. "Sorry; I thought you needed help."

I took my glasses off and wiped them on the edge of my shirt. It did no good; the rain was getting heavier. And squinting with my bare eyes didn't help either. Blurry blue and black, with a lighter patch where a face should be.

"No, it's fine. Thanks. Sorry I overreacted; I- I've never been here before, and I don't like people touching me at the best of times." I bowed, karate style. My rescuer returned the gesture in a more British way.

"Understandable." There was a huff of laughter, but not enough for me to identify him by.

Squinting through the rain, I could sort of see the execution stand. It was still standing, and there was something moving around on top of it. "Um… Can you see what's going on up there? Sorry; it's just, with my glasses…"

"Of course. I have a few minutes; my boss is occupied elsewhere and I've already completed what he asked me to do. Buggy the Clown's captured a young man in a straw hat. Or boy, actually- he's currently trapped in the stocks and trying to scratch an itch somewhere on his face."

I nodded and listened more carefully to the noise of the square. Even as far away as I was, Buggy's voice was audible if I paid attention. "-for which the punishment is a flashy death! Be honoured Straw Hat- I'm going to kill you in the same place the pirate king met his end!"

"Straw Hat doesn't look particularly concerned by that statement," my companion noted wryly. I grinned.

"No, he wouldn't be. My captain's the sort to laugh in the face of danger."

"Captain?" Water splashed off a dark blur above my companion's head as he cocked his head to the side. So it was a hat of some kind then. "He's a little young for the title… And you don't look like a marine."

I shook my head, water splashing off my hat. "We're not even close to marines, and Luffy'd punch you in the face for suggesting it. He wants to be free; marines aren't. We're… adventurers." Since I couldn't see who I was talking to, I didn't know whether it was safe to tell him we were pirates or not. "Treasure hunting, bringing in a few bounties, having fun…"

"Bet his grandfather won't be too happy about that."

"What?" Well, Luffy did look like Garp. Anyone who knew the old marine would probably figure it out.

"I- I don't know." My companion shook his head. "Sorry. I shouldn't be making comments about your captain's grandfather when I've never met him. Aren't- aren't you going to try and get him out? I think Buggy really means to kill him."

"He'll be fine."

My cool confidence was shaken a moment later. Not because I was any less certain the lightning bolt would come- if Dragon was controlling it, there's no way he would let his son die this young. But it's one thing to know that intellectually, and another to feel it when you can see the flash of a moving sword even through the blur of rain and distance. Another thing to keep yourself calm when you hear Zoro and Sanji's wordless shouts of panic, denial, and anger ringing out across the square as they raced towards the stand. It was another thing entirely to remain still when Luffy's voice washed over the crowd loud and clear, strong and calm and so much more serious than I'd imagined it when I first read the comics.

"Zoro! Sanji! Ghin! Sorry guys- looks like I'm dead!"

"LUFFY!" He hadn't seen me, didn't know I was there until I shouted, but that fact didn't register with me until later- because for several minutes, all I was aware of was ringing in my ear. I wasn't the only one shouting from this side of the plaza. And the other voice was that of my unknown companion, screaming in my ear.

Extra weight or not, I was halfway across the square in the second before the lightning flashed, adrenaline giving my feet wings. The man I'd been standing with was actually ahead of me with his longer legs. Then a flash of blue-white exploded through the air, blinding and painful. I closed my eyes and didn't bother to open them; I was already functioning more or less without them anyway. Thunder shook the air. Somewhere to my left, someone screamed. A woman, I think, although it could've been Bartolomeo. Then came a series of pops, cracks, crashes… The collapse of the execution stand. A rubbery thud somewhere amid it all that was Luffy falling to the ground.

I opened my eyes again due to tripping over a piece of rubble. This time the person who caught me was familiar- Ghin. Zoro and Sanji were nearby, warding away Buggy's crew mates with swords, shoes, and cigarette. Not that anyone would've been willing to come near even if they'd been unarmed and wearing powder pink tutus, their glares were that fierce.

Sorry, dear readers, for that scarring mental image.

Off behind me, I could hear Smoker shouting at his men. "Don't let Alvida and Buggy escape! Bring out the kairoseki nets! Let's move it people! And someone dig out the kid's body so we can give it to his family!"

A rustle of straw; a rubbery snap. "Ah! Not dead; that's nice."

"Luffy!" My blurry blue companion from earlier appeared to be smothering my captain. Since I was confident in Luffy's ability to at least hold him at bay for a little while, I turned my attention to Smoker as the marine captain approached. Zoro, Sanji, and Ghin shared my opinion.

