Twelve Red Lines

by Vikingr

I expected to die when I went into the water. Instead, I was rescued by a crew of people who I knew only as characters in a story. But what does it take to become worthy of being a Straw Hat? And why are so many little details not matching up to what I know?

20. Apology

Apology

gamelover41592: Yeah, sorry about that. It occurred to me long after writing that earlier chapter you mentioned that there was no way for Sabo to have gotten there so quickly, so... the Revolutionaries were contacting the Whitebeards about something else. What? Not saying yet. And yes, Jones is a total Ace fangirl, always has been. He's my favourite character.

Dragondancer81: ^_^ Thank you very much! As for why... Mostly, I'm trying to see how many of Luffy's family members I can tick off and thoroughly confuse over the course of this story. It's surprisingly fun.

GreenDrkness: He's mine too. And yes, he will eventually get scolded for that. Not a huge Warriors fan, but I've read the first two series and they were pretty good. And Jack and Mairead were always planned to stay behind; I could've made them fit in if I wanted to, I think, but I didn't feel like it. I have far more interesting characters to have join instead.

MayaHikari: Yeah, I will admit that double standard can be annoying. Personally, spending time in the dojo, everyone hits everyone, but when someone does something dumb, and even as a sign of affection. So I won't be getting rid of the plethora of dope slaps any time soon, but I might make the guys fight back a little more.

The Utterly Fabulous Z: Heheheh... Sorry?

Bombadilo Baby: Thank you. And of course Sabo's sticking around for this arc; I wouldn't have brought him in if he wasn't.

Gerbilfriend: Thanks. And I want to pet the kitty too... *grabs grandmother's cat for cuddles*

Draco Oblivion: Not weird; I think they'd look awesome as well. As for whether it's sadistic or masochistic... Yes.

bookloverinfinity: The answer to your first question will be found in this chapter. The answer to your second is... Because as a writer, I find it amusing.

The Keeper of Worlds: Thank you very much!

Azurai Wolf: Oh, don't worry, they will.

Kakusei: *bows* Thank you. That's what I've been going for. *grins* And I love how somehow it was thinking outside the box that got me to the sea cat solution... I'm sorry. That was a horrible joke. I'll stop now.

Rebel-Keiki: Thank you. You need wait no longer.

Xipholynx: Oh, Jones has plenty of luck. It's just not all good.

NightFlowerLuv: Heh, thank you. And yeah, they do. Probably because they're trying to avoid subjecting someone who's become their friend to a potentially deadly disease while still getting the next friend on the list. Hmm... Zoro fighting from dragon-back might actually be a bad idea, tactically. It's not like a horse; he wouldn't necessarily be able to get at any opponents who weren't also riding giant flying creatures. But I agree that the idea of Usopp sniping from dragon-back is awesome. And no, neither I nor Jones have ever seen Inside Out, but I've wanted to for a while. Thank you very much!

starelight: ...Congratulations, you predicted a large chunk of this chapter. But at the same time, I'm not sure it'll go how you expected.

Keiolsha: Well... See below for details.

Ultimate Student: Maybe... Afraid giving a definite answer would be spoilers.

Thoughts: Thank you very much.

DemonCatLady: Yeah, I know burns aren't fun; I've had my fair share, though nothing near as bad as I wrote. And *glances at chapter title* Ace will definitely be apologizing, don't worry.

Lightsbane1905: Heh, cats are awesome. And yes, fear the Fist of Love.

TTrunks: XD

rosewillow narusasufangirl: ^_^ Thank you. And yes indeed, they're absolutely adorable.

Antiguo: *sighs* I'm sorry. I am. You're not the only one to comment on how uncomfortable that was, and yes, looking back on it, I forced the plot along when I should've spent more time thinking about the crew's reactions to Jones being injured so badly again. The thing is... I'm writing what I know. And I know this is likely to make people even more uncomfortable, me saying this, but... people showing concern for me is something I don't know. Injuries are something I do. So, unfortunately, I'm much better at writing the latter than the former; that other characters should be concerned for my SI barely registers for me. Which is also why Jones is barely angry about things— yes, she almost got fried by her favourite character, but between her past experiences on Earth and the things that have been happening to her since coming to One Piece, to her it's not much worse than anything else. Although it's also possible she might be in a little bit of shock. *bows deeply* But yes, I'm very sorry. The title of this chapter is as much directed at readers as it is a reference to this chapters events. Next time, I'll try asking some friends what they think an appropriate reaction would be; maybe that will help.

Kikidevil70: Eh... Yes and no. They needed a moment (by which I mean a fair bit of constructive criticism from some friends on Spacebattles) for things to sink in. I know it won't entirely make up for how I did the last chapter, but I tried.

EnixFairy: Thank you very much! And while it's probably not what you're thinking, I do have some fun Luffy-Jones teamwork maneuvers planned for the future. Their fruits actually work pretty well together.

Insanity Lord: Yes. Yes he did. But for now, he can only use it when people he loves do something stupid that he thinks they need to be punished for.

AnerianJomes: Thank you very much— on both accounts.

havarti2: Well, people have been guessing in the comments already, but I'll only possibly give a straight answer in a PM. So wherever you want to ask is up to you.

Roma: Yeah... Sorry about that. I'm not very good at writing emotional reactions. Working on it though. Don't worry, I'll give Jones a break from being my literary punching bag for a while. Time for someone else to take a turn. And don't worry, Ace and Jones will be working things out— or at least, that's what I tried to write.

LegionnaireBlaze: Sesehihihihihi! Oh, that idea is hilarious.

hcharper131: Yeah, that's what most people said.

tylermech66: Okay, noted. Thanks.

FairyGirl960: Wait no longer.

WaterStar45: Yeah, Jones has her fair share of pretty bad luck, and Ace does jump the gun a lot (before lighting the gun on fire!). Hopefully they can both learn from this, but... Eh, we'll see.

Dazac: I was hoping some people would. ^_^

I can't say we made very good time away from Nanohana at first, what with only using one sail. And not everyone stayed in position for sailing at first either. As soon as we were out of sight of the town, the crew abandoned their posts to make a circle around Ace. I watched in confusion. My crew mates were not happy. Ghin was in the lead, brows furrowed, arms folded as he glared at Luffy's older brother; many of the others were in similar states. Zoro was tying his bandanna around his head for some reason. Even Sabo and Luffy looked unhappy with Ace.

"Fire powers," Ghin growled. "I may not be the best reader, but I ain't dumb. You're the one who branded Jones, aren't you?"

"Yes." Grey eyes met dark amber. Ace looked somewhat remorseful, at least. "I thought she was working with a man I'm hunting, and that she'd kidnapped Luffy. I- I'm sorry."

"You're sorry," Ghin said flatly. It didn't sound like a question, but at the same time, I wasn't sure what it was. "You're sorry. No, I don't think you are, not really. Not yet. But you will be. That's one of my little sisters you flash-fried, you fucking pyro."

Ace clenched his jaw and held his gaze steady. "And I thought your little sister was doing things to my little brother. You would've done the same in my situation."

Ghin unfolded his arms, his hands edging around towards the base of his spine. Uh-oh. "I wouldn't have burned my hands into her back without giving her a chance to fucking explain!" My honorary big brother pulled out his tonfa and started spinning them. On either side of him, Johnny and Yosaku flinched.

"Uh, Big Bro, should you really be going after one of the Whitebeards? They're the strongest crew on the seas- and they never let someone who hurts their family go."

"Neither do I." Ghin spun one of his tonfa into Ace's chest; it struck harmlessly, the heavy weapon surrounded by a ring of fire as Ace's insubstantial body let the attack pass through. The freckled pirate drew back his fist to clock the rigger- only to freeze in place, eyes going wide with realization as he glanced from me to Luffy. That distraction allowed Ghin to hit him- apparently, whatever Ace realized took up so much of his attention that he wasn't able to go intangible as a tonfa crashed into his stomach.

"Stop that," Luffy's eldest brother wheezed. Ghin ignored him, lashing out again; this strike passed through flames as Ace regained his senses. When Ghin attacked a fourth time, Ace caught his tonfa by the weighted end, stopping it dead. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? Now you're just acting the way I was!"

"No, there's a difference." Ghin pulled back, then snuck a lightning-fast strike in from his other hand. For a second time, he managed to connect with actual flesh instead of flames. "You only thought Jones hurt your brother, where I know you hurt my sister."

"He's got a point there," Sabo observed. When Ace turned and opened his mouth to defend himself to his brother, a Haki-coated pipe smacked into his head, driving the freckled pirate's face into the deck. Sabo smiled, his scars twisting it into something slightly sinister. "Don't get me wrong, Ace- you're my brother, and I love you. But what you did to Jones was wrong, and you need to learn your lesson."

The blond didn't continue with the beating though, leaving that to my crew mates. Ghin managed to get another solid hit against Ace's back before the freckled pirate took off, escaping while my honorary brother tried to pin him to the deck. Holding his hat on with one hand as he scampered across the Going Merry, Ace actually looked concerned for his own wellbeing, despite being a New World logia amongst a crew of rookies who'd barely started their journey through Paradise. Although I couldn't say I blamed him. If Ghin had been glaring at me that way- eyes glowing bright red, teeth bared like a snarling wolf- I would've been concerned for my wellbeing too.

"I promise I won't do it again!" Ace leapt to put the mast between himself and Ghin, just as the rigger tried to smash both tonfa into him at once. The resultant blow shook the Merry so much I thought I was going to be sick- although no one else seemed to notice, so focused were they on the action taking place in front of them.

"You bet your bloody arse you won't!" Several more of Ghin's strikes missed in quick succession as Ace dodged out of the way. I winced at the damage they were doing to the Merry. Although they didn't look as bad as they sounded; she was barely splintering, and nothing had outright broken at all. Maybe I was imagining things? It was possible. Between all the shaking and the pain from my own injuries, I felt like I was going to vomit. Whatever adrenaline had kept me alert and coherent this long was starting to wear off.

Ace tried to escape by dodging between Johnny and Yosaku. The hunters each stuck out a foot as he went passed, tripping the freckled pirate and sending him skidding across the deck. He stopped at Lisa's feet. Frowning, the little painter pulled out her brush and swiftly stirred something up on her palette. "Sadness Blue Bindrune: Hraethigaldur!"

Lisa drew one of the symbols I'd shown her on Ace's face in rich blue. Hraethigaldur- a bindrune to put fear into one's enemies. Beneath the paint, freckled skin went pale. Ace's eyes were blown wide, pupils narrowed to pinpricks; he curled up into a ball, shaking. Muscles clenched in his jaw, the freckled pirate forcing himself not to make a sound. My mouth fell open with a stunned hiss. Lisa! How could she do that to Ace? With his background- but she didn't know his story, did she?

I tried to move in, to help Ace, to tell everyone that was enough. I couldn't watch this anymore. But I also couldn't get really move from where I was leaning on the rails. I frowned in confusion. Why were my crew mates acting like this? What had made them so angry?

"Here." At least Usopp had seen how badly the paint was affecting Ace. The gunner offered the freckled pirate a rag with which to wipe his face; accepting with unfocused eyes, Ace rubbed mechanically at the paint. Until…

"Yow! That burns!" Ace dropped the rag in shock as he jumped back.

Usopp smirked, an expression I'd never dreamed I'd see on his face. "Well of course it does. It's turpentine; what else would you wash oil paints off with? You weren't supposed to get any in your eyes." Why did I feel like that's exactly what Usopp wanted Ace to do?

"Okay, okay, enough! I get it! How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?" Ace rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to clear them out.

His answer was a pair of deep brown, watery, guilt-inducing eyes. Chopper's ears drooped down on either side of his head, the doctor in his full reindeer form. One hoof pawed delicately at the deck. Gods above and below, just looking at Chopper's reproachful gaze was enough to make someone fall down and beg for forgiveness- and I wasn't even the one it was directed at. Then, without a word, the little doctor headbutted Ace in the stomach. The blow sent the freckled pirate careening into a scowling Zoro.

"Oi Chopper, what'd you want me to do with this?" Ace may have been taller than Zoro, but he somehow looked very small when the bosun grabbed him by the back of his shorts.

"He's currently undergoing an anal craniectomy, and could use some percussive maintenance to make sure everything stays where it's supposed to."

Zoro's scowl deepened, the expression laced with confusion. "I'm not sure what that means, so I'm just gonna hit him over the head for what he did to Jones. That sound good?"

Chopper popped into Brain Point to better facepalm. "That's exactly what I meant…"

"Oh. Okay then. Good." Rather than hitting Ace with his fists, Zoro drew Wado Ichimonji and slammed the butt of the sword into Ace's head. This sent the freckled pirate staggering, dazed. His shorts caught on the hilt of Sandai Kitetsu, pulling the cursed katana out of its sheath just enough to nick his leg.

"Ouch!" Jumping away, Ace just so happened to meet Sanji's foot in midair. The cook snapped out a round kick that sent the freckled pirate flying before leaning back on a wall and smoking his cigarette. A gust of wind pushed his bangs aside for an instant, allowing Sanji to fix Ace with a deadly Germa 66 stare. Although I doubt he'd appreciate the comparison to his birth family, however accurate.

"Be grateful I didn't aim lower, Shitty Fireball." The cook blew a smoke ring in the freckled pirate's face, setting Luffy's brother coughing.

Ace finally came to rest against a rail, dazed and battered. Which… He didn't have to be, did he? He was letting my crew mates use him as a punching bag. Why though? Did he feel that bad about having hurt me? That wasn't…

"Is it over?" Ace's slightly loopy voice interrupted my thoughts. No one said anything or made any move to approach him. Straightening, the freckled pirate had just opened his mouth to say something when a loud snap and hiss cut through the air. One of the lines had come undone. Just great. Ace stood frozen as the unravelling line whipped through the air, smacking into his chest with the force of a kicking bull and launching him over the side.

For a moment, no one moved. Then Sabo removed his hat, handing it to Luffy with a shake of his head. "One moment. I'll go get him." The Revolutionary disappeared into the water with a loud splash.

I stared at everyone, confused. My back was starting to ache more, to sting and burn, but I ignored it. "What was that?" I asked, unable to believe what I'd just seen. "Why're you all so angry?"

"He burned you, branded you," Ghin growled, "When you just got a clean bill of health. Why aren't you angry?"

"Why aren't you unconscious?" Chopper added. The little doctor flushed and clapped his hooves over his muzzle. "Not that I'm not happy you're awake- it's easier to treat you when you're like this, and I like it when you're awake! But really, that much pain… And you can barely move again…" Chopper whined worriedly, unable to put all his thoughts into words.

All eyes were on me as I blinked slowly, unable to comprehend what was going on. Alternating pulses of hot and cold slowly rose up the sides of my neck, spreading across my head; my vision developed a halo of white. I clutched at the sides of my head to anchor myself in reality. My thoughts were racing, but I didn't know how to get them out, how to say them. Why? Why was this happening? Why was everyone acting like this? This never happened; no one had ever acted like this when I got hurt before, not for as long as I could remember. Although admittedly, I'd never been hurt quite as badly before coming to this world as I had in the last few weeks. A fresh burst of pain shot through my back, which didn't make thinking things through any easier. I squashed it angrily.

"No, no, can't show, can't faint. Doesn't hurt, doesn't hurt, DOESN'T HURT!" Everyone stared at me, not knowing what to make of my outburst. That's okay, I didn't either. I ignored them, trying to get things back under control. Ow… Why did other me keep writing things like this? Did she enjoy seeing me hurt? Being hurt, since she probably imagined the wounds on herself? A wash of endorphins raced through my bloodstream, doing little to block out the fresh pain. "I'm fine, fine, fine, fine… I think I'm gonna be sick…"

Turning, I leaned over the rail just in time to hurl what little I'd eaten that day into the sea. Or rather… Into Ace's face as Sabo pulled him up the side of the ship. Somehow managed to miss the Revolutionary himself though. Phantom arms wrapped around me from behind, holding me, soothing me as I wretched. But when I glanced out of the corners of my eyes, no one was there. Ruatha chirped gleefully and jumped up beside me, adding his own offering to the mess.

"Fus! Roh! Dah!"

Everyone stayed well away from Ace once he was back aboard, smelling as he now did of dragon saliva and half-digested hardtack. The freckled pirate looked like he could barely hold onto his own lunch. Then Nami approached him, one hand over her nose and a neutral expression on her face. "I hope this works… Rain Tempo!"

A small cloud formed over Ace's head and poured icy water over him. The freckled pirate shivered as the water washed him clean, rinsing the mess over the side. Only, it didn't stop once Ace had been washed off. He glanced up at Nami through sopping bangs, disbelief written all over his face. The sailing master shrugged.

"What? I'm not happy with you either, and I didn't get a hit in yet. This way, I kill two birds with one stone."

Ace drooped, defeated. The raincloud followed him as he slunk across the ship, back to Luffy's side. He looked like he just wanted to hide away somewhere… But Luffy wouldn't let him. Frowning, my captain grabbed his brother's arm with one hand. His other arm drew back and- "Fist of Love!"

"Ow!" Ace rubbed the spot where rubber struck flesh. His voice was very small… I don't think I'd ever heard him sound that way in the anime. "Okay… I get it. I was an asshole… Sorry…"

"Shishishishi! Good; Ace gets it." Luffy's grin made a brief reappearance from wherever it had been hiding as he gave his brother a quick, bone-cracking hug. "So that's enough now; beating up Ace anymore won't help. Ghin can go fight sea kings or something if he's still mad."

Then Luffy's face morphed back into a frown as he considered me, hunched over on the rail. The captain turned to Chopper. "How long til Jones is healthy enough for a Fist of Love?"

