Twelve Red Lines

by Vikingr

I expected to die when I went into the water. Instead, I was rescued by a crew of people who I knew only as characters in a story. But what does it take to become worthy of being a Straw Hat? And why are so many little details not matching up to what I know?

13. Onomatopoeia

Onomatopoeia: a word that imitates the sound it represents

The Keeper of Worlds and gamelover41592: Evan and I posted on both fics mostly because our readership doesn't have 100% overlap, and while we knew not everyone would like the rap battle, we didn't want anyone who does like that sort of omake to miss out. And no, I don't think it will be connected to This Bites! as well. It was just the two of us having a little fun.

Dragondancer81: Thank you. ^_^

Xipholynx: Thank you very much. We had a lot of fun writing it.

Gerbilfriend: Heh. Thanks. I can't speak for Evan, but I didn't find the effort all that much. It was just a fun little bit of poetry.

bookloverinfinity: Thanks. So that's one vote for Jones and one for Cross on this fic; I'll have to tally with Evan and the comments on Spacebattles to see what the final score comes to. But yeah, I kinda expected Cross to win by popular demand from the moment we got permission to add him in at the end.

WaterStar45: Oh, you had commented; you just weren't signed in, and I was AFK for a few days and couldn't put anonymous reviews through. I'm glad my portrayal of Vivi isn't a deal-breaker; I was a little worried... Actually, there's a lot of things I write that leave me a little worried. The reaction to killing was another example— you're right to assume I've never had that experience in real life. But I know I've been called cold in the past, so I went with 'shock and not really dealing with emotions' as the most likely reaction for my character.

goupil: Debt? I never considered there to be any debt. I thought betting like that was a figure of speech. And I'm afraid I live under a rock and don't know much about any charities right now— my thesis takes up a lot of my time, and anything I have free is pretty much spent on fanfiction. Don't be sad for my sake; yes, I have issues, but they come and go. Things swing pretty far the other way too— "When I'm up, I can't get down, can't get down, can't get level. When I'm up, I can't get down, get my feet back on the ground." As far as the French thing... You're welcome. I can't imagine anyone thinking it was worthless to learn another language. My French isn't nearly as good as I would like it to be— not fully bilingual, but generally enough to get by. I'd put more even more effort into it if I had the time. And as for how I walk so close to the Mary Sue line without crossing it... Probably because when I'm on my up days, I am a bit of a real-life Sue, so I have experience figuring out where to cut things off to avoid irritating most people. Most. Can't please everybody, but it's never stopped me from trying.

hufflepuffbadgersdontcare: Huh. I should've known I wasn't the only one. That scene was based on something that used to happen to me and my twin brother. *shudders* So much nope...

Sakura Hatsu: *drowns in comments* Thank you very much! Jones will eventually ask Zoro how he can talk through his swords; it might take a while though, since stuff keeps happening and distracting her. Hmm... Worst? Understanding all my D&D references isn't a bad thing, not in my admittedly biased opinion. And yes, Zoro's unexpected wisdom. To be fair, he grew up in a traditional dojo, so I'm portraying him similarly to a couple black belts I know. He's still Zoro, but with occasional flashes of the Sensei he could've been.

Taiski, Lightsbane1905, and Confused— and anyone else who didn't know how to react to the last chapter's levels of WTF: Yes, that was meant to be there. Just a little harmless fun between friends; don't worry about it if it wasn't your cup of tea. It's not canon, and has no effect on the overall story. In the words of Shakespeare, "If we shadows have offended, think but this, and all is mended— that you have but slumbered here while these visions did appear. And this weak and idle theme, no more yielding but a dream." I'm sorry for the weirdness.

Ripples flowed outwards from the center of the cup. The ground shook. I hid under a van, unable to run any further. Great talons dug into the earth not a meter from my nose, red-brown scales and ivory claws. Loud sniffing from above; it could smell me. I clung to my bandanna and hoped it wouldn't be strong enough to lift the vehicle.

…Beep…

A man in a tin suit stood on a platform above the room, towering above a small figure in a silver trench coat. I was off to one side, a small dog with no hope of helping with… whatever was going on. Trench Coat flung a fist out, silent as his arm stretched to smack Tin Suit in the face. The impact caused a storm of brilliant colours that swirled around us, red and blue and green. Bell-like laughter rang through the air as Trench Coat rushed over to pick me up, cuddling me like the puppy I was. "Shishishishishi!"

…Beep…

X

It had been almost two weeks since we'd left Whiskey Peak, and no problems of any significance had come up. Sure, we learned that if Johnny and Yosaku were the ones to drop anchor, it was significantly more likely to become fouled and lift up, but that was easy enough to fix. All we had to do was keep them off that duty- and so, the story of how Zoro became the one in charge of all things involving the anchor was born.

The lack of danger hadn't been easy on my nerves though. I kept expecting something to go wrong, for the Mr Five team to show up. But they didn't. It was quiet- too quiet for the Grand Line. I found myself jumping at shadows and twitching at the slightest sound, but nothing came. This left me constantly bubbling with anxiety, full of endless nervous energy and unable to decide what to do with it. Nothing I tried got rid of the feeling.

At least Ruatha was sleeping through the night now, and his training was coming along well enough. And teaching Ghin to read- while a slow and confusing process- was finally starting to show some results.

The stiffness and pain from my broken tailbone was clearing up now, too. For several days after Whiskey Peak I'd barely been able to walk or climb; training or helping out in the rigging were right out. Not that I didn't try, but it hadn't gone well. As in, fell-overboard-three-times, hobbled-into-five-tripwire-traps, kept-tumbling-down-ladders not well. Eventually Ghin had secured me to a rail with my own tape, which was just embarrassing.

It was early afternoon right now, and I was sitting on the deck, my back against the rail. I occasionally glanced up at the horizon in search of islands or approaching ships, but there was nothing. So most of my focus was on my training weights as I worked to crudely alter them. They'd been feeling a little light lately; meant it was time for an upgrade. I cut through stitches with my Swiss Army Knife, opening the tops of the little pouches that held the metal disks. One by one, I added bits of lead shot that I'd found in one of the crates we'd liberated from Whiskey Peak. Ostensibly it was supposed to be ammo for Ghin, but he never used his pistols; surely he wouldn't miss a few little bullets. The round shot made my weights lumpy and less comfortable once I'd sewn them closed again, but they increased the mass just the right amount.

I was almost done when something creaked beside me. Now, having glasses means my peripheral vision is, quite frankly, awful, so I had no idea what made the sound. Dropping what I was doing, I jumped to my feet and kicked whatever-it-was before turning to face it.

Johnny yelped and stumbled as my foot met his stomach, dropping the mug he'd been holding. It splashed hot cider all across the deck. I winced and bowed.

"Sorry!"

"Geez, Big Sis, what's got you so on edge?" The blue hunter clutched his chest, eyes wide enough that I could see them around the edges of his sunglasses.

"Nothing."

"Then why'd you kick me?"

I shook my head. "No, you don't get it. Nothing is happening- that's what's wrong. There's some people we didn't see cause we left Whiskey Peak so early, and that whole thing went way too easily anyway. It's making me paranoid as Hell- I can't tell if this is the calm before the storm, or if my writer just has nothing special planned." Sometimes knowing I was in a fanfiction was a real pain. I hated never knowing whether something was a plot device or authorial incompetence.

"Fire Star!" A shot of orange arched out of the crow's nest, aiming at something I couldn't see. An increasingly common occurrence, lately; Usopp had taken to firing pot-shots at random things as practice. It was followed seconds later by a squawk and a dark shape plummeting from the sky. A crispy gull landed on my face, shedding embers and reeking of burnt feathers. I shook it off in disgust.

"Hey! You did that on purpose!"

Usopp peered down from the crow's nest, his face morphing to a look of horror when he realized where his target had landed. "I did not!"

"Not you!" I picked a random direction where I figured the Fourth Wall probably was and flipped my writer the bird, tacking it onto a bras d'honneur for good measure. "My stupid-ass writer!"

Johnny stared at me. "Big Sis… What're you talking about?"

"It's- ah, never mind. It won't make sense anyway." Two deep breaths to calm down. Really though, that bird was uncalled for. Other me was just being a little shit at this point. I picked up the blackened bird and headed for the galley. "Sanji! Can you do anything with this? Usopp was using gulls as target practice again!"

"That better not be another news coo!" Nami stormed out of the galley with Sanji on her heels. The sailing master shook with barely concealed rage as she examined the fried carcass I was holding. Then she deflated. "Regular herring gull. That's okay then; we don't have to pay insurance fees on those."

Then it was Sanji's turn. He huffed at the sight of the dead bird. "Well, it's not as much of a shit show as last time. I can probably salvage something from that for soup or something." So saying, the chef relieved me of my burden and headed for the stove. Johnny scooped up his fallen mug and chased after the cook.

"Oi! Big Bro! Can I get some more cider? Big Sis Jones spilled it!"

"Spilled…?" Sanji paused, eye twitching. Spinning on the ball of one foot, the chef struck out at me with the other. A steel-toed dress shoe slammed into my ribs, sending me flying across the deck. "I don't care how jumpy you are- you don't waste food!"

"Oww…" Gasping for breath, I slammed into the mast and slid down to the base. Yosaku, who was sitting on a rail, put down his crochet project to slow clap.

"Wow, Big Sis. You managed to get Big Bro Sanji to hit you. I didn't think he ever hit girls."

The cook huffed. "If Jones is gonna act like one of you shitheads, I'm gonna treat her like one. Simple as that. She makes it damn hard to consider her a lady with all the crap she pulls."

"I already told you, I didn't mean to blow up the toaster," I wheezed. "It just happened."

"It just happened because you tried to stuff a whole bagel in it!"

"Hey- I did cut it in half first. In my defense, toasters in my world have wider slots, and I am vision-challenged." I sat up slowly and edged further along the deck, just in case Sanji decided to come after me. He didn't. Instead, the cook huffed again and disappeared into the galley with a dramatic flourish. Shuddering, I went back to what I'd been doing. Ruatha perched beside me and crooned sympathetically.

A few more minutes was all it took to finish altering my weights. Putting them back on was an adjustment; now I had knobbly bits of metal digging into my wrists and ankles, the fabric covering barely providing any protection. But they didn't seem to be harming my circulation at all, so it was fine. Even just standing, I could feel my balance and movement were off, just like when I first got them. I tucked my needle and thread into one of the pockets of my utility belt and began walking around, trying to get used to the extra weight.

Zoro opened one eye when my pacing brought me near his napping place. "I wish Johnny and Yosaku had half your work ethic. Especially Johnny."

"That's not fair." I made a face and swung my arms around a little, to test the difference in momentum. "They work plenty hard on… whatever it is they're hiding down in the bilge."

"Pretty sure it's just an excuse to avoid training some days," Zoro grunted. He closed his eye and went back to his nap- or whatever it was he did, since I didn't believe he slept that much. He'd have to have been a cat… The only thing he spent nearly as much time on was working out.

Still swinging and testing, I hopped up on the rail beside Yosaku. Crochet wasn't something I'd ever learned, though I'd always meant to. It just took so much more time than knitting, or so it always looked to me. "What're you making?"

"New winter stuff for Johnny. His last set got burned up a few months ago, when we were chasing a small-time arsonist; I don't know how seasons work on the Grand Line, but he'll probably need it eventually."

"Sooner than later, actually. There's an island of eternal winter coming up." I hooked my knees over the rail and leaned back over the edge of the Merry, until my spine was flush with the outside of her hull. Yosaku shuddered.

"Big Sis, you shouldn't do things like that. You make people worried."

"Eh? It's fine. I won't fall." Well, knowing how fate liked to work, I would someday. But why let that worry get in the way of doing things I enjoyed? Besides, if I went overboard, Ghin's mom instincts would go off and he'd be in after me before you could say Quidditch.

As if to contrast my confidence, there was a sudden splash from the figurehead, followed by a brief period of bubbling and flailing. A second splash sounded as Zoro got up and jumped over the side, descending into the water before our hammer of a captain could be fully immersed. I sat up and prepared to run over, though there was nothing I could do to help. Yosaku stood and trotted to the bow, pulling a rope ladder from under a section of the rail and unrolling it down the hull. I looked at it with confusion- I couldn't remember seeing it there before.

"Did you and Johnny make that?"

"We made a bunch." Yosaku nodded as Zoro climbed back up, Luffy slung over one shoulder. "Johnny's been stashing them all over the place; makes retrieving Big Bro Luffy easier if he goes overboard while Big Bro Zoro's in the head."

"It makes things quicker for me too," Zoro grunted, depositing a sopping, giggling Luffy on the deck. The captain beamed; the bosun hit him over the head. "It'd be best if someone could stop falling in though."

"But I saw a huuuuuuge starfish!" Luffy stretched his arms wide to demonstrate the size of what he'd seen. "It was all spiky and orange and cool! I wanted to touch it, but I slipped when I reached down."

I rubbed my knuckles against my forehead. "And this is why I don't fall in as often- I actually use my brain for something other than figuring out the best way to steal food."

Luffy made a face. "No thanks. Thinking too much hurts. I'll leave it to weirdos like you and Nami who actually like it."

"Thinking can be useful, you know. That's how I win my word fights, among other things."

"Yeah, but those are your fights." Luffy picked his nose. "That's what you do, just like Usopp's a sniper, or Nami navigates, or Sanji cooks. I can't do those things, and you can't do those things, just like they can't do our things. So I don't need to think, but it's okay cause I've got you guys. We all need each other." The captain's words were accompanied by a decisive nod.

Zoro, Yosaku, and I all sighed in unison. But Yosaku and I were smiling despite our exasperation, and Zoro smirked as he shook his head. Yosaku reached out to pat our captain on the shoulder. "Never change, Big Bro. Never change."