"Straw Hat's alright?" Smoker put out a cigar on a piece of rubble, lighting a fresh one immediately afterwards. I pulled my bandanna up over my nose so I didn't have to smell it.

"Yeah." Zoro sheathed his swords. "Captain's got a Devil Fruit; crushing him's not really an option."

"But the lightning…"

"Rubber's an insulator." Sanji blew smoke rings and wiped sopping strands of hair out of his visible eye.

"Gum-Gum Fruit," Ghin clarified when Smoker still looked confused. The marine captain nodded.

"So you're more members of that bounty hunter crew that brought Arlong in? I'm glad your captain's alright; we need more kids like you working with the marines. Soldiers can't get everywhere."

A marine who approved of freelance bounty hunting? Odd. Tashigi seemed to think so too, as she squeaked in protest somewhere in the distance. No words though. Then again, this was Smoker, the wild card who was willing to follow Luffy to Alaba- Tabarnak. Ace wasn't the only one whose presence down the line was affected by the bounty poster.

Luffy finally managed to poke his head out of the blue blur's clutches. "We're not bou- hey! Someone help this guy- I think he's hurt. Someone get him some meat!"

The sudden change was jarring, but probably saved our bacon. Everyone froze in confusion, even me. Then, in the awkward silence, I started to hear a voice in my head- the one that accompanied all the workplace safety videos I'd had to watch. I knelt down to have a look at the blue man as Luffy squirmed free. Now I was able to angle my hat to keep the rain out of my eyes; I wiped my glasses clean on my pants and got my first good look at the blue man's face.

You've probably already guessed what I saw. Fair skin that met red, twisting scars, still angry and raised ten years after their birth. Soaked golden hair that poked in wavy, haphazard spikes from under a battered black top hat. Cracked blue goggles. Closed eyelids fluttering as the mind underneath processed years of missing memories. He had a slight fever, but no visible injuries.

"No, he's alright."

Luffy crouched next to me with a frown. "You sure Jones? One minute he was hugging me and being all weird, then he went floppy like a dead fish!" My captain poked Sabo's cheek.

"I'm sure; he'll be fine. He just needs some rest. If you're worried, we can take him back to the ship and keep an eye on him until he wakes up- although his boss might come for him first."

"Okay. Let's do that." Luffy picked Sabo up over his shoulder. Zoro, Sanji, Ghin, and I fell in around our captain as we started to head back to the Going Merry. Smoker stepped in front of us before we could go far.

"You should take him to a hospital."

Red flag, red flag! No way could we take Sabo to a hospital- even if this world didn't have the same sort of medical records and such as I was used to, leaving the chief of staff of the revolutionary army in a hospital would only lead to him getting discovered. Maudit! The problem was Smoker; he was a halfway-benevolent authority figure, especially right now when he didn't know we were pirates. This, naturally, meant that the idea of talking to him terrified me. I stared at the ground, memorizing the stitches on the marine captain's boots as I tried to figure out what to say. Zoro nudged me when I'd paused for too long. That turned out to be exactly what I needed.

I straightened my spine, clicking my heels together as I snapped my head up to meet Smoker's gaze- or at least make it look like I was. As usual, I was employing the trick of staring in between his eyebrows. "We can't do that sir. This man is a member of our crew with highly specialized medical requirements and a chronic psychological ailment. Unless the doctors at your hospital are willing to allow me free reign in their facilities, his care is better handled on our ship."

A dubious raised eyebrow was my response. "You're a doctor, Miss?"

"I spent five years working in a surgeon's office and have extensive experience with herbs and mental disorders. For this man's particular case, you'll find no one in this world more qualified than me." Smoker didn't need to know that I'd been the surgeon's filing clerk, that my experience with mental disorders was mostly in suffering from them, or that the reason I was qualified to look after Sabo was my knowledge of his backstory and amnesia.

Smoker paused for a moment, considering. Then he nodded and stepped out of the way. "Please make sure you contact the hospital if you need any assistance."

"Of course."

My legs felt like jelly as we walked away. I couldn't believe I'd done that; it was like some sort of demented job interview. As soon as we were out of sight of the marines, I found myself leaning over on Zoro. "That was- that was terrifying." My everything was shaking. The swordsman sighed and patted my head.

"Well, if you have to be a compulsive liar, at least you make 'em believable."