"WHAT?!" the little doctor squawked. His hooves flailed as he leapt between me and the captain. "You can't do that! Hitting Jones right now is a very bad idea! In fact, I should probably sedate her so I can see about removing that glass from her legs. Yes! I'll go do that right now." Popping into Heavy Point, Chopper strode swiftly over and picked me up, heading for the galley.

Luffy frowned at the doctor's retreating back. "I didn't say I was gonna do it right now," he pouted. "But Jones was playing like it didn't matter she was hurt again. She hasn't figured out that we care about her yet. So I gotta hit her until she does."

"That's not how that works!" Sanji yelled, kicking the captain in the head. And really, that didn't help disprove Luffy's point. At all.

"I think," Sabo offered, shooting a significant look at his brothers, "The problem is that Jones isn't used to people caring for her at all, whether due to her upbringing or some tendencies of her own. And, well, maybe… It's possible we- both us we and your crew- aren't always the best at showing we care either."

"Ooooh…" Luffy nodded and rubbed his chin, letting out a long noise of understanding. Followed immediately by, "I don't get it."

X

A small ship rocked gently on the waves, hidden in a bay between two red-gold cliffs. The ram figurehead smiled in the late afternoon sun, wind whistling cheerfully through her lines. All sails were furled; the anchor was dropped. No one could've seen the ship from outside the bay. Overall, it was a quiet, peaceful scene. Until a bolt of lightning flashed inside the galley, causing a quarrelling chef and swordsman to leap apart in surprise, hair smoking.

"Pipe down!" Nami roared. All sound in the room died off- except for the quiet crunching of Luffy and Chopper chewing on some sort of candy Sanji had picked up while he was out grocery shopping. Even the colourful fish painted on the walls seemed to swim more quietly. Everyone sat down around the table, looking contrite. Well, except Zoro. He scowled at the sailing master. She ignored him. "Alright, Vivi, you're the one who wants to split up; care to explain why, for those who weren't here, or who're a little slow."

Nami gestured at Ace, Sabo, and Luffy. The princess nodded and leaned forward, spreading a map of Alabasta out on the galley table. "We need to stop the rebellion," Vivi began. There was no trace of the usual brattiness now; this was the princess' secret agent side, the part of her that had, as a young girl, infiltrated Baroque Works to try and figure out what was happening to her country. "Now, Jones says that the rebels are in Katorea, so that's where I want to go. I'm friends with the leader of the rebels; he'll listen to me. The problem is that she also says there's something important to be done in Yuba and Rain Dinners- which are halfway across the country. Both paths are dangerous. Jones says Baroque Works has infiltrated the rebels, which puts Kohza and the others in danger; but going to Rain Dinners would be walking into a trap- it's Crocodile's casino on the Sandora River."

Nodding, Nami tapped her Clima-Tact on the table. "So, that's the situation. Luffy, you're the captain. Thoughts?"

The rubber boy swallowed his candy. "I wanna kick Crocodile's ass," he said bluntly. Ace and Sabo smiled and shook their heads. Nami sighed.

"Okay, noted. But we need a more detailed plan than that. Jones?" Nami turned to me. Lisa looked confused.

"Um… Is Jones really qualified to plan things? She and Luffy were out for less than an hour, and she came back looking like she slept on a barbeque." The little painter pouted cutely, glancing up at me.

I grinned at Lisa and poked her in the forehead. "You have an excellent point," I told her. "Unfortunately, it also happens to be invalid. I may be one hundred and three percent off my rocker…"

"And high as a kite on pain medication," Chopper added, grumbling. I ignored him; the holographic unicorn flickering in and out of sight at the corner of my eye said he was just jealous.

"But I'm still the one who knows most about what's coming."

"And isn't that a scary thought…" Jack grumbled. A scowl from me and a raised eyebrow from Ghin made him retract that statement with a squeak.

"Anywho…" I flipped open my Swiss Army Knife and used the blade to dig sand from under my fingernails. "If we're gonna split in two, we need to consider party balance. Rain Dinners is a trap-and-combat quest; Katorea would probably be roleplay heavy, talking Kohza down and finding assassins. That means we need rogues in both places, but other than that… I'd send the druid, the samurai, and most of the monks into the desert, while the illusionist, the fighter, and the ranger escort the princess and company on their diplomatic mission."

Zoro stared at me, eyes spinning, then reached up to rub his temples. "Jones… You're doing that thing where you say words, but they don't mean what they should."

Oh. Oops. "Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Nami, Chopper, and I should head to Yuba and Rain Dinners. Johnny, Yosaku, Lisa, Ghin, and Usopp should take Vivi, Jack, and Mairead to Katorea to talk to Kohza." I tapped the towns on the map as I spoke.

Sabo nodded at my assessment. "That seems like a sound plan. What about Ace and I though?"

"Eh?" I blinked up at the Revolutionary. He fixed me with a benign smile.

"Well, I'm on leave for as long as Luffy's on this island, and I doubt Ace is going anywhere until you tell him everything you know about that Blackbeard fellow." Here Sabo paused and glanced at his brother. Ace nodded sharply; Sabo continued. "We'd like to help, if Luffy will allow us- or at least, I would. This sort of operation is my specialty."

"We're sticking together, of course!" Luffy informed his brother before I could think of what to do. Rubber arms wrapped around Ace and Sabo, pulling them in close. While the blond Revolutionary accepted the affection, the freckled pirate struggled to pull away.

"Lu, let go!" Ace squirmed- kicking the table as he tried to escape. Luffy just squeezed tighter, giggling, until his brother gave up with a sigh, going limp.

Clearing her throat to get everyone's attention, Vivi traced the coast of Alabasta on the map. "There's an easy route from this bay to Katorea, so those of us headed that way can leave this evening. The Yuba team should take the ship around to the other side of the Sandora River and anchor in this delta." The princess tapped the paper. "If you travel along the trade route through Erumalu, you should be able to reach Yuba in two, maybe three days, and Rain Dinners the day after that."

Nami nodded. I could see her memorizing the route. Beside her, Usopp sighed. "Why can't we have Vivi make plans all the time?" the gunner wondered. "It's so much nicer than when Luffy runs off yelling like a madman, or Jones crashes through the forest with an out-of-control dinosaur."

"Oi! That one was Sanji's!" I scowled at Usopp; he stuck his tongue out at me. Vivi flushed at the gunner's praise.

"And technically, it would make more sense to send Sabo with the diplomatic team," I pointed out. Ace glared at me on that suggestion, wrapping his arms around his brothers despite protesting Luffy's affection mere moments before.

"No way!"

The sound of Nami tapping her Clima-Tact on the floor interrupted me before I could retaliate. "Let them stick together Jones. I'm sure it'll be fine." The sailing master looked around the room. "Alright. So, Team Mushroom is heading out to talk to the rebels at Katorea, and Team Turtle is going to Yuba and Rain Dinners to… do whatever it is Jones thinks is so important to do there. Does anyone have any questions?"

Those were some arbitrary team names. I snickered, unable to tell why I found Nami's designation of the divisions so amusing. Ruatha chirped and tried to climb on my shoulders; I held him off with a hand on his muzzle. Uh-uh, no way, not right now. Claws in my skin when I barely had any skin wasn't a good idea. My dragonet whined and crawled under the table to sulk.

Beside me, Chopper raised a hoof. "I have a question. Why does Jones keep a barrel of dried apple seeds in the hold?"

"Classified~" I said in a raspy sing-song. Nami rolled her eyes.

"Let me rephrase that- does anyone have any questions related to the mission at hand?" When no one raised their hands, Nami smiled. "Good! So, everyone who's going to Katorea, go get everything you need. If you leave in the next half hour, you should have a good while still to walk before it gets too dark."

Johnny looked at Yosaku as the hunters got to their feet. "Think they're ready for testing Bro?"

"Not really- I still think yours is gonna jam, with how much smaller you tried to make the pumps." The green hunter shrugged. "But we'll need to try 'em out sooner or later, so we may as well." The pair raced off to the bilge before the rest of their team was even fully out of their seats.

I stood when Lisa did. That was one thing I was feeling guilty about- she was my responsibility; I should've kept her with me. But her hypnotism and former position as a high-ranking agent in Baroque Works would make her more useful rooting infiltrators out of the rebellion, while my story knowledge could prove vital along the canon route. Especially without Vivi there to warn people about the dangers of the desert at the last minute. I poked the little girl in the forehead. "Make sure you listen to Ghin while I'm gone. Stay close to him; he'll keep you safe."

Lisa pouted at me. "I was an officer agent of Baroque Works. I can look after myself," she pointed out.

"But you're only twelve, so you shouldn't have to." I shook my head. "Enjoy being a kid while you can; it'll pass soon enough."

"That's almost exactly the same as what Nami and Vivi said…" She wasn't protesting though. The little painter pulled a small survival backpack- prepared while we were sailing earlier- from under the table and shouldered it with a small smile.

Ghin marched over and laid a hand on Lisa's shoulder. "Don't worry about her, Jones, I've got her. You, on the other hand… Try to be careful out in the desert."

"I make no promises." For the first time I could remember, I looked up to properly meet Ghin's eyes. Dark amber stared down at me as my honorary big brother snorted. I wasn't teasing him, though. I didn't intend to go looking for trouble, but I couldn't always avoid it either. Ghin sighed and adjusted my new headscarf so it better protected the back of my neck. Everyone currently on the Going Merry had new, practical desert clothing- with Ghin and Lisa doing the shopping, there were no dancing girl costumes. Although that was probably more Ghin than Lisa.

"Yeah, yeah… Look, I'm still not happy about what Ace did to you. If you manage to get yourself hurt again when I'm not with you, I'm not sure what I'll do. Probably take it out on the idiot pyro." Ghin continued fiddling with my clothes, even though Vivi had declared them perfect before our planning meeting began. "Just… Please, for my sake, be a little more careful than usual. Otherwise…"

He didn't continue. There was a story there, but one he hadn't told me yet. It must have something to do with Tippy… Whenever he mentioned her name, he seemed sad. And angry. I bowed my head, hat shadowing my face. Guilt curled in my gut; I hadn't meant to worry Ghin. "Sorry…"

The holographic unicorn bowed and whined, but I don't think Ghin could see it. He sighed and poked me in the forehead before turning to make sure Lisa's pack had everything she would need on their mission. Rolling her eyes, the little painter complied with the rigger's mother hen tendencies.

Johnny and Yosaku were the last of Team Mushroom to come back on deck as we were getting ready to split up. The hunters scrambled out of the hatchway, panting, each carrying a great thing on their back. These things looked kludged together- a pair of small SCUBA tanks connected via hoses, with another hose coming out the top that ended in a nozzle like some bizarre vacuum cleaner attachment. Each device had buttons and dials on the sides. Johnny's had bright blue bands painted on it, while Yosaku's was marked in acid green. Zoro looked askance at the hunters as they joined the rest of their team.

"What're those?"

"Ranged weapons," Yosaku informed the bosun. The green hunter patted his sword. "We're not as tough as you Big Bro- we can't just rely on our blades. So we figured, we'd do like Big Sis Jones- fight close in most of the time, but carry guns if we need them."

"Only we couldn't make guns," Johnny continued, "And we didn't wanna get some mass-produced marine musket or hunting rifle from a market- mostly cause we don't know how to make ammo for those if we run out away from an island. So we made these. They don't have the range of a gun, but if they work right, we can maintain them and make our own ammo no problem."

Zoro frowned, but said nothing. What he thought was clear on his face though- mild contempt and distaste. He didn't like the idea of swordsmen branching out, lessening the time they spent honing their skill with a blade. Especially in cases like this, where the hunters had spent so much time working on something else- these tank devices had to be what they'd been working on in the bilge for ages. But at the same time, the bosun seemed to understand; he agreed with the assessment of Johnny and Yosaku not being particularly tough, at any rate.

Usopp approached the hunters, curiosity lighting up his face. He examined their devices with all the eagerness of a fellow inventor. "What do they do, though? They don't look like any sort of gun- and do I hear sloshing?"

Yosaku nodded. "Sure is Bro. These things shoot liquid- we can use almost anything for ammo, even water. But what they're meant for… Mine uses sulphuric acid, and Johnny's uses lye."

Nami shook her head with a sigh. "So that's where all the soap was going. You two…" The sailing master fingered her Clima-Tact meaningfully. Squeaking, the hunters bolted off the ship, leaving Usopp, Ghin, Lisa, Jack, Mairead, and Carue to catch up. The princess turned and looked at Luffy as Team Mushroom got underway.

"You'll meet us in Alubarna when you're done… whatever it is you're doing?"

"Yep, yep, yep!" The rubber boy swung back and forth between his brothers, a hand on each of their shoulders. Vivi smiled at the sight before mounting her duck and riding to lead her team out into the desert. Pink-gold light lit up Team Mushroom as the sun began to sink towards the sand.

X

I had first watch that night. Unlike the daytime, Alabastan nights were cold- cold enough for me to wrap myself in a blanket as I tried to snuggle with my holographic unicorn. Who I was pretty sure was a hallucination by this point, given that Ruatha wasn't snapping and chirping with jealousy. Instead, my little dragon was curled peacefully by my side, snoring. Unlike me, he didn't have to keep watch.

I never wouldn't have gotten away with this had Ghin been on Team Turtle. He would've forced me to bed because of my injuries. But really… I couldn't sleep, not right away. Both because of the remnants of pain, and because the painkillers Chopper had pumped into me were definitely doing something to my brain. And somehow, that something was not sedating me. What was in that stuff?

Heavy boots thudded on the deck behind me. I turned slowly, one hand going for my gun- if I had to fight right now, I wanted something loud that would bring everyone else running. I cocked the pistol, wincing as even that slight movement pulled at my shoulders. But I didn't need to fire. It was just Ace. I holstered my gun with a sigh, flinching involuntarily as the freckled pirate came up to lean on the rails beside me. His hat shadowed his eyes.

"What're you doing up?" I asked, puzzled. Hadn't he gone to bed when his brothers had?

The freckled pirate sighed. "Can't sleep. Sabo's being too loud. I think… He won't say anything, but I think what I did to you gave him nightmares. The scars on his face… It looks like he got burnt pretty bad at some point."

Nodding, I glanced out to sea. Yes, even while hallucinating, I took my position as the person on watch seriously. After all, anything I saw had a fifty percent chance of actually being there. "It was when the Tenryuubito shot his boat, back when you thought he died."

Ace nodded his understanding. For several long minutes, we stood side by side in silence. I shed my blanket; Ace was a natural heater, and with him that close, it was too much. And then…

"I'm sorry…" Ace's voice was low and rough, so quiet I could barely hear him. I shot him a puzzled look.

"Yeah, I know. You said earlier."

"No, I didn't. Not really." Ace shook his head. "I apologized to everyone else for scaring them and burning their crew mate… But I didn't apologize to you. The one I actually hurt."

"Oh." I shrugged and turned my gaze back out to sea. I was supposed to be keeping watch, after all. "Apology accepted."

"What?! That's it?!" Ace nearly fell overboard. "You- why aren't you angry at me? I burned you. I mean… I thought you were stronger than you are. Scars like yours- in the New World, they mean something. I thought I needed to go all-out to get information, that you'd just shrug me off like… The only other person I've seen with that many scars is Pops. But I didn't… I was actually hurting you. It wasn't that you didn't want to answer, was it? You couldn't. I was torturing you!"

"Yeah…" I nodded. Okay, my scars made me look like a New World veteran. Good to know. I might need to hide them sometimes, in that case. "And it hurt a lot- still hurts- but you've stopped, and you've apologized, so it's fine." My chest felt… numb as I spoke. Emotions ran dead- one of the early signs of a depressive episode on the way. It was still early enough to head it off though, so I didn't worry right now. Judging by past events since coming here, something would happen to distract me or cheer me up before things got too bad.

"You- how can you be so calm about this? You should hate me for what I did!" Ace was openly staring now, mouth agape; I could see him out of the corner of my eye.

That was true. That was very true, looking at it logically. But… "I could never hate you. You're my favourite character." My voice was small, quiet, but Ace still heard.

"What?" It wasn't loud- in fact, Ace's voice was barely audible. But that single word was the essence of confusion, as if someone had turned Enel's face when being punched by Luffy into a soundbite. Which reminded me, I needed to get my hands on a visual den-den, both to record that upcoming bit of hilarity, and for my experiments in creating a One Piece internet. But I digress. What I had just said made no sense to Ace whatsoever; it was so far outside any context he had that it was laughable. I felt a tingle in the air as something beyond light or sound shattered.

Ah. That felt good. I didn't know how much I'd missed the feeling of people's brains breaking.

But, with that said… Should I tell him? And if I did, how much? What would he do? Would he attack me again? But… If I wanted Ace's help taking out Blackbeard- and I definitely needed it- I needed him to trust me. Which would be easier if I was honest with him. And, well, he might understand. Ace knew what it was like to have something you didn't want the world to know. I sighed heavily. "It's a long story," I told the freckled pirate. "You don't have to listen. Isn't it enough that I don't hate you?"

Apparently it wasn't. Ace didn't move from his spot on the rails; grey eyes fixed on me in expectation. Well, that was to be expected, I guess. I stared out to sea in silence for a few minutes, gathering my thoughts. When I began telling my story, I kept my voice flat and even. Ace was polite enough not to interrupt, which I was glad for. If I'd had to stop, I wasn't sure I could keep going.

"Once upon a time, there was a little girl who grew up believing she was a monster. She could do things the other children couldn't, so they either hated her or feared her. Even her own parents told her she shouldn't do these things, that they were wrong, impossible. So she spent all her time immersed in stories, any stories she could get her hands on, looking for a place where she belonged."

