Hello readers! Sorry I have updated in a while. I haven't been writing much during the summer but plan to start doing so more often. Hope you like this one!
Chapter 36
The next few days are lonely. It seems as if everyone has their own life except me, the idle victor waiting for something to happen…anything really. Gale has kept his distance, not visiting once and his absence has taken a toll. I start to question him not being here…or maybe it's more of avoidance. Perhaps he has given up on trying to keep me. This is his way of letting me go. Sadness takes over and I spend most of my days, waiting for him on the couch in the living room, tears filling my eyes but I manage to keep the floodgates closed. I block out everything around me, including the words that Prim gently gives me.
Come late afternoon, the house quiets again. My mother and sister rush to the Seam for yet another emergency, leaving me alone. It isn't but a few minutes later when I hear a knock on the door. I go towards it, welcoming any company after my days of solitude. I'd even take a visit from Haymitch. Whoever it is, they are impatient, proceeding to ring the doorbell a couple of times.
"I'm coming!" I shout at the door. I swing open the door and am shocked to find Gale there, freshly clean, his hair still wet.
"Where the hell have you been?" I ask, my voice shaky. I can feel the floodgates slow start to ascend and my vision blurs.
"I told you I needed some time to think."
"Think about what? What on Earth do you have to think about?" I say, my voice conveying how upset I am.
"Thinking about a way to keep you." he says distraught. "The love of your life came back to town. How the hell do I stand a chance?"
"Love of my life?" I question him. How did he come up with that?
"Katniss we'd both be lying to ourselves if we ignored what you had with him."
"What about what I have with you?" I ask, wrapping my arms around him, hoping to break him from his sadness. His arms embrace me and I rest my head on his chest. "I missed you so much."
"I missed you too."
"Don't give up on me Gale." I tell him. He plants a kiss on my forehead.
"Can you stay for a while?" I ask while looking up at him, hoping his answer is yes.
"I can." he replies.
"We have the whole house to ourselves." I comment. He gets a devilish grin on his face and the sweeps me off the ground. He eagerly carries me upstairs to my room. He sets me on my bed and it isn't long before the clothes start coming off and the fun begins.
We lie tangled in my bedsheets, quietly taking in each other and what we did.
"I'm glad I came over." he says gazing into my eyes.
"Don't think you're off the hook that easily." I comment.
"You know you could have always stopped by." he gently tells me.
"I didn't think about that." I quietly respond.
"Has Merrick been around here?" he asks, out of the blue.
"No. No one has really." I say with a few tears leaving my eyes. "It's been lonely…the last few days."
"How?" he asks with concern.
"It seems like everyone has moved on without me…like no one needs me anymore."
"I need you." he whispers lovingly. "And I won't keep myself away from you for so long."
"Promise?" I ask.
"I promise." he replies. He rolls over and looks at the clock. "I better go. Mom hates it when I'm late for dinner. It's the only time I really get to see them."
"Can I come?" I ask with desperation. I don't want to be left alone in this house.
"Of course you can." he says with a smile. We quickly shower and dress ourselves. He collects his clothes from the floor while I find an outfit hidden in my drawers. We bundle up before going outside in the harsh winter air. We cut through the square, the quickest way to get to the Seam but I stop short when I see Merrick standing about 50 feet in front of us.
"Let's go this way." I say, tugging Gale to the side.
"This way is faster." he says. He gives me a suspicious look and scans the area, knowing something is up. He lets out a sigh and turns toward me. "We can't avoid him forever, you know. It's a small district. It's bound to happen sooner or later. I think it's best if we just got this over with."
"Gale." I huff back.
"I can be cordial, if that's what you're worried about." he says. I guess he's right. We'll be seeing Merrick a lot now and I'm sure avoiding him would only hurt him. Gale takes my hand and we continue, walking up to Merrick, who has been glancing at us every now and then.
"Hello Merrick." Gale says, with confidence…or maybe arrogance. I'm not sure which one yet.
"It's Peacekeeper Thread now." Merrick cuts back.
"I thought that was your father."
"No." Merrick simply says.
"Aren't you going to say hello?" Gale asks, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.
"Hello…Peacekeeper Thread." I mutter. My greeting leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and I can tell Merrick doesn't like me addressing him in this way.
"So this is allowed now?" he asks, noticing Gale lacing his fingers with mine.
"Last time I checked public displays of affection weren't against law…or are you taking that away from us too."
"Last time I checked, she was a mourning widow." Merrick spits back, his brows knitted.
"We both know that's a lie." Gale grumbles back, getting closer to him.
"Well nobody else does. Wouldn't want word getting back to Snow…"
"You wouldn't dare." Gale seethes at him, restraining himself from putting his hands on Merrick.