"Words are a form of self-defence too, like a feint while fencing. The pen is mightier than the sword."

Zoro chuckled and patted my head again. "In your hands, at least."

There were no further events or interruptions as we headed back to the ship through pouring rain. I kept looking around for Dragon, but he was nowhere to be seen. Nami, Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku were waiting at the rails when the rest of us got back to the Going Merry. Sanji immediately started to yell at the sniper.

"Oi, Longnose! That Elephant Bluefin better be stored properly, or I'm gonna fry you!"

"I know how to unload groceries!"

Sanji chomped on his cigarette. "I'll be the judge of that." He stomped off to the kitchen as soon as he was aboard.

Luffy took Sabo into the men's cabin while the rest of us prepared to set sail. Just because Smoker didn't know we were pirates yet didn't mean we were about to stick around for him to find out. The wood of the deck was slick, and the rigging was swollen with water; gripping and maneuvering was hard. I found myself tying off a foresail line next to Zoro as he raised the anchor.

"You were right about that Tashigi woman and her sword collecting thing. Annoying. We're not gonna be running into her again, are we? Don't think she'll believe the dojo story after what happened at the square." Zoro spat the word story, his distaste at being told to lie evident.

"We would've, but with Smoker not being after us… Barring any bizarre disasters or plot twists, no, I don't think we'll be seeing her again any time soon." And no, that was not a suggestion, other me.

It wasn't long before Luffy came out and joined in the work. He frowned at me as he hauled one of the lines on the mizzen mast. "Jones… Who's the blue guy? You said he's my dad's chief of staff, but… If it was just that, he wouldn't have hugged me like that. Do I know him? He looks kinda familiar."

I wiped my bangs out of my eyes. My hat was doing nothing to keep the rain from plastering them to my forehead. "You knew him… A long time ago." Tabarnak. I hadn't expected to be having this conversation anywhere near this soon.

Luffy poked my cheek. I shoved his hand away; he whined in retaliation. "Tell me! Tell me!"

"Wait for him to wake up. He can tell you himself."

"Stingy." My captain pouted, an expression that made him look much younger than his seventeen years.

X

The rain let up faster than I was expecting. We were barely out of sight of Loguetown. With the calming of the storm, less adjustment was needed- everyone was able to rest for a moment. I sat down on a rail; with all the shopping, today was already out as far as training was concerned. That would be the usual case when we landed, probably.

I pulled one of my new books out and began to read. Herbalism- right up my alley. Voyage of the Absinthe focused both on biological aspects and symbolism of the plants. Absorbed, I was about thirty pages in when a heavy thump and vibrating rail indicated that someone had come to join me. When I looked up, I saw Ghin leaning on the rail and Johnny and Yosaku standing in front of me. The hopeless bounty hunters were fidgeting; Johnny had something hidden behind his back.

"Guys… What's going on? Did Johnny and Yosaku steal Zoro's haramaki or something? I'm not gonna protect you; actually, I'll probably laugh while he beats you up."

"It's not that," Yosaku assured me. I frowned.

"Then what's up?"

Ghin stared at the sky. On anyone else, I would've said he was trying and failing to look innocent. From Ghin, the expression looked more like a self-satisfied smirk. He wasn't wearing his headband; he looked younger without it. "You know, when Luffy wants something, he starts to drool and his eyes glow."

Johnny nodded. "And Big Bro Zoro frowns and smiles while his eyes get all white."

"Big Sis Nami's eyes turn into beri symbols," Yosaku added.

"Okay… Is this going somewhere?"

"You're hard to read Jones." Ghin huffed. "Your eyes don't do anything, and it's weird. But in the occult store you saw that fruit and looked like a lost puppy. Also like you wanted to kill someone, but I figured it'd be best to leave that alone unless it was me. So when you ran off, I went and found these two clowns. While the Don was getting himself blown up in the square, they went to the occult shop and picked up the fruit."

Yosaku frowned thoughtfully. "Shopkeeper seemed awfully keen to get rid of it, actually. Like he thought if it got out that he had it, someone would come after him." The green hunter shrugged.

"What?!" I dropped my book. Beaming, Johnny pulled a box from behind his back and waved it around.

"Of course, we can't give it to Big Sis for free. She's gotta help us with something first!" The blue bounty hunter's face was the definition of a shit-eating grin.

Merde, I wanted that fruit. Whether to eat it or to throw it away, I couldn't decide yet. Stupid, stupid writer, doing this so early in the story! "What do I have to do?"