The Going Merry rocked gently, wind whistling like laughter through her rigging. Luffy laughed along with her, bouncing to his feet and up onto the rail. At least this time he held onto a line with one hand, so he didn't immediately fall off again as he leaned out over the side. His other hand held his hat on as the wind tried to snatch it away.

"Don't plan to!" The captain took a deep breath. If this was a Disney movie, he would've started singing, something about freedom or adventure or exploration. As it was, his face split with a massive grin as he shouted to the sky. "I'M GONNA BE KING OF THE PIRATES!"

Mairead, who was just emerging from the galley, paused to rub her ears. "Shout a little louder next time, why don't you? I think there are some ghosts in the Florian Triangle who slept through that."

"Shishishishishi!" Luffy's only response was to grin even more broadly, his face stretching as far as only a rubber man could.

X

"LAND HO!" Usopp's shout brought everyone out on deck. Although most of us had been there already; it was a fine afternoon, warm and sunny, so there was no point being below decks. I looked up from my book, although it took some effort- not only was Voyage of the Absinthe a fascinating read, but I'd had the brilliant idea to try and do so while practicing handstands, which made looking around difficult. Especially without falling over. Speaking of which…

Thud. Force-Force Fruit or no, tumbling over and landing on my stomach on the deck still knocked the wind out of me. Didn't hurt though, which made it doubly weird. Why was that? Was this like Nami's punches being able to hurt Luffy- a thing that existed because it might be funny? Because it wasn't funny. "Gak!"

Of course, no one but Usopp could see the island yet. That didn't stop Nami though; she didn't need to see it with her charts and calculations. Probably wouldn't have any sort of trouble that way until the New World- Paradise seemed to be fairly well-explored. "Okay everyone! If this map's accurate and current conditions hold, we'll be at Little Garden in three hours!"

"Little Garden?" Sanji mused as he lit a cigarette. "Odd name."

Nami shrugged and pulled out a battered book. Brag Men. Huh- odd title. I should borrow that once I'd finished reading my magic books. "I might have something that explains that, actually. Let's see…" The sailing master hummed as she flipped through pages. She addressed me as she looked. "I don't suppose you know anything about this island, do you Jones?"

Judging by her tone, Nami's question was rhetorical. Not that I necessarily took it that way. I groaned, still getting my wind back. "Nu-uh. Or, well, I do, but I spent my childhood being used as a discount encyclopedia; I need to stop being one here. After all, things aren't sticking to what I know anyways." That said… "Sanji, do we have extra garlic and hot peppers I can use?"

Luffy practically flew across the ship at my words, landing in front of the galley before the cook could answer. And for once, the rubber captain was trying to keep someone out rather than sneak in to steal food. "No way! Jones isn't allowed to cook!"

Vivi, Jack, and Mairead looked on in confusion until Ghin took pity on them and explained. "At some point before Sanji, Johnny, Yosaku, and I joined, there was apparently an incident where Jones made something so gingery it could count as a lethal weapon. The Don's refused to let her do any serious cooking since before I met them."

The princess and the former Baroque Works agents looked both confused and horrified. Sanji bit hard on his cigarette, apparently uncertain as to whether he should even answer my question, let alone allow me to do anything with garlic and hot peppers. I rolled my eyes. "It's not like I'm trying to cook. I need them for something else."

Sanji scowled. "What for? You know I won't let you waste ingredients on some shitty trick."

It was time to make a decision. Let Nami get sick in order to make sure we recruited Chopper? Or keep the kestia away and probably screw up our chance at meeting the doctor? I'm ashamed to say that if those had been the only factors to consider, I might have risked it and let Nami get bitten. But there were other possibilities too- insect bites were so far beyond human control it was unbelievable. I didn't know how common the kestia were, where everyone might wander off to… And since I probably couldn't trust my story knowledge anymore, if Whiskey Peak was any indication…

"Bug repellent. There's a number of dangerous insects native to Little Garden that I'd rather we not get bitten by." I'd have to find some other way of making sure Chopper and Drum were safe. Maybe if I called Sabo, the Revolutionaries would be able to do something? Although that still wouldn't get the doctor on our crew… Tabarnak… Well, I'd have a few days to think of something while we sailed. Maybe split up, some of the crew taking a small detour while the rest continued on to get things started in Alabasta? That might work…

"Dangerous?" Usopp's voice cracked as he swung down from the crow's nest to join the rest of us. "Umm, what kind of dangerous? Like, really big hornets or something?"

"More like ticks that transmit deadly bacteria. If you get bitten and infected, you have five days to get treated or you die."

The gunner paled. "Erk! Do we have to go to this island? Cause I'm already sick- it's called Can't-make-landfall-here-itis."

"Oh, shut up and grow a backbone!" Nami threw her book at the sniper. It bounced off Usopp's head, falling open to a page with a picture of an Apatosaurus above a massive block of text. Picking it up- probably with the intention of throwing it back- the gunner froze.

"My Can't-make-landfall-here-itis just got worse." His voice was very small, barely audible.

Johnny placed a hand on Usopp's shoulder, making him jump. "What's wrong Big Bro?"

"Look at this!" The sniper shoved the book in the blue hunter's face. "Look what it says! Little Garden got its name cause it's so small compared to what lives there! It's full of dinosaurs!"

"Dino-?!" Johnny jumped into Yosaku's arms. The green hunter wasn't much better off, his jaw dropping to the deck.

"I agree with Big Bro Ussop- let's skip this one!"

"But we can't!" Nami reminded them, although she looked just as scared. "The log takes time to set. We can't just skip an island; we'll get lost! Although I suppose we could just stay on the ship until it sets- we did pick up extra supplies in Whiskey Peak. Thank you for that, Ghin."

The former Krieg pirate nodded, although he didn't seem particularly happy or unhappy about the suggestion. Zoro and Sanji both looked slightly put out, but not too bad. They would be happier exploring than cooped up on the ship, but they would do what was best for the crew. And really, Nami's suggestion was logical. If people stayed on the ship, we wouldn't need bug repellent to avoid getting bitten by the kestia. But there was a big problem with that…

"BORING!" Luffy folded his arms and scowled. "We could be there for hours. I wanna explore, not sit around the ship!"

Zoro smirked. "Well, I guess at least some of us have to go then. Can't have Luffy wandering off on his own; what if he falls in the water?"

In a rare show of solidarity with the bosun, Sanji nodded as he snuffed out his latest cigarette. "And it might not be hours; we could be stuck on that shitty island for days. Better hunt and things while we're there, save the preserved stuff for while we're at sea. I bet dinosaurs have lots of meat on them."

"Yeah, the ones I catch will." Zoro snorted. "You, on the other hand…"

"Shitty Moss-Head! I can bring in twice the meat you can!" The cook stomped over until he was shouting right in Zoro's face. Unbothered, the swordsman shouted right back.

"As if! Crappy cooks like you should stay in the kitchen- you fight like a baby flamingo!"

"Well, you fight like a three-legged bull!"

WHACK! Ghin slapped both upside the head, forcing them to stop. In a display of unity rivalling what Johnny and Yosaku were capable of, Zoro and Sanji turned to glare at the former Krieg pirate. My honorary big brother figure scowled. "That's enough. Yes, you're both tough- get over yourselves. Besides, it's obvious who'd win any hunting contest anyway."

"REALLY?" Both cook and swordsman unleashed growls that would fell a lesser man. Their eyes glowed red. Ghin plowed on undeterred, the corner of his mouth quirking up into a smirk.

"Of course. After all, I'm the most experienced."

"Wait…" Sanji's voice went cold. For a moment he seemed to deflate. "Are you saying you think you could beat us, old man?"

Ghin's left eye twitched. "What did you just call me?"

Pigs must be flying somewhere, because Zoro jumped in on Sanji's side. I looked around just in case this was the beginning of Ragnarok or something like that, but saw nothing. "You heard him. And what makes you think you'd win? I'm the only one who can butcher anything; don't see either of you carrying a knife." Oh good, not entirely on Sanji's side. The universe wasn't about to implode.

Everyone's attention was focused on the three as they glared at each other; silence fell over the ship. I half expected the opening theme from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly to start playing. When it didn't, I started whistling it. Nobody reacted. The faceoff continued for several minutes before Ghin huffed.

"I shouldn't have to prove myself to you. This is the second crew I've served on, and I did well in the first; the world already knows I'm no pushover." His smirk morphed into a laser-like glare. "But if you're going to mock me… At least be consistent about it. Half the time you think Jones and I are an item, and now you're calling me old? Make up your mind."

Zoro considered this for a moment, then shrugged. "You can be both. She may look and act young, but Jones is five years older than us, and you're a few years older than her, right? So you're both old."

Sanji snapped a kick sideways into the swordsman's ribs. "Oi! Don't call Jones old! She may act like the rest of you shitheads, but she'd still a woman!"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Zoro launched a retaliatory slash. The epic standoff dissolved as the cook and the bosun began to brawl, with Ghin shaking his head on the sidelines. Although… the former Krieg pirate was fiddling with his tonfa and even his pistols in a way that made me think his part in this dispute was far from forgotten.

A whimper sounded from behind me. Half-turning, I spotted Jack trying to make himself inconspicuous behind a conveniently placed barrel. Not that hiding behind the barrel looked to be working very well for the flouncy former agent. I raised an eyebrow at him. "What's wrong with you?"

"Those three are a trio of monsters, Baby." He gestured at Zoro, Sanji, and Ghin.

"I'm nobody's Baby," I informed Jack with a frown. Then I considered the rest of his words. Trio of monsters… Odd wording, a little forced… Wait- the Monster Trio in this world was going to be Zoro, Sanji, and Ghin? What the Hell, other me?! Where does that leave Luffy?

Skirting around the brawl, I made my way to the galley. If Sanji was too distracted to answer my questions, I'd just have to get the peppers and garlic myself. Luffy followed me, making sure I really wasn't going to cook. I rolled my eyes as I gathered up the spices. Didn't say anything though. It wouldn't make him leave.

With Luffy watching in confusion, I started chopping peppers and garlic. The peppers went into boiling water to create a decoction, while I crushed the garlic into an oily mash. It took a while- even if some people were planning to stay on the ship, I should make enough insect repellent for everyone just in case. Luffy held his nose against the smell. I don't understand why; it was strong, but not unpleasant.

Eventually the captain got bored and wandered off. Not long after, Ruatha scurried in looking for me. The dragon climbed up onto my shoulder and crooned, burying his nose in my bandanna. I shook my head as I patted him. "If you don't like the smell, you should've stayed out on deck." Not that doing so would've saved him forever; I wasn't sure if kestia could affect dragons too, so he'd be getting his own dose of insect repellent just like everyone else.

"Niid!" The dragonet snorted and tried to squirm into the back of my shirt. Scales and claws scratched against my skin.

"Hey! You're too big for that!" Ruatha had always been a decent size, and he was growing quickly. Not quite three weeks old and he was three inches longer than he had been at birth. Apis had warned me, sure, but I hadn't been prepared for him to grow quite this fast.

The peppers finished boiling; I allowed them to cool before I strained the decoction and mixed it with the garlic paste. It wasn't the best insect repellent I knew how to make, but it would have to do. I didn't have fleabane or hemlock, which would've made it better. When I emerged onto the deck with a large pot of my lovely creation, everyone covered their noses. I scowled. It didn't smell bad! Kind of like really strong Thai food, actually.

"Okay, once we get to Little Garden, anyone who leaves the ship needs to put some of this on first."

My announcement elicited an annoyed growl from Sanji. Despite how long making the insect repellent had taken me, he and Zoro had just finished fighting. "Jones… Did you just-?"

"It's not like it's going to waste if it protects us from being infected by a potentially deadly disease, right?" I plastered a flat smile on my face, the kind I used when teaching kids at karate, or when I had to present things to the class I TAed for. Sanji froze and cleared his throat.

"Ahm… Well, I guess not." I could see the pain it caused him to say those words. Sorry Sanji, I know what you've been through and why you hate wasting food. But no one on this ship would starve because of a lack of garlic and hot peppers.

The cook huffed and shook his head, then marched towards the galley I'd just exited. "I hope you at least cleaned up after yourself. And let me guess- all the shitheads who run off exploring are gonna want snacks to take with 'em. Who's going?"

Luffy's hand shot up first as the rubber captain bounced in place. Zoro and Ghin followed immediately, along with- to my surprise- Mairead. I was a little more hesitant, torn. On the one hand, I'd grown up watching the original Land Before Time; for the first eight years of my life I had an unhealthy obsession with dinosaurs before switching my fixation over to the world of fantasy. On the other hand, I was born four and a half months before Jurassic Park came out, and I'd grown up watching that too. Raptors. Although the ones in the movie were more like Deinonychus than actual Velociraptors. I suppressed a shudder of fear as I raised a hand. Scared or not, I was doing this. Besides, if I played my cards right, I wouldn't be anywhere near any raptors.

"And me makes six." Sanji was about to disappear into the galley when a soft voice spoke up.

"Eight." Vivi smiled at the cook from where she was grooming her duck. "Carue and I would like to have a look around as well, if that's alright."

"Quack!" The duck shook his head violently. It didn't look like this was alright with him. "Quack, quack, quack!"

His panic was ignored by Sanji, who spun around and bowed with hearts in his eyes. "Of course, Vivi dear! Far be it from us to keep anyone from exploring to their heart's content. I'll make sure to prepare something extra special for you, your highness!"

Then Zoro let out a sort of laughter. "Neither of you can count. It's nine."

"WHAT?" Chef and princess glared at him in unison. The bosun shrugged and waved a hand in my direction.

"Do you seriously think Jones could go anywhere on her own? Ruatha needs something too; he's too little to hunt." Zoro smirked. "That might change soon though. Looks like he's growing pretty fast."