"Last time I checked I'm not the only one in this square. If words get back to him—"
"He doesn't own her."
"All I'm saying is be careful. We've seen the accidents that happen when Victors get unruly."
By now Gale is seething. Just the mention of the Capitol is enough to get him going. Being reminded of what they could do to us is even more upsetting.
"Come on, Katniss, let's get out of here." he says pulling me along without a goodbye. I briefly look back at Merrick and notice his head hung towards the ground. As soon as we are at the start of the Seam I remove my hand from Gale's and give him a little push to separate us.
"What was that for?" he asks, his brows furrowed.
"You knew exactly what that's for…what you did to him."
"I was being friendly."
"You were being arrogant."
"He needs to know that it's serious between us…that he can't do the things he used to do with you."
"He hasn't tried anything." I inform him.
"Probably just waiting for the right moment."
"He's harmless."
"I'm not so sure of that." he replies. We're both silent and start walking towards his house. We don't speak once during our journey. He reaches for the front doorknob after we ascend the front stairs but I place my hand over his to prevent him from turning it. The anger in his face at the beginning of the walk is replaced with sorrow and fear. I step closer to him until our bodies are touching and place my hands behind his neck.
"I'm not ready for this to be over." he confesses.
"It's not over." I whisper before standing on my toes so my lips can touch mine. I'm met with a kiss filled with more feeling and passion than I have ever felt from him. I can feel his emotions pouring into me as his lips work against mine. We pull away and I think see him wipe a tear away from the corner of his eye.
"Catnip, I'm sorry about before."
"It's ok." I say before he can add any more. I'm still not sure if I fully forgive him for what he did. He went into that conversation intending to hurt Merrick and he succeeded. While I am ok, Merrick is probably still aching from the exchange. I turn the knob put a smile on my face to hide my true feelings. I've done this enough in the past two years that it comes naturally to me now. I'm greeted by Posy's smiling face and her arms wrapped around my hips.
"Home Ma." Gale calls out as he closes the door.
"You're late." his mother says, emerging from the kitchen.
"Had to pick a little something up on my way back." he says, touching the small of my back with his hand. A smile creeps up on her face and Hazelle approaches me.
"Katniss." she says, taking me in her embrace. I hug her back, happy to see the woman that has filled the role of mother for me these past few years.
"Is it ok if I…do you have enough…" I trail off, trying to be polite. By late winter, pickings are slim in Seam households. I don't want to take away from their rations.
"There's always enough for you." she says touching my cheek. She returns to the kitchen and calls the children to the table. She serves each of us using smaller plates to make it look like more than there actually is. It's the same trick my mother employed when times were tight. The sight of it alone is enough to upset me and I quickly excuse myself, walking to the hallway where I'm out of sight. It isn't long before Gale is in front of me wearing a confused expression.
"Why didn't you tell me it was that bad?"
"It's fine."
"No it's not fine, Gale. How do you manage surviving on that after working in the mines all day…and your siblings, they're still growing…should be growing."
"Katniss."
"I should be helping more. I could hunt."
"No…in fact, I don't want you out there. Not with the increase of Peacekeepers."
"Gale—"
"You've seen what they've done to the Hob. Imagine if they caught you out there…they'd make an example of you." I know he's right.
"Ok, no woods." I concede. Besides, I could always use the money I have to buy them food…legally. When we get back to the table, I can see his siblings eyeing my full plate.
"Who wants seconds?" I ask his siblings who all call out "Me! Me!" at the same time. I divide my meal up and scoot it onto each of his 3 siblings plates. Gale looks embarrassed, never wanting pity shown on his family. What else am I supposed to do…eat in front of them? That would be cruel. I can always eat when I get home.
After dinner, Hazelle gets the little ones ready for bed, leaving Gale and I alone in the living room. I sit first and he extends across the couch, resting his head in my lap. He looks up at me as I gently stroke his hair, his eyes slowly becoming small slivers as the minutes pass by.
"You're tired."
"No." he says, fighting to keep his eyes open.
"You are." I playfully add.
"I don't want you do go." he admits.
"I can't stay here all night."
"Why not?"
"Where would I stay?"
"With me." he whispers, his eyes closed again.
"In your room?" I ask incredulously. There is no way, what with him sharing a room with two of his siblings.
"Right here." he says patting the space beside him. "You'd fit nicely."
"I'd fall off by morning."
"I'd keep you close." he says, showing me how he's hold me if I was nestled close to him.
"Maybe some other time." I say in attempts to not hurt his feelings. I manage to scoot out from under him and kneel beside him. "I have to go now."
"I'll walk you home." he says starting to rise. I gently push him back down.
"I don't think you'd last to my house." I say with a small laugh.
"You can't go by yourself."