"Well, we were hoping you'd know a way to make Big Bro Zoro lose his cool. Stealing his haramaki doesn't work, and we're too scared to touch his swords."

"Seriously? That's all?" Then- "Wait? You've already tried stealing his clothes?"

Yosaku nodded; Johnny bit his lip, his grin still in place. The green bounty hunter continued where his partner had left off. "We'd prefer something where if he gets pissed off, he won't know it was us."

That was… a dangerous proposition. And for better or for worse, I knew exactly what to do. "While he and Sanji are sleeping, arrange it so when they wake up, they'll almost kiss. They'll be so ticked off at each other, they won't think of whether anyone else might be responsible." Prank advice… That was an absurdly cheap price to pay for a Devil Fruit, even one most people considered useless. "This isn't everything, is it? I'm basically your prank bitch until further notice, aren't I?"

My answer was a pair of brilliant smiles and rattling nods. A wooden box thumped onto my lap. I sighed and glared at Ghin. "You… I blame you."

He shrugged. "I don't make the shits, but I'm not above disturbing them.

X

The whole crew was in the galley, having dinner. A splatter of mashed potatoes smacked into the side of my face; I turned to glare at Luffy. He whistled and looked away. So… The potatoes were intentional, vengeance for me not telling him anything about the gentleman currently lying in the men's cabin. Huh, I didn't know my captain had it in him to be passive-aggressive.

"Sorry Captain, but I'm tired of being Miss Exposition. Besides… In this case, it's better if he explains himself."

"Stingy!"

I wondered how long it would take Sabo to wake up. It was about three days in canon, right? But those were different circumstances. And… What if Dragon came for his chief of staff? Explaining why we had Sabo would not be fun. There had to be a way to wake the blue gentleman up faster… Maybe… He had an extraordinary big brother instinct in canon, but that was after Ace had died. Would it still exist now?

"One moment please." I excused myself from the table and went belowdecks. Knocking was pointless; no one was conscious inside to answer. So I climbed down to the men's cabin and sat on the floor beside the couch. I placed my hand on Sabo's forehead. Good. His fever had already gone down.

"Outlook Sabo, if you can hear me, you need to wake up. Monkey D Luffy's in danger of being eaten by a giant crocodile."

"Not again!" Sabo shot off the couch, grabbing his pipe faster than I could blink. "Ace, get the…" He trailed off into silence. I waved.

"Girl from the execution square. You're not Ace." Sabo sat down and rubbed his temples. "I have the Grandpa Garp of all headaches. What happened? Is Lu alright?"

"Come with me and see for yourself."

Heeled boots clicked behind me as I led Sabo through the Going Merry. Wasn't he supposed to be a guerilla fighter? How could he pull stealth ops when his footwear made that much noise? Well, I mean, he could change his shoes or something, but from what I'd seen on screen and paper, no one ever did that here.

As soon as I opened the galley door, a blur of blue shot past me. "Luffy!"

"What?!" My captain was subjected to a taste of his own medicine as he was knocked to the floor by a flying blond. Wow. Two years less to mature made Sabo a lot more affectionate. Or maybe it was because Koala and Hack weren't here, so he didn't feel the need to be professional.

Luffy wriggled free and climbed onto Zoro's back, peering over the swordsman's shoulder. Zoro's reaction to this behavior was to shake his head and place a hand on his swords. "Who're you?"

Sabo sat cross-legged on a bare patch of table, earning a growl from Sanji. The blue gentleman ignored the sound until the cook went to kick him; in that case, a steel pipe whipped up to block. Mournful blue eyes stared at Luffy as a black-gloved hand fiddled with the edge of a blue waistcoat.

"And I thought I was the only one who didn't remember." Sabo placed his pipe so it was leaning against a wall and took off his hat, running his fingers around the band that held his goggles in place. "Lu… When I saw the stand get hit by lightning, I thought you were dead. Crushed, burned, broken… I'm so glad you're alive!"

Dark brown eyes stared at Sabo's hat, too deep in thought to respond. That didn't keep Nami from glaring at the blue gentleman, her eyes glowing red. "Who the Hell are you?"

"Lu- Luffy never told you about me? I'm his big brother."

Usopp frowned. "You're Ace? Luffy and Jones talk about you sometimes, but it sounded like we wouldn't be meeting you til we were pretty far down the Grand Line."

Two heads shook- a blond in denial, a raven in disbelief. "No, I'm not Ace, although I'm glad to hear he's doing alright."