At first I was surprised that Zoro of all people would be the one to remember my baby. Especially since even I hadn't picked up on Sanji's mistake- possibly because I was so used to the dragon trying to steal my food anyway. Then again, Zoro always was portrayed as surprisingly good with kids and animals. Ruatha scrambled away from me to run and lick the bosun's face.

"Nox! Nox!"

"Ergh, that's gross. Get off." Zoro pushed the dragonet away. Ruatha scowled and hissed as he made his way back to my side. I grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry. I haven't got him fully trained yet."

X

The air was hot and thick as we got close to the island. It was hard to breathe, at least for me; the humidity was unbelievable. My ponytail frizzed out like a feather duster while my lungs struggled with air like pea soup. And the heat… Heat like that was something I'd only ever known on the absolute worst days of summer growing up. It made a northerner like me sluggish and lazy. The combination felt like more than forty degrees, far too much to be comfortable doing anything. If I'd been male, I'd have taken off my shirt for a little relief; as it was, I gathered it up in an awkward knot on the side of my ribcage, leaving most of my abdomen exposed. I also rolled up my pants and sleeves as high as I could, safety pinning them in place. None of this helped much.

We sailed a little ways into the mouth of a river. The water looked so cool… If only I could still swim. Although it might not be safe, even if I could. Who knew what kind of weird bacteria and leeches and things could be living in a prehistoric waterway?

A screeching noise sounded overhead as Zoro dropped the anchor. It made the whole crew jump, with Johnny leaping into Yosaku's arms, and Usopp bolting for the cover of the galley. Seconds later, a shadow passed over the deck, winged and absolutely massive. Six meters was a lot larger when it flew over your head than when you read about it in a book. Pteranadon. The sight of a larger winged lizard sent Ruatha scrambling up onto my head to chatter and snarl. His little baby attempts at roaring were adorable.

"Sha! Sha! Shara! Shur hond!" Of course, it would've been even more adorable if he hadn't had his little clawed feet in my face and his tail wrapping around my neck for balance.

"GAK!" I pried my baby off my head and put him on my shoulders where he belonged. "Calm down bud! It's not coming after you. And it's not taking your place either, if that's what you're worried about."

It took five minutes of petting while Sanji handed out snacks to calm the baby dragon. The cook shot Luffy a significant look as he handed the captain his lunchbox. "You better not eat this before getting out of sight of the ship, shithead. I won't make you another until I get back from hunting."

"Aww… Fine." The rubber boy pouted as he tucked the lunchbox into his shirt. Which… I had no idea how it stayed there, or why it didn't show a box-shaped lump under the red fabric. And how did that-? No. Not going to question it. Not his time.

…Who am I kidding? A day may come when my curiosity fails, when I become so inured against the wackiness of this world that no hammerspace or Devil Fruit or wacked-out biology could phase me- but it is not this day. How on Earth- or whatever planet I was currently on- did Luffy's vest storage work?

…At least he wasn't keeping his snacks in his shorts.

Nami stared at those of us on the away team as we smeared ourselves with insect repellent. "You… You idiots are really going out there. Are you at least going to stick together?"

Zoro, Sanji, and Ghin all shot her flat looks. The bosun and former Krieg pirate spoke in growling unison. "Not in the least. If I stick with them, how can I win the hunting contest?"

"Wait- you're actually going through with that?" The sailing master's jaw dropped.

"Yes!"

Sanji said nothing, probably because he was too busy gushing incoherently. Something about Nami being worried about him? I couldn't understand what the cook was saying over the sound of him dancing like a noodle while his blood pressure soared enough to make his heartbeat audible. Oh, Chopper was going to have his work cut out for him with that one.

The three competitors took off before Nami could hit them over the head. Luffy beamed as the sailing master sputtered. "Don't worry Nami! I'm not dumb like Zoro- I know Vivi can't go alone. She can come with me!"

Since Vivi didn't know what sort of thing that might entail, she and Carue actually looked relieved when the captain said that. Johnny winced in her stead, knowing what was coming up. Nami stormed across the deck towards the captain, waving a fist menacingly. "Luffy, if you even think about using Gum-Gum Rocket on the princess-!"

Her words were interrupted by a series of rubbery snaps. One stretchy arm wrapped around Vivi and Carue, bringing them tight to Luffy's side, while the other reached out to grab the branch of a towering tree. "Gum-Gum Rocket!"

Amazingly, Vivi didn't scream as Luffy shot them into the forest. Carue did though. There were even tears streaming out of the duck's eyes. "Qua-waaaaaaaaaaaaack!"

That left me and Mairead. The salmon-haired woman looked down at me with a raised eyebrow. "So… Together or apart?"

Don't you know you never split the party/Clerics in the back to keep those fighters hale and hearty/The wizard in the middle, where he can shed some light/And you never let that damn thief out of sight... Common sense said to stick with Mairead. After all, there were dinosaurs here, and she could almost match Zoro for strength- an invaluable person to have on my side if something went wrong. And for once in my life I was about to listen to my common sense too- mostly because it corresponded with my gamer sense, but still. It counts. But before I could answer, I saw something in the trees. Blue and white stripes? Was that-?

I vaulted over the rail with out thinking, landing knee-deep in water. That resulted in a staggered landing as a wash of weakness raced through my muscles. My body went limp; I fell forwards onto my hands and knees. Ruatha crooned and scrambled off my shoulders to stand in front of my, butting his head against my face. I couldn't stand; it was all I could do to crawl towards the shore.

Splash! A few seconds later, a large hand grabbed me by the back of my bandoliers and picked me up like some kind of oversized purse. Mairead slogged through the river and deposited me on shore, folding her arms and staring down at me. "I'm starting to see why Ghin thinks you need looking after. If I hadn't spent the last two weeks watching your captain hang upside down from the figurehead, I'd call that the most reckless thing I'd ever seen a fruit user do."

"I thought I saw something." My strength slowly came back. It was about thirty seconds before I could stand, another minute before I felt up for walking any distance.

"What kind of something?" Mairead's eyes narrowed.

"Striped blue and white fabric. Since there's not exactly a lot of people on this island, I thought it might be Mr Three or something."

Her jaw dropped. "The Mr Three pair is here?! And you wanted to go after him?"

"Well, running off and meddling is sort of my thing, so…" I shrugged. "Besides, it's not like Baroque Works knows about us. Or, well, me. If he saw you, he might have some questions."

Mairead grabbed me by the shoulders and started shaking me, which earned her an angry-but-not-very-threatening growl from Ruatha. "Are you insane? Mr Three's team is an assassination team! If they're here, it's for a mission that can have no witnesses! Did you have a plan to go along with your meddling?"

Um… "No, not really." Sometimes I come up with things well in advance, and then other times I just sort of make things up as I go. I'm very inconsistent that way. Drives some people crazy.

"Well, let's get something straight." Mairead folded her arms and scowled. "If you go up against Mr Three without a plan, we're all dead. He's not much of a fighter, but he never needs to fight; he's one of the smartest people I've ever met. He will kill you if he gets the chance."

Since Mairead and I hadn't really done much together since she boarded the Going Merry, her concern was as confusing as it was touching. "…Did Ghin ask you to look after me while he, Zoro, and Sanji had their dick-measuring contest?"

The former Baroque Works agent made a face. "Tch. Fine, you figured it out. But it's not just that; like I said, if you go against Mr Three without a plan, we're all dead. Why don't you just go find some nice, small, not-dangerous dinosaur to play with? Isn't that the sort of thing kids like you do?"

Seriously? Seriously? "Kid? I know I look younger than I am, but really? What age do you think I am?"

"Sixteen."

Oh, for the love of… "I'm twenty-four!"

Mairead's jaw dropped; she recovered in short order though. "Then act like it. Your crew seems to think you're pretty smart; you should be able to tell when someone's out of your league. Mr Three's almost twice your age, with decades more experience; what made you think a person like you would have a chance against a master assassin?"

I wanted to snap and shout. Mairead didn't know me, didn't know what I could do. And while she could very well be right- probably was- I hated it. Hate being told what to do, where to go, what to say… She was acting like my mother. And as much as I wanted to argue, I couldn't. Because while Mairead was scowling down at me, all I could see was my mother, who I couldn't fight against, could never talk back to. Of all the authority figures to ever give me anxiety, my mother was at the top of the list. Cold shivers ran up and down my spine; white nibbled at the edges of my vision.

My mouth moved like a fish as I tried to get words out. Nothing. I had to focus on my breathing so I didn't start to hyperventilate. As much as I wanted to answer, I had nothing. A full five minutes passed. When my voice finally came out, it was very small. "I- I don't know."

"Then why would you run off like that?"

"I don't know…" It was like being slowly crushed. Tears stung at my eyes, though I refused to let them fall. Mustn't let anyone see me being weak… I shrank into the underbrush, trying to disappear. Mairead's disapproving scowl hurt. I needed to get away; before she could speak again, I bolted off into the trees. Ruatha scrambled along behind me, chirping worriedly.

"What? Wait! Jones, come back! We have to warn the others!" I didn't listen when the former Baroque Works agent called for me. She made to chase me, crashing through the undergrowth for a few hundred meters. But strong as she was, Mairead wasn't as fast as me, nor was she as used to maneuvering over this sort of terrain. Plus she was much larger than me; I could fit through small gaps and disappear into the brush.

The heat and clinging humidity made me tire quickly. I stumbled to a stop against a massive ginkgo, my shirt plastered to my shoulder blades. Ruatha cooed as he caught up, clambering to my shoulders and nuzzling my face. I stroked him, trembling. What was wrong with me? I'd been getting better at this talking thing; was a similarity to my mother really bad enough to give me a panic attack?

Yes. Shit.

"Some brave pirate. Can't even stand up to a single woman." I slid down until I was sitting curled up in a ball at the base of the tree. Splaying my hand against the bark, I flipped out my Swiss Army Knife. Distraction; I needed a distraction. "Oh, I have all my fingers, the knife goes chop, chop, chop! If I miss the spaces in between, my fingers will come off! Oh, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, I'm picking up the speed! And if I hit my fingers, then my hand will start to bleed!"

No, Five-Finger Fillet as a coping mechanism is not something I would suggest for most people. For me, it helped. Concentrating on the speed, the rhythm, and the knife so I didn't hit myself pushed everything else aside; it halted fear, and made the whiteness and shivers go away. I went a little too fast at the end though, nicking the side of my thumb. It stung, startling me into letting out a hiss, but didn't bleed much. Ruatha cooed.

"Don't worry bud, it's fine." I closed my knife and stood up. Only then did I realize that we were lost. I had no idea where we were, how to get back to the river… And while I could see the tops of a couple volcanoes towering above the trees, I had no idea which one was which in order to find Dorry and Broggy's battlefield. I tried to find the trail I'd made coming here, but I'd been trying to hide from Mairead as I moved; there weren't enough signs for me to be confident in my direction.

Well, this was an island; if I picked a random direction and walked, I would eventually get to the shore and could walk around until I found the mouth of the river. Closing my knife, I headed out in a general… let's call it easterly direction. Hard to tell exactly on an island where compasses don't work. Ruatha wrapped his tail around my arm as I moved.

After a few minutes of walking, we came to a more open part of the forest. The undergrowth in that section was matted down, as if crushed by a bulldozer. Underneath, the ground was uneven and pitted with broad, shallow holes. It shook too, trembling just enough to throw off my balance. I was instantly on the alert, hiding behind a tree while I looked around for predators. This shaking reminded me far too much of the cup scene in Jurassic Park. My heart pounded; I bit my lip.

Then my tree moved.

What had appeared to be a thick trunk with smooth grey-brown bark was a leg. A couple meters over my head, a barrel-like body brushed through leaves and branches. Except this barrel weighed twenty tonnes, with a long tail neck rising from one end and an even longer tail trailing off the other. I stood, frozen, as the Apatosaurus ambled away from me to munch on a fresh tree. Each of its footsteps caused the ground to shake a little more.

My mouth fell open. I rotated slowly in place, taking a closer look at my surroundings. The cleared area… Now that I was paying attention, I could see a dozen Apatosaurus trundling between the trees, their grey-brown hide blotched with green and gold to camouflage them. Not that they needed it; despite knowing of the existence of carnivorous dinosaurs, I couldn't imagine anything ever threatening those towering titans. Unable to stop myself, I followed the first Apatosaurus to its new tree, resting my hand reverently on its leg. It didn't react.

The dinosaur's skin was leathery and pebbled at the same time, as if someone had crossed an elephant and a football. It was warm too; not as warm as a mammal, but much warmer than any reptile I'd ever touched- even big ones like alligators. The only similar feeling I could remember was Ruatha. Under his feathery scales, the dragon had the same curious feeling of not-quite-warmth.

Something large nudged my back as I stood there stroking the Apatosaurus. I jumped in surprise and spun around, ready for a fight. Instead, I found myself staring into three sets of dark green eyes. Baby Apatosaurus… Although they were only babies in that they were of a size that seemed reasonable to me, rather than the titanic size of the adults. They were as large as Clydesdales, although with longer necks and smaller heads. My sudden movement startled them; they pulled back and froze, eyes wide.

"Buru?"

"Sorry. It's okay; I didn't mean to scare you." I held out my hand, as if I was introducing myself to a strange dog. The babies ignored it. So they weren't scent-oriented creatures then. After a few moments, one brave Apatosaurus stretched out and started nibbling at the end of my ponytail. Ruatha growled, but the dinosaurs ignored him in favour of investigating my hair. Soon all three of them were crowding closer, nosing and rumbling.

A tremendous explosion shook the air, making me jump. The volcano that signalled the duel. But while my heart leapt into my mouth at the noise, the dinosaurs were unaffected. They must be used to it. Even through my brief panic, the baby Apatosaurus kept up their examination.