"One day, when she was twelve years old, that little girl stumbled upon a series of comics about a rubber pirate and his crazy friends. This story had been running since she was a small child, with eight years of humour and excitement for her to bury herself in- and it was ongoing, so she didn't have to worry about running out of material any time soon. And it was so good. She became obsessed with the story, learning as much as she could about pirates and faithfully reading the new chapters every week when they came out."

"Her favourite character was the rubber pirate's older brother. He didn't have a big part at first, but he was amazing- funny, talented, strong, kind… The big brother she always wished she'd had. And the more of his backstory came out, the more she admired him. He'd grown up with the same feelings she had, only much, much worse- he believed the world hated him because his father was the previous king of the pirates. And many of them did… But despite all he went through, despite all the hate and fear, he was able to find people who loved him. To keep smiling. To live. So the little girl admired him more and more, wanting to be just like him when she grew up."

"And then… And then came the Paramount War story arc. By then, the little girl wasn't so little anymore; she was seventeen, a martial artist, a figure skater, had the top marks in all her classes… She was well on her way to becoming like the character she admired so much. And the comic was only growing more riveting as the years went on, with the Paramount War as a giant turning point. Her favourite character had been captured by the marines, and all kinds of characters from all over the place were teaming up to either save or execute him. It was intense, exciting… Amazing."

"After a lot of fighting, reveals, flashbacks, and general tension, it looked like the rubber pirate had finally rescued his brother. The two were fighting back to back, running towards a ship that could get them away. It was pure awesome. Columns of fire flinging marines away, the execution stand collapsing like an earthquake had hit… The older brother's crew were there, fighting to help the brothers get out and away. And they were almost free… When one of the marine admirals attacked the exhausted younger brother. The older brother jumped in the way to protect the younger… And was pierced through the chest by a fist of magma."

"The younger brother went catatonic. His older brother's crew and friends continued fighting to get him out, and in that they succeeded, but not until after the man who'd initially captured the older brother entered the battle. He killed the older brother's captain- a powerful, kindly man whose greatest treasure was his family- and absorbed his powers."

From the corner of my eye, I could see horror growing on Ace's face. He was so silent as I finished, I wasn't even sure if he was breathing. "The girl had spent so long obsessing over the stories that the world, the characters… they had become real to her. And with the death of her favourite… She went into mourning. For three years, she couldn't bring herself to read her favourite comic because every time she tried, she began crying over a pair of fictional characters. So she threw herself into her studies, into other comics and stories… But she was eventually drawn back. And she found that even without her favourite character, she still loved that comic so much. She fell back into her obsession, waiting for the new chapter every Thursday, reading so much fanfiction that even the gods couldn't count it. As for the rest of her life… Her problems with people grew worse and worse. She was so alone, so afraid of other people, such a freak. Eventually she couldn't take it anymore. The girl- or, well, young woman by now- tried to take her own life to escape the loneliness and conflicting emotions. But instead of dying, she ended up in the world of her favourite comic. Long before the Paramount War."

My arms twitched with remembered pain. Ace saw the movement; without warning, he reached over and grabbed my wrists, checking the scars that he must've seen earlier. I tried to pull back, but this was Ace; his grip on my arms was far too strong for me to escape. Grey eyes stared at me in disbelief. "I- You- How?"

"I don't know."

Ace let out a sound somewhere between a groan, a snarl, and a strangled yelp. Releasing my wrists, he pulled away as if I had burned him. "You… If you hadn't said- You know about my… him. Luffy promised he wouldn't tell, so you couldn't have… But it sounds insane!"

"The novelty of hearing that from people who can do things like turn into fire and talk with swords in their mouths will never cease. This is the Grand Line, the sea where sanity goes to die and yet I'm the crazy one?" I flopped bonelessly across the rail, unable to support myself any longer. "Sesehihihihihi! This is nuts! Right Uni?"

My holographic unicorn hallucination nickered and nibbled on my pants. Ace flopped right beside me, energy draining from him as his face took on an ashen hue. "So… Pops and I die… Saving Luffy? In a war where he showed up to save me? Why would he do something like that? It's my job to protect him, not the other way 'round!"

"He loves you," I reminded the freckled pirate. He sighed.

"Yeah… I don't deserve it though- argh, he's so stupid." Ace raised his head just enough to frown at me. "And you are too… Hanging so much on me. How could I be your favourite?"

"If you missed that part of the story, too bad. I'm not telling it again." For a brief moment, my emotions overcame my dislike of people. I reached out and laid a hand on Ace's shoulder, trying to comfort him. "And you're not going to die, you or Whitebeard. With where I come from, what I know, I can change things. I have been changing things. And I know how to prevent the Paramount War from ever happening. But I need your help. Blackbeard's the key. We'll have one shot, one chance to take him out before he can truly get started on his plans. I know you don't want to join Luffy's crew, that even if you weren't sailing with Whitebeard, you swore you could never take orders from your little brother, but… Will you sail with us until we meet Blackbeard?"

A wry, choked chuckle; Ace snorted and played with the medallion on his hat. "I don't really have a choice, do I? If I say no, you won't tell me where he is. You're trying to protect me. Me. You're fucking insane, you know that? But sure. I want Blackbeard's head, and if I have to work with you to get it, that's fine. It could be worse."

"Good." I nodded. That was easier than I'd expected, not that I was complaining. Without Ace on my side, taking out Blackbeard would be a lot harder. "Oh- and you can't tell Sabo where I'm from. Please? He'd tell Dragon, and I don't want to deal with that can of worms yet."

Ace frowned. "Okay… But- what about Pops? I can't lie to him, especially if you're involved in Whitebeard business. Although… I can promise I won't tell anyone else. And he won't either, not if I tell him it's like me and… that man."

"Whitebeard has less motivation than Dragon to use the things I know," I pointed out. "Dragon's leading a revolution, and I have information on all kinds of events, major players, military secrets… I share some things, if I think he can help people, but I don't want things getting too out of control. Not yet. But all Whitebeard wants is to look after his family. Him knowing… I don't mind as much."

A nod. Life started to come back into Ace's countenance. "Fair enough." The freckled pirate rose to go back to the men's cabin. Halfway across the deck, he turned and looked back at me. "Hey, Jones… That comic… That's how you knew Teach would stab Thatch, right?"

"Yeah." Hadn't we just been over this?

"Well… I was just wondering… Did they say whether he'd ever walk again? Cause he seems to be doing alright with the chair Fossa and Curiel made for him, and the way they've rearranged the kitchen, but it's been hard on him. He can't really fight anymore, can't run off exploring islands…" Ace sighed heavily, clenching his fists.

Me? I was floored. Thatch was alive? How? "Wait- Thatch survived? In the comics, he died. Are you telling me he's-?"

"Of course he's alive!" Ace's hair burst into flames for a brief second before he regained control. "I'm not the only one who got paranoid after seeing your ad! Jozu said we needed to hunt you down and force you to tell us what you meant about Thatch! Haruta wouldn't shut up for three days, wondering who you were! After your stupid ad, Marco barely let Thatch out of his sight! When Teach went after him, Marco was right in the next room over. Got him to the med bay right away; the nurses couldn't fix his spine, but they stopped him from bleeding out."

Tabarnak. My ad had gotten out before Blackbeard made a move. How had I forgotten- Ace had still been with Whitebeard when Luffy's bounty was supposed to come out! There was a scene of it, a flashback somewhere in the Paramount War arc. Tears- happy tears- stung my eyes. I couldn't hide them from Ace, no matter how hard I tried; my whole body was shaking. Since I couldn't hide the tears, I avoided looking at the freckled pirate so I could pretend he didn't see my weakness, that I didn't have to be ashamed.

"I saved someone," I whispered into my hands, my chest light with a strange mix of hope and disbelief. "Maudit, I actually saved someone. What I'm doing is actually worth something."

A warm wind brushed against me, dancing around and making my clothes flutter. Ruatha snuggled deeper into my side, and a loose line somewhere above fell to drape across my shoulders. Off in the distance, I heard the triumphant splash of a whale breaching. Even the moon seemed to shine a bit brighter. I smiled through my tears as my writer told me in her wordless way that, at least some of the time, I was going to succeed.

X

Lisa bit back a groan as she dragged her feet across the sand. They'd walked for hours last night, and now they'd been walking for most of the day… She was exhausted. A large part of her wanted to whine, to complain to Ghin- she knew he'd carry her if she asked- but… but if she did that, Jones would be ashamed. The little painter bit her lip and held her head high as she trudged on. For some reason she still didn't fully understand, she wanted to make the crazy woman proud. And despite not being one of the strongest members of the crew, Jones seemed to be able to take ungodly amounts of punishment. So Lisa should be able to handle this desert no problem. It was just a little heat, after all.

Johnny let out a wordless whimper and leaned on Yosaku; the green hunter wrapped an arm around his partner and kissed his forehead. "You're doing fine Bro. Just a little longer; I'm sure we'll be there soon."

Vivi, riding at the fore with Carue, overheard them. The princess turned back and nodded. "We're less than an hour away- I can already smell the perfume. Katorea's where they make most of the makeup that was for sale in Nanohana." Having grown up in the desert, the princess wasn't affected nearly as badly as the rest of them. It just wasn't fair. Vivi wasn't even sweating!

Jack grumbled something unpleasant as he stomped along. Lisa wasn't close enough to hear exactly what he said. Mairead was, though; the muscular woman swatted the wannabe prince upside the head. "Don't waste your energy complaining- that'll only make things worse."

"Yes ma'am." The whiny redhead shut up, rubbing his afflicted skull.

"Why do girls get away with hitting us?" Usopp asked Ghin. "If we hit them, everyone calls us monsters. Usually, anyways."

The rigger shrugged. "I dunno. Some cultures believe that women are weaker than men, and that we shouldn't hurt them because they're delicate. That said, I've never met a woman who couldn't give as good as she got if it came down to that, so I don't think that's true. My bet is that it's some twisted rule someone made for trying to get into their skirts- be nice to them no matter what, and maybe they'll have sex with you."

Usopp looked affronted, shooting an alarmed glance at Lisa. "Ghin! Don't talk like that! There's young ears present!"

"Actually, I already know all about the birds and the bees," Lisa informed the shocked gunner. "Mr Three taught me when I joined Baroque Works- he said that even if I was too young to perform those sorts of missions just yet, I should know about them. His slideshow was… very detailed." The little painter shuddered at the memory.

Her comment seemed to disturb Usopp for some reason. Ghin just shrugged. "She's older than Tippy and I were when we learned."

"Yeah, but you were street rats!" Usopp flailed wildly. "You hung around bars all the time waiting to mug people! Lisa's…" The gunner trailed off. "Actually… Where do you come from Lisa?"

Shrugging, the little painter fiddled with her headscarf. She didn't like the way it pulled at her hat. "The Fleyln Archipelago. I'm not sure exactly where it is; I haven't been home in a long time. Daddy was a sculptor, and Mommy was one of the Painted Warriors that protected the islands. I had two older sisters who were going to be Painted Warriors too, so I could just sort of do whatever I wanted. No expectations. Daddy taught me about art; he said I was really good, the pride of the island."

Now Johnny and Yosaku were looking interested too. Lisa shrank into her voluminous desert robes, her face flushing from all the attention. And maybe a little bit of sunburn- she hadn't been reapplying her sunscreen as often as she should've been. "That sounds pretty cool, Li'l Sis," Johnny said, perking up.

Yosaku nodded, a puzzled frown crossing his face. "But… Why'd a little girl like you join Baroque Works? It sounds like you had a pretty nice life, and you're just a kid…"

Thinking about it made Lisa cringe. Dark. Afraid. Alone. She instinctively moved closer to Ghin, grabbing the rigger's hand. He squeezed reassuringly. "Do I have to talk about it?" the little painter asked in a hoarse whisper.

Ghin glared at the hunters as he answered her question. "No. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

Johnny and Yosaku let up with frightened whimpers. Lisa didn't blame them. No one wanted to cross Ghin right now. He was still a bit worked up over what Ace did to Jones, and pushing him too hard was likely to result in a tonfa to the face.

"We're here!" Vivi exclaimed before the silence could grow too awkward. The princess and her duck had ridden ahead to scout over the top of a rise. Now they came barrelling back down towards the rest of Team Mushroom, a broad smile on Vivi's face. "Katorea's just over that ridge! And I can see the rebel's tents! Jones was right!"

"You doubted Big Sis?" Yosaku asked, his eyebrows rising. "Really? Still?"

Vivi flushed, embarrassed. "I- It's one thing to hear about it, and to know she knew things about me; it's another to act on her intelligence and find whole armies where she thought they'd be. I always fought with her over it, but I didn't actually expect… I'll need to introduce her to the high priests after everything is over. They'll have a field day."

It wasn't much longer before Lisa saw it, as the group staggered over the sandy rise. Below them lay a small town, the buildings made of pale adobe. A faint smell of perfume hung about the place; Lisa was impressed with Vivi's nose, if the princess had really been able to smell that from even further away. A series of large tents, covered wagons, and temporary paddocks were arranged around the edges of the town- those must be the rebels Vivi was so easy to see.

Lisa couldn't help the soft groan of relief that escaped her as they began to walk down the hill into Katorea. Soon. Soon she could rest. Ghin chuckled and patted her on the head with his free hand. "You've done well. Just hold on a bit longer."

It appeared to be all Vivi could do to keep herself from racing on ahead with Carue. The princess fidgeted in her saddle as Team Mushroom made their way through town, towards the largest of the rebel tents. "It's been years," she muttered. "I hope they remember me. Okame, Kebi, Natto, Farafra, I can't wait to see you again!"

As the group drew near to the rebel tents, they were met by two men. One, a lean swordsman with goggles on his helmet, pointed a blade at Vivi. "Halt! Who goes there?"

"Kebi!" Vivi jumped down off of Carue and ran forwards to hug the swordsman. He froze in surprise. His partner- a giant of a man with only one arm and a face that reminded Lisa of a hippo- didn't do anything to stop the princess.

Vivi released her shocked captive after a few seconds and took a step back. "Kebi, it's me- Vivi. I need to speak to Kohza right now- this war… He's making a horrible mistake!"

The swordsman looked like someone had just punched him in the gut. "V-vice-leader?!" he squawked. "You're- you're alive?! This is wonderful news! Leader's been beside himself ever since you disappeared!" Then he cleared his throat, regaining some semblance of self-control. "But, um… You're a royal. We can't just let you talk to Leader alone, not with the way things are right now. Sorry…"

"Then you and Farafra come with us," the princess told her friend. "And get someone to bring Okame and Natto too; it's something you should all hear. No one else though; just the four of you and Kohza. There are… We can't trust anyone else with this information until we've verified some things."

Kebi nodded. His partner- Lisa assumed that was Farafra- wandered off to find the people Vivi had requested while the swordsman led Team Mushroom inside. For a few seconds before the tent flap closed behind her, Lisa could feel eyes boring into the back of her neck. Of course. There were a bunch of Billions infiltrating the army; at least some of them had recognized her as an officer agent, and this was far enough away from Nanohana that Mr Two's report probably hadn't spread yet. They were wondering what she was doing here.

A blond man with purple sunglasses looked up from a pile of reports as Team Mushroom entered the tent. "Kebi, what's- Vivi?"

The man stood. Two long strides covered the width of the tent; he had the princess in his arms before anyone could react. The hug was brief though. He quickly set her down, taking a small step back. "You're alive… Wait. Does your father know yet? What're you doing here? Shit, I can't have you in my camp when I'm at war with your father!"

"I'm here to stop this war. It's a mistake!" Vivi glared up at the blond man; Lisa wondered if this was the Kohza that the princess mentioned occasionally. Probably.

Jack snickered as the pair stared at each other. "Just kiss already." Mairead promptly hit him over the head for that comment.

Kohza was the first to break the silence. "Vivi, I know you don't want to believe this of your father, but… He's using Dance Powder. Alubarna has plenty of rain while the rest of the country wallows in drought. And he won't even use it to give any of the other towns any relief."

"Father would never do something like that," Vivi insisted. "Using Dance Powder is illegal; it messes up the weather patterns for kilometers. Father knows that."

"He admitted to it in front of an entire town! I was there!" Kohza slapped his hand down on a nearby crate for emphasis. His shoulders drooped. "I- I didn't want to believe it either. King Cobra was like an uncle to me. But I saw him, heard him say it."

Vivi was silent for a long moment. Farafra returned while she was thinking, accompanied by a skinny woman in red and a shirtless man who carried a huge club. The rest of Vivi's friends, most likely. After maybe thirty more seconds, the princess gasped. Grey eyes lit up with realization.

"No. That wasn't Father you saw- it only looked like him. Kohza, the drought, this war, it's all being orchestrated by an organization called Baroque Works. The leader is Sir Crocodile; he's trying to take over Alabasta. And one of his officers can transform into other people. I've seen them. He never turned into my father in front of us, but I'd bet our old hideout that Mr Two can turn into my father just as easily as he can turn into Jones. That's who you saw."

The princess' revelation elicited gasps from the small group of rebels assembled. Kohza appeared to lose the strength to stand, leaning back on a crate as he stared at Vivi in shock. "How- how do you know?"

"That's where I went when I disappeared- Igaram and I were infiltrating Baroque Works to try and figure out what was going on. We had our suspicions, and then…" The princess shuddered and gestured at a few members of Team Mushroom. "Jack, Mairead, and Lisa can confirm my story. Jack was my partner while I was in Baroque Works, and Mairead was Igaram's; Lisa was a high-ranking officer agent."

Kohza looked askance at the three; Lisa nodded her head rapidly, with Jack and Mairead not far behind. The rebel leader looked thoughtful for a moment, then… "Who are the rest of these people?"

