Okay, for once I'm breaking my 10,000+ words per chapter rule to bring you this omake. Why? Because I'm feeling down and the next actual chapter is being a major pain in the ass to write, so I needed something short and silly to take my mind off things.

gamelover41592: Thank you. And even when Vivi learns Jones is right, that doesn't necessarily mean they'll get along much better. As for scenes with Ghin and Ace, I have things planned.

Dragondancer81: Heh, I'm glad. ^_^ You guys have no idea how worried I was about that last chapter. I honestly think it's one of the weaker ones.

Lightsbane1905: Actually, aside from the mid-ocean waterfall-geyser, Paradise weather seems normal to me. Just a few days ago I had to walk to school through a thunder blizzard. I've seen snowstorms in July, 30 Celsius temperatures in January, and rainstorms that poured on one side of my house while leaving the other completely dry. Hail-nados are also common.

The Keeper of Worlds: Heh, thank you.

Gerbilfriend: Yes, the older dragons were quite smart. Ruatha's intelligence is currently about even with a large dog, or maybe a young toddler. He'll be getting smarter as things go on.

Xipholynx: Yeah… Cliffhanger… *shiftily glances away and whistles* And while it would be funny if Jones slept through things, that's obviously not going to happen— otherwise that chapter would be a lot shorter.

Storyteller222: Thank you.

H20 Ferrum Dominus: Thank you very much. Unfortunately, I can't promise no more of those moments, although there won't be too many.

Xanarin: Wow. *collapses under snowdrift of comments* So… 1) I wrote Luffy being mature about that because I figured years of living with Ace and his issues would have an impact. 2) Thank you! I'm glad you found those things funny. 3) As far as Jones' sexuality goes, I do think of it using the term gender fluid, but I didn't put it in those words right away because yes, some people get touchy about terminology. 4) Zoro's supposedly sound advice was actually just a movie reference— and the fact that the reference I was actually going for with Ruatha is older than both of your ideas makes me feel old. 5) When it comes to implying Johnny and Yosaku are an item, I've done so a at least twice; Sanji's reaction was supposed to be more along the lines of him not reacting well to having walked in on them than a comment about his beliefs regarding sexuality. As for my version of the One Piece world's stance on homosexuality— varies by island, since many of them seem to have different cultures. I'll address it when it's relevant. And the hard spots joke was a somewhat forced movie reference, although admittedly it's funnier when a guy says it than a girl…THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER IS RATED S FOR SPOILERS

From the writer who brought you- actually never mind, this is her first story- comes a fanfiction that shows the Fourth Wall almost as much respect as Deadpool does: Twelve Red Lines.

I looked up from where I was writing in the ship's log. "Really, other me, really? An Honest Trailer of a fanfiction? How does that even work?" Despite my words, I was grinning. "Eh, fine, whatever. Sounds fun; let's do this shit."

…Wait, you heard that?

"Of course I did! Didn't you just mention the Fourth Wall thing?" Although admittedly this was much further than we usually took that gag.

…I see your point. Moving on.

Slip into the Spielberg-reference fedora and Disney-villain colour scheme of Jones, a graduate student struggling with depression and anxiety… that mostly seem to be an issue when talking to adults who don't mean her any real harm. When a poorly explained bad day causes her to break down and attempt suicide, she'll instead end up in the world of One Piece. Because, you know, all geeks go to heaven, or something like that.

"Actually, no. As much as I thought I was in some sort of twisted afterlife at first, I'm not Christian and don't really believe in heaven. If an afterlife described as the coils of Patoll, the serpent who ends all things doesn't make sense to you, think of it as a sort of Valhalla, but where you have to go get your own drinks instead of being served by ladies from a Wagner opera. And the host is a giant snake god with odd taste in music."

That's more detail than we typically go into in-story you know. The readers might be confused- I've been trying to avoid that.

"No, you've been avoiding it because you don't want anyone flaming your fic about our beliefs- even though you've been shoehorning our sexuality into things and gotten nothing but support. As for the confusion bit… If you're actually worried about that, give me some flashbacks or a backstory chapter or something."

Maybe, maybe. Look, can we just get back to the trailer?

"Be my guest."

Join her on her epic quest to both screw canon and keep things similar enough that she can predict events- while at the same time constantly forgetting important details like that you should pick up a landing craft in case your ship can't enter every little river or bay, or take your training weights off before getting into a serious fight.

"How many times do I need to explain? High INT, low WIS! I don't have common sense, and since this is an SI, neither do you!"

You have a point there. Mind explaining why we're both so proud of this, then?

"No idea; ask your counsellor. And get back to the trailer already."

But Jones isn't doing this alone. As well as the canon Straw Hats there are a number of familiar faces boarding the Going Merry, as well as an all-new friend. Meet Ruatha, a dragon who can't decide whether he has the brain of a dog, a cat, or a human toddler. He's a forced Dragonriders of Pern reference that Jones can do anything with- except, you know, ride. Because he's just a baby right now.

Thunderous wind whipped up on either side of my head as my dragon raised his wings in an upstroke. I gripped my hat with one hand, holding on tight to Ruatha's back with my legs and other arm. "You sure you can do this bud? I mean, you've never flown with a rider before…"

"SHARARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Ruatha's answer made my crew mates cover their ears. He swept his wings downwards and jumped, launching us into the air over the chasm. I grinned as the world fell away. Okay, this was amazing. The wind, the freedom… Tabarnak, if I could do this on my own, I'd never come down. Ruatha was barely off the ground and I'd almost forgotten what we were here for, so caught up in my first taste of flight.

Almost.