At first I was surprised that the dinosaurs didn't have any fear of humans. They were a lot bigger than anything I was used to, true, but even moose were afraid of people, and they could derail trains with their heads. But these dinosaurs had never seen humans before, had they? Or at least not in any significant numbers, and probably not any that were hostile. Since I hadn't attacked them on turning around, the Apatosaurus babies decided I was harmless. They were curious, not afraid.

One of them stayed after my ponytail, while the second nibbled the edge of my hat, and the third shoved its head into my chest. I braced myself to keep from being knocked over. Patting the three of them, I began to wonder how far they would let me take this. None of them batted an eye when I moved in between them, although they twisted their necks to follow me. Placing my hands on one's shoulders got no reaction, even when I pressed down. Similarly, jumping up and down only got curious looks.

A thrill of fear ran through me. Before my dread- or common sense, or whatever- could make me freeze, I jumped and planted a foot on an Apatosaurus leg. Just like mounting a wall at parkour; I tacked up, placing my hands on broad shoulders and heaving myself up onto a rounded back. The dinosaur took a surprised step back, but the jerking motion came too late to keep me from getting on. I swung a leg over so I was sitting on the baby Apatosaurus like you would ride a horse.

Not that I've ever been much of a rider. I mean, I'd done a couple trail rides with my family at tourist places when we were travelling, but about the best thing that could be said about my horsemanship was that I'd never fallen off while the horse was walking. I'd never ridden at any pace other than a walk, never jumped, could barely even steer. Of course, with the lack of reins in this situation, that wasn't likely to come up. With nothing else to hold onto, I gently wrapped my arms around the base of a long neck.

None of the babies moved for a moment; I'd startled them. But when I didn't do anything besides sit there, they quickly regained their confidence. One even licked the tip of Ruatha's tail, which prompted an indignant chirp from the dragon. He didn't attack though, which was nice. Probably thought the dinosaurs were other dragons or something.

"Buru? Buru." The babies began to walk in circles, slowly at first as they tried to see what I would do next, then faster and faster. I held on tighter as the walking turned into a playful romp- still gentle and rolling, but picking up speed quickly.

After a few minutes, they stopped trotting in little circles and began cantering around the edge of the cleared area. My heart jumped into my throat, pounding like there was no tomorrow. I clung tighter on reflex, bouncing along on my mount's back. Painfully. My not-quite-healed tailbone sang in protest. But even if it hurt, I couldn't let go, couldn't let myself fall. Being trampled by cantering dinosaurs would hurt a lot more.

If I was physically capable of screaming, I would have. But my voice doesn't go that high, so what came out was more of a shocked yell. "Uaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

"Buru! Buru!" The Apatosaurus I was riding let out a pleased trumpet as it charged along with its friends. I'd like to assign a better pronoun to my joyful-yet-terrifying mount, but I had no idea how to tell dinosaur genders.

Once I'd managed to go a couple laps of the Apatosaurus clearing without falling off, the terror began to recede. Sure, I was still in pain and had no control, but I was starting to get my usual confidence back- the little voice in the back of my head that always assures me I can do things, even if some of them make people question my sanity. And now that that was back? Riding a baby dinosaur was awesome. Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun! Luckily for me, Apatosaurus can't jump any more than an elephant can. The cantering was unstable enough.

"Sesehihihihihi!"

"Buru! Buru!"

"Sha! Shara!" Even Ruatha was getting into it, his little baby roars echoing in my ears.

I slowly removed one arm from the Apatosaurus' neck to reach up and grab my hat. Once I was sure I wasn't about to fall off, I waved the headgear around like a cowboy in a cheesy comedy Western. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW!"

That was a little too far to take my bad idea. A playful buck from my mount sent me tumbling sideways and backwards. I replaced my hat and scrabbled to regain my hold, but it was too late. Tabarnak. As I realized I couldn't get a grip, I went the opposite direction instead- literally, as in kicking away from the dinosaur as hard as I could. Because the last thing I wanted was that trampling thing that was suddenly back on the table.

Flying through the air, I think I left my stomach behind. Or maybe it abandoned the rest of me when I noticed I was on a collision course with a tree. Merde. I yanked Ruatha off my shoulder and tucked him against my chest, tucking into a ball and starting to roll. Wood slammed into my back as I slammed into the tree upside down. I slid down to the ground, my eyes spinning. "Owww…"

Well, at least I had a charge of force if I needed to fight something. Or someone.

I staggered to my feet, dizzy, and replaced Ruatha on my shoulder. "You alright bud?"

"Tiid-bo…" My dragonet shook his head; his eyes were spinning even more than mine. He wrapped his tail around my arm and hid his face under his wing.

Okay, okay, enough fooling around. As much fun as dinosaurs were, I should get back to somewhere I could be involved in actual plot. Or at the very least, back to the Going Merry. So I resumed my plan of walking in a random direction until I got to either the shore or a notable landmark. The undergrowth closed in about me as I moved further away from the Apatosaurus clearing, shrouding me in shadow. Hot, overly humid, sticky shadow.

…This climate was making me really, really want to visit Drum Kingdom.

After mistaking an Apatosaurus leg for a tree, I tried to keep a better eye on my surroundings. This led to a lot of distractions, however, as I was walking through a prehistoric jungle. So many plants I'd never seen before except as fossils and pictures- what did each one do? Were any edible? Medicinal? Poisonous? I wanted to collect samples for testing, but none of them seemed to be seeding. That, or I had no idea what to look for in terms of their seeds. Equally possible.

It was beautiful. I could practically hear the opening theme from Jurassic Park even without any dinosaurs in view. Of course, as soon as I noticed that, I drew a sai with my left hand. Not that it would do much good against, say, T-Rex, but if a velociraptor or two came after me, it might help. I mean, they were two meters long, but most of that was tail. They only weighed as much as an adult corgi. Yes, they had wicked claws, but those claws were still only about the size of my finger. I could hold my own against something that small.

Now, if a three-point-four-meter-long, heavy-as-an-adult-man Deinonychus appeared out of nowhere and started swinging its terrible claws everywhere, then I would be scared.

The ground started to shake again, although with a different rhythm than at the Apatosaurus clearing. This time I took care to check that the plant I used for shelter was actually a plant, rather than a large leg. Easy enough to accomplish; just pick one of the gigantic ferns. I turned slowly as I walked, checking in every direction as I backed through the mess of angular leaves.

Nothing.

I backed into a tree trunk with a soft thump. What made the noise this time? A different variety of sauropod? A Stegosaurus? T-Rex? Should I run? Stay still and hope whatever it was didn't notice me? My heart was pounding in my chest again. Tabarnak, at least if it had been a modern animal, I'd know what to do! But no, I was a biologist, not an archaeologist. All I knew about dinosaur behaviour was half-remembered- and probably inaccurate- fragments from when I was a little kid.

…Wait… There wasn't a tree sticking out of this clump of ferns.

Something breathed on my head; my whole body went stiff. I looked up slowly, torn between terror and my need to know what was there. A beaked snout entered my line of sight, nearly filling my vision. It was topped by a conical horn, with two more perched above golden eyes higher up on the face. The massive construction was balanced out by a huge bony frill, reddish brown against the otherwise dull green hide. Oh, Triceratops. That wasn't so bad.

Sagging with relief, I patted the huge herbivore's leg. It was rougher than the Apatosaurus, almost scaly. "Maudit. You scared me. I thought you were a T-Rex or something."

"Ffff." The horned dinosaur snorted on my head again. One massive forefoot pawed at the ground beside me. Its eyes were fixed on my- oh no. Just to make sure I wasn't imagining things, I backed away slowly, moving from side to side as I did so. Tabarnak, I was right. Full, unblinking, Triceratops-to-bandanna eye contact. Could dinosaurs even see in colour?

The sensible thing to do in this situation- yes, I do sometimes know what that is- was not to run. I had no idea if I could outrun a Triceratops, how fast they were, but it was very unlikely. Still moving very slowly, I reached up and undid my bandanna, shoving the red fabric into a pocket. As soon as it was out of sight, the dinosaur relaxed. I reached out to pat its beaked snout.

"There, there. It's just me, see? Tiny, little, non-threatening me." I had no idea what twist of evolution made Triceratops react to red, and I didn't care. All that mattered here was that it wasn't charging me. "I'm just gonna walk away now, nice and slow. You never need to see me again."

So saying, I backed slowly off into the undergrowth. I might've gotten away with it too, had I not realized something about my outfit at the same moment Triceratops did. My bandanna wasn't the only red I wore. There were small splashes of the colour on my sneakers, and the ribbon of my hat. This displeased the mighty horned beast.

"Osti d'épais de marde!" I launched myself out of the way with a blast of force as Triceratops lunged forwards. Ruatha keened in fear. Scrambling off into the undergrowth, I searched for somewhere to hide. Preferably a small cave, or a camp belonging to one of the giants. Unfortunately, Triceratops runs a lot faster than a human. I was about two seconds into my flight when a tree came down behind me, courtesy of the horned behemoth turning to chase me down.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!" There were not enough cuss words in English, French, or the tongues of geeks to express what I was feeling as dinosaur breath puffed against my neck. Although… Admittedly, I'd never learned to curse in Klingon, so I could be wrong.

…Focus!

I kicked off the ground, launching myself with force again- straight up, this time. And just in time too; the Triceratops passed so close beneath me, I nearly left a footprint on its back. Rather than letting myself fall, I grabbed a nearby tree branch as I reached the peak of my jump. My horned friend didn't look up, continuing its charge off into the bush. I sighed in relief as I hauled myself awkwardly up onto the branch.

"Ruatha? How're you holding up?"

A single blue eye peeked out from the protective cover of the dragon's wings. "Ruh roo."

"Sorry bud. It's not like I'm trying to get us run over." I wrapped my legs around the branch for security and pulled out Samsung. "Here- why don't we take a break from trying to find the others and call Sabo?"

"Dah!"

The chief-of-staff of the Revolutionary Army picked up his snail on the second ring. "Jones? Is Luffy alright?"

"How'd you-?"

"You're the only person with this number so far." Oh, the smugness oozed out of Sabo's voice and Samsung's expression. Luffy's brother loved being able to parrot my own line back at me. "Now answer- is Luffy alright?"

"Yeah, the captain's doing great. That's not what I called to talk to you about. How quickly could the Revolutionary Army have a detachment at Drum Kingdom? Less than a week?"

Samsung frowned as Sabo considered my words. "Maybe, but it'd be tight. Why?"

"Somewhere between four and eight days from now- not exactly sure on the timing- King Wapol is gonna invade and try to kill the last doctor on the island. I don't know if we'll be there to stop him or not, so I figured I should try to call in some backup."

A moment of silence followed. Then… "Isn't Wapol the king of Drum Kingdom? How can he invade it?"

"He ran away a little while ago when pirates attacked, taking all the royal doctors with him. The civilians have done fine rebuilding without him and prefer him gone, but he's on his way back. That last doctor I mentioned has moved into the castle in order to gain a more central location and more room for treatments and experiments; he'll try to kill her to get it back." Not that I was actually sure Wapol could kill Kureha, but he'd try. And there was a good chance he'd do something to Chopper as well.

"That's- that's very useful information. I'll pass it on to our nearest cell; they'll do their best to get there in time. I don't suppose you'll share where you got that intelligence?"

"Nope. Not outside the crew."

"Pity." His tone of voice suggested he would keep asking every time I called. Stubborn as a D… Well, they did raise him. "Is there anything else?"

"Not at the moment, no. Tell Dragon I'll try to keep you posted. For now, I need to get back to figuring out where everyone else is before that Triceratops learns to look up. Later!" Ka-clik!

My hanging up cut off the beginning of some sort of noise of protest. Well, to be fair, so far every time Sabo and I spoke, the end result was me hanging up quickly with little to no explanation. It was probably getting annoying. I slipped Samsung back into its home pocket, before freezing and slamming a hand into my face. Merde. Had I really just offered myself as an informant to the Revolutionary Army?

Yes, I think I had. And Dragon was a hundred percent guaranteed to take me up on that offer- in part because he wanted what I knew, and in part to make sure I didn't betray any of the secrets I knew to the marines. Oh well, I'd deal with the consequences when they came up.

Below me, the Triceratops was still snuffling around. My leap had confused it, but it still seemed to think I was in the area. And it had friends coming; soon there was a whole herd of horned dinosaurs milling about beneath me, grazing, fighting each other, and generally making a mess. I had zero interest in going back to ground level with that going on. So I climbed slowly from branch to branch, moving from tree to tree. Ruatha held on tight and kept quiet as I moved.

I'd never tried something quite like this before, clambering through a jungle canopy. It wasn't much worse than climbing a tree normally though. And no, I didn't try swinging on a vine, nor did I attempt any tricks from Disney's Tarzan. I wanted to, but now was not the time to be screwing around with stuff like that. Falling into the herd of Triceratops would not be fun. But even going slow and carefully, it didn't take me long to get away from the horned beasts, thank the gods.

It was actually nicer up in the canopy than on the forest floor. Even if it was still hot and humid, there was a breeze up there. So even once I was well away from the Triceratops herd, I continued through the treetops to take advantage of that minor respite. At least, until my hand closed over a branch that wasn't as wooden as it looked. Scaly flesh bowed and shifted as I transferred my weight; the previously horizontal cylinder flopped vertical.

Snake. Of course.

"Sheeeeeeee! Draafus!"

Ruatha's shriek of surprise hurt my ears. Overbalanced, I fell out of the tree as my hand slid off the snake's tail. My dragon buried his face in my neck, wrapping his tail around my arm tight enough to bruise. As I fell, I left my stomach behind. There were a few seconds of wind rushing past my face, my eyes watering. Then I crashed into the ground. If it had been water, my descent would have been labelled a glorious belly-flop; as it was, I got my wind knocked out of me and a decent charge of force.

"Oww…" I stood with a groan. "Ta-!"