"Usopp, Ghin, Johnny, and Yosaku; they're members of the Straw Hat Pirates, the group that saved me and brought me home after Crocodile found out what I'd discovered." Now the princess had tears welling up at the corners of her eyes; she wiped them away impatiently. Her voice cracked as she continued to speak. "We- we got separated from Igaram on the way. Miss All Sunday- Crocodile's right hand- did something to him."

Rubbing his temples, Kohza let out a pained sigh. "Ybn El-Mitneka…" The rebel leader lapsed into momentary silence, a stormy look on his face, as he mourned someone Lisa assumed had been a friend. The demands of the situation didn't allow him to dwell on it for long though. "Okay, so what do we do? Even if I'm just marching up to surrender, the Royal Army won't take kindly to two million rebels approaching Alubarna."

Vivi nodded. "And before we can do that, we have another problem as well." She sighed as all her old friends looked askance at her. "The rebel army… You've been infiltrated by Baroque Works. If you try and surrender before they've been rooted out, who knows what will happen? I'm a little surprised they didn't attack us as we came in- guess they didn't get the news yet that I'm alive and three numbered agents had defected. It's only a matter of time… And if you deviate from the plan, they might go after you too."

"But I can't fight Cobra now," Kohza groaned. "Not if you're right. If he's innocent, I'll be leading my men- this entire country!- into a trap."

"We need to find the infiltrators and… I don't know, imprison them or something." Vivi's words rang true, but her heart wasn't in them. The princess drooped at the thought of the monumental task. Interviewing each and every member of the rebel army to figure out how many Billions were among them- it was a daunting task. No one else spoke for several long minutes, lost in their own hopelessness at the thought.

Then Usopp raised a hand, his eyes lighting up as his back straightened. "I- I think I've got it. Johnny, Yosaku, how long would it take you two to set up a bucket trap that could catch a whole army at once?"

The hunters looked at each other and shrugged. "About an hour, Big Bro. Why?"

Instead of answering, Usopp nodded and turned to Lisa. "And you… Could you mix enough paint to splash two million people?"

That was a lot, but… "Probably. It doesn't take very much to get someone to react. What colour?"

"Truthful Turquoise." The gunner grinned. Then he spun to face the rebels. "And you… You need to come up with an excuse to bring the whole army together. Make sure they're not suspicious of whatever Johnny and Yosaku set up."

Kohza looked at Kebi; the swordsman nodded. "A training drill should do the trick. Unless you had something else in mind, Leader?"

"No, that sounds good to me. Go tell the men; we'll be holding a mass formation drill in an hour and a half, as preparation for our assault on Alubarna." Kohza looked at Usopp as his friends nodded and left. "I hope you know what you're doing; if this doesn't work, we're all in deep shit. Deep lion shit."

The gunner rubbed his nose with a nervous giggle. "Yeah… I hope I know what we're doing too."

For the next hour, Lisa focused intently on her work. Mixing several gallons of a colour was different than mixing a little splash to hypnotize one person, after all. She had to be very careful about how she balanced the colours, especially since she wasn't using her own paints. No, she didn't have enough. Instead, Okame- the woman in red- had given her access to the army's supply of war paint. All the colours were slightly different… But by mixing in as much of her own paint as she could, Lisa was able to eventually match the hue she needed. And just in time too; there were less than ten minutes to go until the drill by the time Johnny and Yosaku got the bucket trap ready and her paints were done. She barely had time to get the paints into the buckets before the rebels began lining up.

Kohza rode at the lead sword drawn. "Alright men, I want a quadruple column formation! As if we were marching on Alubarna- that means artillery to the wings! And charioteers, I know you can go faster, but by Sekhmet's bloody claws, let the heavy infantry lead! They're better suited for facing stone walls!"

The sound of the army rearranging itself was deafening- millions of footsteps and hoofbeats as infantry, artillery, cavalrymen, and chariots all moved into formation. Their steps kicked up massive amounts of dust from the bone-dry desert; wheels creaked loudly and weapons clanked. It was truly a remarkable sight, watching two million men, women, and animals move into formation around a set of posts that ostensibly marked distance. Above them, taught lines hummed in the wind, waiting for their burdens to be released.

Natto blew a horn, signalling for the rebels to stop and check their positions- and also for Johnny and Yosaku to release the mechanism. The hunters did so with glee. Buckets of paint raced down the lines, splashing and spilling as they went, until a quick twist by Usopp caused each section of the device to flip, the buckets throwing paint everywhere as they were upended. Every member of the army was hit- there was so much paint that it was impossible to avoid.

Before anyone could so much as yelp in disgust, Ghin was at the head of the army. The rigger yelled at the top of his lungs, his volume making Lisa wince and cover her ears. But at least they could be sure everyone heard.

"ALRIGHT MAGGOTS! WHICH OF YOU ARE WORKING FOR BAROQUE WORKS? RAISE YOUR HANDS!"

Hands went up- many, many hands. Of the two million soldiers, it looked like nearly a third had been Baroque Works Billions. Lisa shook her head and sighed. She should've expected that… This operation belonged to Mr Six and Miss Mother's Day, both of whom were firmly convinced there was no kill like overkill. Kohza looked at his men in shock for a moment before regaining his senses.

"Anyone who didn't just raise your hand, tie up those who did! We'll figure out what to do with them in a minute!"

The now-revealed Billions moved to fight back as the rebels closed in. But where Usopp hadn't anticipated this, Lisa had. Waving a hand, the little painter indicated for Johnny and Yosaku to release a second volley.

"Calming Green!"

More buckets raced down into position. Usopp let out a yelp and pulled his lever on instinct when he saw them, flipping the lines and spraying the army with paint once more. Unfortunately, there was a great deal of friendly fire that doused most of the honest rebels as well, but there was no way to avoid that on such short notice. And with the Billions in a calm daze, it didn't matter so much if it took longer to round them all up. Lisa helped. She wasn't sure what they were going to do with so many incapacitated men, but… That was Kohza and Vivi's problem, not hers.

As they were busy tying up hundred of dazed Billions, Ghin wandered over to Usopp and clapped the gunner on the shoulder, making him jump. "That," the rigger said appreciatively, "Was a good plan."

Usopp rubbed his nose, flushing slightly with embarrassment. "Eheheheheh… Thanks."

X

"We'll have to leave the Merry here," Nami observed with a sigh as we came in sight of the mouth of the river. I nodded in agreement. The Sandora River, though broad as Hell, was nowhere near deep enough to take a ship up. Probably barely enough to cover Sabo's head. Of course, for a bunch of Devil Fruit users, that was still plenty deep enough to drown in.

We anchored the Going Merry on the west side of the Sandora Delta. Sandelta? Deltora- wait, wrong franchise. The thought made me smile, though, as Ace and I were furling the sails. Zoro slept below us, while Sanji and Chopper were preparing supplies for the desert trek. And with Sabo the one dropping anchor… Merde. There was no one keeping an eye on Luffy, was there? Confirming my suspicions, my captain took a flying leap off the rails, landing onshore with a heavy thud.

"Alright! I smell adventure!"

Almost as soon as Luffy's feet touched sand, round green things began moving all along the shore. I freed one hand from the lines to facepalm. Of course… And Vivi wasn't here to say anything. Although at least Usopp was also absent, so we wouldn't have to deal with the embarrassment of watching our gunner get his ass handed to him by a bunch of marine mammals. I opened my mouth to warn my captain, but I was too late.

"RAUP! RAUP!" The first of many small, brown-and-green mammals leapt from the surf, drawing back its flipper like a mighty fist. It tried to punch Luffy in the back of the head, only for him to turn at the last moment and catch its fist in midair.

"Hey! Cool! A little warrior seal thing! What're you doing?"

"RAUP REEP!" The dugong proceeded to slap Luffy in the face with its tail. My captain flung the little mammal away on reflex, leading to it crashing into a rock… And proclaiming its defeat with a loud sigh.

What followed was… Well, quite honestly, both badass and adorable. One by one, Luffy was attacked by dugongs the size of a golden retriever, each determined to beat him in single combat. And one by one, he defeated said dugongs, laughing the whole time as he punched and kicked and tossed them away. Soon enough, there were no dugongs left to fight; all the little warriors lay insensate on the ground.

"Shishishishi! You guys are funny! Why'd you attack me though?"

"Reep reep rawp. Raup rawp. Rereep," one of the dugongs groaned. Luffy pouted.

"Sorry, I don't speak funny warrior seal."

"She says they're called kung-fu dugongs," Chopper translated, trotting to the rail. The little reindeer was in pretty bad shape because of the heat- his fur was matted with sweat, and he was panting like a dog. It was only the danger of heat stroke that had gotten him to remove his jersey and replace it with more suitable desert attire. "Anytime a newcomer arrives on their shores, they must challenge him in a feat of arms. Winning such a challenge is a dugong's right. If they lose… If they lose, they must become the student of he who defeated them, in order to better their individual combat abilities and those of the tribe as a whole."

"Oh… Cool!" Luffy looked absolutely delighted with the idea of having students. Meanwhile, Ace and Sabo groaned simultaneously, burying their faces in their hands. And really… What was so wrong with Luffy teaching the dugongs a thing or two? It couldn't hurt anyone, and it wasn't like they could pull off any of his Gum-Gum techniques anyway.

Ooooh, idea cake!

I jumped down from the mast, absorbing the force of my fall for later use, and pried Ruatha off my shoulder. The dragon whined as I set him on the rails. Nami shot me a confused look as I stretched my shoulders, testing the pull of the burned flesh. Not too bad, especially since Chopper still had me hopped up on painkillers. Although at least my unicorn hallucination was gone…

"Jones, what're you doing?"

Sorry Nami, couldn't answer that before getting started. If I did, Chopper would stop me. He looked like he was about to grab me and stop me on principle, so I jumped down to the sand before he could. Finding the oldest, toughest-looking dugong I could, I knelt down on the beach and bowed, my forehead touching the sand.

"Onegaishimasu."

After a moment, a flipper tapped me on the shoulder, indicating for me to raise my head. Huge brown eyes stared into mine; I didn't blink. Not until the dugong did first, grumbling something to himself in his bestial language before addressing me. "Raup reep reep raup rawp, raupa."

"WHAT?!" Chopper's jaw dropped, his eyes bulging out of his head. Nami glanced down at the reindeer with a frown.

"What is it? What's going on?"

The doctor ignored her, popping into Heavy Point and vaulting over the rail of the Merry. "Jones! I told you no training yet!" Before he could get close enough to grab me, however, he was stopped, surrounded by a large number of dugongs. And while Luffy had been able to defeat them easily, a couple of heavy punches were enough to make Chopper pause and rethink his advance.

I shot Chopper a questioning look- hey, I couldn't speak dugong, even if they could understand me. Sighing, the reindeer popped back into Brain Point as he gave in. "He says he'll honour your request if you can defeat five of his students in single combat," Chopper grumbled. His ears lay flat against his skull. "Jones… Please don't do this. You've barely had any chance for your back to heal at all."

"Sorry Choppy, but I have to." I rose to my feet, bowing to the dugong to show my acceptance of his terms. In my head, I recited an apology to a man who would likely never hear or read it. I'm very sorry Sensei. I know I should've asked you first, or at least given some indication that I was interested in pursuing other styles right now. But… You're not here. I can't ask you anything, and I might need to learn more in order to survive this world. "I've- I've finally picked a dream, I think."

That left the doctor confused, while Luffy, Zoro, Nami, and Sanji all frowned at me. "But… I thought your dream was to write a story that would make people smile?" Luffy asked, cocking his head to the side. "That's what you said when we went over the mystery mountain."

"It is," I assured him, "But my saying that was largely a bit of meta-humour. The story's being written with every breath we take; I don't have to put much actual effort into it. It's another me who holds the pen. So while I'm here, in this world… This me is going to learn all the martial arts styles I can get my hands on. That's my new dream- to be the greatest karate-ka this world has ever seen."

Saying those words felt so corny, it was unbelievable. But… It was a good one. I was sure, this was what I wanted. What I didn't tell anyone was why. For most of my life, I'd been trying to find a place where I fit, or trying to die- often both at once. But now… Now I had a place where I belonged, so I didn't want to die anymore. Not just that… I wanted to protect people. No one was taking these friends, this crew, away from me. Ever. Which meant I had to work hard, since I wasn't the same as the humans of this world. And the best way for me to do that- the only way I really knew- was through martial arts. Which I just so happened to love anyway.

Zoro nodded in approval; Nami, less understanding in the ways of the dojo, threw a bottle at me. Rather than letting it hit my head, I reached up and caught it. Empty… Oh well. The sailing master scowled. "Jones! I thought we were on a schedule or something! Do you really have time to play-fight with a bunch of marine mammals?"

"I won't take long," I promised, settling into a fighting stance. "And if it looks like I'll be longer than I think, you can always leave me here. Chopper won't like me getting involved in the actual plot with my back like this anyway, and I can always guard the ship." Which would be boring as Hell, but I made the offer anyway. Not that I imagined it would be needed. I mean… Earthling against half-turtle, half-dugong mutants that lived to fight. I knew I was a better fighter than Usopp, so I probably wouldn't get curbstomped too badly, but I didn't really expect much to come of this. Still, I had to start trying somewhere.

Five dugongs lined up in front of me. While their sensei sat where he was, watching the challenge with piercing eyes, the rest of the tribe formed up in front of Luffy. He started showing them… something. I wasn't really paying attention. Deep breaths; focus on my own fight.

Settling into a fighting stance, I nodded at the dugongs to show I was ready. Chopper groaned and clapped a hoof to his head, but he'd given up trying to talk me out of this. Weirdly quickly, I might add. The elder dugong I'd been addressing nodded back and motioned to a younger mammal warming up off to one side. The smaller dugong leapt to its… tail and charged at me with abandon.

"RAAAAUUUUUPAAAAAAN!" The young dugong bullrushed me, slamming himself into my stomach in a full-on tackle that knocked the wind out of me and shoved me back. Which… I'm sure against someone their own size, that was a good takedown, but I was twice the height of my opponent and probably three or four times the weight. Realizing this, the dugong dropped to the ground and began launching a series of punches at my knees- the highest point he could reach.

I jumped over the dugong's strikes, firing off a back kick as I came down behind him. Only, it went right over his head. Tabarnak. I wasn't used to fighting people who were smaller than me- especially not that much smaller. The dugong cheered at my forgetfulness and planted a flipper in the sand, spinning to slam his tail up and into the back of my knee. I toppled forwards, instinctively going to roll… And then had to stop myself at the last minute so I didn't roll over my burns. The resultant flop knocked the wind out of me. Not that I stayed down- that would be a bad idea. I struck backwards with an elbow as I came up, firing the dugong away. What? Strong fighters they may have been, but they were still small. And light.

Instead of a normal fighting stance, I slid into shiko dachi. More effort on the legs, but it was easier to fight low that way. The little dugong planted his tail back in the sand and jumped, trying the same tackling maneuver he'd used on me at first, complete with the same growling warcry. Except this time I was better braced- I didn't move at all. Fist hooking up as if for a low punch, I instead slid my fingers under the lower edge of his plastron and lifted the dugong up, raising him over my head. A quick spin and drop planted the dugong headfirst into the sand. One down, four to go. This one must be a beginner.

My assumption was proven correct a moment later when the second dugong student approached. This one looked older, moved more cautiously. She approached in some low stance- probably the dugong equivalent of shiko dachi or kiba dachi- one flipper ready to block, the other making tentative jabs at me. I blocked or deflected each one, although most of them I didn't really need to- she was checking my reflexes, probing my defenses. So I began testing hers in return, firing off my own jabs and kicks. My opponent didn't deflect, choosing to block everything. And her blocks were strong. Soon my forearms were singing with the mild, familiar pain of bone striking bone.

I loved it.

"TAI!" A low kick, the height of a groin kick, but with the technique of a roundhouse. My shin met shell as my opponent curled into a ball; the bones sang. These familiar feelings, the rush of sparring… Soon I was lost, forgetting why I was fighting. All I remembered was that I was, and that it was so much fun. Even a curled-up dugong, crashing through my knees in a hardened ball of shell and muscle, couldn't take away my enjoyment.

"Sesehihihihihi!" I was laughing even as I crashed into the sand, despite the shot of pain it sent through my burned back. Planting my hands, I tried something I'd never done on Earth, swinging my legs around in some sort of weird double kick that looked like a botched version of something Sanji would do in the opening credits. I missed the dugong as she uncurled and leapt away; all my weird maneuver got me was another twisting, painful pull across my burns as I swung awkwardly to my feet. Standing brought my right into a punch from the dugong, sort of- her flipper thudded heavily into my thigh. I've taken more punishment than that though; fighting taekwondo practitioners tends to get you kicked in the legs a lot, at least in my experience. I spun on the ball of my foot and slammed the least satisfying axe kick ever down onto the dugong's head. She collapsed forwards, rolling towards her already-defeated companion, eyes spinning.

The third dugong combined the talents of the first two- he was as aggressive as the first, but more skilled like the second. Instead of trying to tackle me, he raced in with a series of bounding leaps, apparently determined to punch me in the head. I was still laughing, unable to stop, practically skipping as I moved backwards and around. He was fast, and for such a little guy, being able to jump that high was impressive- my head was more than twice his height off the ground. He was even smaller than the average dugong.

"ReepreepreepreepreepreepreepreepREEP!" This little fellow was not happy with my continued ability to avoid him. He punched faster and faster, bouncing up and down like Luffy on a sugar high. I grinned and lashed out with a palm strike; the dugong met my open hand with his fist, striking hard enough that we both got pushed backwards. Ramping up the friction beneath my feet prevented me from skidding too much- gotta remember that one. It could be useful later. Meanwhile my opponent bounced off a rock and flipped through the air, coming back down on me with a vengeance. I brought up an arm to block- only to have the dugong roll his punch around my arm and still manage to strike my head.

