Chapter 6

We go home and I go to the bathroom to shower and Sebastian can't even look at me anymore. He sits on the couch as I go to the bathroom. I feel dirty and they said I can shower since they did a rape kit on me. My stomach twist into knots when it hits me that I was raped.

I turn the water on as hot as can be and go to the sink and stare at my face. There is a bruise on my cheek from where he hit me and bruises on each side of my mouth where he pinched my mouth open. I gag a bit and rush to the toilet and puke everything up in my stomach. I felt so disgusted that he was inside my mouth it made me sick. The only man who is allowed to touch me and do those things was sitting in the living room.

I finish up and sit on the floor. I take in a few breaths to calm myself down. I stand and undress and step into the hot shower. I grab the loofa and soap and lather it up. I scrub my skin until its raw and red. I feel so dirty. I hate this. It's worse because Sebastian can't even look at me anymore. He thinks I'm disgusting. He hates me now. He'll never love me after this. I start to sob as I scrub my skin raw. Especially my backside where he did the most damage. It hurts as I scrub and blood starts to trickle down my legs. I jump when I hear a knock on the bathroom door.

"Ciel are you alright?" Sebastian asks but I don't answer. I have to keep scrubbing to get the touch off me. He made me dirty. I am a whore and a slut. No one will ever love me.

"I'm coming in." He says and I forgot to lock the door. I soon feel strong hands stopping my actions and the water shuts off. I didn't realize it got cold. He wraps a towel around me and picks me up to carry me to the bedroom. I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face under his chin.

"It's okay. I'm here now. I will never let it happen again. I'm so sorry he did this to you." He says to sooth me as we sit on the bed with me in his lap as I cry and sob. I'm trembling badly as he holds me gently in his arms.

After what felt like forever I pull from him and look in his eyes and he leans to kiss my forehead. "I love you and I'm sorry he did this to you. It's my fault this happened to you. He was trying to hurt me by hurting you. He thought if he did this then I'd leave you. But I can't do that to you. I don't have the will power to ever leave you. It would end me if I ever left you or if you left me. I love you and you did nothing wrong to deserve this." He says as he looks me in the eye. I nod and hold him tighter to me.

"I thought you be mad at me and think it was my fault and that I cheated on you. I would never hurt you like that. I never wanted it. I begged him to stop but he kept going." I say with a sob.

"I know love. I'm sorry he did this. He won't get away with it." He says as he grips me tighter. After a while I start to feel tired and sleepy and fall asleep in his arms.

I wake the next morning and just stare at the wall. Sebastian walks in and sits next to me. "I called the school and told them you won't be going for a while and that you are sick. They don't need to know what happen." He says as he strokes my hair lightly off my forehead. "Just rest and I'll bring you something to eat. I love you Ciel and I'm so sorry." He says as he gets up and leaves the room.

He checks on me throughout the day and forces me to eat and drink. He guilts me into it and won't leave until I do.

I'm slowly unraveling and falling apart. I feel numb at some parts of the day then the agony of what happened to me sets in and I start to cry. Sebastian never leaves my side for two days and he eventually had to go back to school and work.

"Ill be back at my usual time. If you need me just call me and I'll come back home." He says as he sits next to me on the bed and get's ready for work. He get's up and leans to kiss my forehead and leaves me.

I fall asleep and dream about his hands on me. Him pounding into me as I sobbed and cried for him to stop. I gasp awake and curl into myself and cry as I fight the memories.

I hear my phone go off and I ignore it. It goes off again and I grab it and it's a missed call from Sebastian. He even texts me to ask if I am okay. I ignore it and get up. I go to the bathroom and stare at the mirror. The bruises were fading away and I looked like myself again but still something was off. I wasn't myself anymore. He took that from me. I'm just a faggot whore.

I smash my fist in the mirror and breaking it and slicing my hand up as well. I grab my hand and fall to the floor sobbing. I can't take it anymore. I grab a shard of mirror and slice my wrist and my hand trembles as I do, then I slice my other wrist and sob as the blood rushes out of the gapping wounds I inflicted. I lean against the wall and start to get dizzy from the blood loss and my vision turns black.