"Sh!" A hiss cut me off. I froze and spun around. Behind me, a lumpy, white building rose out of the forest floor. Wax as hard as steel, shaped roughly like a short, dumpy candle. Tabarnak. Mr Three's base of operations. Crouching under a window was Sanji; he was the one who'd hissed at me.

Falling to my hands and knees, I crawled over to the cook. "What's going on?" I whispered. Sanji tilted his head up towards the window.

"There's someone in there. I'm trying to figure out if the shitty bastard's dangerous or not. And you were in the sky… why? How?"

"Running from a bunch of dinosaurs who're hardwired to attack the colour red." I winced. "Better not ask about the details."

Nodding, Sanji held a finger to his lips. I clamped my hand over Ruatha's snout to make sure the dragonet stayed quiet. Just in time, too- my baby was about to start chattering right as a head popped out the window above us. Mr Three looked around for a moment- probably attracted by the noise of me falling- before going back inside. For a smart person, though, he was pretty stupid. I mean, what sort of master assassin doesn't look down?

Seconds later, voices came from inside the hut. First was- Crocodile? Wait- the phone call had already started? Ah, screw it. Whatever was going on here was clearly nothing like I remembered at this point. The butterfly migration had well and truly begun.

"What was that?"

"Nothing sir. Just some dinosaurs charging around, as usual. Back to business. Your orders, sir?"

"Just kill them too. If they're the pirates who killed the princess, we have no idea what they know or who they might sell the information to. And if they're not… No one will miss one crew of juvenile ruffians."

"Of course sir. My thoughts exactly."

"Just make sure you finish soon; the final phase starts a month from next Thursday, and I won't have you coming in late again. I don't trust anyone else with that insane gadget you invented."

"I-indeed sir. I promise we'll be on time."

"Just to make sure, I'm sending the Unluckies by with an Eternal Pose- no using getting lost as an excuse again."

"You have my word, sir." I could hear Mr Three wincing.

"See that you keep it. Otherwise…" Crocodile left the threat hanging- which I personally found far more ominous than if he'd spelled out details.

There was a quiet click as Mr Three hung up. Then he paused, before apparently turning to Miss Goldenweek. "So… We have an unknown number of pirates with unknown abilities running amok on the island. We don't know if they have any plans, if they intend to interfere with our assassination of the giants, if they even know we're here… How shall we destroy them?"

"Is that really something appropriate to talk about over tea?" Even without seeing Miss Goldenweek, I could tell she was pouting. She had a very expressive voice.

"Of course. What else would we discuss?"

"I dunno… I could show you the painting I finished yesterday?"

Mr Three sighed. "Why must you waste so much of your time with that? If you weren't so lazy, we could have taken out those giants weeks ago. Instead, I've had to do all the set up myself while you were occupied with your stupid art."

"Just because my art doesn't kill people doesn't make it stupid. And you know my Colour Traps don't last long; I can't do my setup until the last minute."

"I suppose you're right; still, I wish you wouldn't use that as an excuse to sit around all day. Come; we need to gather information on these pirates so we can better dismember them."

"Fine." China clinked as teacups were placed on the table. Footsteps; a few seconds later, the front door of the building opened and closed. I couldn't see the Baroque Works agents as they walked away, but I could hear their footsteps crunching through the brush from a long ways off.

Sanji huffed as he said what I was thinking. "City assassins. Don't know how to sneak in a forest."

"Do you think that'll make a difference?" I released Ruatha once I was sure Mr Three and Miss Goldenweek were out of earshot. The cook shrugged.

"Maybe; maybe not. Depends how much the other shitheads are paying attention."

Well, given what I knew of Mr Three's powers and strategies… "They're gonna get all the intel they want then. Merde. Well, at least we can win once it turns into a fire fight."

"If it turns into a fire fight," Sanji reminded me. I shot him a flat look, not bothering with a response. We were the Straw Hats; everything eventually devolved into a fire fight. I doubted any number of butterflies would ever change that.

The cook rolled his eyes, catching the meaning behind my expression. "Yeah, yeah, I know. With the shitty captain and the shitty moss ball around, someone's gonna get their face punched in at some point. But if there's even the smallest chance that these shitheads can get around our shitheads… With dear Nami still back on the ship, you and I are the only ones with any interest or ability in counter-espionage."

"There's Vivi and Carue- and maybe Mairead."

One spiral eyebrow rose. "Of course the lovely princess could do it- if she knew about them, and was on her own. But she's with Luffy. I'd like to see anyone pull off any level of espionage with him involved."

"You say that now, but he might surprise you."

"If Luffy ever pulls off a decent stealth op, I'll kiss Moss-Head." Sanji lit a cigarette as we rose and moved around to the front of the building.

"Saying things like that only encourages Murphy." I took my hat off and ran a hand through my hair. Maudit, what should we do? Try to warn everyone? Follow the Baroque Works agents- and if so, how far should we take it? Just surveillance? Sabotage? Ambush?

I broke out of my thoughts when I realized Sanji was no longer beside me. He was instead rifling about inside the candle-base, picking through documents and drawers. Not that he was finding much of use, if his growling and chewing on his cigarette was any indication. The cook snorted as he threw down a sheaf of papers. "Nothing we can use; it's all shitty artwork."

"You know those paintings and sketches were done by a twelve-year-old girl, right?" I came over to leaf through the papers myself. The artwork wasn't shitty in the least; in fact, it was some of the best I'd ever seen. Only to be expected from someone who used her art in combat, I suppose.

"Oh. Well, in that case, it's quite lovely. But it still doesn't give us anything to use against them." Sanji snuffed his cigarette out in one of the abandoned teacups. "Unless you know something that might help?"

"At this point, all I can be sure of is people's powers. Mr Three ate the Wax-Wax Fruit; he can create and control wax that's harder than steel. It melts just as easily as normal, though. Miss Goldenweek doesn't have a fruit; she fights by hypnotizing people using colour symbolism." Which was… actually a very risky thing to do. Symbolism is fairly fluid; one person with a different background or outlook than you expected, and your carefully prepared attacks could go down the drain faster than a dead goldfish. "I have some ideas that might counter her."

"Well, that's something, at least." We left the base, Sanji tucking his hands into his pockets. "So you don't know exactly what people're up to anymore. That's fine. And this shitty bastard's some sort of master strategist/assassin who likes overly-complicated plans. Think we can out-think him?"

"Maybe…" I actually wasn't confident about that. I didn't know enough about Galdino to- oh. "Okay, I might have… thirty percent of a plan. Mainly, I'll try and distract them so they can't set anything up."

That earned me the same flat look I gave Sanji earlier. "You call that a plan? Really?"

"I said it was a third of a plan, actually. And what did you expect? The less time I have to prepare, the more my plans sound like Luffy declaring he'll kick someone's ass." Folding my arms, I scowled up at the cook. He sighed.

"Fine, fine." Sanji rolled his eyes. "So, how do you plan to distract these people?"

"The same way I usually do- by spouting something I shouldn't know, getting strangled, and dealing with it however I can until either someone comes to kick their asses, I manage to kick their asses, or the enemies forget how to enemy."

For a few minutes, Sanji was completely silent. Something changed in the air- it was almost as if I could feel the disapproving stares of an entire world. Then… "That can't work all the time. Hell, I don't think it'll work now. It'll probably just move you up to number one on their assassination list. That's not a plan!"

My arms unfolded so I could place my hands on my hips. "Well then, what would you suggest?"

Sanji shot me a long, appraising look. "Hmm… Normally I wouldn't ask a woman this, but since you're so determined to be one of the shitheads… Have you ever wanted to ride a dinosaur?"

That was… "Yes. I also did just that not long ago."

"Excellent."

X

I was torn between thinking this was a terrible idea, and how awesome my part in this plan was. It had taken almost an hour for me to track down the dinosaur we needed while Sanji went after Mr Three, leaving a trail for me to follow. Now, how I was going to steer… Oh well, I'd figure that out once I was actually mounted.

"Here Tanky-Tanky-Tanky. I hope you don't blow up at red- or purple, or black. Or baby dragons." Ferns rustled around my knees as I walked slowly towards the huge beast. At least this one didn't have a herd, so the whole trampling thing was less likely.

An armoured head turned in my direction with a loud sniff. Watery gold eyes blinked; it was even audible, what with the plates of boney armour that even covered its eyelids. The body was what would happen if a snapping turtle and a tank had a baby. A club the size of my head swung side to side at the tip of a thick tail.

Ankylosaur.

It didn't charge me, which was nice. Nor did it react in any way when I patted its head and neck, or climbed onto its back. In fact, it didn't react to anything. Once I was sitting atop those boney plates, the Ankylosaur shook its head and went back to grazing. Unlike the previous ones I'd interacted with, this dinosaur didn't care about me one way or the other. Which caused a slight problem with Sanji's plan. Namely, how did I get it to move?

"Mush!" I slapped the Ankylosaur on its armoured rump. Nothing. "Go! Yah! Move! Mach schnell!" Flicking its head, kicking its legs, and hammering on its tail yielded similar results.

"Oh, come on! Fucking move! Newton's Second!" I slapped the armoured rump again, this time releasing a little burst of force. Okay, a lot of force. As much as I would have if I'd been trying to create a shockwave. Which… Well, I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't what happened.

The Ankylosaur's head shot up. It went stiff for a second, like a cartoon character who's been jabbed in the butt with a needle. Then it let out a pained bellow as it charged forwards. I grabbed onto the boney protrusions so I wasn't thrown off by the inertia. Which was something I should really be able to fight using my powers, now that I think about it.

"Batraaa!"

A heavily armoured skull crashed through a tree- and then another, and another, and another. Even more trees crashed down behind us as the club tail smashed from side to side. Despite the heat and humidity, the only thing I could think of was a Jingle Bells parody. Dashing through the snow/On a pair of broken skis/Over the fields we go/Crashing into trees/ The snow is turning red/I think I might be dead/And now I'm in the hospital with stitches in my head!

Ruatha keened, claws digging into my back as he fought to hold on. And then teeth; the dragonet dug his fucking teeth into the back of my neck to get an extra grip. Normally I would've slapped him for that, but I didn't have any hands free. Too busy trying to keep my own grip. How the ever-loving fuck did Sanji expect me to steer a bloody Ankylosaur?! All it wanted to do was go straight forward, regardless of what was in the way!

Thank the gods- or luck, or the plot- straight forward was more-or-less the way to the trail Sanji was laying. Although I didn't know this until a blur of blond and dark blue leapt out of the way of my charging mount. "Merde! Jones, watch where you're aiming that thing!"

"You act like I can do anything but hold on!" I yelled back as the Ankylosaur continued on its unstoppable way. A few seconds later, we came upon a figure dressed in striped blue and white. And the hair- I recognized Mr Three even without being able to slow down. He was in the process of making… something out of wax, although that something was promptly shattered by my charging mount. Mr Three himself leapt out of the way with a high-pitched shriek. Well, that's one way to distract someone.

Over the next several minutes, my Ankylosaur smashed several more wax objects- some old, some new; some painted, some not. I didn't really get a good look at any of them. At that point, I was more concerned with finding a way down without dying. The mission was accomplished, after all; Galdino had been successfully distracted. Which meant that every second I spent clinging to this uncontrollable tank was another second where I could be thrown off and trampled, or crushed by the debris from all the things the dinosaur was smashing into. Unlike the baby Apatosaurus, this was definitely not fun.

And then I saw water through the trees. The river; of course. Because nothing says "good afternoon" like being thrown, trampled, and drowned all at the same time. No way in any of the Nine Hells was I getting anywhere near that, no matter what I had to do. Well, at least I had experience jumping off cantering dinosaurs…

Not something I'd ever expected to say as part of my everyday life.

"This is gonna suck." I let go of the bone plates I was holding and launched myself sideways. With Ruatha currently more-or-less embedded in my back, I couldn't curl around him in a protective ball, so I splayed out and prepared to have the wind knocked out of me yet again. And the ground did not disappoint.

"Oww…" At least Ruatha released his death grip on my neck and shoulders. Warm blood dripped down from the tooth-and-claw marks. Pain! Although at this rate, I'd be pretty much inured against it by Sabaody, if not earlier.

I groaned and raised my head- only to come face-to-fabric with a maroon skirt and a pair of striped stockings. Looking up more allowed me to see a dark blue t-shirt under a cloudy button-down, red hair framing a child's face, and a broad-brimmed pink hat. Miss Goldenweek stared down at me in surprise. In the moment it took her to blink, I shot to my feet. She may have been a little kid and not a tough fighter, but letting her get my back was a bad idea. Very bad idea.

"You must be one of the pirates Mr Three saw earlier." Miss Goldenweek pulled out a paintbrush and settled into the weirdest, least threatening fighting stance I'd ever seen. "I guess I should capture you now; it'll save trouble later."

It wasn't often I was underestimated by someone half my size. I shifted into my own, far more combat-ready stance. "Bring it."

"Fine. Let's get this over with quickly. Sadness Blue!" Miss Goldenweek launched her attack with a twirl. I didn't dodge in time, unprepared for the speed with which she painted; a strange blue symbol splashed across my shirt.

Fuck. I was so worthless; I couldn't even keep a little girl from spilling paint on me. I didn't deserve to be a Straw Hat… Didn't deserve to live. Unnecessary… What was the point of even trying? I'd probably just screw up and get someone killed. That… I couldn't live with myself if that happened; the Straw Hats were my friends. Unable to cope with the sudden wash of emotions, I curled up into a ball. Ruatha crooned beside me; I could barely hear him over the ringing of inadequacy in my ears.

Above me, Miss Goldenweek cocked her head to the side. "Huh. It's never done that before. Usually people freeze and cry, not…" She trailed off, unsure how to describe my reaction.

How could I let myself get caught so easily? I'd fucked up… The crew would be better off without me around. After all, they did great in canon. Maybe I should just… My Swiss Army Knife was out of my pocket and open before I could complete the thought. I flipped my left forearm up, exposing my scars; phantom pain ran through the marks. The blade was about to pierce my skin when I remembered my promise. But… How could Luffy want someone like me on his crew? What use was someone who fell so easily into a… trap.