Across the divide, our targets certainly hadn't forgotten. While most of them were stoic and calculating as they waited to see what the rest of our crew would do, the leader was panicking. He waved his arms around like a useless chicken, his eyes wide with fear and confusion. "Hurt them, hurt them!"

My grin grew wider as Ruatha and I came up level with the balcony. The only way this could be better would be if my dragon could carry more than one person at once. Maybe in a couple of months. "Let's see how you bastards deal with it when we're the ones with air superiority… Ruatha, spit!"

I blinked, startled by the images that flashed across my mind's eye. "Okay, what in the Nine bloody Hells was that?"

This is a trailer. It's only fair that I show some teasers of future footage. And some past footage too, just to mess with people. Anyway, back to the cheesy narration.

While struggling to find her place in this world of adventure, Jones faces enemies both old and new- as well as some people who aren't enemies, but are ticked off at her anyway. But all this pales against the most annoying, frustrating, and integral person in Jones' life- her own writer. Watch as a relationship that should be straightforward and invisible dissolves into jabs at each other's life choices, an arms race over shenanigans and song lyrics, and the occasional comment that makes even the Straw Hats think this girl is mad.

"Actually, so far I haven't done much that comes across as crazy at all. At least, according to one reader."

I know what's coming; you don't. Just shut it. HAH! How does it feel to be on the receiving end for once?

"You know, I'm usually more polite about it. Subtle too." I flipped open my Swiss Army Knife to dig tar from beneath my nails.

…I hate you so much right now.

"Feeling's mutual. Just go to the cast."

Fine. Starring…

What happens when Indiana Jones and Deadpool have a kid somehow. My opponent swung his sword around in some sort of ridiculously flashy display that had me automatically looking for Buggy. I rolled my eyes. Really? Then again, it was the perfect chance to try and re-enact one of my favourite movie scenes. I pulled out my pistol and fired. Of course, this being me, I also missed by a mile, the bullet ricocheting off a nearby garbage can before smashing a window and embedding itself in what appeared to be a chocolate cake. The occupants of the house screamed; my opponent started laughing.

"Bwehehehehehehe! Really? You missed that badly? You suck!"

Trying to shoot him again would take too long- I'd never taken less than four shots to get someone, and I was on a schedule. So while he was distracted by laughter, I launched myself over and delivered a force-charged punch to his face. He went down like a tree; I huffed. "Shouldn't have brought a sword to a fistfight."

Dungeons and Dragons. Eventually, the already enormous corridor widened out into an absolutely gargantuan cavern. I swear it took up half the mountain. Stalactites thicker than my waist hung down from the ceiling like jagged fangs; stalagmites rising from the floor towered over my head. The air was damp; a few openings somewhere above let in tiny shafts of light. At one side of the chamber Apis was crouched, partially hidden behind a boulder. She was speaking in a low voice.

"I missed you too Grandpa Ryu. Here; I knew you'd be hungry, so I brought pork buns." Her words were punctuated by wet gobbling noises. Beside me, Luffy's face fell. I had to stifle a giggle at the sight, how devastated he looked upon learning that we couldn't get the buns back. Adorable.

"What're you doing up here Apis?" Nami asked as we approached the boulder. The little girl jumped and spun to face us.

"Ah! Stay back!"

It was too late; we were too close. Luffy and Nami froze as what at first looked like a cracked ridge of rock shifted, green and brown scales scraping across dark stone. A watery golden eye opened. Then a growl rumbled from within that great chest. As for me… Well, no amount of having expected this could hold back my natural reaction. I'd been reading stories about dragons since I was five years old; for me, this was the stuff of dreams.

Literary terms.Unreliable Narrator: a narrator who, intentionally or unintentionally, fails to provide an accurate report of events, and whose credibility is therefore compromised.

High school physics- but cooler. I grinned and stepped in with a punch to his floating ribs, discharging force as I went. My opponent staggered backwards into a wall, hard enough to damage it; I was knocked back too, but not as much.

"What was that?" the hammer wielder groaned. My grin grew wider.

"Newton's second law of motion in action." I considered this as I kicked my opponent in the temple. "Actually, that's not a bad name. Newton's Second."

And… Spoiler Alerts! And that lovely image did it. I lost what little control I had left. "Sesehihihihihi! Sorry Captain, spoilers." Hopefully he wouldn't bug me to tell him what I knew that could possibly make his brother's death funny. But this was Luffy, so I was pretty sure a spoiler alert would be enough to get him to change the topic. He was worse than a Game of Thrones fan that way.

"Gah! No spoilers! Shush!" Hah, worked like a charm. Instead of pursuing the subject, Luffy took off towards our cook. "Sanji! Meat!"

X

A loud wail drew me out of my thoughts; Luffy slammed into the deck beside me hard enough to shake it. Sanji appeared in the doorway of the galley, smoke rings swirling angrily around his head. "I already told you, not until dinner! Stay out of the kitchen, Shitty Rubber!"

"Aww…" The captain rubbed his head and turned to me. "Oh, hey Jones! Who're you talking to?"

"What?" No one. I hadn't been talking to anyone. Couldn't he tell? There was no one else out here right now.

"There were two voices- I heard you when I was tryna get some brownies. So… Where's your friend?"

"No- Nowhere." This was confusing. Who could Luffy possibly have heard? Did we have a stowaway? "What did the voice sound like?"

"Kinda like yours, but less… sore? Like you did before we got Sanji."

Wait… The gas-and-ammonia stunts at the Baratie and Arlong Park had changed my voice? I'd done that much damage to my windpipe? Why hadn't I noticed? Eh, not important… Luffy must've heard my conversation with my writer. But wasn't that all in my head? I didn't think I'd spoken aloud. Score one for the captain who hears the Voice of All Things.

"Sesehihihihihi! It's nothing, Captain. Just talking to myself."