"REEREEP!" That punch was accompanied by a triumphant yell, as well as a burst of pain through my head. It was worse than being punched by Nami, but nowhere near as bad as Ghin. The dugong continued from there, flowing seamlessly into four more punches, one to each of the four quadrants of my body- upper right, upper left, lower right, lower left, in that order. Each punch was like being hit with a hammer. But while he was attacking different sectors cleverly, he didn't appear to actually be hitting anything particularly useful. No pressure points or anything.

Landing and spinning on his flippers, the dugong tried to take me out at the ankles with a tail sweep. I jumped over him, snapping a punch down into a shell-covered head. The dugong smacked face first into the ground, rolling across the sand and coming up just in time for me to jab him in the throat. Not hard enough to do any permanent damage, but enough to set the aquatic mammal gasping.

Sweat poured down my body. Fighting in this heat was finally catching up to me, cutting through my enjoyment of the match. Gritty dust, kicked up by the motions of combat, clung to my skin and the inside of my throat.

"RAUPA!" Dugong number four came at me from the side as I tried to catch my breath. I spun to intercept him, only to have him intercept my interception. Flesh slapped against flesh. Repeated strikes yielded the same result- every time the dugong punched, I caught it on my arms; every time I kicked, he blocked with a flipper. Then a headbutt slammed into my hip, breaking my rhythm. I staggered sideways.

The dugong yipped proudly as he took advantage of the opening. Seven strikes snaked in, too fast for me to get my guard up- a hammer fist on top of my skull; rapid, stinging jabs to my forehead, throat, chest, and solar plexus; a heavy punch that buried itself in my stomach; and a spinning tail-kick to the base of my spine. I wheezed, gasping for breath as both my throat and my diaphragm fought against me.

Zoro groaned from where he was watching. "Jones… Take your damn weights off when you fight."

Yeah, I should probably start doing that. I couldn't do it now though- there was no time to stop and take my weights off in the middle of a match! The dugong jumped for my head again, thinking Zoro's words had distracted me; they hadn't. This time, I met the marine mammal's hammer fist with my foot, relishing my opponent's squeak of surprise as I swung my leg up over my head. Balance and flexibility, my second and third greatest strengths as a fighter. Normally from here I would've dropped into an axe kick, but since the dugong was on top of my foot rather than under it… I kept swinging my foot around and down in an arc, guiding my opponent to the ground. He squawked at me, immediately launching himself into a flying tail kick; I blocked that with my shin as I went for a kick of my own.

Sweat was starting to get under the bandages on my back; my burns stung. A surge of adrenaline mitigated the pain. Needed to move faster, faster… Had to get past the dugong's guard. He came at me head-on, launching a flurry of blows similar to a non-rubber version of Gum-Gum Gatling. And here his momentum gave me an opening- I stepped forty-five degrees to the side rather than trying to block, bringing one hand down on the back of his neck in a heavy chop that worked oh so much better on a dugong than on Zoro. A punch to the ribs, just below the edge of the plastron, made a good follow-up; I added a roundhouse kick on the end for good measure.

Four dugongs down, one to go. I was exhausted-not that I would let anyone see it. Fighting to control my breathing, I grinned. Maybe… I'd thought I would lose this, but maybe I could actually win the challenge. I could almost taste victory at this point. It… It kind of tasted like chicken.

I felt my last opponent before I saw her- and I don't mean in a spontaneously-developing-Kenbunshoku-Haki type of way. A heavy tail kick slammed into my lower back, followed by a rapid series of jabs to pressure points up and down my limbs. I spun to face the final dugong student, only to have my legs give out under me. And my arms… Whatever combination of pressure points this dugong had hit, they made my arms sluggish and weak. I couldn't get a block up in time to stop the spinning tail strike that slammed my head into the ground. Tabarnak… That's what I get for letting myself get cocky for a minute. It wasn't as hard as a Fist of Love, but even with my powers, that one hurt.

Nami gasped; Chopper let out a strangled noise of distress. Right by my head, the dugong I was fighting began a triumphant yell… A yell I cut off by heaving my arms and legs under me and pushing myself up. Surprised brown eyes met my gaze as I pulled my face out of the sand, blowing upwards to clear some of it off my miraculously-unbroken glasses. "I- I may not be anything special by your standards, but don't underestimate me."

"Rawp?" The dugong cocked her head in confusion as I stood up. A quick movement brushed the uncomfortable sand from my front; I settled into a fighting stance and shot my opponent my best determined glare.

"Where I come from, Sensei called me his Little Monster. Compared to what you're used to, I'm not particularly strong or fast… I probably don't seem that tough at all, aside from maybe being decent technique-wise." My glare morphed into a smirk. "Even back home, most people thought my best skill as a fighter was my flexibility, my ability to kick people taller than me in the head. The few who tried throwing me thought it was my balance, honed through ten years of figure skating. But the real reason Sensei called me his Little Monster… was my ability to take a hit!"

I jabbed roughly at the joint where flipper met torso, aiming for where the brachioplexus would be on a human. Not that I knew if it would do anything on a dugong, but still. My opponent deflected and jumped back, eyes narrowing as she re-evaluated my abilities. I panted and shifted my stance.

"It might not be much by this world's standards- I've taken a couple hits here that I think would've killed me without my Devil Fruit, although I've never had a chance to test. But it was something I always prided myself on- my high pain tolerance, durability, and resistance to pressure points." Oh, they still affected me, most of them, but there were a fair few that I could just brush off, and I did tend to recover more quickly that way than a lot of my fellow students. Sometimes it was good to be a freak.

"RAUPA!"

"TAI!"

The dugong and I clashed together, knuckle to knuckle and shin to tail as we both had the same thoughts at once. She swung out of the deadlock, vaulting over and around my leg as she aimed a kick at my stomach. I blocked with a hand, catching her in midair just before she hit me; my fingers sang in muted protest. Tossing my light opponent back, I lunged in for a three-level punch as she flipped through the air. My first two hits landed, but she managed to catch my arm on the third, levering herself into a handstand atop it and swinging inwards for a tail kick to my face. Dugong met jaw with a heavy, wet smack. My opponent dropped to the ground in front of me as I staggered back.

"Rawp raupa!" The dugong's fist sank into my stomach as my hand collided with the side of her head. I coughed and gasped; her eyes spun. My lungs recovered before my opponent's sense of balance. Lunging forwards, I planted a hand on the dugong's shell and took a brief moment to focus. Strike through the target- the first time I'd ever used a focus break on a living opponent. A snap of my wrist sent her flying… But not before she'd recovered enough to twist slightly as she was launched. A heavy tail strike, harder and more painful than any of the preceding ones, slammed into my chin, knocking me over onto my back. A screeching symphony of pain sang down my spine.

My vision went black.

…

Luckily, it didn't stay that way for long. I woke up after a few minutes, groaning on my back while someone waved something smelly in front of my face. And… Pain! My burns were not happy with the position I found myself in. I rolled over onto my stomach as fast as I could manage, wincing at the additional pain of the movement, as well as the feeling of sand getting everywhere. So coarse and rough… Yuck. The pain in my back slowly receded as I took a look around.

Chopper was the one standing over me, a vial of something uncorked in his hoof. It reeked of lavender and peppermint- not unpleasant, but very strong. The reindeer stared down at me with disapproval. "Why?" he groaned in a small voice, not elaborating. One hoof pinned me down as he sniffed at my back to determine if I had reopened anything.

"You could've stopped me if you really wanted to," I pointed out, pushing myself up into a sitting position. Chopper scowled and shook his head.

"By the time I got a chance, the dugongs were prepared to stop me from reaching you! Some sort of stupid honour thing…" The doctor sighed. "Well, at least you don't seem to have done any more damage to your back, yet. But now you're going to want to train, aren't you? And somehow you're going to find a way around me, or someone will keep me from stopping you… Why do you have to be such an idiot?" Corking up his vial, Chopper buried his face in his hooves in despair.

Well, of course I was going to want to train. Yes, I'd expected to lose the kung-fu dugong challenge, but somehow that didn't make it any less embarrassing. Probably because they were so small- appearance-wise, it was like losing to a gang of six-year-olds. And I'd been so close. My pride could handle getting curbstomped by Zoro and Ghin; it could not handle being beaten up by the local wildlife. I spun on my knees to face the dugongs, bowing to them again to show my appreciation for being given the chance to challenge them.

A flipper rested on the back of my head before I could say anything. "Raup. Reep reep, rawp, raup reep raupan."

"He says his name is Doya," Chopper translated, "And that, though it is most unorthodox, he would be honoured to have you as one of his students. You would be the first human in five hundred years to be initiated into the art of Dugong Fu."

"What?!" My head snapped up in surprise. "I- erm- not that I'm not grateful, Sensei Doya, but… Why would you accept me as a student? You said I had to beat five of your disciples."

"You did," came Zoro's low voice. The bosun leapt down from the Going Merry, waving his hand at something off to one side. I looked- and saw my last opponent sitting slumped in the dirt, rubbing her head and plastron as her eyes spun. "Barely, but you did. Simultaneous knockout."

Nami jumped down beside him, Ruatha on her shoulder- although my dragon abandoned the sailing master as soon as her feet hit the sand, scrambling over to me with a keening screech and shoving his muzzle into my hair. Sighing heavily, the navigator planted a hand on her hip. The other rubbed at her temple. "Great- that's all great Jones. Congratulations and all that- but aren't we on a schedule? You can't stick around here while the rest of us go on ahead- you're the one who knows where all the traps and things are!"

Merde. I hadn't thought of that. But yeah, without Smoker around… He'd been kind of a help in canon, hadn't he, with all the Billions and things around Rain Dinners? I seemed to remember something about him leading an evacuation effort somewhere. And even if I was remembering that wrong, it would probably still be better for everyone if I stuck with the crew rather than hanging back. Maudit. I bowed to Doya again.

"Sorry, Sensei Doya. In my eagerness to learn, I forgot I have other responsibilities that I have to fulfill first."

"Rawp reep?" No need for Chopper to translate those questioning squawks and the accompanying frown. Doya was asking what other responsibilities I had. I opened my mouth to answer, but Sanji beat me to it.

"Not likely to mean much to you," the cook began, "But some shitheads are messing up the human kingdom on this island pretty bad. We're headed across the desert to try and kick their shitty asses for Vivi dear, so she and her people don't get hurt." Dropping down from the Going Merry, Sanji passed out packs for the desert journey. Mine had the straps arranged funny so it would hang lower on my back and not chafe at my burns.

Nodding, Doya raised a flipper, asking us to wait a few minutes before we left. He began to confer with the rest of the dugongs in a series of rapid squawks and barks. Shrugging, my crew mates and I prepared for our upcoming hike. Ace and Sabo descended to join us, albeit with some reluctance. Sabo in particular looked concerned.

"Aren't you going to leave someone to guard the Going Merry?"

Luffy paused, glancing from his brother to the ship. Merry bobbed in the water, her mast swaying gently as foam splashed up on her figurehead. My captain smiled. "Nah, Merry'll be fine. She's not alone, anyways. The dugongs'll keep her company."

"How can you be sure?" Sabo wanted to know. The Revolutionary frowned in confusion. Luffy just smiled and shrugged at his brother's question.

"I dunno. I just do."

Sabo opened his mouth to protest that line- or lack- of reasoning, but a scowl from Zoro shut him down. "Not your ship, Blondie, and not your crew. If Luffy says something's alright, then it's fine- he's not smart about a lot of things, but he knows battle and he knows people. If he thinks it's safe to leave the ship here, it's prob'ly safe enough."

"But!"

For once in his life, Sanji backed Zoro up. "Shitty Moss-Head's right. The shitty captain may be an idiot, but some things he just knows. Merry'll be fine. She's a tough little ship, and the sea creatures'll keep her from getting lonely. I know you're not part of our crew, but really… While you're sailing with us, learn to trust your shitty brother, cause he's our shitty captain."

This time when Sabo tried to respond, he barely even got his mouth open before Nami interrupted. "Like it or not, you need to suck it up and listen to your little brother, at least as much as the rest of us. As long as you're sailing on our ship, you're part of the crew."

Defeated- and probably drawing mental comparisons to Koala- Sabo slumped and nodded. Ace patted him on the shoulder. "It could be worse. You only have to listen to him 'til we've fixed up this mess in Alabasta; I have to sail with them 'til Jones gives me the information I want about Blackbeard. That could be months that I have to follow Lu's orders!"

That made Sabo snicker. "Shishishishishi! And you were the one who always swore you'd never have your baby brother for a captain!"

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up." Ace shoved his brother over. Sabo was too busy laughing to catch himself, falling on his ass in the sand.

Zoro shook his head at the brothers. "You know, at first you two seem so mature, but sometimes… Yeah, I can really see how you're Luffy's big brothers." The bosun hitched his pack higher on his shoulder and looked at the rest of us. "So, are we going or what?"

Nodding and bouncing, Luffy ran to the head of the group, then froze when he remembered Nami was the one with the map. That made him scamper back to the sailing master with stars in his eyes. "Yeah! Let's go, let's go!"

"Raup!" Doya interrupted with a loud bark. Before Chopper could translate what he meant, the dugong bounded over and climbed onto my shoulders. Ruatha squawked loudly at the usurping of his position, only for Doya to growl and snap at him. My dragonet whined and hid himself behind the hem of my desert robes. Doya snorted with contempt before barking at me some more while he dangled from my back. I was amazed that he managed to do so without pulling at my burns. "Reep, raupan rawp rawp."

Chopper sighed and picked up his pack. "He says that if you have prior commitments, he'll come with us and train you on the way. But he's a marine mammal and travelling in the desert's hard on him, so part of your training will be carrying him. He says to think of it as strength conditioning." The little reindeer shot me a resigned look as he sighed again. "Jones… Please, at least tell me if anything starts to hurt, even if you don't think it's a big deal. And if it starts to be to much, make Zoro carry Doya."

I reached out to give the doctor's fur an affectionate ruffle. "Don't worry so much Choppy. I'll be fine. Sensei Doya's barely any heavier than Ruatha, and he doesn't have any claws to stick me with." Then, remembering how hard this trek was going to be on the reindeer, I bent down and picked Chopper up in my arms. He and his pack were both fairly light- at least when he was in Brain Point- so it was no big deal. Squawks of protest emerged, but it appeared the reindeer was already used to his medical advice being largely ignored. Excellent; I was preparing him for what would happen when Zoro eventually got a major injury- although at the same time, I hoped such an event would never happen. Still, I doubted I'd be able to prevent it.

Luffy was bouncing again, impatient to be off. This time he grabbed his brothers' hands, swinging between them like some sort of oversized toddler between his parents. "Can we go now? We need to kick Croc's ass!"

No one had any protests, so we started marching out across the desert. Doya's five students waved at us from the shore as we walked, before diving into the water. They surfaced around the Going Merry, examining her hull with awe as one of their number began climbing the anchor chain. That made me smile. At least our ship was in good hands- er, flippers.

I trotted to the fore of the group, keeping pace with Nami as she navigated. Turning to walk backwards, I faced the men. There were some things they needed to know- and just because I had my fair share of ketchup moments didn't mean I was as bad as Vivi for forgetting threats until they appeared. "Okay everyone, quick desert primer. Don't eat the cacti, don't run off ahead if you think you see an oasis, be careful of giant lizards and stuff- although they'll taste good if we get them before they get us- and by Natrimpe's sweet waters, don't let the birds have anyof our supplies!"

Yes, that was my idea of warning my crew mates of the dangers. No, I didn't think I needed to elaborate. And yes, judging by the look on Sabo's face, I could count on at least one of the men to be smart enough to heed my warnings. Nami I wasn't worried about. She had more common sense than the rest of the crew combined. She would be fine.

X

It would've been a three day walk to Alubarna. Vivi wanted to get there as quickly as possible though, to warn her father and root out the moles in the Royal Army before… whatever Team Turtle was supposed to be doing happened. Usopp really didn't get how the princess was trying to plan ahead of something when she didn't even know what that something was, but if it made her feel better… However, the desire to get to Alubarna as quickly as possible left the gunner in an awkward position, his knees trembling as he stared at the obstacle before him.

Namely, the rebels had offered the princess and the pirates use of six of their fastest horses. It would be faster than walking, although not as fast as if everyone had supersonic ducks like Carue. Man, could that poultry move fast. Everyone else was already on horseback, with Lisa riding in front of Ghin while everyone else had their own mounts. They were just waiting for him. Mairead stared down at him from her massive bay stallion.

"Are you coming or what?"

Usopp gulped as he faced his mount, a tawny-gold mare with white mane and tail. She whickered at him, her ears flicking as her tail brushed away flies. Not a threatening picture, as far as horses went, but still… "I, um… Can't you guys go on without me? I can catch up on foot."

That earned him several long, hard stares. It was Yosaku who finally spoke up. "Big Bro… Are you afraid of horses?"

"Or maybe, like, lots of animals?" Johnny added tentatively. When his partner shot him an odd look, the blue hunter shrugged. "What? It makes sense with his weird thing about how Big Sis Jones is with animals."

"I'm not afraid of all animals!" Usopp squawked defensively. He was tempted to chuck something at the hunters, but he didn't really have anything good to throw. "I'm not scared of Chopper! Or Ruatha!"

No one said a word, but everyone was staring at him. Usopp sighed and hung his head. He should've come up with something else to say, some story, but he'd been so surprised… "I- Um- Look, there weren't a lot of animals where I come from. Just cats, dogs, chickens, and sheep, really. So yeah, I'm a little weirded out by all these new guys- not scared!" The gunner snapped his head up to scowl at the hunters.