My knife snapped closed with a click as I realized. For once in my life… These feelings never made sense, but this time, it was because they weren't mine. It was this stupid paint. I couldn't believe I fell for a hypnotism trap based on subjective symbolism. But now that I knew what it was…

Miss Goldenweek wanted to play an arts game? Fine. Sadness wasn't the only thing blue could represent. Blue was the colour of the sea, the sky… Freedom. Blue was endless possibilities and the mysteries on the horizon, both soothing and dangerous. The depression fell away; my heart grew light. Like the feeling of flying during a vault. Miss Goldenweek stared in amazed confusion as I laughed.

"Sesehihihihihi!" My crazy grin made its appearance; my opponent took a step back. "You're good, very good. But you're fighting a writer using symbolism. That is a bad idea." And where else did I get the same thrill as during parkour? Sparring. There was nothing as freeing, as fun, as a good old-fashioned fistfight. I lunged to my feet, one fist aimed at Miss Goldenweek's head, the other ready to slam into her stomach or ribs should she block my first strike.

Except… I hesitated at the last second. As much as I love a good fight… I couldn't hurt a kid. Oh, I'd sparred with kids in the past, but I was usually teaching them. Light taps wherever I saw an opening, just enough to let them know what they had to work on. It wasn't like fighting Ghin, where I could hit as hard as I wanted and still barely do any damage- it wasn't even like fighting someone my own age from Earth. I'd had to hold back then, but I wouldn't have been worried about killing them, usually.

My hesitation gave Miss Goldenweek an opening. "Calming Green!"

The new symbol covered her previous one, replacing my thrilling feeling of freedom with a soothing coolness. Why should I fight? Sure, fighting was fun, but it was far too much effort in this heat. Sitting down and having a drink sounded so much better.

Shaking my head, I talked myself through it out loud this time. Mostly because I wanted to see Miss Goldenweek's reaction to how I was countering her. I wasn't disappointed; as I spoke, she gradually looked more and more terrified. "Green is the colour of the forest; of life, growth, healing, and wilderness."

Of course, as soon as I said that, I felt a thrill of dread. Because unlike with turning blue into freedom, I didn't know how my subconscious would react to wilderness. Dread was soon overpowered though, a rush of energy and adrenaline flooding my system. My mind went hazy; human thoughts became muted as something else rose underneath. I dropped to all fours, baring my teeth and growling. The soft little prey-beast in front of me squealed as I pounced.

"SHARARAAAAAAAAA!" Some tiny voice in the back of my head cried out that this was wrong, that this wasn't me. My instincts squashed it down. Of course this was me. I was a hunter; protecting and providing for the flight was what I lived for. Especially since I had a hatchling of my own to look after.

Weak arms shoved at me as the prey-beast tried to escape. I caught one of them in my teeth, biting down until I tasted blood. The prey-beast screamed. Then something tackled me from the side, forcing me to release her as I was knocked away. I turned to snarl at whatever had attacked me, only to see my own precious hatchling staring up at me with terrified blue eyes. He stood between me and the prey-beast, crooning and desperate. But what for? Why would he protect prey?

Mama, no! This isn't you! Something's wrong! Stop! You're scaring me!

Scaring-? I know we normally eat fish, but I can't swim, and prey is prey. I have to provide for you until we find the rest of the flight. I pushed my hatchling gently out of the way with my snout. You'll understand when you're older.

No! My dear little hatchling clamped his jaws over one of my forelegs, trying to hold me back as I stalked towards the prey-beast. No! I don't know what happened, but this isn't right! Mama! Stop!

"SHAAAAAAA!" I ripped my leg out of my hatchling's mouth and nipped his wing. He didn't understand; I was only doing what was best for him. Blood dripped down the limb; my hatchling had sharper fangs than I did, and my scales were weak. Someday he would surpass me in the flight.

I pounced on the prey-beast again as she tried to stand. She put up a better show of resistance this time, but hitting me with that silly little stick of hers would do nothing, and her shrill roar was more pathetic than threatening. "Laughter Yellow!"

"Sesehihihihihi!" I collapsed, laughing so hard I could barely breathe. Despite this, I was horrified by what I'd just done. My humanity… gone. I'd tried to kill a child, had seen her as prey; I'd even shoved Ruatha aside when he tried to tell me something was wrong. How could-? Those instincts were terrifying. Where had they even come from? I didn't know any animals that acted like that. Shudders ran up and down my spine; despite the forced laughter, tears of horror stung at my eyes. I never wanted to feel or think that way again.

Miss Goldenweek was preparing something else, mixing colours as I laughed and cried uncontrollably. There was a look of absolute terror on her face. I had no idea what she was planning, but it was probably something desperate and stupid. I couldn't let her; regardless of what I felt, what I'd just done, I couldn't lie here and let her capture me. But how could I counter yellow- without bringing up something else even worse?

Oh, right. Speaking through the laughter was difficult, but I forced the words out. "Yellow is the colour of hope, optimism, honour, loyalty, and joy. The colour that best represents my captain and crew."

It was similar enough to the original Laughter Yellow that I didn't experience any influx of emotions or strange instincts, but still far enough. My laughter calmed; the optimistic colour also helped me get over my horror at my previous actions. I grabbed Miss Goldenweek before she could finish mixing paints, holding her arms behind her back and knocking her palette away. It splattered black everywhere, making me raise my eyebrows.

"Betrayal Black? And what did you expect that to do to me? My friends aren't even here for me to betray."

"You know what it's called?" Miss Goldenweek turned her head to look up at me, although I couldn't tell if her look of horror was residual from my wild phase, or because I knew her moveset. Then she shook her head. "With the way you're changing everything, I expected you to turn it into Nothingness Black and put yourself into a coma."

Oh, she was good. That might actually have happened- and even if it didn't, what immediately came to mind when I thought of black was usually either depression or villainy. Either one of those would've been almost as bad as nothingness. Maybe I shouldn't have said any of my reasoning out loud. In hindsight, that was Bond villain levels of stupid. "Heh. You almost got me with my own game. Clever girl."

"Chaa?"

I turned to look at Ruatha as he climbed onto my shoulder. "Sorry bud. I should've listened to you."

"Shoro?" The dragonet continued his way up to the top of my head so he could lean down and stare in my face. Miss Goldenweek squirmed in my grip, then froze in terror. Yes, worse terror than she was already feeling from interacting with me.

"Um… Scary Pirate Lady? I don't think it was your little dragon." She jerked her head at something to one side.

I turned to see what had drawn the little girl's attention. As soon as I saw it, I felt all the blood drain from my face. I shot a mental middle finger to my author, biting back every curse word I knew. Murphy… Fucking Murphy. Apparently even things I just thought were fair game. Remember earlier, when I said I thought I could hold my own against Velociraptors? Yeah… That assessment was based on them moving in groups of three or four at most. It was a reasonable assumption- no fossil evidence had been found of them working in large packs.

Too bad I couldn't tell that to the twenty-odd dinosaurs staring at me from atop a fallen log.

They were covered in some hybrid of feathers and scales, much like Ruatha. In fact, the Velociraptors looked a lot like my dragon. They were about the same size; had the same feather-scales; their heads, teeth, and feet all looked similar- although Ruatha didn't have the sickle-like claws. The main differences were in the arms and shoulders; where the raptor limbs were held stiffly forward, Ruatha's wings had a much greater range of motion and were much longer in proportion to his body. But it was the eyes that truly set them apart- Ruatha's reminded me of a puppy or kitten, while the raptors looked like, well, raptors. As in an eagle that was trying to decide whether or not to eat a rabbit.

"Chaa?" The lead Velociraptor had a red crest that gave me some idea why Triceratops hated the colour. It took a step towards me, chittering at its packmates. I took a step back, pulling Miss Goldenweek with me; the raptor came forwards again.

Then, on some sort of silent signal, two of the raptors leapt. I launched myself backwards with a blast of force, again pulling Miss Goldenweek with me. The girl's eyes spun as we landed. "Owie… Thank you, I guess. But why would you save me?"

"Umm… Because you're just a kid and I don't wanna see a child get torn apart by raptors?"

"That's- Eeeeeeeeee!" Miss Goldenweek screamed as the pack of raptors rushed through the hole I'd blasted through the undergrowth. Force bursts really weren't the most subtle way to travel. I switched from holding the Baroque Works agent prisoner to holding her hand and pulling her along as I scrambled away from the Velociraptors. She wasn't a very fast runner though, between her short legs and chronic laziness. It was like trying to run while pulling a barrel of water.

And the raptors were fast. They had us surrounded in no time. My heart jumped into my mouth. Now, I've never been afraid of an animal that I could remember. When I was a kid, I used to pet wild bats and chipmunks; I love snakes, and spiders are adorable. But the raptors… Chills ran down my spine. They were so small, but the way they looked at us nurtured an unfamiliar pool of fear in the pit of my stomach.

"Chakakakaka!" The lead raptor darted in. Squealing, Miss Goldenweek climbed up onto my shoulders, burying her face in my hair. That saved her, although it led to little teeth digging into my arm as the Velociraptor tried go after her. Pain! And now I had some fresh blood running down from the wound.

I smashed my other fist down on its snout. The raptor released its grip with a snarl; I kicked it and bolted. Not that it did me much good. Running while carrying a child wasn't much easier than running while pulling one, and the Velociraptors weren't getting any slower. They kept after us, jumping and snapping. Ruatha was a saving grace; he bit and snarled at the raptors who went after Miss Goldenweek, leaving me free to focus on myself and my footing.

Sharp teeth and claws tore at me; fuck, fuck, fuck, pain, pain, pain! No matter how many of them I clubbed over the head, they just wouldn't stop. Blood loss was starting to make me weaken and slow, my brain going fuzzy. That- that wasn't good. I needed to speed up, not slow down. Otherwise we'd be eaten; I didn't want to be eaten!

How could something so small be so dangerous? At least, without being venomous. Needed to get out of here, get bandages, get help… I tried to force myself faster, but my muscles were already burning, past spent. And then my feet skidded on nothing, nearly sending me tumbling onto my face. I caught myself on a branch before I could go down completely; one of the Velociraptors tried to take the opportunity to lunge for my throat. Lucky for me, Ruatha was able to spare a moment from guarding Miss Goldenweek to give this particular raptor a taste of its own medicine, dragon teeth tearing through flesh. This bought me a few precious seconds, as the rest of the pack paused to examine their fallen comrade and re-evaluate their attack pattern.

Tabarnak. When did my life become a crappy Jurassic Park sequel? My writer was getting way too happy with all these dinosaur scenes. How exactly did she expect me to survive this?

…Running away wasn't working. I needed to fight back. Except, I couldn't. Why couldn't I make myself fight back? All I wanted to do was flee. I couldn't- couldn't turn and fight. Even the thought of trying made me start shaking, my knees weak and my heart pounding. Fuck… Luffy, a giant, anybody… I wanted to get out of here, to hide. Why was I acting like such a yellow-bellied…

Yellow. Merde. I still had the yellow paint on. And as much as yellow was the colour of everything else I'd listed- joy, honour, loyalty- it was also the colour most commonly associated with cowardice. And Miss Goldenweek was too busy crying into the back of my head to do anything useful like help me get the paint off.

Okay, apparently fighting was out. So I had no choice but to keep running until I could find help or get this paint off. Except- and this thought was punctuated by a raptor biting my ankle to emphasize it- running wasn't working. I kicked the raptor away as I continued my futile scramble away from the pack, slipping and skidding through the undergrowth. Fucking Hell, even friction had it in for me.

And then I fell. Exhaustion, injury… It was too much. I couldn't run anymore. The raptors chattered triumphantly as they closed in; time seemed to slow down as death approached. I was too tired for fear anymore, in too much pain to feel anything else, except… mild nausea? I was pretty sure I was out of force after that jump blast at the beginning of the chase; where did the nausea come from?

I'd worry about that later. If you have it, use it. When the raptors tried to dogpile us, I released another force blast to try and get away. It sent me shooting across the ground as if the mud and undergrowth had become ice- friction was apparently taking a holiday. But at least it got me and my passengers away from the Velociraptors faster.

I stood up as soon as I stopped sliding, only to slip again. Staggering against a tree, I could still here the raptors coming after us. Didn't they ever quit? My limbs trembled as I tried to start running again, only for my feet to slip around as friction refused to function. Seriously, where had it go-?

Oh.

"Stupid! So stupid!" Despite the carnivorous dinosaurs I was trying to escape, I wasted a fraction of a second smacking a palm into my forehead. Friction was a force- one which I was apparently absorbing in my panic. Okay… Since I couldn't seem to turn that function of my powers off without calming down, how could I use it? It made running difficult, I slid everywhere like I was on ice… I deserved a second face-palm for being so stupid. This took low WIS to whole new levels.

Pushing off the tree, I forgot about running in favour of skating. Oh, that was much better. So much faster, so much more efficient- and since I was running on fumes and my head was starting to feel like it was made of cotton balls, I needed that. Of course, I was still moving at a slower pace than the raptors could run at full tilt, and the lack of friction made steering extraordinarily difficult…

Many George of the Jungle impressions were left on trees that day.

And then I slammed into something that wasn't made of wood. At that point, though I hadn't really noticed, the raptors hadn't been attacking for about thirty seconds. They were still watching though, lurking among the trees behind me. Which was good for me, since I had just face-planted into what felt like an overstuffed leather recliner. That did it for me; I crumpled sideways, unable to keep moving. Ruatha jumped off my head and began licking my face, crooning worriedly. After a minute, Miss Goldenweek released her hold on my shoulders and climbed off my back. Shadows moved above me.