"I'll be fine." I assure him, kissing his cheek before standing and exiting though the front door. I am relieved when he doesn't follow me. He's too tired to make a roundtrip just to take me home.
As I pass through the square, I see the people in the stalks. They are changing guards and I see Merrick talking to his replacement. I sneak by them, feeling slightly guilty of what occurred here earlier. I want to apologize for Gale's behavior but not in such a public setting. I then hatch a plan to meet him by the wall that encloses the barracks for the young officers. I cut through town down streets and alleys that only a local would know. It isn't long until I'm by the front gate. I find a spot against the wall and can't help but notice other girls waiting here as well. It isn't until the Peacekeepers start trickling back that I realize what they are doing here. It's no secret that girls sell themselves to get by when times are tight. Many of them are dressed up by District 12 standards with their faces painted with make-up. I watch them interact with the young men, giggling and touching them, enticing them to open their wallets for them. It's sickening to watch firsthand but I don't dare get in their way. They'd hate me for driving away business.
I look straight ahead to block it out, waiting for Merrick to show.
"Lovely night, isn't it?" I hear from an unfamiliar voice to my left.
"It's a little cold." I comment with disinterest.
"I could keep you warm." he says, moving his body closer to mine.
"Oh, I'm not here for that." I reply placing my hand on his torso to prevent him from getting any closer.
"I'll give you a fair price." he says, pulling out his wallet.
"I'm sure there are other girls that could use the money."
"But I want you." he says taking my hand and kissing the top of it. I'm not sure what I've gotten myself into or how to get myself out of it. He moves quickly and pins me to the wall and puts his lips on my neck. Panic rushes through me as I try to free myself but he's unrelenting.
"Stop, please!" I whimper but his lips press against mine to drown my cries. I dread what might happen next. He's too strong for me to free myself but that doesn't stop me from trying. I'm saved with I hear a voice boom out of nowhere, telling him to stop. He follows orders, giving me a few feet of space. I look in the direction that the voice came from and see a pair of icy blue eyes staring at us.
"You know the rules." Merrick says to the young man in front of me.
"She was at the wall just like the other ones."
"And it looks like she was putting up quite a fight." he replies.
"Like she couldn't use the money." he huffs. Merrick grabs him by the shirt and brings him right up to my face.
"You think she needs the money." he says with fury. "Take a good look at her." The young man's eyes widen at the realization of who I am.
"I…I'm sorry Miss Everdeen." he apologizes.
"You so much as look at her the wrong way and I promise, I'll alert the Capitol myself."
"It won't happen again." he says. Merrick pushes him towards the front gate, and approaches me and his eyes soften.
"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked, his voice rich with emotion.
"I came to apologize…for what happened earlier." I say, still a little shaky. He takes my hand and leads me away from the few individuals left at the wall. Once we are out of sight, he throws down his bag, wraps his arms around me, and pulls me close to him.
"Don't you ever do that again." he says between breaths.
"I didn't know."
"Well, now you know what happens there." he says releasing himself from me.
"And they allow it?"
"They've always allowed it Katniss."
"Merrick you've never…"
"No, never." he says with hurt eyes. I think back to when we were younger, that day I found him by our tree, angered about this very topic. I should have known he'd never end up like the men he talked about.
"I just had to make sure."
"I've already told you, I'm not one of them."
"You said there were rules…what rules?" I ask.
"The girl needs to consent."
"But I didn't—" I start.
"Not everyone plays by the rules. They think they're entitled to whatever they want. Come on, I'll walk you home." he says, hoisting his large bag on his shoulders. We start towards my house in silence, neither of us sure what to say to each other. I hate our new relationship. This isn't like us. We've always gotten along with such great ease. Now I'm struggling to find something to say.
"You're not in your uniform." I say, using a small observation to clear the strained silence.
"I don't like to be in it any longer than I have to." he responds, looking forward with his brow furrowed.
"Where do you—"
"Justice Building." he says, cutting me off before I can finish. I can tell he is annoyed so I play it safe.
"It's been a cold winter…one of the coldest in years." I say. He lets out a chuckle but not his usual filled with joy or amusement. This one is dry and sardonic.
"This is pathetic. Did you ever think we'd have to resort to small talk?"
My cheeks flush with embarrassment. Of all the possible things we have to talk about I mention the weather. I don't say anything more. Tears try to escape but the cold freezes them in them in the corners of my eyes. Merrick quickens his pace and I can't help to think of this as some sort of chore for him. I want to tell him that I can take it from here but I know he'd never allow it. He walks me towards the back entrance of my house, through the back gate to the porch that overlooks the backyard.
"Thank you." I mutter reaching for the doorknob, my eyes avoiding his.
