Chapter 44
We arrive at the Training Center shortly after midnight. They are staggering the entrance of each Mentor group to keep everyone in suspense, as if anyone if this group really cares. The deaths of the tributes in the Quarter Quell have diminished the anticipation of reunions between friends. Only 36 of us remain now. Most are too old to care or so young that they haven't established those relationships.
I reluctantly make my way inside the Training Center and am haunted by the portraits of my fellow victor tributes lining both sides of the atrium. Their stares question me about how I managed to survive. Straight ahead is Peeta's portrait. My eyes tear up and I'm having trouble breathing. I slow my steps as the guilt takes over. Haymitch grabs my hand, draws me closer and shields me as we quickly make our way to our elevator. His hold remains on me as he presses the button. When the doors open he pushes Effie out before jabbing he button for the rooftop. Once at our destination, he releases me, steps out, and wipes his eyes. I follow him to our usual spot. We both look out to the bright lights of the Capitol as the wind swirls around us. I'm not sure if he brought me up here to calm down or if he has something to say to me. Minutes go by and then I start to think maybe he's up here for himself and just dragged me with him. I turn to walk away when he breaks he silence.
"We were supposed to get all of you out." he murmurs. I turn back around and his eyes meet mine.
"All of us?" I ask, too confused to process his comment.
"That's what the alliance was for." he says removing his flask from his pocket and taking a drink.
"There was a plan?" He nods. "Did Peeta know?" He then shakes his head.
"You kept if from us." I say feeling a hint of betrayal.
"To protect you." he adds. He's not making any sense to me.
"How were you going to convince the Gamemakers to save multiple victors? Seneca Crane wouldn't bend on letting Peeta and me out of our first games."
"We had people on inside." he divulges. He must not think I believe him. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pocket watch and presses the button on the top to reveal the watch face with the hologram of a Mockingjay. "Look familiar?" In an instant I know he's telling the truth.
"Plutarch Heavensbee." I whisper. It's identical to his and now I can't help but think he wanted me to see it when he excused himself that night at the Capitol party.
"Yup." Haymitch confirms. "The alliance was supposed to break out of the Arena. Plutarch made sure all the supplies you would need to accomplish this would be there."
"What was the plan once we were in the Arena?"
"Beetee was supposed to rig up the wire to the lightning tree. You were supposed to use their arrow to shoot it at the weak part of the force field."
"What went wrong?"
"The wire was washed away with Beetee's body after the Careers took him out." I think back to my time in the Arena after his death and Finnick's demeanor in the hours that followed. Originally I though he was morning the loss of a friend but now realized he must have also thought about he never make it out there…never see Annie again.
"That was the most important part of the plan." I add. I feel his hand rest on my shoulder.
"The most important part was that you get out of there."
"But why not Finnick? He had to have been the most valuable victor that was in there." I say before being met with a loud guffaw from Haymitch's mouth.
"Yeah to the Capitol. Not exactly the angle we were going for." he says. It's times like these when Haymitch makes me feel like an idiot. Our conversation is interrupted when a Peacekeeper exits the elevator onto the roof.
"What are you doing up here? You're supposed to be on your district's floor." he says, before leading us to the elevator.
"Just needed a little bit of that fresh Capitol air." Haymitch jests.
As we are escorted to our rooms, I can't help but feel a sense of relief. Our conversation would have certainly led to my role as the Mockingjay and how I have failed our country. I was the symbol of the revolution that was sparking up around the districts last year. I wonder if that fire has burnt out or if there are still embers waiting to reignite. I should have stayed more focused. I was distracted by the reunion with my family, healing myself, and trying to keep the peace between the two boys that love me. The threats from Snow had disappeared and I had foolishly felt safe.
I then think of the people that died for the cause in hopes that I could have changed the future of our country. Maybe Haymitch was wrong to choose me. Peeta could have had much more reach than me. People liked him and he had a way of charming them. Finnick could have been that person too if people knew the real him. I wish he had told me more of his secrets. We could have used that to undermine the higher-up in the Capitol. Johanna couldn't have been the face of the revolution but she could have greatly helped behind the scenes. Tears fall as I wish I could have these 3 people back in my life. Our friendships were just getting started when the Games tore us apart. Sadness turns to anger and I want nothing more than to have my bow in my hands. I want to fight.
I get out of bed and walk through my apartment until I get to the front door. When I open it, I see Peacekeepers guarding the hallway and quietly shut my door. I'm trapped, at least for the night. It makes me wonder why they are guarding the identities of these new mentors so diligently. Did they have to choose people not in that book? Will it be recorded? Does Snow want to see our reactions? These answers will have to wait until tomorrow.
As I walk back to my bed, another realization comes to me. This is my first night alone for as long as I can remember. There is no one to help keep the nightmares away or break me free from them. Last year, Peeta stayed with me. After the Games I had Gale, Merrick and occasionally Prim. The only thing I can think to do is to grab the spare pillow next to me, hold onto it tightly and wish for a sleep free of dreaming.
Author's Note: Next chapter we will be meeting the new mentors. Any guesses or suggestions about who you think it will be? I already have some in mind ;)