"He's Sabo…" Luffy's voice was the quietest I'd ever heard it, as if he thought this was a dream and he was afraid of waking himself up. "Sabo's… not dead?"

"No Lu, I'm not. I'm right here."

Luffy jumped from Zoro's shoulders, launching himself into Sabo's chest. This had the side-effect of sending our swordsman ploughing face first into the table. Everyone was spattered with droplets of salt water; Luffy's eyes were overflowing.

"Sabo!" His brother's name was the only coherent word the rubber boy was able to form. Luffy's tears made short work of soaking through Sabo's waistcoat and shirt. The blond gentleman didn't seem to mind, patting my captain's back and grinning.

"Heh. You better not let Ace see you like this Lu. You know he hates crybabies."

"Ace's gonna punch you for being gone so long," Luffy mumbled. Sabo nodded.

"I know. I'm so sorry about that; I was hurt bad when my boat blew up. Hit my head… And a few other things. I didn't remember anything before waking up in the infirmary until I saw that stand get hit by lightning… I thought you were dead… If you were- God Luffy, if you'd died and I'd been that close and not able to save you…"

Luffy raised his head and grinned. "But I'm not dead, so it's all good, ne?"

"It is indeed. So Lu, how bout introducing me to your crew?"

"Oh yeah!" My captain squirmed around until he was sitting in his big brother's lap, able to point each of us out in turn. "That's Zoro! He fights with three swords- so cool!- and he's gonna be the greatest swordsman in the world one day. Jones calls him the bosun cause he's good at stopping people from fighting- unless he wants to fight them too. He sleeps and drinks a lot."

"Don't go putting words in my mouth Captain," I growled, "I never called him that."

Ghin patted my back. "Just give up Jones. You're the one who told him about those titles, and pirate stories are the one thing that never leaves his head."

Sabo, overhearing Ghin, laughed. "Right on the money; you've pegged my little brother perfectly. Go on Lu."

My captain grinned and obliged. "Second's Nami! She's a thief and the best navigator ever! Or sailing master, or whatever. She grows tangerines on deck, but she says I'm not allowed to eat them."

"They've barely even sprouted!" Nami reached over to slap Luffy upside the head. He was too excited about having Sabo around to notice.

"Shishishi! Nami's funny! Then that one's Usopp, master gunner, sniper… thing. He makes all kinds of cool bullets and shoots even better than Yasopp!"

The sniper flushed and rubbed the back of his head, beaming with pride. "Well, I did just beat Daddy the Father in a shooting competition. It's how I won these neat goggles- shot right through the eye of a weathervane!"

"And for once, he's not lying," I added before anyone could question it.

"Sanji's the cook; he makes the best food ever! Even better than Makino's! But he kicks me out of the galley all the time; it's not fair. Only Jones should get kicked out."

The cook in question blew a smoke ring at Luffy. "Shitty captains who eat everything are even more of a problem than Cordon Bleurgh chefs. I'm not changing my mind."

Sabo laughed; Luffy pouted as he continued. "The one with the cool dragon jacket's Ghin. He's the oldest and he has weird tonfa with cannonballs on the end. Ghin knows lots of things about how to make Merry go faster, and he's the best at switching all the lines around. I bet he and Nami could sail her on their own if they had to! Or, well, Nami already can… Ah! And Ghin follows Jones around a lot because she helped him escape from some marines, even though she says he could've gotten out himself. I don't really get it."

"Gak!" Sanji choked, nearly inhaling his cigarette. I slapped him hard on the back in an attempt to help, wondering what was wrong. Zoro rolled his eyes.

"Leave Swirly Brow on his own Jones. He'll be fine."

"Shitty Moss Head." The cook sat down with a huff.

Luffy beamed at the commotion before moving on, waving his hand at our apparent Weasely twins. "Those're Johnny and Yosaku. They worked with Zoro when he was a bounty hunter, and they do everything together. Even watch shifts. They're wimps, but they're funny! They even managed to prank Jones using one of her own word game things."

The pair drooped. "We're not wimps… We just can't come close to Big Bro Luffy, Big Bro Zoro, and Big Bro Sanji."

"And the last one's Jones. She makes my brain hurt lots and keeps doing stupid things that burn her face. We don't know much about her yet cause she's like Ace and doesn't trust people even when they're her friends. Jones's stingy and won't play with Usopp'n me, even though I know she wants to." Luffy pouted. "And we still don't have a musician."