"Katniss, wait." he says, stopping me. I look up to him, his face softer than before. "Can I come in? Just to warm up?" he asks.
At this point, I'm not sure if he's really cold or if he isn't ready to leave me yet. I nod, turn the knob, and open the door, entering before him. He follows and closes the door behind him, turning the lock. Most of the house is dark, save for a light in the living room and kitchen, indicating my mother and sister are asleep. I start to remove my outer layers, hanging them up on the hooks by the door. I look over at him and notice he hasn't moved. Maybe he was intending just to warm up.
"Would you like some coffee or hot tea?" I ask.
"Hot tea…please." he adds.
"You can hang up your things if you want to. I'll meet you in the living room." He nods and sets down his bag. I exit the hall to the kitchen where I put on a pot of water. I stare down at the water and I start to reconsider letting Merrick come in. After the mood of our conversation on the way home, I'm not sure what we'll talk about as we sip our tea. My fingers nervously drum on the edge of the stove as I look at the water, as if that could make it work faster.
"Come on." I whisper into the silence.
"You know a watched pot never boils." I hear him murmur in my ear as his fingertips graze my sides. My body jolts upwards as his touch sends a spark coursing within me. "I think you taught me that." he adds. He moves beside me to gauge my reaction. To be honest, I didn't even hear him enter the room. I back up and lean against the island behind me for support.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spook you." he says as he get out two teacups from the cupboard. He has a small grin on his face as he moves about the kitchen, getting the necessary supplies, knowing exactly where to find each of them. It makes me remember how much a part of my life he was. When he is finished, he approaches me. My eyes remained fixed on the Capitol logo on his shirt located right over his heart.
"What?" he softly asks. I lift my arm and run my fingers over the symbol.
"They're on all of our shirts…in case we forget whom we belong to." he dryly tells me.
"I thought you weren't one of them."
"Doesn't change the fact that I've signed my life over to them. The water!" he says, slipping past me, closer to the stove. He removes the boiling water and fills each of our cups. He carries them over to the small table in the breakfast nook and I follow him. I sit in a chair next to him and ignore him, focusing on bobbing my teabag by its string.
"Is this how it's going to be with us from now on?" he murmurs.
"How?" I ask, feigning aloofness.
"I never see you smile anymore." he says.
"There isn't too much to smile about." I note. He reaches over and intertwines his hand with mine.
"Was it wrong for me to come back?" he questions.
"No, you couldn't have known…"
"He treats you well…doesn't he?"
"Yes."
"I wish I could be happy for you, Katniss, I do—" he is cut off from finishing when the lights turn on. We both look towards the entrance and are surprised to see Prim standing there.
"I heard noises." she says apologetically. Her meek expression is replaced with excitement when she realizes who else is in the room.
"Merrick!" she says running to him. He lets go of my hand to give her a hug. "How did you get back?"
"He's a Peacekeeper." I blurt out but for some reason, she could care less.
"I knew you would come back. I told my sister but she just wouldn't listen." she says sitting on Merrick's lap. I'm shocked when she does so…jealous even.
"She couldn't have known. I didn't even think I'd be back before my plan."
"Prim it's a school night." I say.
"Katniss!" she huffs.
"She's right, Prim." Merrick agrees with me, scooting her off of him. She gives a pouty face. "I'll be back…don't worry." he assures her. A smile lights her face and she gives him a peck on the cheek before running to her room. We are alone again.
"She's grown up." he comments.
"Yeah." I reply.
"I really should be getting back." he says standing. He probably feels that he's worn out his welcome, thanks to my frigidness. I don't want to be this way but I feel like I can't be the way I was before with him. That would only lead to trouble. I follow him back to the dark hallway but he doesn't reach for his belongings. His gaze is fixed on me. My eyes connect with his and I feel like we're right back where we were a year ago. His eyes deflect from mine and he starts dressing himself.
"Don't go yet." I beg.
"Why should I stay?" he asks quizzically as he quickly bundles up.
"We didn't get a chance to talk."
"We'll have other chances to talk." he says with a chuckle. He face becomes serious again. "There is one thing I do need to tell you before I go. Something I realized today." He inches closer to me, as I nervously back up until I'm against the wall. His face is close to mine, as if he wants to tell me some sort of secret.
"W-what is it?" I ask, taking deep breaths.
"I'm not letting you go without a fight." he whispers before kissing my lips. My lips purse against his but he ends it before anything else can happen. "Goodnight Katniss."
He picks up his bag and exits, leaving me dumbfounded. I slink down to the floor and press my fingertips to my lips, which are still abuzz from his kiss. His last words echo through my head and I've never been more unsure of where we'll go from here.
Please, please, please review! I'd love to know your thoughts about what I've written and where this is headed! 3