Something nudged me in the ribs. "This little one looks like she's hurt pretty bad." Familiar voice- one of the giants? Which one though? I didn't remember which was which. The one with the short beard and horned helmet. He wasn't quite as tall as I'd expected. On the page, the giants had looked taller than the tallest tree; in reality… I'd put the giant at thirty-some feet tall, plenty shorter than the trees, and even some of the dinosaurs I'd seen. Not that thirty-some feet was small by any means.

"Ah! Big Sis!" Three smaller shadows jumped off the giant's shoulders- one blue, one green, one brown. Johnny and Yosaku pulled rolls of bandages out of their coats, having apparently taken a page from Ghin's book.

Yosaku shook his head. "Shit, Big Sis, what happened? You're almost as much of a trouble magnet as Big Bro Luffy."

I panted, my lungs burning. Everything stung and ached; I had sweat and dirt caked into my wounds. Since I couldn't speak to answer, Miss Goldenweek did so for me.

"We were fighting… There were raptors- the scary pirate lady could've left me behind, but she didn't. They might've left her alone if she had."

"Nah, Big Sis would never do that. She hates seeing kids hurt." Johnny did his best to clean the bites as Yosaku was wrapping them up- by which I mean he was wiping the dirt off with a rag and dripping rum all over me. It burned, and it stank something awful, but it was the best antiseptic I was liable to get at the moment. I grit my teeth and bore with it.

"The littlest one is hurt too," the giant crouching over us pointed out. This prompted Usopp to pull out his own roll of bandages. Frowning, the gunner examined Miss Goldenweek's arm.

"That doesn't look like the bites Jones has. It looks… human…"

Miss Goldenweek bit her lip and glanced down at me. "I- Like I said, we were fighting. I accidentally turned her into a wild- I don't know what. She bit me before I turned her back."

"You did WHAT?" Cue four jaws- one of them the size of a bathtub- dropping to the ground. The little girl shrugged.

"My hypnotism does different things to her than to most people. Actually, um, you should probably get that yellow paint off her. I'm not sure what it's doing."

"On it." Whatever solvent Johnny used to get the paint off my shirt burned when it got in one of the raptor bites. I groaned.

It took a comically long thirty seconds for Usopp to actually process what Miss Goldenweek had said. Once he had, he shrieked and jumped up onto the giant's foot. "Wait! Who are you? Why were you fighting Jones?" He aimed a rotten egg at the little girl's face, his hands trembling as he held his slingshot.

Squeaking, Miss Goldenweek bowed. "I- I really shouldn't say. None of you were supposed to see me."

Yosaku glanced up at the giant. "Big Bro Broggy?"

The giant snorted. "She must be one of the little people from that candle house down by the Triceratops breeding grounds."

Red pigtails went rigid with surprise. "You- you knew we were here?"

"Gabababababababa! Of course we did!" The forest shook with the giant's laughter. Miss Goldenweek frowned in confusion.

"But then, why didn't you ever come after us?"

"Why would we?" Broggy shrugged. "You never did anything to us, and you weren't armed. It'd be dishonourable to attack a single father and his child without reason; the gods of Elbaf would smite us down."

"Oh…" Miss Goldenweek didn't look like she understood, but Usopp nodded and beamed. The sniper lowered his weapon and slid back down from his perch on Broggy's shoe.

"Of course! Great warriors never attack children- it would be unfair!" Usopp puffed up his chest like some sort of demented rooster. "Only bullies beat up on people who can't fight back, and everyone knows bullies are secretly the most cowardly of all!"

Johnny groaned. "Someone make him stop." The blue hunter turned to glare up at Broggy. "I blame you. Big Bro used to make sense before you told him all those weird stories about the gods of Elbaf."

"Gabababababa! I didn't do anything! Little Longnose already wanted to be a great warrior; all I did was tell him about the great deeds of warriors past!"

"Is that why the scary pirate lady hesitated?" Miss Goldenweek paused thoughtfully. "Because I'm a child? But I can defend myself… I'm not helpless. And Mr Three isn't my father."

My lungs had finally stopped burning enough to move and talk. I sat up with a groan of pain. Oww… Even just sitting up made my head spin. All of my exposed skin was covered with bandages, except for my face. Yosaku shook his head as he wrapped a final length of gauze around one of the bites on my legs. "Big Sis, you shouldn't get up yet. Those things almost ate you alive."

"Not my fault I'm delicious." I turned to Miss Goldenweek. "And yes, that's why I hesitated. I couldn't hurt a kid- not even one who works for Baroque Works." I tacked that last bit on for my crew mates' benefit. Their gasps were appropriate and satisfying.

The little girl drooped. "Does everyone know Mr Three and I are here, and what we're doing?"

"Yes. Sanji and I overheard your snail call with Mr Zero."

Sighing, Miss Goldenweek shook her head. "I guess we're not very good assassins then. Does that mean you're going to kill me?"

Johnny, Yosaku, and Usopp all let out squawks of protest; I shook my head. "No, I wasn't planning on killing you. If I was gonna do that, I would've left you for the raptors, and I already said I would never do that."

"But why? If I'd caught you, you would've died."

"Because I'm an idiot with a weirdly skewed conscience and an underdeveloped sense of self-preservation." I rolled my eyes and forced myself to my feet. Ow, ow, stiff, sore; moving was a very bad idea. Pain made me twitch involuntarily; my head spun. I leaned on Yosaku to keep from falling.

A tremendous explosion made the ground shake; Broggy stood up from his crouch. "Once again, it's time…" The giant swung his axe and marched off through the trees. We followed him at a jog- even Miss Goldenweek, who seemed to have decided that trying to escape right now wouldn't work out for her. Although her jog was more of a brisk walk, and even that left her panting in short order.

By the time we'd arrived at the giants' battleground, I was exhausted again. And hungry. I sat down on a log and pulled an apple from my utility belt. It helped, but it wasn't quite enough. Blood loss needs protein, not just sugars. Miss Goldenweek sat beside me, with Ruatha draping himself over both our laps, while Usopp, Johnny, and Yosaku stayed standing. The sniper's eyes glowed as Dorry arrived from the opposite direction.

Steel clashed on steel as the giants commenced their duel. Sparks the size of cantaloupes flew off the aged weapons. These sparks were reflected in Usopp's huge, shining eyes; he made little noises of excitement every time sword met axe. In fact, the sniper was practically vibrating in place.

"This is so cool! I can't wait to go to Elbaf!" Usopp's voice was like a little kid being told they were going to Disneyland. His eyes went from reflective to full-on stars. "We're gonna go there someday, right Jones?"

"Definitely." Okay, so it hadn't happened by the time I came here, but it was almost as guaranteed as Luffy becoming king of the pirates. The only question was when. Usopp squealed a little and fell to his knees.

And I have to admit, watching the giants battle was awesome. Weapons traced silver arcs through the air; helmets rang like church bells whenever they were struck. I swore I could hear giant muscles straining when Dorry and Broggy locked together, trying to throw each other off center. But they were equally matched in every way; strength, speed, balance. As a martial artist, it was beautiful to watch, a dance of steel and power.

Rapid footsteps approached around the edge of the clearing; those of us watching the fight were joined by Luffy, Vivi, and Carue. Luffy was nearly as enthralled by the giant duel as Usopp. The princess, on the other hand, was twitchy and anxious, staring around as if she expected Velociraptors to leap out and attack her. Carue wasn't much better off; the duck kept jumping at shadows.

"Have you seen Mairead?" You knew Vivi was worried when she had no qualms addressing me with that question, despite Johnny and Yosaku being available. "She said she was going to find Ghin, but I haven't seen her in a while."

"Eh?" My head was a little fuzzy for that to make sense on its own. "Context, please?"

Vivi scowled and rolled her eyes. "Mairead came to us after you ran off somewhere. Then she heard you yelling and went looking for Ghin, I guess hoping that he could talk some sense into you before you got yourself eaten or something."

"Then maybe she's with him." I frowned, the princess' words not making sense. "Why're you so worried? It's not like we all have den-den mushi and hers suddenly dropped out of contact."

"I know. And I wouldn't be worried, usually, but we went back to the ship a little while ago to pick up some rum, and Nami and Jack weren't there. There was a note from those two," Vivi nodded at Johnny and Yosaku, "But it explicitly stated that Nami and Jack had decided to stay behind. Something's wrong."

That got the hunters' attention. They jumped, forgetting about the titanic battle occurring over our heads. "What?! Big Sis Nami's gone?! How? Where?"

"If I knew, I would tell someone." Ouch. Vivi rolled her eyes at the hunters, unamused by their obliviousness while at the same time making a jab at me.

Although, to be fair, I wasn't amused either. I sighed and rubbed my temples. "Were there any clues? Anything to say where they might've gone? Whether the ship was attacked by a dinosaur?"

"There was some white stuff on one rail." Vivi retrieved a chunk of something out of her pocket and throwing it at me. I caught it before it could bounce off my head and into the bush. Although honestly, it would've been easier to see there than on the white rails of the Going Merry. Vivi must have excellent eyesight. "It feels a little like wax, but it's much too hard."

Tabarnak. Mr Three had them. Miss Goldenweek gasped, realizing the same thing. That drew Vivi's attention to the little girl sitting at my side. The princess jumped back, pulling out her Peacock Slashers and setting them spinning. "Who's this?!"

"Lisa," Miss Goldenweek introduced herself before I could. "My name is Lisa. The scary pirate lady saved me from Velociraptors."

Her story didn't appease the princess, although calling me scary did get a snort of amusement. "What're you doing here that you needed saving from Velociraptors? You're twelve- it's not like you just happen to be on an island full of dinosaurs and no people." Dark grey eyes snapped to mine. "Jones? Is she with Baroque Works?"

Okay… A, how was that the first conclusion you jump to, and B, "What're you gonna do if she is?"

That brought Vivi up short. The princess froze, staring at the little girl. Johnny and Yosaku watched with interest; Luffy and Usopp were still focused on Dorry and Broggy's duel. The pair roared and cheered enthusiastically, trying to outdo each other in their loudness.

"You can do it Broggy! For the glory of Elbaf!"

"Get him Giant Guy! For Pony!"

Thank you for breaking the mood, Captain. Vivi's stare turned to Luffy, and she was joined by everyone else. Even Usopp took a break from watching the duel to shoot the rubber boy a look of utmost confusion. "For Pony?"

Luffy shrugged. "I was gonna say 'Spoon!' but that doesn't sound like a battle cry."

"Fair enough." The sniper shrugged and turned back to the clashing duel, just in time to see Dorry and Broggy simultaneously knock each other's helmets off. There was a deafening clatter as the enormous pieces of headwear crashed down into the jungle.

Both giants stumbled back and sat down, exhausted, their duel ending in yet another draw. They panted and laughed, clapping each other on the back. "Gabababababa! A good fight, as always!"

"Gegyagyagyagyagya! Same to you, old friend! It's just too bad- we'll never get home at this rate…"

"It could be worse. At least we're together."

"Very true."

Vivi returned to scowling at me and Miss Goldenweek as the giants laughed and roughhoused. Then the princess shook her head, letting out the biggest sigh I'd ever heard and grinding her knuckles into her forehead. "I just- I give up. As much as I don't like you, you seem to know what you're doing. If you want to make friends with all the Baroque Works agents, fine. Just make sure you can stop your friends attacking my country." Vivi huffed and rode away; presumably she and Carue were continuing on their search for Mairead.

Miss Goldenweek looked lost. She stared after Vivi for a long moment, then edged closer to me. Small arms wrapped around a bandaged limb; the little girl was hugging my arm. I shot her an incredulous look as I tried to pull away. This was very uncomfortable. But she was latched onto me like a bloody tick or something.

It didn't take long for my distaste to become palpable. "What're you doing? Let go."

"But I'm scared, and you're the only one here who likes me." Her face didn't show any fear, but Miss Goldenweek's voice tremored a little as she spoke. And then it hit me like a train; secret agent or no, she was still a little girl. In a situation like this- surrounded by people she didn't know, unable to control anything, with a person nearby who could twist and nullify her fighting techniques- it was only natural for her to be terrified. I would be, and I was twice her age.

"Do you want everyone to like you? I thought you were trying to capture and kill us." Very carefully, trying my best not to hurt her, I pried my arm free of Miss Goldenweek's hold. If only she'd been as considerate with me; her hug, as well as being generally uncomfortable, made the raptor bites on that arm burn even more from being touched.

"Yeah, I'm supposed to… But you saved me when you could've left me behind. I don't wanna kill you anymore." The little girl sighed. "It's not like you stand a chance against Mr Three anyway, so I may as well enjoy you while I can."

Right, Galdino was still on the loose. I needed to be more concerned about that. My arm finally free, I snapped my fingers to get my crew mates' attention. "Luffy! Usopp! Johnny! Yosaku! Mr Three has Nami and Jack- and maybe Mairead too. Also, Vivi just ran off alone to look for them."

The captain went stiff at my words, all traces of happy-go-lucky amusement draining from his face. "Mr Three… He's one of the guys who works for the Gator, right? Where is he? I'll kick his ass!"

"Not sure where he is Captain." I flinched as the dread I should feel in this situation finally caught up with me. Cold, hard, like I'd swallowed an ice cube the size of my fist. "But we need to find them quick- he might try to turn them into candles or wax statues." Man, Galdino was a sick fuck, wasn't he?

Luffy's eyes blazed; his knuckles popped, he clenched his fists so hard. "I won't let him… Jones, what does he look like?"

"Blue and white striped shirt, glasses, and his hair's tied up to look like the number three. You couldn't miss him if you tried."

"Right." Nodding, Luffy took off into the forest. He did nothing to hide his location as he crashed through the undergrowth; of course, on an island full of dinosaurs that weren't exactly quiet, this might not give him away. Johnny, Yosaku, and Usopp stared after him.