The flat looks everyone sent his way told him no one believed him. Gritting his teeth, Usopp grabbed the saddle horn and hauled himself up onto his mare's back. She was a calm, steady horse, hardly batting an eye at his clumsy movements- but even so, the gunner nearly fell off twice before he got in position, and felt incredibly unstable once he was. It was worse than sitting on the yardarm in a windstorm. At least when he did that, he knew the yard wouldn't bite or kick him if he fell off. Gingerly picking up the reins, Usopp nudged the mare's flanks with his heels.

"Um… Mush?"

"That's for dogs, idiot." Jack shot Usopp a haughty look before circling his white mare around the gunner's golden one. "Watch and learn." The wannabe prince clicked his tongue a couple of times as he turned his horse in the direction they were meant to be going. Hooves flinging up sand, the white mare obligingly began to trot off into the desert. Carue and the other horses soon followed her.

"Okay then…" Usopp patted his horse tentatively on the side of the neck. "Good girl… Nice girl… Let's follow the others, okay?" He tried to imitate the clucking noise Jack had made. His mare flicked one ear in his direction and huffed, but moved off after the rest of the party.

Movement which Usopp immediately regretted. He bounced uncomfortably on the horse's back as she trotted along, like he was a sack of potatoes someone had thrown into the saddle. And the most embarrassing part was that no one else seemed to be having the same problem- not even Ghin, who couldn't have had any more experience with horses than Usopp himself. The gunner pouted. It just wasn't fair.

Oh well, it could be worse. He could be on Team Turtle. Going directly into the heart of Crocodile's territory with Luffy and Jones? That was just asking for trouble. Usopp shuddered even thinking about it, his sudden motion making him fall off his horse. He landed on his ass in the sand with a dull thud.

"Ow!" Okay, it didn't really hurt much, other than his pride. But that really hurt- the mare hadn't even stopped walking! She didn't know he'd fallen off! The gunner scrambled to his feet and took off after his mount. "Oi! Wait up! You forgot something!"

It took him about two minutes to catch up and get the mare to stop. She stared at him with dull eyes as he scrambled back into the saddle, this time making sure to get his feet firmly in the stirrups. Although… He still didn't know what to do with the reins. Clucking awkwardly, the gunner once again nudged his horse to follow the rest of the party. She blinked slowly before shaking her head and resuming her trot across the desert.

X

Walking across the desert while carrying a reindeer and a dugong- plus what amounted to two packs, however small they may have been- was no picnic. I was tired, hot, and irritable by the end of the first day, which didn't make me a particularly eager student once Team Turtle started setting up camp. Well- I say setting up camp, but really we just unrolled our bedrolls on a rocky ledge in the shadow of a cliff. Chopper immediately lay down, eyes drooping. Even if he hadn't been walking, the heat took the highest toll on him of anyone. I didn't envy his thick fur here.

Sanji immediately began setting up to cook. Before he could gather any kindling though, Zoro stopped him with a sly look. "Just have Ace do it- he's the one with fire powers."

"Wha-? Oh yeah. Guess even a stopped clock is right twice a day, eh Mossball?" Sanji grabbed Ace by the arm and shoved the freckled pirate into the ring of stones he'd been making. Luffy's eldest brother squawked and flailed, but allowed himself to be manhandled.

"Oi! What're you doing?!"

"Just sit still and light up. Easier than looking for kindling in this shitty desert."

Doya jumped up and grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him rather than my crew mates. "Raup. Reep reep." Without waiting for Chopper to translate, the dugong sensei took my hand and pulled me around the cliffs, out of sight of the others. I bit back a groan. I was not in the mood for training right now.

But it needed to be done. Once Doya had chosen the place, I waited patiently and watched. Without Chopper with us to translate, I could only rely on my eyes. Which… Immediately showed me Doya performing an unfamiliar kata. With some stances that were physically impossible for anyone who didn't have a tail. Huh. Well, I'd just have to use whatever felt right then. As I watched, I noticed the five styles of the students I'd fought, blended seamlessly together into one. I started to perk up with interest. And it certainly helped that the air was cooling off as the sun went down.

Once I'd seen the kata once, I had some idea how things worked. When Doya started performing it a second time, more slowly, I stepped in beside him. It was… hard. Figuring out stances that worked was a new experience, and angles were never my strong point, even when I could see the correct footwork. Not to mention the way my burns were pulling during some of the more acrobatic portions, shooting stinging lances down my spine; the painkillers were starting to wear off. I pushed that to the back of my mind as best I could, trying to force myself to relax and focus on the movements, with mixed results. While I can focus through just about anything, relaxing… Yeah, that's never been my strong suit.

Doya took me through the dugong kata several times. Then, eventually, he stood off to one side and motioned for me to show him how much I remembered. He grunted at the stances I was using to replace his tail stances, but I couldn't tell if it was a grunt of approval or not. Then, about a fifth of the way through the kata, he suddenly stopped me with a shake of his head. It was during the flying tackle sequence. I froze, not sure what I was doing wrong. Doya opened his mouth, then closed it with a frown. He thought hard for a moment, trying to figure out how to get his point across without Chopper to translate. Then…

"RAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUPAAAAAAAAAN!" My diminutive teacher performed one of the flying tackles with a mighty roar, launching himself into my knees. Realization hit me as hard as he did; there was supposed to be a kiai there! I started from the beginning, performing the kata again. And when I got to the flying tackle sequence…

"TAI!"

Doya's muzzle twitched; this time he stopped me by jumping up and swatting me before shaking his head in disapproval. I froze again, not understanding. Facepalming- or, well, face-flippering- Doya grabbed one of my sais. Bouncing to the edge of the rocks, he began using the weapon to draw in the sand. Double helix, foot, two hockey sticks, and… a rectangle with horns sticking out of the left side? The images were vaguely familiar, but… "Sorry, I can't read hieroglyphics."

Growling, Doya rubbed his temples. Then, in quick succession, he mimed kicking something with his tail and swatting something out of the air. I shook my head, still not understanding. Doya began drawing something in the sand again, grumbling in his dugong language. This time, though, it wasn't hieroglyphs. It was… a chessboard? Followed by a soccer ball, a bicycle, and stick people performing various tasks like running, jumping, and swimming. The last image was five interconnected rings. Wha-? Oh. I was starting to see a pattern here. Sports, but not entirely… "That technique is called Game?"

"RAUPA!" Doya nodded vigorously. Then he roared at me again. "RAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUPAAAAAAN!"

"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaame?" I wasn't sure why it seemed so important to draw the word out, but Doya was nodding again, so I didn't question it. Instead, I started going through the kata again, letting out the most ridiculous kiai of my life when I got to the tackle sequence. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAME!"

"Raupa!" Doya motioned for me to continue, although that didn't last long. A few more techniques passed and he stopped me again. I paused and stared at him. Sighing, my dugong sensei began the whole thing again, drawing in the sand and miming activities that I didn't quite understand.

What I eventually got out of it, after going through the kata and repeating the whole pantomime several times, was that there were five named techniques commonly used in Dugong Fu. Once I knew them, Doya sat back against a rock with a contented look, motioning for me to continue going through the kata. So I did, over and over, until Sanji's voice rang out over the desert.

"Hey Jones! Dinner's ready! You and the turtle seal better get over here before the shitty captain and his shitty brothers eat it all!"

Picking up Doya, I raced around the rocks to rejoin my crew mates- only to stop dead in my tracks, flinching against my will. Why? I wasn't entirely sure myself. Something about the sight of Ace sitting in the fire pit, glowing orange with flames leaping off his head and shoulders, made chills run through my body. My throat went dry; I twitched, accidentally dropping Doya. Everyone turned to stare at me when they heard the thumping noise that accompanied his descent.

"Jones?" Nami waved a hand in front of my face, frowning. "Jones, what's wrong?"

"Are you hurt?!" Chopper demanded, leaping to his feet. He was much more energetic now that the sun had gone down. "Dammit, I shouldn't have let you train! Why can't I say no when you look so excited?!"

The reindeer was halfway to me before I could shake my head, probably planning on pinning me down and wrapping me up like a mummy. He froze at my denial. "N-no Choppy. I'm not hurt. Sorry; I don't know what came over me."

Shaking my head again to clear it, I moved in to grab some food while there was still dinner to be had. Except… It wasn't vanishing as quickly as usual. Rather than initiating an all-out war for food, Luffy was watching me with sharp eyes. He seemed especially interested when I chose to position myself on a rock at the edge of the ring of firelight, further away than I'd sat at meals even when the crew first pulled me out of the water. Then he glanced at Ace, and his face lit up with realization.

"Oh! Oh. I know what's wrong!" Setting his plate on a rock beside Zoro- who nodded to indicate that he would guard it from creeping hands- Luffy got up and approached me. My captain took my hand before I could start eating, pulling just hard enough that I was forced to get up and go with him. There was a soft look on his face. Everyone else looked at us in confusion.

"Jones is afraid of fire cause Ace burned her," Luffy explained. "She just won't admit it cause she's afraid of needing help too. Which is silly, but we'll work on that later. But Jones… You don't need to be scared. Look."

Without warning, my captain took the hand he was holding and plunged both our fingers into the flames rising off of Ace. I yelped in surprise and tried to pull back, but Luffy was too strong. Ace yelped too, his eyes going wide- but then he stopped halfway, apparently realizing what Luffy was doing. Which, whatever it was, I still didn't. Panic kicked in; I started pulling harder against my captain's grip on my hand. Of course, that only served to hurt my arm as Luffy stubbornly held me in place.

It took several long seconds for me to realize something important. Ace's flames weren't burning us. That realization made me freeze in shock, staring at my hand to make sure I wasn't imagining things. No pain… The fire was barely even warm. All I really felt was rough rubber against my skin where Luffy's fingers were intertwined with mine. My panic calmed, heartrate going down as I realized nothing was happening. Luffy grinned.

"Shishishishi! See Jones? There's no reason to be afraid of Ace. He won't burn you again, not ever." My captain looked at his brothers, at Ace sitting quietly in the firepit and Sabo sitting off to one side. The Revolutionary was frozen halfway through a bite of his dinner, his fork dangling from his mouth as he watched the proceedings. "My crew are my family, which means they're Ace and Sabo's family too. And Ace would never burn his family, right?"

The freckled pirate nodded mutely, a solemn look on his face. His fire slowly died down; once the flames had vanished, Luffy released my hand and allowed me to pull it back. I examined it closely. There was no sign that I'd been anywhere near a fire- my skin wasn't even red!

"Amazing," I breathed. Never in canon had anything like that been shown, or at least, not that I could remember. Although I think there were a couple fanfics that theorized about logias having that level of control.

Sabo was the first of the brothers to recover, swallowing his food with a grin. "So, we've got a bunch of new little brothers and sisters, ne? And… Whatever Ghin is. This should be interesting."

"Um, actually…"

Luffy interrupted me before I could get any further, staring at Sabo as if the Revolutionary had just said the dumbest thing in living memory. "Uh, Sabo… Jones is twenty-four."

"WHAT?!" The Revolutionary toppled backwards off his rock. Only quick reflexes on Sanji's part kept Sabo's food from being scattered all over the campsite. The cook huffed and scowled at the near-waste.

And Ace wasn't much better than his brother. The freckled pirate's jaw dropped, his eyes bulging out. "Wha-? Wow. I mean, I knew from your story that you had to be at least my age, but shit… You look younger than Lu. I thought you'd just turned twenty or some shit."

"Nope." I smiled sheepishly as Luffy's older brothers recovered from their shock. "Sorry…"

"Shishishishi!" My captain found his brothers' reactions hilarious- probably why he'd jumped in and told them before I could. "Yep! So you've got a bunch of new little brothers and sisters, some older brothers- Johnny and Yosaku are about Jones' age, and Ghin's… Ghin- and one big sister!"

Getting to his feet, Ace smirked down at me. "Well, I wouldn't exactly call her big."

I frowned up at the big brother I'd always wished I had- who was now, via Luffy logic, my little brother. Man, these timelines were confusing. Rolling my eyes, I snorted at Ace. "Short jokes? Really? I'm not that little."

"Oh really?" Ace's response was to lean in and start using my head as an armrest. Too close, too close! "Cause you're even shorter than Lu, Sis. Not by much, but…" Ace's teasing grin made me want to punch him, so I did. My fist passed harmlessly through fire; when Ace's face reformed, the grin was still in place.

Clearing his throat, Sanji stepped in. The cook swung a foot through Ace's arm, allowing me to escape as the freckled pirate reformed. "That's enough. Everyone sit down and eat before it gets cold."

Ace turned his teasing grin on Sanji. "Aw, what's the matter Li'l Bro? You know I can always heat things up again, right?"

"Don't call me that."

Sanji glared at Ace, like he was trying to bore a hole in the freckled pirate's head using his mind. Ace immediately dropped his teasing grin, holding up his hands. "Okay. Sorry; didn't know it'd strike a nerve."

"Of course not," Sanji huffed and went back to his dinner. "How could you? I never tell anyone. It's a shitty story, not one I like to think about."

No one pushed. The cook sounded angry. I winced in sympathy- I had a pretty good idea which memories Ace had brought up. Nami sat down beside him and ate her dinner in silence; for once, Sanji didn't go all sing-song and noodle-like at her presence. Everyone else started eating quietly- all except Sabo, who pointed his fork accusingly at Ace.

"Hold on a second! Did you say you knew Jones' story?"

"Yep." The freckled pirate smirked at his blond brother. "She told me last night."

"Including…?"

"How she knows everything? Yep. Afraid I can't tell you though."

Sabo bit his fork and whined. "Why? I'm the one she reports to- I should be the one to know!"

"Sorry Sabo." Ace's smirk broadened. He finished his food and lay back on his bedroll, tilting his hat forwards over his face. "Apparently I'm her favourite."

"WHAT?! That's not fair!" The Revolutionary pouted at me, eyes wide. Heheheh… Sorry Sabo- you're not the master of the puppy dog face your little brother is. I turned my attention back to my dinner with a snort of laughter as Sabo let out a wordless whine.

Tired as I was, I fell into my bedroll not long after Ace. And yes, I mean I literally fell, collapsing onto my stomach with a groan as the painkillers finally wore off and my body became one massive ache. Although… At least the training ache from fighting dugongs and working unfamiliar kata muted the stinging from the burns. I probably should've told Chopper that things were starting to hurt, but I was just too tired. All I wanted to do was sleep. So, despite the pain and my uncomfortable position, that's exactly what I did- hugged the nearest rock, tried to pretend it was a pillow, and drifted off to a confusing technicolour dreamland.

X

Vivi frowned as Team Mushroom- and no, she still couldn't get over Nami of all people choosing such a ridiculous name- approached Alubarna. Mostly because there were guards on the walls. There were never guards on the walls of the city proper; they were only supposed to be posted at the castle itself! But… Her father was still prepared for war, and the presence of Baroque Works agents in the Royal Army probably didn't help. Well, they would just have to get that cleared up as quickly as possible.

The princess leaned lower over her duck's neck, drawing strength from Carue's warm feathers. Behind her, six sets of hooves thundered against sand. Right. She wasn't alone. That made this much easier.

A voice called out from above as the duck and horses changed from trotting across the desert to bounding up stone steps. Two guards had come down from the wall proper, standing at the top of the stairs with their khopeshes drawn and crossed. Although Vivi wasn't sure how well two men would've been able to stand up had Team Mushroom made any attempt at a cavalry charge. "Halt, in the name of the king! Who goes there?"

"My name is Nefertari Vivi, daughter of Nefertari Cobra, Son of the Sun and your reigning king!" Vivi didn't slow Carue at all as he ran up the stairs. The guards would move; they had to. "My friends and I have urgent news for my father- we must be allowed to pass!"

"Your highness!" The guards jumped out of the way as if someone had burnt their feet. They even saluted as Team Mushroom trotted by. Well, at least she knew those two weren't traitors. Vivi memorized their faces in case she needed to vouch for them later on.

Jack whistled as the group rode into the city. "That's it, Baby! That there's why I always wanted to be a prince! When royalty needs something done, it gets done!"

"There's more to it than that!" Vivi snapped over her shoulder, sending a vicious glare at her former partner. So much more… Many things that she still needed practice at, or hadn't learned at all… But she was doing her best. That had to count for something, right? Jack fell silent at her words, looking properly contrite.

It was a straight shot to the palace now- Alubarna's gate roads were like the spokes of a wheel. Had they not already been riding all through the morning and for most of the previous day, Vivi might've spurred Carue to a sprint to get home all the faster. That said, he and the horses were too tired for that. They would get there soon enough.

People stopped in the streets to stare as Team Mushroom rode past- that is, those who didn't scramble to get out of the way. Vivi saw housewives peeking out of their windows with interest. She smiled. It looked like she and her pirate friends were going to be the subject of the next week's gossip. Probably the next month's, if they succeeded in taking down Crocodile.

…

No. Not if. When. They had to succeed. Vivi couldn't let herself consider any other option.

A soft puffing noise was her only warning- but it was one Vivi had been trained to listen for since she was a small child. The huff of a reed blowgun. The princess flung herself off Carue's back just fast enough for the dart to stick in her robes rather than her leg. Rolling to her feet, she stared around desperately, drawing her Peacock Slashers out and setting one of them spinning. The rest of Team Mushroom clattered to a halt around her, confusion on their faces.

"What?" Mairead asked. "Why're we stopping? I thought we needed to get to your father fast."

"Assassin." Vivi pulled the dart from her clothes and showed it to her companions. While the pirates didn't show much reaction, Jack, Mairead, and Lisa drew in sharp breaths. The little painter's eyes narrowed.