Sabo hugged Luffy tightly, resting his chin on golden straw. "Well, it looks like you've got the start of a good little crew here. And I suppose I should thank Jones; if she hadn't come tearing down those stairs and asked me to describe what was happening in the square, I wouldn't have been looking when the stand… Fell…" The blue gentleman was silent for a moment. Of course; his dream had been to write about his adventures. As both a writer and a tactician, Sabo was used to asking "What if?"

Then a brilliant smile lit up that scarred face. "Ha! You didn't even know I was alive, and I still got to see you and your crew before Ace! He's gonna be so jealous!"

"Mhm!" Luffy nodded. "He's gonna punch you twice! Oh! Wait! Sabo- Jones says you work for my dad. If we're brothers, does that make him yours and Ace's dad too? Ace might like that better than… You know…"

"Probably. Wait… You have a dad? DRAGON IS YOUR DAD?!" Sabo grabbed Luffy's face and pulled it around, examining every detail. "You don't look anything like him!"

"That's what I said too! But Jones says he's my dad, and she knows lots of stuff, so she's gotta be right! Or… I guess she could be lying. Jones lies a lot, but it's really hard to tell cause even her lies sound part true. But I don't think she'd lie about this!"

"I would never-!" I scowled at the table. "Yes, I lie a lot. I try not to, but I can't always stop myself. Especially when I'm scared. And I leave a lot out, even when it wouldn't be a spoiler. But lying about who your father is could endanger the crew! I would never do that- or, well, not intentionally."

The light coming in the portholes dimmed; everyone stared at me. I shrunk into my seat, trying to disappear into the deepening shadows. Even without looking at anyone directly, I could sense their emotions. Confusion. Distrust. Wariness. Exasperation. Pity. Maybe I should've tried harder to tone down my erratic behaviour; I knew people couldn't always keep up, that they'd think I was crazy. Sanji had already mentioned it. "Sorry…"

No one said a word. A chill ran up my spine as the shadows grew even darker. Then a deep voice came from behind me, rough and sardonic. "Well, she'd not wrong. Although I'd like to know how she got that information."

Merde. I turned my head slowly, unable to bring myself to look up. Dark green fabric met my gaze; the hem of a cloak. A lump of fear swelled in my throat. Oops. I cringed, instincts screaming at me to hide under the table. For a moment I ignored them; then my brain caught up, reminding me that in this world, I didn't have to follow the social conventions I was used to. This wasn't a job interview or a class- this was a very dangerous man who I may or may not have just pissed off. So I slid down off the bench.

Dragon grabbed me before I could get fully under the table, hoisting me up by the front of my shirt. "Are you a spy? I knew Father couldn't keep a secret… Who do you work for? How did you find out about my son?"

I couldn't answer. My lips formed words, but no sound was coming out. More shivers were running up and down my back now, like trains flying past each other. And then Dragon growled and glared, and the train was no longer running on a track in my spine. It was coming straight for me, crashing against my mind. I have no idea if Dragon gave me a full blast of Haoshoku Haki or not, but whatever I experienced was more than enough.

It started with a wash of light, every colour of the rainbow, that filled my vision. Then came the sound, a relentless B flat played on the world's largest trombone. Pain and cold were next, the sting of an entire blizzard of whipping snow frying every nerve. The scent of the sea filled my nose; my mouth tasted of blood. And the emotions… crushing depression and insignificance, worse than I'd felt the night this whole thing began. I wanted to faint- or puke, I couldn't decide. Maybe both? Both sounded good.

Right before I passed out, a low growl cut through the chaos of sensations. "Put. Her. Down."

Rubber swished through cloth; I dropped to the floor with a thud. If there was any pain from the impact, I couldn't feel it, still caught up in the aftershock of Dragon's will. My brain didn't want to function; I could barely breathe. All I could do was curl up into a little ball, shaking and soundless. Luffy stood over me, glaring up at his father.

"What did you do to Jones?"

"She wasn't answering me; I gave her a little taste of what happens to spies when I catch them. I can't afford to go easy on someone like that; especially not when it comes to you."

"Jones isn't a spy; she's a member of my crew. And yeah, she knows lots of things she shouldn't, but there's a reason. I don't think she'd want me to tell you though."

Dragon looked like he was about to argue; Sabo stepped up beside Luffy. "Sir… Dragon, I don't know this girl well enough to vouch for her personally, but I know Lu. He's always been able to tell if someone had good intentions or not. If he trusts her, we can too."

"And she did keep Smoker from taking your chief of staff to a hospital," Zoro pointed out.