"Is it really safe for Big Bro to run off alone like that?" Yosaku wanted to know. The ice cube of dread in my stomach started to melt, sending cold rushing through my veins as I remembered what Mr Three could do.

"Probably not. Do you two have anything in your trap kits that could be used to make a signal?" Both hunters nodded, so I pushed on. "Follow Luffy and signal if you see Mr Three or get in any other sort of trouble. Usopp, you're with me." And then, almost as an afterthought, I added, "And if anyone sees Sanji, tell him I said his plan sucked. He can ride the out-of-control Ankylosaur next time."

Johnny and Yosaku shot me confused looks before shrugging, saluting, and taking off into the forest. Usopp frowned. "What was that about?"

"We were trying to distract Mr Three so he couldn't start trapping people. It didn't work, and my role was not as fun as it should've been."

Thunderous footsteps shook the ground as Dorry and Broggy stood up. The giants stared down at us in concern. "Is something wrong, little ones?" They were like an enormous version of our hunters, perfectly in sync.

Usopp glanced up at the giants. "Some of our friends got kidnapped. Ah! But there's nothing to worry about- Detective Usopp is on the case!" He rubbed under his nose, betraying his nervousness.

Dorry smiled, letting out a huff of laughter. "That's good to hear. A true warrior never lets anything get between himself and his friends."

Broggy nodded. "That said, we can help you if you'd like. The more eyes you have, the more quickly you can find your friends. I swear on my honour as a warrior of Elbaf, we will only search; we won't interfere with your battles."

The Straw Hat gunner beamed. "Thanks guys- you're the best! So, we're looking for a redheaded girl, a muscle-lady in a checkered dress, and a loud guy who dresses like a prince!"

"We'll call if we see them." The two giants began walking in opposite directions, scanning through the vegetation as they shoved trees aside.

Just before Usopp and I took off on our own search, Miss Goldenwek grabbed my arm again and tugged. "Scary Pirate Lady… What about me?"

"That's up to you. Help us, leave, try to capture us… I don't care. Just remember, if you try to take us, you're fighting me again. And I'll be more careful about how I counter your hypnotism." I jerked my arm free of the girl's grip, inviting a burst of pain.

She paused for a moment, thoughtful. Shrugging, Usopp and I jogged off into the jungle. We needed to find the others. Hopefully we'd get there on time to melt Galdino's Creepy Candle of Doom before it turned people into statues- if he was even using the same technique as in canon. Although if he was using something else, melting it was probably still the solution. After a few seconds, there was loud scrambling in the undergrowth behind us.

"Wait for me!" Miss Goldenweek barely managed to catch us, her little legs pumping as hard as they could. She was panting when she barrelled into my back, her face red. Usopp and I paused; the little Baroque Works agent collapsed at my feet. For an assassin, she wasn't in very good shape.

"What? Why should we?" Usopp aimed his slingshot at Miss Goldenweek. The little girl stared up at us, tears in her eyes. Her lip stuck out in an adorable pout.

"I- I don't wanna be alone out here. What if the dinosaurs come? I promise I won't get in the way, or try to capture you. Pinky swear!" Holding up her right hand with the little finger extended, Miss Goldenweek stared into my eyes.

"Fine." I hooked my pinky through hers, pulling her to her feet. She didn't stay standing long. Sighing, I crouched down. "Climb on. You're light enough that I'm fine to carry you, as long as we don't get in a fight. If we do, I'll have to drop you."

"Okay." For the second time that day, I had a child on my back as I made to go on. Oh well, at least this time I didn't have to run, and there were no Velociraptors in sight. Ruatha chattered grumpily, moving to my head, as Usopp and I started jogging again.

X

"HIIIIIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

We'd been searching for almost an hour when we heard the scream. I couldn't tell if it was Nami or Vivi, but it couldn't have been anyone else. Usopp froze, turning in the direction of the sound as he began to shake. "I- they're that way! What do we do?!"

"We can't decide that until we get there and see what's going on," I reminded him. The gunner gulped and nodded. Taking the lead as we continued on our way through the brush, I carefully picked a path towards the source of the scream. Usopp had his slingshot out and ready, jumping at shadows as we walked. A few minutes later, we stumbled upon Mr Three's chosen base of operations; I held an arm out to stop Usopp from walking out of the trees and giving us away. Grabbing Ruatha's snout to keep him from making noise, I crouched down behind a fern to take stock of the situation before us. Usopp got down beside me, holding one hand over Miss Goldenweek's mouth to prevent her from alerting Galdino to our presence.

The location was different than canon- a glen at the base of an inactive volcano instead of a large clearing. Despite this, his methods were the same. Wax rose from the ground in a massive table decoration of death; a cliff on the volcanoes flank had Dorry and Broggy pinned against it, wax nails piercing their flesh and clothing. The giants were barely conscious, their faces creased with pain. I wondered how the wax man had managed to capture the giants- they were gagged, so I could at least see how he'd kept them from calling and warning each other, but that didn't explain how he'd taken them down. There must be traps set up somewhere on the island; it would make sense, since Dorry and Broggy were Mr Three's original targets.

And, of course, the horrid candle was raining flakes of wax down on a number of our captured crew mates. Nami, Jack, Mairead, Zoro, Johnny, Yosaku… Usopp and I got there just as Mr Three added Vivi to the display. The princess struggled weakly, but she was badly hurt; it looked like she'd gotten into an altercation with some sort of large animal, rather than Mr Three himself. Everyone else bore some level of injury as well. Carue and Luffy were nowhere to be seen.

"HEY UGLY! LET THEM GO!" Oops, my mistake. The captain charged in on duck-back just as Mr Three finished securing Vivi to the display. Rubber fists smashed against a defensive wall that the Baroque Works agent threw up at the last moment.

Mr Three smirked. "Heh. I knew capturing your little friends would draw you out. So predictable." The wax man flung sharpened bits of hard white, forcing Luffy to dodge a deadly rain.

As the fight heated up, I looked at Usopp. "We need to get the others out. If that thing keeps dumping wax on them, they'll turn into statues and die."

The gunner squeaked. "But… How do we do that? You saw that wax wall- even Luffy couldn't punch through it!" Usopp looked up at our trapped crew mates. "And I don't think Zoro's idea is gonna work."

Tabarnak. The bosun was trying to cut his own feet off to escape. Idiot… Didn't he know there were major arteries there? Cutting his feet off without a way to stop the bleeding was an excellent way to get himself killed. I put Miss Goldenweek down and began rifling through my utility belt.

"It may be hard, but it's still wax. We can melt it." I pulled out a box of matches, then began using my Swiss Army Knife to cut branches off nearby trees to use as kindling. Usopp's eyes lit up; he pulled a coil of rope and a small can of oil out of the bag he always carried around.

Miss Goldenweek stared at us. "You guys… You're not as dumb as Mr Three said you'd be. But you still can't win. He'll take down your captain and get the rest of you, even without my help. It's too bad; I was starting to like you, Scary Pirate Lady."

"It's Jones," I informed her as I stripped bark from my kindling. "And your lack of confidence hurts, it really does. We're a lot tougher than you think we are."

Wax shrapnel tore through the ferns around us as Luffy broke one of Mr Three's creations. I glanced up at the fight; my captain's feet were bound together with heavy, white shackles that he was using as a crude hammer. It made him slow and sloppy, but he didn't seem to need help. Yet, at least. Usopp whined as he finished oiling his rope.

"How're we gonna get in to light it though? Or even set things up on that candle thing?" The gunner chewed his lip and glanced up at the doomsday device. I followed his gaze. Zoro had given up on trying to cut his feet off and struck a dramatic pose with his swords. On either side of him, Johnny and Yosaku were posing similarly. Meanwhile Jack was panicking, Nami and Mairead had their faces cradled in the palms of their hands, and Vivi was swaying dazedly. The princess had a bloody welt on the side of her head that looked worse than most of her other injuries. In fact, between her, Zoro's assault on his own ankles, and everyone else's injuries, I could smell the blood even from where Usopp and I were hiding.

"We need to get Carue's attention. He can take you to wrap your rope around the base; he's fast enough that you won't get hit that way. And I can just throw my sticks."

"But what if you hit our friends?!" Usopp's voice squeaked as he tried to keep quiet while also shrieking at me.

"I'm sure they'd rather get a minor burn than end up dead and encrusted in wax. Besides, with as much wax as they already have on them, I doubt I'll hurt them."

Usopp sighed and shrugged. "If you say so… How do we get Carue's attention then? I don't wanna shout- the wax guy might notice before I can do anything."

Well, Galdino was being distracted by Luffy, so I doubted that would be an issue, but if it made Usopp feel better… "I could provide a distraction- just nothing to do with Ankylosaurs. Not that I think I could find one right now…"

But what kind of distraction? I didn't have a lot of time to run off and get something… But most of the stuff in my belt was for sabotage and assassination; I didn't have anything flashy that would draw Mr Three's eye. Unless I lit something on fire, but we were already doing that, so it might not be as effective. Plus, too many fires and I could set the jungle alight, something I didn't want to do. As much as they may have been assholes, I didn't want to leave the dinosaurs homeless.

Thud.

A giant footstep shook the forest, interrupting my thoughts. I looked around, unable to spot anything, yet certain something was there. Then I heard snuffling noises among the trees. What was it though? Not an Apatosaurus; I'd already determined they weren't scent-based creatures. But the sniffing came from so high up… Was there a tiger up in the trees somewhere? But they wouldn't make the thudding noises…

Thud.

Something was moving, something green. It was far too large to be a tiger, as tall as one of the trees hiding it from my view. Rustling, followed by a plop; a great glob of saliva dropped onto a log. Even Luffy and Mr Three paused and looked around, although it was only for a second. Everyone trapped on the candle, though- they stared around in confusion, searching for the source of the footsteps that shook their prison. Even Zoro cast his eyes around, although he did so without twitching from his epic pose.

Thud.

What little oil was left in Usopp's can shook as acid green scales emerged from the forest. Fangs like butcher's knives in a great, boxy head; talons like swords on the enormous feet, while two tiny arms dangled uselessly from the towering body. One yellow eye surveyed the glen, but it was secondary to the creature's deep, snuffling breaths. The other eye was hidden by a web of cuts and drying blood, too injured to use. A blade of some sort, which meant the dinosaur had tangled with one of my crew mates; if it had been one of the giants- or even Zoro, actually- the beast would be dead. A threatening hiss escaped as those muscled jaws dropped open.

Tyrannosaurus Rex. Shit.

The T-Rex continued sniffing, step by step coming out of the trees until it was visible in its whole deadly glory. Usopp squeaked beside me, shaking. I wasn't much better; even if I wasn't shaking, my blood ran cold. And yet, somehow, Luffy and Mr Three were able to keep fighting without pause. Not that the dinosaur was focused on them. No, the T-Rex was sniffing in the direction of my crew mates trapped in the candle.

Tabarnak. It was attracted to the smell of blood, wasn't it?

"HARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

And then the Rex roared. It was louder than cannon fire, more terrifying than anything I'd ever heard. The trees shook; the volcano started smoking. Sword-like talons ripping up dirt, the dinosaur charged at my trapped friends. Its deadly gaze was fixed on Vivi.

Tabarnak. If something happened to her, it meant bad things for Alabasta. Very bad things. Maybe not for the Straw Hats- no matter what happened, I was sure Luffy could still beat Crocodile- but for the kingdom itself… How could they rebuild after an attempted coup if their princess got eaten by a T-Rex? Nope, nope, nope, couldn't let that happen.

I shot to my feet so fast Ruatha was fired off my head. My body moved on its own as I bolted out into the glen. "NewplanUsopp! Here'syourdistractiongottagobye!"

No, I didn't have a plan. I had no idea how to fight a T-Rex, or distract it, or control it. I wasn't thinking at all as I raced across the ground. Adrenaline made me shaky; I nearly slipped as my fear made me start absorbing friction again. The cold flowing through my veins was joined by force nausea, trembling, and a sudden stress headache.

"GET DOWN!" Not that it would help much, but still.

I reached the Doom Candle at the same time as the T-Rex. Great, drooling jaws opened to take a bite out of Vivi; I flung myself in front of the princess, shoving her over. Not that she could go anywhere, with her feet still trapped in wax. Vivi fell on her back, staring up at me in confusion. And then…

PAIN!

Pain in my shoulder, my arm, my back, my ribs. I was being stabbed everywhere by those awful teeth. I couldn't feel anything else; I could barely breathe. It felt like my right lung was collapsed- or possibly full of liquid. Hard to tell. Not that it would likely matter for long. Twelve bright drops of red fell from my shoulder, splashing on Vivi's face, before more blood began to well up and run down my chest and arm. Far, far too much blood, especially when I was already in poor condition.

Well, if I was going to die, I wasn't going alone. My voice was cracked and bubbly when it came out, barely a voice at all. I tasted the blood bubbling up from my throat. "Newton's… Second…"

I channelled all the force I had into the T-Rex's head, through every point of contact. The result was like a video game headshot meeting a Michael Bay movie- blood and fragments of skull flew everywhere. Well, at least the pressure from the jaw muscles was gone, even if the pain was only getting worse. Vivi's mouth fell open as gore exploded behind me; I think she was too terrified to even scream. I'm afraid I didn't make things any better by immediately falling forwards onto her, unable to hold myself up. Blackness slowly moved in from the edges of my vision.

"What? Why?" The princess' voice was barely audible, a whispered hiss of shock and disbelief. And possibly a little disgust. It's hard not to be grossed out when you're covered in blood, bone, and brains from a dinosaur and a person you're barely civil with.

"I'm… expendable… you… aren't…" At least if I had to die so early in the adventure, I was doing so saving someone. And probably fixing something I'd screwed up, if Vivi had been the one to maim the dinosaur in the first place. The blackness finally covered my vision completely; there was a final burst of pain before everything disappeared- pain, motion, light, life.