"Ten and Tuesday," Lisa said flatly.

Her words were followed by slow applause. A tall, lanky man with spiny copper hair flipped off a nearby balcony, landing near Team Mushroom with a puff of dust. A cropped blue jacket- worn open- revealed an acrobat's musculature, with star-spangled jeans barely holding onto thin hips by virtue of a battered leather belt. He spun a reed pipe in one hand, eventually pulling a dart from under the ratty headband he wore. "Well, well, well, I guess Mr Three wasn't the only brain in that pair, now was he?"

"Now, now, play nice." Down from a rooftop dropped a woman dressed mostly in black. Between a huge yellow scarf and her pointed, oversized hood- topped with three plumes- little could be seen of her face. Pale green hair cascaded around the hilt of a falchion strapped across her back. "A little girl like that wouldn't have made officer rank if she were dumb, after all."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Mr Ten slipped a dart into his pipe. "Look, Wednesday, Monday, Nine, Goldenweek… It's nothing personal, but we've gotta kill you now. Can't let you go spilling the beans to your daddy about who the boss is."

He fired the dart with a puff of breath. Vivi jumped out of the way, her robes whirling around her… But the dart never even connected with where she had been. There was a sharp tic as something knocked it out of the air; when Vivi looked back, she saw Usopp holding his slingshot by his head. A pachinko ball shone beside the fallen dart on the street. The gunner was vibrating with nerves… but also looked like he was about to burst out laughing.

Usopp glanced around the group. "Eheheheh… Um, since Jones isn't here, does anyone mind if I take over her role for a bit? I just- just had a thought."

Thoroughly confused, Vivi shook her head. The gunner apparently took that as permission. Stilling his shaking limbs and dropping his weapon to his side, Usopp covered his eyes with one hand as he burst out laughing. "Mwahahahahah! Oh my God, you guys are so stupid!"

"What?" Mr Ten and Miss Tuesday both paused to stare at the laughing pirate. And his own allies weren't much better. Since when did Usopp have the courage to laugh at an enemy like that? Vivi couldn't remember him ever doing it before.

"I mean, you're Baroque Works and you're frontier agents, so I guess you're used to thinking of yourselves as pretty hot stuff, but really? Who sends two people to assassinate four people who rank higher than them, plus however many friends those four people've made?" Usopp was in stitches now, barely able to breath.

"Who says we're the only two here?" Miss Tuesday snapped defensively. The Straw Hat gunner paused in his laughter to look her straight in the eye.

"Please. Don't try that on me. I'm the master of that bluff." Face morphing into a broad grin, Usopp began to wave at something behind the Baroque Works agents. Which… Vivi frowned. There was nothing there. That didn't seem to dissuade him though.

"Hey! Luffy! Zoro! Sanji! You got here faster than I thought! Crocodile wasn't that tough after all, huh?"

Mr Ten and Miss Tuesday yelped and spun around, staring in confusion at the empty street. Whirling back, the pair glared bloody daggers of murder at Usopp's snickering form. Tuesday roared and drew her falchion, leaping towards the gunner. "You'll pay for that, you little-!"

The swordswoman froze, her face going ashen. And her partner wasn't much better off. Mr Ten spoke in a small, quiet voice as he realized something important. "I- You- Mr Zero is Crocodile?"

"Yep." Usopp grinned maliciously. For a moment, the hostile agents were stunned. Then their eyes started to glow red.

"No witnesses," Miss Tuesday muttered in a hoarse, deranged voice. "If we don't leave any witnesses, he won't know we know. Then he'll have no reason to kill us!" She resumed swinging her falchion at Usopp. The gunner squeaked, tumbling off his horse as the blade whizzed over his head.

"Don't worry Big Bro!" Yosaku shouted, fiddling with something on his tank-like pack. "We've got your back! Acid Rain!"

"HIIEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

A jet of pale, yellowish fluid burst from the nozzle of Yosaku's… It was a weapon. It looked silly and Vivi had no idea what to call the device really, but it was definitely meant for military application. Case in point- Tuesday's screams. Whatever liquid Yosaku had hit her with was causing her hands to steam and blister, terrible burns forming in a matter of seconds, forcing the agent to drop her falchion. Her clothes charred wherever they'd been splashed, spontaneous holes forming as the liquid ate through the cotton. Johnny winced at the destruction.

"I think you might've got the concentration too high Bro."

"Yeah, probably…" Yosaku shook his head. "How 'bout yours? How's it work?"

"Dunno. Let's find out." Johnny turned to fire his tank pack at Mr Ten, preventing the agent from getting another blow dart off. "Base Drops!"

The blue hunter's jet had much less splatter, and was whitish rather than yellow. But the effects were similar. Mr Ten was forced to drop his weapon as harsh, red, steaming burns rose on his arms and chest. "GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Huh. Looks like I've got the concentration a bit high too. Glad we didn't test that out on the Merry, huh Bro?" Johnny stared at the nozzle of his weapon, shaking his head.

"Yep." Yosaku glanced down at the injured agents with a wince. "You two might wanna get to a fountain or something soon, yeah? That stuff only burns more the longer it touches you."

"You…" Miss Tuesday growled. She snapped her head up sharply to glare at the hunters, revealing mismatched eyes- one brown, one yellow- as her hood flew back. "I'M goING to KIll YoU!"

"AI! ACID RAIN!"

"EEP! BASE DROPS!" Johnny and Yosaku fired in unison this time, blasting Tuesday's legs and chest as she jumped at them. This time the agent went down properly, writhing and screeching as her clothes dissolved and her skin burned. The hunters stared wide-eyed at their work.

"Okay," Johnny said, his voice small, "I don't think we should dilute 'em anymore Bro. Might not be useful in a fight. But that looks nasty. Why'd we think these were a good idea again?"

"Cause not everyone we're gonna face is human anymore, and we wanted something that might work against all kinds of crazy Devil Fruits." Yosaku's face was white as chalk. "Maybe… We should probably try and save 'em for those kind of opponents, yeah?"

"Agreed."

Tears in his eyes, Mr Ten stared up at the hunters. He kept trying to make words, but nothing was coming out. Yosaku shot the agent a soft look. "You and your partner should really get to some water Bro. Wash everything for at least ten minutes- longer, if you can."

Ten nodded mutely. Grabbing hold of Tuesday- and wincing as he did so- the lanky agent dragged his partner off towards the nearest fountain. Vivi hoped the… whatever-it-was that they had to wash off didn't contaminate the water. Her people drank that. But at the same time, risky or no, she couldn't begrudge the two burnt agents. Those marks looked almost as painful as what Ace had done to Jones the other day.

"Where did you even get the idea for weapons like that?" the princess asked the hunters as Team Mushroom got moving again. They looked at each other and flinched.

"Well, you know how Big Sis has…" Johnny trailed off and motioned at his face. "We- we were there when it happened, and we figured a weapon that did something similar would be a great way to make bad guys think twice."

"But we didn't expect them to be quite this strong," Yosaku added. "We hadn't had a good way of testing anything on the ship. What if we'd damaged something important?"

Nodding, Vivi let the subject drop. She and Usopp mounted up again, then Team Mushroom resumed heading for the palace. It didn't take them long to get there, and when they did, they were challenged just as they had been at the city gate.

"Halt, in the name of the king! Who goes there?!" This time the guards were at least a bit smarter, with half a dozen foot soldiers on the ground with khopeshes, and a number of archers ready on the walls.

"My name is Nefertari Vivi, daughter of Nefertari Cobra, Son of the Sun and your reigning king! My friends and I have urgent news for my father- we must be allowed to pass!" Please Sekhmet, don't let any of these guards be moles or traitors. Especially not the archers. Vivi's prayer appeared to be answered; not a single arrow flew, and the foot soldiers drew back and salutes as the princess and the pirates rode into the courtyard. Stable boys came running to tend to Carue and the horses.

Vivi stormed up into the castle proper without waiting for her companions, her robes billowing around her. Not that she needed to worry; everyone, eve Lisa, was immediately behind her. Or, well, around her. Ghin moved to the head of the company as they approached the great doors to the throne room. And looking back on it, Vivi had to admit that there was no way she could've thrown them open as dramatically as the Straw Hat rigger.

THWAM!

Nefertari Cobra paused in the middle of a meeting with his ministers, rising from his throne with a stormy look on his face. "Who are you? What is the meaning of thi-?"

"Father!" Vivi ran forwards to hug her father. Oh… She'd missed him so much these last few years. Cobra's eyes softened as he wrapped his arms around his daughter.

"Vi- Vivi? You're back! Isis be praised, you're safe. I was so worried."

As much as she wanted to just stay there in her father's arms forever, she couldn't. Vivi pushed back out of the embrace, although she still held Cobra's hands tightly in her own. "Father… My friends and I need to speak with you. Alone. Or, well, Chaka and Pell can be here, but no one else."

Something in her voice must've convinced him. Cobra nodded, dismissing his ministers with a wave of his hand. There was some grumbling from the crotchety old men, but… Vivi's father was still the king. He didn't like to exercise absolute authority often, but on the rare occasions he did, it was his right. A few moments later, Chaka and Pell entered the room; one of the ministers must've sent for them. That, or they were eavesdropping again. Vivi wouldn't have put it past them, and she knew Pell knew the special listening hollow in the ceiling.

Looking around to make sure there was no one hiding behind the tapestries, Cobra removed his hands from his daughter's grip and placed them on her shoulders. "Alright, it's just us now Dear. What's wrong? You look terrified."

Vivi felt tears stinging her eyes as the stress of everything caught up with her. She wiped at them with one hand. "Father, you're making a huge mistake. The rebels- you can't fight them. I've managed to speak with Kohza, to talk him down… This whole war was orchestrated by Crocodile. He has an organization called Baroque Works that's been doing terrible things- one of the officers impersonated you, spreading horrible rumours. But I've fixed things with Kohza, made him see, so the rebels won't fight. When they come, it'll be to surrender."

"That's wonderful news Dear." Her father rubbed her back soothingly, a small frown playing on his face. "Although- Crocodile. I can't believe he'd do something like that. Are you sure?"

Before Vivi could answer, Jack and Mairead stepped up. The muscular woman bowed with more grace than the princess had ever expected of her- although it took the pressure of a massive hand on the back of his head to get Jack to do the same. "We can confirm her story, your majesty. We used to be members of Baroque Works, as did Lisa." Mairead waved a hand at the tiny painter, who nodded from her place at Ghin's side.

Cobra's face went hard. "I see… In that case, rather than fighting Kohza's men, I should take the Royal Army out and arrest Crocodile immediately."

"No!" Vivi shook her head. "No Father, you can't do that either. Members of Baroque Works have infiltrated the army; if you do something like that, I don't know what they'll do- cause chaos among the ranks, maybe even attack you directly. We- we need to root them out before we can do anything."

Once again, Jack, Mairead, and Lisa nodded in confirmation of Vivi's words. Cobra looked at them all and sighed. "Alright. Chaka, Pell, begin investigations immediately."

"Of course, your majesty." Pell bowed. "But… Investigating the entire army will take weeks- what if something should happen in that time?"

"We'll call up the rese- wait, no, they were probably infiltrated too." Cobra sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I'm afraid I don't know, old friend."

Usopp hummed. "Couldn't- couldn't we do something with Lisa's paints again? I mean, there's nowhere to set up a bucket trap, but… Actually, never mind. It was a stupid idea." The gunner rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

Ghin frowned. "No. No, it wasn't. Lisa, what are the limits of your paints? Do they have to be on a person, or will paining the symbol on the ground and having someone stand on it have the same effect?"

The little painter nodded. "It should still work if they just stand on it, yeah. That wouldn't have worked in the desert though; sand moves too much. But I'm all out of paint right now…"

Cobra frowned in confusion. "I don't know what you could possibly need paint for, but we can supply you from the palace maintenance stores. Any colour you need."

"Even turquoise?"

"Of course."

Lisa's face lit up. "And do you have a large, open area with solid ground? Somewhere you could fit a lot of men at once?"

Chaka shot the little girl a puzzled look. "Of course. The training yard- it wouldn't fit the whole army at once, but a couple of units at a time can drill there."

Vivi felt a grin creeping across her face. A small part of her was horrified that she suddenly seemed to be emulating either Jones' mad expression, or Luffy's reckless glee- and even more horrified to realize she couldn't tell which. But she ignored that for now. "Father, give Lisa an hour or two to work. Then we'll need to get every unit in the army through the training yard, one at a time. Trust me, it's much faster than doing a traditional investigation."

"Are you sure?" The doubt in her father's voice hurt Vivi a little. He was still used to seeing her as his baby girl… But she was more than that now. She had to be. The princess nodded.

"Of course. We've done this before. It's a little weird, but it works."

X

"Nine million, sixteen thousand, five hundred and twelve bottles of beer on the ball; nine million, sixteen thousand, five hundred and twelve bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around- nine million, sixteen thousand, five hundred and eleven bottles of beer on the wall!"

"Someone make her shut up." Zoro groaned as I sang. Well, if you can call it singing. I'm pretty sure most of my companions would've escribed it more as raspy caterwauling. Ruatha, Doya, and Chopper had covered their ears long ago.

Nami obligingly swatted me over the head with her Clima-Tact. Sparks crackled around me; my hair started smoking. I flinched, my muscles going stiff-although at least I didn't fall over this time. Smiling sheepishly at my crew mates, I tilted my head down so my hat hid my eyes.

"Sorry."

To be fair though, I was bored. bored! We'd been walking across the desert for two days, with nothing happening. Without Vivi, there hadn't been any real reaction to Erumalu- it was just a set of sandy ruins that we had to walk through. No one questioned them. And Sabo kept Luffy under control, so there was no running off after mirages, or offering our supplies to birds, or drinking hallucinogenic cactus water. Yes, we got attacked by a Sandora dragon at one point, but Zoro and Sanji took the great purple lizard out before Ace could even offer to roast it.

And no, despite being called dragons, there was no relation to Ruatha. I checked.

But back to the point- I was overheated and bored out of my skull. In this case, at least, Luffy was right. Knowing so much and warning everyone made things dull. I would've welcomed some of the filler from the anime at this point- sand pirates, bandits, bounty hunters, anything- just for something to do. But no, for once my writer had decided to stick to manga canon. Except, since I'd warned everyone about the dangers, all the exciting bits of canon weren't happening.

I groaned. Bleh… A quick poke to Chopper and Ruatha's heads let them know I was no longer singing; I didn't poke Doya- both out of respect and because I couldn't reach- but he still got the message. Then… "I spy with my little eye, something that is green."

"Too easy," Nami snorted. I started, surprised that the sailing master would join in the game. Maybe she was bored too. "Zoro. I spy with my little eye, something that is blue."

"Still easy," Ace chuckled. "Sabo's coat."

"Wrong!" Nami almost sang her answer. "Sanji's eyes."

"Aw!" The cook started dancing like a noodle despite the heat. "Your eyes are lovely too Nami dear!"

"That's not what I said." The sailing master rolled her eyes affectionately. Her words did nothing to stop Sanji's gushing.

"My turn, my turn!" Luffy interrupted, although since no one got hers, Nami really should've gone again. Still, everyone indulged the captain with a smile as he bounced between his brothers. "I spy with my little eye, something that's white and gold!"

"You're supposed to pick one colour Lu," Ace said with a roll of his eyes. Sabo chuckled.

"Aw, just let him be. Is it the sand?"

"Nope, nope, nope!" Luffy beamed and waited for other people to guess.

"Is it Jones' hair?"

"Ruatha?"

"Is it the sky? The sun and clouds?"

"The sand?"

"Sabo's hair?"

"All wrong!" Still bouncing, Luffy waved at something on the horizon. "It's that- I dunno what that is. Um…"

Merde. What my esteemed captain was pointing at- it was a sandstorm. And yes, I did remember there being one somewhere during this arc, but… Well, like several things I'd seen along my journey, it wasn't something I could've prepared for no matter what I'd seen on page and screen. Even as far away as we were, the swirling sand towered high, dwarfing any cliffs that could've risen up from the sand. There was a tremendous roar emanating from the storm, and a musty scent on the wind. As far as gigantic sandstorms go, it looked unusually well-contained, with crisp, sharp edges. Well, that was to be expected, probably, if Crocodile was… If Crocodile was controlling it. Right… We were fighting a sand logia in a desert.

Through the haze of sand at the base of the storm, I caught occasional glimpses of worn, whitish buildings. At the same moment, Nami looked at her map and hissed. "Guys, we can't go around it- that storm's right on top of Yuba. We'll just have to wait it out."

Luffy pouted. "Aww… But Nami, can't your new stick control the weather?"

"Not that much!" Nami whacked the captain with her Clima-Tact. Unlike when she hit me, there was no sparking or frying. "That's a full-on sandstorm! To nullify that, I'd have to play with temperature, humidity, air pressure, and static electricity over a span of kilometers!"

"Oh…" Luffy blinked in confusion. "So… You're saying you can't get rid of the sandstorm?"

"OF COURSE NOT! IT'S TOO BIG!"

"Okay, okay, don't yell at me." The captain rubbed his ears. His brothers chuckled.

As it was, though, we didn't need to worry about the sandstorm. It died down slowly as we approached and the sun rode low on the horizon. By the time we got close to Yuba, there was practically no wind at all, though everything still smelled musty and was covered in a fine layer of dust. And with the lack of wind, the little oasis town was eerily silent. Each footstep crunched loudly against dusty stone. I winced unintentionally; even though we weren't trying to sneak up on anyone, making so much noise in such a quiet place felt wrong. Like we were disturbing something.

Zoro stared around, one hand resting on his swords. He looked like he expected to be attacked at any minute. "So, Jones, you said there's something we need here? Where is it?"