"And how do you know my son?" Dragon demanded of Sabo, turning his glare away from me for a moment. The blue gentleman gripped the brim of his hat with one hand.

"Sir… He's my brother. I- Before you met me the night Grey Terminal burned, I was a runaway. I spent five- almost six- years as a runaway, living in the woods with two other boys because I hated my noble family. Those boys were Portgas D Ace and Monkey D Luffy. We exchanged sake and became brothers…"

"So your memories are back." Dragon's voice was less angry now, but darker. "Does this mean you'll be leaving us?"

"No! Of course not! I believe in the revolution, and even if I'm worried about Lu, I trust his crew to look after him- even Jones. Lu's always had good taste in friends." Both the revolutionary leader and the blue gentleman looked down at me, Sabo smiling, Dragon with grim consideration.

Still shaking, I uncurled and struggled to find my voice. "D-Dragon… You asked me who I w-worked for… I serve Monkey D Luffy, king of the pirates."

"See?" Luffy glared at his father, fists clenched at his sides. Dragon considered him for a moment, then… Laughed?

"Shehehehe! Well, at least you grew up strong. And a pirate, eh? That's fine by me. So you're aiming for Roger's old throne?"

"Yeah." Luffy nodded. "We're gonna be the best. The strongest, the freest… I promised Shanks I'd meet him again with a crew even tougher and cooler than his."

Dragon grinned, though he was still eying me with suspicion. "You have a lot of confidence in your crew… And they have a lot of faith in you as well. I look forward to seeing where you go… My son. But keep in mind, if I find out this Jones girl's been spewing things she shouldn't know to the wrong ears… She won't last the night."

The most wanted man in the world spun away in a swirl of green. "Come along Sabo; the ship's waiting outside."

Grabbing his pipe, the blue gentleman made to follow his leader. He paused at the last moment. "You guys… Thanks for looking after my little brother. I know he's a handful, but you seem to be doing a good job so far. Still… You have a den-den mushi, right?"

Samsung poked its head out of my utility belt without anyone having to answer. Sabo spotted the snail as it inched to the table to steal Yosaku's carrots. "Good. Give me your number."

That was not a request. I scribbled the number down and gave it up; Sabo folded it and slipped it into his pocket. "Thank you. I'll purchase a den-den of my own shortly and give you the number for that; the only one I have right now is for work, not personal calls. Expect to be hearing from me frequently." Heeled boots clicked on wood as he swept out of the galley.

For several more minutes, no one moved. Even Zoro was shaken from meeting Dragon, though he'd been one of the ones to stand up to the man. Then Sanji cleared his throat, reminding everyone that we had yet to finish our food. Like that, the spell was broken. We all resumed our places around the table. I let out a shaky chuckle and shoved some mashed potatoes around my plate.

"Before anyone asks… No, I did not see that coming." Well played, other me, well played.

X

For the first time in several days, I was able to go down to my place in the cargo hold to sleep. One of the fishmen had left a present for me, in the form of a dead and rotting cod bundled up in my bed. No, I don't know how he got it. I growled and threw the fish corpse out a porthole before flipping the canvas all around to the clean side. I'd have to wash it the next day, but at the moment I was too tired to care about the smell.

Too tired and too down. I just couldn't shake off the effects of Dragon's will. So small, so weak… Pathetic. Pain and fear and crushing weight. Wasn't there a weapon that did something like that in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? Showed you how very tiny you were in the scheme of the universe? And I was no Zaphod Beeblebrox- there was no safety net for me to bounce back from that. My forearms twinged.

Without thinking, I rolled up my sleeves and pulled out my knife. The blade gleamed in the dim light. But… I'd promised that I wouldn't. It was so hard though… Well, I'd only promised not to try suicide, hadn't I? Promised that I'd do my best to live with the time I was given. Maybe if I didn't go too far, just a little pain was alright. So I kept the scratches shallow, barely enough to draw a single drop of blood. By the time I'd drawn each line, the previous one had already clotted. And I traced them over the scars my crewmates already knew, so they'd be harder to see. Twelve faint, stinging lines.

"What do you want from me?" My voice came out a choked sob. Quiet, and yet far too loud in the lonely dark. "You sit behind your keyboard and throw these situations at me, hurt me… All I can do is keep going and try not to be a Mary Sue, hope my mood swings don't make your writing look like a hack. If you're looking to live vicariously through my adventures, I can't help you. I'm just as weird and broken as you are."