"Main square." I put Chopper down; it was getting cool enough for him to walk on his own now. The reindeer popped into Walk Point and trotted along beside me. Ruatha immediately scrambled up into my arms, whining. Well, I had been making him walk all the time. He was probably tired.

As we got closer to the center of down, a soft, rhythmic noise filled the air. Shink, thump, shink, thump, shink, thump. A sound I knew well- someone shoveling gravel and coarse sand. No words accompanied it, no grumbling or whispering. If I hadn't known what was going on, I might've thought the town was haunted. There were no other signs of life. My crew mates, and even Luffy's brothers, acted steadily more paranoid as we walked, while I was totally calm. It was an interesting inversion of social situations.

Soon enough, we emerged into the main square- Yuba wasn't exactly a large town. When we got there, Toto had his back to us. He stood knee-deep in a hole, with a small pile of sand and gravel beside him. The old man wasn't panting as he dug, was barely moving; he'd probably done this so many times that it had become routine by now. Zoro stopped walking at the sight, turning to scowl at me.

"We came all this way to find a lonely old man with a shovel?"

"Not exactly."

"Ah!" Toto jumped out of his hole, spinning around at the sound of our voices. He pointed his shovel at Zoro- and then at me, Sanji, Ace, Sabo, and Luffy in turn. Nami and Chopper were ignored, probably because they looked least threatening. "Who are you?! Why are you here?!"

I put Ruatha down and raised my hands, drawing Toto's attention back to myself. "It's okay; we're not here to hurt you. We're friends of Vivi's; she sent us to check on you."

"But- Ow!" I kicked Luffy in the leg to shut him up before he could give me away. Although… I wasn't sure who was more surprised- Luffy, that I kicked him, or me, that my kick actually did anything to him.

"The princess? She's dead. Who are you really?" Toto approached slowly. I could see his intent to hit me with his shovel in his eyes. Despite the threat, I did my best to remain non-threatening.

"Vivi isn't dead, and she's not missing anymore either. She hired our crew to help her stop the civil war; some of our friends are with her right now." Merde… How to make Toto believe me? Could I call Vivi? But she didn't have a snail… Although she might be at the royal palace by now, maybe, so I could always call-

I didn't have Cobra's number either. Tabarnak.

"How can I trust a word you say?" Toto drew himself up to his full height, shovel still pointed at my face. "Look, I know what you're really here for. Crazed, desperate men and women… This country's full of them. But you won't find anything to steal here; just an old man who's crazed and desperate in his own way. So I suggest you Get. Out. Before you make me do something I'll regret."

Reeeeally hadn't expected this much hostility from Toto of all people. In canon he was such a kind, encouraging old man. If I'd expected something like this, I would've asked Vivi for some toke- oh. "You've known Vivi since she was little, right? Has she always blurted out secrets at the worst possible moment? And forgotten important details until they become relevant- and sometimes even later?" Really though, I should've thought to ask Vivi for a way to prove we knew her, just in case. This one was all on me.

Toto paused. "That does sound like her… But knowing her doesn't mean you're her friends. For all I know, you're part of an organization that kidnapped her when she disappeared!"

Tabarnak, why was this so hard? Why couldn't it be like D&D, where I could just roll a diplomacy check and have it done with? It wasn't like Toto was a character I knew a lot about to be able to talk down… Although I did know things about his son that might work. "Wait- I can prove it! As a child, Vivi and your son Kohza were co-leaders of a gang of kids called the Suna-Suna Clan. Their hideout was the clocktower in Alubarna."

That made the old man go from paused to frozen. "You… Vivi would never tell that to anyone who wasn't a friend, and kidnappers would have no reason to ask about it during an interrogation." Toto stood down, planting his shovel in the sand to his left. "My- my apologies. You must be telling the truth."

And then… And then he broke. The old man fell to his knees, crying and rubbing at his eyes. "She's alive… The princess is alive… This is the best news anyone's brought me in years. Dear little Vivi…"

Luffy shot me an odd look- like he couldn't decide if I'd broken the "no backstory" rule or not. I flinched apologetically. "Sorry Captain. It was the only thing I could think of."

"Eh… Okay, I guess. But don't do it again." Luffy thought for a moment, then reached over to poke my forehead like Ghin would've. I grinned ruefully.

It took a few minutes for Toto to recover his faculties. When he did, his eyes were red and still watery. "Sorry… As you might expect, I haven't had a lot of good news lately." His face paled. "Oh my… I need to call Kohza, need to tell him. He'll want to know…"

"Vivi's on her way over to tell him in person," I informed the old man. "Actually… She's probably already spoken to him. With any luck, the two of them can avert the bulk of the war."

"The war…" Toto sighed heavily, staring at us with sad eyes. "Two people cannot stop a war, young one, no matter how good their intentions. I wish they could- there's nothing I'd like better than for the war to end and my boy to come home- but at this point it's impossible."

Zoro scowled and folded his arms. "Well then, it's a good thing there's more than the two of them."

"What?" Toto clearly didn't understand.

"Jones said Vivi dear hired us to help her stop the war, didn't she?" Sanji lit a cigarette with a huff. I had to applaud his restraint- I don't think I'd seen him smoking at all while we walked, only when we made camp. "The rest of us are with her right now, keeping her safe and stuff. Maybe two people can't stop a war- but there're a Hell of a lot more than two of us."

Toto looked at us with confused awe. "You- Even if you think you can do it, you realize you'd be putting your lives on the line? And pardon me, but you're clearly not local. Not like this old man, whose heart and dreams are in this sand. What reason could a group of mercenaries like you have for risking everything like this?"

Luffy, Zoro, Nami, Sanji, Chopper, Ruatha, and I looked at each other. Something- I can't say exactly what- pinged in the air; for once, every last one of us was on the same wavelength. We answered Toto's question one by one.

"Adventure!"

"Training."

"Money."

"Cute girls."

"To keep certain idiots from hurting themselves too much."

"Monah."

"I like meddling."

"But most of all," And here we were speaking in unison- except for Ruatha, who just hummed something- which was both awesome and incredibly freaky, since we hadn't planned this at all. "We're here because Vivi's our friend."

Oh, I could almost taste the cheese in this scene. My writer was one espresso away from going full camp right now, wasn't she?

Overwhelmed, it took several seconds for Toto to react. When he did, his first action was to look at Ace and Sabo. They just shook their heads. "We don't really know the princess," Ace clarified, "We're mostly here cause Lu's our brother and we wanted to spend time with him."

"Although I'm a Revolutionary," Sabo said, inclining his head. "Starting and stopping wars, rescuing nations in distress… It's kind of in my job description."

"Is it really safe to be telling him that?" Ace asked his brother. Toto chuckled before Sabo could answer.

"Oh, don't mind me. I'm just an old man; my hearing is starting to go. What was that you said- something about spending time with your brother?" The old man's eyes twinkled with mischief. Sabo nodded, shooting Toto a grateful smile.

"So," Clearing his throat, Kohza's father picked up his shovel and got back to work digging his hole, "You can't have come out all this way just to check on little old me. Where are you kids off to, that you think you can help stop the war?"

"Crocodile's casino, Rain Dinners," Nami supplied. Toto raised his eyebrows.

"Odd place for a battle… But there's probably more to this than I know, isn't there? No, don't tell me anything." The old man shook his head. "I'm probably safer if I don't know. You kids feel free to spend the night- the sandstorms've taken out a lot of the buildings, but the hotel's still livable."

"Thanks!" Luffy grinned… and then frowned. "Hey… What're you digging? You lose something?"

"No, I know exactly where it is." Toto chuckled- I want to say humourlessly, but in truth it sounded a wee bit deranged. "Before this drought, Yuba used to be a beautiful oasis. There's water here; I just need to dig deep enough to find it. Which would be a lot easier if THESE BLOODY SANDSTORMS WOULD STOP COMING UP OUT OF NOWHERE! JUST GIVE UP- YOU'LL NEVER GET ME TO LEAVE, BY SET!"

The old man shook his fist at the sky. It earned him no response. Sighing, he deflated and went back to digging as if nothing had happened. "If it's the last thing I do, I'll make Yuba beautiful again. War or no war. This place is my home… My treasure… All my dreams are buried in its sand and water." Despite the words being meant as hopeful, Toto's voice was cracked, almost broken. He really couldn't handle this much disappointment much longer.

"Ooooooh…" Luffy nodded in understanding, a soft look on his face. Then… "Do you have another shovel?"

"What?" Toto shook his head and smiled. "Oh, never mind me. You kids just go get some sleep. I'm sure stopping a war is tiring business, and I don't mind digging on my own. I've been doing it for… A while now. Since my son left. Not sure how long it's been, exactly. I'm used to it, by now."

Well, no wonder he occasionally seemed deranged. Even socially anxious introverts need a little bit of company. While Luffy thought of how to respond to that, I picked up a round rock from what looked like it had once been a garden. Pulling a marker out of my utility belt, I drew a happy face on the rock- complete with a goatee and scraggly hair- and plunked it down on the edge of Toto's hole. The old man paused in his digging to stare at me in confusion.

"His name is Wilson," I explained. "He'll keep you from getting lonely."

Toto smiled and chuckled again- and yes, this time I could definitely hear the hints of crazy. Which is saying something, coming from me. "I see… Well then, I'm pleased to meet you Wilson, and I look forward to a long and happy partnership."

Wilson, of course, didn't respond.

Snapping his fingers, Luffy thumped his fist down on his palm. "If we can't borrow shovels," he decided, "We'll just have to help you by hand. Nami, make a plan!"

"WHAT?!" Nami cracked Luffy over the head with her Clima-Tact, to little effect. "What do you mean, make a plan? I'm a navigator, not an engineer! How should I know the best way to dig through sand in search of water?!"

"Oh. Umm…" Luffy shrugged helplessly. "I dunno."

Ace reached over and ground a fist into Luffy's head. "Just dig, Lu. It's not that hard."

"Right!" Diving headfirst into the sand like an enthusiastic puppy, Luffy began flinging sand everywhere. Toto coughed as gritty waves crashed into his face; the rest of us weren't much better off. The old man scowled and shook his shovel

"Young man! Don't you see the mess you're making? You're filling in my bloody hole!" When Luffy didn't respond, Toto sighed and turned to Wilson. "Honestly, youngsters these days… No respect."

Wilson said nothing.

"Raup raup!" Jumping down off my back, Doya began an urgent pantomime. It took me a minute to figure out what he was trying to say- Chopper was too busy spitting out sand to translate.

"You want me to… punch the ground?"

"Raupa!"

"Okay…" Well, even if it didn't make sense, it was part of training. If Sensei says jump… I pulled my bandanna up over my face and moved into the epicenter of the Luffy-made sandstorm, taking up a position beside my captain. And even though it would've made a lot more sense for me to dig like a dog the way he was, I did as Doya said, punching the ground over and over as fast as I could. Tiny clouds of sand flew up each time, but I was barely making a dent in the bottom of the hole. A few minutes of this rubbed my knuckles raw.

Nami coughed through the flying dust. "Can't someone do anything? The sand's getting everywhere."

"I could turn it all to glass," Ace offered drily, "But I don't think anyone'd be too happy with molten glass flying around either."

"No, that wouldn't help." Nami snapped her fingers a moment later. "But this will. Zoro, on my signal, use Tatsumaki."

"What? Why?"

"Just do it, shitty Moss Head." And there was the lovely, familiar thud of a steel-toed shoe against a swordsman's thick skull. "A lovely lady like Nami dear shouldn't have to explain herself to a moron like you. You probably won't understand anyway."

"Fine, fine, whatever." Teeth clicked against metal as the bosun armed himself. "I'm gonna get you for that later, Shit Cook." Seconds later came the sound of Nami pushing buttons on the Clima-Tact.

"Heat Balls… Lots of Heat Balls… And a Rain Tempo… Zoro, now!"

"Tatsumaki!"

Suddenly the air was filled with warm, humid wind. The sand and dust Luffy and I were flinging up clung together in clumps, too damp to get in and irritate the throat and lungs. Not that it was staying around anyway; the powerful winds sucked any flying sand up and away. I don't know where it was being deposited- probably on some abandoned building somewhere. But that didn't matter. All I cared about was how much easier it was to see with all the sand being sucked away.

Boots and hooves thumped against sand; Ace, Sabo, and Chopper had jumped into the hole to help. Soon Ruatha joined us too, with even more enthusiasm and less skill than Luffy- actually, my dragon got in the way more often than not. Sanji took a minute longer to join in, but only because he was sneakily absconding with Toto's shovel. Of course; couldn't have the cook damaging his hands by burrowing like an animal like the rest of us. Soon Luffy's little hole had become a massive excavation site, with Nami and Zoro periodically creating more cyclones to suck the debris away. Toto had taken to just staring at us as we worked away, confused and mesmerized.

Really, other me? Going all teamwork on this scene? Couldn't you think of anything better? I guess you had that last espresso and decided to go full camp after all. Ah well… Maybe not the best idea, but it could always be worse. Just don't make anyone sing that song from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, or I will find a way to deck you.

By the time the hole was about eight feet deep, my knuckles had progressed from raw to bleeding. I ignored them; they stung, but not badly. Chopper sniffed at me and groaned, but didn't say anything. Yet. I had a feeling that as soon as we were done, the little reindeer would be fussing over me once again.

And then something began to seep through the sides of my sneakers. Pausing, I wiped sweat away from my eyes and looked down. The sand was- dark. And not from blood; I wasn't bleeding that much. No, the darkness was coming from a few feet to my left, where Luffy was still throwing up sand like a corgi on a sugar rush. He was several inches deeper into the sand than everyone else… And there was water welling up around his hands. Not a lot, but it was there. Toto, peering over the edge of the hole, let out a sharp, elated gasp.

After that, it didn't take long. Six inches deeper, we were all standing in murky, brown water. And despite being in the desert, it was pretty cold. Actually, really cold. And it made my socks feel gross. Well, we'd dug up the water, Toto was sitting on the edge of the hole, frozen in confused elation, and my writer got her corny teamwork moment that was much less powerful than the way things happened in canon. Mission accomplished, time to get out of the puddle. But… We'd forgotten to leave a ramp or stairs or anything with which to get out.

I facepalmed. Really? That was a new level of absentminded. But I guess it didn't matter much; even I could make an eight-and-a-half foot jump now, at least if I used my powers. About to launch myself out of the hole though, I froze, before facepalming again. Right… Force blasts were not a subtle way to travel. I'd probably just bring the walls crashing down. Okay, new plan, new plan… Oh look, a conveniently placed half-toppled building.

"Ruatha, up." My dragon chirped gleefully at my words, scrambling up onto my back. He was surprisingly gentle with my burns; he'd probably figured out from watching Doya how best to climb up without sticking my wounds with his claws.

Pulling out my whip- I really needed to learn how to use it for things other than this, these scenes weren't coming up very often- I flicked it up at a piece of exposed timber. Leather wrapped firmly around wood. Rather than trying to swing up and out, I climbed my weapon, my hands meeting sandblasted timber after a few seconds. I perched on the narrow but surprisingly strong two-by-six and unwrapped my whip, stowing it again as my fellow diggers jumped out of the hole.

Toto seemed to have lost all ability to speak. The old man had tears of happiness pouring down his confused face. My companions stared at him for several long moments as everyone tried to figure out the appropriate words and reactions. Nothing; dead silence. And I'm sure my getting distracted and starting to pretend I was Spiderman, staring out over New York from a girder on a construction site, really didn't help anybody.

After a moment, Toto managed to find his voice. "But… Why?"

"Because this country is Vivi's treasure." Luffy smiled, a soft smile rather than his usual happy-go-lucky grin. "That means every town, every person… Everything. And if you knew her when she was little… She wouldn't want you wasting away here, digging a hole only for it to get filled in before you're done. She'd want you to be able to move forward with the next part of your dream. Didn't you say you wanted to make Yuba beautiful again? There's a lot more to that than just one puddle."

"I… You…" Toto lost the ability to speak again, burying his face in his hands. Luffy rested a hand on his shoulder, still smiling.

"Get some rest old guy. You'll need it. There's still a lot to do here." Luffy's smile broadened into his usual grin. "We'll see you in the morning, yeah?"

"Of course." Toto wiped tears from his face and answered with his own watery smile. "As I said earlier, the hotel is still intact for your crew to sleep; there should still be bedding in the main closet."

"Shishishishi! Thanks!" Nodding to the rest of us, Luffy led the way to the battered, but still in one piece, building that Toto had indicated. I reluctantly dropped off my broken timber perch to follow. Before I could head in with everyone else though, Doya stopped me with a bark.

"Rawp!"

"Wha-?" It took my brain a moment to catch up, but hey, I was getting better at interpreting dugong speech and body language. "Oh. You want me to train a bit before bed. Kata. Can I at least clean and bandage my knuckles first? My hands getting infected won't help anything."

"Raupa." Doya nodded. Once we were inside, he even helped me tend my bloodied fingers. Which, yeah, I needed some help. Now that I'd stopped punching and moving, things were starting to stiffen up.

Nami looked at me oddly when, instead of joining her in the designated girls' room or picking out a separate one of my own, I stayed in the lobby with Doya. When I shifted into starting position and began going through the Dugong Fu kata, she shook her head. "Just make sure you get some sleep Jones. Chopper might kill you if you kill yourself training all night."

I paused mid- technique and saluted the sailing master. "No promises, but I'll do my best."

This, of course, got me a swat on the head from Doya. The dugong scowled at me and motioned for me to begin again, with no distractions this time. "Reep! Raupa!"

"Hai, hai!" I grinned ruefully. "Sorry Sensei."