A shift in the clouds caused a beam of moonlight to move, sliding sideways until it lit up the box Johnny and Yosaku had given me. I coughed out a solitary bark of laughter. "You're still on about that? Really? I told you, it's too early in the story. I haven't had enough character development, haven't really done anything. I don't deserve it yet."

That didn't stop the temptation to open the box from being very strong. Eventually it proved too much for me; I flipped open the latch and looked inside. The fruit had been electric blue sitting in the store. Under the moonlight like this, it seemed to glow like Luke's lightsabre in A New Hope. Yes, the Force-Force Fruit is a Star Wars reference, I get it.

"Most of your abilities can be replicated with Haki anyway," I accused the fruit, remembering the Jedi Path book I'd bought two years before in Chapters. The fruit, being a fruit, didn't reply.

It made me wonder why, though, the shopkeeper would've been so scared of people knowing he had it. So quick to give it away. An erratic fruit that either did nothing or allowed miracles… Actually, there were probably a lot of people willing to take that gamble. And unlike the native of the One Piece world who'd be stuck figuring things out through trial and error, I knew the source material.

The images wouldn't get out of my head. Being able to push people back without touching them. Lifting things with my mind. Not having to get up when I dropped a pencil. And maybe… Sith lightning? Would that work? If a Devil Fruit's only limit is your imagination of the power, and I knew the powers available to both light side and dark…

Hmm… Would a Force Devil Fruit in a non-Star Wars world force me to deal with the Light and Dark sides? Or would it just grant me free use of the powers? I'd rather not have to screw around with all the philosophical bits- not with my views on morality. I would not be happy if my writer made me into a whiny little bitch like Anakin from the prequels.

"Arlong's right, just not the way he thought." I flipped my writer the bird. "You're the daughter of the devil, other me. Just can't leave things be; always have to push. Fine. I'll go along with your ham-handed character building for now. But if you try and layer weird names onto my karate techniques…" I left the threat open. She would probably imagine plenty of wonderful torments I could use, should the need arise.

Biting into the Force-Force Fruit was an exercise in self-discipline. It had the pulpy texture of a bruised and overripe apple, and the smell of an old sock. I nearly vomited at the taste- I know that's an overused description of these things, but it's accurate. The Force-Force Fruit tasted like bread mold and burning pine sap, iron rust and used baby diapers. And I have this nasty habit of prolonging things, chewing things I dislike longer where I swallow the good ones quickly. It was torture. About the only thing that kept me from gagging and giving up was the memory of one of my friends from back on Earth. If she ever read this story and saw me wasting food- of any sort- she would find a way to make both me and my writer pay. She was even worse than Sanji… Who happened to be her favourite character. That explained so much.

Once the fruit was gone, I immediately looked for some way to get rid of the taste. Water wouldn't work- not strong enough- and I didn't want to go on deck right now. Johnny and Yosaku were on watch and I didn't want to see anything… questionable. In the end, I picked at one of the scabs on my arm until it yielded a few more drops of blood for me to lap up. Much better. Blech. How much worse was one of those fruits for someone whose sense of taste was better than mine? Since I apparently used inedible levels of spices whenever I cooked…

"Okay, now what? Use the Force, Jones." I pointed at a roll of paper towel on the other side of the hold and willed it to fly over to me. It wiggled a little and fell over. I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair.

"Well, at least you're not making this that easy, other me. TANSTAAFL. Looks like I have another thing to add to my training schedule." A yawn split my jaws nearly in half; something popped under my ears. "Tomorrow. I'll start tomorrow."

I took off my glasses and laid down. After what I'd just eaten, the rotten cod smell still lingering around the hold was almost pleasant. Just before I drifted off though, Samsung perked up on the barrel next to my head. The snail opened its mouth wide; sound blared out. I cursed myself for having changed the ringtone. Could've had a soft, insistent puru-puru-puru, but no, I had to go for the music.

"Come aboard and bring along all your hopes and dreams! Together we can find everything that we're looking for! One Piece!"

"Argh!" I groped around for the receiver. My voice was already thick with sleep when I answered. "Topper's Pizza, how can I help you?"

"Jones! Good; you're still awake. I didn't get a chance to ask before Dragon came to get me, so… How's Lu doing? Is he sleeping alright? Eating all his vegetables? I know he doesn't like them, but they're good for him. How often is he bathing? Washing his clothes?"

My brain was already trying to shut down, too tired to deal with the Chief of Mother Hens. "Error 404: Jones not found."

"What?"

Ka-click.